there was a woman upstairs for the last year that never ever left the house and it absolutely freaked me out. i'm having difficulty accepting that she's finally gone, that she's finally going to leave me alone.
i have ptsd as a consequence of childhood abuse. i don't have a history of hearing voices but i do have a history of flashbacks; i am fully confident that i heard everything i heard and that it was real in the sense that it was physically stated, that it was enunciated from an actual human's lips, but now the actual struggle with my actual mental health concern is about to begin, which is trying to convince myself that the flashbacks are actually flashbacks. i am absolutely expecting months worth of trauma, and the fact that i can't leave the house until the tenancy issue is resolved is simply going to add to the process.
are they really gone? really? or did i just hear a door close? did i hear a voice in the distance, or is it trauma?
it's going to take a while for me to process this, and i'm going to need space and patience to do it in. i know the tenants were drugging me, but i don't know if they were acting independently or on the order of the landlords or on the order of somebody else they were working for. i consequently don't know yet if this nightmare is actually really over or not.
i was waiting for them to leave to set up my new network and i hope that i can get back to working on something substantive soon.