so, i got everything uploaded. that's step one.

the next thing is to get the links out.

it almost seemed like smashwords was off because it was sunday. fucking christians. i don't have time for this stupidity.

it sat there for hours, but you can't even unpublish a book when it's in limbo like that, you're just stuck with it.

it turns out that i think there was some kind of hiccup on the server with converting it to html, because once i unchecked that button, it went through. it still didn't correct the file for the second upload, though.

so, we're starting over again, and, so long as it works, it should be fine.

and, it's amazing how stupid the media can be in it's reporting.

first of all, they keep reporting cases instead of deaths, like that matters.

second, they have this amazing feat of logic:

"415 cases today, but 200 are from delays in reporting"

so, there's less than 400 cases today, actually, apparently.

like yesterday? no, there were delays in reporting yesterday.

but, not today, i guess.

fucking idiots.

i've been clear as day - i won't use sites that want to "moderate" me.

i'll call it what it is - censorship - and i'll go post somewhere else, and tell freeminded people to follow me.

the slaves can have their government censorship in their safe spaces and jerk off all over each other in peace. i don't want to talk to them, anyways.

it makes me sad that this even exists.

...as though we need to hire some teenager in their parent's basement to "protect us" from "dangerous speech".

we're becoming a bunch of fucking retards.

https://globalnews.ca/news/7036628/content-moderators-online-coronavirus/

ugh.

do i really want to spend the day uploading and reuploading files to this server to see if they're broken or not?

i don't.

if the purpose of the site is to allow for free dissemination of the smaller files, then this is accomplished, even if the files are somewhat broken. i just need to actually take note of it.

the server is also doing weird things, and i think i need to wait for it to finish before i upload anything else, because i might have to delete and reupload the second e-book, which is currently serving the wrong file.

so, i'm going to stop to eat and get back to this after.

the last post broadcast.

facebook post:

i'm going to need to clean this space up over the next few hours, but the story is that...

i've spent the last year and a bit converting old blogs into pdf files, which sounds like a waste of time, but is tied into the process of building liner notes for rereleases from when i first moved to windsor. i'm almost done the first phase of this, and am going to put the second phase on hold for a later time.

i've been hosting these files in two places: bandcamp (in the form of music journals that you can buy) and noise trade (which offered the files for free, and let you donate an amount, if you want).

bandcamp is very reliable, and i thank them for it. but, within hours of finishing the last major journal update, the noise trade site just up and disappeared. the account continues to exist, and i can change the password, but i can't log into it. it's very weird.

when i signed up for noise trade a few years ago, it was an independent site that allowed for free file sharing. that was my attraction to it. up until now, the only other site that i've had on the internet with a paywall has been bandcamp, which is just a necessity in this awful economic system we exist in - i have to try to sell you something, whether i like it or not. but i try to make everything freely available, as i find ways to try to navigate through the contradictions in our day-to-day lives. i want you to pay me, but i don't. it's frustrating for everybody, but it's unavoidable. i mean, the other option is that i get a job (that is, that i sell my labour, instead) and give my art away for free, but that's kind of giving up on life, in my estimation.

what i want is for you to donate. i want grants, i want benefactors - because i want artistic freedom. i have to deal with the vulgarity of market interactions, i have to reduce things to commodities, because i don't truly have the freedom not to. but, i hate that fact, and i want to find creative ways around it.

noise trade was attractive to me for that reason - it allowed me to sort of escape the commodification of the process, and let you decide if you want to throw money at me in support, or just take the end result for free. it was a good compromise, while it lasted.

shortly after i set the site up, it got bought out by paste magazine and shifted it's hosting to the increasingly dominant amazon. the amount of ads has steadily increased, since, to the point that the site is almost unusable. and, now the site has disappeared, leaving me without an option for free dissemination. i initially sought some kind of explanation before acting further, but, after some reflection, have decided that it doesn't matter - i'd rather separate my art from that kind of profit making machinery, anyways. the site has become gross, to me.

you'll note that i don't tend to post to sites that are ad-supported, facebook being the major exception because it's so ubiquitous. but, i do almost all of my posting at blogs that are ad-free. facebook is just a necessary evil. for now. noise trade snuck the ads in on me while i was distracted, and it's time to get away and burn what was and forget it ever existed.

so, i don't know why the site evaporated, but i don't care - i don't want to interact with a site that is supported by invasive ads, anyways. it's a shame, but whatever. death to paste magazine!

i've spent the last few days trying to figure out how to react and have come to the following solutions.

1) the bandcamp site is sill there, but you can't read books on bandcamp the same way you can stream music. i wish you could - that would be the best answer. you can't, for now. so, i need to put the files up somewhere else, as well.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com

2) i want something more interactive than the google drive share, although i'm going to keep this up for the biggest files. these are just the full blogs for the period i was reconstructing:
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1NI_sEi1t9NxTeOB9Es3A2Ge8ji4iTXit?usp=sharing

3) i want a way to buy the whole thing, and don't want the overlap on bandcamp, which will hold strictly to the monthly journal format. that's going to be here, at lulu, where there are no file size restrictions:
https://www.lulu.com/search?contributor=jessica+murray

4) i'm going to use smashwords (which has strict file size and other restrictions) for free hosting of smaller files and make use of the interactive features, but i can't use it as a medium to facilitate donations, at least not until they relax their approach a little. i explain a little about this at the profile page.
https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/deathtokoalas

5) the best way to donate me money is to avoid these kinds of sites, anyways. i like bandcamp for what it is and would encourage you to support it so we don't lose it; i don't want a future of spotifies and google plays, that would kill off independent music. a site like bandcamp must continue to exist. but, if you share my aversion to market economics and want to just be a benefactor then the best thing to do is just send a donation to death.to.koalas@gmail.com, either over paypal or (even better) or interac. this is how i *really* want this to work - you send me money as a grant, and i put the thing up for free.

i will need to spend the next day or two updating these sites as replacements for the deleted noise trade site, and replacing noise trade links with lulu or smashwords links, as is appropriate.

i don't know what happened, but fuck them and their ads anyways.

so, then, this is the official launch of my smashwords site.

expect me to work this out over the day.

=========

these files are actually my biography, ongoing....

i'm going to go with this site for small files, and let you build them up. for now.

what i'm doing with this site is using it as a place to host the files for free download. so, everything here is going to have to be available for free, which is something i want and can't really find elsewhere. i'm forced to deal with the reality of market transactions whether i like it or not, but i don't produce commodities, and don't want to be treated as though i do. what i need and want is a series of artists grants; i want benefactors to donate me funds to work in freedom, i don't want sales of commodities on a market that are treated legally and taxed like products. that's vulgar, to me.

so, the journals should be available for free, and this is where to get them.

however, realize that the decision is admittedly being spurred by the fact that i can't fill out the tax forms because i live in canada and don't have a tin number. maybe, one day, i might find one. note, though, that if i do find one then i'll also have to increase the price at this site to offset the fact that they're going to take 30% out for taxes - because they're going to treat the transaction like they're taxing a commodity that's being traded over a market, which is gross. most other sites operate on more of a donation format, or allow me to decide how to treat the taxes, in the end.

if you want to donate funds to me, please either donate over paypal or interac at death.to.koalas@gmail.com or go to one of the other sites (preferably bandcamp) to do so. you don't have to agree with me philosophically to understand that i just can't fill out the tax forms on this site and consequently won't get paid if you try to send me money through it.

please also be aware that the site is performing what appears to be minor formatting edits, and i actually don't like that. you will have to download the file in pdf, but they are forcing me to upload it in word. i have properly formatted pdf files, but i can't upload them. it's really absolutely perfectly ridiculous. so, if you want to download them unedited, please try either

1) the bandcamp site in the link for the small files (where they are organized as monthly journals):
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com

or

2) the following lulu site, for the big files, where they will be organized in phases or otherwise presented in much larger chunks of time.
https://www.lulu.com/search?contributor=jessica+murray.

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/deathtokoalas

so, i decided this morning (before i fell back asleep....i tend to sleep in 3-4 hour shifts in the summer, and that's fine...) that i'm going to:

(1) see if i can fix the files for the smashwords uploads. if i can't, i'll need to retreat. i don't want broken files available; that's the whole point of what i've been doing for months. but, i think it will be relatively easy, if it just reduces to reformatting the empty white spaces.
(2) remove the pay-what-you-can section from the site, primarily due to the tax issue. due to the various concerns, this does not appear to be a good site to carry out a transaction through. so, the small files will be available at smashwords for free. they were previously available at noise trade for free, so that's not a change.
(3) what is a change is that i'm going to ask you to either go to bandcamp or otherwise just send me money directly through paypal (or over interac) if you want to support me in what i'm doing.

this will allow me to salvage the site.

but, i can't fill out the tax forms, so don't give them money if you want it to actually get to me - it's just going to sit in limbo for who knows how long. go to a site that will actually carry out the transaction. or, just send it right to me.

i'm not sure that his answers are really informed by much of anything, because there's not really any precedent to inform them on - the most substantive part of the interview is him pointing out that the situation is unprecedented.

if there are any rulings from 1917-1919, i don't know how useful they are today.

generally speaking, if you're a worker that feels unsafe then you should call your union rep and if you don't have a union rep then you should call the ministry. in the end, if you decide to push the issue, then it's going to be up to a judge, and that judge is probably going to be making a novel ruling that is subject to challenge at a higher court.

my substantive legal/scientific opinion is that because risks associated with contracting the disease are so low for people of working age, almost all arguments around workplace safety are going to be reducible to hypochondria. but, if you get a certain type of judge, they might be subject to the hypochondria and panic, themselves - and the issue might need to go through a few levels of the system before a correct outcome is come to.

i know that this contradicts a lot of what the government has been saying. i mean, they shut the society down, right? this must be dangerous! no - we overreacted in a ridiculous way, and much of what we did didn't make any sense. 

so, you shouldn't base your judicial expectations on what the government did, because much of what the government did would have probably been overturned by review, if it was available or reasonable or timely.

the facts suggest that it's really just the flu, if you're working age. it really is.

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/hamilton/cbc-asks-labour-law-covid-1.5600567

this is hilarious. and reflective of where we are, as a society, around this.

so, the ottawa public health states what is, in truth, grade school science in it's pamphlet - that when your body defeats a virus, it produces immunity. there's nothing controversial or misleading in the pamphlet; it's really just the most basic science imaginable.

unfortunately, the federal government has produced some at times embarrassingly ignorant, anti-science statements around the topic - statements that are so ill-informed that they should have led to resignations. but, our equally ignorant media just ate it up. it's truly been the blind leading the blind; when nobody knows what they're talking about, nobody has the ability to correct false statements. so, the only thing that matters is authority, whether it's horribly wrong or not.

now, we're all so collectively ignorant, that we've demanded the retraction of basic science from the health unit because it contradicts ignorant statements made by the federal government.

the health unit is right. the feds are wrong. this is....

...this is why i've tuned out. it's just idiots everywhere you turn, and there's no use getting frustrated by it.

so, let's be clear: yes, if you catch the virus and defeat it, you will be immune to it. not for two years. forever. that's basic immunology, and if you don't know that then you should go to the library and read some fucking books. however, the virus might mutate, and if you catch a mutated strain then you might have to fight it off again.

do you understand or do you want me to draw you a picture?

https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/health-unit-backtracks-after-misleading-covid-19-immunity-advice-1.5602009

i'm in an impossible situation with the smoke.

i'm pretty sure the smoke is coming from upstairs, mostly, but i've had mixed results with the windows open; sometimes, it seems like it's clearing the shit from upstairs out, and sometimes it seems like it's letting shit in.

but, if i close the window, it's going to get cold and dry in here, which is the worst.

it actually hasn't been that humid here recently. it's been hot, finally, but it's more of a dry heat. i prefer a humid heat to a dry one, myself. so, i'm not getting the turn over i really want, it's kind of just more like i've got the heat on to try to overpower the a/c.

but, my basic choice appears to be that i can close the window and suffer through the a/c or open the window and cough at the smokers on the street, which is as shitty an option as there could be. i think i hate smokers less than i hate air conditioning. which says something about how much i hate air conditioning....

i'm not sure if that's actually rigorous, though. i mean, i'm not going to swear on the directionality of my sense of smell. and, more often than not, it seems like the smoke is coming from upstairs, anyways.

i need to be clear: i've actually never seen anybody smoking anywhere near my window, in this unit. i'm pretty sure that the neighbours directly outside the window smoke, but i've never seen them outside smoking and i've seen at most two or three butts in what now amounts to almost two years. every time i've gone outside, i haven't smelled anything. i have no evidence that they're the cause of anything. in fact, they're exceedingly quiet, and i'm not sure if they're even home, or have been home for weeks.

the neighbours on the other side smoke rather heavily and the mom seems to be a "medicinal" marijuana addict. there's a family living there, at least part time, and she seems to have gotten the kids smoking at a young age. but, i'm also not sure if they're even home, and i've mostly avoided them by keeping the windows on that side of the house shut.

i suppose it's possible that what i think is coming from upstairs is actually coming from the other side, but i don't think that's actually true. while i might catch them out smoking sometimes, it's actually infrequent, and they tend to smoke in the back, on the far side. what i'm experiencing this weekend is relatively constant, and i don't think it's them.

there are heavy smokers across the street that are visible and noticeable, but they're up a hill and a ways away and it doesn't make sense to think it's seeping down in this direction. we don't get shit shinooks. the hill just isn't big enough.

so, if i could figure it out, right? if you could tell me who to yell at, i'd yell at them. but, the reality seems to be that it's somebody upstairs, and they just lie about it when confronted, so what's the point?

all i can do is clean more frequently, keep an eye out for slips i might capitalize on and otherwise wait for subsidized housing to call.

i've slept on it.

and, i can't salvage the smashwords process, after all.

the idea is that i want an option for you to pay me if you want. you don't have to; it's voluntary. it's more important to me that the files are there than that you pay me for them. but, i want the option to be there....

with this site, there's just too many problems.

even if you were to pay me, i wouldn't get it, because i can't fill out the forms. i've been kind of rationalizing my way through that; i'll figure it out. but, in truth, i probably won't.

then, i've got to boost the price by 30% to offset the taxes that are preventing the funds from flowing in the first place.

then, i've got to deal with the fact that the file are broken, which i might or might not be able to fix, but that i've decided isn't worth trying to resolve.

so, what next? i know i've been over this, but i'm still trying to clarify it in my mind, and the fact that that fucking pig upstairs is smoking isn't helping.

my options are:

1) just leave the small files at the bandcamp music journals, which i've boosted in price mildly to $4/pop. that makes the big files available for free at google drive, and the small files available at bandcamp.
2) also upload the small files to...

no.

i'm going to try to fix it first, dammit. maybe it works. maybe it doesn't.

i'm wishy-washy on this because i really don't like either choice.

let me take a shower and hope the air clears out a little in here when i get back. it's been fucking gross in here all weekend.

no, i've pointed this out before - one of the most important things i learned from my brief stint studying law was just how daunting the deficit of scientific literacy in the law actually is, and how often judges are asked to rule on issues that they haven't the slightest training to rule on.

it's a huge problem.

we should be focusing less on eliminating mens rea, like a bunch of backwards dark age zealots, and more on increasing scientific literacy on the prosecutors' bench.

people often act against their will, and there's massive amounts of science backing it up. we often react on reflex, before we even think, and there's often little that could have been done to reverse it. the drugs are an extreme case, but they fit the definition - these people need treatment, not punishment.

an enlightened state would understand that, not resort to base consequentialism and the evocation of biblical literalism and fire and brimstone, as it seeks to punish the evildoers.

i'm not a fatalist. i generally refer to the primacy of free will, as best we understand it. but, it seems to be a common scenario that the judiciary is forced to rule on how somebody behaves in a split-second where they essentially have no meaningful control over what they actually do - because their endocrine systems take over, or it's just an autonomous reaction.

there needs to be an increased understanding of this as we seek more enlightened solutions, not a reversion to judaic retribution or an embrace of barbarism or backwardsness.

there's a branch of feminism out there that masquerades on the left but that is really just another form of abrahamic zealotry, and it needs to be resisted just as strenuously as any other form of abrahamic zealotry.

the court may actually be getting the science here right, for once.

there's no value in punishing somebody for something they don't remember doing, or otherwise didn't do intentionally. that's why intent is such an important part of our legal system. and, it's frankly rather worrying to see the crown try to move away from what is a foundational principle of british law, in favour of a stricter form of retributive judeo-muslim punishment.

it's not a question of women's rights, it's a question of basic science.

but, this is consistent with the direction the country is heading in, isn't it? we're increasingly discarding empirical science in favour of judaic religious assumptions.

we're going to need the court to push back on this - and that is not inspiring, as while the court has generally been more liberal than the parliament (which is good.), it has also generally gotten the science wrong (which is very bad).

we can't be taking mens rea out of the law, and we should be moving immediately to put a hard stop on anybody trying to do so.

https://ottawacitizen.com/news/canada/crown-wants-to-fight-controversial-extreme-intoxication-defence-ruling/wcm/8146b96d-83af-4e27-8dc9-81eb9b1b90e5/