it is a small step forward for beardos, but a giant step backwards for western civilization.

there are even articles up at major newspapers explaining that vance is the first major candidate with facial hair in 75 years.

did the culture change 75 years ago? what happened to make westerners all of a sudden reject facial hair?

something did change, and it is called public health practices. there is no doubt a very clear pictorial representation possible that graphs "advances in public health" directly against "general acceptance of and public comfortableness with beardos", in an inverse causal relationship.

even if he loses badly, the fact that he's on the ticket at all is consequently just another example of america's decline and a demonstration of how it's decided to try to turn the clocks back, even if it as an overshoot past america's high point. this definitely proves beyond any question of a doubt that america is moving backwards and embracing backwardsness.

you could get upset about it, or you could react with some levity and watch rob newman's a history of the world backwards.

vance does have a major weakness, though, and it is all of that disgusting bacteria all over his face. he will need to actually take a shower, first, if we wants to actually become president.

maybe, it was a sneaky trick by don "the coyote" trump to make sure his vp has no chance of succeeding him, but westerners will simply not vote for a man with shit all over his face. that is well established.

some people think it's because facial hair makes men look like they're homeless and can't find access to sanitation facilities, whereas others think it brings up memories of dictators. i have another suggestion.

voters won't vote for men with hair on their face because it makes them look gay. you just don't see many straight men walking around with giant beards, that's more of a gross gay bear thing. in a western cultural context, facial hair should set off your gaydar.

it makes him look like a fag, and that will severely constrain his voting base.

democrats should get that out there, because it's the actual truth; white people, anyways, tend to associate male facial hair with homosexuality. it's a big weakness to exploit.

i mean, he used to shower regularly. this is 2017:

what happened to him?

is he on drugs or something?

there is a phenomenon in american politics called "the empty suit", where these unknown individuals with minimal voting records show up in the midst of crises and manage to trick, i mean unite, the country into voting for them. jd vance is the most recent example of the empty suit, who is quite difficult to defeat.

what makes the empty suit such a difficult opponent is that you can't assign anything to them, so people project whatever they want on to them. what is jd vance? whatever you want him to be, baby.

the last empty suit we had was barack obama and, while i did not like bush very much, i did not fall for obama or his rhetoric. at all. for all his talk of hope and change, he was quite obviously the status quo candidate. i was in truth somewhat partial to john mccain, who was at least known for causing trouble, in a situation where the country needed a rabble-rouser. while mccain saved obama's ass moments before he died, and it is not clear that he would have been a rabble rouser, i was at least right in projecting obama as a status quo candidate, which is what he actually told us about himself. 

barack obama actually self-identifies as a conservative.

you're going to hear everything imaginable about this new empty suit, because that is what an empty suit produces. the truth is that he represents the status quo, and you can expect him to do whatever the bankers tell him to do.

while i don't exactly want joe biden to die (not exactly), it would be fitting and ironic if he does die of covid, and an appropriate legacy for him, in the history books. there would be something delicious about it.

that would clarify who the nominee is going to be fairly quickly.

speaking of which....