so, what's going to happen if i detransition against my will, and don't have the courage to kill myself?

1) if you're a ciswomen, do not talk to me. i am likely to become violent and aggressive with you. i may very well harm you. i don't want you to hit on me. i don't want to be your friend. i want you to leave me alone until i can figure out how to adjust. it could be a very, very long time before i'm able to deal with this.
2) if you're a gay man, i may be more open to communicating with you, but you have to understand that i'm a total sub.

what i'm going to do is go out of my way to avoid people.

and, the feds may get what they want - i may walk around in a ski mask, because i'm too embarrassed to show my face in public.