this is not the first time i've written this. but, i confused some people over the last few days, and i think i should clarify a point.

i overheard this on both nights in different bars:

"that woman just went into the men's washroom."

well, i mean, i guess it demonstrates the point, right? to my knowledge, michigan doesn't have any stupid laws (yet). but, people actually seem to expect me to use the women's washroom, and get a little weirded out when i don't.

....or sometimes don't.

the flat reality of it is that i make a judgement call on a case-by-case basis. bellicosity is important when dealing with the assertion of rights. but, in the real world, i'm concerned about a wide variety of things. i have to get a grasp of the room, of security...

a good example of why it's important to be cognizant of your surroundings was the crywolf show a few weeks ago. the audience didn't care. but, the very large men working security (who checked my id on the way in) were clearly uncomfortable at the mere premise. they seemed to see the very idea that i was even there at all as a kind of threat - and they visibly eased up when i used the men's room. they didn't want to deal with this shit. and, i didn't force them to, with unknown consequences - despite having minimal concern regarding pushback from the actual audience.

do you see why this gets complicated?

well, you probably already realized it was complicated.

one of the issues i feel the need to balance very carefully is the idea of audibly hearing the urine fall. now, i'm not shy about this, either - i've had this conversation with many people, and i've never met a woman who wouldn't not squat in a public restroom if she could urinate without doing it. so, i'm going to walk into the toilet and i'm going to make the non-choice of not squatting, for simple sanitary reasons - because nobody would squat if they didn't have to.

but, that means that anybody walking into the bathroom is going to hear it, and i have a problem with that.

imagine the following scenario: i walk in about thirty seconds before a cisfemale does. so, i go into the stall. i urinate standing up - as any woman would in a public toilet, if they could. she walks into the bathroom as i'm urinating and hears it.

of course that's going to make her uncomfortable. she didn't see me walk in. why wouldn't she think there's a dude in the stall? and why wouldn't she get upset?

so, i've placed a covenant on myself with the women i interact with daily - if i'm going to use the women's washroom, i'm going to squat. and, if i'm not going to squat for reasons of sanitation, i'm going to use the men's room.

that doesn't mean i'll always use the men's room. a lot of bars have multi-use men's rooms and single occupancy female stalls, in which case i'll usually opt for the single occupancy stalls. further, there have been rare occasions where i've felt unsafe using the men's room and have picked the women's washroom instead.

but, more broadly, you have to understand that i did not transition young. i've used the men's room for most of my life, and i've gotten used to it. i'm not usually afraid to go in there, and broadly don't even think that which letter is on the door is really even important.

the push back is kind of more on principle: i get to make this choice, and it's up to my discretion to make it properly.