so, i hit my posting limit for the day and am going to take a nap before i make some pasta, but there's a few more pages added here:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1pQ2-8EV5YwNAeI_d5HRA480_K-bkpSRa/view?usp=sharing

as you can see, i'm really just getting started. that's an 8.5x11 sized 53 pages, at 11 pt font and minimal spacing - it's already ~150 pages, if formatted for a novel type affair. and, i'm only halfway through last march...

it's going to be a very big and very wonkish text, when i'm done.

i am a huge fan of neil's guitar playing, actually.

he might be the single realest, rawest, most gutwrenching guitarist the rock era produced - it's all feel. no pretension...

here's a few you youngins might learn sumpin from.

and, old man neil is from winnipeg, canada - if you're curious. even if he doesn't like to admit it....

and, of course - the most sarcastic anthem ever:

i had to tell you that?

freakin kids.

i meant this, actually.

so did he.

if you were curious.

but, that's implicitly condoning the red scare. but wolff is a marxist, so you shouldn't be too surprised at the use of force to assert authority.

listen, i'm all for taking down nazis,  but we have to be sure they're actually nazis first, not just idiots with offensive hats.

this is useful.

this is less than i wanted, but it's time to eat. there's a few more pages up:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1pQ2-8EV5YwNAeI_d5HRA480_K-bkpSRa/view?usp=sharing

i was listening almost exclusively to cardiacs, at the time.

so, my purpose is my art - not because it's real, but because it's what i want.

i admit this is hard, but that's too bad, it's all we've got.

there is no inherent meaning or purpose in existence "out there" somewhere. search all you may, there is nothing to find; you're here for no reason, and you have no function, no fate. everything around us is stochastic, random, chaotic...

but, that doesn't mean that the concept of purpose should be discarded. after all, we invented it because we wanted it. right? so, how can we salvage this?

and, i think the answer is actually very simple: instead of looking for something "out there", instead of searching and scouring and trying to find meaning and purpose through religion or communism or whatever else, we should instead retreat inwards and define what purpose means to ourselves, uniquely. just because there isn't some grand, overarching purpose that we all fit into together doesn't mean that the illusion of an individually defined self-purpose can't be upheld. 

so, define your own purpose - if you dare. if you accept being free enough to do so. if you want to be free...

but, maybe you don't - maybe you will continue to flail against yourself, and seek meaning in some whole, instead. i guess i can only wish you good luck. but, i think you're a pitiful slave.

if i thought there was even an infinitesimal chance that a god exists, i would accept pascal's wager and try to figure out some kind of.....i dunno. some kind of deism or something, i guess. i mean, it doesn't help us understand the nature of god - it provides no information as to which religion is correct, if any of them are at all. it could be that the god that exists is even satan. so, while the argument is admittedly shrouded in christian theology, it's not necessary to default to christianity - so long as your system of thought accepts the concept of a soul (and indian and greek religion both did and do, too), you can use pascal's wager in some modified sense. and, to be consistent, pascal would no doubt argue that you can't reasonably determine which one of these systems is the right one to follow, if any of them are at all.

but, if i thought there was a non-zero probability, i'd have to give in.

i don't. 

let x be the event that god exists.

p(x) = 0.

religion is boring.

but, pascal's wager is a better argument than any theology you can find anywhere. 

it's really the best you can do - the closest i'll ever get.