while my hair is now long enough to be presentable (while still too short), i'm not going to get out to detroit this weekend and will likely be stuck inside most of the summer.

i thought the people stalking me moved out on may 1st, but they didn't. that narrows it down, seriously, to the actual owners or some members of my family, which may include my mother, my sister and my aunt. i have a hearing on may 27th that i expect to win. there are further hearings scheduled in june, september and october about complaints i've made. i will want to wait to see if there's a turnover on june 1st, but i will need to either move or have the property sold and the locks changed before i'm comfortable going out, and even that could be a while. i've been stalked, and the stalker wants to steal my gear. there's no guarantee that moving will throw the stalker off.

i wanted 2020 to be my blowout year; i've now missed several years, and it might be too late, unfortunately. i'm getting a little old, now.

people didn't used to believe i was almost 40. i'm now almost 45, and it's a little more apparent. i don't want to be obviously too old to go out dancing or be told i'm too old to get in. i can do that filter on myself.

so, i can't go out because some pathetic people will steal my belongings if i do, and i'm really sad and angry about it but it's reality.

i don't know exactly what's going on, but i think the stalkers upstairs are reading posts to this site and i have to be as clear as i can that there is no possibility that i'm going to have children. this seems to be a primary motive; somebody, apparently a family member or family members, wants me to breed.

it's ultimately the unwanted children themselves that suffer the most from being unwanted, and i don't want to create another unwanted child in this world. i'm not remotely interested in taking care of a child. i don't want the responsibility and i would not take any pleasure or gain any joy from it. all that a shit machine means to me is a form of slavery forcing me into unwanted labour in order to pay for them.

i successfully avoided making that mistake in the early part of my life. i'm 43 years old, now. now that i'm older and smarter, i'm not about to make that mistake, now.

these people don't seem to care much about science, so they don't want to listen to the fact that i'm castrated and unable to breed. i did not save sperm because i didn't want children.

the only way i could "start a family" is to adopt, and i have infinitely less interest in being enslaved to a stranger's mistake, after having avoided creating a mistake of my own.

this is very stupid and unhelpful. i do not want children and would not be a good parent because i don't wat children. that mistake would end up neglected and ignored and unwanted like a million others, including myself. 

my mind is not going to change; i made this decision when i was young and i've never considered revisiting it. i have always known i would never breed, and have never remotely wanted to.

i have better and more important things to do than waste my life raising children.