the second test had trace ketones in urine. i had blood ketones tested, but the results are not in yet. the results of urine cortisol also have not come in yet.

these are my normal testosterone results:

clearly, testing at 1.1 is anomalous.

the orchiectomy was in the summer of 2021.

interestingly, anabolic steroids are often distributed as an acetate, which would show up in urine as a ketone.

however, anabolic steroids are not water soluble. they are fat soluble and soluble in alcohol. they would be soluble in vinegar.

i should be able to identify if somebody put steroid pills in my juice or milk, as it should separate out (like oil and vinegar). it would potentially be harder to identify in the salad dressing, the margarine or the hot sauce.

i put heaping amounts of hot sauce on almost everything.

i don't think this is how they're doing it, but i have to be rigorous about this.

the next few meals are going to need to be things that they couldn't have spiked. things they could have spiked are

- open juice

- open soy milk

- open salad dressing

- open frank's

they couldn't have spiked things like fruit, eggs or cheese. so, it makes sense to have bacon and eggs this morning and take it from there.

i need to document this somewhere as i'm doing it.

over the next few days, i need to come to a clear answer on whether i'm being drugged via food, via injection, via smoke or some combination of them. specifically, i need to figure out whether there's testosterone in my food or not. then i need to make a choice and act on it.

what i learned from that pdf document is that orally administered steroids take a while to digest. you couldn't drop steroids in somebody's drink and expect it to effect them that night. it needs to go through their system, and most absorption occurs in the colon. this is probably why i'm experiencing the effects right before i need to shit.

conversely, the female and male-blocking hormones i'm taking voluntarily are absorbed extremely fast, via the stomach, and at peak within a few hours.

there's a caveat i need to introduce, which is that my metabolism is bizarrely fast, unless i slow it down with tums, which i have been doing lately. i can push something out within 12 hours. on top of that, my diet is extremely high in fibre, which speeds it up that much more. in fact, i need to take a shit right now.

back.

that was the pasta that i ate half of about 15 hours ago and the rest of less than 6 hours ago, and i think it was mostly from the latter because it's not the first of it. i know it's the most recent pasta meal because i already shit the last thing i ate, the quinoa, out in one massively epic rock hard three foot log that may have mildly torn on the way out and threatened to clog, but did push it's way through after the third flush. it's really that fast - less than 24 hours, unless i'm unusually constipated. i eat these giant meals and don't gain any weight. when it's really fibre based, it just rips through; i'll shit out a family-sized serving bowl worth of salad in 5 or 6 hours. this is probably the actual reason i can't build iron stores, because my metabolism is too fucking fast to absorb anything properly.

that means that what is in my colon is mostly food i ate in the last day or two, max, and probably food i've eaten in the last 12 hours. it's not as fast as the pills i take voluntarily, but it's unusually fast for digestion. it's fast enough to test. i may have to argue this point, but i had a cancer scare a few years ago, and i documented this pretty thoroughly. i have to be really, really constipated to hold on to any meal at all for more than two days, and that's why my bmi is in the 19-20 range, despite eating like a queen. i couldn't gain weight if i wanted to (thankfully, i don't want to).

this is what i did:

- i finished eating around 20:00. it was the last bit of pasta and a couple of pieces of toasted italian bread. after eating the garlic cheese buns, i ate through the baguette and mostly ate the white bread with pb and jam and plum butter. i still have the loaf of italian bread, a loaf of whole wheat bread and a loaf of flax/quinoa bread i bought myself.

- i took a giant shit a few hours ago that cleared out the most recent pasta (it was after the giant quinoa shit). i just pushed out whatever was left as i was typing this.

- a few hours later, i doubled up on all of my hormones all at once - t-blockers, estrogen and progesterone. this is a lot of everything. my doctor would scream at me, but my liver and kidneys are testing ok, and i had to do this to test. this is intended to just overwhelm my system, and it might make me a little sick, but that's ok.

- i then masturbated, which i almost never do. it'd been about four months. ish. i don't like to masturbate because it's male performative. i won't get into the details, but i masturbate in a way that minimizes the male performative aspect as much as possible. it's actually fairly female performative. i cannot generally get erect at all, let alone maintain an erection, and masturbating is sort of weird for that reason. i have to kind of rub up against a mostly limp appendage. i don't usually ejaculate anything out when it's done and the fact that i did tonight is further proof that i've recently been drugged. anything i might do to negate this aside, the reality is that my anatomy is what it is and it's impossible to get around the male performative component, so i'd rather just avoid it altogether. when my testosterone is properly suppressed, i can and have gone months and months, perhaps years (i didn't keep track) without masturbation, but i have been drugged recently and i had to face the cold reality that, because i've been repeatedly drugged and haven't ejaculated in months, anything clogging up my system would be contributing to the problem, in terms of experiential effects. i did this to clear my system out. it should both make me feel better and help isolate sources, for testing. now that i'm completely cleared out, my body should have a difficult time generating anything further, unless i'm drugged again. 

- now, i need to be clear about this. when they removed my testicles, they removed both my sperm cells and my vas deferens, so i'm physically incapable of generating or ejecting any kind of sperm at all. however, i do still have a prostate and i do still have various tubes and ducts like the seminal vesicle that create the non-sperm parts of semen, like the lubricating fluid. what came out would actually be mostly sugar, and a bit of protein. once again, when my testosterone is properly suppressed, my body does not produce this fluid, either. however, i've been repeatedly drugged, and there was some fluid in my ducts for that reason. it's more proof that i've been drugged. i got that out of there, and it should make a positive difference.

- if i don't get drugged again, it should take months for this fluid to build back up to any substantive level, if it even does at all. if it builds back up quickly, it's evidence that the source of testosterone i'm being drugged with is in the air or in my food.

- i'm going to avoid eating for a while and see what happens.

i'm essentially clearing myself out as much as i can, radically shocking my system with a massive female hormone bath and then seeing what happens. do symptoms cease, indicating i got it out and they'll have to get in here to drug me again? or do they continue, indicating it's in my food, or that i'm breathing it in?

for tonight, i'm going to try to clean up and finally get my hair dyed. the massive flush of estrogen will have other, beneficial side effects, as well.

if i notice continued symptoms of forced drugging, i will get to the lab on tuesday or wednesday. otherwise, i'm going to need to wait until what i just shocked my system with comes down a little.