audio permanently closed for inri006.
==
the christmas of 1997 was a good one. in addition to getting a
four-track recorder to multitrack with, i also ended up with a jx-8p for
my birthday, which is in early january. now that i could use the
computer a little bit, i decided that i was finally ready to do some
serious recording.
i had committed myself to reapproaching the first demo tapes and
rerecording certain tracks to reflect the uplift that they got from the
drum machine; that is, i had already dramatically rewritten most of the
tracks around the drum machine, so i felt i should rerecord them. now, i
was going to need to uplift some of those tracks a second time with
synthesizer parts. i knew which tracks i wanted to approach and how, but
i wanted to ease myself in a little. so, i picked a new track as my
first synthesizer experiment.
that is a large part of what this track is. i had the lyrics
pre-written, actually, and knew that i wanted a spooky kind of
atmosphere to the track. so, i was approaching the synth with the
question of how to manipulate it into sounding "haunted". that may seem
trivial, but please realize that i had never seen an actual synthesizer
before - i'd just always used the presets on my sister's electronic
piano. it was a small victory to get the patch by increasing the sustain
on the preset, but it was a hard-fought battle.
after i got the track mixed down through the 4-track and mastered into
the pc by sending the signal into the back of the soundblaster, some
listening had me wishing that i had slowed the tape down a little. the
track is a kind of a child's understanding of the existential, which i
just felt would be more aesthetically in balance if i slowed the tape
down and made it seem a bit more mournful. so, i wanted to go back and
remaster it with the speed set a little slower.
i decided i should test it by slowing the track down digitally, first.
what i was trying to do was get an estimate to use to remaster it at a
different speed. i took a guess on half-speed to try and was going to
incrementally reduce the reduction through trial and error until i got
to a good point. then, i could set the tape speed by ear. i did not go
through that process; i stopped at half-speed. for several weeks in
1998, the half-speed version was the final product for the track. i
believe i even uploaded it to mp3.com slowed down this way.
i just instantly stopped at half-speed because, while the effect was
more exaggerated than intended, that exaggeration was to greater effect
than i imagined. i wasn't expecting the guitars to get that grungy, or
the vocals to get that deep. when i heard it, though, i knew that this
was the track.
in the end, i reverted back to the normal speed version, but this was
done with much internal division. the reason that this is the last track
on the demo is because i was holding out for space for the lengthier
version. it was only due to a combination of space requirements and pull
for conformity of sound through the demo that had me relent at the very
end.
in hindsight, i do think that the short version fits better on the flow
of the cd, and it will remain there - minus the vocals. yet, i also
think that this slowed down version deserves it's own document. i've
slowed down two other versions of the track, as well, to drag out the
fun. the album version closes this collection.
originally
created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reconstructed
in the summer of 2015 and then manipulated further in the summer of
2016. released & finalized on july 7, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
this release is compiled on inriℵ0.
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri-box-set
this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also
eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all
phases of production (1997, 2013, 2016).
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, synths, drum programming, vocals, digital wave manipulation, production
released january 22, 1998
Thursday, July 7, 2016
publishing useless (inri006)
inri006.
this is totally self-indulgent, but so long as i'm generating releases with wanton disregard, i figured i'd might as well.
when i mixed this track in 1998, i was drawn to the idea of slowing it down. i reversed that decision for the sake of the flow of the record, which turned out to be very synth-pop. but, i always wanted to release the track tuned down like this.
i've had this slow version sitting on my hard drive, waiting for a use, since 1998. in mono. i've listened to it over this period. it's truly the better embodiment of the piece. the absurdity is more powerful.
i've put together an ep consisting of three valium mixes and the instrumental mix that will end up on the record. remember: this is how i always wanted to release this track.
===
the christmas of 1997 was a good one. in addition to getting a four-track recorder to multitrack with, i also ended up with a jx-8p for my birthday, which is in early january. now that i could use the computer a little bit, i decided that i was finally ready to do some serious recording.
i had committed myself to reapproaching the first demo tapes and rerecording certain tracks to reflect the uplift that they got from the drum machine; that is, i had already dramatically rewritten most of the tracks around the drum machine, so i felt i should rerecord them. now, i was going to need to uplift some of those tracks a second time with synthesizer parts. i knew which tracks i wanted to approach and how, but i wanted to ease myself in a little. so, i picked a new track as my first synthesizer experiment.
that is a large part of what this track is. i had the lyrics pre-written, actually, and knew that i wanted a spooky kind of atmosphere to the track. so, i was approaching the synth with the question of how to manipulate it into sounding "haunted". that may seem trivial, but please realize that i had never seen an actual synthesizer before - i'd just always used the presets on my sister's electronic piano. it was a small victory to get the patch by increasing the sustain on the preset, but it was a hard-fought battle.
after i got the track mixed down through the 4-track and mastered into the pc by sending the signal into the back of the soundblaster, some listening had me wishing that i had slowed the tape down a little. the track is a kind of a child's understanding of the existential, which i just felt would be more aesthetically in balance if i slowed the tape down and made it seem a bit more mournful. so, i wanted to go back and remaster it with the speed set a little slower.
i decided i should test it by slowing the track down digitally, first. what i was trying to do was get an estimate to use to remaster it at a different speed. i took a guess on half-speed to try and was going to incrementally reduce the reduction through trial and error until i got to a good point. then, i could set the tape speed by ear. i did not go through that process; i stopped at half-speed. for several weeks in 1998, the half-speed version was the final product for the track. i believe i even uploaded it to mp3.com slowed down this way.
i just instantly stopped at half-speed because, while the effect was more exaggerated than intended, that exaggeration was to greater effect than i imagined. i wasn't expecting the guitars to get that grungy, or the vocals to get that deep. when i heard it, though, i knew that this was the track.
in the end, i reverted back to the normal speed version, but this was done with much internal division. the reason that this is the last track on the demo is because i was holding out for space for the lengthier version. it was only due to a combination of space requirements and pull for conformity of sound through the demo that had me relent at the very end.
in hindsight, i do think that the short version fits better on the flow of the cd, and it will remain there - minus the vocals. yet, i also think that this slowed down version deserves it's own document. i've slowed down two other versions of the track, as well, to drag out the fun. the album version closes this collection.
originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reconstructed in the summer of 2015 and then manipulated further in the summer of 2016. released on july 7, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
this release is compiled on inriℵ0.
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri-box-set
this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 2013, 2016).
credits
j - guitars, effects, bass, synths, drum programming, vocals, digital wave manipulation, production
released january 22, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/useless
1) this is the original version slowed down to half speed. created on jan 21, 1998. converted to stereo on sept 24, 2014.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/useless-valium-2
2) originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. slowed down and run through a click reducer on july 7, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/useless-valium-from-2013-remaster
3) recorded in jan, 1998. reclaimed june 29, 2015. remixed july 2, 2015. slowed down july 7, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/use-value-is-somewhat-difficult-to-define-in-the-human-propensity-towards-artistic-expression-slowed-down
4) recorded in jan, 1998. reclaimed june 29, 2015. remixed july 2, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/use-value-is-somewhat-difficult-to-define-in-the-human-propensity-towards-artistic-expression-2
5) kind of a new wave / synth pop track. this is the first track with my new synth on it. that's a large part of what the track is. recorded in jan, 1998. sped-up on july 7, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/useless-valium-sped-up-2
6) deleted 2013 remaster of 1998 demo cd. originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/useless-2013-remaster-2
this is totally self-indulgent, but so long as i'm generating releases with wanton disregard, i figured i'd might as well.
when i mixed this track in 1998, i was drawn to the idea of slowing it down. i reversed that decision for the sake of the flow of the record, which turned out to be very synth-pop. but, i always wanted to release the track tuned down like this.
i've had this slow version sitting on my hard drive, waiting for a use, since 1998. in mono. i've listened to it over this period. it's truly the better embodiment of the piece. the absurdity is more powerful.
i've put together an ep consisting of three valium mixes and the instrumental mix that will end up on the record. remember: this is how i always wanted to release this track.
===
the christmas of 1997 was a good one. in addition to getting a four-track recorder to multitrack with, i also ended up with a jx-8p for my birthday, which is in early january. now that i could use the computer a little bit, i decided that i was finally ready to do some serious recording.
i had committed myself to reapproaching the first demo tapes and rerecording certain tracks to reflect the uplift that they got from the drum machine; that is, i had already dramatically rewritten most of the tracks around the drum machine, so i felt i should rerecord them. now, i was going to need to uplift some of those tracks a second time with synthesizer parts. i knew which tracks i wanted to approach and how, but i wanted to ease myself in a little. so, i picked a new track as my first synthesizer experiment.
that is a large part of what this track is. i had the lyrics pre-written, actually, and knew that i wanted a spooky kind of atmosphere to the track. so, i was approaching the synth with the question of how to manipulate it into sounding "haunted". that may seem trivial, but please realize that i had never seen an actual synthesizer before - i'd just always used the presets on my sister's electronic piano. it was a small victory to get the patch by increasing the sustain on the preset, but it was a hard-fought battle.
after i got the track mixed down through the 4-track and mastered into the pc by sending the signal into the back of the soundblaster, some listening had me wishing that i had slowed the tape down a little. the track is a kind of a child's understanding of the existential, which i just felt would be more aesthetically in balance if i slowed the tape down and made it seem a bit more mournful. so, i wanted to go back and remaster it with the speed set a little slower.
i decided i should test it by slowing the track down digitally, first. what i was trying to do was get an estimate to use to remaster it at a different speed. i took a guess on half-speed to try and was going to incrementally reduce the reduction through trial and error until i got to a good point. then, i could set the tape speed by ear. i did not go through that process; i stopped at half-speed. for several weeks in 1998, the half-speed version was the final product for the track. i believe i even uploaded it to mp3.com slowed down this way.
i just instantly stopped at half-speed because, while the effect was more exaggerated than intended, that exaggeration was to greater effect than i imagined. i wasn't expecting the guitars to get that grungy, or the vocals to get that deep. when i heard it, though, i knew that this was the track.
in the end, i reverted back to the normal speed version, but this was done with much internal division. the reason that this is the last track on the demo is because i was holding out for space for the lengthier version. it was only due to a combination of space requirements and pull for conformity of sound through the demo that had me relent at the very end.
in hindsight, i do think that the short version fits better on the flow of the cd, and it will remain there - minus the vocals. yet, i also think that this slowed down version deserves it's own document. i've slowed down two other versions of the track, as well, to drag out the fun. the album version closes this collection.
originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reconstructed in the summer of 2015 and then manipulated further in the summer of 2016. released on july 7, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
this release is compiled on inriℵ0.
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri-box-set
this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 2013, 2016).
credits
j - guitars, effects, bass, synths, drum programming, vocals, digital wave manipulation, production
released january 22, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/useless
1) this is the original version slowed down to half speed. created on jan 21, 1998. converted to stereo on sept 24, 2014.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/useless-valium-2
2) originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. slowed down and run through a click reducer on july 7, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/useless-valium-from-2013-remaster
3) recorded in jan, 1998. reclaimed june 29, 2015. remixed july 2, 2015. slowed down july 7, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/use-value-is-somewhat-difficult-to-define-in-the-human-propensity-towards-artistic-expression-slowed-down
4) recorded in jan, 1998. reclaimed june 29, 2015. remixed july 2, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/use-value-is-somewhat-difficult-to-define-in-the-human-propensity-towards-artistic-expression-2
5) kind of a new wave / synth pop track. this is the first track with my new synth on it. that's a large part of what the track is. recorded in jan, 1998. sped-up on july 7, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/useless-valium-sped-up-2
6) deleted 2013 remaster of 1998 demo cd. originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/useless-2013-remaster-2
at
07:00
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
06-07-2016: j reacts to the inability of humans to understand complex space
tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
--
i got to a point with physics where i just didn't believe what they were telling me. it took me some time to at least accept it as reasonable quantification for experimental use, but at the time i just flatly didn't believe the ideas. so, i faded back into math - and eventually hit the same crises.
if we need extra dimensions to model space properly, then we're stuck at an impossible impasse. we can only understand these extra dimensions as variables on a piece of paper. if the model is correct, we can never actually experience it. so, we're left with a proof that we can never understand space?
yet, we may be able to at least contemplate glimpses. consider a dog's sensory perception of the world around us. dog's rely dramatically on scent and sound, which are more wave-based methods of energy transfer. light is a particle and a wave. i get it. but it oscillates too fast for us to experience it as anything but a particle. that's why we have such a bias to straight-lines and euclidean geometry - not because it reflects the surface, but because it's a function of our biology. we capture light. light moves in straight lines. so, we construct the world rectilineally. it doesn't matter that we live in a sphere, if the sphere is reflected in a rectangle. if we were dogs and relied more on smell and sound, we'd get a richer sensory perception. the slower moving wave reveals a deeper sense of reality. so, we'd have a more developed concept of the density of space. we'd have evolved the ability to locate a smell in space, and navigate the contours around it's emission. is that not a complexity in the understanding of space?
apparently, humans retain the genes to be able to understand depth perception within magnetic fields. the radiation of odor particles may turn out to be less random than appears, instead traversing some path through complicated space. but, an educated human mind could get a better understanding of complex space by being able to directly interact with environmental magnetic fields. i think that some empirical concept of higher dimensional space would be plausible given this hypothetical genetic improvement, by carrying out experiments that have side effects that we can actually sense. yet, this would be a privileged experience - it may even break the species barrier.
still, it's a different way to think about how your dog experiences the world. it's not all straight lines and right angles. it's swirls and bunches and nooks and crannies in what must truly be some kind of ether.
"they operate on a different frequency."
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
--
i got to a point with physics where i just didn't believe what they were telling me. it took me some time to at least accept it as reasonable quantification for experimental use, but at the time i just flatly didn't believe the ideas. so, i faded back into math - and eventually hit the same crises.
if we need extra dimensions to model space properly, then we're stuck at an impossible impasse. we can only understand these extra dimensions as variables on a piece of paper. if the model is correct, we can never actually experience it. so, we're left with a proof that we can never understand space?
yet, we may be able to at least contemplate glimpses. consider a dog's sensory perception of the world around us. dog's rely dramatically on scent and sound, which are more wave-based methods of energy transfer. light is a particle and a wave. i get it. but it oscillates too fast for us to experience it as anything but a particle. that's why we have such a bias to straight-lines and euclidean geometry - not because it reflects the surface, but because it's a function of our biology. we capture light. light moves in straight lines. so, we construct the world rectilineally. it doesn't matter that we live in a sphere, if the sphere is reflected in a rectangle. if we were dogs and relied more on smell and sound, we'd get a richer sensory perception. the slower moving wave reveals a deeper sense of reality. so, we'd have a more developed concept of the density of space. we'd have evolved the ability to locate a smell in space, and navigate the contours around it's emission. is that not a complexity in the understanding of space?
apparently, humans retain the genes to be able to understand depth perception within magnetic fields. the radiation of odor particles may turn out to be less random than appears, instead traversing some path through complicated space. but, an educated human mind could get a better understanding of complex space by being able to directly interact with environmental magnetic fields. i think that some empirical concept of higher dimensional space would be plausible given this hypothetical genetic improvement, by carrying out experiments that have side effects that we can actually sense. yet, this would be a privileged experience - it may even break the species barrier.
still, it's a different way to think about how your dog experiences the world. it's not all straight lines and right angles. it's swirls and bunches and nooks and crannies in what must truly be some kind of ether.
"they operate on a different frequency."
at
03:14
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
finalizing skaters (inri005)
audio permanently closed for inri005.
i've presented this track in chronological ordering because i wanted to tell the story of the track itself. looking through my releases, it may be difficult to tell what is an ep from what is a single, and what is an ep from what is a record. this is an ep, and not a single. it's an ep because it's a conceptual ordering of the tracks, rather than just an exploration of a single incarnation of a specific track.
i don't deny that the lyrics are painful. and, wasn't i supposed to be getting rid of painful vocals? well, perhaps. but, note that no vocal takes of this track make it on to any of the abum-format presentations of it, excepting inricycled. the vocals are tied into the concept of the ep, which is a narration of the song as it developed.
so, chronological ordering is the only rational way to present the tracks. further, a comprehensive exploration of the track's development actually becomes necessary, in order to narrate it's entire development.
i'm not going to take this approach to every single. i just think that this track had to be preserved in this kind of way.
===
this is maybe a little hard to understand, if you weren't a teenager in a very specific period - about '91-'99, the 90s i guess, when the nu metal shift "corrected" things and tough guys went backing to being metalheads.
that period overlaps with a period when punk fashion moved from subculture to dominant culture. as with any other failed social revolution, the period is more defined by certain subculture traits being co-opted than it was by any meaningful change in social attitudes, even if it did correspond with a move towards liberalizing social attitudes in the older members of gen x.
i remember playing this for my aunt, who was a teenager in the 80s, and she was just confused by it. in her day, the skaters were the skinny punk kids that got picked on by the meathead jock metal heads. as mentioned, i think people that were teenagers in the 00s may more readily associate with this as well.
but the 90s were weird in this sense. skater culture in the 90s was defined by a sort of thuggish machismo gang mentality that overlapped more into gangster rap than punk rock. what you had where i grew up was a lot of upper middle class white kids skating because it was advertised to them as the "cool thing to do" and in the process co-opting this sort of survivalist 'hood mentality into a tool of oppression that they used to bully and intimidate the kids that, a decade before, would have identified as skateboarders. those kids may have maintained an interest in punk rock, but weren't generally accepted into the skater clique - which was essentially the "in group".
the culmination may seem a little surreal nowadays, if for no other reason than that it's been forgotten. but i remember sneaking through back alleys, evading skateboarding gangs made up of kids into slayer, while i had socal punk music blasting through my headphones. and i'm sure you'll get similar stories if you ask around - or maybe you were also that kid.
on one hand, this track was constructed to be sort of precious, and i think that it is. it's a pretty catchy pop song, really. on the other hand, i think i was trying to be a bit tougher than i actually was. i wasn't one to back down from confrontation - i'm still not. while i think it's true that i could have taken most of these brats one-on-one, i probably would have mostly chosen not to. see, the fear was always more that they'd convert the boards into weapons and then jump you. in canada, guns aren't much of a concern, but knives are.
...and the fear often came out of trivial reasons. talking with somebody's girlfriend. having a pair of headphones or a pair of shoes that might be worth something. basic thug shit.
in hindsight, the analysis here is a little simplistic. suggesting that these kids are going to grow up into pimps is problematic on numerous levels, although i can state with blunt honesty that a number of the people the song was about have grown up to be petty criminals with lengthy criminal records. i have to own that lack of depth and how it comes out in sometimes less than ideal statements, but i'm going to once again blame that on my age.
overall, i like this track on both a musical and thematic level. i just wish i had articulated myself a little bit better.
--
there was a specific story that influenced the track. when i was in the ninth grade, one of these skater bro types took it upon himself to start body-checking me into lockers. it was well understood that this person was older, but that just gave him more clout in the school's skater clique; he knew the older kids that they looked up to. i was never certain if he was on his second or third try at grade 9.
this wasn't the first time somebody had tried to get physical with me, but it was an escalation that i couldn't really tolerate. people flicking my ears was an annoyance, and especially so when it was a game, but it's the kind of thing one withstands. these were full on, run-at-me body checks that seemed to be designed with intent to harm.
i actually tried a few different tactics before i reacted. i tried sitting behind in class until he left, but it was visibly starting to make the female teacher uncomfortable that i was just sitting around waiting after class - and perhaps not unreasonably so. as for bringing it up with the teacher? well, this guy went out of his way to look for a teacher watching before he took a run. i couldn't be followed around by a teacher all day. i had to react on my own.
so, i tricked him into running at my open leg, which had him fall face first into the locker. he did not see the retribution in the act; he got up looking for a fight. as i was walking toward the exit, which was a staircase downwards, he took another run at me - which i dodged. that was an adrenaline filled movement, i tell you - he was full of stupid, hot rage and sidestepped like an angry bull. but, i still had to time it. there was no escape. he ended up falling down several flights of stairs and breaking his leg. consider what would have happened if i hadn't moved - even considering that i may have helped him lose his balance, a little.
from that point onwards, i lived in fear of being swarmed. rumours were floating around that i'd better stay away from certain people - which was a broadcast to me to stay low. i got the message, and spent the next several years sneaking around back passageways in and out of the school. i learned where the cuts in the fences were, how to detour across floor levels to follow the crowd, how to time the bus (we had public transit passes - and that fact alone probably spared me broken bones) to come in to class during the national anthem and other various scheduling and transiting tactics to avoid being alone at critical junctures. and, then i started to enjoy living that way, too.
i don't think that student came back the next year, so i'm not sure if he ever finished grade 9. but, part of the reason i'm telling you this story is that it helps paint a clearer demographic picture of the narrative that i'm presenting. if you remove the "skater" designation, this could be a story about gangs in schools that could be applied equally well across any other grouping. it just happened to be that the gangs at my school were populated by white skater kids, some from the welfare projects and others comfortably middle class. that might help to explain what some might see as a difficult reference point.
initially written in 1997. recreated in jan, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 1, 2015. deconstructed dec 18, 2015. compiled on jan 4, 2016. finalized on july 6, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
this release is compiled on inriℵ0:
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri-box-set
this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 1998, 2013, 2016).
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, drum programming, drum kit, sequencing, vocal noises, vocals, samples, production
released january 12, 1998
i've presented this track in chronological ordering because i wanted to tell the story of the track itself. looking through my releases, it may be difficult to tell what is an ep from what is a single, and what is an ep from what is a record. this is an ep, and not a single. it's an ep because it's a conceptual ordering of the tracks, rather than just an exploration of a single incarnation of a specific track.
i don't deny that the lyrics are painful. and, wasn't i supposed to be getting rid of painful vocals? well, perhaps. but, note that no vocal takes of this track make it on to any of the abum-format presentations of it, excepting inricycled. the vocals are tied into the concept of the ep, which is a narration of the song as it developed.
so, chronological ordering is the only rational way to present the tracks. further, a comprehensive exploration of the track's development actually becomes necessary, in order to narrate it's entire development.
i'm not going to take this approach to every single. i just think that this track had to be preserved in this kind of way.
===
this is maybe a little hard to understand, if you weren't a teenager in a very specific period - about '91-'99, the 90s i guess, when the nu metal shift "corrected" things and tough guys went backing to being metalheads.
that period overlaps with a period when punk fashion moved from subculture to dominant culture. as with any other failed social revolution, the period is more defined by certain subculture traits being co-opted than it was by any meaningful change in social attitudes, even if it did correspond with a move towards liberalizing social attitudes in the older members of gen x.
i remember playing this for my aunt, who was a teenager in the 80s, and she was just confused by it. in her day, the skaters were the skinny punk kids that got picked on by the meathead jock metal heads. as mentioned, i think people that were teenagers in the 00s may more readily associate with this as well.
but the 90s were weird in this sense. skater culture in the 90s was defined by a sort of thuggish machismo gang mentality that overlapped more into gangster rap than punk rock. what you had where i grew up was a lot of upper middle class white kids skating because it was advertised to them as the "cool thing to do" and in the process co-opting this sort of survivalist 'hood mentality into a tool of oppression that they used to bully and intimidate the kids that, a decade before, would have identified as skateboarders. those kids may have maintained an interest in punk rock, but weren't generally accepted into the skater clique - which was essentially the "in group".
the culmination may seem a little surreal nowadays, if for no other reason than that it's been forgotten. but i remember sneaking through back alleys, evading skateboarding gangs made up of kids into slayer, while i had socal punk music blasting through my headphones. and i'm sure you'll get similar stories if you ask around - or maybe you were also that kid.
on one hand, this track was constructed to be sort of precious, and i think that it is. it's a pretty catchy pop song, really. on the other hand, i think i was trying to be a bit tougher than i actually was. i wasn't one to back down from confrontation - i'm still not. while i think it's true that i could have taken most of these brats one-on-one, i probably would have mostly chosen not to. see, the fear was always more that they'd convert the boards into weapons and then jump you. in canada, guns aren't much of a concern, but knives are.
...and the fear often came out of trivial reasons. talking with somebody's girlfriend. having a pair of headphones or a pair of shoes that might be worth something. basic thug shit.
in hindsight, the analysis here is a little simplistic. suggesting that these kids are going to grow up into pimps is problematic on numerous levels, although i can state with blunt honesty that a number of the people the song was about have grown up to be petty criminals with lengthy criminal records. i have to own that lack of depth and how it comes out in sometimes less than ideal statements, but i'm going to once again blame that on my age.
overall, i like this track on both a musical and thematic level. i just wish i had articulated myself a little bit better.
--
there was a specific story that influenced the track. when i was in the ninth grade, one of these skater bro types took it upon himself to start body-checking me into lockers. it was well understood that this person was older, but that just gave him more clout in the school's skater clique; he knew the older kids that they looked up to. i was never certain if he was on his second or third try at grade 9.
this wasn't the first time somebody had tried to get physical with me, but it was an escalation that i couldn't really tolerate. people flicking my ears was an annoyance, and especially so when it was a game, but it's the kind of thing one withstands. these were full on, run-at-me body checks that seemed to be designed with intent to harm.
i actually tried a few different tactics before i reacted. i tried sitting behind in class until he left, but it was visibly starting to make the female teacher uncomfortable that i was just sitting around waiting after class - and perhaps not unreasonably so. as for bringing it up with the teacher? well, this guy went out of his way to look for a teacher watching before he took a run. i couldn't be followed around by a teacher all day. i had to react on my own.
so, i tricked him into running at my open leg, which had him fall face first into the locker. he did not see the retribution in the act; he got up looking for a fight. as i was walking toward the exit, which was a staircase downwards, he took another run at me - which i dodged. that was an adrenaline filled movement, i tell you - he was full of stupid, hot rage and sidestepped like an angry bull. but, i still had to time it. there was no escape. he ended up falling down several flights of stairs and breaking his leg. consider what would have happened if i hadn't moved - even considering that i may have helped him lose his balance, a little.
from that point onwards, i lived in fear of being swarmed. rumours were floating around that i'd better stay away from certain people - which was a broadcast to me to stay low. i got the message, and spent the next several years sneaking around back passageways in and out of the school. i learned where the cuts in the fences were, how to detour across floor levels to follow the crowd, how to time the bus (we had public transit passes - and that fact alone probably spared me broken bones) to come in to class during the national anthem and other various scheduling and transiting tactics to avoid being alone at critical junctures. and, then i started to enjoy living that way, too.
i don't think that student came back the next year, so i'm not sure if he ever finished grade 9. but, part of the reason i'm telling you this story is that it helps paint a clearer demographic picture of the narrative that i'm presenting. if you remove the "skater" designation, this could be a story about gangs in schools that could be applied equally well across any other grouping. it just happened to be that the gangs at my school were populated by white skater kids, some from the welfare projects and others comfortably middle class. that might help to explain what some might see as a difficult reference point.
initially written in 1997. recreated in jan, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 1, 2015. deconstructed dec 18, 2015. compiled on jan 4, 2016. finalized on july 6, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
this release is compiled on inriℵ0:
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri-box-set
this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 1998, 2013, 2016).
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, drum programming, drum kit, sequencing, vocal noises, vocals, samples, production
released january 12, 1998
at
01:24
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
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