so, what i've done is start at the beginning and, whenever i see a thread in one of the blogs, have noted it, with the hope of maintaining consistency and completeness, godel be damned. the blogs will each morph, now, to better fit these threads.

this should help everybody understand the differences between these blogs, which i'm only beginning to fully grasp, myself.

politics - general blog with a focus on current events:
- life narrative. feelings. events. reflections. dialogues. stories.
- essays. rants. comments. short stories, notes, reactions to quotes.
- philosophical reflections
- political activism
- lectures exclusive
- debates
- news reports exclusive (except sarcasm)
- mathematical & scientific analysis, of varying levels
- historical analysis
- cultural analysis
- economic analysis
- legal analysis
- thoughts on geopolitics & current events
- blogs of any sort, really
- any excerpts of existing texts
- anything published to the appspot site, including cd reviews, concert reviews & music web
- food blog
- all official music releases (including music videos)
- some extra discussions outside of the main narrative
- persies
- benchmark discs
- reviews of substantive influences in real time
- concerts
- headphones
- posts about isps & network topology
- installation files & scripts
- posts about non-musical celebrities, and about some newsworthy musical celebrities
- theory of art sequence
- other youtube videos posted and/or commentary around them should have some kind of relevance to one of these categories
- general commentary about web pages and their uses (with personal use commentary, too)

music journal - personal reflections on the process of writing and recording music, including full documentation when possible:
- life narrative. feelings, events. reflections. dialogues.
- studio narrative
- cover art
- all official music releases
- damaged cds are part of the narrative.
- computer troubleshooting is a part of the narrative
- cleaning the studio. scripting machines.
- benchmark discs / obligatory influentials / comment threads about influences
- reviews of new records by selected artists that are of specific historical influence
- rap news series
- some obituaries of direct or indirect influences
- no appspot reviews, but reviews of new music affecting me as i'm recording.
- concerts
- persies
- headphones
- installation files & files created when recording
- posts about isps & network topology (ends after getting isp access)
- posts about personal social media sites
- posts about music theory or music history or music as any other academic interest
- posts about music production, gear, equipment, etc
- posts about the guitar, the development of the guitar, guitar music history, specific guitarists, etc
- comments where i drop my own music
- comments where i present biographical information in a way that is relevant to understanding my influences and development as an artist
- theory of art sequence
- concepts that relate to topics explored in songs
- some excerpts of existing texts as they are relevant to art or my artistic development
- discussions with people inquiring about the music

dtk - general media commentary in it's fullest abstraction:
- any posts containing music videos of any sort
- any youtube videos or comments around videos except those that are considered official new sources
- tv show & film excerpts

- anything about ads
- news source allowed for light content or content about music or media criticism
- interviews with musicians or authors, but not speeches or lectures, or news reports.
- posts with pictures or comments on pop culture or music, broadly, including pop culture authors (interpret broadly)

- comments about popular authors or philosophers, or that cite them, and my own views on well known philosophical concerns or scientific theories.

- atheist & anti-religionist posts + pro-pagan posts (this is considered literature related).

- posts about history in theoretical or broad terms (this is considered literature related)

- posts about freedom of speech and artistic integrity 

- climate change posts in any generality (literature related)

- media commentary & criticism
- cds, cd reviews, cd collections, etc
- anything posted to the appspot site as a review
- music web
- official original album releases
- spontaneous song lyrics
- minimal personal commentary (almost none).
- no persies, except profile updates.
- gaming exclusive
- posts about isps & network topology

- posts about document presentation or programming in general
- any paintings & cover art
- release dates
- animal vids
- general commentary about web pages and their uses (but not personal use commentary)
- headphones sequence
- border stuff because of concerts
- concerts
- not considered official news sources: vice news, fox news.
- posts about music theory or music history or music as any other academic interest
- comments on articles about music and art in any abstraction
- some excerpts of existing texts as they are relevant to art or culture, broadly
- some (usually ironic) self-referential comments about my posting habits

- gen x identity posts

- theory of art sequence

travel - any posts about leaving the house and things done when leaving the house
- posts made to facebook, blogger, etc from somewhere physically outside the house or about things that happened outside of the house
- travel blog needs to be more about action scenes, and less about documenting every time i leave the house. so, actually try to avoid posts that just mention going somewhere, and make it more about the narrative of actually going somewhere.
- should avoid planning posts
- posts about not going out

- should include reflections on travelling or moving
- reflections, interactions or thoughts made while walking
- reflective posts made about the weather in the context of being out
- thoughts about the weather happening outside
- some imaginary traveling, or projecting traveling ideas
- posts about isps & network topology
- persies for going out only
- border stuff because of concerts
- concerts
- posts about time zones
- posts about odsp renewal
- posts about dr's offices
- posts about groceries, nutrition & diet. food blog. garbage posts.
- posts about buying & shipping items online
- initial headphones sequence, as a purchase
- climate change rants that are about the actual weather

- anything about anything about the sun 

- stomach ache & migraine posts. sickness, in general.

- dr office posts & testicle removal posts
- air conditioning posts & posts about inside weather
- posts about neighbourhood cats and other local animal sightings or experiences, including insects and parasites in the house
- quitting smoking posts, marijuana posts, hormones posts, coffee posts, other drug posts [all personal use or reflections]

- reactions to mail
- space travel, electric vehicles & other forms of transportation

- any posts about energy use or electrical costs
- bicycle posts

- personal legal battle posts (because there are adventures, and they relate to travel posts)

- posts about cyber attacks, power outages, illegal entry, etc (because it's adventuresome and relates to the travelling portion & the legal stuff)

- quarantine & covid posts as they relate to the border, to concerts, spread, the curve, etc

- local political activism

- posts about moving in any abstraction

- geography posts

- history posts as they relate to geography (including empire theory sequence)

- genetics posts as they relate to geography

- posts about anybody coming to the door

canada does not have privately owned hospitals.

all hospitals here are public property.

if you're sitting there, quietly refusing to leave, the cops just simply don't have the authority to remove you from a hospital for "trespassing" - just like they wouldn't have the authority to drag you out of a public park, or out of city hall. 

all the cop did was state the trespassing law. she had no idea. there's no case law cited at all.

these cops have, on average, something like a grade 12 education.  they're screened for low intelligence, on top of it. so, it's not some kind of accident - the system is designed to be impenetrable.

but, this is why we have activists, and this is what we do.

so, i got my report from the oiprd on the hospital arrest for trespassing on public property, and the cop doesn't have the slightest idea what she's talking about. again. i'm going to have to write a report explaining that hospitals are public property, and you can't be removed from them, unless you're threatening somebody else, which i was not doing.

the idea that a doctor can just throw me out and have me arrested because i refused to leave is entirely extralegal in this country, and the cops are in no position to offer an opinion on it.

so, i'm going to have to take this to divisional court to fight for access rights to healthcare, as well.

somebody has to do these things...

so, i'm steering clear of the dorian hypothesis at the moment, for the reason that i actually think it makes a lot of sense, even if it needs to be modified a little. early descriptions may have been exaggerated more than wrong. this is otherwise, again, a fairly gentle introduction into something that is probably obscure to most, and i should appreciate it for what it is.

the dorians and the sea peoples were probably one and the same, and the confederacy probably sailed down from the black sea rather than from sardinia, which is probably a false cognate. that the philistines were of greek origin is apparently told in their own histories, and that ought to be enough to more or less put the origin of the sea peoples to rest, even if it doesn't answer the question as to what exactly caused the collapse - which was probably a combination of factors, partially stemming from climate as a root cause.

but, i just again want to try to present the perspective of the poor, and by that i do not mean the urban poor within the empire. the really poor people were of course the barbarians, and that is true throughout history.

the historian gets it's information from the literate, settled culture of which it is a part of. that is always true, nearly by definition. so, it sees history from the perspective of the city and naturally sees the city as a crowning achievement of human civilization.

but, to the person outside the city - the subsistence farmer or the hunter-gatherer - the city is a source of oppression. it is from the city that the slave raiders come, to steal the children and the wives. it is the city that comes to rape and steal and plunder. so, the city becomes a force of evil, one that must be destroyed.

while it seems that the discovery of cheap iron played a major role in the bronze age collapse, i've long believed that the sea peoples were driven more by revenge than by climate. we see this with the viking raids, which were at one point seen as incomprehensible to history, but are now understood as a self-defence mechanism against the expanding colonialism of the christian church, to the north. 

so, might the dorians and their allies have decided to put an end to the slave raiding, to the theft of their children, once and for all - and burned the cities down in an act of vengeance and retributive justice?

we'll never really know.

i ask you this question and present it to you in a specific way, because i fully expect that you don't know that.

did you know that slavery is actually still legal in most of the muslim world, and the slaves are almost entirely african in birth and origin?

it was, after all, this arab slave trade that the spaniards were initially attempting to emulate, partly because there were slave markets in spain at the time of the reconquista.

ok, so i got through the process of making sure i kept track of everything i added to the blogs over the previous rebuilding last month. i need to have some kind of consistency.

next, is to rewind this blog to...let's go back to when i moved into the last apartment, which was december, 2017....and read through it with the intent to understand if anything is missing.

i'd might as well rebuild the other three as i'm doing it.

there's an election in ontario next june. 

i'd actually rather they be distracted by covid-19 than slash and burn everything. so, there's a chance this could actually be a blessing - if we can get rid of them right away.

ford is going to have the opposite logic, in that he's going to want to go into the election by trumpeting a return to normal. his coalition is small businesses and socially conservative immigrants, and they're both going to want these restrictions lifted.

but, for that reason, it makes sense to stay in lockdown through the summer, in the hopes it's gone by the fall - which it won't be.

things might get better in the rural areas before then, but i neither expect the border to open nor windsor to exit lockdown until the fall at the earliest- and probably not the spring, for either.

again: this isn't about science. this is about politics. and, when the politicians tell you it's about science, that's just politics speaking.

so, when are we going to at least see a removal of restrictions in windsor, then?

if you follow the logic coming from the premier's office, the reason we have these restrictions in windsor and sarnia is not due to the situation on the ground but due to the proximity to the border.

toronto will be last out. but, we probably won't be far ahead of them.

while any causal linkage would be dubious at best, if a spike in cases were to follow a border re-opening, the government would be done for.

they can't do it...

don't expect them to.

when do i think it's going to be safe to re-open the border and get back to going to shows?

well, i don't think the science supported cancelling most shows (i'd support canceling something like the dso, because the audience is older), and especially not bar shows, or closing the border in the first place...

so, as this is political, that's the question to ask - when is it going to be politically feasible to risk re-opening the border?

and, this is the shitty answer - after the next election.

i wouldn't expect the border to re-open until the sitting government regains it's majority or is replaced. it's painted itself into a corner, and it can't navigate it's way out. it may even be it's undoing. but, the party's newly sought after fake left base won't allow it to re-open the border until cases in the united states fall to near zero, and that is never going to happen.

the fact is that the number of deaths in this province hovers at around 10-20 per day, which is, in fact, borderline negligible.

so, i just did the dishes this morning, instead.

i was going to get my iron tested tomorrow morning but decided i should wait until i'm eating steady for about a week. i skip meals all of the time - i don't want to do that this week, i need to make sure i'm getting as much iron as i can, to see if i can absorb it or not. so, i want as good a reading as i can get and i should wait until early next week. 

that means i'm inside for the next week and i'm just shifting back to the blogging section until thursday. this weekend wasn't what i hoped for, but at least all of that stuff is now done. my bed is clean, and i won't be scrubbing any floors for a while, so i should get back to normal showering cycles, as well.

i just hope i've managed to block the drugs out of this space.

where was i?

- i was going through from sept 24th, 2018 ----> now and rebuilding the four blogs, along with several side documents at one drive.

- but, i wanted to go through and understand what files may have been removed, if any. so, i rewound back to early 2018 and was reading through them, forwards.

- i decided i can probably build the dtk blog up as i do that. at least.

- but i needed to go back and reread the components i added to each of the vlogs to understand what should and shouldn't be added. <-----done travel & music but still need to do dtk properly from nov/2019

most theory is bullshit.

do the experiment.

listen - i didn't learn about being transgendered in a classroom. i'm not applying an academic theory. i'm living a life. and, if my empirical experiences don't uphold the theory, it follows that the theory is wrong, at least in how it applies to my life.

i can work through this on my own - i don't need somebody else to tell me how to think about it.

i'm an individual, and it's my individual experiences that are important to me, not some shared collective experience determined by some eggheads at some academy somewhere.

so, no - what i'm presenting to you is not what you read in a book. but, listen to me, don't believe what you read.

today's post is inri007.

===

so, how exactly does one go about being transgendered, anyways? i mean, like anything else, i guess you have to come to terms with it, first. then, what? 

it was the "what next?" part that took me a very long time to grapple with before i was able to come to some kind of course of action. i don't remember exactly how old i was when i realized that i was more like a girl than a boy, but i will state that my thought process was always that i was like a girl, rather than that i was a girl. i have to be blunt: i was a precocious child. i understood the biology of sexual organs at a pretty young age. i knew which organ i had, that it was the same as the one my dad had and that it was different than my mom. i never felt as though i was in the wrong body - that's not how i'd articulate it. i knew i was male. but, all my friends were girls. i preferred to do "girl things". so, i realized at a very, very young age that i was more similar to the girls in my life than to the boys, despite being well aware that i was genetically a boy. it functioned more on the level of social inclusion and conscious choice of gender role than it did on the level of anything biological. am i really that atypical? i don't know. but, i know that i never had any difficulty at all, whatsoever, in separating between sex, gender and gender roles. so, for example: i have very early memories of asking my mom to let me wear lipstick, and of asking to get my ears pierced (3,4 years old) but i don't attach those memories to feelings of gender dysphoria. i didn't see any reason why boys couldn't wear make-up. further, nobody really "corrected" me on it. so, i grew up without any shame or second thoughts attached to being a boy that was more like a girl, and consequently without any particularly strong urges to become a girl. my very early life actually finds it's best explanation in the theories of radical feminism: because the gender binary was never enforced on me, i never felt oppressed by it. i have to argue for a very healthy early upbringing. 

what screwed me up and set me back a good ten years was the school system. when i got there at the age of four and a half, i wouldn't talk to the boys. i wanted to skip rope and play hopscotch with the girls. well, all my friends were girls. i didn't know how to play with the boys. what's a marble? i just didn't know. i got stuck with a fossil of a kindergarten teacher that actually flat out banned me from skipping rope. worse, she banned me from reading books. my absolutely docile and clinically rational temperament at that age probably worked against me. but, i had two choices: i could play with the trucks with the boys in the corner or i could go to sleep. 

in fact, i slept a lot. 

but, gradually, the system socialized me as a male. or, at least it seemed like it did. 

my path through elementary school didn't really ease up on the gender segregation until the seventh grade, at which point it was essentially too late. the system had successfully prevented me from socializing with girls, but had never taught me how to socialize with boys. so, i had spent the last twelve years of school in social isolation, usually without any friends at all. i'd lost the opportunity to have all the gendered experiences one associates with childhood - which means i was deeply socially stunted. i was still pretty smart, academically speaking. however, i was operating at the social level of a much younger child because the school system had arrested my social development through segregating me into a gender role that i didn't understand how to fulfill. 

by the time i got around to writing this song at the age of 16, i'd just become entirely stoic about the whole thing. i knew i was more like a girl, but what exactly was i going to do about it? i guess i had the perspective, at 16, that life was largely about managing misfortune and you just have to deal with shit, whether you like it or not. 

rational? perhaps, from a certain perspective. it gnawed at me, though. the trauma underlying the track was the realization that i was a good part of the way through puberty, without ever having signed up for it. this was by no means unexpected, either, and i didn't ultimately feel that i had any recourse of action in preventing it. but, i felt like i'd been cheated out of something and was being forced into something i didn't remotely want. 

as with the rest of the early tracks, the lyrics here are at their core the exploration of a morbid fantasy. i'm taking things too far, i'm taking any excuse i can to keep taking things too far and i'm enjoying watching you squirm when i do it. in one sense, it's a sarcastic allegory on the question of thinking with one's cock, which is a bio-chemical problem that all testosterone producers are forced to come to terms with at some point. in another sense, it's a transgendered teenager carrying out a sort of morbid fantasy and desperately looking for a way to prevent the masculinization of my body. 

it took me another five years or so of internal struggle before i could get to the point where i saw hormone therapy as a realistic option, rather than a kind of utopian fantasy that would be perpetually out of reach until i finally expired. 

this is the only period 1 piece that was further expanded through the addition of some bass and piano sequencing near the start of the piece. the vocals were also brought back in without redaction. so, this ep starts off with a full reconstruction of the piece, intended as a lead for this single. the ep further comprehensively documents all other released versions of the track. 

initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 5, 2015. remixed july 12, 2015. electronics added on july 16, 2015. compiled on jan 4, 2016. sequenced on jan 6-8, 2016. finalized on july 10, 2016. hidden track added and refinalized on july 21, 2016. as always, please use headphones. 

the album version of this track appears on my first record, inri (inri015): jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-3 

this recording is a part of the following collections: 

1) inriℵ0: jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/flac-dvd-disc-volume-1 

2) inriℵ1: jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-box-set 

3) inriℵ4: jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/mp3-dvd-disc-volume-1 

5) inriℵ6: jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1 

6) inriℵ17: jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/flac-bd-disc-volume-1 

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 1998, 2013, 2015, 2016). 

released february 6, 1998 

j - guitars, effects, bass, vocals, synthesizers, drum programming, drum kit, sequencing, sampling, digital wave editing, production

mass inequality is both a function of and the first step towards the collapse of any advanced society.

if we're smarter than our ancestors, we should figure it out this time.

as mentioned previously, mayan history is almost entirely mythical. this is pieced together by looking at glyphs in a dead language and building guesses on archaeological remains. we can come up with broad concepts and forces that shaped the society, but attempts to be specific are foolish. that said, i look at the tent cities today in california, and i wonder what role that inequality might have played in the movement of people out of the cities and into the forest. and, let's be clear about this - the society didn't evaporate. it didn't fly off into space. they didn't all die on the spot. they left the cities, they abandoned urbanism, and they took up life in the jungle, instead. that sounds crazy, but don't we see that in the united states today, as late capitalism makes urban civilization an impossibility for wide swaths of the population, who are forced to live in parks and subsist in the wild, instead? is that really what happened? and, will it happen again?

i had to take a nap...

the wood is cut. the bathroom is spotless. but, i lost the evening.

so, this weekend wasn't what was intended, but the space is at least as clean as it can be. what's left to do now is to take all the items from the other half of the apartment and put them away to various places - a "tidying" operation, but an absolutely massive one.

i need to get some eggs and take a shower. and, if i can at least put the hardware i want to use into the other machine and put it on it's perch, that's a step for next week.