some recent pics.

my hair is growing. i strongly suspect somebody cut about an inch off, which adds up to a month in the long run. it's a violating feeling, but it's not the end of the world.

i haven't been feeling like myself since i cut my hair and it's been affecting me more than i expected. i don't have a history of depression and have never been diagnosed with depression, but my sudden inability to project myself as a pretty girl for the first time in 15 years has indeed left me terribly depressed. i don't like how i look and i'm not going to adjust to it, i'll just have to deal with the depression until the hair grows back.

i went looking for some pictures of myself as a blonde from last year to cheer myself up and i couldn't find any, but i'm sure i took a large number of them. this has left me convinced that somebody has stolen them and left me feeling violated in relation to what might have been done with them. yet, this is consistent with what i've been experiencing: i was purchased as an apparent sex slave by some barbarians from a backwards culture and i'm going to have to figure it out, decode the details and throw them in jail. obviously, i reject the premise; i was not purchased, and i am nobody's property and nobody's slave. i've remarked previously that it was a stroke of good luck that i shaved my head as it's given me some time to figure out what is going on. i was apparently rejected because i shaved my head, which is a good thing, even if the shaved head was not.

since the new owners took over, young girls come in and out of this house and completely disappear. their cars disappear first and they're sent to live upstairs and not allowed to leave the house, then they go on to some other place and are replaced. they seem to be being recruited into something. the preference is for scandinavian blondes. it seems to be a front for some kind of arabic sex trafficking, connected to some kind of organized criminal mafia. young girls are so naive :(.

i'm going to try to recover as much media as i can, first. it cuts out in may, 2022 and picks back up again in june, 2023. there's just a black hole over that 13 months with no pictures and no videos, but i know there were pictures, at least. i remember vlogging the day i took the monitor home in july and i'm sure i took pictures on some days before i went on a bike ride. if there are still pictures somewhere, where are they?

reconstructing events:

- i died my hair red in march, 2022

- i have pictures up to the end of may, 2022.

- i cleared my vlog camera out when i did the diet walk through on may 21, 2022

- i had not cleared my vlog camera out since, from may 21, 2022 to nov 15, 2023.

- i was badly sunburned at the start of june and apparently bleached my hair in mid july. no pictures.

- in fact, there are only a handful of pictures taken between june 1, 2022 and june 8, 2023 and they are of things like my bicycle and some legal documents.

- while they are correctly numbered on the device, they are also weird. the pictures of my bicycle, taken in early november after my tire wore through, are not numbered in sequence. it makes it look like somebody renumbered the pictures in december or so.

i have a chkdsk from june, 2023 that pulled out files from 2021 and a chkdsk from sept, 2023 that produced corrupt data. i tried a testdisk on the device and it has found deleted pictures but nothing of me over the second half of 2022

i'll need to keep looking.

link on side:

https://photos.app.goo.gl/sV3UzY6P7HPFEbw59

nov, 2023:

oct, 2023:

sept, 2023:

aug, 2023:

july 2023:

june 2023:

may 2023:

i did not take photos of myself before i went to movement. i do not remember if i took pictures of myself when i went out grocery shopping, but they're gone.

mar-april 2023:

i shaved my head on march 23, 2023.

jan/feb 2023:

i'm sure there were pictures, actually. i was struggling with knotted hair.

nov-dec 2022:

i spent a lot of time at the university of windsor typing legal documents for divisional court and am sure i took pictures before i left. there is a new health card picture taken after i changed my name, but it is a bad picture. i was concerned i was being hacked. i was struggling with bad hair, leading up to the shave.

oct 2022:

my health card picture is all i can find:

july--->sept 2022:

i thought i dyed my hair earlier, but my blog posts suggest it was mid july. what i remember is late may. i spent the summer of 2022 trying to lose weight i had put on after the surgery in aug, 2021 and over the winter of 2022 by doing a lot of bicycling. while there were few if any videos, i am sure there were lots of pictures taken before and after i went out on the bicycle, mostly in a purple tank top. that said, i also remember being unhappy with all of them, which is why i didn't upload any of them. the minimal amount of weight i put on and was having difficult losing would not have bothered most women, but i am used to being very thin and did not want to upload pictures where i was 5-10 pounds more than i wanted to be. i was not overweight; i was still technically probably underweight.

june 2022:

i was badly sunburned at the start of june, 2022 and would not have taken pictures while i was burned.

may 2022:

these are the last pictures i can find from 2022, at this time, but i did not shave my head for almost a year afterwards and was blonde starting in july, at the latest:

this is a video that won't embed:

https://photos.google.com/photo/AF1QipMDbSzJonZTdx-swfmglLb2a77GQGLhcemUMmXc

april 2022:

videos:

https://photos.google.com/photo/AF1QipMLfs7_vs5pViX9OKRLC-OiYejMYZA_J-zagTaV

https://photos.google.com/photo/AF1QipNS1GAoEMy5mtqz06R0ydt5p5QW7MOMOEt8VLpf

https://photos.google.com/photo/AF1QipODMtNCzGmgPGKrYd6_7eDH6NVoDsFcAGfKLo3A

https://photos.google.com/photo/AF1QipNmCu5MuYbDBaSvwSiRUN9Cs8aU9lRAr81n_TlO

mar 2022:

https://photos.google.com/photo/AF1QipPd_Clv1zrQmEpLMXrtz9tADD9zLwVeRPg8VnNZ

https://photos.google.com/photo/AF1QipPJO9mGLv-ce-zFzTdgUZhZpP7VcCJWxyJP49lB

nov 2021:

what's happening in gaza isn't a war, it's a police operation to shut down an armed terrorist group, an organized criminal gang of violent thugs, and it's long overdue. it should be viewed something like bobby kennedy's take down of the mafia, which was also necessary, at the time. it's not something i like, and i wish it wasn't required, but it's a function of capitalism to periodically require state operations to shut down the criminal gangs that arise as a function of capitalism.

my patience with the idf will not be permanent, but this police operation is required and they should be supported by all thinking people until hamas ceases to exist. proper leftist criticism should be directed against any support for hamas, including against hospital and school workers that shield militants in vulnerable spaces instead of chasing them out of them.

this is different than what happened after 2001 because it is actually directed at the attackers. i am not a terrorist sympathizer, but the point was that iraq didn't have anything to do with 9/11 and that iraqi civilians bore no responsibility for the 9/11 attacks. i supported actions that were actually targeted against al-qaeda and against osama bin laden, but the reality is that very little of what the united states did after 9/11 actually targeted those that were responsible for it.

unlike the invasion of iraq, an attack on hamas is actually targeting those that are responsible for the oct 7 attacks. hamas should not exist. criticism of specific actions by the idf may be justified on specific levels , but the priority of the left should be on abolishing hamas first and foremost, and not on the protection of palestinian civilians. it's a hard truth that is currently necessary.

the people of gaza bear some responsibility for voting for hamas. there haven't been many elections in gaza recently, granted, but the reality is that they elected a terrorist group to represent them and are consequently somewhat liable for their actions. they are not completely innocent bystanders; it's not even a question of if silence means consensus, it's a situation where they have actively voted in favour of terrorists to represent them, democratically. they were asked who they wanted to represent them, and they picked an organized crime syndicate, by overwhelming consensus. empathy should not be entirely suspended, but it should be muted.

yes, a discourse about root causes is relevant, but it's not the primary issue at the moment, the primary issue is abolishing the terrorist organized crime network running gaza, which is a periodic necessary state action in a capitalist society. we can't accept organized crime just because we don't like capitalism, or just because we realize that organized crime is a function of capitalism. the thugs need to be taken out. it becomes a question of lesser and greater evils.

i can tolerate some criticism of the details of the action, and i'd likely have them myself if i was to analyze the situation at a granular level, which i'm not going to do. but, i am never on the side of terrorism as a tactic, and when groups of terrorist thugs like hamas arise (that are also serious threats to free expression amongst palestinians), everything else must be put aside in order to destroy them. hamas would almost certainly sentence you to death for a trivial reason if it could.

Capital punishment in the Gaza Strip has been practiced by the Hamas Administration since it assumed power in 2007. The punishment is given for offenses such as crimes against Islamic law, land sales to Israelis, and treason.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capital_punishment_in_the_Gaza_Strip

one of the crimes that hamas has executed people for is "homosexual behaviour", because it is stated in the koran that the crime for being gay is punishment by death. they're a slightly less crazy isis, which aligns them with the extreme fringes of the christian right. naive western liberals flatly do not know that and are broadly just ignorant about what they're supporting. there is a long list of so-called crimes under islamic law that hamas would execute you for, if they could, including dancing and wearing makeup in public. that was the basis for the october 7th attack in the first place - they were dancing and engaging in "unislamic activity". it wasn't about "anti-colonialism", it was an attack on some people at a party by some right-wing extremists for engaging in what they interpreted as "indecent behaviour". 

they didn't attack an army outpost, or some group of soldiers restricting the flow of people or goods. they slaughtered defenseless kids at a party because they weren't following islamic behavioural codes.

there was a giant error made in the spanish revolution by certain naive actors that aligned with the stalinists because they were the enemy of their enemies. it was the stalinists that slaughtered the anarchists. i want to learn from that mistake and not to repeat it.

hamas must be annihilated, and that must be the current priority. we can talk about what a post-hamas gaza strip looks like after that has been accomplished, but what i support is a singular secular state (a one state solution with a democratic and secular constitution) where all people have equal rights, not one where people are segregated by ethnicity or religion.

under existing tort law precedent, a homeowner can sue a neighbour for trespassing if their smoke seeps on to their property, but this isn't powerful enough. it is long overdue that these kinds of bylaws started getting passed, so that people don't have to tolerate their neighbours' smoking.

https://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/we-feel-stuck-toronto-couple-pushes-for-bylaw-to-control-smoke-spread-from-neighbouring-homes-1.6644825

the schools should be both feeding and housing their students.

we need to address the for-profit model in education, as it's what the root cause of the problem is.

https://nationalpost.com/news/canada-food-insecurity-immigration

1:09

under existing tort law precedent, a homeowner can sue a neighbour for trespassing if that neighbours' smoke seeps on to their property, but this isn't powerful enough. it is long overdue that these kinds of bylaws started getting passed, so that people don't have to tolerate their neighbours' smoking.

https://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/we-feel-stuck-toronto-couple-pushes-for-bylaw-to-control-smoke-spread-from-neighbouring-homes-1.6644825

1:12

for clarity's sake, i own everything in my space and i purchased most of it with my own money. i received a large severance package when i was laid off from microsoft that bought about half of it and a good deal of it was purchased with recent lawsuit money won from suing the hospital or the grocery store. my grandmother bought the 64-bit pc, which i haven't actually set up yet. there are a small number of birthday or christmas presents from decades ago, limited to my broken jx-8p and some old equipment that i don't use much anymore, like a zoom effects pedal, the tascam 4-track and the windows 98 pc. three of my guitars were gifts from my father; i bought the rest myself. the stereo equipment is high quality but very old and was actually surplus equipment my father had and mostly bought at garage sales. i bought all my other computers, my bass, my pod, etc. it's about a 90%/10% split, in totality - i bought 90% of this stuff and 10% was gifts, but that 10% is stuff that was given to me in the 90s and is mostly very old and out of use.

there is no ambiguity on this point and i will treat anybody attempting to take ownership of my belongings as engaging in an act of theft that needs to be properly prosecuted by law enforcement.

the upstairs tenant called me a loser this morning for blaring vic chesnutt.

ok.

where's the drop, huh?

apparently, this record (which has guy picciotto on guitar and the mt zion orchestra as backup) was not punk enough for her. i didn't even bring it up, i just got randomly berated for not being punk enough due to what i was listening to, and the record just happened to have guy picciotto playing on it, for fuck's sakes. she had no idea, clearly, but she probably doesn't know who he is, anyways. i wasn't actually trying to be punk at the time, i was just getting some exercise on the bicycle. i know from experience that jello biafra is not punk enough for her, either. i think she believes that green day is real punk and that being a punk is the same thing as being a meth addict; i don't do meth, so i'm therefore not punk. i wanna be sedated, indeed. the woman is a complete dumbass.

even if you accept a corporatized, watered down, grohlianesque concept of punk in context for brevity's sake, and use some other term like hardcore for what i'd consider to be punk rock, who invented that before it got mass marketed as 'emo'? guy fucking picciotto.

it's the irony i'm struck by, because she was sure i was being totally unpunk by listening to this country record and needed to assert superiority over me for it. alas.

while i am not exactly holding the media accountable for this act of vandalism (which is what it appears it actually is), this is nonetheless what happens when the media is irresponsible in explaining why the idf is forced to operate inside of schools. a naive reading of much of the western media coverage would have you thinking the jews are eating arab babies.

were there terrorists hiding in this school? no. yet, it is likely that the vandals were misinformed as to the nature of the idf operations.

nobody wants to blow up schools, but hamas cannot be allowed to hide behind human shields. this is an operation that is overdue and most be carried to it's completion. hamas should not exist and should have been destroyed years ago.

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/montreal-jewish-school-gunfire-1.7026640

my skin tone is very white, but i tan very deeply in the summer, if i'm out in the sun for any length of time. the result is that i may be easily mistaken as having olive or even brown skin, but it's not true. my ease of tanning is probably genetic and probably inherited from the indigenous ancestors on my father's side, but that's a guess.

in recent years, i have been outside a lot on the bicycle trying to maximize my vitamin d. it has made me look browner than normal, and i have found myself needing until february or march until i return to a white complexion.

this year, i've been inside since june, and i have whitened up very quickly. i currently have no tan line at all, which hasn't been the case in several years.

They get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-jewish sentiment or "anti-colonial" sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.

the truth is that the palestinian people, who are overwhelmingly ethnically hebrew, are simply failing to adapt.

they need to change.

the reality is that all credible evidence indicates that hamas is actually using these hospitals as human shields, which is actually a war crime. that's right, it's a war crime for a militant to hide in a hospital.

the stated purpose of the operation is to annihilate hamas, and that is justified. if hamas is hiding in a hospital, and that is a war crime, is it then justified to target the hospital?

you have to escape from logic a little bit here. the idf should clearly be trying to tone it down as much as it can. ultimately, however, yes; if hamas is hiding in the hospital, you blow up the hospital.

this is consequently not the time to call for a ceasefire, and the reality of the situation needs to be clarified, which is something the media is failing at: you can't hide in a hospital, that's against the rules of war, and that's exactly what hamas is doing.

when washington sends aircraft carriers to the middle east, it isn't to dissuade an israeli attack, it's to prevent an attack on israel. nobody imagines that anybody beside iran would be a serious threat to attack israel, and the only way that the americans would feel the need to protect the superior israeli army from the inferior iranian one is if there is a credible threat of russian involvement. it opens the question: was oct 7th really an attempt by the russians to distract the americans from ukraine?

the israelis just randomly bomb syria and the russians do not like it. if the russians felt a need to respond, would it look like a sneak attack by hamas?

the situation is messy, but the truth is that iran is a russian protectorate and is in many ways treated by moscow like a former ssr. a greater russian sphere includes iran. that aligns hamas pretty squarely with moscow, nowadays, which provides the pentagon with a good reason to seek it's destruction.

the russians must have at least known what was going on and the american response indicates legitimate concern about a potential russian distraction tactic. they did this once before.

it's a different analysis, but you'll note that america's immediate response was to send war ships to israel, and that's exceedingly curious.

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/08/us/politics/us-iran-airstrikes.html

deductive evidence that my hair actually was cut in august and/or september

i fully acknowledge that the claim that somebody was entering my unit to drug me and cut my hair, like i'm a pet or a doll, comes off as entirely insane and would be almost impossible to prove without direct video evidence. i do not want you to know if there is or is not currently a camera installed in the basement. there might be, but i don't want you to know where it is, if there is one. do you want to chance it?

i'll skip the biochem analysis, but it would be essentially impossible to catch evidence of testosterone drugging in my system, due to the amount of suppressors and the amount of estrogen i take, in conjunction with my inability to produce it endogenously. however, my hair length is more easily measured with an actual ruler.

something i could actually do was begin to routinely measure my hair length and then calculate how fast it grows, which would allow me to present a calculation as to how long it should be by calculating how much should have grown since april. by my calculation, my hair grows at roughly an inch per month, meaning it should be roughly 7 inches long. that would indicate that a bit more than an inch was cut from the back and a bit more than two was cut from the front. that is consistent with my observations.

it is an extremely unsettling feeling of deep violation to wake up in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror and realize that your hair was cut and/or styled when you were asleep, to fit the apparent tastes of some unclear entity that you are aware of the existence of but do not at all understand, except to be certain that you do not like it and do not consent to it. if some entity wants my hair to be short for some unclear reason, i am certainly not interested in interacting further with that entity on any level. i had to convince myself i wasn't losing my mind, but i have a lot of confidence in my intellect and my ability to present an argument. this is, at this point, a convincing argument.

i currently remember that i cut my hair on march 24, 2023; that date will fade with time, but i currently recall that i scraped it all off with a venus leg razor in a fit of frustration, and while loudly sobbing, because there was no other solution to undo the embarrassing condition of chia-pet-head. i was and remain traumatized by this, but it is growing back.

i will not add the contents of my blog to this essay, but it was noted by myself at several points between april and august that my hair was growing at a rate of an inch/month, as i waited for it to reach a specific length before i dyed it red. i did note that i was approaching 4 inches at the end of july, which was about on schedule. then, over august and september, i mysteriously noticed my hair growth begin to reverse itself and on several occasions woke up to what appeared to be clear cuts in my hair. was i losing my mind?

it was near the end of september that i decided i was not losing my mind and had to start to generate evidence of the situation to hold the guilty party accountable, in both criminal and civil contexts. i started taking note of my hair length, measured at the same place, every five days, using the same ruler. these are my measurements:

now, i'm not plotting error bars and i'm aware of the value of any criticism of my methods but it nonetheless demonstrates that my hair is once again growing at a rate of an inch/month, albeit in spurts and not modeled well by a continuous function. april 1 ---> nov 1 inclusive is seven months, which is seven inches. yet, my hair is 1-2 inches shorter than that, which is a substantive percentage given that t remains short.

if my hair was growing at a rate of an inch/month over april, may, june and july and is once again growing at that rate over october after i've barricaded the door shut, why would it experience actual negative growth in august and september, other than due to being cut? the fact that i'm certain i woke up and observed it was cut also clarifies the likelihood of that event. if a rough concept of error is introduced, it is clear that my hair was cut by a cumulative amount of ~1.5 inches on at least one, and i believe probably at least two, occasions.

to state the obvious, nobody is permitted to cut my hair when i am asleep, and not for any reason at all. the behaviour has currently stopped. it must cease permanently.

obviously, this is my site. however, somebody else seems to want control of it.

this site has no revenue and no audience. you can see the number of sales by sorting through my bandcamp site. this blog has no followers.

i'm not a sex object and this site isn't about selling my sexuality. i don't want to be a sex symbol, and i'm actually celibate; i don't have sex. i'm certainly not a sex worker. if you think this page is about my sexuality, you've misunderstood it, and dramatically. this page houses my ideas and my art, it's not a personal ad or a pornography site. while i understand that i need to present myself in a certain way, as a female musician, my audience is not interested in my sexuality. i actually push back against it, but i'm seen as an intellectual by my audience; i'm not an egirl, and i don't present myself as one.

i would strongly suggest that anybody seeking to sell their sexuality find somewhere else to do so, as the reality is that there isn't an audience for it here and the people that do come here will quickly tire of anybody that lacks the analysis i post here. nobody comes here to look at my pictures; people come here to read my writing.

i still don't know exactly who the unwanted editor is, but it's becoming clearer. it's been clear the whole time that they don't understand this site, but i'm starting to realize that i'm actually dealing with a capitalist looking to buy a startup and convert the site into something else. given that fact, this site is not what they want. 

why don't we just nuke saudi arabia, thereby creating a nuclear winter?

https://www.cbc.ca/news/science/marine-clouds-climate-change-1.7016498

i actually think that storming hamas' headquarters and arresting everybody in it is the right thing to do after such a brazen criminal attack.

this isn't a war and shouldn't be thought of as one, it's a police operation to shut down a criminal organization, which is what hamas has proven that it is. every single person in that building needs to be put in jail for the rest of their lives, with no chance of parole.

this guy needs to be arrested, tried and incarcerated for life:

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-67321241

it's disappointing to see the ndp align with the extreme right in it's rejection of climate science, but it's not particularly surprising. the ndp have never been a reliably left of centre party and in truth frequently align with regressive religious ideologies and populist economic positions that lack a clear class analysis, and in the process often end up on the wrong side of science. it's frustrating to be a leftist in canada because the bourgeois liberal party is frequently to the left of our fake socialist party.

the tory media thinks polievre is going to win the next election, but they must be smoking some of trudeau's pot. i get $500/year from the carbon tax, and it's utterly free money to me. that amount is going to go up. most people benefit. this is not an issue that is going to swing votes to the conservatives, and it especially won't swing the kinds of votes they need to win an election.

the conservatives should be able to defeat trudeau, as he is a legitimately weak candidate, but they've paraded themselves through a comedy of errors that has consistently put their utter incompetence on display. polievre is merely the latest in a string of unserious candidates.

there is a deeper problem on the right, in that their coalition is unstable. the reason they can't present a serious candidate is that they don't have a majority faction in their own party, it's a collection of fringe voices and political outcasts. first amongst fringe candidates is still a crazy person. for that reason, it is the defection of the ndp to the right that the liberals and trudeau should be concerned with.

it may be true that the liberals campaign on the left and govern on the right, but the ndp will campaign as socialists and then govern as national socialists.

the completely fake socialist ndp just literally voted against a wealth redistribution policy that the conservatives were trying to abolish (which makes sense. conservatives don't like wealth redistribution.), and which was saved by the bourgeois liberals (who wrote the wealth redistribution policy) getting support from a left-nationalist party centered in quebec. i can't vote for the bloc quebecois, but i frequently wish that i could.

https://globalnews.ca/news/10073006/carbon-pricing-home-heating-vote/

in fact, there is an actual very clear historical connection between hamas (and the palestinians more broadly) and the nazi state. while they may argue that they were trying to overthrow the british, the reality is that palestine was aligned with the axis powers in world war two, and that their leaders were willing nazi collaborators.

islamism and nazism are not identical but they are exceedingly similar ideologies, and the reality is that islamism actually was overwhelmingly influenced by fascism.

netanyahu is widely vilified by the secular left jewish diaspora, but he is in truth a relatively moderate republican.

https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/politicians-condemn-swastika-ottawa-rally-1.7019234

i an firmly of the opinion that any level of male facial hair is unacceptable and that the social expectation and norm has long been that all men should not just shave but tweeze and pluck if required. five o'clock shadows are not socially acceptable in modern society.

there is no place for any male social hair at all whatsoever in polite or civilized societies; it's backwards, primitive and barbaric. it's one of the few things that separates us from being apes.

men with hair on their faces are projecting a low level of self-esteem. it's reflective not just of poor hygiene but also of poor self-image. what it says is "i've given up on myself; i don't even try.".

i generally won't converse with men with social hair, and i certainly wouldn't date one.

also, it's a good time for a repost of this:

as the strange layers of this attempt to forcibly detransition me become more and more clear (i don't think this is 'real' in the sense of being organic, i think this is pre-written and made for an audience, although i will remind you that i am very real), i am realizing that an arab muslim family is being presented as responsible, although i think this is ultimately a ploy. i'm getting the impression that the author is stupid and thinks there's some moral lesson to be had in that, when there isn't; it merely makes the muslims look like they lack any coherent concept of morality, which is broadly actually true. the judaic religions are all deeply immoral to their rotten cores.

i need to interject that, while i know this isn't real, if it were real that would not justify a violent reaction. sort of.

i actually don't oppose reacting to religion with violence in generality. religion is organized violence; the idea that it claims itself as a victim when victims of religion meet the violence of religion with the violence of self-defense is disingenuous. history and geography are pretty clear that muslims will use violence to expand their control in canada, and that violence will be required to stop them. yet, when violence is used, it must be proportionate, and i can't react to what they're doing with force unless or until i actually catch them doing it.

right now, they're doing things like dropping pills in my drinks when i go out and injecting me when i'm asleep and my focus has been stopping them from drugging me rather than reacting. one thing at a time. i realize that what i have at the moment is technically a conspiracy theory and that the primary focus needs to be on undoing the effects of the drugging. however, if i catch them in here, at all, they should not expect to get out alive, and if it ever gets to the point where they physically confront me about my gender identity, they should expect a fight in return, as much as i can generate one. i won't be pushed around by bigots.

i am currently in the process of being victimized by islam, as so many innocent people have been, but i ultimately want to hold them accountable legally and not to lash out against them. i want to address the problem, systemically. a violent reaction may be justified, but it wouldn't help. it would be far more helpful for the legal system to acknowledge the existence of a problem and take steps to stamp it out.

my concern is more to the question of whether force is required to defend myself, and they should expect me to defend myself using whatever means are necessary, which right now means stopping them from getting in here. at all. yet, i want to counter-attack them legally, while i still can. the situation is not yet so far gone that force is the only way to stop them, and there is little indication at the moment that we are heading in that direction.

do not misunderstand me: whether this is real or not, it demonstrates that my concerns are real, as this is the kind of oppressive behaviour that islam is known for perpetuating in other parts of the world. if the authors are so delusional as to think they're making a moral point, rather than demonstrating their moral depravity, it just further demonstrates islam's inherent immorality. we have to remain vigilant against all forms of religion and it may mean resorting to force. we should not be weak-kneed or delusional about the need to react to religion with force, as they will merely interpret us as weak if we do.

using the law to hold the oppressors accountable is better than using force to wipe them out and that is the approach i am endorsing and advancing in this scenario, while i still can. a strong legal precedent that conversion therapy is prohibited is a far better tactic than taking a couple of the fascists out, even if the latter action might be morally justified.

fwiw,

i don't have any records of any value in the windsor regional health system for the reason that i have not spent much time in it. i have spent some time with camh and i have a family doctor. i have had to go to emergency a handful of times over the last ten years and have left those visits self-contained.

the windsor hospital would not have any information about my mental health, for example, for the reason that i have not had mental health issues that have been dealt with via the hospital, or at all.

i have one diagnosis: ptsd, stemming from a surprise physical attack on me by my father in 2011. that is all.

netanyahu should absolutely step down, as he's clearly last gen.

his replacement, kromangugle should be sworn in as soon as possible.

i actually heard somebody praying this morning, and i am in utter bafflement and do not how to react to the existence of such abject stupidity at such a late calendar date.

i'm befuddled. truly.

i need some very wealthy person to donate me a small sum on the order of a few million dollars, perhaps via the paypal donation on the side of the page. like, now. before they do it again.

what the fuck.

i'm not exactly a spiderman guru, but i was a passive fan and i know that, in the spiderman universe, there were always various alter-spideys, like venom. the number of spiderman wannabes grew to a large number, i believe.

i may spawn an evil twin while my hair remains short. it's growing.

i may have already.

i don't like this, but i appear to be powerless to stop it.

the real deathtokoalas currently has ear length hair that is dyed a bright red and can currently not be seen outside her apartment, which she is fighting over with some aggressive dykes that want to steal her electronics. you haven't seen the real deathtokoalas anywhere at all in quite a while.

israel may not be following international law right now, but law is about the implication of force, and i think they are justified in ignoring the rules for the moment.

gaza has elected hamas repeatedly. they had to expect this, eventually. they got what they voted for.

let me try this.

i am an evangelical atheist - i want to convince you that there is no god and that religion is damaging to society and should be abandoned and destroyed. but, these are the religious groups that i would be ost likely to show sympathy to, in order:

1. buddhists. buddhism should have been the only religion to survive the 20th century.

2. hindus & other polytheists, like european pagans. this is cultural, not intellectual.

3. animists, like native americans and central asians. animism is silly, but it has a helpful worldview relative to the harmful jewish model. i'd rather teach our kids that animals have spirits than that god put them on the earth for our use.

4. jews. dumb.

5. christians. dumber.

6. muslims. dumberer.

this is the sneaky trick that olivia chow and doug ford have schemed up together, but it's not really their idea.

https://globalnews.ca/news/9213908/john-tory-gardiner-expressway-dvp-tolls-toronto/

tolls are a bad idea because we pay taxes and that is what paying taxes is for. no advanced, functioning society relies on tolls as a source of revenue. if we need more revenue to build and maintain roads, we should raise taxes; conversely, if we want to tale a giant leap bacwkards and decide to rely on tolls, we should eliminate that portion of the tax bill.

in fact, they're not even going to spend the toll money on roads, they're going to use it to pay for salaries and other preventable causes for cost overruns at queen's park. it's an abuse of power. property is theft.

toronto's a big city. it should have some control over it's big roads. 

the employees of the city of toronto make too much money and should see an enforced pay cut.

this is why i am very skeptical about the ndp. this is somewhat milder than rae or romanow or dexter, but she's essentially selling off public assets to pay staff, as though she's been an imf double agent the whole time, and that's the kind of thing they always do. they act like the most corrupt neo-liberals out there when you actually elect them, without exception.

this is a catastrophically idiotic decision.

https://www.ctvnews.ca/politics/canada-doubling-carbon-price-rebate-rural-top-up-pausing-charge-on-heating-oil-trudeau-1.6618613

(the irony is that at the same time that the government is going to the brink forcing google and facebook to pay journalists, sites that have been free for years are putting up paywalls. i expect the cbc will remain free. it may be hard to find private sector media in canada, so let's all blog more.)

i don't agree with either of them.

a blanket ban on vaccine mandates would be a terrible policy as covid was likely a dry run for an actually serious pandemic that kills people that aren't already almost dead. yet,vaccine mandates, as they were applied, were a drastic over-reaction to the actual threat.

what is required is a better mechanism to determine when a virus is dangerous. theresa tam prove herself a politician, as did many of the other doctors involved. a truly independent mechanism that excludes political decision makers is what is required.

if we can agree that the government overreacted and that protocols need to be changed, polievre's prescription is an absurd overreaction that is worse than the disease, itself.

my position from the start was that the data doesn't support vaccine mandates and the politicians acted hysterically; the data might have pointed elsewhere, if the virus was different.

https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/poilievre-anti-vaccine-mandate-bill-1.7007562

it's easy to stand in canada and call for a ceasefire in the middle east. who would disagree with you?

what conditions do they propose hamas meet to attain such a ceasefire? they don't attach any at all, because they're not serious voices.

due to what has happened, a condition for a ceasefire in the region needs to be the complete liquidation of hamas as an organized entity. i'm on the side of those arguing for search and destroy as a pre-requisite, because it is plausible, with them isolated and cut off in a small region, the way they are. hamas can be destroyed and therefore should be.

the destruction of hamas will be damaging to the citizens of the region. hamas should have thought that through. in fact, it did, and non-serious calls for a conditionless ceasefire are exactly what the intended response was. these people are irrational nihilists.

israel is entitled to some time to level as much of the infrastructure as it can level. like others, i would call on israel to be as careful as it can be, but it is difficult to place that in context. calls for ceasefires and for withdrawals need to wait until hamas is annihilated, first.

i generally argue that israel needs to be proportionate. i haven't changed my position. but, a proportionate response to such a massacre is a frightening barrage, indeed. they have a ways to go still before they've reached the fury and wrath they're justified to inflict on a group that has forfeited it's right to exist.

this is a situation where a call to smite one's enemies is justifiable, and i support israel's goal to smite hamas, as an enemy.

i don't know who attacked the hospital. i know the nato narrative is that it was iran and this narrative really has little do with israel; maybe it really was factually iran and maybe it was factually israel, but what trudeau was supposed to have said is that it was iran.

the whole point of this attack by hamas was to generate a response. i agree that israel needs to be told not to overreact, but it has a right to respond, and this is a propaganda war at it's core. the idea that it was iran consequently does make sense.

my concern is that trudeau didn't get the memo. again.

who is responsible for this mistake - is trudeau not reading his notes, or is he not getting them?

https://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/canada-has-high-degree-of-confidence-israel-didn-t-strike-hospital-in-gaza-blair-1.6611921

=======

so, a bunch of upper class white kids in canada are declaring their solidarity against settler-colonialism in israel.

it's more comical than it is offensive.

in response, i hope that the palestinian student union releases a statement of solidarity with indigenous canadians against the settler-colonial apartheid state of so-called canada.

and, yes, canada practiced apartheid; we rounded them up and put them in nature reserves, like they were animals.

they should run a referendum on accepting or amending the statement. it's sophomoric, but these are kids; it's not harassment, it's just one-sided. they don't speak for the student body, which is going to be more self-aware than that.

the student union has a function and it is not to comment on foreign conflicts. it should not be producing any statements that are outside of it's mandate without conducting a plebiscite, first.

https://toronto.ctvnews.ca/york-university-threatens-to-revoke-student-unions-status-over-israel-hamas-statements-1.6611526

i do not expect that albertans will be so shortsighted as to vote to leave the cpp.

that's truly crazy talk.

this is not a serious issue.

https://musicofjessicamurray.blogspot.com/2023/10/at-start-of-2018-i-made-gigantic-mistake.html

as cousins to the pagan traditions that made europe great before and after the temporary catastrophe of christianization, i actually think that buddhists and hindus have more to offer canada than other ethnic groups. hindus and buddhists are more likely to assimilate into western culture than muslims or sikhs and are a preferable source of immigration to canada for that reason.

i'm once again not aligned with the fake leftism on display by the trudeau government, which has a strange obsession with islam, which is the most regressive, most right-wing and most conservative religion on the table. it indicates that this government is mostly concerned with dominance and control.

any real secular left would see buddhists (more so than hindus) as allies and muslims as enemies.

i don't want my music on spotify.

bandcamp is convenient, but it's been built at our own peril. independent artists should have control over their means of production. you want your own site and should have not relied on bandcamp in the first place.

i'm using a blog to mirror my bandcamp page and am enjoying the increase in customizability. i was going to use youtube to host 128 kbps streams but i've since realized that it is trivially easy to steal music from bandcamp in low quality and am going to update the existing inri000 page with html5 streams pointing to a google drive share, instead. that google drive share will be a complete library, in low quality, that will be free. this is the real world.

do something like this now before they pull the rug out from under you.

https://inrirecords.blogspot.com/

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1gQyfgWh2raui9GntysE-UASS8_Qpg9ee?usp=share_link

i am neither going to disable my adblocker nor am i going to pay for youtube premium. 

i am going to stop using youtube.

trying to pay people by sending them ad revenue is not an acceptable business model and i will not support it.

another issue: i have html5 autoplay blocked because i don't want videos to automatically play when i load a page. it's distracting and annoying, especially if i'm listening to something in the background, as i often am.  that is also now apparently disabled.  if your youtube page is going to insist on automatically playing videos when i load your page, i won't go to your youtube site at all. rather, youtube will get skipped in the search results because i'll know that youtube has that annoying behaviour that i don't like and can't turn off; i'll go to something like bandcamp when i search for a page because it doesn't autoplay, instead.

you'll note that this is what actually killed myspace, the annoying scripts that you couldn't fucking turn off.

youtube needs to understand that it cannot force people to watch the ads if they don't want to watch them and it's just harming itself by trying to. i'm not going to actually watch the ads. i'll hit the mute button, i'll open up another tab, i'll wait with my mouse over the skip button, etc. then, you'll ask me about the ad i supposedly just watched and i won't even remember what it was because i was intentionally not paying attention. that's no exaggeration; i try very hard to not watch the ads and i really don't remember them for that reason.

really, it's the people paying to have their ads forced on people that are wasting their money. (1) if people don't want to watch the ad, forcing them to watch it is negative advertising but (2) mostly, people are like me, and actually do everything they can to not watch the ads, even if youtube tries to force it. companies are buying false promises from youtube and wasting their money.

further, some new adblocking software will appear shortly and the adblockers will continue to evolve so long as youtube tries to block them. this is just a failed a business model - grasp it, adjust to it and move on.

as a musician and artist, i do not have ads on any of my art, i never will and i am even morally opposed to participating in the business model underlying it. it is morally wrong to force somebody to watch an ad before they can listen to a song, as the individual does not explicitly consent to being brainwashed by corporate propaganda; they click play intending to listen to art, not intending to be brainwashed by capitalist garbage. i use youtube as a way to advertise my bandcamp site, not as a means of revenue generation. youtube has never sent me a check. the business model i support is the bandcamp model. however, i would prefer a guaranteed income model to a market transaction model; artists should not have to sell a product in order to survive, they should have a right to exist. government subsidies are the preferred solution.

i actually even have images blocked on my chromebook.

you simply can't force people to do things if they don't want to. youtube is going to lose this fight. it should give up before it does.

actually, it seems like there's some bad news with bandcap:

https://pitchfork.com/thepitch/is-bandcamp-as-we-know-it-over/

it's easy to guess that the next step is that they're going to license everything, and i don't consent to that.

i'm going to have to take everything off bandcamp. unfortunately.

there's a link to inri records at the side. that will take over bandcamp's function.

to be clear: what songtradr obviously wants to do is take bandcamp artists and put them on sites like spotify, for a fee. this will bleed the bandcamp model. i do not want my music on spotify. i'm consequently removing it from bandcamp.

biden's strange pre-occupation with israel is actually reflective of him being out of touch, and symptomatic of why he is vulnerable to losing the next election.

most americans are not at all interested in the distant, foreign conflict in israel that has nothing to do with them in any way. the counter-examples are jews and right-wing christians, neither of which are swing demographics. biden appears to be trying to appeal to reagan democrats, which are all dead.

nor is israel a strategic asset in a post-petroleum world, which we are on the brink of. when you take the oil off the table, israel becomes a troublesome annoyance that should be abandoned.

biden should spend less time concerning himself with what is happening in israel and more time talking about the economy.

7:31

america is the empire. in the middle east, the empire has always ruled via divide et impera; divide and conquer. it is ancient imperial strategy in the region to set the barbarians off against each other, to minimize the threat they pose to the empire's control.

we needed some way to keep the dirty arab barbarians holed up in the desert and building a military base in israel was an effective tactic to bottle them in. then, we tricked them into sending us all their money, and they fell for it because they're dirty barbarians. so long as the arabs were busy fighting the jews and willing to spend all their oil money in the west, they posed the empire much less of a threat. this tactic to neutralize inherent arab barbarism is a fundamental part of the post-war order.

now, this has frayed over the years, certainly, but the basic dynamic of divide et impera remains in place. however, it is a tactic that needs to be revisited with the end of the petroleum era.

first, the substantive threat that arabs have long posed to the west will cease to be of concern for the foreseeable future with the end of the petroleum era, as they return to religious ignorance and cultural backwardsness. we can hope for a french revolution style uprising in the middle east, but it doesn't appear to be imminent. historically, the region has been a backwater and all logic implies that it will once again devolve back to one when the oil goes away, as the region has repeatedly gone through phases of de-evolution over the centuries that have resulted in massive depopulation and widespread deurbanization. climate change will also make much of the region uninhabitable, which is a type of retributive justice. second, controlling the middle east itself becomes less important when the oil is removed as an energy source, which undoes the value of israel as a strategic western bulwark against arab expansion.

this doesn't end the game so much as it changes it; there are new resources that will need to be controlled and new regions that will need to be dominated. another reflection of biden's strategic ineptness is the fact that the most strategic region in the future will actually be the resource-rich region of afghanistan.

the days of israel's strategic importance to imperial hegemony and dominance are severely numbered. america needs leadership that is looking forwards, not leadership that is stuck in the past.

7:46

i've posted pleas here before. this is very serious and i very seriously need some intervention by an enlightened benefactor.

i know this site is read by powerful and wealthy people and i need somebody to step in and write me a check for a small amount, on the order of 2 to 5 million dollars. this is imperative. i am going to disappear if i can't find a way out of the situation i'm in.

at the start of the year, my house was purchased by what turned out to be some massive losers from toronto that wanted to have sex with me. i turned them down for the sole reason that they were unattractive. these ugly, unattractive women may tell you another story - they appear to be pathological liars - but the truth is that i rejected them, and i rejected them because they were gross. amongst the reasons they were gross is that they showed up here smoking crystal meth and listening to death metal and seemed confused as to why i wasn't interested in it.

i'm not into hanging out with ugly crack whore dykes. sorry.

in response, they started injecting me with testosterone when i was sleeping because they wanted to make me horny so i'd be more interested in fucking them. this is their level of pathetic disgustingness.

while there have been signals and rising levels of evidence pointing towards it, i convinced myself that this was actually real about three weeks ago and barricaded the door shut. since then, i've been feeling and getting better, but now they're trying to aggressively evict me because i won't put out. i'm trying to get them charged with conversion therapy, which is a crime in canada, but that will be difficult.

the simple fact is that they've moved a bunch of gross people in here. the owners are gross. the tenants are gross. i wouldn't touch any of these gross people with a ten foot pole. they're all on hard drugs, they're all smoking cigarettes and they're all full of diseases. they've got something like 20 kids running around between them. it's become a white trash shithole, here. i need out; i can't live here.

however, i can't get out and trying to engineer or negotiate an exit on favourable terms might be impossible.

i may be able to hold them off for several months and i may be able to figure something out but my life is going to change and this site is going to disappear if i can't get out of here on positive terms and seriously rebuild somewhere else. i need a grant in order to get out of this white trash shithole, to salvage my life, to salvage my art and to restart.

this should be looked at like an artist's grant. the money will be spent on building the kind of safe, clean and isolated surroundings that i need to be creative. i've been finding this very difficult for the last several years due to events that are largely out of my control.

you can best contact me at the email address on the side of the page, at the link that says 'contact'. that email address also accepts funds and is connected to the paypal donation link higher in the list.

i have ptsd, and i couldn't imagine why anybody would think that ecstasy pills would be any sort of useful treatment. it rather speaks to the purpose of modern psychiatry, which is just to get people addicted to drugs they can be sold and then convince them that feeling high is equivalent to being happy.

while i might enjoy mdma in a party setting, it would almost certainly trigger me into an episode in a controlled or clinical setting. that is a bad trip waiting to happen; the premise that it would be some kind of treatment is absurd.

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/b-c-psychiatrist-resigns-licence-psychedelic-therapy-study-1.6995983 

destroying hamas is not like destroying isis. isis operated in a remote desert location; hamas is well understood by israeli intelligence, to the point that there is a longstanding conspiracy theory that hamas is an arm of mossad.

- israel can declare hamas illegal and break up every meeting of hamas members

- israel can destroy every building owned or used by hamas

- israel can kill or arrest every known member, employee or sympathizer of hamas, in gaza or the west bank

this could not have been done to isis because the logistics and intelligence were non-existent and not possible to construct given their remote location in the distant wilderness.

i am not soft on terrorism, and what we have here is a terrorist group. clearly. they should be thoroughly obliterated, wiped off the earth and erased from history. i don't question this or introduce caveats.

i will remind israel that they have a history of indiscriminate bombing and should take note to avoid targeting civilians. i don't expect that reminder to be responded to. that does not change israel's justified prerogative in eliminating hamas.

sometimes, words are placed together in ways that negate the meaning of them and produce a concept that is incoherent. "religious rights" are one example of this, as a a"religious right" is exclusively used to assert an absence of rights over a victim of the religion's rules. "property rights" are also an abuse of language, as they are used to steal property from others; property is impossible. rights are not properly used as tools to oppress others with, but are properly used to restrict power or authority in situations where there is an imbalance of power. a right is an idea enacted by society that power must be used responsibly, and not to oppress others with.

"parental rights" are another such contradiction in terms.

the parents have no standing in the matter. this is an issue that exists between the students and their peers and it is solely at the discretion of the child whether they want to invite their parents to participate in their lives or not. 

parents have legal responsibilities; parents do not have rights. that is an abuse of language and distortion of the theory of rights. the language should be altered to reflect the fact that what we're talking about is taking the right of discretion away from transgendered children.

https://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/more-canadians-support-using-notwithstanding-clause-in-parental-rights-debate-poll-1.6598180

when people like myself talk about disproportionate israeli responses, what they mean is leveling city blocks with b52s in response for firecrackers going off and scaring school children, and that is not much of a caricature.

you want to tell israel not to over-react, but the fact is that this is different. i grasp that hamas thinks it's retaliating for however many years of indiscriminate bombing, but what did it expect the response to be? remember that dumb kid that picked a fight with the bully and got his nose broken?

what hamas has done is take away the generic response, which is severely harming their own cause. hamas clearly broadcast that it intends to drive israel into the sea and will if it can; a proportionate response would now be to completely obliterate hamas. there's nothing disproportionate about an attack designed to permanently dismantle hamas, at this point.

i would support a wholesale liquidation of hamas as an organization, and i hope this is what they end up doing rather than aimlessly punishing civilians. if they can capture the leadership alive and try them, all the better, but just killing everybody who's ever made a decision for hamas in the last ten years would be a proportionate response and difficult to criticize.

israel has total superiority in all theatres and over all potential conflict points. they can and should ensure that hamas ceases to exist, but they should be careful to avoid aimlessly killing civilians.

has israel considered mass conversion as a solution to the demographic problem?

that is the historical solution. 

the dna testing is crystal clear that the palestinians are converted hebrews. is converting them back that crazy?

seen this one?

 

palestine was not the name given to the region by invading arabs in the 7th century, nor was it a name known in antiquity, but was rather the name that the romans gave to the region after they attempted to carry out a genocide of the jews, as the final act in the destruction of carthage. it was the carthaginians - a people who spoke a language very similar to ancient hebrew, called themselves canaanites and colonized much of northern africa and southern spain - that ate babies before the jews did. this is lost to mainstream history, but many of the anti-semitic tropes are actually as old as the punic wars and much of the scorn heaped upon the jews by the romans was due to them being carthaginians in all but name.

it always baffles me to find out that nobody knows that palestine and philistine are the same word. that's right, there is evidence of palestinians in ancient judea, but they were not arabs, they were the outsiders known as philistines.

the bible is hardly a scholarly source for history, but it does provide a little bit of information about the palestinians, namely that they were much taller than the hebrews and were acknowledged by all as being from beyond the sea. it's otherwise not clear who they were, based on that paltry source.

egyptian sources connect the philistines/palestinians with a group of invaders during an event called the bronze age collapse, which egypt survived but which left most of the civilized world in ruins. a group of invaders, called the sea peoples, sailed in from the north and attacked egypt; egypt defeated these sea peoples and settled them in the levant. this is the origin of the philistines in the middle east, of which we take the name palestine, via the romans.

we know today that these sea peoples were a confederation of indo-european speaking peoples that included halstatt celts and dorian greeks and would have behaved almost identically to later viking raiders. this was about 3500 years before present, before rome and even mostly before greece, as we know it.

it follows that the philistines were actually a group of very early viking raiders and that they almost certainly spoke a dialect of greek. this is the origin of the ethnic term palestinian, but it does not accurately describe the origin of modern palestinians.

the romans changed the name of the province and some people surely left but the evidence strongly suggests genetic continuity, which means that the jews actually converted to (monophysite) christianity after the destruction of the temple before slowly converting to islam in a process that is called arabization. today, they call themselves arabs and muslims; the truth is that they are twice colonized jews.

when you understand that, it makes the whole conflict into a surreal joke. this is not an ethnic conflict at all, it's really strictly sectarian.