just if you're curious: anal sex for me is basically a no-go. i don't enjoy it. and i think it's kind of gross. i mean, i've stuck some things up there to poke around and it just hurts. i've refused it. yes, i lost a few hours, and i know what i said, but i still can't imagine i'd go through with it. and there were really no signs of struggle. no residue. even if it was quasi-consensual, you'd think there would be residue. something. there's nothing. it just doesn't add up. and, i'm consequently going to destroy this lab to the best of my ability if it comes back positive.

i've never identified as a gay male. i've never had a relationship with a male. i've never had "gay sex".

i identify as an asexual to heterosexual female. and i made a decision a long time ago that i would wait until after the operation.

losing four hours like that throws everything out the window. i understand this. and i've never met myself in a blackout. but i couldn't imagine things playing out as they would need to in order to come to this conclusion.

i've constructed my entire existence around abstention. my personality. my individuality. i've avoided and rejected every single person who's advanced. why would i be different in a blackout?

you'd have to accept the premise that i've spent the last ten years doing everything i can to not have sex, and then changed my mind when i was drunk. why would that be?

i mean, i've been drunk enough that i know that you lose your inhibitions a little. but you don't lose your personality. you don't become a different person.

if you don't like broccoli when you're sober, you don't like it when you're drunk, either.

and if you don't like sex when you're sober, it's hard to see why you'd want it when you're blacked out.