i have avoided claiming that palestinian recognition is a victory for hamas. i think that's overly simplistic, and it ignores the reality that the plans or recognition are conditional on hamas no longer existing.

clearly, however, hamas itself thinks it's winning.

and that's a problem that should cause governments in canada and the uk to recalculate.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2025/aug/03/israel-gaza-war-hamas-releases-second-video-of-hostage

this morning was a pretty rough experience. however, i've doubled up on the suppressors and i'm feeling better. i can't test for viagra, but i caught the elevated testosterone. they may have recently been trying to drug me with viagra without testosterone, and it didn't work.

they woke me up around 9:30, and i spent all day in the shower before falling asleep in the evening. i need to finish the shower tonight and hopefully maybe get my hair dyed.

as mentioned, i had the bread with peanut butter on friday night and then didn't eat at home again until sunday morning. it didn't appear to make any difference, in terms of the drugging. i had a handful of marshmallows, two bananas and a chocolate bar after the blood test and then passed out last night before eating. i actually slept well last night, but slept poorly this morning. i slept well again tonight.

what i'm determining over the next few days is whether i think the drugs are in my food. if the drugs are in my food, i have a case of illegal entry and need to fie a lawsuit and plan to move. i don't think that's the case, but i need to more rigorously rule it out.

i actually think it's in the pot. there was somebody smoking a large amount of pot outside my window last night, and i think that's what the source was for this morning. i'm also concerned somebody might be entering through my window and drugging me by inserting something in my anus, which would be utterly psychotic, but it seems to be what's happening.

i have now eaten the marshmallows and the crispy crunches. the next thing to put in my coffee is a box of salted caramel iced latte instant coffee. this is a coffee product itself, but instead of making it with water or milk, i'm going to make it with coffee.

well, i should have one with water to see what it's like by itself, but i'm trying the first one with coffee.

i'll need to make some more pasta tonight as well.

my head is splitting. my body is in chaos. this isn't supposed to be what's happening. i'm supposed to be post-operative and rapidly finishing my transition, not fighting with some stupid religious idiots.

- june 16th: doubled up salsa with chick peas, cheese, spices and vitamins.

- june 17th: onion soup bacon poutine

- june 18th: basic doritos nachos and french onon soup with bacon

- june 19th: doubled up salsa reprise

- june 20th: caesar salad without subs

- june 21st: 2nd onion soup poutine with onion soup and last chance salad

- june 22rd: 3rd onion soup poutine with onion soup with beets

- june 23rd: caesar salad without subs

- june 24th: caesar salad without subs

- june 25th: bacon and eggs without subs, no salsa

- june 26th: bacon and eggs without subs, no salsa

- june 27th: ad hoc pad thai

- june 28th: broccoli soup

- june 29th: fridge-clearing meal (oranges & garlic bread)

- june 30th: kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 1st:    kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 2nd:  kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 3rd:  10 packages of instant oatmeal, in 5 installments. spaghetti-os + spices & vitamins (cumin, cayenne, pepper, oregano, paprika, sunflower seed, hemp seed, nutritional yeast, frank's).

- july 4th:  a can of stew and a can of corn, plus spices & vitamins.

- july 5th: a package of jasmine rice i had put aside as a quinoa sub (it probably isn't), with a can of peas and a can of tomato soup, plus spices and vitamins.

- july 6th: a can of beans cooked in a can of vegetable soup, plus spices and vitamins.

- july 7th:  two cans of chicken noodle soup, plus spices and vitamins. tim's xl double-double coffee in morning. two builders protein mini bars in evening. 7-11 coffee with jalapeno taquito late at night.

- july 8th: food bank junk food eat through - two bags of "real vegetable chips" (one big, one small), a bag of goldfish crackers, one mini crispy crunch, some strawberry licorice, prime energy drink, two tim horton's donuts, little ceasar's pepperoni pizza with unlabelled chocolate milk product.

- july 9th: another prime energy drink with another unlabelled chocolate milk product, unlabelled food bank ginger bread (two loaves)

- july 10th: pasta with minor subs (1), third energy drink, sour cream n cheddar chips

- july 11th: sour cream 'n' bacon, sour cream 'n' onion chips

- july 12th: more licorice, pasta with minor subs (2)

- july 13th: jalapeno cheddar chips, pasta with minor subs (3)

- july 14th: 10 baby cookies, pasta with minor subs (4)

- july 15th: i ate most of the 14th pasta on the 15th and followed it with the remaining baby cookies (which are actually french butter cookies, not baby cookies. they look like baby cookies). i did not make pasta for the 15th.

- july 16th:.  pasta with minor subs (5)

- july 17th:  pasta with minor subs (6)

- july 18th (on the 19th):  pasta with minor subs (7)

- july 19th (on the 20th): cereal (one bowl of vector and all bran with paprika, flax, nutritional yeast, hemp seeds and soy, as per my normal diet and one bowl of instant oatmeal with a little real milk and an apple)

- july 20th (on the 21st): pasta with minor subs (8)

- july 21st (on the 22nd): pasta with minor subs (9)

- july 22nd: cereal day 2 in cycle 2 (final cycle 2 cereal day): one bowl of vector and all bran with paprika, flax, nutritional yeast, hemp seeds and soy, as per my normal diet and one bowl of instant oatmeal with a little real milk and two apples, one in the oatmeal and one standalone.

- july 23rd: cereal day 1 in cycle 3

- july 24: pasta with minor subs (10)

- july 25: cereal day 2 in cycle 3, same as 22 and 23, with the addition of 6 mini apple sauce containers.

- july 26: pasta with minor subs (11)

- july 27th - guac with white rice and canned corn. two pieces of white broad with plum better.

- july 28th: pasta with minor subs (12)

- july 29th: guac with white rice and canned corn. two pieces of white toast with olive oil margarine, and then two pieces of white bread with plum butter after. four more pieces of white bread, with plum butter and strawberry jam. 

- july 30th: pasta with minor subs (13), including fried chicken for salami.

- july 31st: a larger piece of fried chicken alone. pasta with minor subs (14), including a mix of buffalo and chicken for salami. six pieces of white bread for peanut butter and strawberry jam.

- aug 1st: four pieces of white bread and the rest of the peanut butter. quinoa without subs (on aug 3rd).

- aug 2nd: four marshmallows, two bananas and a chocolate bar. quinoa without subs (on aug 3rd).

- aug 3rd: pasta with minor subs (14), including the buffalo/chicken mix for salami (on aug 4th).

sounds like somebody needed horse blood for a ritual.

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/hamilton/horse-killed-welland-1.7599783

i am again using my blog as a word processor.

i recently woke up and experienced the effects of being drugged on thursday, july 31. i believe i was drugged over the last weekend. there were a few events that i documented with police, including waking up with my scrotum apparently having been swabbed, which i've experienced before.

i want to be clear that police have asked me for these results several times over several years. i'm empirically driven and have understood why, but was unable to get them until now. now that i have the results, and they uphold my claims, they won't accept them. it's both curious and suspicious and if this is a block being erected in front of me on my path to bringing these criminals to justice, i'm going to need to ram through it as necessary. i have no choice but to be as aggressive as possible.

i received my second blood test results, and they are clearly demonstrating my concerns are valid. the first test picked up secondary markers, and was taken too late after being drugged to catch direct markers. the second test was still a day late but picked up direct markers that are more or less exactly what i was expecting. unfortunately.

i actually hoped to prove myself wrong. i've instead proven myself right.

next time, i will go on the day of being drugged. i expect it will capture the very high testosterone result i've been expecting to catch for months.

i doubled up on the t-blockers before i went to bed tonight and am feeling better. i may need to get in the habit of taking t-blockers before i go to sleep in order to block their "therapy".

i need to be clear: i have no testicles. testosterone is not created by magic pixies swimming in your blood, waiving a wand. if you don't have balls, you don't have testosterone. it's that simple.

(unless, maybe, you have cancer. i can and should rule that out, but it's remote, given all of the other tests i've been doing. if i do happen to have cancer, that doesn't explain the conversations i've had with my harassers, who are real enough to talk to me on a regular basis.)

there is no way for my body to manufacture it's own testosterone in any substantive quantity. if the test picks testosterone spikes up, i am necessarily being drugged. my body cannot make it. and you don't eat it in food, you have to make it.

the following results are atypical of my blood chemistry and indicate i'm being drugged with male hormones against my will. 

RBC COUNT 4.42 3.7 - 5 X E12/L  (higher than normal, suggests elevated testosterone)

HEMOGLOBIN 142 115 - 150 g/L   (higher than normal, suggests elevated testosterone)

CORTISOL LATE DAY 231 nmol/L  (this is very high. it should be less than 100.)

TESTOSTERONE 1.1 0 - 1.8 nmol/L  (i never, ever, ever test higher than 0.5. this is catching it on the way out, after having already hiked my hemoglobin. i'm sure it would have been higher the day before. try #3 will react to this.)

URINE CREATININE Above 22.02 5 - 16 mmol/L (not as high, still high)

URINE ALBUMIN Above 43 0 - 20 mg/L  (still high)

GFR - 78 for female, about 105 for male. as stated previously, there's no obvious way to calculate this. 

creatinine in urine suggests a loss in muscle mass. where is this muscle mass coming from?

lest anybody question the point, i'll clarify that i am taking my meds:

PROGESTERONE 73.8 nmol/L

ESTRADIOL 794 pmol/L

PROLACTIN 54.38 ug/L

those are levels consistent with pregnant women. they're quite high, actually. higher than usual.

further, suppressed fsh and lh indicate i'm not producing my own testosterone. if i were generating my own testosterone, these results would be much higher:

FSH 0.3 IU/L

LH <0.2 IU/L

these results indicate that 

1) my testosterone is much higher than normal, both directly and indirectly

2) that testosterone was introduced and not generated, which was obvious anyways, because i'm castrated.

i was not able to find a lab that would measure testosterone in urine that was open on aug 2nd. i haven't called lifelabs, who were closed, yet. this test might not be available in ontario. this was intended to be the key test. the implication is that it would be higher than would be expected, but i could not get it tested. i don't want to fabricate results.

the first result was a monday. this result was a saturday. the next result will need to be on a friday, and then i'll try on a thursday that i think i've been drugged. they always start harassing me on wednesdays or thursdays, after drugging me shortly before then.

this is step one, and it's the second of what i expect will be three or four tries to catch it. step two is getting the information to police and forcing them to react in a way that they clearly don't want to, but are going to have to in order to uphold the law, whether they like it or not. the police are going to be forced to make these arrests, eventually. i'm a victim of third degree rape, of stalking and of conversion therapy, and i want the perpetrators to be indicted for it. 

i understand that this is insane. you don't have to tell me this is insane; i'm the one living it. the evidence is unfolding as i expected it would and police need to react appropriately. it is correct to observe that this is insane, but it is what it is.

the mystery as to who is doing this has advanced somewhat.

in recent days, i've become aware of the possibility that it may be police that are drugging me. in truth, i've realized this as a possibility for a while. i have had conflict with the local muslim community because i've stood up for the values of secularism and because i don't care if they like my lifestyle choices or not. they have targeted me, and they are a powerful lobby group in this area, with substantial influence on city council and at city hall. they get what they want because they pay for it. if that is the case, as i believe it is, i'm going to need to get some kind of investigation launched, into the windsor police's infiltration by the local muslim cult groups, perhaps by the rcmp. there are a substantial number of muslim police officers in the windsor police force, and they treat me discernibly differently than officers of non-italian european ancestry do. it's a very noticeable difference; the white officers tend to take me seriously to the limited point that i've been able to advance my argument, are sympathetic and want to provide suggestions as to the evidence they need to form reasonable grounds while the muslim officers are overwhelmingly transphobic and consistently treat me like i'm some kind of pervert or sexual deviant that is getting what i deserve and should be arrested for resisting it. given the negative way that religions like islam treat any break from heteronormativity, i think it's important that the windsor police try to minimize contact between muslim police officers (who show up to work without grooming themselves, and are consequently hard to take seriously or respect) and both white and not white queer people, as there's a severe power imbalance that has the potential to lead to conservative muslim officers persecuting minorities in canada, as happens regularly in the muslim world, and which i presume nobody except them wants. i don't yet have an oiprd complaint to make, but i would request this be investigated by a white officer, and not by a muslim. the muslim officers can police their own, i guess, but i don't want to be oppressed by conservative muslim officers, as i'm pushing back against an attack on me by the right-wing muslim community and because islam is a religion and therefore a mind control cult like all other religions, i would expect muslim officers to prioritize their allegiance to their cult over their allegiance to secular law and the state, which is a problem that needs to be recognized and taken seriously. i might have to launch some kind of private prosecution, but i'm blocked by my inability to determine the identity of the stalkers. i need police to step in to figure out who they are.

i ran a title search on the land parcel, which cost me $40. it indicates no changes in land ownership have occurred since 2016. this rules out the hypothesis that the land was recently purchased by the previous owners, which was a reasonably good guess that the evidence didn't uphold, but that just makes the identity of the stalkers that much more mysterious. i know there's three people - a husky male that seems to be arabic, a person that is female-identifying and somebody that sounds like a younger male. they are currently spending a lot of time in the unit directly below me. i don't know if they are guests of the tenants or if the property management is in some way involved. it doesn't rule out the possibility that the female identifying voice is one of the previous owners, and the previous owners were clearly at least aware of what was going on in the previous space.

i am left with three hypothesis as to how i'm being drugged. one is that i'm being injected with something in my anus by somebody that is periodically getting in here somehow, and i do have a fair amount of circumstantial evidence upholding this. i keep going back to this because it's where the evidence is. the second is that somebody is drugging my food, and if that is the case they would require a key to enter the apartment or be able to get in through the window. i have noticed signs of tampering around the windows. i think this is actually the least likely. the third hypothesis is that i'm breathing something in and that this may be being masked by marijuana use in the building. i have noticed weird odours that give me brutal hemiplegic headaches with major auras for a long period of time, both here and in the previous apartment. i have actually documented this. while smoking or burning steroids would no doubt be an unusual route of administration, i want to point out that there are nasal testosterone sprays on the market and that nasal administration is consequently medically well-explored:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/testosterone-nasal-route/description/drg-20110174

i need to demonstrate i'm being drugged, first. i will need to figure out how and why after, and i'll need the cops to do that investigation. i actually don't know these answers with any clarity, and have only been able to come up with suggestions. based on what they've told me, the primary motivation is to apply their religious laws on me.

some of the recipients of this report have reacted by calling the police, which is absurd. i'm not breaking any laws by serving you with a document and suggestions that i am are legally incoherent and frivolous. however, given that the police are indicating that they do not want to properly investigate, and whether it is because they are involved or just due to a right-wing/conservative bias on the force, i'm actually left in the position where requesting police seek (and fail to obtain) a warrant is probably the fastest way i'm going to get this in front of a judge. i can't be intimidated by muslim police officers into not defending myself against an attack by the muslim community. i would consequently request that the police go ahead and put all of these emails in front of a judge, with the further request that the justice determine how best to launch an investigation into what is going on, and figure out the identity of my stalkers, who will not stop harassing me until they are arrested.