i should also grab a burger when i'm out...just cause...

i didn't make some conscious decision to never eat meat again, but it's a function of the pandemic - i only eat things like burgers in restaurants. and, it's therefore been a while.

i've been over this: i'm not religiously opposed to eating meat, it's more of a question of being a responsible consumer, and trying to support an economy that's sustainable. i shouldn't need to eat meat for iron, if my genes work right. but, i'm empirically driven, and here we are...

i need to test it.

but, i mean i always intended to keep getting the odd burger here and there. i just haven't in a long time, due to circumstances.

i actually don't expect it's going to work, or at least not work much. but, if i can get up from 9 to 50 that's at least something.

actually, here's an idea...

i've been taking a quarter of a 500 mg pill of vitamin c every 6 hours. this is not connected to any meal i'm eating.

if i get some roast beef or pastrami at the deli counter and take one slice of that with the 100 or so mg of c, i'm maximizing heme absorption directly, and isolating it from any specific meal.

it's not going to be a lot, but i'm taking 20 mg of elemental iron as it is and it's not doing anything. so, any bump at all is something. and, i'm ultimately just trying to figure out if it works.

no, i can resolve this with logic.

if the problem is that i can't absorb the elemental iron due to phytates or oxalates or something (and, again, that seems like a myth, but....) then consuming heme iron instead is supposed to be a workaround for that. so i can test to see if this is genetic or not (which is what i ought to be testing, first) by leapfrogging the counteractions and jumping to the heme. the counterexample is apparently calcium, so i'm going to want to separate the heme from the calcium as i'm testing. but, my concern ought to be getting it up asap, not fucking around with methodical approaches designed to pinpoint the problem precisely. i can't yell eureka from my deathbed.

so, i'm going to get a few more containers of anchovies when i'm out at least and go from there. yes, i'm concerned about the mercury. but, cow is pretty bad for you, too. and, anchovies have a number of other benefits...

if i stick with the anchovies for a while and notice it start reversing a little, i'll at least know that that works - that i am able to absorb some iron, and it's not just that my body is shutting my intake down. and, then, i can look at experimenting with different approaches.

for example, if i put a little heme in the fruit bowl, will it help me absorb the substantive elemental iron in the cereal? but, what's a reasonable way to do that? the only answer i have right now is a supplement...but let's put that on hold...

no, i can't separate the anchovy from the calcium, right now - not in the pasta bowl. the caesar dressing contains cheese & soy and the bowl is full of vegetables and fruits. nor am i going to stomach eating the anchovy by itself. no - this will need to be a later step.

if i'm concerned about getting some heme right now then the best thing to do is get a little salami for the eggs. that's again not something i want to stick with, but it'll help me pinpoint the problem, for now.

and, if it doesn't work - like i think it won't - then we'll take the next step, from there. i mean, i was eating salami back when i was shivering at the hospital...

i've been eating genoa salami, which is pork. i used to eat hungarian salami...also pork. is there a beef salami i can look at instead? is there a big difference, really?

so,

1) separate calcium from heme.

2) try to take salami with grapefruit juice before the eggs to start.

3) if it comes up even a little, i'll know i can absorb it and go from there.

if i'm going to introduce red meat into my diet, even as a test, how do i do it?

i'm not there yet...

but, if i'm doing this specifically for iron, it doesn't make sense to eat chicken, unless i'm eating liver.

my best choice is taking a more serious look at the fish, and what i want is fish that's grown indoors so it's not full of mercury. but, a quick google search actually suggests this is a general problem - aquaculture fish meat is generally deficient in iron, because the tanks are too clean.

ugh.

i have some anchovies in my fridge, still.

i'm not there yet.

tomorrow is at least an electricity holiday, so i can do laundry and clean. 

ok.

let's hope i'm back to work by this time tomorrow.

unfortunately, that means we're fanless this weekend (unless i can get the halted one to spin with grease) and if the idiots want to be zombie jesuses this weekekend, we're going to have to fight it off with increased shower use.

so, let me eat and get out of here.

...and i want to replace the kitchen scale i bought a few months ago with one that plugs into the wall, because i don't like the waste in battery use.

they don't seem to sell them, and the mechanical options are not granular enough. worse, the market seems designed for pocket scales used by drug dealers, and i want something much larger than that.

the next best option is to get something that takes rechargeable aaas and i've got one of those, too.

so, i could have bought a fan at canadian tire today, as they are in stock, but i've bought two items from that company and they've both died within a few months.

the fan i bought from walmart a few weeks ago is still running, so that seems like a better guess. unfortunately, it's online only. and, i'm going to save a few dollars that way, too.

again - free shipping for items over $35. great.

so, i actually bought three of them for a little under $70. and, that's where my gst money is going this month. i guess tomorrow is a banking holiday, because the gst money came in this morning. great.

then, i have a few small items to pick up, still, so i'm going to make some fruit and venture out this afternoon to do it. 

ugh.

better get this shopping done quick, huh?

fuck...

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/covid-19-ontario-shutdown-hospital-intensive-care-icu-patients-1.5969831

first - should i seek immediate medical attention?

i think it's the rbc count that is ultimately more important. if i'm hauling around less ferritin, i may be at risk of various complications should i cut myself open or end up outside in a blizzard without a coat, but driving around with low gas isn't a risk in itself - so long as i regularly fill the gas up. even if i am bleeding to death, my rbc count is pretty close to normal, anyways. they could inject me with ferritin or bombard me with iron, but it's ultimately going to end up in my liver, not my veins - and what my body's telling me is it's not going to happen, anyways. i suspect i may actually react terribly to injections, if it's genetic.

so, i think the answer is "no" -  i have plenty of actual blood, even if my ferritin is low, and i should wait it out for the appointment next week.

then, what can i do while i'm waiting, if i've ruled out the possibility of short term iron deficiency and confirmed a more pernicious problem?

if we put the idea of blood loss and parasitism aside for a minute (because i can't adjust for that - i'll need medication and perhaps surgery for it) and assume malabsorption, i'm left needing to figure out:

1) am i actually absorbing it and then excreting it via sweat or urine? am i drinking too much water?

2) if i am unable to absorb elemental iron, is it because it's being interfered upon by something or is it genetic and irresolvable?

3) if i am unable to absorb elemental iron, am i better able to absorb organic iron?

i can only really work out 2 & 3 at home.

and, it's actually easier to bring in heme than it is to check for phytates, etc. if i eat red meat every day for a week and it shoots way up, it at least answers the question, and i can adjust based on what i see.

i need to work this out a little further, but i may pick up some meat this afternoon.

the problem with yesterday is that i was a little late getting going. so, i didn't get to the blood lab until close to 17:00, and didn't get out until nearly 18:00. that meant that hopes to buy things like fans were dashed, and i had to focus on the groceries, more or less strictly. 

they split the test into two for me, meaning i'll have to go back next week to finish it. i was just apprehensive about seven vials, and i think that was a decent choice in the end.

and, i got four out of seven major grocery runs done - leaving one run to the metro, one run to the shopper's and one run to the bulk barn with food basics backups left. that was two runs to the freshco, one to the superstore and one to the food basics. and, these were good runs - combined with last month, i'm now stocked up on almost everything i'd put in the cupboard for weeks or even months, meaning these grocery runs over the summer should be lesser.

i'm not wearing a mask, and nobody seems to care much anymore. that's progress, but it's still necessary to be subversive about it.

so, after run number four, i decide to stay in and get some things done inside, with the intent to plan to get out in the morning. specifically, i wanted to shop around for the best fan price and make sure i can find the other items i'm looking for, too. so, i sit down for a minute to check my ferritin and....

9.

what?

9.

it was 12 before. so, it went down? what?

i spent all week gorging myself, trying to ensure i was testing at my highest level, and hoping it came in at 30 or something. instead, i get a fucking 9. dammit...

so, what does this mean?

i think that the shit log has ruled out serious bleeding, although the most recent shit recordings (yet to be posted) open up a question of parasites, as there's some weird white shit floating in them. when i eat eggs, the shit is brown; when i eat paprika or beets, it comes out red. i've built a correlation, and it seems to be holding. 

so, if i'm not bleeding, and the parasite suggestion remains obscure (although i'll need to ask), it means i'm having difficulty with absorption, almost certainly.

and, i need to test, now, whether it's because i can't absorb it or because i'm blocking absorption - via calcium or phytates or lead.

how are my other metrics?

my kidneys, heart & liver function and other mineral levels are great. my vitamin d is fine. my b12 is a bit better, actually - which makes sense given i'd eaten more recently. they tested antibodies and rheumatoids due to concerns about an autoimmune  disorder, but it seems fine. and my estradiol is a little low but about the same.

to be sure about the liver, this is from last time:

so, i don't have anything else that's deficient and the three relevant organs seem to be not just fine but in truth exceedingly healthy.

my blood itself, though, again, seems odd:

on the last test - when i was fasting - everything was a tad low. this time, the hemoglobin and hematocrit came up into normal ranges, but i'm still having a low level of unusually large red blood cells - and that makes sense, together. essentially, i have bigger red blood cells that take up more space, so my total rbc count is lower. this should be concerning, in conjunction with the strangely low iron. and, my eosinophils and lymphocytes have both gone up - as my neutrophils have gone down. together, that suggests i'm fighting something, like a parasite or a cancer, off.

so, these are the steps i need to check for

- can they run checks for cancer or parasites?

- can they run checks for blocking agents like lead?

before you tell me to eat a burger, you have to understand that i've never eaten red meat regularly like that. my dad had heart issues, so we mostly ate chicken at home, when we had meat. but, we only really ate meat in the form of barbeques, as well. the truth is that i spent most of my childhood foraging through cupboards and freezers because my parents would tend to eat in restaurants on the way home from work; they would often bring me back leftovers, but they usually weren't red meat, either. there were usually things like burritos or soup around, but they weren't usually high in red meat, either. so, i had the occasional burger in mid-summer and that was really all the red meat i ever had.

the meat i've usually eaten has been lunch meat or poultry, which is actually not that good for iron.

the point i'm making is that i didn't really make this conscious choice to shift from being an omnivore to being octo-lavo; i was always sort of ovo-lacto, and, if anything, eat more animal products now than i did as a child. if i'm heme-deficient now, i always was, too.

listen - if it comes down to it, i'll do it. but, i'm avoiding it because i think it's wrong...

christians are probably just too lost to be saved....

"that silly, passe, archetypal witch hat is a quarter inch too long, according to our regulations in the official witch hat's guide!"

heretic!

burrrrrn herrrrr!

and, i may be being overly optimistic. 

the sad reality is that, even as a fun, zombie vampire cult, christians would still probably end up being boring and stupid. they'd probably excommunicate you if you referenced the wrong vampire lore, and burn you for being an improper witch.

it's a nice idea, but no doubt entirely unworkable.

if christianity is really completely dead and irrelevant at this point, it may be fun to switch sides in an ironic sort of sense. i mean, it might be the pro-christian imagery that is more offensive than the mockery, nowadays. but, wouldn't christianity be more fun if it was resurrected as a queer vampire cult, anyways?

to begin with, jesus was obviously incredibly gay. floating around with 12 guys like that. they probably made it all up, but c'mon. obviously gay...

and, the early church probably was more like a zombie death cult than this conservative catastrophe it's become. it was all about mystery festivals and drunken orgies - a much better time. clearly.

there's some potential here to salvage christianity, then, as a kind of a hedonistic, queer, zombie cult.

but i'll probably have better things to do.

i enjoy offending people.

it's fun.

you should try it some time.

"that's offensive!"

touche.

easter, huh?

i actually see more ads around here for muslim and hindu festivals, nowadays. the grocery stores are full of ads for something i've never heard of and starts with a v; it looks indo-european rather than semitic, so i'm guessing it's hindu or buddhist. but i don't actually know. or remotely care.

i haven't seen any reference to easter at all anywhere around here.

so, my purposefully sacrilegious posts designed to wrangle religious conservatives are maybe losing their edge. if all the christians are gone, i'll have to start making fun of other religions, instead.

for now, i need to ask - where are all the christian zombie vampires at, anyways?

my ferritin decreased from 12 to 9.

i got most of my shopping done last night and passed out, which wasn't intentional, and screwed up my day, but it seems like it's going to be colder than i'd like it to be today, anyways. i'm not sure what today is going to be like; i'd like it to be about getting some shopping done early and cleaning later, but i'll need to figure it out.

let me do a write-up as i fluoride bath my teeth.