Sunday, February 28, 2021

temporary full february, 2021 backup archive (not source material - to be permanently deleted when pdf uploads)

saturday, january 1, 2022

sunday, 
january 2, 2022

monday, january 3, 2022

tuesday, january 4, 2022

wednesday, january 5, 2022

thursday, january 6, 2022

friday, january 7, 2022

saturday, january 8, 2022

sundayjanuary 9, 2022

monday, january 10, 2022

tuesday, january 11, 2022

wednesday, january 12, 2022

thursday, january 13, 2022

friday, january 14, 2022

saturday, january 15, 2022

sundayjanuary 16, 2022

monday, january 17, 2022

tuesday, january 18, 2022

wednesday, january 19, 2022

thursday, january 20, 2022

friday, january 21, 2022

saturday, january 22, 2022

sundayjanuary 23, 2022

monday, january 24, 2022

tuesday, january 25, 2022

wednesday, january 26, 2022

thursday, january 27, 2022

friday, january 28, 2022

saturday, january 29, 2022

sunday, january 30 2022

monday, january 31, 2022

i'm still cleaning and finding an unexpected source of filth - underneath various table tops.

and, i'm wondering about that...

there's nothing underneath me now. but, all of this furniture was set up directly on top of the pot smoker, when i was in the apartment.

i'm pulling off layers of shit, and it's not clear to me exactly where it could possibly be coming from, except maybe that it's been sitting there the whole time.

if that's true, it's been there for 2.5 years. 

well, if that's true then i've found it, eventually, and gotten rid of it. let's hope it helps.
so, don't let them trick you into thinking this was about "german barbarism".

no.

nazism was strongly aligned with catholicism, and the most recent incarnation of roman imperialism. and, it was defeated yet again by the forces of german "barbarism", this time in strong alliance with the greeks, as it always is.
...and, as has been the case over and over again, the german cultural sphere, this time represented by british democracy, defeated it and wiped it out.

again.
the nazi state was in no way a historically german idea; it was, following napoleon, and perhaps preceding the european union, the most recent incarnation of the roman empire.

and, hitler was the emperor of it.
for all hitler's talk of aryan racial superiority, the man was culturally italian, through and through.
i've spoken a lot about this line between germans and romans in europe, but insofar as it relates to hitler, he was actually on the roman side of the divide. i tend to associate the germanic side with britain, not with germany.

i'm going to superimpose these ideas on to a map of occupied europe, to get the point across a little more clearly.


i know that that might be confusing if you don't know the history. i'm labeling the british german, the russians greek and the germans italian. what?

but, my narrative is about culture, it's not about race. and, in wwII, england was the embodiment of german anarchism, fighting in opposition to the italo-german roman reich. in fact, charlemagne's empire was roughly the same as hitler's, in terms of geography - and he fought against vikings, poles and anglo-saxons.

meanwhile in russia, the byzantine empire had turned into the soviet union.

this is just a quick note. i've actually written extensively on this. but, i hope it clarifies any confusion that might arrive by trying to interpret what i'm saying through the filter of ethnicity, which is a plague on the academy, but standard, nonetheless, nowadays
i initially ignored the kind of racist narrative in the documentary i just posted, because it's sort of a standard roman narrative to call everybody else backwards and barbaric; if you've read any roman history at all, you're just sort of used to the irony and have developed a habit of shrugging it off. you see these kinds of skewed narratives in church histories, as well.

at the end of the day, i'd rather be free than "civilized". so, if you're going to line these things up against each other, i'll choose the roman concept of barbarism over the roman concept of civilization in a second. sorry.

but, what actually happened over the next several centuries is that the german tribes slowly caught up (in contrast to the celtic tribes, which were slaughtered and eliminated). these pro-roman histories that lament the conflict that followed from the successful defeats of imperial rome in northern and central europe forget to remind you that roman victories did not mean integration, but genocide. i mean, it was always the romans that showed up to fight and slaughter, not the other way around - at least at first. so, to argue that the german defense against roman imperialism led to hitler (which is a strange argument, given that hitler was a catholic that was aligned with italy against russia, primarily), and this is a horrible thing, is actually kind of similar to the sort of argument that the nazis made, you're just forgetting that the romans were, actually, pretty much identical to the nazis, in the first place (and what the nazis largely modeled themselves after).

so, if the romans had won, there might have been peace....at the expense of yet another genocide. just add it to the list, right? it's kind of a shitty way to look at it when you're really cognizant of the truth of it. i'd rather flip it over - if the romans had been wiped out sooner, we wouldn't have had to deal with a thousand years worth of empire, and the nazis wouldn't have had an empire to emulate. 

but, the idea that the germans languished in backwardsness for the next 1000 years is completely wrong, and the only people that would honestly make that argument would be christians....and maybe muslims via christian sources, if they're so inclined to. as mentioned, what happened was that the germans caught up to the romans and eventually overtook and defeated them. this happened partly due to cultural diffusion, and largely due to the cultural decline in rome that took place after the adoption of christianity. but, it happened nonetheless.

these guys talk like 406 never happened, like rome was never sacked....

so, do i think these claims that charlemagne would not have existed if not for arminius are accurate? not at all. what was the first reich? the answer was the italo-german successor state of imperial rome, as started by charlemagne. charlemagne himself has overrun by vikings in a series of events that shadows the history. and, in the sense that there's a kernel of truth to it, that's not an alternate history with a happy ending - it's just an argument in favour of the widespread and frequent romanic genocides.
tactically speaking, there is much to be learned by indigenous peoples in studying the german defense of the rhine against imperial roman forces.

yeah, i've been in here less than an hour and i need the fan running, or i'm going to puke.

it's just filthy in here, and unresolvable...
yeah, i've been in here less than an hour and i need the fan running, or i'm going to puke.

it's just filthy in here, and unresolvable...
so, this is what i'm doing for the next few weeks until i catch up:

and, i'll have to devise some process around regular postings.
i just want to get to sitting down at a desk typing rather than sitting in bed typing. it's just a question of normalizing the process of actually working....

but, now i'm tired and need a nap - after breathing in piles of shit while cleaning. i just blew my nose and it was full of dust particles. it just demonstrates the necessity of what i'm doing - and how dirty it is in this space.

i haven't posted any pictures of this place, but it could be considered a two bedroom apartment without an eat-in kitchen. i'm using the living room as a studio space (even if i haven't been using it except as storage) and i'm using the "second bedroom" as an eat-in kitchen, even if i've actually been eating in bed (because my 90s laptop got hacked by the cops). if you compare it to the space i was blogging in, i've kind of flipped the living room with the studio due to size restraints. i need three rooms - somewhere to sleep, somewhere to record and somewhere to eat - and this has that; the previous basement really had four rooms, plus a semi-connected den for smoking pot in once in a while. this is a substantively smaller space, but is functionally similar. and, that place was honestly a bit bigger of a space than i really need...

i wanted to finish cleaning in here before i stopped to eat or sleep that's taking far too long, so i'm going to make take my pills , take at least a nap and get back to it after.
i've decided that i want to try to reconstruct some kind of concept of normality in here, even if it's going to be a while.

so, i've moved the chrome book from the bed to the desk, i've got the tunes running through the receiver and i'm going to reboot directly into the alter-reality.

i'm trying to rewind here and remember what year is what. i'm pretty sure that mellon collie and the infinite sadness was released in grade 9, so that sets grade 9 to starting in the fall of 1995.

uni 3 - 02/03  <--- that is a reference point i'm certain is correct
uni 2- 01/02
uni 1-  00/01
13 - 99/00
12 - 98/99
11 - 97/98
10 - 96/97
9 - 95/96
8  - 94/95 -
7 - 93/94 - 
6 - 92/93 - 
5 - 91/92 -    
4 - 90/91 -   <----this is what i need to catch up to, and then stay caught up with. it's currently march, 1991 in the alter-reality.
3 - 89/90 - 

i wanted to start the alter-reality journal in the summer of 1989, because i switched schools to start grade 3.

the mechanism, in the end,  will be that i'll find the journal somewhere and scan it. but, for now i need to produce a portrait of the artist as a young trans woman, and work this out as it comes up.

i wanted to do this in 2019, but i got bogged down and i need to stop getting bogged down and get to fucking work.