i'm actually pretty critical of exaggerated nazi-baiting, and i repeatedly, consistently point out that if you're going to call somebody a nazi, you should make sure they actually are one.

which is what i did.

because he actually is one.

was i a little harsh on rolf?

rolf? that's german for ralph, right?

Rolf Lüders Schwarzenberg (born October 1, 1935 in Santiago) is a Chilean economist, entrepreneur, scholar and politician, former Minister of State of the military dictatorship of Augusto Pinochet. 

see, the thing is that i knew that. did you know that?

so, i don't regret the goebbels quip; it's reasonable. actually.

so, that's my reading of this - what seems to cause osteoporosis is neither a specific reduction in androgens, nor a specific reduction in estrogens, but a reduction in total sex hormones, overall. both men and women should be able to use both sex hormones to build bone density. while it is reasonable to treat ciswomen with estrogen and cismen with testosterone on the event that natural hormone production ceases, it doesn't seem to be necessary - the opposite treatment should be protective of osteoporosis, one way or another.

and i shouldn't worry about it.

this is very helpful.

so, apparently, your bones have androgen receptors and estrogen receptors. in a genetic male, bone resorption can happen via either/or - and your body will actually convert testosterone to estrogen using an enzyme called aromatase, in order to bind to the estrogen receptors.

a genetic male with decreased testosterone would consequently have less hormones to bind to the receptors, but that binding can happen via either hormone. so, the conversion doesn't seem to be total, after all. i would have to suppose that there is minimal, if any, sexual dimorphism in bone resorption, and women build and maintain bone density using the same process - just with more estrogen reception and less tesosterone reception.

logically, then, it shouldn't matter if you give your bones androgens or estrogens, so long as you're not decreasing your total hormone levels.

and, it's interesting to note that you can convert testosterone to estrogen, but you can't convert the estrogen back to testosterone, again.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5036835/

hrmmn.

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/266017

...and grocery shopping on foot with a knapsack full of food is probably the best load-bearing exercise you could imagine.

ok.

i should get tests and see, but i think i should worry more about maximizing estrogen high than i should about minimizing testosterone, in regards to bone density health. 

so, if the reason that testosterone-deficiency leads to osteoporosis in men is that the ability to convert testosterone to estrogen is reduced, it would follow that replacing testosterone with estrogen would have potential benefits to bone health.

Although men with low testosterone are recommended for testosterone replacement to build bone mass, the science has not yet shown to what extent the bone-building benefit is a direct testosterone effect or the result of turning testosterone into estrogen. It is important, therefore, not to minimize the role of testosterone-to-estrogen conversion. Estrogen preserves bone density in both men and women. Men normally convert testosterone to estrogen in a slow rate to build bone mass.2

Men who genetically lack an enzyme to make even small amounts of estrogen are prone to osteoporosis; this is shown by the fact that if they receive estrogen, their osteoporosis improves. So even though estrogen is not present in very high concentrations in the blood of men, it is a critical factor for bone health.

https://www.uspharmacist.com/article/male-osteoporosis-an-overview-43114

interesting.

Research suggests that estrogen deficiency may also be a cause of osteoporosis in men. For example, estrogen levels are low in men with hypogonadism and may play a part in bone loss. Osteoporosis has been found in some men who have rare disorders involving estrogen. Therefore, the role of estrogen in men is under active investigation.

https://www.bones.nih.gov/health-info/bone/osteoporosis/men

i mean...

if i was a ciswoman, and i walked into a doctor's office, and they diagnosed me with osteoporosis, what are they going to do about it?

they're going to put me on estrogen.

so, let's update that list:

pros:

- removing testicles reduces testicular cancer risk

- getting off cyproterone is good for my liver

- increased serum estrogen is good for heart health

- increased serum estrogen may also increase iron absorption 

- increased serum estrogen may protect against osteoporosis

cons:

- potential breast cancer risk

- decreased testosterone without estrogen supplementation is weakly linked to osteoporosis in cancer survivors

- some chance of weight gain

there is a big difference between myself and a prostate cancer patient, regarding the osteoporosis thing, though - i'm taking a ton of estrogen, and it should work better once the testosterone production ceases entirely and that tug-of-war shuts down.

yes - decreased testosterone is bad for osteoporosis. but, increased estrogen is good for it. and, that's probably why those results are inconclusive.

let's test me and see where i am, already.

my thyroid and alp were also tested recently, and both came in at the lowish end of normal. but, i definitely don't have an overactive thyroid.

so, i have no symptoms of low bone density except the gum recession, and i'm going to guess that is probably more due to low iron - and am curious to see how it changes, if at all, with increased iron levels.

but, i should bring it up, anyways.

and let's move on.

the data appears to be inconclusive.

Studies investigating BMD in transgender women receiving hormones have shown both lower, higher and no change in bone density after initiating hormones.[4-11] 

https://transcare.ucsf.edu/guidelines/bone-health-and-osteoporosis

i've been on hormones now for over ten years. testing me directly is the way to go.

i'm not injecting anything radioactive into my arm, though.

this is probably something i should do, anyways.

my serum calcium levels were recently checked, and came in fairly high. my d was considered "sufficient". and, i get tons of exercise.

i've never broken a bone.

i have that gum recession, though.

i don't know if a bone density test is covered or not, but i should ask about it and base my decision on he results.

so, my testosterone has been much less than 1 nmol/L for years.

according to this paper, serum testosterone post-orchiectomy would range from 1-2 nmol/L.

https://www.karger.com/Article/Pdf/209352

that is, i actually shouldn't expect an increased reduction in serum testosterone (hopefully, it doesn't go up...), although i may be able to minimize the hormonal fight in my body, which should help the estrogen work better.

that is, while my estrogen should go up, my testosterone probably won't go down - and might even come up. confusing, yes.

that means that i'm probably already as risk of osteoporosis as i ever would be, post-op, and any testing i do now should be useful as to whether it's safe to continue this or not.

why don't i ask this question to start - what are normal testosterone serum levels in post-removal patients?

i'm currently quite low and have been for years. am i currently even lower than what i'd expect, post-removal?

i mean, you get some testosterone from food, even. women produce some, too. so, it's not going to go to zero. how low does it go?

what i should do is this: i should bring it up with my gp. maybe he can recommend some tests to determine if i'm at risk for osteoporosis or not.

that's really what i need here - to construct a probability. i need a likelihood estimate.

i can do all the research i want, it's the tests that matter, in the end.

ok.

do i really want to do this?

i mean, it's sort of a point of no return. i could flip-flop tomorrow and decide i want to be a dude, after all - however unlikely. once the testicles are gone, they're gone - and the testosterone is gone with them. that's it.

obviously, i've thought a lot about this, and if i'm having second thoughts, it's more about longevity than anything else. there's no question in my mind that i want to get to zero testosterone - i made that choice years ago, that's settled. and, the point is actually to take the stress off of my liver. but, i don't really want osteoporosis. chopping my balls off and getting osteoporosis from it at the age of 55 would qualify me for a darwin award, wouldn't it?

so, my lingering questions are about how safe this is and how it's going to affect my lifespan, rather than about whether it's what i want; there's no question it's what i want, but i also remember the words taught to me in a hymn, as a child: you can't always get what you want.

so, let me review the safety of this.

what i'll say off the top is that my testicles are likely a serious cancer risk, given that i'm not using them. i mean, this isn't going to be a monolithic thing, i'm going to need to weigh it out:

pros:

- removing testicles reduces testicular cancer risk

- getting off cyproterone is good for my liver

- increased serum estrogen is good for heart health

- increased serum estrogen may also increase iron absorption 

cons:

- potential breast cancer risk

- osteoporosis?

- some chance of weight gain

they can't schedule an orchidectomy right now, but they've agreed to schedule me one when they can.

so, there's some light at the end of the tunnel, there.

again: the red cross is really not an appropriate place for canadian tax money to be directed towards, in general. but, sending money to a religious group when we need more funding on science is just reflective of how this government thinks.

1) we have the thatcherian proposition that "charity work" should be done by ngos rather than governments, which needs to change asap.

2) we have the idea that india needs charity, rather than solidarity, underlying the position, in the first place.

...because the ideology in place is that canada is superior, and india is inferior. so, dominant canada needs to help little weak india.

which is not just offensive and racist, but is empirically wrong.

i would repeat my call for international solidarity, not christian aid work. we need scientists and doctors on the ground to stop the variants from running out of control, not preachers looking to exchange aid for conversion therapy.

https://www.ctvnews.ca/politics/canada-sending-10m-to-indian-red-cross-to-support-covid-19-fight-1.5404190

and today's post is the inri disc, the first period disc. this is actually not done yet and can't be until the alter-reality catches up, but i should have a skeleton of it up relatively shortly.

===

note that this release should have a physical companion component to it. 

purchasing this release does not come with a download. 

inri000: originally released dec 25, 1996. remastered oct 30, 2013. finalized june 26, 2016. 

inri001: originally released jun 1, 1997. remastered nov 8, 2013. finalized july 3, 2016. 

inri002: originally written and recorded over 1996-1997. sequenced and mildly modified in dec, 2013. released dec 11, 2013. finalized on july 3, 2016. lp000. 

inri003: created in mid 1997. sequenced and converted to stereo in november, 2013. released on nov 9, 2013. corrected in september, 2014. finalized on july 5, 2016. 

inri004: originally written in 1997 and first created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. finally reconstructed in the summer of 2015 and extrapolated upon over the first half of 2016. released on july 4, 2016. finalized on july 5, 2016. 

inri005: initially written in 1997. recreated in jan, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 1, 2015. deconstructed dec 18, 2015. released on jan 4, 2016. finalized on july 6, 2016. lead track added and refinalized july 20, 2016. 

inri006: originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reconstructed in the summer of 2015 and then manipulated further in the summer of 2016. released & finalized on july 7, 2016. hidden track added and re-finalized on july 18, 2016. 

inri007: initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 5, 2015. remixed july 12, 2015. electronics added on july 16, 2015. released on jan 4, 2016. sequenced on jan 6-8, 2016. finalized on july 10, 2016. hidden track added and refinalized on july 21, 2016. 

inri008: initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed june 29, 2015. remixed july 15, 2015. released on jan 4, 2016. finalized on july 11, 2016. bonus tracks added and re-finalized on july 18, 2016. 

inri009: initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed & remixed on july 18, 2015. released jan 7, 2016. sequenced jan 6-8, 2016. finalized on july 20, 2016. 

inri010: initially written in 1996. recreated in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 12, 2015. vocals added july 15, 2015. sequenced, released and finalized on july 22, 2016. 

inri011: originally created in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 4, 2015. remixed july 15, 2015. vocals added jan 6, 2016. released on jan 6, 2016. finalized on july 23, 2016. 

inri012: initially written in 1996. recreated in the spring of 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed june 29, 2015. corrected to control for malfunctioning electronics on nov 26, 2015. sequenced on jan 10, 2016. released & finalized on july 24, 2016. 

inri013: written and demoed from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in june, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. sequenced on jan 6-7, 2016 from parts that were rebuilt over 2013-2016. released jan 7, 2016. finalized on july 29, 2016. symph001. 

inri014: initially written in 1996. recreated mostly in feb, 1998 (schizoid, terrorists) but also partly in june, 1998 (abusive). sequenced in this form in june, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. "terrorists" was reclaimed june 28-29, 2015 & remixed july 15, 2015. the main mix was corrected on nov 19, 2015. "schizoid" was reclaimed on july 12, 2015 & reprogrammed on dec 31, 2015. the main mix was corrected on jan 3, 2016 and remixed repeatedly jan 3-5, 2016. the lead track was sequenced on jan 5, 2016 and split back apart on jan 8, 2016. released on jan 5, 2016. audio permanently closed on aug 1, 2016. release finalized on oct 9, 2016. 

inri015: written and demoed in multiple stages from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in june, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reconstructed and resequenced jan 6-10, 2016 from parts that were rebuilt over 2013-2016. re-released jan 10, 2016. audio permanently closed on aug 10, 2016. finalized on oct 10, 2016. lp001. 

inri016: created in the summer of 1998. released as a standalone ep on nov 16, 2013. audio permanently closed on oct 12, 2016. release finalized on oct 27, 2016. 

inri017: initially written over the course of 1997. recreated and expanded over the course of 1998. lead track first sequenced in this form in feb, 1999. further remixes generated over the course of 1999. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013, and another in late 2015. remastered in november, 2016 from various sources, 1997-2015. finalized & released on nov 17, 2016. 

inri018: initially written in 1997. recreated and reconceptualized in late 1998. salvaged somewhat at the end of 1999. remastered in 2013. compiled & released on nov 13, 2016. finalized on nov 19, 2016. final album version added as a bonus track and refinalized on dec 15, 2016. 

inri019: written and demoed from 1996-1999. initially constructed in this form in january, 1999. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. compiled on nov 13, 2016. sequenced on nov 22-24, 2016 from parts that were rebuilt over 2013-2016. released on nov 24, 2016. release finalized on nov 27, 2016. symph002.. 

inri020: initially written in 1993. first full recording in 1996. recreated in dec, 1997 and again in jan, 1999. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed on july 2, 2015. remixed on july 15, 2015. reconceptualized & remixed repeatedly over november & december, 2016. released & finalized on dec 13, 2016. 

inri021: written and demoed in multiple stages from 1993-1999. initially constructed in this form in feb, 1999. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reconstructed and resequenced over november and december, 2016 from parts that were rebuilt over 2013-2016. finalized & re-released on dec 15, 2016. lp002. 

inri022: recorded over 1998. compiled and remastered in late 2013. released dec 27, 2013. corrected to normalize for stereo in september, 2014. expanded incrementally between dec, 2014 and dec, 2016. merged with inricycled b and then finalized and re-released on december 16, 2016. 

inri023: constructed over 1998. compiled and remastered in late 2013. released dec 27, 2013. the first two tracks were corrected to stereo in sept, 2014. the last two tracks were added for re-release as a remix lp in dec, 2016. re-released & finalized as lp003 on dec 17, 2016. 

inri024: initially written and recorded between 1996-1999 and remixed over the summer of 2015, with a lengthy pause due to malfunctioning electronics. final compilation date is jan 3, 2016. finalized dec 17, 2016. lp004. 

inri025: this idea was developed in parallel to the inriclaimed project over the summer of 2015 and first compiled on nov 27, 2016. released & finalized on dec 17, 2016. lp005. 

inri026: initially written in the fall of 1997. recorded in the winter of 1999. remixed in late 2013 and again in early 2014. this track was separated from my second record in january, 2016 but the single was not completed until it was remixed one last time in sept, 2017. released & finalized on sept 10, 2017. 

inri027: streamed to disk in one take on the afternoon of march 9, 1999. ripped back to wav format from cd-r in late 2013. released as a one track single on nov 21, 2013. release finalized on sept 12, 2017. 

inri028: constructed over a few days in april, 1999. ripped back to wav format from cd-r in late 2013. released as a one track single on nov 21, 2013. release finalized on sept 12, 2017. 

inri029: recorded over 1997-1999. constructed in this form in june, 1999. published on november 30, 2013. re-released (with new hidden track) and finalized as symph003 on sept 13, 2017. 

inri030: initially created in sept, 1997. remixed and reimagined repeatedly over 1998 and 1999. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. partially reclaimed dec 8, 2014. rebuilt and resequenced on jan 9, 2016 out of material that had been remastered over 2013-2016. reimagined again on oct 26, 2016 out of material that was created in jan, 2016, but not released (and finalized) until sept 13, 2017, in order to properly fit into sequence. 

inri031: recorded over the spring and summer of 1999. originally released on inrimake in october, 1999 (with an accidental phase reverse). the first section was modified further at the end of 1999. minimally altered and split into it's own ep on january 3rd, 2014. spliced further, appended to and remastered over sept, 2017. re-released and finalized on sept 28, 2017. 

inri032: recorded sporadically, and without cohesive intent, over '98 and '99. originally compiled in the fall of '99. augmented and minimally altered in january, 2014. released on jan 3, 2014. finalized as lp006 on sept 21, 2017. as always, please use headphones - but note that they are especially mandatory for this recording. 

inri033: written and demoed in multiple stages from 1996-1999. initially constructed in this form in dec, 1999. slightly resequenced in jan, 2014. re-released jan 3, 2014. finalized as lp007 on sept 19, 2017. this is my third official record. 

inri034: written & recorded in the fall of 1999. originally released on inridiculous in december, 1999. split into it's own ep on january 3, 2014. remastered, finalized & re-released on sept 28, 2017 

inri035: initially written and recorded between 1996-1999 and remixed between 2013-2015. initially released as part zero of a three volume set on may 21, 2015. split into it's own release on june 14, 2015. finalized as lp008 on sept 29, 2017. 

inri036: written and recorded in late 1999 and early 2000. these versions of these tracks were sequenced without further modification in jan, 2014. released on jan 9, 2014. re-released on physical media and finalized on oct 3, 2017, with the remainder of hummer added as a bonus track. 

originally created from 1996-2000. this compilation is dated to jan 2, 2000. slowly remastered, reconstituted, compiled, reconstructed, released and finalized from 2013-2030. compilation will be finalized in jan, 2030. as always, please use headphones. 

released january 2, 2000 

j - guitars, effects, bass, bass synth, keyboards, synthesizers, piano, orchestral & other sequencing, drum programming, drum kit, percussion, pick scrapes, metronomes, vocals, vocal relics, mic noises, tapes, found sounds, paper, sampling, vocoders, octavers, cool edit wave synthesis, windows 95 sound recorder, noise generators, noise reduction, soundraider, hammerhead, sound design, strategies, light-wave synthesis, digital wave editing, digital effects processing, loops, text-to-speech synthesis, remixes, reconstructions, reinterpretations, chance, a broken tape deck, production. 

the various rendered electronic orchestras include piano, organ, electric guitar, orchestra hit, pizzicato strings, synth pads, violin, viola, cello, contrabass, electric bass, sitar, tubular bells, tinkle bells, synthesizer effects and flute.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

that was an unexpected nap, but i feel a little more alert. 

the chkdsk is done, so i can get on that this evening - and it means i'm just about done getting everything on to the pc, so i can file it there and get to the next thing.

they make a decent case.

https://www.peta.org/features/tax-meat/

meat is junk.

we tax junk.

call it a sin tax, but it's a good idea.

well...

biden may not want to ban meat, but i think policies to reduce meat consumption are a necessary step in the right direction. the insistence that he'd never do anything like that, and relegation of it to a "conspiracy theory", is a deflating reminder that he's not actually serious about limiting emissions.

a specific meat tax on top of a carbon tax is actually a good idea that i'd probably support.

that said, the focus on meat production as a specifically carbon-intensive industry is actually an empirically wrong approach, and the confluence of environmentalism with animal rights movements, while positive, has produced a fair amount of misleading information around the consumption of meat products and it's effects on the environment; more specifically, the messaging ignores or obscures that, while grazing is a poor use of land, it's actually industrial plant agriculture that creates the larger amount of total greenhouse gas emissions, due to it's reliance on oil-based pesticides and nitrogen-based fertilizers.

that's right: the way we do plant-based agriculture today actually creates more emissions than the way we do animal-based agriculture. so, while the animal rights activists and health advocates are right to try to convince you to reduce your meat consumption, this specific argument that meat is bad for emissions is misleading, so long as we're comparing animal grazing to industrialized plant farming. if you want an improvement, you'd have to move to different methods to produce plant-based agriculture, and the technology required to do that while producing enough to feed billions of people on top of a reduction in meat consumption is currently just getting ramped up.

on this day, you can look that up yourself.

https://www.thestar.com/news/world/2021/04/26/no-joe-bidens-climate-plan-doesnt-ban-burgers-but-that-hasnt-stopped-fact-blind-republican-rage.html

i'm ultimately going to want to check everything.

but, that might be the answer - an iron+zinc+copper pill, or something.

to be clear: i don't suggest eating dirt. the drawbacks outweigh the benefits.

i need zinc results to understand what i'm doing, but i may even want to look at a specific kind of multivitamin - one high in minerals, specifically - in order to compensate for the lost dirt.

it makes sense.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/would-you-like-side-dirt-eating-soil/

it's easy enough to piece together a theory that ice age humans may have been unable to access sufficient minerals from the soil (because it was frozen, or hidden underneath the snow and ice) and consequently adjusted by relying on meat for mineral absorption, instead. in the process, those who could best utilize the minerals in meat were most successful. so, those genes were passed on.

but, that would have only been true in areas affected by the ice age.

in warmer climates, those evolutionary pressures would have been limited, and the reliance on the soil for minerals would have continued.

i napped a little instead. that's ok - i'm awake now.

the recording pc is undergoing a lengthy chkdsk that is going to slow me down. again. but i'm closer to being done, now.

i'm still awaiting these zinc results, but, i'm thinking about the long term "naturalness" of taking iron pills and wondering - what is the most likely way that humans evolved to absorb iron?

i mean, one of the symptoms of iron deficiency that i uncovered was something called "pica" - a craving for dirt. this is pathologized in the literature, but how much sense does that really make? i have a tendency to pull back on things like that and ask if there's an evolutionary process at work, rather than a disease.

this is interesting:

https://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2014/04/02/297881388/the-old-and-mysterious-practice-of-eating-dirt-revealed

they say they can't figure it out, but it seems to be rather obviously linked to mineral deficiencies and rather obviously something that was lost in the shift from hunter-gatherer to agricultural societies. and, if it's women that have a stronger prevalence of the craving, it makes sense to think that what they're craving is, specifically, iron.

another thing to think about is the way we eat plants nowadays compared to how we evolved to eat them. fruits, vegetables & spices, nowadays, are these semi-plastic items that have been sanitized to sell the shiny coatings on them. we even spray them with chemicals to make them sparkle in the store. but, when our ancestors ate a potato or a beet or a carrot, not to mention spinach or lettuce, they ate the soil with it - and got a higher mineral count from it, as a result. this would have been true for hunter gatherers and for subsistence farmers, all the way up until the oil & pesticide era clicked in in the middle of the last century.

so, we're fed this line about getting iron from meat, and i've already debunked that - it's just empirically false. even full on carnivores get upwards of 60% of their iron from plants. with all of the other health problems associated with meat, it seems daft to increase your meat to get more iron, specifically. and, as i've said before, if i'm going to do this, in the end, i'm going to look for some kind of seafood. i need zinc results.

and, how weird is just eating iron shavings in the first place? we have examples of very ancient mines, upwards of 100,000 years old. eventually, iron becomes a precious commodity, used to fashion tools. but, how did we interact with iron before the iron age?

so, if we initially evolved to get our iron from dirt and maybe even actually from eating iron, this idea of taking pills becomes a lot less space age - and potentially even quite primal. the centrality of meat eating didn't happen until a little later on in the process, and would have been correlated with moving into colder climates (and may have even been caused by scarcity in vegetation during an ice age). for that reason, iron absorption would both increase as you move into colder climates and also shift towards heme along with a more central focus of meat in the diet. but, that's kind of what i'm getting at, in my supposition that i'm ultimately genetically pre-conditioned for lower iron absorption because i'm genetically descended from populations that lived in warmer climates.

maybe it's the way we evolved to do this, anyways.