today's post is the 5th volume of flac dvds.

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purchasing this release does not come with a download. 

inri054: recorded in late 2001 and early 2002. track 6 was constructed in may, 2004 out of files recorded 1999-2001. tracks 1-4 were reconstructed over october, 2014. final mixes were finished on october 18, 2014. released on oct 21, 2014. disc closed on oct 30, 2017. 

inri055: written in early 2002 and recorded and mixed in early 2002 and late 2014. released on nov 15, 2014. expanded, re-released & finalized on nov 1, 2017. 

inri056: written & recorded in late 2001 and early 2002 and mixed in early 2002 and late 2014. released on nov 19, 2014. expanded, re-released and finalized on nov 2, 2017. 

inri057: written and recorded in late 2001 and early 2002. initially sequenced in may, 2002. re-sequenced and first released in june, 2002. re-released in slightly different forms from 2002-2014. resequenced to mimic the original sequencing and re-released on november 8, 2014. except to sequence the record, these files have not been altered since 2002. disc finalized as lp013 on nov 3, 2017. 

inri058: written over 2001 and 2002 and rethought repeatedly between 2002-2014, with no clear resolution in a final mix. reconstructed from source in late 2014 and then rendered at multiple stages to create a series of snapshots. final mixes were completed over the last week of november and the first week of december. released as a two-volume set on dec 7, 2014. the concept was rethought on nov 3, 2017, which led to the inclusion of five more mixes and an expansion to four cds. re-released in four volumes & finalized as symph007 on nov 12, 2017. the raw guitar mix was corrected on jan 6, 2018. 

inri059: written and recorded over 2001 and 2002. mildly remixed in november, 2014 to make the tracks more presentable; nothing substantial was altered, and no new sound was recorded. released on november 19, 2014. re-released on physical media and finalized on nov 14, 2017. 

inri060: written in august, 2002. track one was remixed in december, 2014 to turn the rest of the track up relative to the vocals. released on dec 12, 2014. disc finalized on nov 14, 2017. 

inri061: written over the summer of 2002 and initially recorded in the early fall of 2002. additional writing, arranging, recording, production and mixing occurred from dec, 2014 to apr, 2015. released as a two volume set on april 27, 2015. this release was expanded to include a third disc on nov 17, 2017 and filled in with eight new remixes over the next few days. re-released as a slightly rearranged three volume set and finalized on nov 19, 2017. 

inri062: this track was written in late 2002 and completed over april and may, 2015. released may 11, 2015. disc finalized on nov 20, 2017. 

originally created over the course of 2002, with some files dating to late 2001. this compilation is dated to nov 30, 2002. slowly remastered, reconstituted, compiled, reconstructed, released and finalized from 2014-2017. compilation finalized on nov 21, 2017. as always, please use headphones. 

released november 30, 2002 

j - guitars (electric, acoustic, nylon), electric bass, electric mandolin, sequencers, synthesizers, drum & melodic & orchestral programming, electric air reed organ, digital piano, flute, regular drum kit, electronic drum kit, sampling, digital and analog effects processing, sound design, soundscaping, loops, granular synthesis, noise generators, voice, vocoders, drum & vocal manipulations, digital wave editing, equalizers, production, composition. 

sean - vocals/lyrics (inri054-inri059, inri061), harmonica (inri054, inri057), ring modulator (inri057-inri058), vocal concept (inri062) 

greg - drum performance sample source (inri056-inri058) 

jon - guitar performance (inri057) 

bob - hammering (inri058) 

the various rendered electronic orchestras include acoustic bass, synth bass, electric bass, brass, french horn, trombone, trumpet, tuba, english horn, saxophone, flute, oboe, piccolo, clarinet, bassoon, orchestra hit, drum machine, electronic drum kit, nylon guitar, electric guitar (distorted & clean), acoustic guitar, synthesizers, synthesizer effects, glockenspiel, vibraphone, hammered percussion, music box, tubular bells, bells, agogo, wood blocks, marimba, melodic toms, timpani, taiko drum, backwards cymbals, synth drums, orchestral drum set, harp, koto, piano, bells, mellotron, violin, viola, cello, contrabass and various full string sections. there is also choir.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/flac-dvd-disc-volume-5

but i can't quit my job

why not?

because i have to pay for all this stuff.

indeed. so, what choice are you making here?

i quit my job, and now i don't buy stuff. and, i'm happier for it...

my basic position is this: if you or marx or anybody else don't like what i choose to alienate myself from then fuck you.

and, this idea that i can't see through it - that i'm just brainwashed in some system of control - is insulting, and fuck you for suggesting that, too.

i'll alienate myself from what i bloody well choose to alienate myself from.

and, i think i'm getting my point across. for all of the terminology and pretentious references, this is really just marx getting moral on your ass, about things he has no right to criticize you for. and, he should fuck off.

i'll continue to point to his substantive critique of classical economics, though.

if the individual did not want to be alienated, they would not be.

therefore, alienation does not exist in any sense except as a type of moralism, which is backwards.

qed.

an individual cannot be alienated from themselves, by definition - the supposed alienated individual is the only individual that actually exists. you can imagine some other individual, but it's not real; you can moralize as to what the individual ought to be, but that's just religious bullshit.

the individual merely exists as they are, and that is all.

and, i don't have a lot of time for people that want to argue about nonsense.

i actually think that marx' diatribes about "alienation" are the worthless, masturbatory (and, frankly, bourgeois) parts of marxism that are best done away with, and one of the reasons i'd rather call myself an anarchist. it's also a kind of relic of marx' love-hate relationship with religion, and his inability to completely sever himself from it, the way that kropotkin or bakunin did.

i don't want to be a part of a community, and i don't want to join a political movement that insists i must be, or insists i must define myself that way - i want to be an individual that exists outside of any collectivist entity, and i actually see capitalism as a system that minimizes and distorts the individual (i know that's what marx actually said) rather than one that exalts it. we need collectivism in production to make sense of it, but the point should be to manifest human individuality - and i don't want to join your movement if you want to negate or minimize that.

humans do not have a definable nature or essence in any non-trivial sense, and there is no shared human condition. it's just a bunch of empty philosophizing - bourgeois, pointless nonsense.

as an anarchist, i cite marx for his economic and political ideas; i don't care much for his philosophical positions.

so, how do we overcome this?

meh. i'd rather embrace it...

so, i got the following done:

- salicylate (thinner)

- ascorbic acid (general dietary)

- asca (crohn's)

- mercury (blocker)

...but results are not available, yet.

this lab does not do glutathione, iodine or pyruvate kinase - but the other corporate lab does, so i'll have to take it there, instead. the amino acid fractionation requires a fast (oops). and neither of the labs do serum oxalate, so i'll have to ask the doctor to put urine down instead.

i will have to shop around to see what the best prices are for the cancer screening.

(this post is dated to june 1, 2021 because it describes events over that day. however, it was written on june 11, 2021)

so, once the mediation with the hospital was done, i got on my bicycle and went out to do a blood test at the life labs, which is about a third of the way to belle river, which i needed to get to to get my sealant – and to get some exercise, as my general exercise routine has been corrupted by the border closure during the pandemic. 

the reason i went to this further blood lab is that the closer lab sends large amounts of the tests they do to this lab as a starting point; the local lab mostly does routine tests, whereas anything complicated gets sent to the corporate lab. so, it’s essentially a front for the corporate lab. even that is sort of irrelevant to me, except to point out that i can’t access the results myself once they’ve been sent off, i need to wait to talk to my doctor, which i find frustrating. the reasoning behind going to the corporate lab is to get access to the results before i can talk to the doctor. i wanted less than five vials taken on this day before i headed to the outskirts of town, so the fact that they could only do four of the options worked out well for me. i just had to get to the lifelabs by 2:45, then make it to belle river before 6:00 – which i was able to accomplish rather effortlessly.

as it was with the previous ride to belle river at the start of may, i barely stopped at all on the way there, which meant i actually made excellent time. and, i wanted to make sure i could stop at the dollar store to get a tarp on the way home, so i rushed back without really stopping, either. i didn’t check the time, but i’m guessing i got into town at about 18:00 or so – lots of time to stop into the dollar store for 30 second to get a tarp, right?

there are dollaramas spaced across tecumseh like tim horton’s – they’re every couple of intersections, and i knew that, even if i wasn’t sure exactly where each one was. it should be pointed out that there are closed big box stores at almost every mall up this strip, many of which have left behind these still thriving dollaramas, and it says a little about the demographics of this city, as well as a little about the prices in these larger stores. where ronas and home depots and ikeas fail, dollaramas flourish. well, i’m seeking their $4 tarps for a reason – i don’t want to pay $30 for the same thing at walmart. who would, actually?

the first sign i saw was at the tecumseh mall, which has been on life support since i moved here. this dollarama was outright closed for the remainder of the pandemic, and we’ll have to see if it recovers or not (i’d bet it will).

the next one was across the street, sandwiched between a value village and a maternity store. this one was closed at 18:00.

closed at 18:00? what the fuck?

the next one was a few blocks up, beside a freshco, and it was closed at 17:00. so, i’m starting to panic.

i tried the one near the metro – closed at 18:00.

the last one on the way home was beside the next freshco, and i barely made it in before they closed at 19:00 – but they didn’t have a tarp in stock. for fuck’s sake....

...and, 19:00 was the late option, apparently.

so, that’s five attempts to buy a tarp, with no luck. i had no choice but to go home, empty-handed.

i don’t know what the logic of forcing businesses to close early in the pandemic is, but i wasn’t the only person upset about it. the store had a line-up of people outside, baffled by the early closing time. i mean, the grocery store next door was open until 22:00, so what’s the point of forcing the dollar store to close early? and, if there are people trying to get in after 19:00, forcing them to come in early is just increasing the number of people in the store. there’s no logic in this, unless the logic is that somebody doesn’t want people working at "supper time", because they think they ought to be eating a family dinner, instead. which is just, like....fuck off.....

it was otherwise a good day, though – five hours on the bike, and with a bottle of sealant to show for it.

so, then what i need to ask for for tomorrow is:

- celiac

- cea  (general cancer, often used for colon cancer)

- gastrin  (stomach and pancreatic cancer)

- p-anca  (colitis)

- copper serum

- another fit test

+

- psa (prostate cancer)

- ca 19-9  (general cancer)

& i'll keep at my once-per-month approach to the other minerals and vitamins, too. 

that should tell me if i'm in scaryville or just having some absorption issues, at least.

so, the hospital case is done.

i still have the case with the grocery store (which has not responded. at all.) and the case with the karen. and, the issues with the cops are ongoing.

and, i guess i can get a celiac test done, huh?

so, i got enough to fund the surgery, and then some, meaning it should be enough to make for a weekend in toronto, and then some. the exact amount isn't important, but i can't publish it here as per the terms of agreement.

i can't do anything after the surgery, so if i'm going to party it up, i'll have to do so the night before.

hey - call me a crazy ass drama queen motherfucker, but i got what i wanted, which was funding to get my balls cut out.

now, i need to call the urologist back and make sure they can schedule me.

ok.

here we go...

what am i expecting from this? frankly, not much.

i need to find a way to get the surgery done asap in windsor or, if that is not offered, ensure i have the funds to get to toronto to do it, there. this process needs to pay for that, at the very least.

so, i got my most recent blood rec in the mail. i'm just writing it down here because the lab i went to has apparently dropped a few results.

i'm still waiting for vitamin a. i'll talk to him tomorrow about that. i should get the bone mineral density results, as well.

for this blood rec, the following were done on saturday:

- uric acid: 331  (normal)

- inr: 0.9 (normal, to slightly low - but that suggests increased clotting activity, not decreased clotting activity)

- ptt: 30 seconds (normal)

- ptt control: 29 seconds

- lipase: 29 iu/l  (normal)

- amylase: 59 iu/l  (normal)

they told me they were doing fibrinogen, but it didn't come up. maybe they sent it off. i also asked for aptt and it's not in the rec.

as mentioned, that suggests my k absorption is fine, my ability to clot is fine (and i might be getting too much, but i'm also on estrogen, remember), my pancreas is fine, and the markers i was looking for for molybdenum and manganese do not flag absorption problems with either.

so, what's left is:

- oxalate  (iron blocker)

- salicylate (blood thinner)

- fibrinogen? (part of vitamin k test)

- mercury  (blocker, and bad news in general)

- aptt? (part of vitamin k test)

- glutathione (selenium, and general curiosity)

- amino acid fractionation (absorption, and diet check)

- iodine (absorption, and thyroid)

- pyruvate (manganese)

- ascorbic acid (absorption)

 - asca (crohn's)

when i talk to him next, i'm going to add:

- cea

- gastrin

- copper serum

and, we'll need to wait until next time before i can do research into b vitamins and potential indirects for them.

the next ten years in the united states are going to have hurricanes like nobody's ever seen. these mostly won't affect canada, which will broadly benefit from climate change.

but, something that will happen here and that we're going to have to adapt to is a northwards moving of the tornado line from the american midwest to the canadian prairies. koto, i don't think we're in saskatchewan, anymore.

...and, it may actually make the american midwest a particularly attractive place to relocate, as a relatively warm enclave that is both too far inland to get nailed by the hurricanes and, increasingly, too far south to deal with devastating tornadic activity - even if it's increasingly too warm to grow food.

https://www.theweathernetwork.com/ca/news/article/may-25-storms-produce-canadas-first-ef-2-tornadoes-in-2021

hey, scientific socialism would necessitate that the weather forecast be properly dialectical, right?

"marxist meteorology"

i think this gets the right idea for the summer. my weather forecasting may seem hokey, but it's just because it's based on a broader interpretation of the various oscillations that define the weather (and are broadly determined by solar output, first and foremost) and is adjusted to be specifically dialectical. so, i can't tell you what it's going to be like tomorrow, but i can provide a broader concept of what is happening.

the models want to focus on the pacific, and i understand why, but i think it's a mistake in the eastern part of north america. here, the same basic struggle between the warming atlantic and the now receding vortex (technically, the vortex is strengthening, but it means the cold air is receding) is what is going to primarily define the weather here, not pacific air from the west. as the vortex is receding with the sun, and the warming of the atlantic is accelerating, we should have a broadly warmer summer than we have had recently. if we get periodic shots of hot air from the pacific, it could lead to higher humidity as a kind of extra level of warmth, but it won't affect the general forecast.

the fact that the cold air is going to be receding for the next several years should amplify the effects of global warming in the atlantic, but we're still near the bottom of the cycle, remember. it's going to take some time for the energy at the northern latitudes, along that nasty tilt we have on our planet, to rebuild as it always does. so, if we see something like a lull in hot air from the atlantic due to too many hurricanes, or some particularly nasty cyclones in the east pacific, it could allow the lingering cold air to overtake the limes and sack the south.

but, i'm going to suggest we should broadly lean towards a warmer than usual summer due to the dominance of the warming atlantic on the patterns in the region.

and, i'm also going to expect a heavy hurricane season, as well - which our neighbours to the south should prepare for.

https://www.theweathernetwork.com/ca/news/article/canadas-2021-summer-weather-forecast

there's a certain framing that comes out of this kind of thing that goes something like this:

"we used to be a racist society built on colonialism and genocide, but we got better. now, we have identity politics and neo-liberalism, instead - and all of that stuff is done with. so, come work for our logging company."

i'm a robot. i get it. but, my main concern is not what happened 200 years ago, it's what's happening right now. and, even if you're obliged to feel a little bit more than i am, don't lose that basic point - the present is more important than the past.

they found a mass burial of some kids in a "residential school", which was a kind of internment camp for indigenous people run by the catholic church, in kamloops. the suggestion is that they were probably killed by the administrators of the school. there was no previous record of this - in fact no previous record that the kids were even missing.

indigenous women continue to "disappear" in that part of the country on a regular basis, and everybody knows the government is killing them. they keep squashing inquiries. this is something that is happening and we can do something about to try to stop.

but, i don't know what to do about this mass grave in kamloops besides send the vatican a sternly worded letter. i mean, it's not even clear who the families were.

it's very sad and everything, but i need to remind people that the present is unfolding around us, and there is no deficit of injustices to fight against right now, every day. don't let them sidetrack you into getting angry about ancient history, instead.

that 30 hour day yesterday took so much out of me that i forgot how to add.

(12 + 6 = 18. but, the baseline was 24 hours, not 12 hours, and 24 + 6= 30.)

it's nice and warm in here, and i'm not complaining, but the heaters make me so tired. if i was outside in 30 degree humidity, i wouldn't be falling asleep, but my thermostat says 30 degrees on it, and it's all from the dry heater, and it's just cutting me down. 

or, maybe i'm dying of brain cancer.

but, they'll just tell me to get a colonoscopy...

"doctor, i'm....."

"colonoscopy. immediately."

"but, i didn't even...."

"irrelevant. colonoscopy. now. bend over."

"but, i'm gaining weight...."

"irrelevant."

"...and my blood tests say that...."

"the ministry instructs that you must enjoy your colonoscopy right now!"

they're all gay men, too - they all have lisps.

i'm pretty sure i have a handle on this mediation thing, which is earlier than i thought - it's at 9:30. i thought it was at 12:00. so, i'm going to get to narrating the last few days.

the short of it is that i need to wait ten days for the fit test results (but they might not be useful), that i'm not dealing with clotting issues (except maybe too much clotting) and that my pancreas is fine. together, these things suggest my trace minerals are probably ok.

can you hear the ping-pong fade-out from 4:02 to 5:32?

if you can't, it's because the mp3 cut it out - because it exists strictly in a frequency band that the algorithm decided isn't important.

i didn't do this on purpose, but it's a strong demonstration of the limitations of the technology.

should i just remaster everything so it can with withstand the onslaught?

no.

it's the algorithm...

see, what the mp3 algorithm does is decide that there are certain spectra of sound that people don'r care about, anyways. what i'm doing is filling in those spectra, in utter defiance.

so, i'm not going to compromise, i'm going to tell low bitrate mp3s to fuck off.

also...

lalalala - and versions, including the one on the sixth record - is one of the tracks that compresses very badly. the detail of the track is all in the reverb, which is heavier here than almost anywhere else in my discography. i've got reverb coming from a dozen different places, including the environmental audio effects. this reverb is creating all kinds of interesting artefacts and sound effects in places that an mp3 compressor (which is almost as bad as a corporate rock producer) is just going to squash out of existence.

the version on the album has this ping-pong reverb from about 4:04 to about 5:32 that you can't hear at all on bandcamp. like, i don't mean that it's been crushed or distorted - it's just gone. instead, you get about a minute and a half of silence. there should be a delay there, but it's just utterly inaudible due to the compression algorithm deciding that it exists in unimportant frequency ranges.

so, this is kind of a ubiquitous problem for a sound artist, faced with the normality of low quality sound devices. this is an extreme example - you can't even hear the song. at all. - but it demonstrates the nature of the problem.

and, all i can tell you is that it sounds great in lossless audio through a decent amp and good headphones.

for now, the best way to get around it is to feed it into an external amp at low volume and crank the amp. but, ultimately, the compression is irreversible, and the detail is not recoverable from the format.

so, my nose is bleeding.

it's a little dry in here, but...

*sigh*. the doctor has to treat me for colon cancer because it's what the probabilities say, and what the direction from the ministry says. i've realized this recently - doctors in canada are actually overwhelmingly regulated. you might imagine that you're going to an educated specialist that is going to react creatively, using their base of knowledge, but it's really not like that; it's more like you're going to see a drone worker that is following a decision tree that their boss (the state.) gave them, and could face severe penalties if they try to actually use their brain.

i told him immediately that i was more concerned about my brain bleeding than my stomach bleeding. i told the er doctor the same thing. they both ignored me and followed the decision tree, instead.

it's dystopic, really.

so, i've been trying to get these gastro-intestinal tests over with to get them out of the decision tree, but it's been impossible, because you're just stuck with even more obstructions when you try to speed it up, or get around the lobbyists.

you will have a colonoscopy, and you will like it!

it might just be dry in here. but, if they had listened to me, they might have been able to catch this before it's too late.

now, what do i do?

i dunno. i don't want to go to the hospital for a nosebleed. and, i know they're just going to schedule me a colonoscopy.