it's true that i haven't had a person in my life that i'd consider a friend in well over ten years, which is...i don't think that friendship is consistent with capitalism. what capitalism does is reduce friendship to a market relationship, a quid pro quo, and i don't have any interest in that. actual friendship cannot exist in a market society, it's impossible. so, i tend to avoid people, under the full understanding that they're just in it for themselves.

i'd like to meet some people that actually act and think like anarchists, but it's hard when the system pushes things down the way it does. the reality is that i don't really like hardly anybody.

so, i'm spending another birthday by myself, and it's true that i don't have any friends to spend it with. but, it's also true that i didn't actually celebrate birthdays when i did have friends.

if you ask the people that i've called friends in the past, i can't imagine that any of them will actually know when my birthday actually is, and the reason is that i've probably never actually told them. the exceptions would be some people that knew me when i was very young, and the single ex-girlfriend i have, from 15 years ago. i wouldn't expect anybody else that's known me to know, because i've never celebrated it.

why haven't i celebrated it? well, i've always thought it was kind of pompous. but, the real truth is that i was just that introverted. if the premise was that a birthday is my day, a day where i'm special, the last thing i'd want to do is bring people over to my house and entertain them. if it's my special day, then leave me the fuck alone, thank you.

but, i'll be 39 years old at just past midnight.

that means i've got 12 months left of being 30-something.

i was hoping that the machine would stay stable, but the bluescreen came back almost immediately. this chromebook simply doesn't have the software i need to do the things i do, and i wouldn't for a second think to leave my personal data in the cloud either (that's insane - i leave it on an external drive).

but, i have some show lookaheads to do while i'm reformatting. i should be multitasking, but if i can't then whatever....