Friday, April 3, 2020

so, what's happened over the last few days?

after realizing that the unauthorized traffic on my network was now using my router as a relay, i decided that right then was as good a time as any to go and get groceries for the month, so i completely dismantled everything in the apartment and was out to get some groceries by 7:00 in the morning, with the intent to get everything done with by sunset.

it was on my fourth trip out, around 13:00, that i ended up moving towards the far store, on dougall. i only intended to get some wholesale salami at the deli and then come back, but the deli was closed indefinitely, so i decided to just keep walking, in order to get a specific brand of soy milk. by this time, i'd been on my feet, often lugging bags full of food, for more or less six hours straight, and my feet were incredibly sore. i'd also picked up a slight sprain in my left knee that was giving me a mild limp.

i'd been to the two closer stores earlier in the day, and they were regulating the number of people in the store, but they allowed for more or less free movement within it. the far store, though, was like entering a compound. you begin your entry procedure by lining up around the corner, separated from each other by increments of ground that are defined by tape on the ground, two meters apart, no doubt with substantive error if actually measured, before being given hand sanitizer and then handed a sterilized cart on the way in and slowly making your way into the store, where these restrictions are suddenly lifted almost entirely, until you get into the checkout line.

something unexpected happened as i was in line to enter the store; i felt very faint, and had to sit down for a good twenty minutes or so, where i shivered in a cold sweat. observers no doubt interpreted me as symptomatic; that would be false, as i actually haven't experienced any symptoms at all. i'd been inside for two weeks, solid, remember. rather, it became clear to me right away that i was experiencing an anxiety attack from the lockdown measures put in place, and i was having trouble dealing with it due to overexertion.

this attack hit me a second time, when going through the checkout line, but i was able to shake it off until i got out of the store, and sat down there.

worse, they didn't even have my brand of soy milk.

anxiety attacks are not merely psychological trauma, they are a physical event. the nausea, weakness and sweating i was experiencing took a strong physical toll on me, leaving me exasperatingly exhausted; i did manage to drag myself home, but then i needed to sleep it off, immediately - and, i did. for roughly 12 hours...

after getting myself something to eat and taking another nap, it was all of a sudden 8:00 am all over again. i was absolutely still exhausted, but i wanted the shopping from the month done quickly, so i pulled myself out of bed and went out to finish the task.

the soreness of my feet took minutes to reassert itself, but i was actually able to walk off the limp after a few hours. after a few productive trips, i found myself in possession of everything i needed, except one thing - i couldn't find my brand of soy milk.

the soy i buy is a canadian brand called soy good that is fairly heavily fortified with vitamins. unfortunately, the silk brand seems to be taking over shelf space in most stores, and this brand has lower amounts of vitamins and nutrients than the soy good. i was considering compromising on chocolate soy good over vanilla silk.

i decided to try one more spot downtown - and was successful in locating two cartons. by the time i dragged myself home in the afternoon, i was so exhausted that i passed out yet again for another lengthy sleep. when i first woke up, around 3:00 am, i wasn't sure i'd be able to stand up for a day or two - it was hard to walk to the bathroom, even. but, after eating some food, i was alert and strong enough to get out one more time.

so, for a third day in a row, i found myself ready to get out of the house for groceries at 7:00 am.

at this point, i had everything i need, including soy milk. but, i drink 4-5 cartons of soy milk a month, so i needed more than the two i had been able to locate up to that point. where could i find some? i'd just checked the store downtown, i'd just checked the far store....

it made more sense to me to try the far store, first. did they have my brand? nope.

so, i took a walk south to the walmart. did they have it? nope.

so, i walked around to fred's. nope.

the last place i tried was the close store, where i was going to compromise on the chocolate, and they actually had what i was looking for. so, i grabbed four cartons and brought them to the cash...

"there's a limit of two items for soy milk."

in fact, there was no sign in the section. but, i didn't want to argue with them...

for a third day, i was so exhausted that i had no choice but to sleep - and, for the third day, i woke up feeling like a newborn fawn learning how to walk.

so, i finally turned my network back on on thursday night, after i'd slept the walking off a little, and checked my usage stats early on the 3rd...

i dismantled my network early on the 31st and had it off all day, so i should have had minimal traffic. teksavvy logged a large amount of traffic on this day.

there should have been exactly no traffic on the first. while teksavvy logged some traffic on this day, it was actually a recognizable amount of < 2 gb.

there should have been a small amount of traffic on the 2nd, about what teksavvy logged for the 1st. but, there was no traffic for the 2nd at all...

at that point, i realized what i'd done - i'd confused the server by keeping my modem off for so long, and it then logged me in under the wrong date. so, it logged my stats for the second and filed it under the first. in the process, it seems to have undone whatever was creating the problem.

while i initially was convinced of a police listener, and these outcomes are not mutually exclusive, the isp appears to increasingly be the culprit.

we'll see what happens in the morning.

i should be able to get back to writing that sunsquabi review very soon.
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so, i watched this, and let's be clear about what this actually is, and you don't have to take my word for it, you can listen to the doctors state it clearly themselves, repeatedly; this is not a serious scientific briefing and shouldn't be analyzed disingenuously as though it is one, what this is is an attempt to sort of scare people into staying inside, a justification for the economic shutdown as it has already occurred and is likely to continue occurring for quite some time.

they don't show their work, so who knows how they decided that the situation would be so much worse without the steps that have been taken, or if the truth isn't even that it already is, due to an apparent lack of actual testing. but, i'd be missing the point if i were to take the calculation seriously - these are just big numbers designed to reassure you that the steps that they've already taken are working so well, and we need to carry on that much longer.

i don't particularly want to impugn these people, because they legitimately realize that they're going to have capacity issues very soon, and they think they need to drastically alter public behaviour very quickly in order to prevent the system from overflow; the question of exactness is perhaps unimportant when faced with the requirement of such drastic social conditioning. but, i'm supposed to soberly analyze the data, here, and i can't do that, if i can't take it seriously.

they may even fully realize that what they're doing is futile, but they don't have a better idea.

so, this is really a desperate plea: they really, really, really want you to stay inside now, please.

i'm not commenting on the actual modelling.


slides here:
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/ontario-covid-projections-1.5519575
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While aggressive measures (e.g., widespread antiviral use and restriction of movement) to attempt to contain or slow an emerging pandemic in its earliest stages were previously considered possible on the basis of modeling, experience from the 2009 pandemic has resulted in general agreement that such attempts are impractical, if not impossible.
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i guess she got a call from some key donors in the pharmaceutical lobby.

this is insane, really. but, it's what happens when your medical system is run by capitalists in the midst of a crisis.

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if this was supposed to be the plan, it actually seems to me as though they only got through the first couple of pages of it, and kind of winged it from there.

in fact, most of the things i've been calling on them to do are explicitly mentioned in the guidance plan, it's just not being followed.

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