listen: regardless of whatever lies other people are saying about me, the fact is that i had quit smoking (except at concerts) for nearly two years before i relapsed over the move, and the only real purpose of the relapse was as a massive stimulant for those couple of weeks, as i needed it. as i've stated repeatedly: i'll always pick nicotine over cocaine when i need the pick up. this was extended by the fact that i couldn't get on the internet for a month and had to walk around outside every day, and then again by my yearly christmas ritual, which was a little longer than normal this year - but needed, given everything that was happening.

i had no intention of starting smoking again. and, the routine had already been broken, so it really wasn't that hard to stop. by the end of the ritual, i was finding myself trying to figure out how to avoid nicotine altogether over the next ritual. i found myself forcing myself to smoke, and then skipping smokes for days altogether. even if i buy another pack next ritual, i could very well not smoke any of it directly...

i haven't smoked anything in well over a month, and i haven't had any difficulty with it, either.

i said something around this time last year about how i wanted to go to zero smoking at concerts as a last step, and concluded a few months later that this was infeasible until legalization happens on both sides of the border. this is probably still true. but, if my concert schedule stays minimal, it's going to mean my habits will, too.

there is absolutely no reason at all to expect me to relapse again any time soon.