Sunday, July 27, 2025

the second container of my crispy crunches were edible, so i just ate them. i'm down to just the marshmallows in the coffee, although i also have a package of instant ice lattes.

as mentioned, i'm about to enter back into the creative phase of consuming the food from the food bank. i'm going to take note of where the pasta subs are at ending #11 and going into 12 and eventually 13. i have enough basic materials built up from a few trips to the food bank to get me to 18 days of pasta this summer. this is a food bank staple - i can expect they will always give me pasta, so i'm going to get more the next time i'm there, too.

my pasta with minor subs is updated.

pre-prep
- on a large flat plate add -  one tomato (preferred) or four-five mini tomatoes or 100 g of canned tomatoes or 100 g of arrabiata pasta sauce, one half a red pepper (diced), one avocado (diced), two cloves of garlic, one carrot, one beet, one tbsp of oregano, one tbsp of thyme, one tbsp of basil, some fresh dill (chopped). add one tbsp of processed pesto (includes italian cheeses).

- chop 150 g of fresh pineapple into small squares on a small plate. i purchased four actual pineapples at reduced price at the grocery store across the street because they were ripe, which is a good thing (who wants crunchy pineapples? it's better if they're a little soft.). i should get around 900 g 750 g of usable fruit per pineapple. i'm finishing up pineapple 2 of 4 and about to go to pineapple 3 and they are in fact nice and soft. somebody at the store really didn't get it.
- peel and segment one lime. chop each segment in half. put on same plate.

- slice and chop up 50 g of salami into small squares (i'm using spicy genoa sold in a 600 g amount). i have one more salami left, after which i'll shift to some frozen meat, which includes chicken and ground bison. i may have some difficulty with this, as i do not believe i have ever cooked raw meat before, and would have never purchased it in a store or even eaten it if it wasn't given to me, but i'm not going to throw it away. the animal is dead. i'll never buy this, i'll never contribute to it's economy, but it's not helpful to waste it. i'm going to have to teach myself how to i suppose fry these items.
- fry in olive oil margarine until a little crispy. 

- chop off the top of 25 g of broccoli florets and place on a small plate. place any stems in a bowl in the freezer, which is cumulative.

- grate 100 g of marble cheese

- weigh 110 g of dry pasta, preferably fettucine, but i will not be using fettucine for the foreseeable future. i went through three days of egg noodles and four days of fusilli. day eight will be half fusilli and half penne. it's been penne since and will be for a while still.
- cook to al dente in a covered pot.

preparation:
- add pasta on top of vegetables, right out of the pot. flatten pasta.
- add 1 tbsp of olive oil margarine on pasta.
- add pineapple and lime on top of that. flatten fruit.
- add salami or other meat on top of that. flatten meat.
- add 1 tbsp cumin, 1 tbsp nutritional yeast, 1 tbsp paprika, 1 tbsp hemp seeds, 1 tbsp sunflower seeds (or just chomp the last one). distribute these items evenly.
- add a lot of ceasar dressing (this is the pasta sauce), and bunch it up in the middle.
- add 1 tbsp of processed pesto
- add the grated marble cheese

- microwave for 2:00

- sprinkle crushed broccoli florets
- add frank's, black pepper, a tbsp of cayenne pepper (sprinkled).
 
served with
- serve with some bread and olive oil margarine. the food bank gave me a lot of bread, including garlic cheese buns (first up), a baguette (second, now almost done) and a loaf of unsliced italian bread (third). i'm currently on the baguette and using five slices with margarine.
- serve with tall glass of 25% grapefruit, 75% orange juice

as mentioned, i'm on day 11 of pasta, which is 3 of 4 for cycle 3. there's enough ingredients here to get midway through cycle 6, although i'm going to be alternating for now to use some of the other food up to.

one thing coming up is a sub of lentils for quinoa, as i have a fair amount of lentils. again, i do not normally eat lentils. i'm not sure i have ever eaten lentils. they seem healthy. that could be interesting.

i hope i'm awake now, so let's try this again:

- june 16th: doubled up salsa with chick peas, cheese, spices and vitamins.
- june 17th: onion soup bacon poutine
- june 18th: basic doritos nachos and french onon soup with bacon
- june 19th: doubled up salsa reprise
- june 20th: caesar salad without subs
- june 21st: 2nd onion soup poutine with onion soup and last chance salad
- june 22rd: 3rd onion soup poutine with onion soup with beets
- june 23rd: caesar salad without subs
- june 24th: caesar salad without subs
- june 25th: bacon and eggs without subs, no salsa
- june 26th: bacon and eggs without subs, no salsa
- june 27th: ad hoc pad thai
- june 28th: broccoli soup
- june 29th: fridge-clearing meal (oranges & garlic bread)
- june 30th: kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise
- july 1st:    kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise
- july 2nd:  kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise
- july 3rd:  10 packages of instant oatmeal, in 5 installments. spaghetti-os + spices & vitamins (cumin, cayenne, pepper, oregano, paprika, sunflower seed, hemp seed, nutritional yeast, frank's).
- july 4th:  a can of stew and a can of corn, plus spices & vitamins.
- july 5th: a package of jasmine rice i had put aside as a quinoa sub (it probably isn't), with a can of peas and a can of tomato soup, plus spices and vitamins.
- july 6th: a can of beans cooked in a can of vegetable soup, plus spices and vitamins.
- july 7th:  two cans of chicken noodle soup, plus spices and vitamins. tim's xl double-double coffee in morning. two builders protein mini bars in evening. 7-11 coffee with jalapeno taquito late at night.
- july 8th: food bank junk food eat through - two bags of "real vegetable chips" (one big, one small), a bag of goldfish crackers, one mini crispy crunch, some strawberry licorice, prime energy drink, two tim horton's donuts, little ceasar's pepperoni pizza with unlabelled chocolate milk product.
- july 9th: another prime energy drink with another unlabelled chocolate milk product, unlabelled food bank ginger bread (two loaves)
- july 10th: pasta with minor subs (1), third energy drink, sour cream n cheddar chips
- july 11th: sour cream 'n' bacon, sour cream 'n' onion chips
- july 12th: more licorice, pasta with minor subs (2)
- july 13th: jalapeno cheddar chips, pasta with minor subs (3)
- july 14th: 10 baby cookies, pasta with minor subs (4)
- july 15th: i ate most of the 14th pasta on the 15th and followed it with the remaining baby cookies (which are actually french butter cookies, not baby cookies. they look like baby cookies). i did not make pasta for the 15th.
- july 16th:.  pasta with minor subs (5)
- july 17th:  pasta with minor subs (6)
- july 18th (on the 19th):  pasta with minor subs (7)
- july 19th (on the 20th): cereal (one bowl of vector and all bran with paprika, flax, nutritional yeast, hemp seeds and soy, as per my normal diet and one bowl of instant oatmeal with a little real milk and an apple)
- july 20th (on the 21st): pasta with minor subs (8)
- july 21st (on the 22nd): pasta with minor subs (9)
- july 22nd: cereal day 2 in cycle 2 (final cycle 2 cereal day): one bowl of vector and all bran with paprika, flax, nutritional yeast, hemp seeds and soy, as per my normal diet and one bowl of instant oatmeal with a little real milk and two apples, one in the oatmeal and one standalone.
- july 23rd: cereal day 1 in cycle 3
- july 24: pasta with minor subs (10)
- july 25: cereal day 2 in cycle 3, same as 22 and 23, with the addition of 6 mini apple sauce containers.
- july 26: pasta with minor subs (11)
- july 27th - guac with white rice and canned corn
as an aside, i'm happy to see that this pseudo-scientific garbage has fully migrated to the right, with conservatives like zizek and jordan peterson. these idiots have been at the root cause of what is keeping the left down for decades. good riddance.
i'm concerned about these auras, triggering without associated migraines. i recognize the auras. where's the headache?

i have never got them in one eye. the tracers have always been in my temple, between my eyes. i would not describe it as ocular. it starts with glassy vision, progresses to something like the northern lights (i call them tracers because it's similar to a psilocybin trip, which is an experience i know i can compare and relate to) and then stops all at once. it just lifts, suddenly. the next step is the stroke-like numbness, and that could happen on either side and often actually happens on both sides (separately) through the process.

i'm used to a vicious headache setting in after that, but it hasn't happened in recent days.

these are migraine headaches. they're about the worst ones you get. why are they happening more frequently, and without the headaches? is it a consequence of the marijuana smoke i'm breathing in, and whatever's in it?

i slept again all night.

i have some coffee brewing.

it is clear that they drugged me again, but also that this time it isn't working. they've been here talking to me for days. what's been happening for the last five nights in a row is:

- i feel ok at first
- then i have an aura without a migraine. there's another one coming right now.
- then i feel dopey for a bit, and i start to notice the smell of marijuana (i made a very aggressive complaint on thursday night, and there was no pot tonight or last night, or not that i could tell)
- then i get extremely tired and eventually sleep for 15 or 20 hours at a time. yes, it's the pot that is knocking me out, but there is something in it. that's when they start talking to me.

the purpose appears to be to try to knock me out, primarily. as mentioned, they want to do their talk therapy on me first and foremost. they are resorting to drugging me with steroids as a last resort. they actually want to "cure" me by messing with my dreams. they're trying to force me to sleep to force me to dream. 

these are pseudo-scientific thugs that may have some education in freud but, in all likelihood, are tying to apply something they saw in a zizek video. they think they're smart, but they aren't. they're low intelligence idiots operating on dark age logic and anti-empirical thinking. they need to be put in jail, and i'm getting there.

i can get a guess at some of the things they're seeding me with.

for example, i had a g rated dream last night where i went clothes shopping with a young angelina jolie. we toured through a mall in downtown ottawa called the rideau centre. i tried on a few things. she tried on a few things. it was pretty uneventful.

i don't suppose that was their intent.

this is a very weird thing for me to dream about, and not something i can explain away easily. i am not a fan of angelina jolie (that's probably why it was angelina jolie c. 2000), have seen like maybe two of her movies (one of them was girl; interrupted) and know essentially nothing about her. while i do not date women and am not interested in dating women, i am generally not at all attracted to italian or southern european woman, and am generally more attracted to northern european as in germanic, viking, celtic, slavic or swedish women. i think italian culture is disgusting, i think their religion is stupid, i think their men are despicable and i think their women are ugly. it's not a culture i have much or any respect for. i have much more respect for the cultures of northern europe than the cultures of southern europe. i have some italian ancestry, but i don't look like it and i identify as strictly scandinavian, and not as italian or mediterranean. i don't like these people. i went to a high school full of italians and wouldn't even talk to them because i thought they were filthy and disgusting. for angelina jolie to pop up in my dreams would not make sense, as that is not somebody i would have ever noted any interest in or attraction to. i remember her as gross and weird and ugly and ethnic. i haven't seen a film she's in or seen any ads with her in them in something like 20 years. she wouldn't have even crossed my mind, normally. i haven't read anything about her or seen any pictures of her recently at a supermarket or anything. that wasn't my idea, i can be sure about that. somebody was seeding me when i was dreaming, and trying to get a very different outcome.

i actually don't think i've seen any film at all in upwards of 20 years. there is no movie star i'm thinking about because i don't watch movies. i would rather do anything than waste my time in front of a tv watching a movie - i think it's a complete waste of oxygen. i do not enjoy watching films and do not do so. i don't want to waste an afternoon. i don't want to turn my mind off. i have work to do; it's a boring waste of time.

despite this obvious drugging, with it's clear intent that has completely failed, i'm not seeing the signs of drugging that i would associate with forced steroid use, like i have previously. there is no unwanted hair growth, no unwanted muscle thickening, no unwanted arousal. i can hear them downstairs, and they're trying to enforce their thuggery and nonsense when i'm asleep, but they have completely failed to do anything but knock me out and make me tired. they are insisting on some pre-modern concept of treatment and refusing to understand that the sole thing that gave them results previously was the steroids, which i've aggressively metabolized and removed and undone with massive amounts of estrogen, progesterone and t-blocking.

i'm going to have to spend the night in the shower, drinking coffee and cleaning up from sleeping in my own sweat for much of the last week. i'm exhausted and i feel like shit.

as mentioned, i have a drug req ready to go if i notice the kinds of symptoms i'm worried about. for right now, it seems like i'm recuperating strictly from some kind of strong sedative, and i just need to focus on cleaning myself and dying my hair.

these disgusting low intelligence retards need to go fucking hang themselves off of a tree. they're despicable, disgusting, sad excuses for human beings that should be put out of their fucking misery by firing squad.