http://dsdfghghfsdflgkfgkja.blogspot.com/2013/12/we-need-less-anarchist-writing-by.html

what if it's the drug addict below me that is moving out?

i don't know if the situation is salvageable. it would be a step in the right direction.

four rooms is actually a little better, as it lets me have the following:

1) studio
2) bedroom
3) eating space
4) library (+ cd library)

in the last space, i was planning around building book shelves in the bedroom & cd shelves in the eating space. i was planning on putting all of the shelving, here, in the bedroom.

the four rooms are all smallish, but it will work out fine if you keep that in mind...

and, while i don't smoke a lot of pot, it would be nice to have a patio space out back for once in a while :)

don't misunderstand me. the place is kind of dilapidated. creaky. old. i'm sure there are various things living in it. the bath tub is ancient. the water might not be great. it may be drafty. and, everything about it will require some effort.

but, what i need is a relatively big smoke-free space at a price i can afford, and that is this.

yeah.

i'm not leaving the apartment unattended all day, and advertising it to them. i'm not even sure they'll obey a court ruling.

i'll play the angle that i gave them previous notice of cancelling the hearing, and am consequently giving them the opportunity to reschedule this case or force me to open a new one. and, i'll put in a request to reschedule without them, either way.

the worst thing that could happen would be for the judge to end the lease on the first of august, but

1) i can appeal that &
2) i hope to be out by the first, anyways.

it will also allow me to present more concrete moving costs. i did this backwards last time: i moved a bunch of stuff by truck, and the rest by hand. we'll do this the other way this time.

if i have sufficient time to do it in, and the distance is short enough, it will only be a couple of items i won't be able to move by hand: a couch, a dresser, a desk. i could maybe even put up an ad on kijiji for somebody with a truck, looking for a good deed. or, maybe a moving company will accept the sob story and do it on their lunch break: it will probably literally take 20 minutes.

i think the guy over-charged me last time, because he sent the bill to the city. maybe he'll be willing to balance it out...

it's the moving costs i'm trying the hardest to recoup.

my landlord just put a unit in this building up.

there's furniture that is not mine outside, so it might not be my unit. or it might be.

it's got me kind of antsy...

i'm thinking that we're going to have to skip the middle option, at this point, because i don't really want to leave the unit unattended all day on the 5th if i'm not certain i'm moving out. i'm not even happy about it on the case of certainty - i would rather get out first and sue them after.

the place is shady, all around.

so, i'm just going to give them the opportunity to reschedule outright. if they refuse to do that, the court will be within it's bounds to hear the case as i present it - but i'll also be within my rights to cancel and reschedule unilaterally.

that place was actually acceptable, but i think i got brushed off a little bit. the ad says 825 + hydro. she's claiming it's 825 + utilities, generally.

i wouldn't have gone at all if i knew that. but, why would the ad say 825 + hydro if it's 825 + utilities?

so, she says she'll check and call back. there's some chance she might be wrong, fair enough. so, she has until 8:00 before i call her...

i can be a bit annoying when i want something done :).

there's three stores on the bottom floor and an empty dance club for lease next door. it's four equally sized rooms, and a patio on the roof in the back. kinda perfect, all around.

if it's that easy, great. and we'll be in court on the 5th. we'll find out in a few hours.

i don't have issues with depression, but i do have issues with solipsism, and living in constant drug abuse certainly isn't going to help me with that. i'm actually at high risk for marijuana-induced dementia, because i'm already in the spectrum. my mom has severe mental issues, of the type that probably are genetic. and, ive been through a few episodes...

so, at risk of sounding like i'm under the influence of this drug (and i am.) let me state that, on the remote chance that i'm being experimented on, these negative effects are a consequence of dose.

all that's happening is that i'm falling asleep. i'm not even getting high. i'm just become immobile.

i don't want a drug that's going to "chill me out". i enjoy wild mood swings - it's a part of existence. but, if i don't have a choice for as long as i'm here then please reduce the dosage.

knocked me out again this morning...

what if this blog never ends?

i'll go back to studying math solely on the condition of becoming immortal, first.

until then, it's just too much. i'd want to start from the beginning and rewrite everything; it's an impossible field to come to any kind of satisfying result in - you're just guaranteed of dying as a failure.

sure: i could restrict my ambitions. that's not me.

how likely is immortality, though? i'm currently betting against it, but conditions on the ground could change.

i actually don't tend to measure people's worth by their intelligence.

i mean, say what you want about me, but i do very well on aptitude tests - meaning i fit the definition of a very smart person. i consistently score in the highest percentiles.

so, if i was going around attacking everybody for being fucking idiots, which is always relative, i'd have to spend all my time in my room by myself typing on the internet.

i want to evaluate people on their levels of altruism - on their kindness, on their politics, on their broad viewpoints and world view.

i've stated this repeatedly: i'd rather spend time with a virtuous idiot than with a conniving genius. and, i'm consequently more likely to fall in love with a simple peasant boy or girl with a big heart in the right place than i am with a wealthy tyrant that's clawed their way to the top through lies and manipulation.

i don't deny being a nerd, and never have. i actually take pride in it...

and, i've always tried to exist in circles defined by nerds and losers, too; i've always tried to avoid the in-crowd.

so, the part that doesn't make sense is the idea that i ever was or ever wanted to be 'cool'.

i just don't know why anybody would have thought i'd want to define myself as 'edgy' in the first place.

i've always been a quiet, introverted, bookish nerd that likes various spins on abstract rock music. that's about the literal definition of anti-edgy.

i mean, it's not like i was every really buff or anything.

i was skinny and lanky in 1992.

i was skinny and lanky in 2002.

i was skinny and lanky in 2012.

i'll probably be skinny and lanky in 2022, too.

i may have been a little bit skinnier in 2010 than i was in 2002, but my hair and clothing and general fashion decisions were essentially unchanged.

but, that's a pretty shallow perception that is frankly reflective of low intelligence, anyways.

i've been having difficulty staying awake the last 36 hours, which is no doubt a combination of the rain and the pot. i slept through her blaze this evening and woke up to a remnant smell around midnight, and with a splitting headache.

the showing yesterday was another ashtray of a house - a laundry room that smelled horribly of stale tobacco, and a lawn littered with discarded butts. just fucking gross...if the guy didn't catch me immediately, i would have walked right by without even bothering to go in.

there's something tomorrow. it's a bit bigger than i might need, and a bit more than i might like, but there's some upsides: great location, right downtown, and on top of a storefront, so probably minimal smoke issues.

it's for july, though. and, i'm not going to be ready to move until august 1st at the earliest. so, it;s just to see it.

at least it's going to be nice this weekend, but i plan on staying in. i need to save money. i need to catch up on work. the stress has been hard on my skin. and, i'm not in a good mood right now, overall.

he could be legitimately embarrassed by it.

https://nationalpost.com/opinion/andrew-coyne-the-prime-minister-has-to-say-something-about-groping-accusation-and-yet-what-can-he-say

so, as is well known in canada, the author of the handmaid's tale is a longstanding canadian icon, a cultural hero, a person that was studied heavily at every level of canadian academic literature years before they made a tv show out of a book that she won literary awards for in the 80s.

going to school in canada in the 90s and 00s, the quintessential canadian experience was to read atwood and listen to the hip. and, we claimed her and understood her and analyzed her on this level of being inherently canadian, unlike some other authors or entertainers that just happened to be canadian. so, naomi klein is a writer from canada. but, margaret atwood is a canadian author.

and, that means that being canadian implies you know a few things about her, one of them being that she's an open red tory - what you would call a "liberal republican" in the united states. pushing back against themes explored by atwood has become an undergraduate ritual by young canadian socialists in the english department. we'll have to see if that lasts or not.

if you actually read the book (have you read the book? it won awards, you know. i read it in a second year english course at a university in ottawa.), you'll note that she frequently connects the idea of women's liberation to women's economic freedom. to atwood, women are most free when they can participate as equals in the market. of all of the great ills in this dystopia, which is a projection of the consequences of america having an iranian-like christian revolution and features very heavy-handed islamic imagery that would border on "islamophobia" in today's discourse, it is the abolition of currency that has the most deleterious effect. "offred" reacts most negatively to the repression of her homo economicus, and her reduction to a reproductive vessel that lacks the economic freedom to make choices for herself.

so, she tries to escape to canada, where they still have these magical abstractions called free markets.

well, read the book, if you don't believe me.