ok.

maybe it was foundation. when i got home on friday morning, i didn't shower until after i'd slept. so, that is a possibility.

it doesn't explain the splotch on the bed sheet, though. hrmmn...

mattress is fine.

it's not bed bug shit....

are these possibly bed bug stains?

well, i haven't seen any. there's no bites.

the ones on the sheets were not bed bug stains. the ones on the pillow? it's not that much of a stretch.

but, there's no other signs of them around.

i've seen spiders in here, a few centipedes, a couple of crickets, a large amount of ants (not in a while) and a handful of sow bugs. there was that one maple bug when i first came in. that's it. it's actually been refreshingly bug free down here; that's an upside to living down here, after the last few spots, which were infested with roaches and termites.

i'm going to flip over the mattress to be sure.

this is my intended projection of myself.

the way that i want you to see me is as somebody that is physically incapable of having sex in a male gender role - because i'm entirely emotionally disinterested in it, and i'll never do it, and i want you to know that.

is that enough psychobabble for you?

i am almost completely impotent, and i want you to know it, and i'm proud of it and i'm happy to tell you about it.

well, think about it.

how much time does the average human waste thinking about sex?

a lot. too much...

i'd rather spend that time doing something more productive,

like ranting on the internet. and working on my art projects.

sex and masturbation are both just a pointless waste of time. i'm ecstatic that i don't have to think about them very often - and would be happier if i never thought about them at all!

so, i know these stains are not me. but, that doesn't prove they're somebody else; i know i don't have a good legal argument. but, these cameras are becoming necessary, asap.

i want to be castrated.

i want to be impotent.

i take high potency anti-androgens that are designed to prevent me from having penile function. 

twice a day. every day. on purpose.

it just doesn't work; i'm castrated, i'm impotent.

again: i'm not able to ejaculate, and i'm barely able to maintain an erection - it's a few seconds, at most, generally.

if i try really hard i can sometimes orgasm, but it's usually rather difficult, and i'm actually of the mindset that i'd prefer emancipation from sexuality. i don't have sex, and i don't masturbate very often, and it's all very much fully voluntary. it's like once a month, tops. really. i don't really like it...

i mean, just about the only thing that's going to get me off is imagining being penetrated. it's just not very satisfying, given the reality. so, i'd generally prefer to just avoid it.

i don't see any point in going to the cops because i can't prove anything. i mean, i guess i could ask for a dna sample. but, i know they're going to insist i did it myself - despite my insistence of the impossibility of it.

i'd have to get some camera footage before i could reasonably file charges....

i don't see any other obvious signs of entry, yet.

i left the house around 4:00 today, arrived at the superior court around 4:30, walked to the leddy library, printed some documents, missed the 6:00 closing time at the shoppers at campbell (got there for 6:15-sh), walked to the tecumseh shoppers, mailed the motion to toronto and got home for around 7:30-ish.

i have some receipts, and a lot of witnesses.

i'm not going to take pictures. it's already in the wash.

there were two stains on the actual sheet. one of them actually looked like dried toothpaste, oddly enough, whereas the other one looked more like a sex stain.

more disgusting to me were the three stains on my pillow that soaked through the casing and actually looked more like blood.

i have no idea. i just think it's important to document something.

i was one of the few people that predicted a sanders upset in michigan in 2016. i derived it by looking carefully at the polling, concluding there was about a ten point bias baked into it and working it out to sanders' favour.

but, the polls had clinton around 55, and sanders around 45. and, his win was not massive - it was a close outcome. sanders technically won, but they split.

the recent polling has sanders lagging well behind and biden jumping up way ahead. even if you work in that bias, which i cannot establish as this is the first two-person race, but even if you assume it's still there, a correction ends in a loss.

it may be a little closer than some of the polls are suggesting. but, it does look like biden is going to carry the state.

what i'm curious about is what some of the margins are. what is the margin with blacks, for example? in 2016, clinton did win blacks in michigan, but it was also the last northern state she blew him out with them. bernie got a big bounce with northern blacks from his michigan win; illinois and missouri were the next week, and were a toss-up. he tended to poll well with blacks in michigan, after that. despite the narrative, biden has actually underperformed with blacks this primary. does that continue? if so, i don't think this ends up too lopsided, but we'll see.

but, if he loses rural whites, which he probably will, what is the damage? is this going to be a 20 point swing from 2016? 25? 30? that's the number to keep an eye on....

i don't really care about the other states; i expect this to be over when we get michigan results.

you should not generally put any depraved behaviour past the cops.

these are people that volunteer to walk around with guns and tell people what to do. you have to be fucked in the head.

are the cops even trying to set me up with something?

well, it's very weird. i'm pretty sure there's a cop upstairs, and i come home to unexplained stains on my sheet.

like, are they fucking down here? are they getting off on it?

what the fuck?

i'm kind of grossed out by it.

that's about it, really.

again: i go out to mail something, and when i come in there's weird stains on my bed that i don't understand. this has happened a few times, now.

i am not capable of producing semen; i didn't sleep through something, and wake up and forget. 

it's very disconcerting.

but, i guess i'm washing my sheets tonight.

i'm going to have to set up a camera in here. but, like....did he want me to find it or like...i don't get it...

is it an intimidation tactic? what's the point?

i took a read through this bill, and it's kind of odd.

i initially interpreted it as some kind of weird omnibus bill and was wondering why there's a section of the law that allows the judge to seize material that is "obscene". that's rather overly broad. that would get struck down...

....but i looked into it more and realized that that's already the law, and what the bill does is add the line about conversion therapy. that means that ads for conversion therapy will be treated like child pornography or ads for escorts in canada, moving forward - odd considering that there was just a ruling in favour of advertising for sexual services.

i'm a civil libertarian, and my concerns about this are threefold:

(1) parents forcing this on kids should really be charged with child abuse. that's the right way to look at it. and, it's sort of what they did.

(2) governments have done some pretty awful things on this front in the past. look up the case of the seminal scientist, alan turing, which was just horrifically egregious. something in the human rights code would be useful on that front.

(3) i couldn't imagine somebody losing a charter challenge on this, when it comes to advertising it for consenting adults. i might snicker. i might think it's horrible. but, it would clearly be a speech issue.

so, i guess i applaud the government for taking some steps on this, but i'm not sure banning the advertisements is likely to stand up....especially given some recent rulings.

and, it may signal that the government is looking to fight any court rulings decriminalizing advertising prostitution or escort services, which....i have two minds about this. that's a really hard issue. this is less hard, on it's face - but it's basically the same precedent, which is why they put it in the same place in the code.

https://www.ctvnews.ca/politics/federal-liberals-introduce-bill-aimed-at-cracking-down-on-conversion-therapy-1.4844453

actually, i'm going to fax her the documents tonight.

i'll just mail her the affidavit tomorrow.

so, that's what i'm doing this afternoon.

ok.

i'm not taking chances on this reply factum, and it seems like the coordinator is being stupid again, so i'm going to have to get out to mail something tomorrow.

she's left a few messages regarding a "motion record", but i'm not appealing anything, so that hasn't made any sense to me. she's refused to clarify the point.

i will nonetheless type up a bullshit motion record, serve it, get an affidavit and mail it in the morning. 

it's literally going to be a piece of paper that says "not applicable" on it twenty times. this is not a relevant thing to have to file...but whatever.

so, i'm finally caught up with this. that took a long time...

it smells awful in here.

the machine seems to be better with two gb of ram. every time i say that, it crashes. that upholds my hypothesis...

i'm going to stop to make something to eat, make some calls, take a shower and then get started on the master document for jan, 2014. let's hope i can keep the posting to the laptop, so i don't need to do this again.

and, am i sticking with 2 gb of ram, then?

i guess so.

for now...

dear cop upstairs,

please stop smoking drugs in the house, as residential areas are not an appropriate place to get stoned. please go to a bar or out to the woods if you want to get stoned.

as you know, i signed a non-smoking lease and i will enforce it if i can catch you.

thank you,
jessica

i also want to make a plea to the american left to strenuously avoid using the term "progressive", as it should bring up memories of explicitly racist policies from anybody that actually knows the history.

i wonder if this term "progressive", and the brutally racist past it invokes, is part of what's scaring off black voters.

i want to ask an honest question, and ask for an empirical analysis of it. i suspect there's something to this, and i've pointed it out previously, several times.

what kind of an effect did ilhan omar have on sanders' decreased competitiveness in minnesota amongst rural white voters?

and, what kind of an effect are abdul el-sayed and rashida tlaib going to have on his ability to compete in rural michigan?