different trains

ESA
ok so trains are on sale

Jessica Amber Murray
how much would it cost?

ESA
82 bucks there and back

but we need to book it in advance a bit

Jessica Amber Murray
i don't want to pay 82 bucks. but i don't want to enforce my lack of desire to pay for transportation on you either. you guys train if you want. i'll hitch and meet you there.

ESA
haha

well i want to hitch

but 82 bucks is ridonculously cheap for two ways

Jessica Amber Murray
it might be, but it's still 82 dollars i didn't budget for and i can't really part with.

if only there were still box cars we could hitch on...

wait. my gst is late. i won't know anything about it until friday. when would you have to book by?

ESA
yeah the only thing is illuminous.

I want to hitch with you

and not illuminous. because illuminous doesn't know anything and like. its hard to hitch with 3 people

Jessica Amber Murray
it is definitely hard to hitch with 3 people. it would almost certainly have to be done by splitting and meeting. and if you/illuminous doesn't seem like a good idea, and neither of you want to hitch alone, it's an impossible task.

ESA
yea. so I might just ditch him

because I don't have the money really either

i'm not spending 84 dollars out of my 180 that I have on bus fare

Jessica Amber Murray
i was going to ask if he was sure he's coming. i'm not sure ditching him is necessary. moving to windsor for employment opportunities really isn't a good idea.

ESA
yeah

can you ask him ?

Jessica Amber Murray
i'm not really sure how to approach this either. let me think about it.

i was thinking earlier today that another way out of this may be to try and convince illuminous to invite milo. not his roomate milo. a different milo that was involved in occupy. she's also odsp. moving to windsor would make sense for her, too.

ESA
hmmm ok

Jessica Amber Murray
milo is also transgendered. she and illuminous had some kind of fling, the details of which i'm not aware of. she's living in horrible conditions in vanier, always broke - same boat we're in. i don't know if she'd be interested. it solves a few problems. four people for the house, too. (i'm sort of assuming etan can't come)

ESA
well etan will come. it just depends on when. we haven't talked since he got back

is milo cool ? can you get her to add me ?

I don't see her when I search her name. I still haven't met her.

Jessica Amber Murray
milo's a bit of a private person, i doubt she'd add you without knowing her. you can try chatting with her though and seeing what happens. i decided a while back to block her temporarily and we haven't spoken since. i don't *think* that would be a problem.

full disclosure: illuminous was mildly hitting on me for a bit as well. for quite a while. i didn't spend nearly as much time with him 1-1 as you have, in fact i tried to avoid that, and he got the disinterested message clearly. we're ok. milo and i were mutually mildly interested in each other for a while. well, we're both transgendered and ended up in the same group of friends, so that's a natural thing. but i think it's blatantly obvious to both of us that we don't have much in common besides that.

bottom line: love squares are better than love triangles. in triangles, somebody always gets hurt. squares at least allow for somebody to talk to. that's a big part of what i'm thinking, too.

ESA
lol I dunno if love squares are better

just means theres more of a chance for someone to get hurt by someone else

Jessica Amber Murray
well, i think with triangles somebody will always get hurt. i honestly don't think you, illuminous and i are stable. the presence of that fourth person is perhaps a complicating factor, but it's also a mitigating one. i'm not really convinced milo would want to go, anyways. just a thought.

actually, maybe don't text milo yet? let me think about ways to bring up the job thing.

'cause even if milo wants to come, bringing illuminous to a life of unwanted unemployment in windsor is probably not in his best interests. and if he's not able to get on odsp, it's not in ours either (you couldn't even live comfortably on welfare in a place as cheap as windsor).

ESA
lets find a place me and you

a super cheap one

Jessica Amber Murray
i kind of think that would be my preferred outcome, too.

ESA
yah.

shared observations on the queerness of existence

ESA
bahah my dad is so funny.

i was explaining to him what being transgendered is and he didn't get it, but now he does.

hes basically the funniest ever :)

Jessica Amber Murray
i don't think i get it half the time, either.

ESA
hes like so working class dad

but then when you explain shit to him he's all "whateva floats yer boat" and totally cool with everything except for churchy lesbians in their 50s.

He draws a line at their kind.

Jessica Amber Murray
my mom left my dad for a woman as well. her name was ******. i was young - 3. they broke up when i was around 6, and she got married a second time (i have a half sister). but she was a philosophy student at the time. taught me more than anybody i've ever met.

my dad's thrown out some weird comments regarding it over the years.

never *really* got over it...

this address

From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: stepmother's first address
Cc: stepmother's second address

this is the right one.

j

a negotiation for the delivery of regifted fancy mustard

Jessica Amber Murray
you awake?

i snagged a condiment for you, but i left it in the other pocket: smokin' stampede fume mayo sandwich spread! mild. pc. want it?

ESA
lol i had that in my fridge? didn't even know

Jessica Amber Murray
no, i picked it up at the food bank but forgot to take it out of my bag. do you want it?

ESA
not if you do

Jessica Amber Murray
well, i suspect you may appreciate it more than i, so if you'd like it it's yours.

ok, i'm late, if you want it i'll bring it later.

ESA
lol don't matta to me

see u later

beer accounting....

Jessica Amber Murray
beer accounting.....

price of beer:
price/quantity = 30/24 = 1.25

me - 6.5*1.25= 8.125
you - 5*1.25 = 6.25
illuminous - 2.5*1.25 = 3.125

i'll presume illuminous did not pay. s'ok. $3. let's split it.

3.125/2 = 1.5625
me - 8.25 + 1.5625 = 9.8125
you - 7.8125

there should be 24 - (6.5+5+2.5) = 10 beers left. 10*1.25 = 12.5.

under the assumption that you purchased those ten beers, you should have given me: 12.5 + 7.8125 = 20.3125. so, it actually worked out almost perfectly. i owe you 31.25 cents :P

ESA
hahaha awesome :D

it's times like this when i really need a palette. i love my guitar, but it's just not sufficient. an idea, but not a concept. a feeling, but not an expression. a scream, but not an explanation. a release, but not a resolution.

a statement out of context.

i write things out the old fashioned way sometimes, but it's a cerebral process. it's not a cathartic one.

poetry even seems more worthwhile, and while i'm a wordsmith i'm definitely not a poet. if i was better with words, i could use them to describe the emotions i want to describe with clashes of sound. poetry, though, is inherently linear. i want to write the lines on top of each other and have them read and understood simultaneously.

a painting couldn't do that, either. not that it matters. complicated objects are also understood linearly, sequentially. you can't process all of the interpretations of a painting at once. you have to collapse that waveform.

only complex sounds can sufficiently express all of the subtleties of a complex emotion by getting across all of it's different aspects, and all the interference patterns.