i don't like the society that exists around us, and don't want to live in it or measure myself by it's standards.

i don't care how the world judges these comments, and would ultimately think most reactions are borderline moronic - i reject everything you believe, everything you feel, everything you intuit.

so, you can cram your pop psychology and pseudoscience up your ass.

friendship is something that's supposed to transcend shallowness, materialism and the vacuousness of modern existence, and what i liked about her is that she had views outside of the mainstream on those topics. she wasn't the type of person to judge somebody by the empty metrics we use to judge people in contemporary late capitalism. she was more intelligent than that.

alas.

no, it doesn't matter - i rip myself up, but she proved a long time ago that i'm mourning something that only exists in my own mind. she's not the person i thought she was. and, i don't want to be friends with shallow, materialistic idiots.

but, your mind plays funny tricks on you.

i want something that doesn't exist, and hasn't existed in a long time, and there's no solution.

that doesn't mean i can't complain, or that i intend to stop complaining any time soon.