this is kind of stupid. or youthful exuberance. i think i was angry with the concept of business normality, albeit in a teacher-student high school context.
moving forwards into the end of my first month of recording, this noisy catastrophe presents itself as a sort of generic raw punk work through. but, there's a reason why being 15 and angry doesn't get old, i guess. my target of frustration was the idea of business normality as it applies to teenagers, and the shallowness of first impressions, specifically as they were coming from teachers. i was a "gifted student" and well aware of it, and really didn't like it when some glorified babysitter decided to look down his nose at me because he didn't like my haircut.
i like the instrumental section at 1:50, but i mostly interpret this nowadays with a careful chuckle, as an interesting time capsule. but, there will always be kids that get judged badly based on their appearance (because there will always be assholes that will judge them), and maybe one will find this and connect with it.
recorded in september, 1996. remastered on oct 1, 2013.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
....overheard walking down my street today.....
"wait, that's a girl"
"nah, it's a guy."
"dude. that's a GIRL."
"it's a guy!"
"da fuck you looking at, man? GIRL."
it only occurred to me afterwards that i could have walked over and clarified. was just a little bit uncomfortable about being microscoped.
"wait, that's a girl"
"nah, it's a guy."
"dude. that's a GIRL."
"it's a guy!"
"da fuck you looking at, man? GIRL."
it only occurred to me afterwards that i could have walked over and clarified. was just a little bit uncomfortable about being microscoped.
shower again, and check
From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: the initial landlord
hi.
i have a check for you this month, but i'm wondering how you'd feel about setting up an automatic deposit thing? i could avoid paying the bank for checks that way. if you don't want to, i'll buy some checks, it's not that big a deal (i just don't really want to pay the bank...).
as for the shower. i finished sealing around everywhere i could see that would conceivably cause flooding, and it didn't make a difference. it really seems clear to me that the leaking is coming from the drain. so, i'm going to run through my perception of the thing again...
normally, when you have a tub of some sort, it fills up as the water falls because the drain can't handle all the water coming at once. i'm thinking the better mental comparison (and the mental comparison is for me - i'm not trained in this subject, i'm just trying to understand what's happening) is to a public shower stall at a swimming pool or something. in such a situation, you would expect the water to fill up in pools around the corner of the stall and drain slowly afterwards, if at all, due to things like bumps in the floor. it seems to me to be that this is roughly what's happening.
that leaves two possible solutions. either the drain could be sealed up to force the water to pool on top of the shower rather than underneath it or the base could be sealed so that when the water pools it's trapped underneath the base. but i don't think the water can be stopped from pooling in one or the other place.
both of those approaches have some problems. sealing around the platform is not something i'd be comfortable doing myself because i'd be afraid i'd end up sealing water in, which could blow up the platform on the other side. *so i won't do that myself*. sealing the drain would make it difficult to get in there to pull hair out.
i think there may be an easy answer, though. looking at the drain carefully suggests that it's actually missing a piece or something. there was clearly *something* ringing around the drain at one point. first, the plastic is rough. second, it seems like it isn't tight.
i suspect it may be possible to merely put a rubber stopper of some sort around the drain. hopefully, that would keep the water in the platform.
i don't know how to dismantle the drain though. i want to be careful not to break it, so i'm stopping myself from just taking a screwdriver to it. could you send me instructions as to how to take the drain out so i can experiment with some kind of stopper?
j
To: the initial landlord
hi.
i have a check for you this month, but i'm wondering how you'd feel about setting up an automatic deposit thing? i could avoid paying the bank for checks that way. if you don't want to, i'll buy some checks, it's not that big a deal (i just don't really want to pay the bank...).
as for the shower. i finished sealing around everywhere i could see that would conceivably cause flooding, and it didn't make a difference. it really seems clear to me that the leaking is coming from the drain. so, i'm going to run through my perception of the thing again...
normally, when you have a tub of some sort, it fills up as the water falls because the drain can't handle all the water coming at once. i'm thinking the better mental comparison (and the mental comparison is for me - i'm not trained in this subject, i'm just trying to understand what's happening) is to a public shower stall at a swimming pool or something. in such a situation, you would expect the water to fill up in pools around the corner of the stall and drain slowly afterwards, if at all, due to things like bumps in the floor. it seems to me to be that this is roughly what's happening.
that leaves two possible solutions. either the drain could be sealed up to force the water to pool on top of the shower rather than underneath it or the base could be sealed so that when the water pools it's trapped underneath the base. but i don't think the water can be stopped from pooling in one or the other place.
both of those approaches have some problems. sealing around the platform is not something i'd be comfortable doing myself because i'd be afraid i'd end up sealing water in, which could blow up the platform on the other side. *so i won't do that myself*. sealing the drain would make it difficult to get in there to pull hair out.
i think there may be an easy answer, though. looking at the drain carefully suggests that it's actually missing a piece or something. there was clearly *something* ringing around the drain at one point. first, the plastic is rough. second, it seems like it isn't tight.
i suspect it may be possible to merely put a rubber stopper of some sort around the drain. hopefully, that would keep the water in the platform.
i don't know how to dismantle the drain though. i want to be careful not to break it, so i'm stopping myself from just taking a screwdriver to it. could you send me instructions as to how to take the drain out so i can experiment with some kind of stopper?
j
Jessica Amber Murray
hey, i'm glad you found what you were looking for without having to move away from your family and school. i think that's a better outcome. of course, who cares what i think... listen, i have to ask you a favour. it's going to sound insane. to an extent, i acknowledge it is literally insane, relative to the meaning of insane. what i mean to say is that i'm aware that i have hallucinations, auditory and otherwise, and that sometimes i get stuck in these paranoid fantasies that draw...the truth is that they draw very rational, formally deductive conclusions. the issue is really a struggle between interpreting the world through deductive or empirical reasoning. i think there's a very good reason that schizophrenia and mathematical abilities tend to go well together. i tend to get stuck in hallucinations and fantasies when i spend a lot of time alone, so, like, it's right on schedule sort of thing. i don't really want to medicate myself. i'd rather use it as an idea source for art projects. but i sort of do medicate, if you see what i mean. i need to find some soon. so, i'm walking down the street a few minutes ago and i hear sarah yell at me. see, i *know* i hallucinated this. but, what i'm less clear about is *why* i hallucinated this. it could just be my mind playing tricks on me, nothing to think about. it could be the result of some kind of entanglement that's beyond our current understanding of things. what i know is that i know how to rationalize through things and deal with them. but she sounded like she was in trouble. so, what if there *is* some kind of not understood entanglement thing going on? it would sort of make me feel better if you could just give her a quick call and ask her if she's ok. i have the number in my cell phone at home if you don't have it.
Shelly Teagan
Ill get as to do it. But yeah ill do it.
Also, you need to go and meet people. Im a bit worried.
Whats her number.
Also, i should have left to get rid of my parents. I found out that i had a very physically abusive childhoo, but have blocked out all these memories. So yeah, ive cut my parents out for trying to distort reality all these years and try to play me off as crazy.
I should be in windsor. But Jess!!!!!! Go hang out with the wobblies and play risk or something
Jessica Amber Murray
lols. no. crazy music on the way. this is what i do, erin....i push myself to the brink and then record myself freaking out...i'm safe, and people around me are safe, it's nothing to really be concerned about. abusive parents are such a...my mom and step-mom were both really bad, verbally. but it hasn't cut out a necessary reliance with my mom (my step-mom is OUT). it's such a fine line between codependency and reconciliation, you know? hard thing to walk between... i'll go home and get the number, i just have to finish writing an email to my landlord first.
Shelly Teagan
Go hang out peeps, jess. Go!!!!
hey, i'm glad you found what you were looking for without having to move away from your family and school. i think that's a better outcome. of course, who cares what i think... listen, i have to ask you a favour. it's going to sound insane. to an extent, i acknowledge it is literally insane, relative to the meaning of insane. what i mean to say is that i'm aware that i have hallucinations, auditory and otherwise, and that sometimes i get stuck in these paranoid fantasies that draw...the truth is that they draw very rational, formally deductive conclusions. the issue is really a struggle between interpreting the world through deductive or empirical reasoning. i think there's a very good reason that schizophrenia and mathematical abilities tend to go well together. i tend to get stuck in hallucinations and fantasies when i spend a lot of time alone, so, like, it's right on schedule sort of thing. i don't really want to medicate myself. i'd rather use it as an idea source for art projects. but i sort of do medicate, if you see what i mean. i need to find some soon. so, i'm walking down the street a few minutes ago and i hear sarah yell at me. see, i *know* i hallucinated this. but, what i'm less clear about is *why* i hallucinated this. it could just be my mind playing tricks on me, nothing to think about. it could be the result of some kind of entanglement that's beyond our current understanding of things. what i know is that i know how to rationalize through things and deal with them. but she sounded like she was in trouble. so, what if there *is* some kind of not understood entanglement thing going on? it would sort of make me feel better if you could just give her a quick call and ask her if she's ok. i have the number in my cell phone at home if you don't have it.
Shelly Teagan
Ill get as to do it. But yeah ill do it.
Also, you need to go and meet people. Im a bit worried.
Whats her number.
Also, i should have left to get rid of my parents. I found out that i had a very physically abusive childhoo, but have blocked out all these memories. So yeah, ive cut my parents out for trying to distort reality all these years and try to play me off as crazy.
I should be in windsor. But Jess!!!!!! Go hang out with the wobblies and play risk or something
Jessica Amber Murray
lols. no. crazy music on the way. this is what i do, erin....i push myself to the brink and then record myself freaking out...i'm safe, and people around me are safe, it's nothing to really be concerned about. abusive parents are such a...my mom and step-mom were both really bad, verbally. but it hasn't cut out a necessary reliance with my mom (my step-mom is OUT). it's such a fine line between codependency and reconciliation, you know? hard thing to walk between... i'll go home and get the number, i just have to finish writing an email to my landlord first.
Shelly Teagan
Go hang out peeps, jess. Go!!!!
english 2107 essay cover page
Cover Page
Permission to speak freely, captain?
Yes, the italicized cover
page, the refuge of inane rambles and precocious pitter-posh alike. I feel
obligated to point out a few things. First, the cited page numbers refer to the
proper numbering within your course pack, not the numbering within the
photocopied pages. This is done for your convenience; you’re welcome.
I hate the
concept of quoting and will argue until I’m blue in the face that it is your
responsibility to verify the veracity of my statements, not mine. I would not
trust you under any circumstance and the sentiment should be reciprocated.
Citations are eye-sores, they sap all enjoyment from the process of reading the
text by slicing sentences in half, paragraphs into verses and naturally
connected concepts into disjointed fragments with little context. They
simultaneously deprive the argument of wholeness and all aesthetic value. With
the ubiquity of Google, this approach is becoming obsolete. Nonetheless, they
are here for your convenience; indeed, the essay is truly a verifiable plethora
of superfluous citations[1],
one that will satiate even the most ravenous appetite for Reductio ad
BecauseHeSaidSoium. It is somewhat of a satirical approach to the citation, but
no so much that it’s invasive. Just enough to get the point across. If you’re
not laughing right now, you’re taking this way too fucking seriously.
The essay is a
little bit
longer than the requirements, but it’s also formatted oddly. As
mentioned, there are a lot of quotes. Could I have written the entire
essay
using pasted pieces of the course texts? YES! I didn’t. I did make it
closer to
ten pages to make up for the over-quoting.
[1] Cover Page, Jessica Murray, 2009
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/thoughts/trolls/engl2107.html
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/thoughts/trolls/engl2107.html
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