just another thing.

i've changed the profile to allow for my birth date, which is 1981, to be public. that's not an error. i am actually 35 years old. really.

i'm entirely aware that i literally look half of my age. or, let me rephrase that. i look precisely like a fashionable (and single) 35 year old woman - but i can very easily be mistaken for an unruly-looking 17 year-old boy. is that really particularly unusual?

while i acknowledge that there are some advantages to looking young, especially considering that i do not at all act my age, i also need to point out that i'm at the age where a significant generation gap exists. i'm not 17 years old. i'm 35 years old. i identify as generation x (people born from 1965-1985). that might be your parents' generation. and, i'm consequently a little bit leery about being hit on by 17 year-olds. or 25 year-olds, for that matter. of either gender.

and it does happen. which is why i'm pointing this out.

so, yeah. i'm old. we don't need to draw attention to it. but, it would be nice if we all realize it. if you see me out or about, just understand that i'm there to see the show and nothing more.

no: i don't want to hang out with a bunch of kids. i'm friendly. sure. but, no.

no: i don't want to get hit on by kids.

and, no: i'm not going to hit on children.

but, when you center your life around music as much as i have, you don't grow out of it. it's a lifelong thing. i'll be continuing to attend small shows when i'm 50, so long as i don't get bounced. not for the people, and not for the scene. just for the tunes.

this message will self-deconstruct....

it's not just an internet/distance thing. don't be embarassed if you thought i was in my 20s or younger. i get it all the time.

when i went to see jimmy chamberlain a few months ago, i ended up having a smoke outside with a kid from in the bar. i could see he was in his late teens. i ended up giving him a pumpkins lesson (he was there to see the sax player). but, his jaw just dropped when i told him my age - because it opened up a generation gap. he thought he was talking to a peer, at first. then, he felt like he was talking to an adult, and that changed his entire perspective of the situation. he visibly didn't like the idea of "smoking an adult".

then there's the kid in the unit upstairs. he seems to be in high school. and, it took him over two years for him to realize i wasn't in his age group. he seemed offended that i was keeping my distance. he kept obviously waiting for me to ask him to come hang out. but, i hardly want to hang out with the high school kid upstairs. it's just that he had no idea, right. he can't be more than 18, but he interpreted me as in his peer group; the feeling was not at all mutual - i immediately interpreted him as a kid. a few months ago, i gave him a link to my bandcamp site and i think he finally figured it out, because he's seemed more cognizant, since.

so, it's not just you. it's everybody. online. in real life. it's just how i look. and, in fact, it runs in the family - it's those finnish bottleneck genes. everybody from finland is like this.