so, let's say you've got a friend, and that friend is important to you - and you think you're important to that friend, too.

and, yeah, maybe you've had sex with that friend in the past, but, since then, things have changed - maybe the friend has children to raise (and maybe you don't want to be a part of a family, or don't want to take on that responsibility), and maybe you've even gone through a gender transition, in the mean time, so that you and your friend actually identify as the same gender, and in fact always did, over the entire length of time you've been friends.

now, let's say that your friend gets the idea that you're trying to sleep with them, and have been trying to sleep with them for years, and the whole friendship was a ruse - despite the fact that you actually haven't demonstrated any sexual interest in your friend at all, or even any sexual interest in your friend's entire gender for years and years.

what the fuck do you do in this situation?

it's a catch-22.

you could try and call your friend and explain that you're not sexually interested in them at all - but, if your friend is convinced of this, repeated calls are just evidence of pestering for more sex.

you could try and show up at your friend's house and explain it, but if your friend is convinced of a sexual motive, however flimsily, and refuses to talk to you, then that is also just more evidence of a sexual advance.

further, you can't just ignore the situation - because unless you get your friend to get this crazy idea out of their head, they're going to spread rumours about it, and it's going to have a negative effect on you.

so, in order to get your friend to knock off the delusion, you have to keep trying to talk to the friend - which just proves, in your friend's mind, how obsessed you are with the imaginary sexual advance.

the surreal part of this is in the idea that your friend could be so daft. it's not such a crazy thing to imagine, excepting the clause that your friend couldn't really be that stupid, right?

well, maybe your friend really is that stupid.

but, the other possibility is that your friend could be reacting to the lack of interest. maybe your friend had more romantic interest in you than you had in them, and is angry at you for not reciprocating - and so is fabricating a scenario, for some kind of gain. maybe the friend is a little embarrassed about some aspect of the situation; and, falling for a queer person that just wants to be your friend (but really does want to be your friend) is kind of embarrassing on some level, sure. maybe the friend is mad about the lack of interest in raising the kids, or about the gender transition. maybe the friend is holding a grudge over the rejection of their own previous advances, and looking to get back at you.

i guess the lesson to learn is that this person isn't really your friend, at all, are they?

but, regardless, the necessity to get your "friend" to acknowledge that there never was an advance remains - and the catch-22 continues into perpetuity, until they admit it.