i'm realizing that i'm having difficulty ascertaining whether i'm remembering things or hearing them. i have an appointment booked with my gp about talking about ptsd. but, i think the drugging has stopped, thankfully.
the last month or two, i've been fighting off a psychotherapist that is trying to do some kind of conversion therapy on me. this sounds stupid on it's face, and obvious pseudo-science a priori, but there is a history of freudian (and probably lacanian...) pseudo-science being applied to queer people to try to "cure" them. that is what is apparently going on and i'm realizing it's been the purpose of the drugging the whole time.
i've been yelling at this person for months to fuck off. i think i finally got through to them this week. but they may also be hiding. i can't tell.
as mentioned previously, the idea that they're going to change my gender identity via psychotherapy is moronically idiotic on it's face, but it was predictable that trying to do so would trigger my ptsd, and that is exactly what has happened. while there is no possibility that their "therapy" will have any actual effect, i am slowly coming to the realization that i'm going to need actual real therapy to help me recover from the trauma that's been inflicted on me.