and, hey...

we can always retaliate by decreasing exports right?

that would be even better!

if enbridge will not follow the law in michigan, the state should nationalize the property - without compensation.

i'm working on a giant post...

i called the gastro-enterologist, and he entirely discounted the premise of deductive thought, in context. "but, i checked for everything else and..."

"IRRELEVANT!"

listen - i appreciate the flair, as highly illogical as it may be. i'm italian; i don't mind getting yelled at. in fact, sometimes it's actually more effective.

while he may have been exaggerating slightly (that is, i don't think it's irrelevant), i get the point - these tests i'm asking for are useful as hints to help figure out what to do next, but they don't prove or disprove anything, in the end.

he let me know that the ministry direction is that i should get a full scope immediately, and that opinion is fully noted. however, i think the ministry direction is wrong, and that healthy 40 year-olds shouldn't be getting scoped due to one piece of data, when there's 100 others that suggest otherwise; the ministry direction should be to get me a fit test as quickly as possible, not to try to coerce me into an unnecessary and potentially damaging scope by refusing to pay for it.

that's fine; i don't have anything else to do this month, i can pay out of pocket.

however, i did not get paid today, and will need to wait until monday.

i feel fine...

again: i'm on the side of the americans with this. i don't eat beef, but i know that safety regulations around things like hormones are much stricter in canada and that, as a canadian, i would like to know that my meat is not being imported from the united states, if i were eating it.

and, it's something that american consumers should think about, as well. if i lived in the united states and i did eat meat, i would want to purchase that meat from countries with stronger levels of industry regulations than exist in the united states.

but, as i don't eat beef, i should be clear that i'd also be in support of anything that would reduce the total amount of beef being raised and exported from canada, due to broad climate concerns and general ethical reasons. the cattle industry will find no solidarity from me - shut them down. great...

https://www.cbc.ca/news/business/canada-america-beef-labelling-1.6036918

and, yes, that's all blixa, in a certain sense.

so, today's post is inri060, which is the first fully post-rabit release (although a few loose ends will trickle through...) and also features my first recorded vocal track in almost two years.

after starting hormones in may, i was going through somewhat of an identity crisis and that's really what the track documents, although i'm being obscure about it for good reason - this is a period of my life i'd rather not fully document. let there be somewhat of a black hole here in the historical record. what i'll say is that i was experimenting with a few things, both chemically and sexually, and in the end took away from it what i needed to take away from it, which is that i made the correct choice to transition into a female identity.

it's one thing to transition as a child, and it's another to transition as a full adult that's lived a life in the gender assigned to their birth sex, and it's another altogether to try to transition as an actual, literal virgin (i'd never even held anybody's hand, or even experienced the rejection of being turned down, because i'd never asked. i was a 100%, complete, total, utter virgin in every conceivable way imaginable.) in your early 20s - that's the period that people spend experimenting with their sexual orientation, and with their identities more broadly, to try to figure it out. 

i don't "believe" that people are assigned gender identities or sexual orientations at birth, in some kind of conceptionist/creationist/religionist process that fixes who we are for the rest of our lives. in fact, the science rejects that hypothesis, despite what you may have heard otherwise (mostly from lawyers). i "believe" that sexual orientation and gender identity are fluid processes that change dramatically over the lifespan of an individual, and are brought on by a culmination of experience and individual choice - which is what the science actually says on the topic. as i am an evangelical atheist, i simply don't care what religious authorities think about this, or have the remotest interest in their enforced concepts of morality around the issue (to the point that i will actively try to convince them that their religion is wrong about this, and they should apostatize and repent over it), which is the actual basis of the existing fake left legal regime around the issue - what i do "believe" is that people ought to be free to make their own choices regarding their orientation and identity, and if the religious authorities or general society doesn't like those choices then they can fuck off, and circle jerk at home. as a queer person, i just don't fucking care. at all.

i don't want to fit in or be normal, anyways.

so, i think people should experiment with who they are and draw conclusions from the experiments they do, rather than base who they are on some theory written in some book, and that is what this is really all about.

this kind of scientific imagery is omnipresent in my work during this period, but this is the only vocal part recorded during the period that really explores the themes i was imagining, and that's something i've largely chosen not to develop fully as i've completed my recordings over this period. 

you can hear a phone call in the end of the third track (developed fully as inri061) that snaps me out of it, at least for a little while. but, these themes of exploring experimentation around sexual orientation and gender identity would continue on for a few years, if perhaps never quite so explicitly.

====

this is two conceptually linked outtakes from mid 2002 that document an event that i'm going to be vague and obscure about. 

written in august, 2002. track one was remixed in december, 2014 to turn the rest of the track up relative to the vocals. released on dec 12, 2014. disc finalized on nov 14, 2017. as always, please use headphones. 

the lead track appears without vocals on my seventh record, ftaa (inri079): jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/ftaa 

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (2002, 2014, 2017).

released august 31, 2002 

j - guitar, effects, bass, drum sampling, drum and other programming, digital wave editing, vocals