i've generally been a city person for the amenities, but it relies on a certain level of autonomy being attainable within the city, and a certain lifestyle being accessible within it.

if that is about to evaporate, i'd rather try to find some kind of vacant land to squat...

i'm not there yet. to begin with, i have a discography to finish, first. but, i'm really not a tolerant person, and don't want to be - i want to be left to myself, and if that means seeking isolation somehow then so be it.

this country's future is very bleak...

it's not entirely the fault of the political leadership, but the absolute failure of the political system over the course of my life time (something that seemingly gets worse, year over year) is certainly compounding it.

the environment. the economy. the social fabric. and, now, an apparent move towards authoritarianism...

it's just not where i want to exist, not who i want to exist with and not what i want to exist within.

i dunno yet. but, i think i've made a choice to leave, when it becomes feasible, whatever that means.

it took years from the time i decided to leave ottawa until i actually did. it's not imminent. but, i don't tend to change my mind very often, once i've made it up.

i want to move to a more secularly driven society with a less invasive government and if i can't find one then maybe i just need to get out to rural quebec.

i'm not trying to express anger or frustration.

i want a concrete plan; i want to understand how to react, how to get out.

it's just hopeless stupidity at every level.

and, it's at a breaking point.

our political leaders are complete retards, and we're all going to suffer badly for it.

we're aligning with the inevitable losers in this upcoming conflict.

and, it might not be reversible; we might not have the numbers to reverse it.

the smart choice is probably to seek a means of escape.

but, you can't flee without some sort of reserve of some sort of currency. i'm chained to the wall...

i think the upcoming question is this: is it better to try and retreat to the canadian wilderness, or to try to get out of here altogether?

canada may not survive the next world war.

we may be a major target...

it's becoming more and more clear to me that canada is increasingly aligning on the wrong side of history.

i want to get out of this country.

it's easier said than done.

this is kind of brutal.

i'm neither asleep nor awake.

i can't figure out if i'm sick or reacting badly to air pollution.

and i want to get this done, but keep sputtering out; i keep getting overwhelmingly tired, but merely for minutes, until i'm back at it, without actually sleeping. ugh.

let's try this again.

he's saying a lot of the same things that i am re:immunity and the question of what success is, in context. but, he's not being given the opportunity to formalize it.

i know it's going to sound harsh to a religious person, but this is homo mathematicus - it's numbers, it's data, and it's how it is.

so, we're often presented with the illusion that protective immunity is a choice. of course, it is not - not with the time frames in front of us. rather, the choice in front of us is whether we are to get to protective immunity quickly or whether we are to get to protective immunity slowly. we will not be able to withstand our innocence for the next two-three years, while a vaccine is readied.

the formalization of this realization occurs in the vector of an optimization problem, and when you work it out you realize the true futility of an abstinence-first approach, because you're running up against the mutation rate. any coherent analysis of this is going to put us a few months behind it, just like we are with the flu. i see little reason to think we won't get a vaccine, but we'll probably never stay on top of it.

so, if you let it loose too fast, you're not just overwhelming the system, but also maximizing the likelihood of mutation; if you slow it down too much, you're putting selective pressure on it to evolve, while maximizing the damage. what's the right middle point?

it's a calculus problem.

this man won a nobel prize, recently. so, i'm in good company in my analysis, apparently.

"that's.....that's socialism!"

yup.

we should nationalize the churches and mosques, kick the priests and imams out on the street and convert them into homeless shelters where salaried social workers with sociology degrees go to work.

awww.

when are we going to finally be allowed to tax them like the businesses that they are?

https://montreal.ctvnews.ca/covid-19-shutdown-an-added-burden-for-quebec-s-struggling-catholic-churches-1.4932855

the next great war will be fought to exterminate islam.

and, in the future, we will celebrate our triumph over it's depravity and backwardsness.

75 years on, we're unable to celebrate the end of fascism because our governments have ordered us to stay inside.

was the second world war caused by the same factors as the first? absolutely, yes. but, where the first world war was an aimless slaughter for the capitalist elite, and revolution was justified across the board, nazism presented itself as an evil that was greater than capitalism.

it's legitimately hard to read some of the leftist writing from the period, from people that weren't able to see nazism for the singular threat that it was.

decades later, we have a similar problem on the left, with it's inability to see the nature of the threat posed by radical islam. and, it's just a matter of time before we need to repeat history.

for now, i guess we're all stuck inside, celebrating the world's greatest triumph, in the greatest of irony.

https://www.wsws.org/en/articles/2020/05/08/pers-m08.html

so, that was more sleeping....

i don't feel sick. but, i'm still extremely dehydrated.

i think it's lingering effects of the migraine, and i think the root cause is the dry air.

at least the smoke seems to be gone for the night. hopefully.

still no shower. but, i'm going to try to get some work done and go from there.