Friday, June 18, 2021

the last release that i left off at, dated to may 2003, was inri074, the leaving ottawa recording that i put together right before i took off.

so, that's 75 releases from 1996-2003.

and, it's time to get to inri075, now.

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around october, 2002 i met a friend. i was sort of in need of a friend, and i mean that in the friend sense. but, the mental condition i was in was the explanation of why i needed a friend, if you see what i mean; i was completely unstable in this period and did all kinds of absurd things, which isolated me - and i wasn't getting any better. 

i dropped out of school under the realization that i was walking down a path that wasn't getting me anywhere close to what i wanted out of life. i ended up working three jobs to raise money for gender reassignment, and it crossed me paths with somebody that was also trying to think of ways to get out of the box in terms of ways to exist. 

she was trying to save up money to go to british columbia. it was some kind of warped take on the grapes of wrath, where everything works out perfectly. but, the rent was eating into her savings, which was making the goal seem impossible. well, unless we stopped having fun. 

so, i suggested she should just stay at my parents place. part of it was a hope that she would move her drum kit in, although that didn't happen. and, i might add that this was done with all of the reckless abandon that could be contemplated - we were moving stuff in without even asking, it was really remarkable. 

and, it seemed to me that we were getting pretty close over that period. 

so, when the time came that she had all that money put aside to go to bc, it was kind of a downer to let her go. and, she initially wanted to go with a friend who dropped out. so, i ended up going across the country with her. 

now, i need to be clear: we weren't planning on coming back. we were going to pick fruit or something - we didn't know, exactly, we'd figure it out when we got there. 

so, this was meant as a sort of farewell to certain people i hadn't talked to in months and didn't care if i was leaving, anyways. i think it let me work some things out on weird subconscious levels, but the truth is that these songs really aren't about anybody except me, and there's no use in pretending they are - i just liked the idea of a farewell disc. 

this disc was initially passed around with a cut up version of the pretentious untitled mix at the end, but this was almost immediately ejected from future burns and is not present on this ep due to the poor quality of the mix. the remaining five tracks became combined into what i now call my eighth symphony. 

written and recorded in late 2002 and early 2003. this was initially uploaded unmodified from a cd-r rip on may 3, 2015, but this was replaced with a version from source on nov 29, 2017 due to clipping due to an unrealized normalization on the burn. disc finalized as symph008 on nov 29, 2017. as always, please use headphones. 

the hidden track is the final version and also appears on my ninth record, {e} (inri08x): jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/e 

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (2003, 2015, 2017). 

released may 3, 2003 

j - guitar, effects, bass, synth, voice, piano, drum programming, generative programming (sounder), granular synthesis, sound design, soundscaping, loops, bowls, claps, tables, ebow, orchestral sequencing, digital wave editing, sampling, production, composition 

the various rendered electronic orchestras include piano, synth pad, choir and string section.

yeah...

...i'd suspect that any medication that increases bone formation is going to be carcinogenic, in the long run. what i really want is a way to shut resorption down to almost nothing.

and, you do that with the kind of estrogen injections i've tried to avoid.

if i'm sure i'm getting the testicles removed now, these injections could potentially be temporary, and just intended as a bone density therapy, more than anything else. and, i could potentially keep up with the pills for the estrone, too.

let me focus more on resorption markers, first.
Recent study has also shown that the activity of serum total ALP >129 U/L is used as an indicator for osteoporosis in men [16]. Moreover, the decrease of total ALP has been demonstrated with the treatment with alendronate from 79.7 U/L to 64.8 U/L [17]. The results indicate that total ALP can be used as an indicator to reflect the efficiency of drug treatment for osteoporosis.

so, if i'm in the 61-63 range then i've already been through treatment...

this would indicate that my osteoblasts are working correctly, and i'm able to reform bone that's been resorbed. but, what i really want is resorption markers that measure osteoclasts and i don't think any of the markers i asked for actually do that.

the alp came in at about the same as before - 63 iu/l. it was 61 last time. so, if i'm losing bone density right now, it's not bad enough to boost the alp up into elevated ranges.

what i really need to check for is b-alp, but that lab doesn't do it (and misunderstood the lab sheet). that's fine - this is helpful. i mean, it's the delta that's valuable, and it's within any reasonable margin of error.

that is probably enough to conclude i'm not actively leeching density but rather have a historical problem. there's really no way for me to know if the malnutrition was when i was 15 or 25, but i need to know if i need to change something now or if i've already changed it. but, i want as much information as i can get before i move forwards with the orchidectomy, asap.
this actually strikes me as a promotion for ms. fullerton and a substantive demotion for mr. phillips.

https://www.thestar.com/politics/provincial/2021/06/18/doug-ford-dumps-five-minister-in-cabinet-shuffle.html
there are a trickle of issues coming through - heart issues, blood clot issues. if i was a 75 year old diabetic, i'd be willing to take that risk. but, why would i take a risk like that when i'm young and healthy? 

it's not in my self-interest.

sorry.
i want longer term studies - like, ten years - before i risk injecting something into me that will almost certainly provide me with no measurable benefit, whatsoever.

there's no upside to me getting vaccinated - it's an entirely pointless, stupid risk.

and, by the time the studies are done, i'll be in a more appropriate demographic for it.
if you're going to give me the opportunity to stop traffic like this to stand up for my rights, you can be sure that i'll gleefully do it.
i don't think it's appropriate for the government to attempt to coerce healthy, young people into getting vaccinated for a mild virus in some kind of quixotic quest to win on twitter.

i currently have no plans to get vaccinated, and if that slows everything down then the government should change it's policies - or risk an election in an unnecessary lockdown due to it's own foolishness.


i got my fit test dropped off tonight...

i didn't catch up on eating last night before i passed out and have decided i had to skip a day. listen, if i can get 5 days a week in on this schedule, i'm eating a 1000x times better than i ever have. but, i'm a skinny person and i can only eat so much...

but, the way i'm going to do this is to make the art show demo the divine amoebas single. i mean, that;s what it actually is - half-finished demos from the isomorphism, and the completed divine amoebas. that's what a single parked there would be, too. it also doubles as the "material completed in my mom's apartment" release, along with the cassette demos (sarah's) and all you need (dad's basement). so, that period splits cleanly along "where i lived" lines, and then i just need to finish the lost symphony and insert it as inri078.

i intend to get that finished tonight, but we'll see what actually happens.
if fully vaccinated people are spreading the virus, then unvaccinated people are no more of a threat than vaccinated ones are and the logical conclusion is to open the border immediately...

but, we're not dealing with rational actors or reasonable people in the pmo, nowadays - we're dealing with a clique of amateurs that are reading the polls like tea leaves, basing policy on mass ignorance and then trying to trick you into thinking it's science.

it's beyond frustrating, but i saw this coming months ago and don't expect the border to open in any substantive way until after the next election, whenever it is.
At the same time, we also know we have to hit our targets of 75 per cent vaccinated with the first dose, at least 20 per cent vaccinated with the second dose before we can start loosening things up because even a fully vaccinated individual can pass on COVID-19 to someone who is not vaccinated

this is a characteristically incoherent statement from justin trudeau - he does this every other day, and has been for years.

if fully vaccinated people are spreading the virus (which is dubious, to be kind), then what's the point of getting vaccinated? we could get to 100% vaccination and not succeed in stopping the spread of the virus.

so, there's two ways to parse something absurd like this from your acting, fuctional head of state:

1) you can be naive and decide that they're idiots and don't understand what they're saying and have no business writing policy - which all evidence suggests is true. or
2) the government is (not so) subtly broadcasting that this never really ends. and i'm increasingly worried about this...

there's no necessary mutual exclusion, either.

tumours are ubiquitous.

everybody has tumours.

you have tumours.

the question is if these are big, aggressive tumours or small, benign ones. and, what that cea result says is that my tumors are at least small, if not benign. and, that's all the test can say. you need other tests to determine if your small tumors are benign or not...

i'm a smarty-pants, i know how to read these results and don't need a government to protect me from my own stupidity in misinterpreting them.
testing my cortisol is difficult because my schedule is all over the place.

but, it came in at 325, which is highish for pm but normal for am. it's not absolutely high.
cea is 1.4 - very low.

along with the negative fit test, chances of cancer - including chances of bone cancer - just plummeted to almost zero. but, i'll be talking to a gastroenterologist in the next few days and an endocrinologist in august. my doctor is going to strangle me because i keep proving him wrong and he is getting pissed off about it, but, i mean...

ok.

that was the scary thing.

but i still don't know what the fuck the problem actually is...

i'm actually probably going to ask the doctor to take all of these results and sit down with a bunch of other doctors. we've tested for almost everything and found nothing, except lowish gastrin and highish salicylates - both of which are vanishingly obscure.

markers for crohn's and colitis are still coming, but cea should actually be elevated for both of those, too. so, if there's anything in there, it's pretty small...

my pth was normal, so the bone issue isn't due to hyperparathyroidism. and, the other markers are still coming.
this made me chuckle:


i tried to search for some actual case law that cites microaggressions, and i found articles accusing law of being a microaggression, itself.

tell it to the judge, right?

it's a bunch of bullshit...
a few loose ends so they're written down...

i thought about releasing an alternate lp that included the following 2003 components, which are basically comprehensive, in sequence:

1. reflections
2. all you need
3. into oblivion
4. like divine amoebas
5. interplanetary isomorphism

...in some combination of vocal and instrumental tracks but everything's worked out already.

- if you want the full pieces with vocals, listen to inri074, inri076 & inri079 in order.
- what about without vocals? well, like divine amoebas only exists instrumentally on inri077 right now and all you need doesn't exist instrumentally at all. so, i made a decision to put an instrumental version of all you need (along with the pending noise intro) as a segue between reflections and isomorphism on the first side of the upcoming trivial group 2xlp. in that space, into oblivion is remixed and segues directly into isomorphism; in fact, they're combined into a single, epic song. further, isomorphism then runs directly into xenophanes. so, there's nowhere to put amoebas, except right after all you need, and that's not sitting with me well, not for the least reason being that the track is released on ftaa. so, should the version on ftaa be stripped of vocals, then, to place the instrumental version on a record? then, i'd have to move the vocal version to a single. of the major records (inri, inriched, inridiculous, deny everything, jjjjjjjjj, jjjjjjjjj^2, ftaa), the only vocal track is stress - everything else is discarded as singles. so, this would only be the second retained vocal track. do i really want that, or do i want a vocals-only single for amoebas like the others? is that too much overlap? 
- so, i was looking at a divine amoebas single, which is another way to do it. if i do this, i'll need to date it to right before the art show demo, and push the ftaa up inri081.
-  i'm going to explore the idea of splicing the end of all you need with the end of a transfer for the record, though.
- that said, there will be a vocals-only compilation released at the end of period 3 with all of the vocal tracks from periods 2 &3 (post-inrimoved).
the update for june 17th is coming soon, and it needs to be the completed version of ftaa record - my 7th lp, finally.

we'll see if i stop there or keep going.
so, the period 3.1 post for june 16th was the art show demo, inri079, which i uploaded as is some time ago and dated to early january, 2004. there will be a number of historical demos released over period 3 that contain half-finished music because i circulated them that way; it's really a relic of the period when cd burning was easily accessible and everybody listened to music that way.

what it is is an unfinished mix of the interplanetary isomorphism symphony, with the track "like divine amoebas" inserted into the middle. "all you need" had already been dropped by then, but the symphony is simply not yet complete.

so, i mean, it's a historical relic, but it's also interesting for what it is - as an alternate lp.

the bulk of this will appear on the trivial group lp in completed instrumental form, whereas "like divine amoebas" appears largely as is on the ftaa ep. 


updating this...

my next set of requested tests will be to do with low stomach acid and so far includes:

1) gastrin (fast)
2) amino acid fractionation (fast)
3) aluminum 

=====

these tests are pending at lifelabs:
- asca   <---crohn's
- mercury
- pth
- cortisol
- cea
- p-anc/c-anca
- alp (again)

this test is pending from dynacare:
- fit test #2

this test requires a 12 hour fast:
- amino acid fractionation   <-----total nitrogen
- gastrin (redo)

these tests can be done next time i go to lifelabs:
- calcitonin
- osteocalcin  ($65 at lifelabs)   
+ 12-hour fasting tests

these tests can be done next time i go to dynacare:
- celiac ($90) <-----maybe.
- igf-1 ($70)  <------wait for other markers, first
- b-alp
- glutathione?
- pyruvate?

not yet ordered:
- psa: ($35 at lifelabs )

this test is covered by ohip but is not offered anywhere in the region:
- serum oxalate
- pyruvate <----manganese

this test is only available in a california lab:
-hepcidin

these tests were skipped, for now:
- vitamin e
- vitamin k
- selenium
- molybdenum
- manganese
- iodine
- copper serum

and, here's my list for absorption regarding my diet:

a - absorbing at high levels
b1 - next time
b2 - next time
b3 - next time
b5 - next time
b6 - next time
b7 - next time
b9 - absorbing at high levels
b12 - absorbing, and increasing stores
c - absorbing, at saturated levels
d - absorbing, but a tad low. i should check again soon.
e - pending  (paid)
cholesterol - perfect
k1 - pending (paid)  <----but ptt, inr, fibrinogen normal
fluoride?
aluminum?
sodium - absorbing & regulating
potassium - absorbing & regulating
magnesium - absorbing & regulating
phosphorus - absorbing & regulating
chlorine - absorbing & regulating
calcium - absorbing & regulating
chromium - next time
manganese - pending (paid) <----but,  pyruvate kinase is coming immediately
iron - not absorbing in food, but absorbing in pills
nickel - next time
copper - absorbing & regulating
zinc - absorbing & regulating
selenium - pending (paid) <----- need to find access to glutathione test, not priority right now
molybdenum - not available <---but pancreatic function is normal
iodine - pending (paid) <-----note that tsh is lowish. checking pth. no sign of goiter. dietary sodium is low...
mercury - pending
lead - low