you know, this might actually work out alright. i managed to talk my way up to a supervisor, and if i send my odsp stub off to vancouver they'll put a hold on it for six months - which should let my refund go through for the year, so that's step one. step two is that i need to get my odsp forms filled out in june so that it's permanent - and i think i can do that. then, i can apply for the loan to actually get wiped. it's the one and only way out, apparently.

otherwise, i need to send them the stub every six months.

i'm going to get the diet form when i fax the stub, anyways....

i'm pretty sincere about permanence. but if things work out some other way, the loan is gone.

i've just been ignoring this for months because it's just like....i can't pay you..but they got me the incentive to deal with it.

wait. there's conditions on the diet forms. gah...

i'm a model of physical health, it's my head that's fucked. gotta be some way around this...

the way people talk about this, it's like anybody can get it.

yeah...no. i'm not going to win this argument. so i'm not going to start it. i'll figure something else out.

i remember reading the review a few years ago, and one of the recs was to just abolish the special diet and give everybody the extra $100. i wonder how convincing that report might be if i showed it to a doctor. it's just....i don't see how an empathetic doctor could fill the thing out....

actually, i've had some dysphagia recently. i've been wanting to have this dealt with, anyways. i think i should probably do that tomorrow. if it gets me a useful diagnosis, great. i'd kind of like to get to the bottom of it, anyways.

stupid cra wants to take my tax refund...

which is, like...if you do that, i'm going to apply for the special diet allowance, which is actually roughly twice as much. so, i end up with an extra $50/month.

and, what you're going to gain from my tax refund is roughly 10% interest on the loan in the first place. it's just flat out stupid....

smart thing to do would be to let me declare bankruptcy. but, if you want to burst the student loan bubble, have fun - not like i fucking care.

as it is right now, if i were to get over my disability and find a job tomorrow, the loan payments would actually leave me with less disposable income than i have on disability. and, as the interest builds, i'm left with less and less incentive to get over the disability and find a job. i'm not the kind of person that's going to work for nothing. my life is not valuable enough to me to sacrifice it to the state. if i end up in that situation, i'll kill myself out of political protest. and spite. i'd enjoy it, to be frank.

i got manipulated into this loan - it was supposed to be paid off. i'd have never taken it, otherwise. but the person that made me that promise proceeded to die without following through on it. now, it's simply never going to be paid. ever.

they're telling me to wait for my notice of assessment. it might be available online, let me check...

i'm just not going to live that life. our existences are too short and meaningless to bother. it's stasis or bust.

the point is just that bankruptcy is the proper way out of my situation - but, unfortunately, you can't declare bankruptcy on student loans. nobody benefits from this, though. i'm simply never going to generate the income to pay the loan down.

no assessment, but i've got some more numbers to call. i'm not waiting for the assessment to get the dietary allowance, though. if this isn't figured out today, i'll have to do that tomorrow.

it is going to be kind of funny one day, though, if i live long enough. like, how high can the interest grow on this? can it reach a million dollars?

"in other news, there's apparently a sixty year old disabled person in windsor with three million dollars in interest on her student loan payments. when reached for comment, she simply said that they should have let her declare bankruptcy."