i am exhausted.

i have been recovering from the harassment in a hotel, and it's taking some time to balance back out. it's getting there.

at times, i've thought they followed me here, but i suspect they might have now left. i dunno. see, i do have ptsd, and i it did trigger it, badly, and i will remember things that happened in that basement, randomly, for years, maybe the rest of my life. i don't think that is what happened this week. i don't have the confidence to be certain, and i actually usually do - it is usually not that difficult to figure out what's real and what isn't at all.

i suspect that they got me one of the last nights i was there. i started to wonder if they were swabbing door handles, but i think i settled on them burning something, to create smoke for me to breathe in. there really wouldn't be anything i could do, especially if they fumigated me when i was sleeping. i'd wake up smelling like i was at a campfire sometimes, despite having just taken a shower a few hours earlier, and have stayed in all night. i don't know exactly how they did it, but i was inhaling something, breathing something in.

i would subsequently pass it through my kidneys, and could feel it leaving, it was gross.

i am coming up against a feeling of frustration setting into hopelessness. there are apartments available right now, but the process of securing one has become overwhelmingly bureaucratic. i'm used to dealing with people face to face, not filling out applications like this. i'm finding the property management stage to be almost impenetrable and am increasingly running out of time.

i need to buy more time.

so, i'm asking you to go to my bandcamp site and buy some mp3s, or go to the paypal donation directly, even. 

i don't know how much more time this is going to take. i just know i need more time.

see, i don't quite understand this mentality.

the americans are expressing a willingness, however absurdly, to try to control canadian exports by "economic force". it's like the koalas have taken over the white house and want to conquer the world with the power of the invisible hand. these are frightening comments. however, that's what "51st state" means, right? it means controlling canadian exports.

so, in response to america expressing a desire to control our exports, we scheme up ways to gain leverage against them. then, we get confused when they start talking about controlling our exports some more.

i understand that our oil producers want a better price and are seeking to sell it to a buyer that's willing to pay more of a fair price for it. however, that should answer your question as to why america wants to control it. right?

there's other ways to get a fair price. you could insist on export taxes, as that is where most of the price hike would go anyways. the americans are telling you pretty loudly that they're not happy about you selling that item to those people; they think that item belongs to america.

while being too submissive about something like that is something to avoid, equally undesirable would be being pointlessly argumentative about it. 

perhaps you first might try renegotiating the price?

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/calgary/one-year-after-the-trans-mountain-pipeline-expansion-why-isn-t-it-full-1.7525284