you know, maybe i'm being paranoid, but sometimes i can't help but think i'm being followed around by the paparazzi or something when i'm grocery shopping, and they're looking to take a choice shot of me when i'm dressed down.

listen.

i shop on a bicycle, which is strenuous exercise - so i wear gym clothes, more or less literally. my wardrobe decision generally consists of taking pyjamas out of the dirty laundry and throwing them on, because i expect to come home sopping wet and sweaty (do you like that thought?), and then hop in the shower almost right away.

i know i'm not making any best-dressed lists. and, in context, i really don't give a fuck.

so, it's not even like you're catching jennifer aniston without doing her hair, or britney without her makeup or whatever else. you're literally catching a nobody on disability wearing dirty rags as they carry out the basic necessity of purchasing various arrangements of complex sugar molecules, in order to fuel their body's metabolic combustion processes.

and, if you really are following me around and judging me on what i am or am not wearing while i do this, you're worse than paparazzi. you're pathetic.

the basic truth is that most women don't do their hair to buy tomatoes, and the ones that do have extreme self-esteem problems.