i am happier by myself.

don't be confused by these ramblings. i'm a loner because i prefer it. and, i'm clearly going to great lengths to repress, suppress and ultimately permanently remove my own sexuality.

i dumped her because i was done with her. i was over her before i moved out. the kids just made it impossible to even consider changing my mind....but my mind was already made up...

but, i needed her friendship, on some level - something that shouldn't have had anything to do with conventional concepts of attraction.

and, i'm ultimately hurt by the decision that i'm not any more valuable than my penis, that that's all i ever was to her.

i really thought she was a better person than that.