am i rationalizing?

the bruise on my ass is a scary size, now. if that was from fucking, it wasn't consensual. i'm going to the clinic in the morning to get a blood test, and check for clots.

i've never really contemplated whether rape kits can be used for possible anal penetration on a genetic male.

i wouldn't necessarily press charges. that's not exactly what i'm getting at. i know what the law says, and i support it as it is - it shouldn't be legal to have sex with a blacked out person. but, i also know how i get when i'm drunk....

the reality is that there's every reason for me to conclude i was probably all over him. i don't mean in the sense that i went across the bar to get him. i mean in the sense that...

...if somebody was in the room, they may very well have thought i was the one raping him.

i know that i'm like that. when i say i got fucked hard, that doesn't necessarily mean i was on the bottom.

i'm a girl. i fuck like a girl.

so, i mean...i can't know. i don't remember. i just don't. but, the doubt is pretty reasonable in my own mind given the evidence. i wouldn't want to jump to that conclusion.

but the bruise is out of control, too. i dunno....like i say, i never really thought about it.

i don't know how i could get the proper evidence to know whether i should pursue it or not. and, to me, erring on the side of caution means upholding the presumption of innocence.