i went checking to see if osteopenia is actually sufficient for permanent odsp status (i mean, are you going to go out there and tell me to do grunt work? i could break my spine.), and it turns out that i could be eligible for upwards of $200/month in dietary allowances if i get diagnosed with colitis and celiac.

so, there could be a return on this.

you'd think somebody else in my family would have been diagnosed with celiac by now, unless my mother has some 'splainin to do. i mean, i think everybody sort of suspected the point all along - i might vaguely be of sort of the same ethnicity as my father, but there's lots of very weird differences. like, body hair, for example - my father was a man ape, and i've never so much as sprouted a single hair between my belly button and my adam's apple. and, the men on my mom's side are hairy, too. it's a jarring difference that i've always found unsettling.

so, if i end up celiac, against all the evidence, i'm going to be up against a kind of jarring fact that nobody else on either side of the family has it. so, how did that happen, exactly?

unless i was switched at birth, i can be pretty sure about who my mother was. my father, on the other hand...

listen - i used to study royal genealogies. i've actually looked into this. it probably wouldn't surprise you to learn that people end up raised by people they call their fathers that aren't actually their fathers, but the numbers are startling.

what do you guess the percent is? 2%? 5%?

it's actually thought to be more in the range of 30-40%.

so, is your dad really your dad? fact is you can more or less flip a coin. women are sneaky sluts, it's just how it is. and, we live in a reality where financial stability and biological fitness are almost at cross-purposes to one another, too.

i mean, i'm not mad about it if it's true. if anything, it's probably good news, given how bad my dad's genes are, and how short the average lifespan on that side is. but, it would be very useful to know, for health purposes.

so, if that celiac test comes back positive, it's going to open a can of worms, let's just say.

the flip side of it is that my dad did have colitis. wellll....i think a diagnosis of colitis back in the 90s is probably a dubious thing, in truth. there was something going on in there, but he ate a lot of oregano, too. he wouldn't do what i'm doing - he'd take the doctor at face value. so, they supposedly told him that, but who knows...

but, maybe there's an upside to osteoporosis, if it ensures i don't have to go through another review, and even gets me into support at the federal level.

should i have known better than this?

well, if there's a problem, it's insufficient estrogen, and i...i tried. hard.

i can't buy it.

they wouldn't overprescribe.

so, i mean, what do i do? i could detransition, but i'd be so depressed i'd want to kill myself, anyways. i mean, that's a fucking shitty choice to force a person to make, and i'm almost willing to kill myself out of spite if the government is going to take that kind of a pissy position with me.

at this point, it doesn't matter - detransitioning won't help anyways, and i need estrogen therapy, regardless.

so, i mean here's your great outcome as a result of your bullshit incentive system and your pseudo-intellectual freudian bullshit - i've got osteoporosis. 

you assholes.

the way i feel right now is anxious and weird, but i've felt like this before and i know it lifts with some sleep.

i don't want to draw conclusions.

i mean, if i had gone for a five hour bike ride without stopping last month and come back feeling sore, i would have decided i was a little out of shape. i simply don't know how much has changed over the last few months regarding my bone density, and i shouldn't give into hysteria, however easy it is.

i need to make some calls tomorrow and ask for some tests, and only react further when i actually get the results.

but, yeah - i'm kinda scared. or something. i dunno. but, i think it's understandable.

today's post is the "box set" dvd compilation for the 6th record.

=============

purchasing this release comes with the immediate download of the release that you linked to it off of. be sure you make the right choice. 

inri048: written in the summer of 2001. remembered over july, 2014. completed august-september, 2014. released sept 24, 2014. expanded, finalized and re-released on oct 16, 2017 

inri054: recorded in late 2001 and early 2002. track 6 was constructed in may, 2004 out of files recorded 1999-2001. tracks 1-4 were reconstructed over october, 2014. final mixes were finished on october 18, 2014. released on oct 21, 2014. disc closed on oct 30, 2017. 

inri055: written in early 2002 and recorded and mixed in early 2002 and late 2014. released on nov 15, 2014. expanded, re-released & finalized on nov 1, 2017. 

inri056: written & recorded in late 2001 and early 2002 and mixed in early 2002 and late 2014. released on nov 19, 2014. expanded, re-released and finalized on nov 2, 2017. 

inri061: written over the summer of 2002 and initially recorded in the early fall of 2002. additional writing, arranging, recording, production and mixing occurred from dec, 2014 to apr, 2015. released as a two volume set on april 27, 2015. this release was expanded to include a third disc on nov 17, 2017 and filled in with eight new remixes over the next few days. re-released as a slightly rearranged three volume set and finalized on nov 19, 2017. 

inri062: this track was written in late 2002 and completed over april and may, 2015. released may 11, 2015. disc finalized on nov 20, 2017. 

inri063: these tracks are all based on existing demos from 2001-2002 that were initially intended to be completed with vocal parts and were remixed from july, 2014 to may, 2015 as purely instrumental recordings. released may 2, 2015. disc finalized as lp014 on nov 21, 2017. this is my sixth official record. 

originally created from 2001-2002. this compilation is dated to dec 2, 2002. slowly remastered, reconstituted, compiled, reconstructed, released and finalized from 2014-2017. compilation finalized on nov 22, 2017. as always, please use headphones. 

released december 2, 2002 

j - guitars (electric, acoustic, nylon), electric bass, electric mandolin, orchestral & other sequencing, synthesizers, drum & melodic programming, electric air reed organ, digital piano, flute, regular drum kit, electronic drum kit, sampling, digital and analog effects processing, digital wave editing, sound design, soundscaping, loops, granular synthesis, noise generators, equalization, vocals, vocoders, drum & vocal manipulations, production 

sean - vocals (inri048, inri054-inri056, inri061), harmonica (inri054, inri063), vocal concept (inri062) 

jon - guitar (inri048) 

greg - drum performance sample source (inri056, inri063) 

the various rendered electronic orchestras include acoustic bass, synth bass, electric bass, brass, tuba, french horn, trombone, trumpet, english horn, saxophone, flute, clarinet, oboe, piccolo, bassoon, orchestra hit, drum machine, electronic drum kit, nylon guitar, electric guitar (distorted & clean), acoustic guitar, synthesizer, synthesizer effects, music box, harp, koto, piano, glockenspiel, vibraphone, hammered percussion, bells, tubular bells, agogo, wood blocks, marimba, melodic toms, timpani, taiko drum, backwards cymbals, synth drums, orchestral drum set, mellotron, violin, viola, cello, contrabass and various full string sections. there is also choir.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj-2-box-set

mortality is a shitty deal.

i'm not going to pretend i'm just figuring that out.

but, if i'm dying then i'd better hurry the fuck up, eh?

let me put this all in one place in case there are questions about it, and i'm going to do it running backwards from the order of last modification.

when was the last time i altered these releases?

early 2018:

inri068 & inri069: constructed over late 2017 and early 2018 from tracks finished over 2014-2015 and written over 1996-2003.

late 2017:

inri026, inri031, inri034: remixed from orphaned demos from 1999

inri030, inri038: constructed from mixes done over 2015/2016.

inri042: constructed from 2017 mixes of 1999/2000 material

inri043, inri044, inri047, inri050: rebuilt from midi over 2014 by adding extra recorded parts, final mixes added over late 2017.

inri048: recorded more or less from scratch over late 2014. extra mixes from 2014 source added over late 2017.

inri055, inri056, inri058, inri061: demos from 2001/2002 were completed over late 2014 by adding extra recorded parts. extra mixes added in late 2017.

inri065: midi file completed in may, 2015 by transcribing demos from early 2003, which was then used to build multiple extra remixes. last mixes complete in late 2017.

inri071, inri072, inri073: compilation from 2015 of tracks completed by that date, but updated in late 2017 with more appropriate alternate mixes

inri074: initial version from 2003 was stripped of samples in late 2017 and added as a hidden track. will also appear that way on trivial group 2xlp.

over 2016:

inri004-inri015 & inri017-inri022 & inri024-inri025: this is the proper inri/inriched release cycle. remastered, with much difficulty due to interference from some unclear source, over the summer and fall of 2015, and finally remastered and rebuilt with many stops and starts over the course of 2016. the first singles were finalized in january, 2016 and the last comp was finalized in december, 2016. minimal midi parts and one new vocal part were added in this time frame, as well.

late 2015:

inri066: all ry30, soundblaster sequences and jx8p tracks from the late 90s or early 00s. some added sequencing and production work from late 2015.

early 2015:

inri035: mix tape constructed from material recorded 1996-1999.

inri046: lead mix finished in 2006 from files written in 2001. extra mixes added in 2015.

inri049: a new ambient mix was created in may, 2015. all other files are unaltered from late 2002.

inri062: new recorded vocal mix added to demo from 2002 in may, 2015. all other mixes from 2002/2003.

inri063: 6th lp. final version compiled from material remastered and finished over 2014/2015.

inri070: soundblaster & vst renders of material written before 2003, as output between 2014-2015.

late 2014:

inri052: 5th lp. final version compiled from material remastered and finished over 2014.

inri054: remixed, remastered and completed over late 2014. demos from 2001/2002.

inri059: constructed in late 2014 from disconnect parts recorded in mid 2002

inri060: remixed from existing tracks from 2002

inri079: imminent release, hopefully in 2021. but, all tracks for this release were done by late 2014.

early 2014:

inri041: 4th lp. final sample-less version remixed and compiled from existing source material from 1999/2000

late 2013:

inri000-inri001: remastered late 2013. otherwise unaltered from 1996/1997.

inri002: mix tape compiled in 2013, from source material from inri000-inri001.

2003-2013: black hole to be filled in.

2004

inri078 - demo tape from 2004, released as is in 2019

2003

inri075, inri076, inri077: unfinished demos from 2003 as of now.

2002:

inri053: released in 2014 and again in 2017 from unaltered 2002 files.

inri057: released in 2014 from unaltered demos from 2002.

inri064: released in 2015 from unaltered demos from 2002.

inri067: releases in 2017 from unaltered demos done from 1999-2002.

2001:

inri045: files from 2001 were released unaltered in early 2014, and project was closed down due to mysterious disappearance of sheet music attached to it

inri051: released, unaltered, in late 2014

2000:

inri036, inri037, inri039, inri040: compiled and released from existing recordings in early 2013

1999

inri027-inri028: released as is in late 2013

inri029: released as is in late 2013 and expanded with alternate version from same time period in late 2017

inri032: appended to in early 2014 with existing mixes from the time period, but not otherwise altered since.

inri033: 3rd lp. last trick split off in early 2014, otherwise unmodified

1998

inri016: released as is in late 2013

inri023: compiled from remixes created over 1998 in 2013 and expanded in late 2016

1997

inri003: compiled in 2013, but files unaltered from 1997.

this machine should be installed by the end of the night...

now, could all of those salicylates - from oregano, from basil, from thyme, from cumin, from tomatoes, from red peppers from broccoli, from raspberries, from strawberries, from guava, from avocado, from paprika - create bleeding in the stomach?

well, daily aspirin might.

so, there's some logic to it. this might be the cause of the mystery.

i'll ask the stomach specialist.

fwiw, i got my salicylates results, even as i'm still waiting for the others. i should get the c and mercury soonish, whereas the asca could take a while. and, i need to call the lab about the vitamin a, which appears to have been lost.

the result is .36 mmol/l, which converts to 5 mg/dl, and is considered to be low for somebody taking aspirin in a serious dose for something like arthritis (which is what the test is designed for. so, it says i'm low because it's low for an arthritis patient on rx strength aspirin), but about on par with somebody taking something like a half an aspirin as a daily blood thinner. so, if you want the effects of aspirin without actually taking aspirin, try a diet high in fruits and spices - it's not hyperbole, i just measured it.

what i was doing yesterday was trying to finish a rough install of the recording pc, before i finished up a number of notes regarding the gear i used in the various places i've lived, with the intent to build emulators out of all of it. i've currently got 3 sticks in the machine and it unfortunately did something when i turned my back that i didn't catch.

so, we're starting the install from scratch, and we're iffy on that third stick...

i was going to do some running around today, but i clearly got distracted. i'm going to make some eggs and get ready for a big day tomorrow, instead.

it'll be nice and warm, at least - nice, hot weekend coming up.

so, i'm going to scratch the fluoride thing off. 

you need to take it in very large dosages, which means you need to swallow it in these capsules that evade your stomach, and dissolve in your intestines. if anything goes wrong in that process, you're going to end up with a nasty ulcer.

then, you can probably increase the density of your bones with fluorapatite, but it's not clear that you're going to strengthen them. that's fine with your teeth, which are going to fall out eventually anyways, but not really fine with your hips, which you only get one shot at - and are done if they ever fail.

...and, even that only works if you get it early enough.

the newer medication is covered. i should focus on that, instead.

and, hey, it might just help with my teeth, too:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3782984/

ok.

almost ready to call.

i just wanted to make sure that teriparatide isn't an androgen. and it seems like it isn't.

great.  

so, i want to double check a few things, but right now i'm looking at:

- vitamin d

- estrogen injections

- teriparatide (+denosumab?)

i my run into pushback because i'm not technicaly over that -2.5 limit, but i'm 40 fucking years old. i shouldn't be anywhere close to it. and, i shouldn't be managing osteopenia, at my age.

teriparatide is covered.

hrmmn.

i started writing this last night and passed out - in fact for quite a long sleep. 

so, i've now slept on it.

thinking back, i think i've had longstanding skeletal concerns for many years. my diet is about as good as i can make it, i've always had a high calcium diet and i've been cognizant of d for roughly the last five years, but i remember walking to get groceries and feeling like my legs were going to snap, as long as 15 years ago. 

the reality is that i grew up in a heavy second-hand smoke environment, which is the single greatest risk factor for developing osteoporosis later in life. and, i smoked, myself, off and on, but nonetheless, for about 15 years, as well. i've also been known to eat every two or three days for weeks at a time.

so, i can't really jump to conclusions regarding this switch to generic estrogen, because i don't have the baseline. further, the last dentist i saw was adamant that the recession was not recent. it's also worth noting that my alp numbers were normal, although i should ask about pth and also about osteocalcin. together, these can help me understand if the bone loss is recent and ongoing or the result of growing up in a second-hand smoke environment, of smoking as an adult, of a poor diet years ago or perhaps even as a result of malnutrition as a child.

i should behave like it's the cause, regardless, though, and treat myself as though it is.

so, should i take vitamin d, then?

well, if i was concerned about normal dietary consumption, i'd say "no". i should get enough...

but, what i want to do right now is bombard my bones with as much d as i can take...it's ideally temporary, and it might not work at all, but i sort of have to try.

and, if these tests for colitis and etc come back positive, i could be experiencing some difficulties absorbing it and need the extra supplements. right now, it seems ok, but...

so, i asked my doctor to fax an rx to the pharmacy for d and i'll pick that up tomorrow. but, i'm looking through the formulary and just flat out cholecalciferol isn't there. it seems like i want this:

ALENDRONATE & CHOLECALCIFEROL Apo-Alendronate/Vitamin D3 70mg & 140mcg Tab

....which is covered. at least for now. but, the side effects of the alendronate look vicious. like....it might work to prevent bone loss, but you're going to severely damage yourself in the process. and, the fact that they'd use such a disruptive medicine suggests it's the best we've got.

looking into this, there's some chance that the osteoporosis is a symptom of some other type of cancer, like breast or lung cancer - or blood or bone cancer. i want to at least clear that before i start taking crazy meds like that.

the other option is 8000 iu/l of vitamin d2, which is too much.

so, i may need some back and forth on that. but, it looks like 1000 iu/l of d3 is less than $10 and that's probably an easy, fast first step.

and, calcium?

calcium seems to be less effective, and i think i'm doing ok. while the d came in "lowish" but normal, the calcium was actually pretty high. and, high calcium apparently creates heart problems and just ends up as kidney stones, in the end. if they insist, fine, but...

(high calcium serum levels could also be evidence of bone loss more than evidence of sufficient absorption, though)

i'm also going to contact the endocrinologist directly and ask him about immediate injections. there's another medication called calcitonin that is covered and seems to have less vicious side effects than the alendronate but you have to inject it. it also seems to be estrogen based. so, what's the best approach here - estrogen injections or calcitonin?

and, i should go back to walking to the store rather than biking...

the thing is that all of these approaches can only try to stop loss. none of them can reverse anything. and, these numbers are terrible - i need some way to reverse it.

one thing that may increase bmd is fluoride pills, but you apparently have to get to it early in order to make a difference. am i early enough? well, it's osteopenia and not osteoporosis, so probably. there's also some suggestion that messing with your thyroid hormones might help, as they seem to be directly responsible for calcium metabolism. but, the only really serious way to do this is probably via gene editing, and, once again, i'm stuck waiting and hoping we get there.

so, i should test for the following hormones and markers to try to grasp whether the loss is ongoing or historical:

- pth

- calcitonin

- oseteocalcin

- igf-1

- cortisol

- balp