in addition to garlic face, my scalp smells like vinegar. it's enough that conditioner interacts with it and alters the smell of the product. i wasn't cooking with coconut and hot sauce tonight, i was just washing my hair with moisturizing conditioner.

that was a long shower and i needed it. i'm not done yet. my face is clearing back up, but my hair is going to need a few more days of five hour shampoo & conditioner baths to recover from getting bleached with steroid sweat. when i'm detoxed, my normal sweat has a lot of estrogen and acts as a cleanser; this dirty poison steroid sweat makes me filthy, all around. yuck.

i'll just have to do that again tomorrow. and the next night. and again until it's done.

i haven't eaten yet, but i'm kind of exhausted from the shower.

my hair is certainly better than it was a few hours ago.

mensa international generates about 15 million dollars in annual revenue.

https://rocketreach.co/american-mensa-profile_b5c6e821f42e0cdf

i was holding on to a little constipation for much of today. i pooped it out this evening and i'm feeling fully cleared out and pretty stable.

i bought a lot of bacon last time i was out for the poutine, but the poutine is hot and sour soup based, and i still need to eat through these red peppers before they rot. there's two big ones and a fair amount of mini ones left, then two yellows and a bowl full of orange peppers. the potatoes are still ok. i don't have enough avocadoes left and need to buy more soon, so i should focus on using those items up and plan around getting to the blood lab for a clean test as soon as i can, maybe even as soon as monday. 

i did dye my hair. it's very bleached. i tried to let the conditioner sit in it and it just dried right out and frizzed up. as mentioned previously, i know that the sweat i'm producing when drugged with steroids is having a devastating effect on my hair, so i've been waiting this out a little. i have to detox first, and then wash my hair. i can take the status of my hair as a good indicator of whether i've cleared my system out.

i still have a lot of pasta to eat and that's the best way to eat the ingredients i still have, for at least a few more days. what i'm going to do is make some pasta with bacon instead of bison or chicken, which can stay in the freezer, and homemade hot sauce. i know the homemade hot sauce is fine. i know the bacon is fine. if the pasta still triggers me after thst, i'll have to look at other causes to isolate and neutralize.

i'm still waiting for a call from a seconder for my srs letter. i'll be talking to my doctor again in a few days and intend to bring that up.

the thing about the heat in this region this summer is that it hasn't been extreme. it's been constant. in recent years, we've sometimes had these heat domes sink in, but they lift, and then you get a week of below seasonal weather. it balances out to a 27 or 28 degree average, but what that means here is that sometimes it's 35 and sometimes it's 24.

this year, it's been above seasonal pretty much every single day, but it hasn't swung into any extreme heat events. the hottest days have been under 35. we haven't come close to 40.

my perception is that this should consequently actually be interpreted as a cold summer, relative to the new normal, which is the old normal cranked up several degrees. if this was 30 years ago, it would be a summer where every day is 25, and without heat swings.

i wish i was able to go out and enjoy the weather but i've instead been dealing with these losers drugging me with garbage hormones in a conscious attempt to make me unattractive and depressed. i like this weather. i want to go out to all night dance parties in detroit and have fun. i can't. i'm stuck yelling at disgusting losers to smoke their drugs away from the house.

one of the biggest problems that needs to be dealt with in trying to save gaza, and why i've decided it's not worth it, is the overwhelming level of brainwashing. the level of de-nazification required to do something useful with the inhabitants of the gaza strip in the future is so overwhelming as to be futile.

it's better that egypt figures out what to do with them.

and they kind of need to deal with the fact that this is imminent, whether they like it or not. it's overdue. it's always been egypt's problem, and egypt has been negligent for decades in not dealing with it.

the imminent permanent destruction of gaza is meted out justice.

history will exonerate israel.

there are periodic examples through history of cities and societies that make terrible decisions and get utterly destroyed as punishment. gaza is in a list. it's not unique.

it deserved it.

gaza delenda est.

gaza is over. deal with it.

egypt needs to accept them.

population of egypt: 117 million.

population of gaza: 2.5 million

i would support forcibly relocating gazans to somewhere you can feed them in principle, to get them out of the way so the idf can annihilate hamas. it's harsh, but it's life. it's necessary. they'll thank you when they're fed.

but, cattle prodding them into a summer camp on the egyptian border doesn't sound like that at all.

it sounds like they're shoving them out of the way so trump can build his resort.

i slept well enough and woke up feeling stable. it's also largely clearing up. the female hormone bath is also having a bit of a positive effect on my figure that is reminding me what i used to and ought to look like :).

a last piece of kind of weird evidence is that i'm washing off this absurd garlic face. does garlic face make sense, if you put the steroids in a garlicky vinegar solution? i dunno. it's worth noting.

of what relevance is a pilot's gender?

the american tax payers trained these people and they perform an important service to the nation. it's the kind of foot-shooting that we most recently saw in stalinist russia and that leads to cultural collapse.

the united states could have more well trained pilots, or it could have less and it chose the latter to uphold specious bigotry. cultures that make decisions this stupid don't survive.

https://www.cbc.ca/news/world/transgender-air-force-1.7603653

elmo has had some outbursts before, you know.

don't let him trick you into thinking otherwise. 

elmo's a bad motherfucker.

here's my tuna melt. let's hope i'm ok after.

- i forgot i had instant rice. i was going to eat it with the guac. again, i'd never buy this.

- it's earthly grains 90 second cilantro lime rice.

- you microwave it for 90 second and let it sit. i did.

- in a microwavable bowl, open a can of tuna

- this tuna is bpa free. i didn't make that choice. it's also dated to august, 2024.

- i will occasionally buy tuna or fish, but i'm extremely skittish about the mercury. i'd rather eat freshwater fish from an indoor farm. fish are unusually stupid creatures. that doesn't mean it's ok to torture them, but i wouldn't be concerned about their quality of life. cows are comparably brilliant and will appreciate an open plain. i don't think fish give a fuck, although it's very hard to force them to breed in captivity. i wouldn't be overly concerned about depressed trout, unless it's kilgore or a masked replica.

- put some hot sauce in there

- add some cumin, some black pepper, some oregano, some paprika, some hemp seeds and some nutritional yeast.

- add some fresh garlic and some fresh dill

- add an avocado and a mini bell or hot pepper (i used orange)

- add some ceasar dressing

- mix it up good

- you'll need three pieces of bread. 

- don't be stupid. use whole wheat or whole grain bread.

- put the tuna salad mix on the bread

- put four or five slices of monterey jack on the tuna on each piece of bread.  i actually used jalapeno monterrey jack.

- put in microwave for 90 seconds

- put the rice in the bowl you used for the tuna

- add five slices of monterrey jack

- microwave for 30 seconds, if necessary

- add hemp seeds, nutritional yeast, ceasar

- stir

- this should be gooey and yummy

i'm eating it with a glass of orange-grapefruit juice.

i'm using my blog as a word processor yet again.

this document is being prepared both for police and for use in a t2 application against my current landlords. it is also relevant for lingering legal processes related to my previous tenancy. it still remains unclear if one of the stalkers is one of the previous owners or not, as i do not know their identity.

the police are not responding the way i'd like them to. i'm bringing up serious issues of stalking, forced drugging, conversion therapy and third-degree rape, and they're concerning themselves with the triviality of whether religious people found my report to be offensive, as though that is of paramount importance rather than my accusations of assault, and like i'm supposed to give a fuck, anyways. i may have to fight with them in order to overpower an inherently conservative systemic viewpoint, but the conclusion is abundantly clear and becoming more clear. a part of the reason i'm sending these emails out is that i understand i need a little help and i'm hoping i can convince somebody with some information to come forward and talk to police about it. i consistently tested in the 99th percentile on iq tests in school, and would probably qualify for mensa if i was dumb enough to pay for the dues, but this is an impossible problem for anybody to solve on their own, and i understand that. 

this is a good way to describe being dumb enough to pay your mensa dues, in my opinion:

i'm not wile e. coyote.

i think some levity is helpful. it keeps your arteries clear.

i don't have a choice, i have to fight back and flounder and fail until the issue gets resolved. my interaction with a substantive percentage of police has been that they don't think conversion therapy should be a crime, they think being transgendered should be a crime. they think conversion therapy should be the law. they've told me this to my face, and their reports, when they've been written, have expressed this - i've been accused of having mental health issues or being on drugs, without the slightest bit of evidence for either suggestion. well, that's what the religious authorities would mandate, so it comes down to their depth of faith, and whether they prioritize the value and purpose of secular or religious law, and what i'm trying to draw attention to is that the police force in windsor, and probably in many other places in ontario and canada, has a serious and growing issue to grapple with in dismantling how police officers interpret the conflict of interest they may have between the laws enforced by their religion and the laws as written by secular society when those things come into conflict. quebec is a half century ahead of us on this. as a staunch secularist, i have no patience for the idea of police officers enforcing their religious views on me and could not uphold the legitimacy of a state that is careening in that direction, as ours appears to be. that would be a system that needs to be fought against and dismantled and torn down and ripped out at the root, as our ancestors have done time and again in the course of various revolutionary events. the reality of religion inserting itself as a force of oppression is just a third layer to put on top of the uphill battle in front of me in getting an inherently, systemically macho, toxicly masculine, misogynist, transphobic, male supremacist institution (the police) to take me seriously when i complain about being drugged with steroids and taunted and harassed afterwards. then, i need to deal with a different set of conservative biases in the court. this is a very, very hard issue for a self-represented person on disability to stand up for their rights regarding. but, this law against conversion therapy was passed for a reason, even if this is the most absurdly oppressive way it is required imaginable. this couldn't be more brutal, it couldn't be worse. the state, at some level, recognized my rights are fragile and need extra protection. now, it needs to get enforcement to act. the brazen way in which i'm being drugged is just contributing to how unbelievably vicious the situation is.

i had previously indicated there were two results i needed to update you with:

- testosterone (urine)

- ketones (blood)

my blood ketones came back undetectable, but it wasn't the test i was hoping for. this test only tested for a specific ketone, acetoacetate. the reason is that the test is intended to catch diabetes at a dangerous stage, and i have zero symptoms of diabetes. the symptoms i have are of being drugged with anabolic steroids. this test was not as useful as i guessed and i won't do it again.

the testosterone in urine test is no longer performed in ontario, or covered by ohip. again, the reason for this is that the testosterone testing is not intended to catch involuntary doping. to be clear: if i was looking to catch doping, i would want to do a urine test, which is why i asked for one and why my doctor gave me a req for one, but catching doping is not (usually) a health care related test, so the system no longer offers it. i might be able to get it done at a hospital.

google explains:

what i want is sports testing to catch doping, which is urine and not blood, but that's not health care, so it's not covered or even available at any public labs in ontario.

i had a time window to catch this on saturday, aug 2nd that had closed by tuesday, aug 5th, the day after the holiday on aug 4th. so it doesn't matter, this time. i'll have to see what i can do about this if it happens again.

to recap:

- i had blood work done on july 7th that barely caught the tail end of something, but had strange creatinine and ketone results, which are suggestive of anabolic steroid use.

-  i went out a few times on the 7th, 8th and 9th but had to stay in on the 10th, as the secondary symptoms began to worsen.

- these had largely cleared up within about a week.

- on july 23rd, i left the house to get a blood req for a few hours in the evening.

- after july 23rd, until july 31st, i started repeatedly having auras associated with hemiplegic migraines, but without the migraines. i know from recent experience that this is a symptom of being drugged and a precursor to experiencing effects. 

- i eat once a day, usually, and sip coffee and water through the day. i have been keeping track of my diet recently. the bolded items contained hot sauce.

- july 16th:.  pasta with minor subs (5)  

- july 17th:  pasta with minor subs (6)

- july 18th (on the 19th):  pasta with minor subs (7)

- july 19th (on the 20th): cereal (one bowl of vector and all bran with paprika, flax, nutritional yeast, hemp seeds and soy, as per my normal diet and one bowl of instant oatmeal with a little real milk and an apple)

- july 20th (on the 21st): pasta with minor subs (8)

- july 21st (on the 22nd): pasta with minor subs (9)

- july 22nd: cereal day 2 in cycle 2 (final cycle 2 cereal day): one bowl of vector and all bran with paprika, flax, nutritional yeast, hemp seeds and soy, as per my normal diet and one bowl of instant oatmeal with a little real milk and two apples, one in the oatmeal and one standalone.

- july 23rd: cereal day 1 in cycle 3

- july 24: pasta with minor subs (10)

- july 25: cereal day 2 in cycle 3, same as 22 and 23, with the addition of 6 mini apple sauce containers.

- july 26: pasta with minor subs (11)

- july 27th - guac with white rice and canned corn. two pieces of white bread with plum better.

- july 28th: pasta with minor subs (12)

- july 29th: guac with white rice and canned corn. two pieces of white toast with olive oil margarine, and then two pieces of white bread with plum butter after. four more pieces of white bread, with plum butter and strawberry jam. 

- july 30th: pasta with minor subs (13), including fried chicken for salami.

- july 31st: a larger piece of fried chicken alone. pasta with minor subs (14), including a mix of buffalo and chicken for salami. six pieces of white bread with peanut butter and strawberry jam.

- i have a detailed, carefully researched diet plan that this list references and that i adhere to very closely in normal scenarios. i am not in a normal scenario and have had to eat around my diet plan based on availability.

- i don't normally eat this much pasta, but i have been getting food from the food bank recently and they gave me large amounts of ingredients that i would use to make pasta with, like red peppers, processed tomatoes, italian breads, broccoli and even processed pesto, in addition to lots of pasta, itself. it made sense to put all of the food bank food together into good pasta meals for a month. i bought extra ingredients like hot sauce, avocados, beets, carrots and cheese to eat around all of these pasta ingredients.

- i feel the need to post the pasta and guac recipes so it's clear what i'm eating.

pasta

pre-prep

- on a large flat plate add -  one tomato (preferred) or four-five mini tomatoes or 100 g of canned tomatoes or 85 g of arrabiata pasta sauce or 85 g of dried boxed tomatoes, one half a red pepper (diced), one avocado (diced), two cloves of garlic, one carrot, one beet, one tbsp of oregano, one tbsp of thyme, one tbsp of basil, some fresh dill (chopped). add one tbsp of processed pesto (includes italian cheeses).

- chop 150 g of fresh pineapple into small squares on a small plate. i purchased four actual pineapples at reduced price at the grocery store across the street because they were ripe, which is a good thing (who wants crunchy pineapples? it's better if they're a little soft.). i should get around 900 g 750 g of usable fruit per pineapple. i've eaten 3 of 4 of these ripe pineapples and am about to go to pineapple 4 and they are in fact nice and soft. somebody at the store really didn't get it.

- peel and segment one lime. chop each segment in half. put on same plate.

- slice and chop up 50 g of salami into small squares (i'm using spicy genoa sold in a 600 g amount). i finished the salami at pasta plate #12.  the food bank also gave me an unusual amount of frozen meat, which includes fried chicken and ground bison. 

- i fry the salami in olive oil margarine until a little crispy. i am cooking the bison the same way. the fried chicken is pre-cooked and i'm microwaving it.

- chop off the top of 25 g of broccoli florets and place on a small plate. place any stems in a bowl in the freezer, which is cumulative.

- grate 100 g of marble cheese

- weigh 110 g of dry pasta, preferably fettucine, but i will not be using fettucine for the foreseeable future. i went through three days of egg noodles and four days of fusilli. day eight will be half fusilli and half penne. it's been penne since and will be for a while still.

- cook to al dente in a covered pot.

preparation:

- add pasta on top of vegetables, right out of the pot. flatten pasta.

- add 1 tbsp of olive oil margarine on pasta.

- add pineapple and lime on top of that. flatten fruit.

- add salami or other meat on top of that. flatten meat.

- add 1 tbsp cumin, 1 tbsp nutritional yeast, 1 tbsp paprika, 1 tbsp hemp seeds, 1 tbsp sunflower seeds (or just chomp the last one). distribute these items evenly.

- add a lot of ceasar dressing (this is the pasta sauce), and bunch it up in the middle.

- add 1 tbsp of processed pesto

- add the grated marble cheese

- microwave for 2:00

- sprinkle crushed broccoli florets

- add frank's hot sauce, black pepper, a tbsp of cayenne pepper (sprinkled).

 

served with

- serve with some bread and olive oil margarine. the food bank gave me a lot of bread, including garlic cheese buns (first up), a baguette (second) and a loaf of unsliced italian bread (third), which i'm currently eating through.

- serve with tall glass of 25% grapefruit, 75% orange juice

guac

my normal guac is as follows:

- 2 avocados

- 4 cloves of garlic

- one carrot

- one beet

- one orange

- one lime

- spices & vitamins (cumin, hemp seeds, sunflower seeds, paprika, nutritional yeast, dill)

- ten slices of medium cheddar cheese

- caesar dressing

- frank's hot sauce

this would normally be half of a meal. i have been supplementing this as noted, with corn and white rice.

i also ate some bread with two types of jam over this week.

- during the week of july 23rd-30th, i repeatedly woke up listening to the stalkers talking to me, but it had no direct effect on me that i could notice. it was clear that they were expecting some effect, but all that i noticed was the auras associated with the headaches. i documented this with police. i would ask police to check the call records from my phone number.

- around 5:00 am on july 30th, i ate a large plate of pasta (as per the above recipe) that had cut pieces of frozen fried chicken in place of salami. 

- at about 00:00 on july 31st, i microwaved and ate a piece of frozen fried chicken.

- i took a long shower over night.

- at about 6:00 am, i ate another large plate of pasta (as per the above recipe) that had both cut pieces of frozen fried chicken and fried ground buffalo in place of fried salami. the buffalo was fried in the same grease that i used to fry the salami, which had been left out when i went out on the 23rd.

- i slept around 7:00.

- i woke up at 8:00 to urinate and began to experience intense effects of being drugged, include a two hour 30%-priapism that was quite obviously chemically generated, given that i'm castrated and take t-blockers. it was not a full or even a half priapism, probably due to the t-blockers and estrogen in my system. this could not be explained any way other than drugs, even if i wasn't castrated. i documented this with police.

-  i had to sit in the shower for several hours before it resolved. the process was emotionally draining and left me exhausted. i went back to sleep.

- i woke up around noon in the same condition of 30% priapism and had to do the same thing.

- i planned to go to the blood lab right away on friday morning (august 1st), so i ate earlier than normal. instead of making pasta, i had peanut butter and jam sandwiches.

- the 30%-priapism didn't truly pass until the evening, and only after i defecated. it passed instantly on defecation, but it came back.

- my two guesses are that this was either the result of being drugged in my food or the result of breathing in second hand crack cocaine from a neighbour.

- i decided over night to wait a day to see if the priapism would fade as a result of not eating and what i experienced is that it kept coming back after defecation, but also the defecation kept resolving it. i decided to sleep it off over the day, instead.

- i woke up in the evening and ate four pieces of white bread and a half a jar of peanut butter before eight o'clock pm. 

- i was awake all night, fasting for the blood test.

- i had my blood tested at around 8:00 on aug 2nd.

- the results were as previously stated including 4x the normal testosterone result, but it was a day late because i was testing.

- except for some blood sugar to stay awake, i did not eat again until aug 3rd.

- my meals for the next few days were as follows. the bolded items contained hot sauce:

- aug 1st: four pieces of white bread and the rest of the peanut butter.

- aug 2nd: four marshmallows, two bananas and a chocolate bar. 

- aug 3rd: two bowls of quinoa without subs (one for aug 1st early in morning, one for aug 2nd around 7:00 am).

- aug 4th:  pasta with minor subs (14), including the buffalo/chicken mix for salami (for aug 3rd). two pieces of toasted italian bread. 

- i was out much of the day on aug 2nd. i did not eat, except the items mentioned.

- i noticed the secondary effects of the drugging become overwhelming on the afternoon of aug 2nd. however, i was exhausted and slept and actually slept well due to doubling up on the blockers, and woke up late at night without a priapism. 

- i made some quinoa around midnight when i woke up and ate it and made some more about 7:00 but went back to sleep before finishing it. i received my blood results when i woke up and wrote the previous document while i ate the first bowl of quinoa, early in the morning.

i need to share my quinoa recipe so what i'm eating is clear:

quinoa

- turn a burner on the stove on to full blast. highest setting. crank it to 11.

- measure a third a cup of quinoa and place it into a fine strainer. i use the basket from a broken coffee machine for this purpose. let it run under water for at least five minutes, moving it around every little while. the reason you rinse the quinoa is to remove the saponins, which may block the digestion of key nutrients.

- while the stove is preheating and the quinoa is rinsing, chop the following items and put it all into a big, serving bowl:

- one red pepper (or around 150 grams)

- one carrot (or around 110 grams)

- one beet

- 50 grams of broccoli florets

- one avocado

- two cloves of garlic

- one orange

- one lime

- when that is done, take the quinoa out of the strainer and put it into a sturdy pot

- add a tad more than 2/3 cups of water

- add a fair amount of frank's hot sauce. if you want to add other items to season, do it, but i just stick with the hot sauce.

- stir.

- put pot on stove and wait until it comes to a boil.

- when it's boiling, cover the pot.

- walk to your microwave and set it to 15 minutes.

- walk back to the stove and reduce the heat. i had a newer stove in my previous apartment, and i would set it to min. on my very old stove (70s) in this apartment, i set it to 3.

- while it is cooking, add the following to the bowl:

- a few strands of fresh dill

- 1 tbsp of paprika

- 1 tbsp of oregano

- 1 tbsp of sunflower seeds

- 1 tbsp of cayenne

- 1 tbsp of cumin

- a bunch of pepper

- 1 tbsp of hemp seeds

- 1 tbsp of nutritional yeast

- 10 slices of medium cheddar cheese

- a lot of ceasar dressing

- a lot of frank's hot sauce

- while you're getting used to your stove, check on the quinoa periodically to make sure it hasn't boiled all the water off. it's done when the water boils off. don't overcook.

- if there is still water after fifteen minutes, you didn't cook it at high enough temperature. that's ok. stir and let sit until water burns off.

- when it's done, remove from burner and let sit, covered, for five minutes.

- dump, hot, into bowl.

i eat the quinoa with a tall glass of fortified, sugar-free soy milk.

- after doubling up on the suppressors and sleeping well on the evening of the 2nd, and after eating one and a half quinoa meals with a lot of franks on the morning of the 3rd, they woke me up at about 9:30 am on aug 3rd with another priapism.

- i spent all day in the shower 

- i doubled up the suppressors again and then slept well in the evening. i woke up late on the 3rd.

- i made more pasta early on the 4th and had eaten most of it by 7:00 am. i did not sleep well, but it was because i was having several active bowel movements. as was the case previously, and has been the case for some time, the symptoms would recur and pass with defecating. i tried to sleep it off a little.

- i woke up in the evening and tried to figure this out. i found the article explaining that steroids are reabsorbed in the colon.

- i posted the following to my blog at 1:34 on aug 5th and it does contain some details but these are necessary and relevant:

--

- i finished eating around 20:00. it was the last bit of pasta and a couple of pieces of toasted italian bread. after eating the garlic cheese buns, i ate through the baguette and mostly ate the white bread with pb and jam and plum butter. i still have the loaf of italian bread, a loaf of whole wheat bread and a loaf of flax/quinoa bread i bought myself.

- i took a giant shit a few hours ago that cleared out the most recent pasta (it was after the giant quinoa shit). i just pushed out whatever was left as i was typing this.

- a few hours later, i doubled up on all of my hormones all at once - t-blockers, estrogen and progesterone. this is a lot of everything. my doctor would scream at me, but my liver and kidneys are testing ok, and i had to do this to test. this is intended to just overwhelm my system, and it might make me a little sick, but that's ok.

- i then masturbated, which i almost never do. it'd been about four months. ish. i don't like to masturbate because it's male performative. i won't get into the details, but i masturbate in a way that minimizes the male performative aspect as much as possible. it's actually fairly female performative. i cannot generally get erect at all, let alone maintain an erection, and masturbating is sort of weird for that reason. i have to kind of rub up against a mostly limp appendage. i don't usually ejaculate anything out when it's done and the fact that i did tonight is further proof that i've recently been drugged. anything i might do to negate this aside, the reality is that my anatomy is what it is and it's impossible to get around the male performative component, so i'd rather just avoid it altogether. when my testosterone is properly suppressed, i can and have gone months and months, perhaps years (i didn't keep track) without masturbation, but i have been drugged recently and i had to face the cold reality that, because i've been repeatedly drugged and haven't ejaculated in months, anything clogging up my system would be contributing to the problem, in terms of experiential effects. i did this to clear my system out. it should both make me feel better and help isolate sources, for testing. now that i'm completely cleared out, my body should have a difficult time generating anything further, unless i'm drugged again. 

- now, i need to be clear about this. when they removed my testicles, they removed both my sperm cells and my vas deferens, so i'm physically incapable of generating or ejecting any kind of sperm at all. however, i do still have a prostate and i do still have various tubes and ducts like the seminal vesicle that create the non-sperm parts of semen, like the lubricating fluid. what came out would actually be mostly sugar, and a bit of protein. once again, when my testosterone is properly suppressed, my body does not produce this fluid, either. however, i've been repeatedly drugged, and there was some fluid in my ducts for that reason. it's more proof that i've been drugged. i expelled that from my body, and it should make a positive difference.

- if i don't get drugged again, it should take months for this fluid to build back up to any substantive level, if it even does at all. if it builds back up quickly, it's evidence that the source of testosterone i'm being drugged with is in the air or in my food.

- i'm going to avoid eating for a while and see what happens.

i'm essentially clearing myself out as much as i can, radically shocking my system with a massive female hormone bath and then seeing what happens. do symptoms cease, indicating i have successfully detoxed and they'll have to get in here to drug me again? or do they continue, indicating it's in my food, or that i'm breathing it in?

for tonight, i'm going to try to clean up and finally get my hair dyed. the massive flush of estrogen will have other, beneficial side effects, as well.

if i notice continued symptoms of forced drugging, i will get to the lab on tuesday or wednesday. otherwise, i'm going to need to wait until what i just shocked my system with comes down a little.

--

i had the following meals over the next couple of days, the bolded with hot sauce:

- aug 5th: bacon and eggs (no salsa)  (for aug 4th)

- aug 6th: pasta with minor subs (15), including the buffalo/chicken mix for salami. two pieces of toasted italian bread. (for aug 5th)

- aug 7th: guac with yellow pepper, homemade hot sauce and canned corn. (for aug 6th)

- after shocking my system late on the 4th, i had bacon and eggs around 7:00 on the 5th and went to sleep in the morning.

- i slept most of the day.

- the stalkers woke me up several times, but did not succeed in generating any kind of unwanted aroused response.

- i did experience some strange effects and took some tums in the afternoon to block it. the calcium has frequently been effective in blocking unwanted effects.

- a bowel movement i had at 16:00 on the 5th seemed to clear out the remaining pasta and push out some of the bacon

- i was feeling stable and normal by the morning of the 6th. on some reflection and thought, i decided to have the pasta (with hot sauce and meat) right away, to test for a response.

- they woke me up at 10:00 am, but it was with a 10 second erection and not a priapism. this suggests dose was a factor. i doubled up on the hormones and went back to sleep and made an attempt to sleep it off by staying in bed until the afternoon. they woke me up again with a ten second erection and i doubled up on the hormones a second time around 14:00.

- i woke up around 16:00, still feeling somewhat agitated. i concluded it was because i hadn't passed the pasta yet, perhaps due to the tums taken the day previously.

- i deduced that this test proved that the drugs are in my food and that there are three possible sources: the hot sauce, the buffalo and the chicken. however, only the hot sauce makes any serious sense, as oral steroids are soluble in vinegar.

- i decided to take all three items out of my diet until i could get a clean blood test and posted the following to my blog at 21:16 on aug 6th:

--

i can put together a plan.

- i need to detox the poisonous testosterone from my system, first. this substance is shit. people that take this voluntarily are retards. i don't want it in my system. i'd remove my kidneys and inject myself with red blood cells instead if i could. it's a complete garbage hormone with complete garbage effects.

- once that's done, i can take a blood test that will demonstrate what my blood chemistry looks like normally, in the absence of this bullshit i'm being drugged with.

- then i can buy a bottle of hot sauce at the store and make meals with it, locking myself inside until it's done.

- i can take another blood test after that

i have to find a way to test the hot sauce. it looks like they went overboard to overpower my blockers, and that means it should be easier to test and catch. 

--

- a little before midnight, i made some homemade hot sauce out of some white vinegar, some cayenne pepper and some garlic salt. i'll be eating that for the next few days, until i'm sure i've detoxed out the testosterone.

- after midnight on aug 7th, i had a bowl of guac with added creamed corn and yellow pepper and with the homemade hot sauce as a sub.

- while i was woken up several times on the morning of the 7th in various states of agitation, they did not succeed in arousing me. i concluded this was due to the pasta not passing as a result of the tums, but the dose from a single meal not being high enough to generate substantive effects.

- the pasta did pass in the afternoon, and the agitation passed instantly with it.

i will be eating the following meals over the next few days and expect it not to generate any level of arousal when i'm sleeping. if i am wrong, i will need to recalculate. as stated, i am not a doctor, i am somebody with a high level of education that the system identified as a gifted child and that is trying my best to solve a very hard problem and can only do the best i can. 

i am strictly empirically driven. i will not allow theory to skew or distort experimental results. i will follow where ever the evidence leads me, as best and as clearly as i can follow it, to where ever it leads me to.

- aug 7th: monterrey jack tuna melt with homemade hot sauce. (on aug 8th)

- aug 8th: pasta with minor subs (16), homemade hot sauce and no salami sub.  (on aug 9th)

once i have thoroughly detoxed my system of testosterone, i will get tested again. i want there to be a recent, clean blood test on the record. that will be the next outcome, unless they drug me again via some other method first, which i will need to react to as it occurs.

on the afternoon of the 7th, i took some pictures of my hot sauce containers:

at the start of june, i bought the big container of hot sauce. i put large amounts of hot sauce on everything and keep used bottles of hot sauce in my cupboard to partition the product, as purchased in bulk. the large container produces about 7 bottles worth of the product for the cost of less than three in the store. it's better than half price.

i have been eating this product in huge quantities for 35 years and i've never noticed it separate like this:

i find that very suspicious.

it is possible that it might be vinegar, but i've never seen that before.

i do not know how to test the hot sauce for steroids. i have previously asked police, and they have indicated they would only sent something to the lab if they were looking for illegal drugs. i don't have the resources to afford an expensive lab test, and it's not clear to me who would have the proper kits or litmus papers to do it correctly.

rigorous scientific testing would be better, but what i have at my disposal is logic.

i have now cleared my colon out.

i will avoid the frank's, the bison and the chicken for a bit, get tested at a low point and then try to figure it out once i've stabilized.

i think it's important that i get a "normal" blood test next to prove the point.

i support bc's position, and so do many of the indigenous groups, who have the solidarity of wide swaths of canadians.

https://www.ctvnews.ca/politics/article/poilievre-says-of-bc-premier-eby-that-one-man-cant-block-pipeline-proposal/

americans need to start taking responsibility for the consequences of their own behaviour.

if they don't like the wildfires, they should start by getting rid of their suv.

what's going to happen is that the giant canadian boreal forest is going to turn into a giant gobi desert.

the world thinks americans are stupid.

do they not understand that they're the number one contributor to climate change, by a large margin?

there's not anything we can do up here. we have giant swaths of forests. it's four million square kilometres; that's about 10% of the world's tree cover. our boreal forest is the second largest forest in the world. only the amazon is larger. however, the amazon is a rainforest and canada's boreal forest is relatively dry, and often full of snow. these giant forested areas don't get a lot of rain at any time of the year, ever. climate change - driven largely by the habits of american consumers - has shot the temperature up by well over 5 degrees in some of these regions, which can result in absurd 20+ degree temperature jumps in the spring, fall and summer. as the temperature has gone up and the region has remained dry, these timber forests are literally matchboxes waiting to go up. the population density in these regions is also very low, which makes catching and fighting fires in these dense, dry forests impossible by any other method than air. we often just need to wait for the forest to burn down.

canadians have had serious losses from these forest fires. we've lost major tourist destinations like jaspar. banff and kelowna are disasters waiting to happen. there's been innumerable lost houses and massive amounts of property damage.

when the trees burn down, it sets off a chain reaction in much of the landscape, which is mountainous. the trees keep the land in place. the mountain creates an effect called a rain shadow, which blocks pacific moisture on the east side (making it dry) and creates torrential down pours on the western side. the lack of trees causes landslides which are wiping out infrastructure. that is largely america's fault, and in a global legal system we'd be able to seek damages for negligence.

the only solution to this is going to need to be for weather patterns to shift, which the rockies are going to make extremely difficult. weather generally moves west to east. even if the water starts melting along the coast, that doesn't eliminate the rockies as a barrier. you just get more rain in vancouver.

if the americans want to actually fix this, they'll have to do it using their haarp weather modification systems, which i do suspect are probably real. canada needs more rain to stop it from burning. stop bitching at us and make it happen.

https://www.ctvnews.ca/winnipeg/article/michigan-lawmaker-calls-on-canada-to-take-action-on-wildfire-smoke/

i've been concerned about this.

my nexus card has an F on it. i don't know what will happen if i use it.

i expect the next president will reverse this immediately.

https://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/article/sign-of-concern-lawyers-sound-alarms-after-canada-updates-its-nexus-card-gender-policy/

in canada, the liberals appear to be the religious right to young people, while the conservatives appear to be the secular left.

that's the legacy trudeau left us with.

he was the far right.

i'm a little constipated. i suppose it's the tums i took the other day. that made me feel a little bloated last night, and i actually had to stop to sit down while i was doing the dishes. i feel asleep and was out for the morning.

i still need to pass the pasta from yesterday, but i'm looking and feeling substantively better. i will need another day or two to clean up and may be able to get out to the next step by monday.

the losers are still here and still talking to me.

i had a weird dream where cattle rushing into a local river turned into dogs, and one of them became a pitbull and attacked one of the dogs in my house when i was a teenager, minnie. my childhood dog, goldie, tried to intervene, but the pitbull succeeded in killing minnie and we had to intervene to save goldie. we then buried minnie in the river. i woke up feeling disturbed and upset, but it passed quickly enough once i realized i was awake. i also had weird dreams about islamic radicals storming my apartment. if they drugged me with something that knocked me right out and came in here when i was out cold, would i dream about it? it again left me feeling a little uncomfortable. i feel ok. no headaches. the window i'm worried about is closed shut. i need some coffee.

i have no idea what they were trying to generate, but that's what they got.

the reasons young people think the liberals want to take away their rights and might be right include:

- they don't believe in free speech anymore. like, at all. that needs to be corrected and needs to be a dominant priority.

- they prioritize religion over freedom and even take the orwellian phrase "religious freedom" seriously.

- the pandemic. all of it. although it should be pointed out that the conservatives at the provincial level were actually worse.

- they want to control what and how you post on the internet

- they want to take away facebook and tiktok

this is a small subset, but these are issues that get people up off the couch and out to vote and there's a long list of ways that the liberals (mostly under trudeau) went out of their way to control and dominate, which isn't what liberals or the left are supposed to do, it's what conservatives are supposed to do.

if you were to test them on issues, you would see canadian kids are probably even more left-wing than kids elsewhere, but what they're reacting to is the fact that the conservatives are running to the left of the liberals on social issues because the liberals have swung so ridiculously far to the right on them that it's allowed them to do that.

this is in fact actually happening in the united states, too. it's why donald trump is in power. on scores of cultural and social issues that actually matter to voters, the republicans are running well to the left of the democrats, nowadays. the republicans, however, also have a series of issues where they threaten peoples' rights, like abortion, that prevents them from really swinging out to the left of the democrats the way that the conservatives are swinging out to the left of the liberals.

the ndp voting base is currently up for grabs. a lot of it has already swung to the conservatives, and a lot of them are young people. they could complete the transition of the conservatives into the canadian left, as the liberals continue to consolidate the canadian right.

This continues to make Canada the only Western democracy in which the usual demographics of political leanings have been flipped on their head.

https://nationalpost.com/opinion/first-reading-mark-carney-is-pleasing-old-people-and-basically-nobody-else

the key is actually in realizing that, on social issues, the politics have actually flipped over. the liberals remain center-left economically, but they've swung to the hard right on social issues. conversely, the conservatives are still the economic right, but they're increasingly the left on social concerns.

most canadians vote on social issues, not on economic issues. in canada, it's not the economy, stupid.

young people increasingly see the liberals as a threat to their civil liberties, and they might be right.

hey kathy.

say hi to jesus for me.

this is supposed to be a democrat.

on second thought, i don't need that tuna sandwich yet. a few hours. i'm thinking caesar, dill, monterrey jack. again, i never buy tuna, but it was in the food bank stuff. i don't buy mayo, but i have a lot of caesar.

i think it's the corn that filled me up. that's why there aren't any aztecs anymore, right? too much fibre, not enough vitamins. it really takes a special kind of lack of nutrients to fail to invent the wheel by the age of discovery. i feel like a fucking pinata.

so, let me pass this first.

(reality check: i might have gained five pounds)

i'm not generally very interested in yelling about cultural appropriation, as it implies that cultural groups have property rights over their cultures, and i think that that's bullshit.

however, based on what i understand about islam, i would not expect that most muslims would consider this to be a sign of respect at all. the hijab is not a fashion item, it holds a particular religious significance, which ms. hochul does not adhere to. muslims would be more likely to interpret it as an insult than as a gesture of respect.

i think it reflects a wrong-headedness in fake left political discourses. i know from reading previous news reports that ms. hochul is a christian, and she has said many things that frighten me, like that she talks to god. unless she wants to follow in the footsteps of mohammad and joseph smith, she should stick to her own lane. her own voters will appreciate it.

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/03/nyregion/cruz-hochul-head-scarf-officer-funeral.html

i need to keep very close track of what i'm eating.

my normal guac is as follows:

- 2 avocados

- 4 cloves of garlic

- one carrot

- one beet

- one orange

- one lime

- spices & vitamins (cumin, hemp seeds, sunflower seeds, paprika, nutritional yeast, dill)

- ten slices of medium cheddar cheese

- caesar dressing

- frank's hot sauce

this would normally be half of a meal.

i have added a yellow pepper and a can of corn, which i realized was cream of corn after i opened it and added a layer of sweetness to the bowl that is unusual. i have subbed the frank's for my own hot sauce, for now.

there's a layer of oil on the top of every single one of the bottles of frank's i haven't touched yet. this is something separating out of the mixture. i've been eating piles of frank's on everything for years and i've never seen that before. it's extremely suspicious.

the vinegar looks clear, but i don't know what that means. i'm going to try it tonight, and if i wake up feeling like garbage then i'll throw it away.

there was a quarter cup of vinegar left. i initially put a quarter cup of water, two tablespoons of cayenne pepper and some unmeasured amount of sprinkled onion salt that i'd guess was a teaspoonish. it wasn't dissolving in the measuring cup, so i put it in a bottle and shook it. the mixture is a darker colour than frank's, but doesn't taste that different. i added a bit of water (unmeasured), another chunk of cayenne that had bunched in the container and a bit of onion sat that had bunched and started shaking it. i may add more of each item.

i suspect this will need to sit a day or two but i'm going to try it in the guac tonight anyways.

i should point out that i realize that buffalo meat contains items like zinc which are used in testosterone production, but that doesn't matter because i don't have testicles and because i'm taking suppressors. i don't eat a lot of meat, but i have never been strictly vegan, and it's never caused my testosterone to spike before.

if i conclude the buffalo is the problem, i'm going to be looking for a side of crow (should i go get a possum, too?) but it doesn't make any sense to me and would be secondary. i mean, maybe the buffalo meat made the steroids in the hot sauce worse, and maybe if i were to isolate either of them it wouldn't have any real effect. i could make sense of that.

if they're getting these drugs illegally, they're apparently quite expensive.

if there's a way other than temperature to recover a solute, i don't know what it is.

hrmmn.

if they drugged the hot sauce, would they drug the vinegar? should i take a chance?

i have some vinegar, some cayenne pepper and some garlic salt.

i could try to make my own hot sauce.

the frank's is dark red and you wouldn't catch anything dropped in it. the vinegar is...vinegar. it's clear. i don't want to burn it. how else can i tell if they spiked it?

this morning was not a priapism or anything close to it. it was a return to the 10 second erection that faded immediately on waking up, but it's enough to make the point abundantly clear. i had cleared my system out enough that i woke up repeatedly with no effect yesterday morning and earlier this morning. something changed, and the only source is the food i ate. it's mild enough that it's incremental enough to make sense.

i have to make sure i'm keeping close track of what i'm eating.

i still have one pineapple left, some limes and oranges, some red, orange and yellow peppers and some broccoli to eat (the last food bank run gave me a lot of broccoli and a lot of bell peppers, which is great, as those are staples in my diet that i didn't get previously), so i'm not going to put the pasta down entirely, but i am going to remove the three items i think are suspect - the kfc chicken, the ground buffalo and the hot sauce - until i fully detox, and then bring them back in one by one, with the hot sauce last.

the pasta without the hot sauce is tolerable. the guac without the hot sauce is going to be an adjustment but ok. salsa and quinoa (lentils) without hot sauce seem almost impossible, given the recipes.

there are other items to eat up, like the poutine. i bought a fair amount of bacon the last time i was out. if i eat these other items first, and maybe get through some canned food, then i can put the hot sauce reliant items aside for a few days, until i buy fresh bottle at the store. i had portioned out hot sauce i bought in bulk into a half dozen containers and let it sit unpackaged when i went out, which i should not live in fear of doing. i had to let them do it and then catch them, because the police either aren't listening or are actually so corrupt and crooked that they're drugging me themselves.

while it's hard for me to make sense of how they could inject the steroids into the chicken or beef in a way that would bypass my liver, something that is more possible is that they might have dropped something into my pan, where it would be soluble. i had a pan with a little bit of salami grease and a little bit of olive oil. i left it on the stove, covered, without changing it when i went out, and was reusing it when i was cooking. if they dropped something in there and i then fried the buffalo up in it, i might have then consumed it, and it might have been the cause of the difference in experience. steroids are generally absorbed better in fatty meals. that doesn't really explain the totality of the last few days, though. only the hot sauce really correlates, but i'm not done testing yet.

i'm going to be keeping close track of this over the next few days as i sort this out.

tonight, i'm going to have my normal guac but with no hot sauce, with added yellow pepper and canned corn and with a monterrey jack tuna sandwich melt on the side. i'll post the recipe.

- june 16th: doubled up salsa with chick peas, cheese, spices and vitamins.

- june 17th: onion soup bacon poutine

- june 18th: basic doritos nachos and french onon soup with bacon

- june 19th: doubled up salsa reprise

- june 20th: caesar salad without subs

- june 21st: 2nd onion soup poutine with onion soup and last chance salad

- june 22rd: 3rd onion soup poutine with onion soup with beets

- june 23rd: caesar salad without subs

- june 24th: caesar salad without subs

- june 25th: bacon and eggs without subs, no salsa

- june 26th: bacon and eggs without subs, no salsa

- june 27th: ad hoc pad thai

- june 28th: broccoli soup

- june 29th: fridge-clearing meal (oranges & garlic bread)

- june 30th: kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 1st:    kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 2nd:  kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 3rd:  10 packages of instant oatmeal, in 5 installments. spaghetti-os + spices & vitamins (cumin, cayenne, pepper, oregano, paprika, sunflower seed, hemp seed, nutritional yeast, frank's).

- july 4th:  a can of stew and a can of corn, plus spices & vitamins.

- july 5th: a package of jasmine rice i had put aside as a quinoa sub (it probably isn't), with a can of peas and a can of tomato soup, plus spices and vitamins.

- july 6th: a can of beans cooked in a can of vegetable soup, plus spices and vitamins.

- july 7th:  two cans of chicken noodle soup, plus spices and vitamins. tim's xl double-double coffee in morning. two builders protein mini bars in evening. 7-11 coffee with jalapeno taquito late at night.

- july 8th: food bank junk food eat through - two bags of "real vegetable chips" (one big, one small), a bag of goldfish crackers, one mini crispy crunch, some strawberry licorice, prime energy drink, two tim horton's donuts, little ceasar's pepperoni pizza with unlabelled chocolate milk product.

- july 9th: another prime energy drink with another unlabelled chocolate milk product, unlabelled food bank ginger bread (two loaves)

- july 10th: pasta with minor subs (1), third energy drink, sour cream n cheddar chips

- july 11th: sour cream 'n' bacon, sour cream 'n' onion chips

- july 12th: more licorice, pasta with minor subs (2)

- july 13th: jalapeno cheddar chips, pasta with minor subs (3)

- july 14th: 10 baby cookies, pasta with minor subs (4)

- july 15th: i ate most of the 14th pasta on the 15th and followed it with the remaining baby cookies (which are actually french butter cookies, not baby cookies. they look like baby cookies). i did not make pasta for the 15th.

- july 16th:.  pasta with minor subs (5)

- july 17th:  pasta with minor subs (6)

- july 18th (on the 19th):  pasta with minor subs (7)

- july 19th (on the 20th): cereal (one bowl of vector and all bran with paprika, flax, nutritional yeast, hemp seeds and soy, as per my normal diet and one bowl of instant oatmeal with a little real milk and an apple)

- july 20th (on the 21st): pasta with minor subs (8)

- july 21st (on the 22nd): pasta with minor subs (9)

- july 22nd: cereal day 2 in cycle 2 (final cycle 2 cereal day): one bowl of vector and all bran with paprika, flax, nutritional yeast, hemp seeds and soy, as per my normal diet and one bowl of instant oatmeal with a little real milk and two apples, one in the oatmeal and one standalone.

- july 23rd: cereal day 1 in cycle 3

- july 24: pasta with minor subs (10)

- july 25: cereal day 2 in cycle 3, same as 22 and 23, with the addition of 6 mini apple sauce containers.

- july 26: pasta with minor subs (11)

- july 27th - guac with white rice and canned corn. two pieces of white bread with plum better.

- july 28th: pasta with minor subs (12)

- july 29th: guac with white rice and canned corn. two pieces of white toast with olive oil margarine, and then two pieces of white bread with plum butter after. four more pieces of white bread, with plum butter and strawberry jam. 

- july 30th: pasta with minor subs (13), including fried chicken for salami.

- july 31st: a larger piece of fried chicken alone. pasta with minor subs (14), including a mix of buffalo and chicken for salami. six pieces of white bread for peanut butter and strawberry jam.

- aug 1st: four pieces of white bread and the rest of the peanut butter. quinoa without subs (on aug 3rd).

- aug 2nd: four marshmallows, two bananas and a chocolate bar. quinoa without subs (on aug 3rd).

- aug 3rd: pasta with minor subs (14), including the buffalo/chicken mix for salami (on aug 4th). two pieces of toasted italian bread.

- aug 4th: bacon and eggs (no salsa) 

- aug 5th: pasta with minor subs (15), including the buffalo/chicken mix for salami. two pieces of toasted italian bread.

- aug 6th: guac with yellow pepper, homemade hot sauce and canned corn with a monterrey jack tuna melt.

- aug 7th: pasta with minor subs (16), no hot sauce and no salami sub. 

i don't want to live in the bronze age or the dark ages.

i want to live in the space age.

i can put together a plan.

- i need to detox the poisonous testosterone from my system, first. this substance is shit. people that take this voluntarily are retards. i don't want it in my system. i'd remove my kidneys and inject myself with red blood cells instead if i could. it's a complete garbage hormone with complete garbage effects.

- once that's done, i can take a blood test that will demonstrate what my blood chemistry looks like normally, in the absence of this bullshit i'm being drugged with.

- then i can buy a bottle of hot sauce at the store and make meals with it, locking myself inside until it's done.

- i can take another blood test after that

i have to find a way to test the hot sauce. it looks like they went overboard to overpower my blockers, and that means it should be easier to test and catch. 

i can't do anything until i detox and clean myself up. i can't go to a blood lab. i can't do laundry. i can't go to the police station. i can't look for apartments. i can't take the garbage out. i can do nothing but lock myself inside and wash myself until i'm clean and the disgusting filth they're enforcing on me in the name of their bronze age rules has washed off.

we need to wake up and fight back before it's too late.

canada is on the brink of entering a devastating muslim dark age that will dismantle and destroy the country, unless we stand up and stand together and rise up and fight back.

i'll have to make that choice in the next week or two.

the only food source that actually makes sense is the hot sauce. if the problem persists, i guess i was wrong and will need to look at the drugs being smoked downstairs or at the windows as sources.

.....almost.

if cutting the hot sauce out is effective in removing the testosterone, i may decide it makes more sense to stay here and sue them.

but i can't sit here and keep getting harassed. i need to find somewhere safe to stay.

it's hard to make sense of how they could put it in the meat.

i had pasta last night and the result was pretty brutal, pretty fast. i had to double up on the suppressors again this morning. twice.

i'll need to remove the hot sauce from my diet. the next set of tests will come after i've detoxed the testosterone from my system and am back to looking like my self again, to demonstrate what a normal blood test looks like.

i'm further deciding i'll have to move as soon as possible.

some of the greatest heroes of english and western culture include people like oscar wilde, alan turing, galileo, socrates and adam weishaupt who were targeted, harassed and in some cases killed by the religious and political authorities for daring to challenge the official views of the church and/or the state. i could stand on the shoulders of shorter giants.

the drugs are in my food. it's probably the hot sauce; it could potentially be the meat. the police appear to be involved, which means i might be being targeted by my own government.

this is canada, which is being taken over by radical islamism.

i've thought about this a bit and i'm deciding that what the world wants from israel in gaza - israel to rule it without annexing it - is impossible.

the world wants israel to feed gaza. it wants israel to police gaza. in return, israel doesn't collect tax revenue from gaza and has no legal jurisdiction over it. the world wants it both ways.

israel has been trying to explain that it has no real responsibility to feed gaza, and the aid chaos is a result of a lack of local policing. hamas itself, which should be in charge of police but has delegated it to islamic jihad, which does not enforce legislated laws but instead enforces religious codes, points to egypt as responsible for the blockade. the world doesn't want to listen.

this probably isn't israel's train of thought, but it remains true: if it is israel's responsibility to feed and police the region, it needs to be able to levy taxes, and it needs jurisdiction. that requires annexation.

palestinian statehood is absurd. the egyptians won't take the city back. it leaves israel with few other options.

the world can't have it both ways. either gaza is not israel's responsibility and the problem is egypt, or gaza is israel's responsibility and it needs jurisdiction to tax and police it.

no. this is stupid.

the europeans completely outsmarted trump, who agreed to sell off a half a trillion dollars of his manufacturing base to his frenemies across the pond. that was dumb.

you'll see how it plays out.

trump has three years left, max. i don't think he makes it that long.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2025/aug/06/eu-us-trade-deal-trump

for covid, specifically, most people should take whole virus vaccines.

a more stable virus like polio may be better targeted by mrna vaccines.

my understanding is that he's actually right.

mrna vaccine technology should be used to attack viruses that are more stable than the flu or covid, which will mutate at a high rate on a regular schedule. the problem is that it's too specific, so it loses efficacy faster than the oldest method, which i understand is still the best, which is just injecting dead virus.

if you use the whole virus, the vaccine may still stimulate antibodies based on other parts of the virus, even after it's mutated several times. if you use just the spike protein, it will stop working when the spike protein changes.

mrna vaccines may cause viruses to mutate in the specific way to evade the vaccines. that is less random than not using mrna vaccines. i wouldn't expect this is a big deal, though.

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c74dzdddvmjo

he did not have sexual relations with that underage woman.

has he said that yet? 

he's going to.

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c79l38vl3lwo

we can use the steel, copper and aluminum in construction, too. we need more affordable apartment buildings.

if they actually do this, it's the best news i've heard in years.

https://www.pm.gc.ca/en/news/news-releases/2025/08/05/prime-minister-carney-announces-new-measures-transform-canada

the coffee made me poop. that's normal. there was some bacon in there, but also bits of the previous pasta, like red sauce (paprika or tomatoes) and some spices that might have been dill. i wasn't completely cleared out. i should have eggs again tonight, then.

i don't know if it's because it cleared my colon or because the muscle contractions in peristalsis also tend to completely clear your urinary tract, but that cleared me out, as it has previously. repeatedly.

the thing i understand is the steroids and testosterone. it's pretty clear somebody is drugging me with that. i should focus on catching and prosecuting that, and then try to figure out the rest after.

this morning was very weird but is upholding my previous deductions.

i didn't get to cleaning up or dying my hair, which is today's priority. i put together some documents for police, and i had some eggs around 7:00. i fell asleep around 8:00. i was already feeling a little agitated, but very tired, and i succumbed.

they woke me up a couple of times - around 9:00, around 10:30, around 12:30. i was limp each time. i sleep with my midsection covered. they have no actual idea what is going on down there, but they aren't reacting to evidence, they're operating on "theory". 

this suggests that the suppression worked and that there was no testosterone in the bacon and eggs. the bacon and eggs uses a lot of margarine to make, and i used up the last of the bin. i think i can be confident that it's not in there. i had a big glass of juice; it wouldn't be likely to be in there, but the grapefruit juice might be making it worse. i put a little ceasar dressing on there. i did not use hot sauce.

however, on two occasions that i woke up to urinate i went back to sleep and experienced something i might describe as a full body orgasm. this would be building on the sensation i started feeling in the morning before i ate. i was limp throughout the process both times, but parts of my body were triggering. i could feel my scrotum contracting, with nothing coming out, and no subsequent erection. what was going on?

i don't know. i know my estrogen, progesterone and prolactin were all very high before i gave myself the hormone bath and, under different circumstances where i didn't think i was being watched and controlled, the feeling is such that i may want to fantasize about having vaginal sex. this was something more similar to female than to male arousal, and while i don't like being controlled, i'd be far more likely to get into this if they'd stop trying to masculinize me, which i don't like and think is gross and dumb. i'm not interested in male performative behaviour, which i think is primitive and stupid, and i'm going to push back and fight against them forever if they keep trying to generate erections, which i don't want. if they were to pump me full of estrogen and oxytocin, i might find myself unable to resist in the same way that i'm resisting their drugging of me with testosterone. this isn't an invitation by any means, i'm just pointing out that my reaction to their control methods in the absence of testosterone is very different than it is in the presence of it. cutting the testosterone out and replacing it with massive amounts of estrogen and progesterone almost made it not so bad, although i'm sure i'd get tired of this pretty quick, as well, if it started happening more frequently.

the first time, i fell asleep and woke up limp again around 12:30. the second time, i couldn't fall back asleep, and i couldn't stop the contractions, which kept coming, with no result. i was in this state of full body orgasm with my body repeatedly trying to trigger into priapism and repeatedly failing to do so for well over an hour before i took some calcium. i'll note i'm a little constipated, but i did pass some gas and it did relieve some pressure.

this is essentially the same thing that i've experienced over the previous few days, except that i'm back to being impotent and presume that there is minimal to no fructose sitting in my tubes to be cleared. it indicates that this is a two or three step process, but i already knew that. i've cut the testosterone out and am going to try to isolate it. i've determined that this started building before i ate.

i'll note that there was a smell of stale marijuana in the building this morning. i'll also note that if they came in here to put steroids in my hot sauce, they might have been able to put something like viagra in my juice, although the cause and effect doesn't uphold that. i was drinking a packaged instant coffee that is unlikely to have been tampered with.

i think the high female hormone levels are actually contributing and might be what i was feeling this morning, and that's ok, so long as i can get the testosterone back down to 0 where i want it. they wouldn't be causing my scrotum to dry contract and my body to repeatedly try to get erect and repeatedly fail, in the absence of any sexual stimulus, which i don't want. this only happens after i urinate, when i wake up. i think i'm breathing something in when i'm sleeping and pissing it out when i wake up and that thing isn't testosterone but some other hormone that triggers the process, like cortisol or oxytocin.

it's going to be very hard for me to prove that they're smoking something when i'm sleeping and it's chemically raping me when i wake up.

let me see if i can clear this out with coffee and water, get my hair fixed and focus on getting another blood test in the next few days.

we should also give cuba a call and see what they're up to and if they want to hang out.

have you noticed that some types of juice and fruit didn't double in price?

it's because they're from mexico, or brazil.

it's trump's choice to force us to buy from other countries. it doesn't hurt us to do that.

i looked into this a little, and the big companies, like walmart and sobeys, already use a market system to find the cheapest source in their manufactured products, like juice. that's why their brand name juice didn't go up. the market-based juice sourcing process just shifted sources.

this is right in trump's backyard, too. he should take a walk around some orange plantations in florida and ask the farmers how business is going. that won't come up in the job numbers, because america doesn't pay it's farm workers, it enslaves them.

this is just getting started. there's lots and lots of things that we can start buying from mexico, instead. that's going to take a big chunk out of us gdp. it's what trump wants.

we should call the brazilians and the chileans, as well. brazil is a big economy, but it's still developing. chile is generally considered a first world country, and argentina isn't that far off.

https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/champagne-anand-mexico-trip-1.7601077

"Mexico will continue to pay a 25% Fentanyl Tariff, 25% Tariff on Cars, and 50% Tariff on Steel, Aluminum and Copper," Trump said in a Truth Social post. "Additionally, Mexico has agreed to immediately terminate its Non Tariff Trade Barriers, of which there were many."

all evidence is that trump just doesn't understand. 

he thinks he's taxing the outside world to pay off the debt. he's repeatedly talked about making other countries pay.

of course, americans will pay the 25% fentanyl tariff, the 25% tariff on cars an d the 50% tariff on metals, no mexicans, which trump is insistent should not pay any tariffs at all, and would get very angry if the mexicans did levy tariffs n their own citizens.

i'm not a scholar of american history, but i don't think this level of insanity has ever existed at the presidential level before, with the possible exception of reagan. trump is nowhere near as flat out stupid as george w. bush was, and he won't be remembered for lacking intelligence. this is more in the neighbourhood of a nero or a henry viii.

but the best examples are chinese, even if i don't know them off of the top of my head. this level of nonsense is actually rare in the west. it's more reflective of the decadence of oriental despotism.

jello does not dissolve in water unless it's boiling.

that's the point.

so that won't work.

this salted caramel iced latte is supposed to be a cold drink, and it is relatively tasty when prepared with cold water.

maybe i should just drink it on it's own and get to the next round of coffee after. 

there's five left.

what do i do with jello, exactly? jello, like marshmallows, isn't really food. can i put jello in coffee?

on my first blood test, i wasn't fasting and my ketones were in ketosis levels. on the second blood test, i was fasting and the ketones were trace. neither test suggested any sign of diabetes.

it would seem to be far more likely that the ketones in the urine were byproducts of how steroids were manufactured, which i hadn't picked up before. i've found three types of anabolic steroids that are manufactured as ketones (acetates or enanthates) and which are soluble in vinegar.

i'm going to avoid the hot sauce for a few days and see what happens.

the second test had trace ketones in urine. i had blood ketones tested, but the results are not in yet. the results of urine cortisol also have not come in yet.

these are my normal testosterone results:

clearly, testing at 1.1 is anomalous.

the orchiectomy was in the summer of 2021.

interestingly, anabolic steroids are often distributed as an acetate, which would show up in urine as a ketone.

however, anabolic steroids are not water soluble. they are fat soluble and soluble in alcohol. they would be soluble in vinegar.

i should be able to identify if somebody put steroid pills in my juice or milk, as it should separate out (like oil and vinegar). it would potentially be harder to identify in the salad dressing, the margarine or the hot sauce.

i put heaping amounts of hot sauce on almost everything.

i don't think this is how they're doing it, but i have to be rigorous about this.

the next few meals are going to need to be things that they couldn't have spiked. things they could have spiked are

- open juice

- open soy milk

- open salad dressing

- open frank's

they couldn't have spiked things like fruit, eggs or cheese. so, it makes sense to have bacon and eggs this morning and take it from there.

i need to document this somewhere as i'm doing it.

over the next few days, i need to come to a clear answer on whether i'm being drugged via food, via injection, via smoke or some combination of them. specifically, i need to figure out whether there's testosterone in my food or not. then i need to make a choice and act on it.

what i learned from that pdf document is that orally administered steroids take a while to digest. you couldn't drop steroids in somebody's drink and expect it to effect them that night. it needs to go through their system, and most absorption occurs in the colon. this is probably why i'm experiencing the effects right before i need to shit.

conversely, the female and male-blocking hormones i'm taking voluntarily are absorbed extremely fast, via the stomach, and at peak within a few hours.

there's a caveat i need to introduce, which is that my metabolism is bizarrely fast, unless i slow it down with tums, which i have been doing lately. i can push something out within 12 hours. on top of that, my diet is extremely high in fibre, which speeds it up that much more. in fact, i need to take a shit right now.

back.

that was the pasta that i ate half of about 15 hours ago and the rest of less than 6 hours ago, and i think it was mostly from the latter because it's not the first of it. i know it's the most recent pasta meal because i already shit the last thing i ate, the quinoa, out in one massively epic rock hard three foot log that may have mildly torn on the way out and threatened to clog, but did push it's way through after the third flush. it's really that fast - less than 24 hours, unless i'm unusually constipated. i eat these giant meals and don't gain any weight. when it's really fibre based, it just rips through; i'll shit out a family-sized serving bowl worth of salad in 5 or 6 hours. this is probably the actual reason i can't build iron stores, because my metabolism is too fucking fast to absorb anything properly.

that means that what is in my colon is mostly food i ate in the last day or two, max, and probably food i've eaten in the last 12 hours. it's not as fast as the pills i take voluntarily, but it's unusually fast for digestion. it's fast enough to test. i may have to argue this point, but i had a cancer scare a few years ago, and i documented this pretty thoroughly. i have to be really, really constipated to hold on to any meal at all for more than two days, and that's why my bmi is in the 19-20 range, despite eating like a queen. i couldn't gain weight if i wanted to (thankfully, i don't want to).

this is what i did:

- i finished eating around 20:00. it was the last bit of pasta and a couple of pieces of toasted italian bread. after eating the garlic cheese buns, i ate through the baguette and mostly ate the white bread with pb and jam and plum butter. i still have the loaf of italian bread, a loaf of whole wheat bread and a loaf of flax/quinoa bread i bought myself.

- i took a giant shit a few hours ago that cleared out the most recent pasta (it was after the giant quinoa shit). i just pushed out whatever was left as i was typing this.

- a few hours later, i doubled up on all of my hormones all at once - t-blockers, estrogen and progesterone. this is a lot of everything. my doctor would scream at me, but my liver and kidneys are testing ok, and i had to do this to test. this is intended to just overwhelm my system, and it might make me a little sick, but that's ok.

- i then masturbated, which i almost never do. it'd been about four months. ish. i don't like to masturbate because it's male performative. i won't get into the details, but i masturbate in a way that minimizes the male performative aspect as much as possible. it's actually fairly female performative. i cannot generally get erect at all, let alone maintain an erection, and masturbating is sort of weird for that reason. i have to kind of rub up against a mostly limp appendage. i don't usually ejaculate anything out when it's done and the fact that i did tonight is further proof that i've recently been drugged. anything i might do to negate this aside, the reality is that my anatomy is what it is and it's impossible to get around the male performative component, so i'd rather just avoid it altogether. when my testosterone is properly suppressed, i can and have gone months and months, perhaps years (i didn't keep track) without masturbation, but i have been drugged recently and i had to face the cold reality that, because i've been repeatedly drugged and haven't ejaculated in months, anything clogging up my system would be contributing to the problem, in terms of experiential effects. i did this to clear my system out. it should both make me feel better and help isolate sources, for testing. now that i'm completely cleared out, my body should have a difficult time generating anything further, unless i'm drugged again. 

- now, i need to be clear about this. when they removed my testicles, they removed both my sperm cells and my vas deferens, so i'm physically incapable of generating or ejecting any kind of sperm at all. however, i do still have a prostate and i do still have various tubes and ducts like the seminal vesicle that create the non-sperm parts of semen, like the lubricating fluid. what came out would actually be mostly sugar, and a bit of protein. once again, when my testosterone is properly suppressed, my body does not produce this fluid, either. however, i've been repeatedly drugged, and there was some fluid in my ducts for that reason. it's more proof that i've been drugged. i removed that from my system, and it should make a positive difference.

- if i don't get drugged again, it should take months for this fluid to build back up to any substantive level, if it even does at all. if it builds back up quickly, it's evidence that the source of testosterone i'm being drugged with is in the air or in my food.

- i'm going to avoid eating for a while and see what happens.

i'm essentially clearing myself out as much as i can, radically shocking my system with a massive female hormone bath and then seeing what happens. do symptoms cease, indicating i successfully detoxed it out and they'll have to get in here to drug me again? or do they continue, indicating it's in my food, or that i'm breathing it in?

for tonight, i'm going to try to clean up and finally get my hair dyed. the massive flush of estrogen will have other, beneficial side effects, as well.

if i notice continued symptoms of forced drugging, i will get to the lab on tuesday or wednesday. otherwise, i'm going to need to wait until what i just shocked my system with comes down a little.