i've spent a lot of time in activist groups - on the ground, interacting and protesting, as well as debating online - and i've only met around three (don't hold me to that exact number) feminists that are as "radical" as you're suggesting, and one of them was a cis male. the literature is vast and largely troubling, but it's not taken particularly seriously by most people once they get out of the classroom. most self-identified feminists have the intelligence and critical thinking skills to deconstruct this the way you have.

in a sentence, you're stating that the biggest victim of patriarchy is men. you've just hit the tip of it. i've heard dozens of women state that at meetings, conferences, book clubs and other activist get togethers. it's directly in the mainstream of feminist thinking.

it's just a shame that the loudest voices are often the ones most listened to, considering that they're quite often completely fringe.

what people want is equality. that's intuitive. and we can see that it's possible - we've all interacted in specific settings where it exists.

there's really no reason to let this stack of logically dubious, and mostly empirically debunked, "theories" erase what you're able to construct with your own experiences. it will all end up in the trash heap, eventually...