i had to get some groceries done and to clean the apartment up but i'm going to need to flash this board over the weekend.

i've been able to boot my backup pIII 500 into xp if i have to use it in the short run. i could also finally build my 64 bit pc. but i don't want to lose the 32-bit tower and will need to replace the board if i can't fix it.

i'm pissed off, but so be it.

i am still redesigning my network and there is a large list of things i will need to do before i can regain some semblance of normality and get back to work. my new year's resolution was made with honest intent and in good faith, but i have not been able to follow thtough. 

there is going to be a series of new blogs coming relatively shortly, and this blog will be reserved strictly for political analysis. but, i've been unable to do function in any sense whatsoever while i've been fighting with my hormones, as it has required me to spend all of my waking time cleaning myself and eating. if the drugging is at least over, i can hopefully get back to doing something shortly.

for right now, i need to clean the apartment and focus on trying to save my main pc so that i know if i can or not. this is a dominant priority, and i will need to prioritize replacing it with a comparable board if i can't flash it back to health.

authorizing the use of long range missiles from ukraine is insane and merely demonstrates that putin was right.

biden has always been a foreign policy dunce and he needs to be removed from office by any means possible asap before he stumbles the planet into world war three.

trump is the harmless idiot. biden is the dangerous buffoon.

https://apnews.com/article/russia-ships-caribbean-ukraine-b43c5b448f5803e2c8c1466e4ad7516d

while i think that netanyahu is right and biden is wrong, israel needs to understand that the united states does not allow for dissent and that disobeying orders is certain to have catastrophic outcomes.

the united states does not want a hot war with iran because it knows it will draw the russians in. yet, netanyahu is correct in realizing that it's position is existential. further, biden's position is stupid; the israeli alliance is of extreme importance to the united states, and the saudis will never be able to replace it, as they are both unreliable and backwards.

i did not endorse biden because i worried that his foreign policy would be catastrophic, and i was right.

israel needs to stall until october.

i'm unfortunately on the brink of endorsing trump because his foreign policy is to the left of biden's.

i'm not being dramatic.

i've been the victim of at least a year's worth of brutal torture. in fact, i think this has been going on for longer than a year.

i'm realizing that i am going to need to talk to somebody to help me process this torture.

https://web.archive.org/web/20210107053543/https://irct.org/media-and-resources/latest-news/article/1027

“Justin’s like a captain of a hockey team; he’s not the manager of it; he’s not the owner of it,” - justin trudeau's half brother, from his obviously very right-wing mother

this is a very canadian statement.

it's also something that canadians should be analyzing very carefully because it is both true and very problematic. our prime minister should not be like the captain of the hockey team, whose role is to increase morale and self-confidence; he or she should be the manager of it. this is a clearly stated true statement that effectively summarizes what is wrong with our democracy.

it's actually quiet here on a friday and i'm happy about it. 

i'm realizing that i'm having difficulty ascertaining whether i'm remembering things or hearing them. i have an appointment booked with my gp about talking about ptsd. but, i think the drugging has stopped, thankfully.

the last month or two, i've been fighting off a psychotherapist that is trying to do some kind of conversion therapy on me. this sounds stupid on it's face, and obvious pseudo-science a priori, but there is a history of freudian (and probably lacanian...) pseudo-science being applied to queer people to try to "cure" them. that is what is apparently going on and i'm realizing it's been the purpose of the drugging the whole time.

i've been yelling at this person for months to fuck off. i think i finally got through to them this week. but they may also be hiding. i can't tell.

as mentioned previously, the idea that they're going to change my gender identity via psychotherapy is moronically idiotic on it's face, but it was predictable that trying to do so would trigger my ptsd, and that is exactly what has happened. while there is no possibility that their "therapy" will have any actual effect, i am slowly coming to the realization that i'm going to need actual real therapy to help me recover from the trauma that's been inflicted on me.