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Wednesday, September 23, 2020

so, i found myself supremely disappointed sorting through cereal at the store today.

nothing had any a. nothing. well, except "vector", and a daily packet of astronaut food they were selling, which i'm wondering about. bizarrely, it seemed to have less sugar and less salt. if i dump one of those things in, i'm just basically fortifying the soy milk.

likewise, an array of salad dressings demonstrated no nutritional value at all.

i need to do more research...

but, i think i'm happy with switching to the flax bread, which is reasonably priced.

i'm past my bed time. more later.

and, we'll see whether the author of the budget thinks this is any time for austerity or not.

wait for it.

so, i just walked home from picking up some kiwis & bananas & soy milk, past the school around the corner, which was letting itself out at 15:00.

and, i asked myself - if we are in such dire need of child care options, why don't we just extend school to 17:00?

at the elementary school level, this might manifest itself best as an in-class homework session. but, you could surely add an extra block to the high school day without overburdening anybody.

with young kids, extending the school system into ece is long overdue. but, it's always baffled me why we need extra childcare to fill this gap in, when we could just close the gap.

Wednesday, August 5, 2020

if the other published numbers are right, then the magic number you want to look for in the united states before this starts to slow down on it's own is 200,000 deaths.

but, i'm still calling for 350,000 deaths there, minimum.

in canada, the magic number is about 25,000.

so, this is the irony - as they are (much) closer to the hump than we are, they could get through this faster than us.

look at new york, today. the rest of the country will be there in another six weeks. i see no end to this here, at all - we could be dragging our asses through this six months from now.

https://dsdfghghfsdflgkfgkja.blogspot.com/2020/08/if-other-published-numbers-are-right.html

i need to be clear - i'm not looking for the seeds. they're just fiber. so, these whole grain breads that throw hemp seeds in as decorations are totally useless.

i need it ground and actually used to make the bread.

yeah, the other thing about moving to flax seed in the bread is that i might be undoing the e. maybe. that was the point.

if i think about it carefully, i'm going to have to buy hemp seeds, grind them and dump them in a salad in order to get enough e, which may be less delicious than i want to imagine.

if i'm going to spend a little extra money on bread, why not get a hemp-flax-wheat mix? that would,

1) get me the vitamin e i need

2) get me a good 6:3 ratio.

3) actually get me some 6s while i'm at it.

that way, i could maybe actually avoid buying and crushing the seeds myself.

does it exist, though?

where else can i introduce flax, besides cereal?

well, this is a potential bread possibility:

that's dempster's flax seed, which is better than a dempster fire. i'd have to take a bit of a hit to the niacin, but it's otherwise comparable and consequently a potentially positive substitution. for the egg meal, substituting this for plain jane whole wheat would alter the 6:3 to the following:

(5.0641-.161+.5)/(0.9075-.07+.9) = 3.1:1

overall, the substitution would be to:

(8.2711-.161+.5)/(1.7241-.07+.9) = 3.37:1

so, that sounds like a good choice, too. i just need to balance the price. i'm getting mixed signals via a google search - some suggest it's about the same price as cheapy whole wheat, others put it in the fancy breads category.

i actually am running low on omega-6s it seems - and doing quite well with omega-3s.

so, i'm just going to briefly drop in some data on carrots.

i should be able to do some shopping tomorrow, which will give me a good idea of what kind of options really exist with the cereals, which are the likely next add, and at this point more for the bs than the a.

these bs are all water soluble (except 12, which is wonky. sort of. your body stores a bit of it...). so, what i want is 100% per meal, rather than 100% per day or 300% per day. well, maybe 75% per meal is enough - if i'm eating three times a day. that means i need to get them up across the board.

there's some b in cheese, i need to figure it out. but, these are what i'm going to need to look at for bs in each meal:

fruit bowl: cereal. groundcherries, maybe.

pasta bowl: dressing, crickets.

eggs: i need to figure out what kind of juice is best, and that will boost my c. a juice with both bs & c is best with the egg meal, it would seem. and, i may need a supplementary protein source, like salami.

d & e are fat soluble, and i'm going to aim to just get to 150%, somehow, which may be tough. i'm going to rely heavily on hemp seeds in the salad for the e, it would seem - but it's gamma, and i need to be getting enough alpha, too.

k is fat soluble as well. i want to keep the k as close to 100 as i can, so i want to avoid sources high in k.

and, that's it, really.

carrot data is from the self site, except biotin data for carrots which is from wh foods.

the 15% for a comes from the cheese company's website. i've otherwise pulled data from the self site, as well as here (particularly for biotin) : https://www.journalofdairyscience.org/article/S0022-0302(62)89506-X/pdf

the numbers are roughly consistent, so i've lowballed, as i am doing.

it is true that peppers dominate carrots on everything except beta-carotene, but the differences are largely marginal (the exceptions being b6, b9, c & e, where the red peppers clearly outperform). what if i ate 3x or 4x as many peppers, instead? well, that would clearly be superior, in every way - and get me past where i want to be with the bs. and, i may find myself doubling the reds, in the end. but, it would also be quite expensive. if i can get the bs up enough with the dressing, and the e up enough with seeds, relying on carrots for the extra a is more cost-effective. i should get everything in first. but, yeah - that's an option. 3.5x the reds would replace the carrots for beta-carotene 1:1, but even doubling the peppers would help dramatically with the b6, b7, b9 & e [& send the c into the stratosphere]. let me get everything else in first, to see what the most reasonable factor really is.

surprisingly, the relatively low omega-6:omega-3 ratio in cheese actually improved the overall ratio to less than 5:1. adding seeds to the pasta, and potentially the fruit, for vitamin e should balance that out even more.

can i find highly fortified flax cereal with no salt or sugar?

the next important thing would be minerals.

disclaimer:
i've gone to town with a few things - i'm not making up vitamins but rather filling things in. i mean, there's all these "missing vitamin names". what were they, exactly? it also gives me an excuse to work in a few things like choline that are hard to otherwise define as they are essential in some amount but not technically vitamins.

note that these numbers are scavenged and should be interpreted approximately. that's partly why i'm aiming to overshoot on most of it.

	fruit bowl					pasta salad bowl				fried eggs
	banana 28" 2136 g	strawberries 75 g	kiwi 2*75 g	soy milk 250 ml	cherry ice cream 200 ml	red pepper 3"x4" 175 g	durum wheat pasta 75 g	medium cheddar cheese 60 g	carrot 8" 72 g	fried eggs 2*70g	medium cheddar cheese 30 g	margarine 2 tbsp	whole wheat bread with germ (1 slice) (35 g)	sum
a	2*2=4	0	2*1=2	10	13	103	1	30	241	21	15	10	0	-
b1 thiamin	2*3=6	2	2*1=2	8	5	6	63	1	3	6	.5	0	7.5	-
b2 [aka g, j] riboflavin	2*6=12	1	2*1=2	25	10	8	31	13	2	42	6.5	0	3	-
b3 niacin	2*5=10	2	2*1=2	10	1	8	59	0	4	1	0	0	12.5	-
b4* adenine (mg)	2*1.63=3.26	~~0.375~~	2*0.3=0.6	19.3	0.9735	27.825	3	-	-	3.36	-	0	4.27	-
b5 pantothenic acid	2*5=10	2	2*1=2	15	5	5	6.5	2.5	2	21	1	0	4	-
b6 pyridoxine	2*25=50	2	2*2=4	6	1	24	5	2.5	5	12	1	0	3	-
b7 [aka h] biotin (rdi: 35 mcg)	2*10=20	~~2.5~~	?	30	1	16.5	1	3	12	65	1.5	13	9	-
b8* inositol (mg) (myo or lipid)	2*10=20	10	2*102=204	25	5	99.75	52.7	-	-	6.3	-	16	50	-
b9 [aka m, b11, r] folic acid	2*7=14	~~4.5~~	2*6=12	6	1	19	53	3	3	18	1.5	0	2.5	-
b10* pABA	~0	~0	~0	>0	~0	0	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
b12 [aka t] (cyano)cobalamin	0	0	0	50	20	0	0	8.5	0	33	4	0	0	-
b13* orotic acid (mg)	~0	~0	~0	~0	20	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
b14* taurine (mg)	~0	~0	~0	~0	2	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
b15* pangamic acid	~0	~0	~0	0?	~0	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
b16* choline	2*2=4	1	2*1=2	11	5	2	2	2	1	68	1	0	2	-
b20* [aka I] l-carnitine	~0	~0	~0	~0	5	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
c	2*20=40	74	2*117=234	4	0	350	0	0	7	0	0	0	0	-
d	0	0	0	45	0	0	0	2	0	12	1	30	0	-
e	2*1=2	~~1.5~~	2*10=20	0	2	13	1	1	2	9	.5	20	6	-
f1* linoleic acid omega-6 (g)	2*.0626=0.1252	~~.09~~	2*.187=0.374	1.5	.300	.0738	.405	.3462	.0828	3.23	.1731	1.5	.161	-
f2* alphalinoleic acid omega-3 (g)	2*.0367=.0734	~~.065~~	2*.0319=.0638	0.2	.200	.041	.018	.219	.0014	.228	.1095	.5	.07	-
k	2*1=2	1	2*38=78	5	0	10	1	1	12	9	.5	10	3	-
q1* coenzyme q10 (mg)	2*.136=.272	.~~075~~	2*.0375=.075	.625	.0308	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
q2* pyrroloquinoline quinone (mu-g)	2*1.768=3.536	?	2*2.025=4.05	.063	.2101	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
q3* queuine (mu-g)	?	?	?	?	?	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
s* salicylic acid (mg)	~0	~1	2*~0.375=~.075	~0	~0	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-

* not really.

- so nice vanilla soy milk
- chapman's black cherry ice cream

- irrestibles brand olive canola oil

- selection brand pasta [metro/food basics]

- selection brand bread [metro/food basics]

- black diamond brand medium cheddar cheese

fruit bowl, so far:

a - 26---->27---->29% (6% carotenoids, 23% retinol)

b1 - 18% ----->21%
b2- 43% ------->49%
b3 - 19%---->18---->23%
b5 - 28%----->27%----->32%
b6 - 36%------>61%
b7 - 43.5%----->41% ---->51% (+ 2x unknown kiwi amount)
b9 - 24.5%----->26------>33%
b12 - 70% (still)
choline - 20% ---->22%
c - 215% ----> 258 ----->278%
d - 45% (still)
e - 14.5% ----> 23---->24%
omega-6: 2.1396 g ----> 2.2366 g -------> 2.2992 g
omega-3: 0.5336 g -----> 0.5005 --------> 0.5372 g
ratio: 4:1 ---->4.5:1 ------> 4.26:1 <----- a bit better, even
k - 45% ----> 84------>85%

pasta salad bowl, so far:

a - 15%---->104%------>375% (30% retinol, 345% carotenoids)

b1 - 2------>66%---->73%

b2 - 1------->39%------>54%

b3 - 3-------->67%-------->71%

b5 - 1------->11.5%-------->16%

b6 - 4------->29%--------->36.5%

b7 - 10------->17.5%------>32.5%

b9 - 3------->72%---->78%

b12 - 0 ------->8.5%

choline - 1------->4%---->7%

c - 19-------->350%---->357%

d - 0 (still)---->2

e - 2--------->14%------->17%

omega-6: 0.4788----->0.9078 g

omega-3: 0.059 g------->0.2794 g

ratio: 3.25:1 <------not bad at all. note that the cheese, which has a surprisingly low ratio of 1.58:1, dominates this dish. seeds may undo the need for a flax dressing. b vitamins may be more pressing.

k - 9----->11-------->24%

fried eggs, so far:

a - 21----->26%--->31%----->46% (46% retinol)
b1 - 6---->69%----->13.5%---->14%
b2- 42--->73%----->45%------->51.5%
b3 - 1--->60%---->13.5% (still)
b5 - 21%------>25%---->26%
b6 - 12% -------->15%---->16%
b7 - 65% ------>87%---->88.5%
b9 - 18--->71%---->20.5%---->22
b12 - 33% -----> 37%
choline - 68%---->70% ---->71%
c - 0% (still) (but add juice)
d - 12----->27% ----> 42%---->43%
e - 9---->19%---->35.5%
omega-6: 3.8 g----->4.891 g------>5.0641 g

omega-3: 0.228 g ----->0.798-------->0.9075
ratio: 5.58:1 <------- the margarine & cheese actually balances the eggs fairly well. good. a smart choice for protein supplement can fix that up even more. this is my fattiest meal, so it's the one that needs the most attention.
k - 9---->22----->22.5%

total, so far:

(vit - fruit + pasta salad + eggs)

a - 29 + 375 + 46 = 450% (351% carotenoids, 99% retinol)

b1 - 21 + 73 + 14 = 108%
b2- 49 + 54 + 51.5 = 154.5%
b3 - 23 + 71 + 13.5 = 107.5%
b5 - 32 + 16 + 26 = 74%
b6 - 61 + 36.5 + 16 = 113.5%

b7 - 51 + 32.5 + 88.5 = 172% + kiwi

b9 - 33 + 78 + 22 = 133 %

b12 - 70 + 8.5 + 37 = 115.5%

choline - 22 + 7 + 71 = 100%

c - 278 + 357 + 0 = 635%
d - 45 + 2 + 43% = 90%
e - 24 + 17 + 35.5 = 76.5%
omega-6: 2.2992 + 0.9078 + 5.0641 = 8.2711 g [rdi is 17g ]

omega-3: 0.5372 + 0.2794 + 0.9075 = 1.7241 g [rdi is 1.6 g]

ratio: 4.797:1 <------- not terrible, but i'll improve on it. i want this at 3:1 or 2:1, max.
k - 85 + 24 + 22.5 = 131.5%

(<100%, (100,199)% , (200, 400)% or 400%+ & secondary requirements not met, >400% & secondary requirements met)

secondary requirements

fat soluble:

- 100% of pre-formed + 300% of convertible, total daily

- vitamin c needs 100% each meal, minimum

- vitamin k should not exceed 100%/meal

water soluble:

- 400% total + 100% for each meal

+75<<100% each meal

+50<<75% each meal

<50% each meal

==========

daily:

1) fruit bowl:
- 2 bananas (8")
- 2 kiwis (75 g)
- 200 ml ice cream

- 250 ml soy milk [but double it?]
+

~~- strawberries~~ [but, looking for a fruit replacement]
- blueberries
- raspberries

- cereal (for retinol)
- red cherries <------------- a

- ground cherries <------- a, b1, b3

- rosehips (if locatable) <------------ a, b2, b3, b5, e

- goji berries (if locatable) <------------ a, b1, b2

2) pasta salad bowl:

- 75 g cooked pasta
- one medium to large red pepper

- one large chopped carrot

- 60 g chopped medium cheddar cheese [12 slices]

- caesar dressing [need to shop for best option, mine is soy-based and has unclear value]

- glass of pasta water

~~- tomatoes~~

- bacon bits

- chopped crickets?
- microwaved/chopped broccoli (maybe)
- hemp seeds (ground) (probably)
- flax seeds (ground!) (probably)
- kalamata olives (probably)
- lemon (probably)
- garlic cloves (probably)
- oregano & pepper (probably)
- broccoli leaves or kale or dandelion leaves? (probably not)
- red clover (if locatable or foragable)
- alfafa?

3) eggs:
- 2 jumbo fried eggs
- 1 slice of whole wheat bread (including the germ!)
- 2 tbsp olive oil margarine

- 30 g sliced medium cheddar cheese [6 slices]

- salami?

- crickets?
- indoor grown tuna or salmon?
- + apple juice? carrot juice?

4) coffee
~ 600 ml [1/2 pot] [strong] [low-ball]

- with chocolate soy

weekly:

1) banana peel smoothie:
- 14 banana peels

- red pepper seeds from 7 peppers [soak? pre-grind? figure this out.]

- chocolate soy

- cherry ice cream

~~- strawberry tops~~

==========

the list of everything i need to get.

added are green

13 vitamins:
1) A
2) B1 (thiamine)
3) B2 (riboflavin)
4) B3 (niacin)
5) B5 (pantothenic acid)
6) B6 (pyridoxine)
7) B7 (biotin)

8) B9 (folic acid)
9) B12 (cyano-cobolamin)
10) C
11) D
12) E
13) K

15 amino acids:
1) histidine
2) isoleucine
3) leucine
4) lysine
5) methionine
6) phenylalanine
7) threonine
8) tryptophan
9) valine
10) arginine
11) cysteine
12) glycine
13) glutamine
14) proline
15) tyrosine
+ measure 6 non-essential

4 fatty acids:
1) linoleic acid
2) ala
3) dha
4) epa

23 minerals:
1) calcium
2) phosphorus
3) potassium
4) sulfur
5) sodium
6) chlorine
7) magnesium
8) iron
9) zinc
10) copper
11) manganese
12) iodine
13) selenium
14) molybdenum
15) chromium
16) fluoride
17) bromine
18) cobalt
19) tin
20) vanadium
21) silicon
22) boron
23) nickel
24) lead?

carotenoids (not including pro-vitamin a)
1) lutein
2) zeaxanthin
3) lycopene
4) phytofluene
5) phytoene
6) astaxanthin
7) capsanthin
8) canthaxanthin
9) cryptoxanthin

chlorophyll:
1) chlorophyll a
2) chlorophyll b

other molecules required for proper metabolic functions:
1) choline (cannot synthesize properly)
2) coQ10
3) lipoic acid
4) glutathione precursors
5) ergothioneine (cannot synthesize) <-----mushrooms
6) pyrroloquinoline quinone (PQQ) (cannot synthesize) <-----kiwis
7) queuine (cannot synthesize) <-----cheese
8) taurine (cannot synthesize properly) <----cheese

9) betaine (more than a choline precursor?)

glucose:
i'm more concerned about diabetes than weight gain, so...
the glycemic index is:
running total...

fiber:
i don't need many different types, i just need some. i'm not worrying about this.

& water

also, let's measure flavonoids:

anthocyanidins:
1) pelargonidin
2) delphinidin
3) cyanidin
4) malvinidin
5) peonidin
6) petunidin
7) rosinidin

flavonols:
1) isorhamnetin
2) kaempferol
3) myricetin
4) quercetin
5) fisetin
6) kaempferide

flavones:
1) luteolin
2) apigenin
3) techtochrysin
4) baicalein (to avoid!)
5) norwogonin
6) wogonin
7) nobiletin

flavanones:
1) eriodictyol
2) hesperetin
3) naringenin
4) hesperidin
5) isosakuranetin
6) pinocembrin
7) sterubin

isoflavones:
1) daidzein
2) genistein
3) glycitein
4) biochanin A
5) formononetin

i should try to measure some further phytoestrogens:
1) matairesinol
2) secoisolariciresinol
3) pinoresinol
4) lariciresinol

5) coumestrol

& finally, let's also measure:
1) saponins
2) ursolic acid (& precursors)
3) cafestol
4) resveratrol
5) ellagic acid
6) coumarin
7) tyrosol
8) hydroxytyrosol
9) oleocanthal
10) oleuropein
11) gingerol
12) phytic acid

i apologize for the crude presentation. i'm on a fucking chrome book :\.

but, you get the point.

so what do i think of this picture?

i think that liberals have a thing for infinite growth - they just can't grasp that it's not sustainable.

you should recognize that the graph is an idea, and try to mentally map it to a map with the same shape that has been scaled down quite substantially.

we're about three months behind the yankees and have about a tenth of the population. however, the density is a lot different, and we shouldn't think it's as easy as predicting a peak of 7600 cases on oct 17th. more likely is a peak of 5-6,000 cases around samhain.

but, then it's going to start coming down. slowly....

so, the graph looks like a graph you'd expect from a liberal - it goes up, way up, and never comes down...

for the first time, i'm going to roughly agree with it - except to point out that it implies there's no end. and, of course, there is....

Tuesday, September 22, 2020

i didn't get much done today, but i got some sleep. let's hope i can get something done by the morning. i have an appointment with my actual doctor tomorrow, and i'm hoping he gives me the oversupply i want.

as mentioned, i don't think i suffer from depression. like, at all. and, i was the happiest i've ever been when i got back on hormones - i finally felt alive, like i could be myself. but, i'm overwhelmingly depressed right now, in a way i've never really felt before. and, i need to find a way to permanently eliminate my ability to produce testosterone (which is the cause of the depression) in order to undo it.

i'm not just tired. i'm cloudy - experiencing a sort of brain fog. i smell terribly, and i'm too depressed to care. i feel and look disgusting, and i'm disgusted with myself for being this way.

i've now received four firm nos, and i cannot reach the other four doctors. i cannot travel until the end of the pandemic, and will no doubt face extremely long waits to get access to a surgeon, anyways. and, i can't cross the border, even.

i need to resign myself to months or years on the kind of doses of testosterone suppression that are usually reserved for cancer patients. and, if i can't get access to it, i'm going to detransition - and have to deal with the effects of this horrible chemical ravaging my body and my mind, and turning me into an idiot.

i just woke up from a dream where i had a woman that i don't recognize - a girl, really. she looked about 19. - try everything she could could to have sex with me, and i just ignored her. like, the dream was about avoiding sex. if it expressed some deep, inner desire, that's what that deep, inner desire is - an absolute disinterest in sex with women, at the least. and, it mirrors my life experiences. i can't count the number of times i've had women aggressively seek out sex with me, only to find myself utterly revolted by the premise of it. the one woman i gave into, all those years ago, under pleas that i experiment, was such a counter-example to the norm. there's basically no possibility i'll repeat that mistake.

i haven't had a dream like that in something like 10 years.

but, these are the changes that my body chemistry is undergoing against my will, and that i seem to have no recourse to stop.

i've taken to breathing exercises to ignore it. i don't know what else to do.

the amount of this drug that i want to take is clinically safe, and there's not a good reason i can't get a sufficient supply of it other than the arbitrary dosage requirements set out in the literature, which are clearly not working. i can only hope i get a nice surprise tomorrow....

the claim is that this is being done to save the lives of the elderly.

but, what is truly being done is that the lives of the young are being sacrificed at the altar of the holy gerontocracy.

and, civilized cultures left literal human sacrifice behind in the iron age.

this is barbarism, and it needs to stop.

i'm less concerned about the money, though.

you stole my summer from me - the last one before i turn 40. you've erased six months from my life. that's six months i can never get back - gone.

how much more of my life will be stolen from me to stupidly fight a battle that can't be won?

i don't generally go for rhetoric about fiscal mismanagement. really. i don't usually care.

but, 350 billion dollars flushed down the drain to accomplish nothing at all is a pretty big fuck up. even the least fiscally conservative people on the planet, of which i am, should see that.

clearly.

hey, this horribly stupid mistake only cost 350 billion dollars.

no biggie.

canada should be the laughing stock of the world right now.

eh?

oh, and btw, get ready for crushing austerity.

that's tomorrow, right?

again: people are going to call this a second wave.

they're going to claim we reopened too quickly and should have dragged it on.

and, then they'll complain the deficit is too high, not enough is being spent on social services and their taxes are too high, too.

also, it's fucking cold out.

but, all that the lockdown really did was put the pandemic on hold, and all that's happening right now is it resuming where it was, back in may. sure - they could have clamped down for another six months, and then had the same thing happen when they let go. and, sure, we can clamp down again, only to have the same thing happen when we let go, again.

this is the brilliance in the foresight of the swedish model, which aimed for a sustainable strategy that could be held to, in order to avoid exactly what we're seeing in canada, right now.

if we had listened to the science, right? alas, we did not - we gave in to magical thinking, and listened to the theologians, instead.

so, we can clamp down again. and again. and again. but, will we ever learn?

or, will we run around on a hamster wheel, perpetually, in a quixotic fight against the common cold?

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/covid-19-coronavirus-ontario-september-22-fall-plan-1.5733733

hi.

somebody attempted to reach me from your number yesterday and did not leave a number. some clarification is requested.

i have attempted to reach many urologists in windsor and have been told by four of them that they will not perform a voluntary orchiectomy. i have not been able to reach the first two or the last, and i am not sure if dr s is even practicing as he was cited for malpractice.

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on top of the problems with accessing voluntary surgery right now (as trivial as this one is....can you even really call it a surgery?), the buses are all on indefinite hiatus. so, i cannot travel outside of the immediate region, anyways.

i find the situation frustrating, to say the least, and i don't have much respect for anybody that would deny somebody medical treatment based on a religious belief in the middle of a pandemic, but i don't have the time or interest to drag them through court, even if i think i would be correct to do so.

what is clear at this point is that surgery is not a likely option for, potentially, years. so, i am going to need to find a way to double or even triple the medication, and plan to be on the higher level of suppression for the indefinite future. this may come with unintended health consequences; i can only tell these doctors that my blood is on their hands, should some complication arise.

i received your referral for the endocrinologist in the mail and appreciate that.

in the mean time, my emergency rx runs out on the 29th of september and i need to find a way to get some t-blockers at that point. i guess i have a bottle of spiro, but, given that it's not nearly effective, i'd want to come in at twice the prescribed dosage - and i expect that will harm my kidneys, and potentially damage my heart. but, if i can't get access to cyproterone, what else can i do?

i have been back on normal dosage since the beginning of september, and while i have been forced to ignore some unwanted erections until they go away, and have been dealing with some violent thoughts and angry mood swings, i am slowly adjusting, even though i don't want to.

the problem is that, because i doubled up from the beginning of june until the end of august, i have exhausted my odb billing. the only way around it is an rx for an increased dosage. or, i will need to pay out of pocket and eat at a food bank, which means some starving, homeless person will get less food because i have to eat it instead. this is stupid....

if you send an rx for one month at twice the amount, i can carry forward with the regular dosage until i can see the endocrinologist and ask him to double or triple it.

i'm very unhappy about the situation. i don't generally suffer from depression, but i have been suffering from extreme bouts of it, over the last three weeks. i've barely been able to stay awake, or get up, and i'm too embarrassed about what's happening to me to go outside and face the world. i don't want to end up back in the hospital. i'm trying to reach out...

jessica

if the choice is between australia and sweden, i'll pick sweden, thanks.

yeah, it worked....for a while.

if you want that to continue to work, it has to become normal. and, then we've become iran.

no thanks.

https://globalnews.ca/news/7347955/australia-coronavirus-lockdown-canada/

a more pressing question, in my mind, is why brown workers keep voting for management.

a proper union movement would want to wake them up and convince them to stop doing that.

when these workers argue that the democrats don't represent their interests, they're not confused. they don't lack information. they're not misinformed.

rather, they're absolutely right - the democrats are the party of the middle class, and they don't care about workers at all. they care about hedge fund managers. they care about stock options, trust funds...

they care about maximizing profit for the bosses - at the expense of the working class. there's a class conflict at play, and the workers are correct to recognize it.

trump is what he is, and the republicans are hardly any sort of answer, even if nafta 2.0 is a modest improvement, if it doesn't get ignored.

but, arguing that the democrats are going to help these people is demagoguery, and they know it. it's not fooling anybody, and we should all be more honest about it.

the only way these people are going to get reenfranchised is if they start a new party that represents the interests of workers, in opposition to the democrats, which are the party of the middle class.

the article accidentally demonstrates what the actual problem is, which is not this stupid old neo-liberal strawman about workers voting against immigrants but, rather, that the democrats represent union management, which exists in a synergy with capital, against the interests of the workers.

so, yeah - all of the union bosses are democrats. exactly.

the reality is that all that these people have ever seen by voting democrat is lost opportunities, lower wages, job losses and lower living standards. it's not hard to understand why they won't vote for them.

if the labour movement - the actual labour movement - wants to rekindle itself, it has to start by distancing itself from management, and that is going to mean erecting a third party for these workers to connect with that doesn't have the history of the democratic party - or the history of joe biden.

that said...

polling is actually fairly clear that biden is doing substantively better with older white voters in the rust belt than clinton did, and there's not really any logic to it - they just like him better, for whatever specious reason. it's what is driving his polling bumps in wisconsin & michigan, even if it's not panning out in ohio or pennsylvania. biden will need that bump to hold if he wants to win.

but, it won't help to go after trump with this demographic - not after what nafta did to the region. a sober analysis pits two great evils against each other, of unclear ordering, and i don't begrudge them for picking one over the other. they need a labour party, not constant appeals to vote for the party of management.

https://www.politico.com/news/2020/09/22/donald-trump-union-support-snub-joe-biden-418329

voters need to hold the ndp accountable for this list of broken promises, and i hope they do.

https://thenarwhal.ca/bc-election-ndp-environmental-promises/

this is a fairly ominous sign, for the ndp.

they broke a lot of promises. but, what does this mass resignation signal? that these mlas are cynical about politics, or that the election call is going to backfire? or both?

remember: in bc, the liberals are the conservatives, the ndp are the liberals and the greens are the ndp. this is a quirk that arose out of the social credit dynasty, and the inability of the bc conservatives to gain political traction.

so, are all of these cabinet ministers feeling pressure on their left for broken promises? these are long-time ndp seats, not seats you'd expect to be in play.

it's looking like a disaster.

https://vancouversun.com/news/sixth-b-c-ndp-cabinet-minister-calls-it-quits-as-election-looms/wcm/2b64dae3-7c52-4600-9b6e-93a7588bf776/

ok, so i fixed a few things, and this is my new template.

i need to get some cheese info in there. but, now i'm at the point of pondering what and how i should supplement further, and the first vitamin in the list is vitamin a.

i know that vitamin a comes in two forms, and i know that conversion is often poor. i think i was previously overestimating the amount i was getting from a combination of tomatoes/soy/cheese/eggs, and i was told that vitamin a deficiency can't happen here and believed it, but after actually calculating the values, which i should have done years ago, i think i need to pay special attention to this.

this is worth sorting through to summarize the situation:

https://renaissancehumans.com/beta-carotene-vitamin-can-get-enough-vegan/

so, i'm getting about 54% of my vitamin a from actual retinol (soy, ice cream, eggs, margarine), not including cheese. the other 110% is from carotenoids found in fruit (you'll notice there's not yet any vegetables in my diet, and i need to change that). is that a good enough mix? well, for a, i'd like to shoot for 400% total, with 100% in the retinol and 300% in the carotenoids. that should eliminate any potential error, and make sure i'm converting as much as possible. a single carrot is an extra 250%, entirely via carotenoids, and with minimal k, so i think that solves that without even wading into the problems presented by broccoli. but, what about actual retinol?

given that i'm trying to avoid fish due to the mercury content, my only serious choice for vitamin a is via fortification or via dairy products, and i only really get dairy in the form of ice cream (which i think i'm maxed out on) and cheese (which is what i'm looking at next). i don't want to eat animal organs, 'cause gross.

so, next time somebody gives you shit about eating cheese, you might want to point to the retinol. unless they're eating a fair amount of liver or fish, or paying very close attention to how the grains they eat are fortified, or drink a lot of fortified whole milk, or eat eggs every day, or eat lots of fattening peanut butter, cheese is really the only serious way to get any. and, i'll pick cheese over the others...

how many of the options in this list sound appetizing to you?

https://nutritiondata.self.com/foods-000099000000000000000-w.html

on that note, the other thing i can do is buy a box of cereal and throw it in with the fruit. something like a cup of plain jane special k or corn flakes is not bad on fat, and will help with b complexes, too. it's cheap, as well. i just need to find the brand that has what i want, which is - lots of vitamins, minimal sugar, minimal salt & minimal price. and, i'll bring it home on the unicorn i parked in the lot.

so, that means i should be looking at cheddar-type cheeses, as they have more retinol than mozza type cheeses. i'm not sure there's any reason to migrate from the marble, but i'll see if i can get a better answer on that, too.

...which was actually pretty easy, i just went to the site:

https://blackdiamond.ca/our-cheeses/natural-cheese-bars/

my marble has 10%/30g, which is about on par with the cheddar numbers at the self site (maybe a little higher). the black diamond mozza is at 8%, which is consistent. but, if i'm eating cheese for a, i can actually max that out by moving to one of the flavours with 15%, which are:

~~- old cheddar (regular, lactose-free or white)~~ [240 mg of salt]

- mild cheddar [180 mg of salt]

- medium [old or white] [180 mg of salt]

for reference, the marble has 200 mg of salt and is marketed as medium. that seems like what i should do...

so, i'm not adding anything in this post besides the top line of vitamin a, i'm just reposting the template. but, to get me to where i want to be with a, my options are:

- carrots (250% more carotenoids presents resolution for >300% carotenoids dv)

- cheese (~45% more retinol) (99%)

---------------------------------

- low sugar, low salt fortified cereal (20-30% more retinol) (presents resolution for >100% retinol dv) (if i can find it)

- doubling soy milk? (10% more retinol) (gravy)

it would be even better if they put vitamin a in the pasta & bread.

i need to do some court stuff today...

	fruit bowl					pasta salad bowl				fried eggs
	banana 28" 2136 g	strawberries 75 g	kiwi 2*75 g	soy milk 250 ml	cherry ice cream 200 ml	red pepper 3"x4" 175 g	durum wheat pasta 75 g	medium cheddar cheese 60 g	carrot 8" 72 g	fried eggs 2*70g	medium cheddar cheese 30 g	margarine 2 tbsp	whole wheat bread with germ (1 slice) (35 g)	sum
a	2*2=4	0	2*1=2	10	13	103	1	30	240	21	15	10	0	-
b1 thiamin	2*3=6	2	2*1=2	8	5	6	63	-	-	6	-	0	7.5	-
b2 [aka g, j] riboflavin	2*6=12	1	2*1=2	25	10	8	31	-	-	42	-	0	3	-
b3 niacin	2*5=10	2	2*1=2	10	1	8	59	-	-	1	-	0	12.5	-
b4* adenine (mg)	2*1.63=3.26	~~0.375~~	2*0.3=0.6	19.3	0.9735	27.825	3	-	-	3.36	-	0	4.27	-
b5 pantothenic acid	2*5=10	2	2*1=2	15	5	5	6.5	-	-	21	-	0	4	-
b6 pyridoxine	2*25=50	2	2*2=4	6	1	24	5	-	-	12	-	0	3	-
b7 [aka h] biotin (rdi: 35 mcg)	2*10=20	~~2.5~~	?	30	1	16.5	1	-	-	65	-	13	9	-
b8* inositol (mg) (myo or lipid)	2*10=20	10	2*102=204	25	5	99.75	52.7	-	-	6.3	-	16	50	-
b9 [aka m, b11, r] folic acid	2*7=14	~~4.5~~	2*6=12	6	1	19	53	-	-	18	-	0	2.5	-
b10* pABA	~0	~0	~0	>0	~0	0	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
b12 [aka t] (cyano)cobalamin	0	0	0	50	20	0	0	-	-	33	-	0	0	-
b13* orotic acid (mg)	~0	~0	~0	~0	20	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
b14* taurine (mg)	~0	~0	~0	~0	2	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
b15* pangamic acid	~0	~0	~0	0?	~0	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
b16* choline	2*2=4	1	2*1=2	11	5	2	2	-	-	68	-	0	2	-
b20* [aka I] l-carnitine	~0	~0	~0	~0	5	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
c	2*20=40	74	2*117=234	4	0	350	0	-	-	0	-	0	0	-
d	0	0	0	45	0	0	0	-	-	12	-	30	0	-
e	2*1=2	~~1.5~~	2*10=20	0	2	13	1	-	-	9	-	20	6	-
f1* linoleic acid omega-6 (g)	2*.0626=0.1252	~~.09~~	2*.187=0.374	1.5	.300	.0738	.405	-	-	3.23	-	1.5	.161	-
f2* alphalinoleic acid omega-3 (g)	2*.0367=.0734	~~.065~~	2*.0319=.0638	0.2	.200	.041	.018	-	-	.228	-	.5	.07	-
k	2*1=2	1	2*38=78	5	0	10	1	-	-	9	-	10	3	-
q1* coenzyme q10 (mg)	2*.136=.272	.~~075~~	2*.0375=.075	.625	.0308	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
q2* pyrroloquinoline quinone (mu-g)	2*1.768=3.536	?	2*2.025=4.05	.063	.2101	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
q3* queuine (mu-g)	?	?	?	?	?	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
s* salicylic acid (mg)	~0	~1	2*~0.375=~.075	~0	~0	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-

* not really.

- so nice vanilla soy milk
- chapman's black cherry ice cream

- irrestibles brand olive canola oil

- selection brand pasta [metro/food basics]

- selection brand bread [metro/food basics]

- black diamond brand medium cheddar cheese

fruit bowl, so far:

a - 26---->27---->29% (6% carotenoids, 23% retinol)

fried eggs, so far:

a - 21----->26%--->31%----->46% (46% retinol)
b1 - 6---->69%----->13.5%
b2- 42--->73%----->45%
b3 - 1--->60%---->13.5%
b5 - 21%------>25%
b6 - 12% -------->15%
b7 - 65% ------>87%
b9 - 18--->71%---->20.5%
b12 - 33% (still)
choline - 68%---->70%
c - 0% (still) (but add juice)
d - 12----->27% ----> 42%
e - 9---->19%---->35%
omega-6: 3.8 g----->4.891 g
omega-3: 0.228 g ----->0.798
ratio: 6.13:1 <------- the margarine actually balances the eggs fairly well. good. a smart choice for protein supplement can fix that up even more. this is my fattiest meal, so it's the one that needs the most attention.
k - 9---->22

pasta salad bowl, so far:

a - 15%---->104%------>374% (30% retinol, 344% carotenoids)

b1 - 2------>66%

b2 - 1------->39%

b3 - 3-------->67%

b5 - 1------->11.5%

b6 - 4------->29%

b7 - 10------->17.5%

b9 - 3------->72%

b12 - 0 (still)

choline - 1------->4%

c - 19-------->350%

d - 0 (still)

e - 2--------->14%

omega-6: 0.4788

omega-3: 0.059 g

ratio: 8.12:1 <------but, only 500 mg, total. i will improve this with seeds and a smart dressing choice.

k - 9----->11

total, so far:

a - 29 + 46 + 374 = 449% (350% carotenoids, 99% retinol)

b1 - 21 + 13.5 + 66 = 100.5%
b2- 49 + 39 + 45 = 133%
b3 - 23 + 67 + 13.5 = 103.5%
b5 - 32 + 11.5 + 25 = 68.5%
b6 - 61 + 29 + 15 = 105%
b7 - 51 + 17.5 + 87 = 155.5% + kiwi
b9 - 33 + 20.5 + 72 = 125.5 %
b12 - 70 + 33 + 0 = 103%
choline - 22 + 70 + 4= 96%
c - 278 + 0 + 350 = 628%
d - 45 + 42 + 0 = 87%
e - 24 + 35 + 14 = 73%
omega-6: 2.2992 + .4788 + 4.891 = 7.669 g

omega-3: 0.5372 + 0.059 + .798 = 1.3942 g

ratio: 5.5:1 <------- not terrible, but i'll improve on it. i want this at 3:1 or 2:1, max.
k - 85 + 11 + 22 = 118%

(<100, <200, <400, >400) <------ not equally desirable for all nutrients