that was some substantive hail that just ran through here.
i was worried about the windows, probably for the first time in my life.
Wednesday, June 10, 2020
if you're not from around here, you might not realize that brampton has a very high percentage of residents with a south indian background. we've got the same problem in windsor, which has recently become a destination for international students (because it used to have a surplus of cheap housing, and still has very low entry requirements).
i learned this a few years ago looking for apartments.
in windsor, it's a total cultural turnover. cheap properties get bought up by indo-canadians, who then rent them out to international students, who just import their regular living conditions. they'll cram ten people into a two bedroom apartment, because that's what they know, from where they grew up in india.
i went to one place that was advertised over kijiji as a two-bedroom. it was actually a studio apartment; they decided the living room was one bedroom, and the hallway near the kitchen was a second bedroom. and, there were six people living there, including two who slept in the kitchen.
i doubt that many canadians are really cognizant of this change that is taking place. but, in the end, we might find out that we needed a virus to get the health inspectors on it.
the problem, though, is that i don't want to split them up, or at least not without a massive increase in rental housing availability, because that'll just drive up the cost of rent. at some point we kind of have to clue in - we have an anarchy in housing production that isn't taking into account what we need, and isn't working in coordination with immigration policy. we let far too many poor people into the country, and then get confused when they fight over scarce housing; meanwhile, we have empty houses in the suburbs that nobody even wants to live in, let alone can afford to buy.
we had this under control at one point, but we forgot about it in the 80s, and we've let it get out of hand ever since. it is going to require a major, co-ordinated push by all levels of government to get a handle on it.
if a more co-ordinated housing strategy based on social need rather than profit and property rights is a side product of this catastrophe, that's at least an upside. maybe a little bit of disaster socialism is in order.
for now? i can imagine it. i've seen it. two-three kids per room, at $500/head. it's a racket, perhaps literally. it needs to change.
https://www.bramptonguardian.com/news-story/10018783-coronavirus-spreading-in-brampton-s-overcrowded-housing-a-growing-concern/
i learned this a few years ago looking for apartments.
in windsor, it's a total cultural turnover. cheap properties get bought up by indo-canadians, who then rent them out to international students, who just import their regular living conditions. they'll cram ten people into a two bedroom apartment, because that's what they know, from where they grew up in india.
i went to one place that was advertised over kijiji as a two-bedroom. it was actually a studio apartment; they decided the living room was one bedroom, and the hallway near the kitchen was a second bedroom. and, there were six people living there, including two who slept in the kitchen.
i doubt that many canadians are really cognizant of this change that is taking place. but, in the end, we might find out that we needed a virus to get the health inspectors on it.
the problem, though, is that i don't want to split them up, or at least not without a massive increase in rental housing availability, because that'll just drive up the cost of rent. at some point we kind of have to clue in - we have an anarchy in housing production that isn't taking into account what we need, and isn't working in coordination with immigration policy. we let far too many poor people into the country, and then get confused when they fight over scarce housing; meanwhile, we have empty houses in the suburbs that nobody even wants to live in, let alone can afford to buy.
we had this under control at one point, but we forgot about it in the 80s, and we've let it get out of hand ever since. it is going to require a major, co-ordinated push by all levels of government to get a handle on it.
if a more co-ordinated housing strategy based on social need rather than profit and property rights is a side product of this catastrophe, that's at least an upside. maybe a little bit of disaster socialism is in order.
for now? i can imagine it. i've seen it. two-three kids per room, at $500/head. it's a racket, perhaps literally. it needs to change.
https://www.bramptonguardian.com/news-story/10018783-coronavirus-spreading-in-brampton-s-overcrowded-housing-a-growing-concern/
well, we'll see how long that lasts before a court strikes it down.
it's one thing to argue that a business has a right to make it's own policy. as a consumer, i think that would open them up to substantive amounts of litigation, but they can post whatever signs on their property that they want, even if i choose to ignore them and make a big deal out of it.
it's another thing for a government to pass a law like this that forces businesses to enforce these rules, and it is not a debatable point - they cannot.
so, what happens if a business decides they don't want to enforce this? will they be fined? shut down? and, what if a consumer just ignores it?
i look forward to the inevitable legal battles. you know what side i'm on.
if i lived in the region, i would try to get arrested over this to make a point and then sue the cops for it.
https://globalnews.ca/news/7048646/coronavirus-mandatory-face-coverings-guelph/
it's one thing to argue that a business has a right to make it's own policy. as a consumer, i think that would open them up to substantive amounts of litigation, but they can post whatever signs on their property that they want, even if i choose to ignore them and make a big deal out of it.
it's another thing for a government to pass a law like this that forces businesses to enforce these rules, and it is not a debatable point - they cannot.
so, what happens if a business decides they don't want to enforce this? will they be fined? shut down? and, what if a consumer just ignores it?
i look forward to the inevitable legal battles. you know what side i'm on.
if i lived in the region, i would try to get arrested over this to make a point and then sue the cops for it.
march is finished.
march was a little slow because i had to make some decisions about what i'm crossposting and what i'm not crossposting. it should pick up a bit for the remaining....9+ 12*4 + 3 = 60 months.
if i can get 10 done a day?
ok, it's going to take a few days. fine.
here's 03/2014:
i need to eat.
ok, but rather than be shocked and surprised by young people (who are not at risk of this disease of at all) being young people, the correct logical response, given the actual facts of the matter, is to realize that this was inevitable and that what the government did was utterly foolish, given this inevitability.
the focus from the start should have been to stop it from getting into the geriatric homes. it should have been allowed to spread in the younger population, because it was going to happen anyways.
your shock should be directed at the stupidity of your government's policies, not the perfectly rational behaviour of young people in a crisis that only affects them economically.
https://www.theglobeandmail.com/canada/article-covid-19-cases-are-on-the-rise-among-young-adults-but-health-experts/
the focus from the start should have been to stop it from getting into the geriatric homes. it should have been allowed to spread in the younger population, because it was going to happen anyways.
your shock should be directed at the stupidity of your government's policies, not the perfectly rational behaviour of young people in a crisis that only affects them economically.
https://www.theglobeandmail.com/canada/article-covid-19-cases-are-on-the-rise-among-young-adults-but-health-experts/
february is done:
https://deathtokoalas.blogspot.com/2014/02/
https://jessicamurraytravelblog.blogspot.com/2014/02/
remember - this is very loose, it's just meant to build a skeleton, as it could be years before i fill in these thousands of pages of dialogues scattered through the master document.
https://deathtokoalas.blogspot.com/2014/02/
https://jessicamurraytravelblog.blogspot.com/2014/02/
remember - this is very loose, it's just meant to build a skeleton, as it could be years before i fill in these thousands of pages of dialogues scattered through the master document.
well, it was predictable that their trickle down economics scam wasn't going to work. it sounds like they're throwing a hissy-fit about it...
do you know what the first thing that needs to be done here actually is?
he needs to throw bill morneau out of cabinet, to start. the guy's a complete dumbass. i suspect he's the root cause of much of this stupidity...
then he need to just extend the cerb.
and, then he needs to raise taxes to pay for it.
even if ontario were to completely reopen tomorrow, we'd still need another several months of benefits. blaming welfare queens and pushing trickle-down economics isn't going to fool anybody. even the dumbest conservatives left that behind eons ago.
unfortunately, it seems like trudeau and his buddy morneau are using a 40 year-old instruction manual - while jason kenney and stephen harper embrace the necessity of keynesianism.
i'm starting to wonder who the lesser evil actually is.
https://globalnews.ca/news/7039015/canadians-max-out-cerb-what-happens/
do you know what the first thing that needs to be done here actually is?
he needs to throw bill morneau out of cabinet, to start. the guy's a complete dumbass. i suspect he's the root cause of much of this stupidity...
then he need to just extend the cerb.
and, then he needs to raise taxes to pay for it.
even if ontario were to completely reopen tomorrow, we'd still need another several months of benefits. blaming welfare queens and pushing trickle-down economics isn't going to fool anybody. even the dumbest conservatives left that behind eons ago.
unfortunately, it seems like trudeau and his buddy morneau are using a 40 year-old instruction manual - while jason kenney and stephen harper embrace the necessity of keynesianism.
i'm starting to wonder who the lesser evil actually is.
https://globalnews.ca/news/7039015/canadians-max-out-cerb-what-happens/
they'll probably spend more money investigating these "crimes" then they will recoup, in the end. on a purely accounting level, it is probably flat out stupid. they probably know that....
rather, it appears to be red meat to throw at some kind of conservative voting base. but, who exactly does trudeau think is voting for him?
rather, it appears to be red meat to throw at some kind of conservative voting base. but, who exactly does trudeau think is voting for him?
yeah, i'm with the ndp on this one. going after these people is barbaric.
if there's an overpayment, i guess they should have to pay it back, but they shouldn't be punished for it.
i don't really care much about budgets, with the caveat that i don't want the imf on our ass. i highly doubt that the dollar amounts here are going to be substantive. i mean they might find a couple dozen people...
rather, it's more the kind of thing you'd expect from a conservative government. he sounds like a demagogic racist like reagan, going after his illusory welfare cheat.
i don't get worked up about this shit either way, but tell trudeau that if he wants to go after tax cheats, he should target bankers and corporations and investors instead.
https://globalnews.ca/news/7047067/trudeau-singh-ndp-cerb-reform/
if there's an overpayment, i guess they should have to pay it back, but they shouldn't be punished for it.
i don't really care much about budgets, with the caveat that i don't want the imf on our ass. i highly doubt that the dollar amounts here are going to be substantive. i mean they might find a couple dozen people...
rather, it's more the kind of thing you'd expect from a conservative government. he sounds like a demagogic racist like reagan, going after his illusory welfare cheat.
i don't get worked up about this shit either way, but tell trudeau that if he wants to go after tax cheats, he should target bankers and corporations and investors instead.
https://globalnews.ca/news/7047067/trudeau-singh-ndp-cerb-reform/
Tuesday, June 9, 2020
....and before i do that, i'm going to build a mock skeleton for the other two blogs.
this isn't intended to be comprehensive, in any way, it's just meant to fill in some blanks. i'm just going to be going through the two mostly published the blogs - this one and the music journal - and copying posts to the other two blogs.
i hope this is done within a day or two.
this isn't intended to be comprehensive, in any way, it's just meant to fill in some blanks. i'm just going to be going through the two mostly published the blogs - this one and the music journal - and copying posts to the other two blogs.
i hope this is done within a day or two.
i'm also going to fill in some of the posts from sept-dec, 2016 on this blog before i put this aside for a long while.
i didn't avoid this on purpose or anything, it just got lost in all of the things i was doing to rebuild. iirc, i got up to mid sept, and doubled back around to 2013 to do the final rebuild, which included archiving all of the files on an external hard drive and rebuilding the deathtokoalas blog. i was supposed to just do it in sequence, but it didn't actually happen.
if we're putting the rebuild aside until i finish periods 3 & 4, i should plug that hole, first.
that was, of course, also the period leading up to the last election.
i didn't avoid this on purpose or anything, it just got lost in all of the things i was doing to rebuild. iirc, i got up to mid sept, and doubled back around to 2013 to do the final rebuild, which included archiving all of the files on an external hard drive and rebuilding the deathtokoalas blog. i was supposed to just do it in sequence, but it didn't actually happen.
if we're putting the rebuild aside until i finish periods 3 & 4, i should plug that hole, first.
that was, of course, also the period leading up to the last election.
this is a confusing point for a lot of people, as well. what is, again, pretty basic science suggests that you have to expel the virus somehow in order to transmit - via coughing, sneezing, etc. but, the numbers don't add up, if we assume all transmission is coming from clearly sick people.
so, what is "asymptomatic transmission"?
we had a longer than normal spring here in most of canada, and people walking around outside until fairly late into may would have experienced symptoms like runny noses that they would have normally attributed to the weather. they may have come in from outside and blown their nose, without thinking about it. or they may have even brushed their faces with their hands as they took off their hats, and then touched other people. or, maybe they weren't thorough enough with the soap on the way out of the washroom, after having touching handles and doorknobs.
this happens with other mild viruses, too - all you have to do is transmit fluids. you don't have to cough or sneeze - you could blow your nose, or just touch your face. and, you might not even be fully cognizant of what you're doing.
the truth is that these people are symptomatic, but they don't realize it or they deny it. the symptoms are so mild in many cases, that you might mistake them for allergies, fatigue, a garden variety headache or a normal reaction to cold or hot weather. so, what we call "asymptomatic" should really be replaced by "weakly symptomatic". this is no doubt the cause of the confusion...
you shouldn't be able to spread any virus without symptoms, but it's a lot harder to realize that you're symptomatic than we all think is obvious. we live in polluted cities. we're all sick all of the time.
with the warm weather, the situation flips over - instead of runny noses from the cold, you'll have sweaty foreheads from the heat. so, you may come into a grocery store from outside and wipe your sweaty brow, then touch something - without even thinking about it.
https://globalnews.ca/news/7043306/coronavirus-asymptomatic-spread-who/
so, what is "asymptomatic transmission"?
we had a longer than normal spring here in most of canada, and people walking around outside until fairly late into may would have experienced symptoms like runny noses that they would have normally attributed to the weather. they may have come in from outside and blown their nose, without thinking about it. or they may have even brushed their faces with their hands as they took off their hats, and then touched other people. or, maybe they weren't thorough enough with the soap on the way out of the washroom, after having touching handles and doorknobs.
this happens with other mild viruses, too - all you have to do is transmit fluids. you don't have to cough or sneeze - you could blow your nose, or just touch your face. and, you might not even be fully cognizant of what you're doing.
the truth is that these people are symptomatic, but they don't realize it or they deny it. the symptoms are so mild in many cases, that you might mistake them for allergies, fatigue, a garden variety headache or a normal reaction to cold or hot weather. so, what we call "asymptomatic" should really be replaced by "weakly symptomatic". this is no doubt the cause of the confusion...
you shouldn't be able to spread any virus without symptoms, but it's a lot harder to realize that you're symptomatic than we all think is obvious. we live in polluted cities. we're all sick all of the time.
with the warm weather, the situation flips over - instead of runny noses from the cold, you'll have sweaty foreheads from the heat. so, you may come into a grocery store from outside and wipe your sweaty brow, then touch something - without even thinking about it.
https://globalnews.ca/news/7043306/coronavirus-asymptomatic-spread-who/
must have been covid-19.
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/humpback-whale-st-lawrence-1.5604229
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/humpback-whale-st-lawrence-1.5604229
so, i finished watching that lecture series on quantum physics and i promised i'd say something about it in the end.
in truth, i don't have much to say at all.....
i have a physics background; i've seen these equations before, and the general physics isn't new to me. but, the courses i took were not as formal as this, they just skipped over this kind of kantian approach to the foundations of quantum mechanics as this kind of synthetic linear algebra and went right to the calculus and statistics. i took years worth of abstract algebra, though. so, i was actually maybe the best possible audience for the lecture series, in a sense, as i had already seen all of the math and had already seen all of the physics, and had even taken formal courses in euclidean & non-euclidean geometry, i just hadn't seen anybody put them together to explicitly lay out the theory.
as it was only the formal foundations that i hadn't seen before, it's really only the first couple of lectures that were worth commenting on, and i've already done that. i don't have any particular criticism of harmonic oscillators or the schrodinger equation, it's the underlying system of algebra that i wonder about, as it is rooted in kantian assumptions that were eventually absolutely savaged by gauss (and friends) and reversed to form the basis of relativity, by einstein (and minkowski). susskind knows that. so, what the fuck is he even doing?
i was hoping that the course would carry on long enough to bring me to a point where i could say "aha! parallelism! foiled!", but, as it is, all i can do is sort of pointlessly draw attention to deficits in the model, which i've already done. the thing is that proving that a model has flaws doesn't actually mean anything. all models have flaws, and we know that something is going to need to break before we can unify physics. i think the quantum model seems less compelling than relativity, but that's just my opinion.
i mentioned it before, so i'll just summarize it here: the biggest thing i pulled out from watching this is wondering if these minor fluctuations in the "imaginary direction" (by tiny factors of planck's constant) are not merely relics of the broken underlying geometry, and i wonder if the error terms would disappear or otherwise align themselves with the other branches if we were sure we understood the underlying geometry better.
maybe einstein had the answer right in front of him the whole time, even if he didn't quite know how to tweak it. but, i mean, that's the fields medal question, right?
he didn't mention bell's theorem, so i'll skip over it for now.
lecture series number two is classical mechanics, and i initially wondered if it was worthwhile, but, after watching the first lecture, i'm going to carry through with it. again: i've taken all the classical mechanics, but he's going at it with these weird kantianisms again, in an apparent attempt to derive newton's equations from the underlying quantum theory, and i'd like to see where he's going with it. i hope he goes full out and doesn't dumb it down, as that is something i'd like to see done explicitly, rather than merely waved off as saying "classical mechanics exists in the limit", or whatever.
the last of the previous:
and the first of the new:
in truth, i don't have much to say at all.....
i have a physics background; i've seen these equations before, and the general physics isn't new to me. but, the courses i took were not as formal as this, they just skipped over this kind of kantian approach to the foundations of quantum mechanics as this kind of synthetic linear algebra and went right to the calculus and statistics. i took years worth of abstract algebra, though. so, i was actually maybe the best possible audience for the lecture series, in a sense, as i had already seen all of the math and had already seen all of the physics, and had even taken formal courses in euclidean & non-euclidean geometry, i just hadn't seen anybody put them together to explicitly lay out the theory.
as it was only the formal foundations that i hadn't seen before, it's really only the first couple of lectures that were worth commenting on, and i've already done that. i don't have any particular criticism of harmonic oscillators or the schrodinger equation, it's the underlying system of algebra that i wonder about, as it is rooted in kantian assumptions that were eventually absolutely savaged by gauss (and friends) and reversed to form the basis of relativity, by einstein (and minkowski). susskind knows that. so, what the fuck is he even doing?
i was hoping that the course would carry on long enough to bring me to a point where i could say "aha! parallelism! foiled!", but, as it is, all i can do is sort of pointlessly draw attention to deficits in the model, which i've already done. the thing is that proving that a model has flaws doesn't actually mean anything. all models have flaws, and we know that something is going to need to break before we can unify physics. i think the quantum model seems less compelling than relativity, but that's just my opinion.
i mentioned it before, so i'll just summarize it here: the biggest thing i pulled out from watching this is wondering if these minor fluctuations in the "imaginary direction" (by tiny factors of planck's constant) are not merely relics of the broken underlying geometry, and i wonder if the error terms would disappear or otherwise align themselves with the other branches if we were sure we understood the underlying geometry better.
maybe einstein had the answer right in front of him the whole time, even if he didn't quite know how to tweak it. but, i mean, that's the fields medal question, right?
he didn't mention bell's theorem, so i'll skip over it for now.
lecture series number two is classical mechanics, and i initially wondered if it was worthwhile, but, after watching the first lecture, i'm going to carry through with it. again: i've taken all the classical mechanics, but he's going at it with these weird kantianisms again, in an apparent attempt to derive newton's equations from the underlying quantum theory, and i'd like to see where he's going with it. i hope he goes full out and doesn't dumb it down, as that is something i'd like to see done explicitly, rather than merely waved off as saying "classical mechanics exists in the limit", or whatever.
the last of the previous:
and the first of the new:
Monday, June 8, 2020
actually, no.
they want a monthly user fee :(
that's a non-starter...
https://www.shopify.ca/pricing
i'm in a kind of a frustrating scenario with online sales of any sort. i would rather buy my own domain and set up my own store to avoid paying twenty transaction fees. right now, if you buy a file at bandcamp, you pay bandcamp & you pay paypal. if we could get around both of them...
the thing is that i just don't sell enough to make that feasible. i'm pretty technical; i could figure that out. but, it doesn't make any sense for me to shell out monthly fees when i'm not hardly pulling anything in.
the basic math is that i need to have more revenue than costs before i can move to any kind of paid service, and it just doesn't make sense to pay anybody hosting fees until i'm relatively confident i can recoup the costs.
so, i need to start off with the free sites, and, one day, if i build enough of an audience, i can set up my own transaction sites.
it looks like it's payhip or gumroad, and i'll have to take a closer look next week.
they want a monthly user fee :(
that's a non-starter...
https://www.shopify.ca/pricing
i'm in a kind of a frustrating scenario with online sales of any sort. i would rather buy my own domain and set up my own store to avoid paying twenty transaction fees. right now, if you buy a file at bandcamp, you pay bandcamp & you pay paypal. if we could get around both of them...
the thing is that i just don't sell enough to make that feasible. i'm pretty technical; i could figure that out. but, it doesn't make any sense for me to shell out monthly fees when i'm not hardly pulling anything in.
the basic math is that i need to have more revenue than costs before i can move to any kind of paid service, and it just doesn't make sense to pay anybody hosting fees until i'm relatively confident i can recoup the costs.
so, i need to start off with the free sites, and, one day, if i build enough of an audience, i can set up my own transaction sites.
it looks like it's payhip or gumroad, and i'll have to take a closer look next week.
actually, i think what i want for the isos is this company called shopify that is located in canada. they have a 5 gb upload limit, which is enough for a dvd. it would be nice if that could come up to 25 so i could host blu-rays, but that's a distant concern.
that should help me avoid tax problems because i'm not jumping borders.
i've never used this site before and i don't know much about it, but it's apparently kind of big.
i would expect something to come up there in the next few days.
https://help.shopify.com/en/manual/apps/apps-by-shopify/digital-downloads
that should help me avoid tax problems because i'm not jumping borders.
i've never used this site before and i don't know much about it, but it's apparently kind of big.
i would expect something to come up there in the next few days.
https://help.shopify.com/en/manual/apps/apps-by-shopify/digital-downloads
stop.
the funny thing about body cams is that, while they generate gigabytes worth of data for things like facial recognition that the secret service can then utilize, they seem to somehow get turned off - almost without exception - whenever somebody wants to use them to hold the cops accountable.
they are essentially useless as an accountability proposal. but, they're great for spying on you with.
you should oppose them on civil rights grounds. i know i will.
the funny thing about body cams is that, while they generate gigabytes worth of data for things like facial recognition that the secret service can then utilize, they seem to somehow get turned off - almost without exception - whenever somebody wants to use them to hold the cops accountable.
they are essentially useless as an accountability proposal. but, they're great for spying on you with.
you should oppose them on civil rights grounds. i know i will.
see, this is a perfect example of two-faced trudeau being a total racist.
do you know what body cams are actually good for? spying on minorities, in a covert manner. they can get all kinds of footage that way, they just have to send the cop in.
is anybody calling for this? would it have made any difference? is it even relevant?
or is it in truth just an excuse for this government to ram through yet another racist policy?
https://www.cp24.com/news/trudeau-vows-to-push-body-cameras-when-speaking-with-provincial-premiers-1.4974324
do you know what body cams are actually good for? spying on minorities, in a covert manner. they can get all kinds of footage that way, they just have to send the cop in.
is anybody calling for this? would it have made any difference? is it even relevant?
or is it in truth just an excuse for this government to ram through yet another racist policy?
https://www.cp24.com/news/trudeau-vows-to-push-body-cameras-when-speaking-with-provincial-premiers-1.4974324
so, i had to make some minor edits to the deathtokoalas documents for december and january, which is now done.
and, it's time to eat, again.
i need to try to call the court this morning to see if i can get some kind of response. but, if it otherwise takes another day or two to upload these links before i file the complaint in federal court, that's fine.
and, it's time to eat, again.
i need to try to call the court this morning to see if i can get some kind of response. but, if it otherwise takes another day or two to upload these links before i file the complaint in federal court, that's fine.
as for abolishing jails...
there are some nuts out there, like jeffrey dahmer, or that guy that beheaded somebody on a bus in winnipeg. these cases are extreme, but there has to be some kind of system that deals with them.
the thing is that these are, at their core, mental health concerns, and that these people should be in hospitals, rather than jails.
so, my basic position is that what we call jails should be converted into hospitals - and that the only people in them should be people that we have no choice but to restrain for our collective safety.
there are some nuts out there, like jeffrey dahmer, or that guy that beheaded somebody on a bus in winnipeg. these cases are extreme, but there has to be some kind of system that deals with them.
the thing is that these are, at their core, mental health concerns, and that these people should be in hospitals, rather than jails.
so, my basic position is that what we call jails should be converted into hospitals - and that the only people in them should be people that we have no choice but to restrain for our collective safety.
i would be more likely to support a broad, class-focused movement to defund the police than buy into a moral panic demanding retribution for the stupidity of a poorly trained officer, based entirely on blinding and dividing identity politics.
i don't see what's happening right now as having much revolutionary potential; it's classic divide and conquer, and exactly when the bankers need it, too. if they split you up by race and get you at each other's throats, they don't need to worry about protecting their property.
but, as previously mentioned, going after the police is the right tactic. that's what i want to see.
so, i support calls to abolish the minneapolis police - and calls to abolish the police, everywhere else. i'm an anarchist; i don't believe in policing. this is more my style, for sure.
but, i'd like to see some proposals as to what they want to replace the police with, before i jump on board entirely. if this was local, it's the kind of thing that would get me out of the house.
are they going to rely on state police, instead? that would be terrible, clearly. but, if they just defund the city police, it's going to be state and federal forces that take over. amongst other things, that's likely to create a constitutional crisis, as federal officers need to enforce federal laws.
is it essentially amalgamation by stealth, as the article cites in camden and compton? that would just make the problem worse, as you start shipping in officers from outside the areas they police, which is what happened in ferguson.
are they going to rely on religious groups and govern the city from the back of a koran or a bible? that would be a catastrophe that i would strenuously oppose, to the point that i'd actually go so far as to support bombing minneapolis to stop them from doing it.
what i'd like to see is a move to more community-based models of decision making, along with a complete end to a "standing army" type police force. the professional police should be replaced by something like a volunteer militia that only mobilizes when required. in order for that to be feasible, there needs to be a dramatic redistribution of wealth so that property no longer needs to be protected by force. but here's the thing: people have to decide to participate. in the end, it's up to minneapolis; if they'd rather stay at home, the bureaucrats will decide for them. which i think is a reasonable projection...
so i'd support abolishing the police, yes.
but, i don't suspect that is imminent, just yet.
https://www.cbc.ca/news/world/minneapolis-dismantle-police-department-george-floyd-1.5602543
i don't see what's happening right now as having much revolutionary potential; it's classic divide and conquer, and exactly when the bankers need it, too. if they split you up by race and get you at each other's throats, they don't need to worry about protecting their property.
but, as previously mentioned, going after the police is the right tactic. that's what i want to see.
so, i support calls to abolish the minneapolis police - and calls to abolish the police, everywhere else. i'm an anarchist; i don't believe in policing. this is more my style, for sure.
but, i'd like to see some proposals as to what they want to replace the police with, before i jump on board entirely. if this was local, it's the kind of thing that would get me out of the house.
are they going to rely on state police, instead? that would be terrible, clearly. but, if they just defund the city police, it's going to be state and federal forces that take over. amongst other things, that's likely to create a constitutional crisis, as federal officers need to enforce federal laws.
is it essentially amalgamation by stealth, as the article cites in camden and compton? that would just make the problem worse, as you start shipping in officers from outside the areas they police, which is what happened in ferguson.
are they going to rely on religious groups and govern the city from the back of a koran or a bible? that would be a catastrophe that i would strenuously oppose, to the point that i'd actually go so far as to support bombing minneapolis to stop them from doing it.
what i'd like to see is a move to more community-based models of decision making, along with a complete end to a "standing army" type police force. the professional police should be replaced by something like a volunteer militia that only mobilizes when required. in order for that to be feasible, there needs to be a dramatic redistribution of wealth so that property no longer needs to be protected by force. but here's the thing: people have to decide to participate. in the end, it's up to minneapolis; if they'd rather stay at home, the bureaucrats will decide for them. which i think is a reasonable projection...
so i'd support abolishing the police, yes.
but, i don't suspect that is imminent, just yet.
https://www.cbc.ca/news/world/minneapolis-dismantle-police-department-george-floyd-1.5602543
well, i'm skeptical.
but, supposing this is true, do they think they can keep it out of the country forever? or are they going to try to bring in forced vaccinations on yearly mutations?
new zealand has a useful geography for fighting pathogens, but it's ultimately a fool's errand to try to stamp out a virus with quarantine. they're just prolonging the inevitable.
https://www.citynews1130.com/2020/06/07/asia-today-new-zealand-succeeds-in-eradicating-coronavirus/
but, supposing this is true, do they think they can keep it out of the country forever? or are they going to try to bring in forced vaccinations on yearly mutations?
new zealand has a useful geography for fighting pathogens, but it's ultimately a fool's errand to try to stamp out a virus with quarantine. they're just prolonging the inevitable.
https://www.citynews1130.com/2020/06/07/asia-today-new-zealand-succeeds-in-eradicating-coronavirus/
Sunday, June 7, 2020
it almost seemed like smashwords was off because it was sunday. fucking christians. i don't have time for this stupidity.
it sat there for hours, but you can't even unpublish a book when it's in limbo like that, you're just stuck with it.
it turns out that i think there was some kind of hiccup on the server with converting it to html, because once i unchecked that button, it went through. it still didn't correct the file for the second upload, though.
so, we're starting over again, and, so long as it works, it should be fine.
it sat there for hours, but you can't even unpublish a book when it's in limbo like that, you're just stuck with it.
it turns out that i think there was some kind of hiccup on the server with converting it to html, because once i unchecked that button, it went through. it still didn't correct the file for the second upload, though.
so, we're starting over again, and, so long as it works, it should be fine.
and, it's amazing how stupid the media can be in it's reporting.
first of all, they keep reporting cases instead of deaths, like that matters.
second, they have this amazing feat of logic:
"415 cases today, but 200 are from delays in reporting"
so, there's less than 400 cases today, actually, apparently.
like yesterday? no, there were delays in reporting yesterday.
but, not today, i guess.
fucking idiots.
first of all, they keep reporting cases instead of deaths, like that matters.
second, they have this amazing feat of logic:
"415 cases today, but 200 are from delays in reporting"
so, there's less than 400 cases today, actually, apparently.
like yesterday? no, there were delays in reporting yesterday.
but, not today, i guess.
fucking idiots.
i've been clear as day - i won't use sites that want to "moderate" me.
i'll call it what it is - censorship - and i'll go post somewhere else, and tell freeminded people to follow me.
the slaves can have their government censorship in their safe spaces and jerk off all over each other in peace. i don't want to talk to them, anyways.
i'll call it what it is - censorship - and i'll go post somewhere else, and tell freeminded people to follow me.
the slaves can have their government censorship in their safe spaces and jerk off all over each other in peace. i don't want to talk to them, anyways.
ugh.
do i really want to spend the day uploading and reuploading files to this server to see if they're broken or not?
i don't.
if the purpose of the site is to allow for free dissemination of the smaller files, then this is accomplished, even if the files are somewhat broken. i just need to actually take note of it.
the server is also doing weird things, and i think i need to wait for it to finish before i upload anything else, because i might have to delete and reupload the second e-book, which is currently serving the wrong file.
so, i'm going to stop to eat and get back to this after.
do i really want to spend the day uploading and reuploading files to this server to see if they're broken or not?
i don't.
if the purpose of the site is to allow for free dissemination of the smaller files, then this is accomplished, even if the files are somewhat broken. i just need to actually take note of it.
the server is also doing weird things, and i think i need to wait for it to finish before i upload anything else, because i might have to delete and reupload the second e-book, which is currently serving the wrong file.
so, i'm going to stop to eat and get back to this after.
facebook post:
i'm going to need to clean this space up over the next few hours, but the story is that...
i've spent the last year and a bit converting old blogs into pdf files, which sounds like a waste of time, but is tied into the process of building liner notes for rereleases from when i first moved to windsor. i'm almost done the first phase of this, and am going to put the second phase on hold for a later time.
i've been hosting these files in two places: bandcamp (in the form of music journals that you can buy) and noise trade (which offered the files for free, and let you donate an amount, if you want).
bandcamp is very reliable, and i thank them for it. but, within hours of finishing the last major journal update, the noise trade site just up and disappeared. the account continues to exist, and i can change the password, but i can't log into it. it's very weird.
when i signed up for noise trade a few years ago, it was an independent site that allowed for free file sharing. that was my attraction to it. up until now, the only other site that i've had on the internet with a paywall has been bandcamp, which is just a necessity in this awful economic system we exist in - i have to try to sell you something, whether i like it or not. but i try to make everything freely available, as i find ways to try to navigate through the contradictions in our day-to-day lives. i want you to pay me, but i don't. it's frustrating for everybody, but it's unavoidable. i mean, the other option is that i get a job (that is, that i sell my labour, instead) and give my art away for free, but that's kind of giving up on life, in my estimation.
what i want is for you to donate. i want grants, i want benefactors - because i want artistic freedom. i have to deal with the vulgarity of market interactions, i have to reduce things to commodities, because i don't truly have the freedom not to. but, i hate that fact, and i want to find creative ways around it.
noise trade was attractive to me for that reason - it allowed me to sort of escape the commodification of the process, and let you decide if you want to throw money at me in support, or just take the end result for free. it was a good compromise, while it lasted.
shortly after i set the site up, it got bought out by paste magazine and shifted it's hosting to the increasingly dominant amazon. the amount of ads has steadily increased, since, to the point that the site is almost unusable. and, now the site has disappeared, leaving me without an option for free dissemination. i initially sought some kind of explanation before acting further, but, after some reflection, have decided that it doesn't matter - i'd rather separate my art from that kind of profit making machinery, anyways. the site has become gross, to me.
you'll note that i don't tend to post to sites that are ad-supported, facebook being the major exception because it's so ubiquitous. but, i do almost all of my posting at blogs that are ad-free. facebook is just a necessary evil. for now. noise trade snuck the ads in on me while i was distracted, and it's time to get away and burn what was and forget it ever existed.
so, i don't know why the site evaporated, but i don't care - i don't want to interact with a site that is supported by invasive ads, anyways. it's a shame, but whatever. death to paste magazine!
i've spent the last few days trying to figure out how to react and have come to the following solutions.
1) the bandcamp site is sill there, but you can't read books on bandcamp the same way you can stream music. i wish you could - that would be the best answer. you can't, for now. so, i need to put the files up somewhere else, as well.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com
2) i want something more interactive than the google drive share, although i'm going to keep this up for the biggest files. these are just the full blogs for the period i was reconstructing:
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1NI_sEi1t9NxTeOB9Es3A2Ge8ji4iTXit?usp=sharing
3) i want a way to buy the whole thing, and don't want the overlap on bandcamp, which will hold strictly to the monthly journal format. that's going to be here, at lulu, where there are no file size restrictions:
https://www.lulu.com/search?contributor=jessica+murray
4) i'm going to use smashwords (which has strict file size and other restrictions) for free hosting of smaller files and make use of the interactive features, but i can't use it as a medium to facilitate donations, at least not until they relax their approach a little. i explain a little about this at the profile page.
https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/deathtokoalas
5) the best way to donate me money is to avoid these kinds of sites, anyways. i like bandcamp for what it is and would encourage you to support it so we don't lose it; i don't want a future of spotifies and google plays, that would kill off independent music. a site like bandcamp must continue to exist. but, if you share my aversion to market economics and want to just be a benefactor then the best thing to do is just send a donation to death.to.koalas@gmail.com, either over paypal or (even better) or interac. this is how i *really* want this to work - you send me money as a grant, and i put the thing up for free.
i will need to spend the next day or two updating these sites as replacements for the deleted noise trade site, and replacing noise trade links with lulu or smashwords links, as is appropriate.
i don't know what happened, but fuck them and their ads anyways.
i'm going to need to clean this space up over the next few hours, but the story is that...
i've spent the last year and a bit converting old blogs into pdf files, which sounds like a waste of time, but is tied into the process of building liner notes for rereleases from when i first moved to windsor. i'm almost done the first phase of this, and am going to put the second phase on hold for a later time.
i've been hosting these files in two places: bandcamp (in the form of music journals that you can buy) and noise trade (which offered the files for free, and let you donate an amount, if you want).
bandcamp is very reliable, and i thank them for it. but, within hours of finishing the last major journal update, the noise trade site just up and disappeared. the account continues to exist, and i can change the password, but i can't log into it. it's very weird.
when i signed up for noise trade a few years ago, it was an independent site that allowed for free file sharing. that was my attraction to it. up until now, the only other site that i've had on the internet with a paywall has been bandcamp, which is just a necessity in this awful economic system we exist in - i have to try to sell you something, whether i like it or not. but i try to make everything freely available, as i find ways to try to navigate through the contradictions in our day-to-day lives. i want you to pay me, but i don't. it's frustrating for everybody, but it's unavoidable. i mean, the other option is that i get a job (that is, that i sell my labour, instead) and give my art away for free, but that's kind of giving up on life, in my estimation.
what i want is for you to donate. i want grants, i want benefactors - because i want artistic freedom. i have to deal with the vulgarity of market interactions, i have to reduce things to commodities, because i don't truly have the freedom not to. but, i hate that fact, and i want to find creative ways around it.
noise trade was attractive to me for that reason - it allowed me to sort of escape the commodification of the process, and let you decide if you want to throw money at me in support, or just take the end result for free. it was a good compromise, while it lasted.
shortly after i set the site up, it got bought out by paste magazine and shifted it's hosting to the increasingly dominant amazon. the amount of ads has steadily increased, since, to the point that the site is almost unusable. and, now the site has disappeared, leaving me without an option for free dissemination. i initially sought some kind of explanation before acting further, but, after some reflection, have decided that it doesn't matter - i'd rather separate my art from that kind of profit making machinery, anyways. the site has become gross, to me.
you'll note that i don't tend to post to sites that are ad-supported, facebook being the major exception because it's so ubiquitous. but, i do almost all of my posting at blogs that are ad-free. facebook is just a necessary evil. for now. noise trade snuck the ads in on me while i was distracted, and it's time to get away and burn what was and forget it ever existed.
so, i don't know why the site evaporated, but i don't care - i don't want to interact with a site that is supported by invasive ads, anyways. it's a shame, but whatever. death to paste magazine!
i've spent the last few days trying to figure out how to react and have come to the following solutions.
1) the bandcamp site is sill there, but you can't read books on bandcamp the same way you can stream music. i wish you could - that would be the best answer. you can't, for now. so, i need to put the files up somewhere else, as well.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com
2) i want something more interactive than the google drive share, although i'm going to keep this up for the biggest files. these are just the full blogs for the period i was reconstructing:
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1NI_sEi1t9NxTeOB9Es3A2Ge8ji4iTXit?usp=sharing
3) i want a way to buy the whole thing, and don't want the overlap on bandcamp, which will hold strictly to the monthly journal format. that's going to be here, at lulu, where there are no file size restrictions:
https://www.lulu.com/search?contributor=jessica+murray
4) i'm going to use smashwords (which has strict file size and other restrictions) for free hosting of smaller files and make use of the interactive features, but i can't use it as a medium to facilitate donations, at least not until they relax their approach a little. i explain a little about this at the profile page.
https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/deathtokoalas
5) the best way to donate me money is to avoid these kinds of sites, anyways. i like bandcamp for what it is and would encourage you to support it so we don't lose it; i don't want a future of spotifies and google plays, that would kill off independent music. a site like bandcamp must continue to exist. but, if you share my aversion to market economics and want to just be a benefactor then the best thing to do is just send a donation to death.to.koalas@gmail.com, either over paypal or (even better) or interac. this is how i *really* want this to work - you send me money as a grant, and i put the thing up for free.
i will need to spend the next day or two updating these sites as replacements for the deleted noise trade site, and replacing noise trade links with lulu or smashwords links, as is appropriate.
i don't know what happened, but fuck them and their ads anyways.
so, then, this is the official launch of my smashwords site.
expect me to work this out over the day.
=========
these files are actually my biography, ongoing....
i'm going to go with this site for small files, and let you build them up. for now.
what i'm doing with this site is using it as a place to host the files for free download. so, everything here is going to have to be available for free, which is something i want and can't really find elsewhere. i'm forced to deal with the reality of market transactions whether i like it or not, but i don't produce commodities, and don't want to be treated as though i do. what i need and want is a series of artists grants; i want benefactors to donate me funds to work in freedom, i don't want sales of commodities on a market that are treated legally and taxed like products. that's vulgar, to me.
so, the journals should be available for free, and this is where to get them.
however, realize that the decision is admittedly being spurred by the fact that i can't fill out the tax forms because i live in canada and don't have a tin number. maybe, one day, i might find one. note, though, that if i do find one then i'll also have to increase the price at this site to offset the fact that they're going to take 30% out for taxes - because they're going to treat the transaction like they're taxing a commodity that's being traded over a market, which is gross. most other sites operate on more of a donation format, or allow me to decide how to treat the taxes, in the end.
if you want to donate funds to me, please either donate over paypal or interac at death.to.koalas@gmail.com or go to one of the other sites (preferably bandcamp) to do so. you don't have to agree with me philosophically to understand that i just can't fill out the tax forms on this site and consequently won't get paid if you try to send me money through it.
please also be aware that the site is performing what appears to be minor formatting edits, and i actually don't like that. you will have to download the file in pdf, but they are forcing me to upload it in word. i have properly formatted pdf files, but i can't upload them. it's really absolutely perfectly ridiculous. so, if you want to download them unedited, please try either
1) the bandcamp site in the link for the small files (where they are organized as monthly journals):
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com
or
2) the following lulu site, for the big files, where they will be organized in phases or otherwise presented in much larger chunks of time.
https://www.lulu.com/search?contributor=jessica+murray.
https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/deathtokoalas
expect me to work this out over the day.
=========
these files are actually my biography, ongoing....
i'm going to go with this site for small files, and let you build them up. for now.
what i'm doing with this site is using it as a place to host the files for free download. so, everything here is going to have to be available for free, which is something i want and can't really find elsewhere. i'm forced to deal with the reality of market transactions whether i like it or not, but i don't produce commodities, and don't want to be treated as though i do. what i need and want is a series of artists grants; i want benefactors to donate me funds to work in freedom, i don't want sales of commodities on a market that are treated legally and taxed like products. that's vulgar, to me.
so, the journals should be available for free, and this is where to get them.
however, realize that the decision is admittedly being spurred by the fact that i can't fill out the tax forms because i live in canada and don't have a tin number. maybe, one day, i might find one. note, though, that if i do find one then i'll also have to increase the price at this site to offset the fact that they're going to take 30% out for taxes - because they're going to treat the transaction like they're taxing a commodity that's being traded over a market, which is gross. most other sites operate on more of a donation format, or allow me to decide how to treat the taxes, in the end.
if you want to donate funds to me, please either donate over paypal or interac at death.to.koalas@gmail.com or go to one of the other sites (preferably bandcamp) to do so. you don't have to agree with me philosophically to understand that i just can't fill out the tax forms on this site and consequently won't get paid if you try to send me money through it.
please also be aware that the site is performing what appears to be minor formatting edits, and i actually don't like that. you will have to download the file in pdf, but they are forcing me to upload it in word. i have properly formatted pdf files, but i can't upload them. it's really absolutely perfectly ridiculous. so, if you want to download them unedited, please try either
1) the bandcamp site in the link for the small files (where they are organized as monthly journals):
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com
or
2) the following lulu site, for the big files, where they will be organized in phases or otherwise presented in much larger chunks of time.
https://www.lulu.com/search?contributor=jessica+murray.
https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/deathtokoalas
so, i decided this morning (before i fell back asleep....i tend to sleep in 3-4 hour shifts in the summer, and that's fine...) that i'm going to:
(1) see if i can fix the files for the smashwords uploads. if i can't, i'll need to retreat. i don't want broken files available; that's the whole point of what i've been doing for months. but, i think it will be relatively easy, if it just reduces to reformatting the empty white spaces.
(2) remove the pay-what-you-can section from the site, primarily due to the tax issue. due to the various concerns, this does not appear to be a good site to carry out a transaction through. so, the small files will be available at smashwords for free. they were previously available at noise trade for free, so that's not a change.
(3) what is a change is that i'm going to ask you to either go to bandcamp or otherwise just send me money directly through paypal (or over interac) if you want to support me in what i'm doing.
this will allow me to salvage the site.
but, i can't fill out the tax forms, so don't give them money if you want it to actually get to me - it's just going to sit in limbo for who knows how long. go to a site that will actually carry out the transaction. or, just send it right to me.
(1) see if i can fix the files for the smashwords uploads. if i can't, i'll need to retreat. i don't want broken files available; that's the whole point of what i've been doing for months. but, i think it will be relatively easy, if it just reduces to reformatting the empty white spaces.
(2) remove the pay-what-you-can section from the site, primarily due to the tax issue. due to the various concerns, this does not appear to be a good site to carry out a transaction through. so, the small files will be available at smashwords for free. they were previously available at noise trade for free, so that's not a change.
(3) what is a change is that i'm going to ask you to either go to bandcamp or otherwise just send me money directly through paypal (or over interac) if you want to support me in what i'm doing.
this will allow me to salvage the site.
but, i can't fill out the tax forms, so don't give them money if you want it to actually get to me - it's just going to sit in limbo for who knows how long. go to a site that will actually carry out the transaction. or, just send it right to me.
i'm not sure that his answers are really informed by much of anything, because there's not really any precedent to inform them on - the most substantive part of the interview is him pointing out that the situation is unprecedented.
if there are any rulings from 1917-1919, i don't know how useful they are today.
generally speaking, if you're a worker that feels unsafe then you should call your union rep and if you don't have a union rep then you should call the ministry. in the end, if you decide to push the issue, then it's going to be up to a judge, and that judge is probably going to be making a novel ruling that is subject to challenge at a higher court.
my substantive legal/scientific opinion is that because risks associated with contracting the disease are so low for people of working age, almost all arguments around workplace safety are going to be reducible to hypochondria. but, if you get a certain type of judge, they might be subject to the hypochondria and panic, themselves - and the issue might need to go through a few levels of the system before a correct outcome is come to.
i know that this contradicts a lot of what the government has been saying. i mean, they shut the society down, right? this must be dangerous! no - we overreacted in a ridiculous way, and much of what we did didn't make any sense.
so, you shouldn't base your judicial expectations on what the government did, because much of what the government did would have probably been overturned by review, if it was available or reasonable or timely.
the facts suggest that it's really just the flu, if you're working age. it really is.
this is hilarious. and reflective of where we are, as a society, around this.
so, the ottawa public health states what is, in truth, grade school science in it's pamphlet - that when your body defeats a virus, it produces immunity. there's nothing controversial or misleading in the pamphlet; it's really just the most basic science imaginable.
unfortunately, the federal government has produced some at times embarrassingly ignorant, anti-science statements around the topic - statements that are so ill-informed that they should have led to resignations. but, our equally ignorant media just ate it up. it's truly been the blind leading the blind; when nobody knows what they're talking about, nobody has the ability to correct false statements. so, the only thing that matters is authority, whether it's horribly wrong or not.
now, we're all so collectively ignorant, that we've demanded the retraction of basic science from the health unit because it contradicts ignorant statements made by the federal government.
the health unit is right. the feds are wrong. this is....
...this is why i've tuned out. it's just idiots everywhere you turn, and there's no use getting frustrated by it.
so, let's be clear: yes, if you catch the virus and defeat it, you will be immune to it. not for two years. forever. that's basic immunology, and if you don't know that then you should go to the library and read some fucking books. however, the virus might mutate, and if you catch a mutated strain then you might have to fight it off again.
do you understand or do you want me to draw you a picture?
https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/health-unit-backtracks-after-misleading-covid-19-immunity-advice-1.5602009
so, the ottawa public health states what is, in truth, grade school science in it's pamphlet - that when your body defeats a virus, it produces immunity. there's nothing controversial or misleading in the pamphlet; it's really just the most basic science imaginable.
unfortunately, the federal government has produced some at times embarrassingly ignorant, anti-science statements around the topic - statements that are so ill-informed that they should have led to resignations. but, our equally ignorant media just ate it up. it's truly been the blind leading the blind; when nobody knows what they're talking about, nobody has the ability to correct false statements. so, the only thing that matters is authority, whether it's horribly wrong or not.
now, we're all so collectively ignorant, that we've demanded the retraction of basic science from the health unit because it contradicts ignorant statements made by the federal government.
the health unit is right. the feds are wrong. this is....
...this is why i've tuned out. it's just idiots everywhere you turn, and there's no use getting frustrated by it.
so, let's be clear: yes, if you catch the virus and defeat it, you will be immune to it. not for two years. forever. that's basic immunology, and if you don't know that then you should go to the library and read some fucking books. however, the virus might mutate, and if you catch a mutated strain then you might have to fight it off again.
do you understand or do you want me to draw you a picture?
https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/health-unit-backtracks-after-misleading-covid-19-immunity-advice-1.5602009
i'm in an impossible situation with the smoke.
i'm pretty sure the smoke is coming from upstairs, mostly, but i've had mixed results with the windows open; sometimes, it seems like it's clearing the shit from upstairs out, and sometimes it seems like it's letting shit in.
but, if i close the window, it's going to get cold and dry in here, which is the worst.
it actually hasn't been that humid here recently. it's been hot, finally, but it's more of a dry heat. i prefer a humid heat to a dry one, myself. so, i'm not getting the turn over i really want, it's kind of just more like i've got the heat on to try to overpower the a/c.
but, my basic choice appears to be that i can close the window and suffer through the a/c or open the window and cough at the smokers on the street, which is as shitty an option as there could be. i think i hate smokers less than i hate air conditioning. which says something about how much i hate air conditioning....
i'm not sure if that's actually rigorous, though. i mean, i'm not going to swear on the directionality of my sense of smell. and, more often than not, it seems like the smoke is coming from upstairs, anyways.
i need to be clear: i've actually never seen anybody smoking anywhere near my window, in this unit. i'm pretty sure that the neighbours directly outside the window smoke, but i've never seen them outside smoking and i've seen at most two or three butts in what now amounts to almost two years. every time i've gone outside, i haven't smelled anything. i have no evidence that they're the cause of anything. in fact, they're exceedingly quiet, and i'm not sure if they're even home, or have been home for weeks.
the neighbours on the other side smoke rather heavily and the mom seems to be a "medicinal" marijuana addict. there's a family living there, at least part time, and she seems to have gotten the kids smoking at a young age. but, i'm also not sure if they're even home, and i've mostly avoided them by keeping the windows on that side of the house shut.
i suppose it's possible that what i think is coming from upstairs is actually coming from the other side, but i don't think that's actually true. while i might catch them out smoking sometimes, it's actually infrequent, and they tend to smoke in the back, on the far side. what i'm experiencing this weekend is relatively constant, and i don't think it's them.
there are heavy smokers across the street that are visible and noticeable, but they're up a hill and a ways away and it doesn't make sense to think it's seeping down in this direction. we don't get shit shinooks. the hill just isn't big enough.
so, if i could figure it out, right? if you could tell me who to yell at, i'd yell at them. but, the reality seems to be that it's somebody upstairs, and they just lie about it when confronted, so what's the point?
all i can do is clean more frequently, keep an eye out for slips i might capitalize on and otherwise wait for subsidized housing to call.
i'm pretty sure the smoke is coming from upstairs, mostly, but i've had mixed results with the windows open; sometimes, it seems like it's clearing the shit from upstairs out, and sometimes it seems like it's letting shit in.
but, if i close the window, it's going to get cold and dry in here, which is the worst.
it actually hasn't been that humid here recently. it's been hot, finally, but it's more of a dry heat. i prefer a humid heat to a dry one, myself. so, i'm not getting the turn over i really want, it's kind of just more like i've got the heat on to try to overpower the a/c.
but, my basic choice appears to be that i can close the window and suffer through the a/c or open the window and cough at the smokers on the street, which is as shitty an option as there could be. i think i hate smokers less than i hate air conditioning. which says something about how much i hate air conditioning....
i'm not sure if that's actually rigorous, though. i mean, i'm not going to swear on the directionality of my sense of smell. and, more often than not, it seems like the smoke is coming from upstairs, anyways.
i need to be clear: i've actually never seen anybody smoking anywhere near my window, in this unit. i'm pretty sure that the neighbours directly outside the window smoke, but i've never seen them outside smoking and i've seen at most two or three butts in what now amounts to almost two years. every time i've gone outside, i haven't smelled anything. i have no evidence that they're the cause of anything. in fact, they're exceedingly quiet, and i'm not sure if they're even home, or have been home for weeks.
the neighbours on the other side smoke rather heavily and the mom seems to be a "medicinal" marijuana addict. there's a family living there, at least part time, and she seems to have gotten the kids smoking at a young age. but, i'm also not sure if they're even home, and i've mostly avoided them by keeping the windows on that side of the house shut.
i suppose it's possible that what i think is coming from upstairs is actually coming from the other side, but i don't think that's actually true. while i might catch them out smoking sometimes, it's actually infrequent, and they tend to smoke in the back, on the far side. what i'm experiencing this weekend is relatively constant, and i don't think it's them.
there are heavy smokers across the street that are visible and noticeable, but they're up a hill and a ways away and it doesn't make sense to think it's seeping down in this direction. we don't get shit shinooks. the hill just isn't big enough.
so, if i could figure it out, right? if you could tell me who to yell at, i'd yell at them. but, the reality seems to be that it's somebody upstairs, and they just lie about it when confronted, so what's the point?
all i can do is clean more frequently, keep an eye out for slips i might capitalize on and otherwise wait for subsidized housing to call.
i've slept on it.
and, i can't salvage the smashwords process, after all.
the idea is that i want an option for you to pay me if you want. you don't have to; it's voluntary. it's more important to me that the files are there than that you pay me for them. but, i want the option to be there....
with this site, there's just too many problems.
even if you were to pay me, i wouldn't get it, because i can't fill out the forms. i've been kind of rationalizing my way through that; i'll figure it out. but, in truth, i probably won't.
then, i've got to boost the price by 30% to offset the taxes that are preventing the funds from flowing in the first place.
then, i've got to deal with the fact that the file are broken, which i might or might not be able to fix, but that i've decided isn't worth trying to resolve.
so, what next? i know i've been over this, but i'm still trying to clarify it in my mind, and the fact that that fucking pig upstairs is smoking isn't helping.
my options are:
1) just leave the small files at the bandcamp music journals, which i've boosted in price mildly to $4/pop. that makes the big files available for free at google drive, and the small files available at bandcamp.
2) also upload the small files to...
no.
i'm going to try to fix it first, dammit. maybe it works. maybe it doesn't.
i'm wishy-washy on this because i really don't like either choice.
let me take a shower and hope the air clears out a little in here when i get back. it's been fucking gross in here all weekend.
and, i can't salvage the smashwords process, after all.
the idea is that i want an option for you to pay me if you want. you don't have to; it's voluntary. it's more important to me that the files are there than that you pay me for them. but, i want the option to be there....
with this site, there's just too many problems.
even if you were to pay me, i wouldn't get it, because i can't fill out the forms. i've been kind of rationalizing my way through that; i'll figure it out. but, in truth, i probably won't.
then, i've got to boost the price by 30% to offset the taxes that are preventing the funds from flowing in the first place.
then, i've got to deal with the fact that the file are broken, which i might or might not be able to fix, but that i've decided isn't worth trying to resolve.
so, what next? i know i've been over this, but i'm still trying to clarify it in my mind, and the fact that that fucking pig upstairs is smoking isn't helping.
my options are:
1) just leave the small files at the bandcamp music journals, which i've boosted in price mildly to $4/pop. that makes the big files available for free at google drive, and the small files available at bandcamp.
2) also upload the small files to...
no.
i'm going to try to fix it first, dammit. maybe it works. maybe it doesn't.
i'm wishy-washy on this because i really don't like either choice.
let me take a shower and hope the air clears out a little in here when i get back. it's been fucking gross in here all weekend.
no, i've pointed this out before - one of the most important things i learned from my brief stint studying law was just how daunting the deficit of scientific literacy in the law actually is, and how often judges are asked to rule on issues that they haven't the slightest training to rule on.
it's a huge problem.
we should be focusing less on eliminating mens rea, like a bunch of backwards dark age zealots, and more on increasing scientific literacy on the prosecutors' bench.
people often act against their will, and there's massive amounts of science backing it up. we often react on reflex, before we even think, and there's often little that could have been done to reverse it. the drugs are an extreme case, but they fit the definition - these people need treatment, not punishment.
an enlightened state would understand that, not resort to base consequentialism and the evocation of biblical literalism and fire and brimstone, as it seeks to punish the evildoers.
i'm not a fatalist. i generally refer to the primacy of free will, as best we understand it. but, it seems to be a common scenario that the judiciary is forced to rule on how somebody behaves in a split-second where they essentially have no meaningful control over what they actually do - because their endocrine systems take over, or it's just an autonomous reaction.
there needs to be an increased understanding of this as we seek more enlightened solutions, not a reversion to judaic retribution or an embrace of barbarism or backwardsness.
it's a huge problem.
we should be focusing less on eliminating mens rea, like a bunch of backwards dark age zealots, and more on increasing scientific literacy on the prosecutors' bench.
people often act against their will, and there's massive amounts of science backing it up. we often react on reflex, before we even think, and there's often little that could have been done to reverse it. the drugs are an extreme case, but they fit the definition - these people need treatment, not punishment.
an enlightened state would understand that, not resort to base consequentialism and the evocation of biblical literalism and fire and brimstone, as it seeks to punish the evildoers.
i'm not a fatalist. i generally refer to the primacy of free will, as best we understand it. but, it seems to be a common scenario that the judiciary is forced to rule on how somebody behaves in a split-second where they essentially have no meaningful control over what they actually do - because their endocrine systems take over, or it's just an autonomous reaction.
there needs to be an increased understanding of this as we seek more enlightened solutions, not a reversion to judaic retribution or an embrace of barbarism or backwardsness.
the court may actually be getting the science here right, for once.
there's no value in punishing somebody for something they don't remember doing, or otherwise didn't do intentionally. that's why intent is such an important part of our legal system. and, it's frankly rather worrying to see the crown try to move away from what is a foundational principle of british law, in favour of a stricter form of retributive judeo-muslim punishment.
it's not a question of women's rights, it's a question of basic science.
it's not a question of women's rights, it's a question of basic science.
but, this is consistent with the direction the country is heading in, isn't it? we're increasingly discarding empirical science in favour of judaic religious assumptions.
we're going to need the court to push back on this - and that is not inspiring, as while the court has generally been more liberal than the parliament (which is good.), it has also generally gotten the science wrong (which is very bad).
we can't be taking mens rea out of the law, and we should be moving immediately to put a hard stop on anybody trying to do so.
we can't be taking mens rea out of the law, and we should be moving immediately to put a hard stop on anybody trying to do so.
Saturday, June 6, 2020
i had a post here, but i lost it when the internet went out and i had to reboot. this chromebook won't let you save a file, believe it or not. yeah.
remember: i'm pretty sure the guy upstairs is a cop, and i'm pretty sure he has some reason to want to stop me from posting to the internet. which i don't really understand...
but, i've been dealing with freezes on this machine all day. there's nothing on the device, so it's just an annoyance. but, it is annoying..
so, the post that was lost was thinking out loud about what to do next, after realizing that the time lag didn't fix the formatting issues at smashwords.
at first, i decided that it wasn't worth it, but then i thought to myself that i could probably fix it, if it's just empty white space, which is what i think it actually is.
i had some fruit this morning, but i didn't have an actual meal. i wanted to get this done before i ate, did dishes and ultimately went to sleep. well, when there's nothing to do, i'd rather sleep in the evening. i'm a night owl...
i may be back at this a little later, but i'm probably done for the night and will probably need to wait to get back to it in the morning.
i have a better concept of what i want to do, at least. and, i think the end point will be positive...
remember: i'm pretty sure the guy upstairs is a cop, and i'm pretty sure he has some reason to want to stop me from posting to the internet. which i don't really understand...
but, i've been dealing with freezes on this machine all day. there's nothing on the device, so it's just an annoyance. but, it is annoying..
so, the post that was lost was thinking out loud about what to do next, after realizing that the time lag didn't fix the formatting issues at smashwords.
at first, i decided that it wasn't worth it, but then i thought to myself that i could probably fix it, if it's just empty white space, which is what i think it actually is.
i had some fruit this morning, but i didn't have an actual meal. i wanted to get this done before i ate, did dishes and ultimately went to sleep. well, when there's nothing to do, i'd rather sleep in the evening. i'm a night owl...
i may be back at this a little later, but i'm probably done for the night and will probably need to wait to get back to it in the morning.
i have a better concept of what i want to do, at least. and, i think the end point will be positive...
no.
the site (smashwords) is breaking the formatting. ugh.
again: why is this so hard? it's daft, truly.
no, get your head around this.
first, it insists that i upload a doc file instead of a pdf file, and then insists on converting it to pdf (you can't download it in word format). then, it breaks the pdf in conversion. but, i converted it to pdf for them.
so, i can upload a working format, which it won't let anybody download. and, i can give them a working conversion of the file format they want to use, which they won't let me upload. instead, they demand i upload a format they won't let anyone download, convert it badly and then only offer the broken conversion.
i don't want to ask people to pay for broken files (especially considering that i have to boost the price to pay the taxes), and if i'm going to put them up for free, you'd might as well just go to a drive share, where they're not broken.
so, is this middle point worthwhile to have available archived?
there's just one thing, and it's a hunch that they may be on to it. the file hasn't been published to my page, yet. are they actually reading through every single file? is that why there's a delay? if they are, they should catch the error.
should i give it a bit, then?
but, this is absurd. why not just let the user upload their own converted pdf file?
the site (smashwords) is breaking the formatting. ugh.
again: why is this so hard? it's daft, truly.
no, get your head around this.
first, it insists that i upload a doc file instead of a pdf file, and then insists on converting it to pdf (you can't download it in word format). then, it breaks the pdf in conversion. but, i converted it to pdf for them.
so, i can upload a working format, which it won't let anybody download. and, i can give them a working conversion of the file format they want to use, which they won't let me upload. instead, they demand i upload a format they won't let anyone download, convert it badly and then only offer the broken conversion.
i don't want to ask people to pay for broken files (especially considering that i have to boost the price to pay the taxes), and if i'm going to put them up for free, you'd might as well just go to a drive share, where they're not broken.
so, is this middle point worthwhile to have available archived?
there's just one thing, and it's a hunch that they may be on to it. the file hasn't been published to my page, yet. are they actually reading through every single file? is that why there's a delay? if they are, they should catch the error.
should i give it a bit, then?
but, this is absurd. why not just let the user upload their own converted pdf file?
what i'm looking for is a site that allows pdf previewing. payhip is not that site.
however, it seems to have a 5 gb file maximum, meaning i can upload 4.7 gb isos.
i have these aleph-discs up that are basically torrents, but i've been forced to try to sell them as physical media due to their size, which i recognize that few people want. i've been waiting for a site that i can essentially upload an iso to. this might be it.
one thing at a time, but let's not forget that.
smashwords wants me to file a tax sheet and take 30% of any "royalties", like i'm some kind of corporation selling a product, rather than a peasant selling art on the digital street. i don't even have tax information to conduct commerce in the united states.
(it's not like i'm going to sell a lot of these things, anyways.)
so, it's looking more and more like it's not worth it.
let me see if i can find a better site, and let me think it through a bit more.
as i don't have a tin number and don't really want to get one, and i'd have to double the price in order to make it worthwhile (in order to pay taxes), i'd might as well just put it up for free, if i do this.
but, i'm leaning more towards just sending you to bandcamp for the monthly entries. the big files are available at the google drive site, so there's no access issues.
that's a shame. this is the kind of thing that shouldn't be taxed. we're talking about $5 transactions at most a few times a year, going to a disabled person.
(it's not like i'm going to sell a lot of these things, anyways.)
so, it's looking more and more like it's not worth it.
let me see if i can find a better site, and let me think it through a bit more.
as i don't have a tin number and don't really want to get one, and i'd have to double the price in order to make it worthwhile (in order to pay taxes), i'd might as well just put it up for free, if i do this.
but, i'm leaning more towards just sending you to bandcamp for the monthly entries. the big files are available at the google drive site, so there's no access issues.
that's a shame. this is the kind of thing that shouldn't be taxed. we're talking about $5 transactions at most a few times a year, going to a disabled person.
if the basic point being made here is that the soviets deserve the real credit for defeating the nazis, then that is very much correct. even with the importance of the lend-lease program acknowledged, the soviets remain the force that did the heavy lifting, with no help from the ukrainians or balts.
but, what an article like this is truly obscuring is the reality that the germans had already realized they'd lost, and had made a secret pact with the west to try to stop stalin before he got to madrid.
i remember the way they tried to teach this in the eighth grade as being this baffling, confusing thing that nobody understood. why didn't the germans fight back? why did they just let us walk in?
it's really the economic realities that clarify the incomprehensible, more than anything else; it was really american capital that stepped in, in it's refusal to lose germany to communism.
i cite world war two as almost the only war i've ever supported. the only threat the world has seen since that is comparable to nazism is fundamentalist islam, which is why i point to eradicating isis as being the only military operation that we can legitimately compare to eradicating the nazi state, even if there's a difference of scale.
but, we don't understand wwII very well at all.
justified or not, today's a special day. this was a war worth winning, and this is the day we celebrate it.
don't forget about it.
https://www.timescolonist.com/opinion/op-ed/comment-operation-bagration-was-the-real-d-day-1.1127733
but, what an article like this is truly obscuring is the reality that the germans had already realized they'd lost, and had made a secret pact with the west to try to stop stalin before he got to madrid.
i remember the way they tried to teach this in the eighth grade as being this baffling, confusing thing that nobody understood. why didn't the germans fight back? why did they just let us walk in?
it's really the economic realities that clarify the incomprehensible, more than anything else; it was really american capital that stepped in, in it's refusal to lose germany to communism.
i cite world war two as almost the only war i've ever supported. the only threat the world has seen since that is comparable to nazism is fundamentalist islam, which is why i point to eradicating isis as being the only military operation that we can legitimately compare to eradicating the nazi state, even if there's a difference of scale.
but, we don't understand wwII very well at all.
justified or not, today's a special day. this was a war worth winning, and this is the day we celebrate it.
don't forget about it.
https://www.timescolonist.com/opinion/op-ed/comment-operation-bagration-was-the-real-d-day-1.1127733
here's the first link:
https://www.lulu.com/en/ca/shop/jessica-murray/full-first-reconstruction-phase-dsdfghghfsdflgkfgkja-blog/ebook/product-qg9g54.html
but, as mentioned, i'm eating first.
https://www.lulu.com/en/ca/shop/jessica-murray/full-first-reconstruction-phase-dsdfghghfsdflgkfgkja-blog/ebook/product-qg9g54.html
but, as mentioned, i'm eating first.
ok.
so, when i started publishing chronological versions of these blogs at noise trade, i only had a few files to deal with, and i wasn't sure how this thing would turn out. it seemed like the best option at the time because it allowed for a free download with a suggested price; if the site had ads, i don't remember it...
i don't actually know what paste did to my account, but i kind of don't really care. the site has so many ads on it nowadays that i kind of don't want to direct any traffic there anymore, anyways. i mean, i've gone to such great lengths to keep ads off of my pages; why would i then direct people to a site with ads that somebody else profits from? i don't know if the site will come back or not, but if it does i'll delete it, and they can write that down in their ledger - it simply has too many ads to maintain artistic credibility.
further, i now have a series of large files instead of a couple of small ones, and the initial logic of periodic, sequential release periods has largely collapsed. i almost deleted half of the files the other day, and then decided not to. if i'm redoing this...
so, i'm going to be moving to a combination of lulu & smashwords instead, but i'm also going to be reevaluating how i'm presenting the information.
i initially decided that presenting the downloads in a monthly journal format, a trimesterly format and a series of other compilations would provide for maximum consumer choice. ok, i didn't say it like that, exactly - those are crude words, in truth. but, i made an attempt to present the downloads in as many ways as possible, so that people could decide what they wanted to download.
i'm no longer seeing the value in this. there's too many options, too much overlap, and a lot of it seems pointless, like i'm sticking to a formula for the sake of it.
i have monthly music journals up at bandcamp and have tried to avoid posting compilations there in order to avoid overlap, and also because there isn't a lot of conceptual meaning in posting a yearly or a semesterly music journal if i'm presenting the information by month. rather, it makes more sense to arrange the information by phases, of which there is currently only one, the first reconstruction phase. but, that won't come up to bandcamp until i get it up in the iso, which doesn't even have an aleph-number, and i'm still apprehensive about overlap, in the form of added costs to the full discography download (which nobody has bought yet, but will ultimately be the right way to donate funds to me, once the discography is truly done). so, i don't want to do it like that...
rather, we're going to use lulu for large files, as it seems like the best way to do it. it doesn't allow for previewing, which is a defect, so i've got the files up here, and they will stay there: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1NI_sEi1t9NxTeOB9Es3A2Ge8ji4iTXit
however, i'm going to avoid lulu for small files in order to minimize the clutter and instead use smashwords, but i'm going to be strategic about it when i do by trying to squeeze the files between the 15 mb upload limit and the $0.99 minimum price tag. that functionally means that the files are going to need to be more than 100 pages and probably less than 500 pages, although that will depend on the nature of the data in the file. so, instead of having strict monthly journals at smashwords, it's going to be a mix of monthly (music, politics) and semesterly (deathtokoalas), and for the travel blog will only have one entry in the end - for now. these files will also be fluid, rather than static, changing based on what actually makes sense.
if you want the monthly journal, go to bandcamp; if you want the full phase document, go to lulu. if for some reason you want something in between, go to smashwords.
and, after thinking that through and working that out all morning, its what i expect to do for the afternoon - as soon as i get something to eat, first.
this is going to probably take all day to switch over, as i'm going to need to update all of the links across four blogs and two facebook pages. but, i'm done with noise trade. so long.
so, when i started publishing chronological versions of these blogs at noise trade, i only had a few files to deal with, and i wasn't sure how this thing would turn out. it seemed like the best option at the time because it allowed for a free download with a suggested price; if the site had ads, i don't remember it...
i don't actually know what paste did to my account, but i kind of don't really care. the site has so many ads on it nowadays that i kind of don't want to direct any traffic there anymore, anyways. i mean, i've gone to such great lengths to keep ads off of my pages; why would i then direct people to a site with ads that somebody else profits from? i don't know if the site will come back or not, but if it does i'll delete it, and they can write that down in their ledger - it simply has too many ads to maintain artistic credibility.
further, i now have a series of large files instead of a couple of small ones, and the initial logic of periodic, sequential release periods has largely collapsed. i almost deleted half of the files the other day, and then decided not to. if i'm redoing this...
so, i'm going to be moving to a combination of lulu & smashwords instead, but i'm also going to be reevaluating how i'm presenting the information.
i initially decided that presenting the downloads in a monthly journal format, a trimesterly format and a series of other compilations would provide for maximum consumer choice. ok, i didn't say it like that, exactly - those are crude words, in truth. but, i made an attempt to present the downloads in as many ways as possible, so that people could decide what they wanted to download.
i'm no longer seeing the value in this. there's too many options, too much overlap, and a lot of it seems pointless, like i'm sticking to a formula for the sake of it.
i have monthly music journals up at bandcamp and have tried to avoid posting compilations there in order to avoid overlap, and also because there isn't a lot of conceptual meaning in posting a yearly or a semesterly music journal if i'm presenting the information by month. rather, it makes more sense to arrange the information by phases, of which there is currently only one, the first reconstruction phase. but, that won't come up to bandcamp until i get it up in the iso, which doesn't even have an aleph-number, and i'm still apprehensive about overlap, in the form of added costs to the full discography download (which nobody has bought yet, but will ultimately be the right way to donate funds to me, once the discography is truly done). so, i don't want to do it like that...
rather, we're going to use lulu for large files, as it seems like the best way to do it. it doesn't allow for previewing, which is a defect, so i've got the files up here, and they will stay there: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1NI_sEi1t9NxTeOB9Es3A2Ge8ji4iTXit
however, i'm going to avoid lulu for small files in order to minimize the clutter and instead use smashwords, but i'm going to be strategic about it when i do by trying to squeeze the files between the 15 mb upload limit and the $0.99 minimum price tag. that functionally means that the files are going to need to be more than 100 pages and probably less than 500 pages, although that will depend on the nature of the data in the file. so, instead of having strict monthly journals at smashwords, it's going to be a mix of monthly (music, politics) and semesterly (deathtokoalas), and for the travel blog will only have one entry in the end - for now. these files will also be fluid, rather than static, changing based on what actually makes sense.
if you want the monthly journal, go to bandcamp; if you want the full phase document, go to lulu. if for some reason you want something in between, go to smashwords.
and, after thinking that through and working that out all morning, its what i expect to do for the afternoon - as soon as i get something to eat, first.
this is going to probably take all day to switch over, as i'm going to need to update all of the links across four blogs and two facebook pages. but, i'm done with noise trade. so long.
i'm looking into different e-book hosting sites and everybody wants to convert the file.
i spent a lot of time formatting this. i don't want you to convert it, and i don't want to follow your rules - i just want you to host the file. i'm the creator, not you - i want to be in control. i don't want your convenience. i don't want your advice. i don't want your convention. i just want a server to upload the data to, and a transaction wall attached to it.
also, i want to avoid amazon, which looks like it's going to be hard. i don't see any use in smashing it up, but it would be nice if they could be prevented from buying anything else out. i don't want a baby-amazon, i want an independent service, like bandcamp.
strangely, these services seem to promote putting your book up on amazon as a benefit. what? no...i'd rather not have anything to do with the major labels...
i'm taking a closer look at paste magazine, and the site is clearly supported by intrusive ads. it wasn't like that when i signed up for noise trade, or at least it didn't seem like it was. i don't know what they've done, but i think i'd really rather find somewhere else. it's caught up to me by stealth, but it's actually the kind of site that i usually try to strenuously avoid.
what else is there?
i could upload directly to amazon, but i don't want to.
smashwords has a size limit, amongst other things. i don't mind uploading in doc format, but my files are too big for them, apparently - and they're only going to get bigger. they insist on converting to pdf themselves, and it's doing weird things to the formatting that i don't like. further, they're going to distribute it to the major sites, too. if i could find something that's very much like this, but more hands-off....
kobo wants to convert to epub explicitly, and while i don't mind if you try to convert to these weird formats for your own use (at your own risk), i don't use them myself and don't officially support them. i support .doc and .pdf. it's just going to create a broken output file...
scribd charges a monthly fee, which is a nonstarter.
lulu is...
maybe what i want.
hrmmn.
i spent a lot of time formatting this. i don't want you to convert it, and i don't want to follow your rules - i just want you to host the file. i'm the creator, not you - i want to be in control. i don't want your convenience. i don't want your advice. i don't want your convention. i just want a server to upload the data to, and a transaction wall attached to it.
also, i want to avoid amazon, which looks like it's going to be hard. i don't see any use in smashing it up, but it would be nice if they could be prevented from buying anything else out. i don't want a baby-amazon, i want an independent service, like bandcamp.
strangely, these services seem to promote putting your book up on amazon as a benefit. what? no...i'd rather not have anything to do with the major labels...
i'm taking a closer look at paste magazine, and the site is clearly supported by intrusive ads. it wasn't like that when i signed up for noise trade, or at least it didn't seem like it was. i don't know what they've done, but i think i'd really rather find somewhere else. it's caught up to me by stealth, but it's actually the kind of site that i usually try to strenuously avoid.
what else is there?
i could upload directly to amazon, but i don't want to.
lulu is...
maybe what i want.
hrmmn.
it may have been psychological....
but, i could have sworn i felt my eyes refocus as i was eating the first red pepper, as though my body was saying thank you for getting me the nutrients you've been denying me. i'm sorry, ocular system; i'm sorry, brain. i didn't realize it. really.
your eyes are really a window into your brain, literally. it's like your brain burrowed out into the world through your skull and tried to eat the light...
i understand that it won't fix my broader vision problems, which are....this is a very sad story, actually....
i had surgery for a "lazy eye" when i was a kid, which was something my parents got into a heated argument about. basically, my mother decided that i should get the surgery because she had the surgery. that was the extent of her logic - she had it, so therefore i must have it. i don't know if this is a result of how alcoholics anonymous destroys your brain or if she was a genetic determinist to begin with, but she has little concept of the stochasticism and randomness that defines modern science, including modern genetics - she seems to think, essentially, that dna is some kind of god, and we have almost no ability to overturn it. in her estimation, we are entirely predetermined at birth, and that's all there is to it.
she had a lazy eye, therefore i have a lazy eye. qed.
as mentioned, i think the root cause of this weirdness is not some kind of calvinism, or at least not explicitly, but the 12-step program, which has brainwashed her into thinking that she has a genetic disease called alcoholism that she has no free will over. she has extrapolated that exceedingly widely, in absolutely absurd ways, and this is really just one example of it, however extreme it is.
my dad insisted on some kind of evidence and this is the crushingly sad part of it - he took me to doctor after doctor and they all actually told me that i don't have an eye condition. that's right - i saw roughly ten doctors, and they all told me my vision was great.
she finally found a doctor that would do it, and the result is that my eyesight has been relatively poor ever since.
i was too young to really put up much of a fight. and, the court gave my mom custody, despite her history of substance dependence and mental illness, because a child should be with their mother - my dad had no legal ability to stop it.
so, the vitmain a won't undo a surgery that should have never been done or fix my eyesight that was ruined at the end of a knife blade.
but, i swear that i felt it sharpen in focus. for a minute.
it was getting pretty bad for a bit. really. i can handle being near-sighted, but i'd like the distance before it clicks in to be more than a foot. if it helps even a little, that's welcome.
but, i could have sworn i felt my eyes refocus as i was eating the first red pepper, as though my body was saying thank you for getting me the nutrients you've been denying me. i'm sorry, ocular system; i'm sorry, brain. i didn't realize it. really.
your eyes are really a window into your brain, literally. it's like your brain burrowed out into the world through your skull and tried to eat the light...
i understand that it won't fix my broader vision problems, which are....this is a very sad story, actually....
i had surgery for a "lazy eye" when i was a kid, which was something my parents got into a heated argument about. basically, my mother decided that i should get the surgery because she had the surgery. that was the extent of her logic - she had it, so therefore i must have it. i don't know if this is a result of how alcoholics anonymous destroys your brain or if she was a genetic determinist to begin with, but she has little concept of the stochasticism and randomness that defines modern science, including modern genetics - she seems to think, essentially, that dna is some kind of god, and we have almost no ability to overturn it. in her estimation, we are entirely predetermined at birth, and that's all there is to it.
she had a lazy eye, therefore i have a lazy eye. qed.
as mentioned, i think the root cause of this weirdness is not some kind of calvinism, or at least not explicitly, but the 12-step program, which has brainwashed her into thinking that she has a genetic disease called alcoholism that she has no free will over. she has extrapolated that exceedingly widely, in absolutely absurd ways, and this is really just one example of it, however extreme it is.
my dad insisted on some kind of evidence and this is the crushingly sad part of it - he took me to doctor after doctor and they all actually told me that i don't have an eye condition. that's right - i saw roughly ten doctors, and they all told me my vision was great.
she finally found a doctor that would do it, and the result is that my eyesight has been relatively poor ever since.
i was too young to really put up much of a fight. and, the court gave my mom custody, despite her history of substance dependence and mental illness, because a child should be with their mother - my dad had no legal ability to stop it.
so, the vitmain a won't undo a surgery that should have never been done or fix my eyesight that was ruined at the end of a knife blade.
but, i swear that i felt it sharpen in focus. for a minute.
it was getting pretty bad for a bit. really. i can handle being near-sighted, but i'd like the distance before it clicks in to be more than a foot. if it helps even a little, that's welcome.
Friday, June 5, 2020
they're going to be waiting until the fall with those criteria.
the reality is that ontario has no idea where it is at all in this because the data is so poor. at least quebec seems to have a handle on what's happening; in ontario, they give these numbers to the media that have no reflection on reality at all, due to a combination of out of date technology and purposeful manipulation. we know that they're weeks behind in reporting, and we know that they have thousands of tests on backorder, but the extent of it is really unknown. it's a conspiracy of the obsolete and the incompetent.
so, i've decided not to bother.
but, if this is the condition? you'll be lucky to get a beer before labour day, as they're still counting deaths from july in september.
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/ontario-covid19-reopening-stage-2-doug-ford-1.5598072
the reality is that ontario has no idea where it is at all in this because the data is so poor. at least quebec seems to have a handle on what's happening; in ontario, they give these numbers to the media that have no reflection on reality at all, due to a combination of out of date technology and purposeful manipulation. we know that they're weeks behind in reporting, and we know that they have thousands of tests on backorder, but the extent of it is really unknown. it's a conspiracy of the obsolete and the incompetent.
so, i've decided not to bother.
but, if this is the condition? you'll be lucky to get a beer before labour day, as they're still counting deaths from july in september.
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/ontario-covid19-reopening-stage-2-doug-ford-1.5598072
i just find this so horribly frustrating. it's enough to make me want to just go out into the woods and hack them off with a fucking machete, then call an ambulance and let them deal with the blood loss, and then send the bill to the "specialist" that refused to do it.
and, as it is, i lost a week looking for hormones that should really be available over the counter to try and fight off a hormonal imbalance that should have been corrected eons ago. ugh.
so, what's happened since tuesday morning?
as mentioned, i went to an appointment on tuesday. my vitals are great, but my testosterone is...it's not as wonderfully low as it was previously, and it's been creeping up, which i need to put a stop to, immediately. the doctor suggested i move to spiro and i tentatively agreed without really looking into it. i also picked up some generic estrogen on the way home, after realizing how hard it's going to be to get the brand name product, which i later learned is on back-order for the foreseeable future.
i also picked up some red peppers when i was out, as i mentioned i would, to try to get the A up. but, it otherwise wasn't a very exciting day.
i was hoping to get a start on the court stuff overnight, but i got lost in researching the different anti-androgens, instead, and ended up sending a lengthy fax to my doctor, requesting we go back to cyproterone and boost the dose to try to stop the testosterone from creeping up further and potentially detransitioning me (which would be a deep existential crisis that probably would make me suicidal). in the afternoon, i ended up calling every store in town and finding 30 estrace pills at the furthest possible store.
how far? this far:
it actually wasn't that long a ride, and i found myself disappointed by the fact that i didn't even break a sweat. i'm not exaggerating - my brow was bone dry, after biking in the heat for an hour in either direction. a big part of the problem was that there was a cool breeze running the whole way. so, i was hoping for a nice sweaty ride in 40 degree humidity - exercising in sauna-like conditions - and instead ended up in a situation that was more like biking in an air conditioned room, which is pointless. in fact, it was sort of depressing. i didn't start to feel the heat until late in the afternoon, when it went over 30, but by then i was about to come in....
the doctor did reverse the prescription for me, but he didn't immediately boost the dosage. so, i picked up a refill for thirty days that is only going to last me 15, and i asked the pharmacy to fax the doctor, asking him if he got the dosage right.
i was at least tired when i got in, but, if anything, it seemed like i'd gained a few points from the mountain dew i was drinking as a pick-me-up. and i'm sort of distraught about it, as i may hardly get any exercise at all this summer, if they don't let me out to do stuff. i don't want to go out and ride my bike around in circles like a fucking retard to get my heart rate up; i'd feel like i'm wasting my time. and, i'm not interested in protest politics that aren't fundamentally about class, which seems to be out of fashion right now (i'll wait.). but, if i can get out to go to concerts and stuff, i can get a lot of exercise just by using my bike as a means of transportation. that's what i've been relying on for years. yesterday was my chance to sweat it out, and i feel it was wasted by the cool weather.
i mean, i could have picked up the pace, and that would have potentially got me sweating a little, but at the expense of building muscle. i'm interested in cardio; i'm not interested in weight gain. so, i don't want to do exercises designed to build muscle, which is what biking hard in a cool wind is. that's actually why i've been avoiding the bike all year - it's been too cold, and biking in the cold leads to weight gain, not weight loss.
*shrug*
i slept until early in the morning, and i've been kind of doing loose ends kinds of things since - putting away fruit, doing dishes, eating, cleaning up the blog, etc.
i got the replacement noise trade site up last night when i got out of the shower, and before i crashed. still no word back from them. and, it's still up. for now. i dunno....i really want them to write me some kind of essay, so i understand.
what's next?
well, i wanted to get a handle on the court stuff this week, but i guess that's done, now. it looks more like that's going to be a weekend thing. and, i should probably give paste another few days to respond before i give up on them and set up shop elsewhere.
as of right now, i should be in for another 15-20 days, until i need to get out to find more estrogen. so, let's hope i can get these things done with in that space, and get a good start on the last batch of liner notes to close the first reconstruction phase.
and, as it is, i lost a week looking for hormones that should really be available over the counter to try and fight off a hormonal imbalance that should have been corrected eons ago. ugh.
so, what's happened since tuesday morning?
as mentioned, i went to an appointment on tuesday. my vitals are great, but my testosterone is...it's not as wonderfully low as it was previously, and it's been creeping up, which i need to put a stop to, immediately. the doctor suggested i move to spiro and i tentatively agreed without really looking into it. i also picked up some generic estrogen on the way home, after realizing how hard it's going to be to get the brand name product, which i later learned is on back-order for the foreseeable future.
i also picked up some red peppers when i was out, as i mentioned i would, to try to get the A up. but, it otherwise wasn't a very exciting day.
i was hoping to get a start on the court stuff overnight, but i got lost in researching the different anti-androgens, instead, and ended up sending a lengthy fax to my doctor, requesting we go back to cyproterone and boost the dose to try to stop the testosterone from creeping up further and potentially detransitioning me (which would be a deep existential crisis that probably would make me suicidal). in the afternoon, i ended up calling every store in town and finding 30 estrace pills at the furthest possible store.
how far? this far:
it actually wasn't that long a ride, and i found myself disappointed by the fact that i didn't even break a sweat. i'm not exaggerating - my brow was bone dry, after biking in the heat for an hour in either direction. a big part of the problem was that there was a cool breeze running the whole way. so, i was hoping for a nice sweaty ride in 40 degree humidity - exercising in sauna-like conditions - and instead ended up in a situation that was more like biking in an air conditioned room, which is pointless. in fact, it was sort of depressing. i didn't start to feel the heat until late in the afternoon, when it went over 30, but by then i was about to come in....
the doctor did reverse the prescription for me, but he didn't immediately boost the dosage. so, i picked up a refill for thirty days that is only going to last me 15, and i asked the pharmacy to fax the doctor, asking him if he got the dosage right.
i was at least tired when i got in, but, if anything, it seemed like i'd gained a few points from the mountain dew i was drinking as a pick-me-up. and i'm sort of distraught about it, as i may hardly get any exercise at all this summer, if they don't let me out to do stuff. i don't want to go out and ride my bike around in circles like a fucking retard to get my heart rate up; i'd feel like i'm wasting my time. and, i'm not interested in protest politics that aren't fundamentally about class, which seems to be out of fashion right now (i'll wait.). but, if i can get out to go to concerts and stuff, i can get a lot of exercise just by using my bike as a means of transportation. that's what i've been relying on for years. yesterday was my chance to sweat it out, and i feel it was wasted by the cool weather.
i mean, i could have picked up the pace, and that would have potentially got me sweating a little, but at the expense of building muscle. i'm interested in cardio; i'm not interested in weight gain. so, i don't want to do exercises designed to build muscle, which is what biking hard in a cool wind is. that's actually why i've been avoiding the bike all year - it's been too cold, and biking in the cold leads to weight gain, not weight loss.
*shrug*
i slept until early in the morning, and i've been kind of doing loose ends kinds of things since - putting away fruit, doing dishes, eating, cleaning up the blog, etc.
i got the replacement noise trade site up last night when i got out of the shower, and before i crashed. still no word back from them. and, it's still up. for now. i dunno....i really want them to write me some kind of essay, so i understand.
what's next?
well, i wanted to get a handle on the court stuff this week, but i guess that's done, now. it looks more like that's going to be a weekend thing. and, i should probably give paste another few days to respond before i give up on them and set up shop elsewhere.
as of right now, i should be in for another 15-20 days, until i need to get out to find more estrogen. so, let's hope i can get these things done with in that space, and get a good start on the last batch of liner notes to close the first reconstruction phase.
ugh.
my doctor doesn't want to increase my dosage of cyproterone. so, i'm going to have to find a way to get around him.
i sent him this today, and we'll see what he tells me, but i'll order it from out of the country if he doesn't prescribe it, that's fine.
===
hi.
i feel it's my responsibility as a patient to let you know that i began doubling my dosage of cyproterone yesterday, and will be continuing to take 200 mg a day until my next bloodwork. i have enough supply to last me until the end of june and will find some other way to secure a sufficient amount of t-blockers if you won't prescribe it.
i was also able to find enough brand name estrogen to take me until the end of june, and was consequently only on the generics for 24 hours. we'll have to see if i can secure a larger supply of the brand name after that.
i do not want my testosterone to continue to increase, or to continue suffering any of the side effects that seem to be associated with the creeping testosterone levels. i will let you know at our next appointment if the increased dosage of cyproterone has ameliorated any of the side effects i was associating with it, and we'll have to see if it takes it back towards 0, where it was before.
i do not want a male sex drive.
i do not want penile function, in any way at all.
i am not interested in sex, in any context.
i do not want to masturbate. at all.
i do not want muscle mass.
i do not want body hair.
i do not want testosterone. at all.
my doctor doesn't want to increase my dosage of cyproterone. so, i'm going to have to find a way to get around him.
i sent him this today, and we'll see what he tells me, but i'll order it from out of the country if he doesn't prescribe it, that's fine.
===
hi.
i feel it's my responsibility as a patient to let you know that i began doubling my dosage of cyproterone yesterday, and will be continuing to take 200 mg a day until my next bloodwork. i have enough supply to last me until the end of june and will find some other way to secure a sufficient amount of t-blockers if you won't prescribe it.
i was also able to find enough brand name estrogen to take me until the end of june, and was consequently only on the generics for 24 hours. we'll have to see if i can secure a larger supply of the brand name after that.
i do not want my testosterone to continue to increase, or to continue suffering any of the side effects that seem to be associated with the creeping testosterone levels. i will let you know at our next appointment if the increased dosage of cyproterone has ameliorated any of the side effects i was associating with it, and we'll have to see if it takes it back towards 0, where it was before.
i do not want a male sex drive.
i do not want penile function, in any way at all.
i am not interested in sex, in any context.
i do not want to masturbate. at all.
i do not want muscle mass.
i do not want body hair.
i do not want testosterone. at all.
i sent a third letter to paste magazine about my noise trade site.
my author account (death.to.koalas@gmail.com) appears to have become inactive at some point over the last few days.
the following page is just blank:
https://books.noisetrade.com/j
further, links to the books create 404s:
https://www.pastemagazine.com/
while i am the type of writer that enjoys being offensive and will continue to do so on purpose, i have received no communication from the site around any concerns about the contents of the blogs. they just disappeared. as such, i do not know if you've decided to censor me, if there is a glitch in the site or if i even got hacked.
i would appreciate some clarification before i decide to give up on paste magazine as a hosting solution and move my files somewhere else, instead.
thanks,
j
the second upload hasn't been taken down yet.
i will continue to pester them until they respond.
my author account (death.to.koalas@gmail.com) appears to have become inactive at some point over the last few days.
the following page is just blank:
https://books.noisetrade.com/j
further, links to the books create 404s:
https://www.pastemagazine.com/
while i am the type of writer that enjoys being offensive and will continue to do so on purpose, i have received no communication from the site around any concerns about the contents of the blogs. they just disappeared. as such, i do not know if you've decided to censor me, if there is a glitch in the site or if i even got hacked.
i would appreciate some clarification before i decide to give up on paste magazine as a hosting solution and move my files somewhere else, instead.
thanks,
j
the second upload hasn't been taken down yet.
i will continue to pester them until they respond.
if somebody is smoking a foot from your window and you ask them to stop and they refuse (because they're too shit-faced drink all of the time to form a cogent thought process), what do you do?
if you're going to tell me they have the right to smoke and i have the obligation to accept it, i'm going to disagree with you, and call you a moron.
i asked nicely, and they just swore at me and told me i use "big words". this woman was probably clinically retarded, from however many years of heavy alcoholism, and who knows what else. she could not be reasoned with. and i did try.
so, what do you do?
i'm an activist, and i resorted to direct action; what i did was what i could in that legal grey area between protest and technical illegality, and i was in the right to do it, and she was in the wrong to resist it.
i would have been happy to fight this in court, and i would have won.
if you're going to tell me they have the right to smoke and i have the obligation to accept it, i'm going to disagree with you, and call you a moron.
i asked nicely, and they just swore at me and told me i use "big words". this woman was probably clinically retarded, from however many years of heavy alcoholism, and who knows what else. she could not be reasoned with. and i did try.
so, what do you do?
i'm an activist, and i resorted to direct action; what i did was what i could in that legal grey area between protest and technical illegality, and i was in the right to do it, and she was in the wrong to resist it.
i would have been happy to fight this in court, and i would have won.
and, if you're curious, the "medical" marijuana user that i called the police on to get a report to take to the landlord & tenant board was very white. i'd guess she was polish, or otherwise of eastern european extraction.
she looked a lot like andrea horwath, during one of her between-elections fat phases:
the woman that called the police on me for "harassing" her when she ignored me when i asked her to smoke away from my window, however, was black. i was blaring loud music out my window whenever she sat outside (it was merzbow.) and otherwise making her smoking experience uncomfortable as a disincentive for her to smoke there, so she called me in for bothering her. i don't think i had an obligation to sit there and breathe in her filth, and am not sorry for making her life unpleasant, as she was polluting my living space and refused to adjust to requests not to.
when the cops arrived, i argued that my behaviour was justified by her insistence on smoking near my window and told them point blank that i was trying to chase her off, and i wasn't going to stop. i was willing to take the fight to court; if she didn't like what i was doing, she should smoke somewhere else. i also suggested that they file charges against her for causing a nuisance, which is defined in canadian law as follows:
Common nuisance
180 (1) Every person is guilty of an indictable offence and liable to imprisonment for a term of not more than two years or is guilty of an offence punishable on summary conviction who commits a common nuisance and by doing so
(a) endangers the lives, safety or health of the public, or
(b) causes physical injury to any person.
(2) For the purposes of this section, every one commits a common nuisance who does an unlawful act or fails to discharge a legal duty and thereby
(a) endangers the lives, safety, health, property or comfort of the public; or
(b) obstructs the public in the exercise or enjoyment of any right that is common to all the subjects of Her Majesty in Canada.
i don't know who, in 2020, can argue with a straight face that second-hand smoke is not endangering the health of the public. however, i was unable to convince any of the officers to file charges against her.
as she continued to smoke in a way that bothered me, i did threaten to take the issue directly to the justice of the peace if she didn't smoke somewhere else, but this was after she called the cops on me for trying to chase her off with the merzbow. in the end, my threats do seem to have been effective in coercing her to smoke elsewhere. for the last several weeks of my tenancy in the unit, she smoked in the front of the house, away from my window.
so, i did a lot of things to piss this woman off, and i also attempted to get bylaw involved under anti-smoking regulations, but i did not call the police to deal with the smoke complaint, as i realized they had no actionable cause without clear evidence of intentional harm. and, i had actually decided to bypass the cops (who are useless.) and go directly to the judge. but, i didn't have to, in the end - she realized what she was doing was wrong and modified her behaviour. eventually...
it should not have taken weeks of yelling and screaming to get her to react responsibly, but she did the right thing in the end.
however, if i thought they could have done something, if there was a law around second-hand smoke in residential areas that they could actually enforce, then i might have called them, sure.
my preference was direct action against the smoker, and that's what i did, and, in the end, it did work. she called them on me, not the other way around.
and, while the issue is not cited in the harassment charge against me that was eventually dropped (i was charged with repeatedly applying for housing. i kept applying because i claimed the property owner was discriminating against me. the property owner, who is rich and powerful and therefore a friend of the police, essentially argued that my claims of discrimination were harassment. because she was upper class, she got the cops to go for that very stupid argument, which was instantly laughed at by the court, and eventually retracted by the prosecutor. conversely, my much stronger legal argument for criminal nuisance around secondhand smoke was not accepted by the police, because i'm poor. do you see how class is important, here?), it is clear enough that it had a lot to do with the illegal arrest that eventually happened, as it was the same officers involved. and, i have in fact cited the officer's behaviour, in context, as reasoning for my request that he be charged with harassment, for repeatedly coming to my house and bothering me.
just in case that's unclear.
she looked a lot like andrea horwath, during one of her between-elections fat phases:
the woman that called the police on me for "harassing" her when she ignored me when i asked her to smoke away from my window, however, was black. i was blaring loud music out my window whenever she sat outside (it was merzbow.) and otherwise making her smoking experience uncomfortable as a disincentive for her to smoke there, so she called me in for bothering her. i don't think i had an obligation to sit there and breathe in her filth, and am not sorry for making her life unpleasant, as she was polluting my living space and refused to adjust to requests not to.
when the cops arrived, i argued that my behaviour was justified by her insistence on smoking near my window and told them point blank that i was trying to chase her off, and i wasn't going to stop. i was willing to take the fight to court; if she didn't like what i was doing, she should smoke somewhere else. i also suggested that they file charges against her for causing a nuisance, which is defined in canadian law as follows:
Common nuisance
180 (1) Every person is guilty of an indictable offence and liable to imprisonment for a term of not more than two years or is guilty of an offence punishable on summary conviction who commits a common nuisance and by doing so
(a) endangers the lives, safety or health of the public, or
(b) causes physical injury to any person.
(2) For the purposes of this section, every one commits a common nuisance who does an unlawful act or fails to discharge a legal duty and thereby
(a) endangers the lives, safety, health, property or comfort of the public; or
(b) obstructs the public in the exercise or enjoyment of any right that is common to all the subjects of Her Majesty in Canada.
i don't know who, in 2020, can argue with a straight face that second-hand smoke is not endangering the health of the public. however, i was unable to convince any of the officers to file charges against her.
as she continued to smoke in a way that bothered me, i did threaten to take the issue directly to the justice of the peace if she didn't smoke somewhere else, but this was after she called the cops on me for trying to chase her off with the merzbow. in the end, my threats do seem to have been effective in coercing her to smoke elsewhere. for the last several weeks of my tenancy in the unit, she smoked in the front of the house, away from my window.
so, i did a lot of things to piss this woman off, and i also attempted to get bylaw involved under anti-smoking regulations, but i did not call the police to deal with the smoke complaint, as i realized they had no actionable cause without clear evidence of intentional harm. and, i had actually decided to bypass the cops (who are useless.) and go directly to the judge. but, i didn't have to, in the end - she realized what she was doing was wrong and modified her behaviour. eventually...
it should not have taken weeks of yelling and screaming to get her to react responsibly, but she did the right thing in the end.
however, if i thought they could have done something, if there was a law around second-hand smoke in residential areas that they could actually enforce, then i might have called them, sure.
my preference was direct action against the smoker, and that's what i did, and, in the end, it did work. she called them on me, not the other way around.
and, while the issue is not cited in the harassment charge against me that was eventually dropped (i was charged with repeatedly applying for housing. i kept applying because i claimed the property owner was discriminating against me. the property owner, who is rich and powerful and therefore a friend of the police, essentially argued that my claims of discrimination were harassment. because she was upper class, she got the cops to go for that very stupid argument, which was instantly laughed at by the court, and eventually retracted by the prosecutor. conversely, my much stronger legal argument for criminal nuisance around secondhand smoke was not accepted by the police, because i'm poor. do you see how class is important, here?), it is clear enough that it had a lot to do with the illegal arrest that eventually happened, as it was the same officers involved. and, i have in fact cited the officer's behaviour, in context, as reasoning for my request that he be charged with harassment, for repeatedly coming to my house and bothering me.
just in case that's unclear.
i haven't killed any cops yet. but, i've dealt with this twice, and i need to plead with people.
stop calling the fucking cops on people that you love. it's beyond fucking stupid.
when i first went back on hormones in 2009, i just bought a bunch of hormones from india. when my dad found out, he had a fit because he was concerned i might accidentally buy something like fentanyl (a concern tied into experiences with his own recreational drug use in the 70s). in a technical sense, he was sort of right - i wasn't testing the drugs. i didn't really know that the pills that said 'estrace' on them and that came in the estrace package were really estrace; they could have been heroin. but, i told him he was being paranoid.
he called the cops to try to convince me to go to a doctor. they treated it like a drug investigation, showed up at my front door, violently cuffed me and physically forced me to go to a hospital. when i got to a doctor, he was shocked. i told him that the cops had no right to do what they did, and he completely agreed with me. he did suggest i call a gp about the hormones. but, it was a thirty second doctor's appointment.
at the time, dr. barwin had a virtual monopoly on trans patients in ottawa. i did call him. i believe he's in jail now on a fraud conviction, due to mixing up sperm donations.
the second time, my mother called the cops on me for posting the following article to facebook:
https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/commentators/julian-baggini-suicide-can-be-a-rational-choice-1912358.html
the article is an argument in favour of assisted suicide which, as it happens to be, is actually legal in canada, now, after a series of court rulings
my mother - who is a heroin addict and an alcoholic and was probably shit-faced drunk at the time - called the windsor coast unit because she was concerned i was suicidal due to posting that link. which is ridiculous...
when questioned, my mother denied making the call, but i knew it was her (because she was the only person in my friends list with my address), so i deleted her from facebook for it. it otherwise seemed rather benign at first - until it showed up in the disclosure for the illegal arrest that i'm currently fighting, as justification for holding me.
unless you are rich and powerful, the police are not your friends. the police are a relatively recent human invention that was created and continues to exist for the sole and precise purpose of controlling working people. they are there to protect the rich from the poor; that is what the police were invented to do, it's what they're trained to do and it's what they actually do.
don't send them after your loved ones, under the idea that they'll help. they won't; they're not supposed to, and you're wrong to think otherwise.
so, i don't know what happened here, but i know that when my parents (on separate occasions) called the police on me, it left me feeling violated and angry. the second time, i had marijuana on the premises, before it was legal. her reaction may have been foolish, but was perhaps not irrational - i may have liked to go after the ones that showed up at my door with a knife, too, even if i knew better, and didn't.
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/new-brunswick/edmundston-police-shooting-fatal-1.5597994
stop calling the fucking cops on people that you love. it's beyond fucking stupid.
when i first went back on hormones in 2009, i just bought a bunch of hormones from india. when my dad found out, he had a fit because he was concerned i might accidentally buy something like fentanyl (a concern tied into experiences with his own recreational drug use in the 70s). in a technical sense, he was sort of right - i wasn't testing the drugs. i didn't really know that the pills that said 'estrace' on them and that came in the estrace package were really estrace; they could have been heroin. but, i told him he was being paranoid.
he called the cops to try to convince me to go to a doctor. they treated it like a drug investigation, showed up at my front door, violently cuffed me and physically forced me to go to a hospital. when i got to a doctor, he was shocked. i told him that the cops had no right to do what they did, and he completely agreed with me. he did suggest i call a gp about the hormones. but, it was a thirty second doctor's appointment.
at the time, dr. barwin had a virtual monopoly on trans patients in ottawa. i did call him. i believe he's in jail now on a fraud conviction, due to mixing up sperm donations.
the second time, my mother called the cops on me for posting the following article to facebook:
https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/commentators/julian-baggini-suicide-can-be-a-rational-choice-1912358.html
the article is an argument in favour of assisted suicide which, as it happens to be, is actually legal in canada, now, after a series of court rulings
my mother - who is a heroin addict and an alcoholic and was probably shit-faced drunk at the time - called the windsor coast unit because she was concerned i was suicidal due to posting that link. which is ridiculous...
when questioned, my mother denied making the call, but i knew it was her (because she was the only person in my friends list with my address), so i deleted her from facebook for it. it otherwise seemed rather benign at first - until it showed up in the disclosure for the illegal arrest that i'm currently fighting, as justification for holding me.
unless you are rich and powerful, the police are not your friends. the police are a relatively recent human invention that was created and continues to exist for the sole and precise purpose of controlling working people. they are there to protect the rich from the poor; that is what the police were invented to do, it's what they're trained to do and it's what they actually do.
don't send them after your loved ones, under the idea that they'll help. they won't; they're not supposed to, and you're wrong to think otherwise.
so, i don't know what happened here, but i know that when my parents (on separate occasions) called the police on me, it left me feeling violated and angry. the second time, i had marijuana on the premises, before it was legal. her reaction may have been foolish, but was perhaps not irrational - i may have liked to go after the ones that showed up at my door with a knife, too, even if i knew better, and didn't.
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/new-brunswick/edmundston-police-shooting-fatal-1.5597994
Thursday, June 4, 2020
i'm still hoping this is temporary, as i don't understand what's happened to the existing site. it seems to continue to exist, but i can't log into it. so, is it frozen? disabled? i've received no communication from them at all...
did i get hacked?
in the mean time, i've set up a new site. this is a sort of a test. i suppose that if the site ends up frozen like the other one, i'll know that noise trade has frozen it. but, if it doesn't, i'm going to start to wonder if i got hacked.
there are fake deathtokoalas out there, and some of them seem to be unhealthily obsessed about it.
http://books.noisetrade.com/jj/072013-012014-dsdfghghfsdflgkfgkja
did i get hacked?
in the mean time, i've set up a new site. this is a sort of a test. i suppose that if the site ends up frozen like the other one, i'll know that noise trade has frozen it. but, if it doesn't, i'm going to start to wonder if i got hacked.
there are fake deathtokoalas out there, and some of them seem to be unhealthily obsessed about it.
when i search for myself, it comes up. the files are there, but they're inaccessible.
so, i changed the email address associated with the user account to something else. this seems to have decoupled the accounts, at least. i then tried to create a new account with my old email address, but it then told me the address was still associated with another account. i tried to change the password again, and i got the same error.
so, i think that what i've figured out is that it acknowledges that my account exists, but it won't let me log into it, which firms up one of two situations: either the site is experiencing some kind of broken logon server, or i'm essentially banned from logging in.
i sent them a follow-up. we'll see what happens.
so, i changed the email address associated with the user account to something else. this seems to have decoupled the accounts, at least. i then tried to create a new account with my old email address, but it then told me the address was still associated with another account. i tried to change the password again, and i got the same error.
so, i think that what i've figured out is that it acknowledges that my account exists, but it won't let me log into it, which firms up one of two situations: either the site is experiencing some kind of broken logon server, or i'm essentially banned from logging in.
i sent them a follow-up. we'll see what happens.
so, what seems to have happened is that my account was converted from an "author" account at noise trade into a "user" account at paste.
which is, like...no thank you.
should i just delete the account and start over? i have absolutely no interest in paste magazine, at all.
did somebody steal the account, even?
hrmmn.
which is, like...no thank you.
should i just delete the account and start over? i have absolutely no interest in paste magazine, at all.
did somebody steal the account, even?
hrmmn.
this is temporary, but i don't want the files to be unavailable while i figure out if i'm being censored, or if there's some kind of systems glitch.
i wasn't on noise trade very long before they got bought by paste, but i'm not a fan of paste, and don't particularly like the fact that they're hosting the files on amazon. so, it's not exactly my preferred hosting solution. the question is whether there's anything better out there or not.
i'm not going to whine and bitch and fight with the server mods, i'll just post somewhere else, and encourage people to follow me there. it's just that they haven't communicated with me in any way at all, so i don't actually know what's even going on.
for now, the files are here. enjoy.
and, buy something at bandcamp if you want to throw me some cash.
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1NI_sEi1t9NxTeOB9Es3A2Ge8ji4iTXit?usp=sharing
i wasn't on noise trade very long before they got bought by paste, but i'm not a fan of paste, and don't particularly like the fact that they're hosting the files on amazon. so, it's not exactly my preferred hosting solution. the question is whether there's anything better out there or not.
i'm not going to whine and bitch and fight with the server mods, i'll just post somewhere else, and encourage people to follow me there. it's just that they haven't communicated with me in any way at all, so i don't actually know what's even going on.
for now, the files are here. enjoy.
and, buy something at bandcamp if you want to throw me some cash.
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1NI_sEi1t9NxTeOB9Es3A2Ge8ji4iTXit?usp=sharing
i tried to create a new account, and it told me the account already existed.
so, i tried to reset my password and it let me do it but then still refused to let me log in.
so, i've sent an email to noise trade requesting clarification.
again: if there's an issue with the content of the blogs, whatever, i'll find somewhere else to post it. but, like, tell me that. don't just delete it....
for the short term, as i feel i'm being censored, i'm going to put all of the links up at a google drive account for free, temporarily. this is a tip-based service, anyways. the product is essentially free...
so, i tried to reset my password and it let me do it but then still refused to let me log in.
so, i've sent an email to noise trade requesting clarification.
again: if there's an issue with the content of the blogs, whatever, i'll find somewhere else to post it. but, like, tell me that. don't just delete it....
for the short term, as i feel i'm being censored, i'm going to put all of the links up at a google drive account for free, temporarily. this is a tip-based service, anyways. the product is essentially free...
Wednesday, June 3, 2020
i found 30 tablets at the furthest store in the exact opposite end of town.
it's a week's worth...
so, i'm going for a very long bike ride in the morning :)
it'll be good for me - some exercise. i'm overdue.
what's next, though? well, i've literally called every store in town. that was the last one in the list. so, what's next is that i'm going to need to keep calling around and see what i can find. i've at least ruled out a lot of places.
i guess i can start calling places that are a little further out. and, if i can find another week or two's worth somewhere, maybe i can get out to detroit near the end of the month.
it's a good excuse for a bike ride in the heat, and i'll take it for that alone.
it's a week's worth...
so, i'm going for a very long bike ride in the morning :)
it'll be good for me - some exercise. i'm overdue.
what's next, though? well, i've literally called every store in town. that was the last one in the list. so, what's next is that i'm going to need to keep calling around and see what i can find. i've at least ruled out a lot of places.
i guess i can start calling places that are a little further out. and, if i can find another week or two's worth somewhere, maybe i can get out to detroit near the end of the month.
it's a good excuse for a bike ride in the heat, and i'll take it for that alone.
oddly, the brand name estrogen has largely been removed from most online websites - they're only selling the generics. and, the few that are willing to sell the brand name are doing so at what seems like very high prices, but that might be more of a consequence of the low canadian dollar.
i wish i could just go over to detroit, but the border is closed until at least mid june.
i wish i could just go over to detroit, but the border is closed until at least mid june.
well, i contacted somebody at the company that resells this in canada, which is called acerus, and they explained that the supply issue is actually in europe. he doesn't think it's virus-related, because the issue precedes it. but he has no date of re-availability...
i don't know how seriously to take the response, but what he told me suggests that there's a relatively high demand for the product and he realizes that there's a lot of people looking for it. he's apparently getting a lot of calls about it.
there's some chance, i guess, that the company in europe is ultimately sourcing it from china, who of course had the virus earlier. the issue seems to have started around january or so, apparently. but, if that's the case, it's not clear. what's clear is that the supplier does not know when it's going to be available again.
what i want is to get around the hemi-hydrate, so i don't have to buy this specific brand of the drug, but it appears to be the only supplier in this province, so i might have to order it from out of province, or maybe from a different country, which i'm willing to do.
let's call some local pharmacies and see what's out there.
but, i'm ready to order.
i don't know how seriously to take the response, but what he told me suggests that there's a relatively high demand for the product and he realizes that there's a lot of people looking for it. he's apparently getting a lot of calls about it.
there's some chance, i guess, that the company in europe is ultimately sourcing it from china, who of course had the virus earlier. the issue seems to have started around january or so, apparently. but, if that's the case, it's not clear. what's clear is that the supplier does not know when it's going to be available again.
what i want is to get around the hemi-hydrate, so i don't have to buy this specific brand of the drug, but it appears to be the only supplier in this province, so i might have to order it from out of province, or maybe from a different country, which i'm willing to do.
let's call some local pharmacies and see what's out there.
but, i'm ready to order.
it's a known issue with a lot of drugs.
and, it makes you wonder why they even manufacture it at all. what's the point?
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2211383515001069
and, it makes you wonder why they even manufacture it at all. what's the point?
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2211383515001069
no. i'm weirded out about this. i'm taking the first pill and it's not dissolving, which is what the literature says - this formulation isn't water soluble. so, you can't absorb it through your digestive tract.....
but, i'm super sketchy about fucking with my existing estrone levels. like, i've been taking this every day for 11 years. what happens if i just stop? i don't want to know.
i'm going to double dose for today - i'm going to take it orally and sublingually. and, i'm going to call around and figure out what's going on.
i'm going to actually call the manufacturer directly, first, and see what they say..
but, i'm super sketchy about fucking with my existing estrone levels. like, i've been taking this every day for 11 years. what happens if i just stop? i don't want to know.
i'm going to double dose for today - i'm going to take it orally and sublingually. and, i'm going to call around and figure out what's going on.
i'm going to actually call the manufacturer directly, first, and see what they say..
so, i got the fax out.
i couldn't find any brand name 2 mg estrace yesterday, although i had to get to the appointment, as well. so, i got some generics. i'm about to try the first dose right now.
the issue with the generics is that it's bound to a different delivery agent that doesn't make it through your stomach acids, so you basically have to take it under your tongue or it's useless. sublingual administration results in higher spikes but lower plateaus. so, i might be a little bit moody for a while, until i get back on the brand name drugs.
i may notice a slight increase in feminization, but it will likely be at the expense of my mental health. i don't need or even want giant breasts; i have an athletic body type that is more slim and lean than curvy. i find curvy women to just look fat and gross; i'd rather look like a swimmer than a porn star. sorry.
but, this is what i have for at least the next week whether i like it or not, so i'm doing this experiment against my will (and definitely against my better judgement). i've got bloodwork papers for when i want to test, which i'll do before i switch back.
my estrogen levels were at 396 pmol/L when i tested on the 20th of may, which is about 110 pg/ml. the oral administration route plateaus, so this is all around a little bit low. based on what i'm feeling, i suspect that this is a little low because it's being counteracted by creeping testosterone levels, and it's the latter issue that i feel is a more pressing concern that i want to correct.
at the end of the day, i'd rather have zero testosterone and zero estrogen than ignore the creeping testosterone, or try to overpower it with estrogen. at this stage of my life, emasculation is actually more important to me than feminization - i want my testosterone annihilated more than i want my estrogen boosted.
but, we'll see where the sublingual experiment takes me. here i go...
in the mean time, i'm going to call around and see what i can find.
i couldn't find any brand name 2 mg estrace yesterday, although i had to get to the appointment, as well. so, i got some generics. i'm about to try the first dose right now.
the issue with the generics is that it's bound to a different delivery agent that doesn't make it through your stomach acids, so you basically have to take it under your tongue or it's useless. sublingual administration results in higher spikes but lower plateaus. so, i might be a little bit moody for a while, until i get back on the brand name drugs.
i may notice a slight increase in feminization, but it will likely be at the expense of my mental health. i don't need or even want giant breasts; i have an athletic body type that is more slim and lean than curvy. i find curvy women to just look fat and gross; i'd rather look like a swimmer than a porn star. sorry.
but, this is what i have for at least the next week whether i like it or not, so i'm doing this experiment against my will (and definitely against my better judgement). i've got bloodwork papers for when i want to test, which i'll do before i switch back.
my estrogen levels were at 396 pmol/L when i tested on the 20th of may, which is about 110 pg/ml. the oral administration route plateaus, so this is all around a little bit low. based on what i'm feeling, i suspect that this is a little low because it's being counteracted by creeping testosterone levels, and it's the latter issue that i feel is a more pressing concern that i want to correct.
at the end of the day, i'd rather have zero testosterone and zero estrogen than ignore the creeping testosterone, or try to overpower it with estrogen. at this stage of my life, emasculation is actually more important to me than feminization - i want my testosterone annihilated more than i want my estrogen boosted.
but, we'll see where the sublingual experiment takes me. here i go...
in the mean time, i'm going to call around and see what i can find.
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