as i'm watching the upstairs fill up with masked men (edit: boys) and left wondering if i'm about to get invaded or if they're having a gay masquerade party, and thinking the first option is far more likely, i'd like to throw something out there.
i've always had one simple rule: don't fuck with j.
my old friend jon once extrapolated, in explaining it to a passing party. he explained that j only has one rule, which is don't fuck with j, and that nobody has ever found out what happens when they break the rule, because nobody ever fucked with j.
it's not that i'm intimidating, exactly. i'm overwhelmingly non-violent; i like to solve problems with my mind, not my fists. yet, those that have spent much time with me know that there's always that possibility that i might randomly chew open your jugular with my teeth, or something. it's that kind of thing.
i'd like to tell you the story about the time i dumped a bottle of water on zion, as an example. this isn't the story about the time that i threw trevor down the stairs and broke an entire side of his body, which forced him to spend a year out of school and then switch schools when he came back. trevor fucked with me by body checking me into the locker between classes, so i had to put him in a wheelchair for a year. that is an extreme example; this is less intense than that.
all zion did was spray some water on me.
in fact, zion was spraying water on all of the girls that day, and i never did ask him to explain what he was thinking when he decided i was one of the girls, and therefore should have water sprayed on me. zion was the best hockey player in the school. he never made it to the nhl, but he was supposed to. on this day, zion was going aisle to aisle and soaking the girls with his water bottle; sometimes it was in a wet tshirt way, and other times he unfortunately went for the crotch or the eyes. several of the girls were noticeably angry.
whether he sprayed me as an act of inclusion, as an insult or due to glancing sideways at my hair (which was very long at this time) and not paying close enough attention, i decided that zion had indeed fucked with me on this day. the rule was broken; some consequence was required.
i then took his water bottle out of his hand, marched out of the room, filled it up in the water fountain, went back to class and dumped it directly on his head, allowing the entire bottle to empty out, to the sound of loud applause and hoots and hollers amongst the women in the class. this is a silly example, but it gets the point across.
zion did not retaliate.
he knew - you don't fuck with j.
1:58
has google considered just buying bell media?
if google buys bell and facebook buys rogers, that might solve the problem.
16:22
the place has emptied out.
has it been abandoned? could i be so lucky?
we'll find out in a few hours. i'm ready for any bullshit.
19:59
saturday, september 2, 2023
i've never been to a strip club before, and i don't respect people that spend time in strip clubs, or people that buy sex, more generally.
i had a group of friends in high school that i didn't have much in common with to begin with and was always uncomfortable around that i removed myself from when they started regularly attending strip clubs, for that reason more than any other. the only reason i spent any time with these people in the first place is that a teacher assigned me to work with one of them for a grade 10 science project; i would have otherwise not talked to this person. at all. i would have, in truth, gone out of my way to not talk to this person, and the actual truth is that i never actually liked him very much. in hindsight, i think this person actually had a crush on me, because he called me incessantly for weeks, after the project. he claimed he wanted to sing in a band, so i humored him, but he actually wanted to smoke pot and watch movies. i always sat on a different couch than him, and i wonder if he got that body language. i was friends with him for about a year, maximum. i was always uncomfortable around them, but when this group of boys started going to strip clubs on a frequent basis, a line was crossed and i didn't want to be their friend any more. after a few months of recording by myself, i met a different group of friends that were musicians, like me, which i had much more in common with and which i enjoyed the company of much more. i consider this second group to my group of high school friends, not the first one.
i don't think anything to do with buying sex is sexy.
i think that buying sex is gross.
15:50
i dated a female many years ago that shaved her head a few months into the relationship in order to put in dread locks for travelling, so that she wouldn't need to worry about washing it. that was her choice, and i was not consulted, nor should i have been, but it was not something that i was remotely attracted to; neither the dreads nor the short hair. when i met this person, she had shoulder length hair that was dyed black, with bright red highlights. i found that much more attractive, but i am not the type to judge or drop a person because i don't like their hair, so i bit my tongue and waited.
i dumped this person, and i dumped her very hard, by walking out on the lease on the apartment we shared. as a consequence, she could not pay the rent and got evicted. she had to move into a shelter. she tried to go to my new apartment and move in, but i would not let her stay there.
she wanted an "open relationship". i don't think that there is such thing as an open relationship. rather, sometimes people find themselves financially connected with people they'd otherwise like to move on from, and request an open relationship as a way to break up romantically without breaking up financially. in response to that request, i pro-actively and pre-emptively dumped her and moved on.
the reason she wanted an open relationship was mostly because she wanted children and i didn't, but that was subconscious. it was on the surface (we had no future, if she wanted a family and i didn't), but not openly discussed. she also wanted a heterosexual relationship with a male, and i was not actually interested in performing that role, and that was what was actually real on the surface. she was right; we were not sexually compatible, as i was not interested in performing the male function she desired, and she wasn't really interested in performing roles related to my own desires, either.
she was very quickly impregnated by a much older man, which was my primary fear in accepting an open relationship. i probably could have accepted a co-habitation if i wanted to, but i didn't see the point in pretending, and i also didn't want her to come home with a child or a disease. i did not want children then and do not want children now; i consider raising children to be a form of slavery. her decision to have the child and keep it permanently - permanently - ended any interest i had in her, romantically. i made no attempt at all to rekindle any sort of romantic relationship with her after that, as i did not want to be involved with somebody with a child. i told her that and she understood it and did not judge me for it, as it was the point in breaking up in the first place. i would still not date somebody with children.
i did want to maintain a friendship with this person, and did for many years afterwards. we would periodically get something to eat, or spend the afternoon together doing things like walking along the canal and talking. we had picnics at the experimental farm. etc. i enjoyed touching base with her; it was often a bright point for me. we did not spend evenings together and avoided things that seemed like dates. these encounters were not entirely void of sex, but they were mostly non-sexual.
she suddenly become very hostile with me shortly after i told her i was going back into transition. i have made some attempts to reach out to her since, but she has not been responsive. i am not entirely certain that she's mad at me for transitioning (or otherwise decided i'm not useful to her any more), but it seems like it. i really haven't spoken to her since.
i acknowledge that this person was once very important to me and that i miss this person as a friend. however, i have not been romantically interested in her for a very long time, and i was really not at all attracted to her when she had short hair. this is not something i had difficulty letting go of or that i want back, this is something i tossed aside and moved on from with intent and with purpose. i saw the decision as a process of letting go of a lot of stress while looking forward towards a new day; i did not look back, and i have never regretted it.
i have not dated women since because i am not attracted to women and because i really never was. this person was an experiment, and what i learned from the experiment is that i prefer men.
16:27
i actually think that some of the best times i had with this person were after we broke up and stopped having sex. it kind of lifted a noose from around our necks.
for example, there was the time she wanted to make bread and needed some flour, so she called me up and asked me to bring her some flour. the kids were sleeping or something.
i promptly went down to the hartman's and bought her some flowers.
then, i got yelled at to go get some flour. if she wanted flowers, she would have asked for flowers, dammit.
of course, i had some flour, too, and she apologized for yelling at me.
she cloned those flowers for years. she might actually still have them.
20:01
monday, septemeber 4, 2023
something i've learned by watching the lesbians from a distance, via online messaging and via them showing up here, is that the idea that a lesbian partnership is an escape from dominance is naive. the butch is one of the creepiest, grossest dudes i've ever met, and she seems to be controlling and manipulative on top of it.
i get the feeling that she doesn't actually even experience sexual pleasure, that it's actually strictly about control.
i'm still trying to understand why they bought this house and it seems to have a lot to do with the butch wanting me, but i think she wanted to control me as an object rather than to actually get off on fucking me. it wasn't about a sexual trans fantasy, so much as it was about being able to say she owned a cute tranny, that i was hers, and maybe even that she could take pictures of me or show me off. that makes her more powerful, in her estimation.
she may have even wanted to watch me make out with the femme.
so, of course the femme was/is looking for a way out, then.
the irony is that i'm developing a level of empathy for the femme for being stuck in an abusive relationship, and lashing out at herself, as women in abusive relationships so often do. this is not some contrast with heteropatriarchy, it's not some way out, it's a one-way mirror.
17:23
thursday, september 7, 2023
this has been unlisted on the fake account for a couple of years.
i am making it public for the first time.
the video was unlisted because it was used as evidence in various legal processes.
i received a small settlement from the hospital, and used it to go to toronto to get my testicles out:
i'd also like to remind you that there may be people trying to impersonate me, unfortunately.
i have a lot of accounts, and they are all cross-referenced on the side. anybody purporting to be me that is not linked from my other accounts is almost certainly not me.
1:01
sales taxes are regressive and a poor way to raise income.
but, this is a political trick, to blame the deficit on ford, when he turns it down. for that reason, it's kind of sneaky-smart. if ford actually approves it, though, it might backfire badly on ms. chow.
an increase in property taxes is more progressive than a sales tax; the other measures being proposed are better options. further, if the city is going to ask the province to alter legislation to funnel money to it, it should ask for a cut of the province's income tax, rather than a cut of the consumption taxes,.
6:29
friday, september 8, 2023
whatever you think of this catastrophe, this was sold as a way to help private media companies salvage their business model.
the cbc is not threatened by social media and should not receive subsidies from private companies. that is ridiculous.
5:59
Statistics Canada reported Friday that while the economy added jobs, the country also added about 103,000 new people. So despite the mini-surge, the employment rate — the percentage of adults that have a job, compared to the working-aged population — actually declined by 0.1 percentage points, to 61.9 per cent.
canada's 40% unemployment rate certainly belies the idea that it needs all this immigration, doesn't it?
that's right - 38% unemployment, in canada, right now. that's not the official number because most of the people aren't considered a part of the labour market, but it's what is actually real.
18:13
saturday, september 9, 2023
i've been pointing out for years that starting a war with russia is stupid because the russians are fundamentally byzantine, and therefore greek, and therefore of the west, and we will need russian support to help us beat the chinese, who are a legitimately alien culture that will need to be defeated, lest we be defeated by them. you don't co-exist with truly alien races, there is no choice but to compete with them.
the russians have decided every major war for centuries. we don't want to be on the opposite side as them; it demonstrates a unique level of historical ignorance.
the american president is currently in india trying to get them to pick our side instead, and this is much more difficult and much less rational. india is the true middle east. they could very well align with the chinese by choice, whereas the russians want to be of the west and are aligning with china by necessity.
i've never taken the claim that america doesn't understand history seriously, but the biden administration seems to be uniquely out of step with history, and doesn't seem to understand it's importance. for the first time, the claim that america is ahistorical in it's polices may actually have some truth.
5:53
if we were serious about investigating "foreign interference", we would launch a classified project by csis or the rcmp, not a political show trial by a quebecois judge.
i would expect it to be worse than a joke, but it may recommend ideas come up with by the aforementioned security processes, in the end.
15:19
sunday, sept 10, 2023
the crunk lesbian has come here in the other one's potentially stolen truck in order to do opiates, while the other one is in ottawa visiting the crunk lesbian's mother with the crunk lesbian's kids, from a previous....arrangement? yeah.
well.
i'm waiting. patiently. they're going to sell, right?
i want these losers out of my life.
0:18
the return of audible crunkness.
i've decided to spend the ~$200 to purchase this device:
i haven't looked at the typing machine yet, despite the post i posted last monday. i spent the week doing things like cleaning, sleeping, bicycling and purchasing the new mini pc, which i'm going to start the process of setting up tonight. i had to accommodate a plumber mid-week.
i will finish setting this up in a few hours, after i've eaten and completed my three hours for today on a stationary bicycle.
dtoverlay=hifiberry-dacplus
i don't need that update.
ugh.
go away, you retards.
i suspect the woman might be in town this week to attend a court hearing. better get crunk for court, right?
fwiw, i don't think that a single person upstairs is actually from windsor. they're all low quality men and they're mostly from toronto. the idea that windsor is some white trash haven is something most windsorites don't like much, but something people from outside the city like to enforce on it. i'm not from windsor either, i'm from ottawa, but i can see that the white trash comes here from outside the city, it isn't from born or raised here in windsor. the white trash idiots that moved in upstairs came to windsor because they're losers and were looking for a loser haven to escape into. windsor needs to address it's reputation, in this respect.
i didn't move to windsor to live in a house full of white trash losers (something i had avoided up until this point) and i'm going to have to take the trash out if it gets too smelly. these people are fucking garbage.
20:14
monday, sept 11, 2023
august 19, 2021
i'll also need to purchase usb to ps/2 and hdmi to vga cables so i can connect the device to the kvm. this will split the dell chromebook i'm currently using as a general internet gateway device into two more specific devices, one for streaming music (and i suppose video) and the other for uploading data to the internet. i'll also then move my external music drive from the typing machine to the pi and integrate
i think there is some value in having a dedicated streaming device connected directly to the stereo, moving forward, and i'll have to buy a new device to get the appropriate dacs, as i've run out of old computers to repurpose. i don't want to plug my pcs into the internet anymore and the headphone out on the chromebook has demonstrated it's limitations, which are limitations inherent to any laptop device. rather, i need device i can install a soundcard into. this pi is designed as stereo equipment and i'm using it as it.
i could also use the pi to stream video, but i don't stream video very often (in this room). however, i may eventually change the location of the pi, and that may make it a more multi-use device that also streams lectures. it's going to sit on top of my cd player and become the streaming device in my stereo system, which currently means streaming bandcamp and youtube (as well as local streaming) but may expand, if i think it's worth paying for the higher fidelity. i would consider that unlikely. i'd like to get back to building my physical cd collection.
while it is where it is, the pi may also end up being my video conferencing solution, as well as a possible security camera. in the long run, i may use it to boot the ip phone, as well.
i don't know how people build stereo systems nowadays, but i'd suppose that the number of inputs into the amp has decreased and that standalone dvd or cd players are being replaced by dedicated laptops or even by cell phones. the rca jack is what i need for the equipment i have and the right way to get the internet into the stereo in a directed and quarantined way.
let me list the different specialized devices i've set up for personal use:
- i have a chromebook in use as a tv that is connected to an external monitor that sits on a table in front of the couch that i eat on.
- i have a cisco ip phone beside it running a customized cisco operating system. this device has an ip address on my network and is connected directly to the voip servers through the router, over tcp/ip (which is what allowed it to work).
- there's a 90s compaq evo laptop running a very minimal stripped down xp that i use as a tftp server to boot the ip phone. the laptop and the server both have ip addresses and are in some sense separate devices. i can also use the 90s laptop to google things and take notes when i'm on the phone.
- i have a koji phone that i want to put a custom android on and use strictly for roaming but i can't get the sim card out and have never gotten around to it. i've used it roughly twice. it's the only smart phone i've ever bought. i understand that i will eventually need a phone, but i still don't want one. it's there for the future.
- the kvm in the living room/studio now has it's four inputs filled: a 16-bt recording pc with windows 98, a 32-bit recording pc with windows xp, a 64-bit recording pc with windows 7 (being built) and the incoming raspberry pi, connected to the stereo system as a streaming device. only the pi has internet access.
- there will remain an expired chromebook in the studio for uploading information to the internet.
- there are two broken laptops in the basement. i would like to convert one of them into a floor-level guitar effects processor, but i can't get the screen to come back. the other one is likely unfixable; it's currently beeping that the processor is damaged. laptops are expensive wastes of money that work for a few years and break by design and i have decided to avoid them in the future in favour of cheap/expired chromebooks that will also work for a few years and break by design.
- the bedroom station consists of an air gapped 64-bit windows 7 typing machine with a stylus pen input and a satellite chromebook being converted into a linuxbook for email and general internet access. this is for any sort of writing.
that's four pcs, two broken laptops, one working laptop, three chromebooks, an ip phone, a shelved cell phone, an mp3 player and a mini pc pi. all of these devices are performing specific functions that they are best suited for. i think this is how we keep old computers out of the landfill, we recycle them into dedicated use devices.
4:20
that site was in the eu and wouldn't take my payment method. i also didn't realize it was $200 usd. the device at that site is conveniently constructed, but also somewhat overpriced.
i don't mind paying for the device because while it's going to primarily be for streaming audio it's also going to be used for the other stated purposes and i need a broadly more flexible internet device. the pi will be in a throwaway security zone.
i decided to slightly upgrade everything by building it myself, and it cost less:
for $250, this is going to be a very useful addition to the network.
13:24
the case is not going to fit and i didn't realize the case comes with a cord, making the extra one unnecessary. i may have to drill holes in the side, and the fan may not fit on top of the dac. we'll see what the best answer is.
conversely, i may put it aside and buy a second case. i will probably replace some of these chromebooks with pis, eventually.
15:17
on second thought, that case is designed to plug the hat into the outside, which will make installing the fan frustrating, so i bought a second case that is designed to allow the gpio chips to plug into the board and for the result to still fit in the case.
hopefully, i can just take the first case and put it in the second case. if not, i can hopefully take the insides of the first case (the fan.) and place it in the second case.
15:39
that doesn't make sense, though.
can i find an example of a pi with a fan and an add-on?
15:42
i can't. it doesn't make sense.
i'll just use the second case for this device and put the other one aside. it's $20. it'll get used eventually. i can maybe use some of the heat sinks.
15:56
august 21, 2023
you know these pis are small.
you don't realize how small until they get here.
i bought the wrong size adapter for the display, so i'll have to wait until an adapter gets here, tomorrow. given that i have double of all the accessories, i'm wondering if i shouldn't just buy another pi right away, maybe an older one.
let me start on this install. i'll have to download the os, right?
12:24
something that's changed since i quit smoking is that i don't like to get into bed until after i've showered for the night, which makes it impossible to work on the typing machine when i haven't showered in a while, such as when i'm waiting for products to arrive, like i am right now.
the bigger case and the adapter will be here tomorrow and the next day and what i can do is minimal until they get here but i should at least get the operating system downloaded and installed to the card by the end of the night.
20:26
i quickly installed the rca card into the pi, which i have placed beside some items of well known size to demonstrate how small it is. i thought it would be more similar to the size of a novel, rather than the size of a credit or debit card.
i guess it's worthwhile to point out that the pi is smaller than most phones, even as it's not a good reference for myself as i don't use phones.
there is a 1.5 ghz quadcore chip with 4 gb of ram in the pi, which is a standard mid-level phone processor as of c. 2020 (used in nokia or samsung phones). i've never used an arm processor, so that might be a change. the os is based on debian. you can see the 4 usb slots (2 3.0, 2 2.0) and the rj-45. there's a micro-sd slot on the other side.
this is the reason that i purchased the mini pc to act as a streaming device into my stereo system:
the rca outs are going into an analog amp, but what i'm actually looking for is a fixed-volume line level signal (rather than a headphone jack, which is what is in the chromebook i'm using and what is built in to this device) so that the output doesn't constantly sound like it needs to be turned up to drive the amp properly. this is particularly noticeable in music with a wide harmonic spectrum, which is what i tend to listen to and also what i tend to create; while it may be less audible in most contemporary popular music, and especially so in most contemporary rock music, sending a signal with a wide harmonic spectrum through a headphone out and into an amp will create a muffled lowpass effect that cuts out the high frequencies, which i've recently audibly noticed when listening to music through the headphone out on my chromebook. there's also a line-in on the soundcard.
you can read more about the difference between line outs and headphone outs here, but be careful about bad information on the topic on the internet:
the card is physically connected to the board with the gold screws and attaches to the cpu via a 40-pin connector. that's apparently standard.
21:00
should i put android on this device instead?
that might be useful to me, as i don't use cell phones. it doesn't give me access to a sim card, though. it is not having access to a sim card that is the part of not using a cell phone that is causing me annoyances because the corporate state uses sim cards as a way to uniquely identify people, which is something that is going to become more and more invasive in the future, which means that it is consequently going to become more and more difficult for people to exist without them. i'm going to need a cell phone at some point, but i'm still at the point where i adamantly don't want one. i still think cell phones are for self-important assholes; it turns out that the world is full of self-important assholes.
21:32
there's not a convincing reason to put android on this device, other than the sake of it, which is counterproductive. i'm going to install the pi os for now and then decide if it's sufficient or if it'd rather use a different linux distro. unfortunately, i don't think i can avoid using a phone by installing android on a pi; i'm going to rather need to wait for the state to expand it's surveillance to the voip network, instead. i also don't have a touch screen monitor, which would make it difficult to impossible to use android on this device, at this point.
23:10
august 22, 2023
i have now downloaded the image and it is a simple enough process to install it on the card. however, it's going to give me the partition back, right? i bought a 128 gb card so that i'd have temporary space on the drive, i don't want to lose the partition to a storage process.
0:54
i burned the image to the sd card this morning; it seems to boot.
i can't do anything else until the hdmi adapter gets here.
6:35
the adapter has arrived, but the hdmi connector is not the correct size to fit into the pi. how many different sized hdmi connectors are there?
let me try this again.
19:48
i bought an hdmi to mini hdmi adapter; what i need is an hdmi to micro hdmi adapter. ugh.
the item was inexpensive and has potential eventual use value. having extra adapters is never any sort of waste.
19:50
the micro adapter should be here with a handful of usb keys tomorrow, along with the bigger case.
20:15
august 23, 2023
i've spent a very large part of august sitting around and waiting for products to be delivered, which has unfortunately had a substantively negative effect on my productivity. a frustratingly large part of the day ends up wasted sitting around and doing nothing while you're forced to wait around for products to arrive before you stop to eat or take a shower or whatever else in order to pivot.
if i wasn't stuck waiting for a product to be delivered right now, i'd be working on setting up the typing machine, but i'd need to get in bed to do that, and i'd need to take a shower before i get into bed; right now, i can't get into bed because i'm stuck waiting around for a product to get here before i take a shower, first. ugh.
the adapter has been out for delivery since 9:30. why is it taking so long?
14:51
the remaining products have now arrived.
i've spent so much on adapters to connect the pi via my ps/2 & vga kvm at this point that it might have made more sense to get a new kvm, except that i'd then need to get adapters to connect the new kvm to the old computers connected to it (a windows 98 pc and a windows xp pc), which would defeat the point; i'd need to purchase new adapters, regardless.
as mentioned, having extra adapters is never a waste.
once connected together, this is what all of the adapters look like:
the kvm's vga in connects to the vga to hdmi adapter, which needs a supplementary hdmi to micro adapter and which was botched yesterday due to getting a hdmi to mini adapter, instead. fuckers. the micro hdmi adapter then connects to the pi's video out.
the ps/2 cables connect to a combined usb connector and this is efficient in the sense that i only need to waste one of my usb 2.0 connections instead of two.
17:19
as an aside, i'm listening to the first mount zion record through the headphone out on the chromebook and hearing the same low pass effect that i've been hearing on my own recordings, indicating that it is the signal path and not the audio source. opening up this low pass filter is what i'm trying to fix in installing the pi as a streaming device with the rca out, which is replacing the maudio audiophile in the xp recording machine, which is what used to perform that function when i listened to music coming from the internet through speakers more frequently many years ago, and which is now air-gapped and off the network (but still connected to the amp, for local playback of my own recordings).
17:22
i have now put the pi in the bigger case, but i had to improvise because the sound card has two defects that make lining it up with the holes in the case impossible; the line in jack is out of line with the rca connections and there is a white plug on the top that might be removable but not in any obvious way, which makes closing the lid impossible. i had to carve out a space for the line in with a pair of pliers and then just used packing tape to keep the top in place. i did poke a few holes in the tape, as well. the top keeps the dust out, but you also want some air flow, given that there is no fan.
we're doing jewish music while exercising this month, so it's going to be a gybe/asmz run.
17:36
aug 24, 2023
i had to pry the case open in multiple spots because the card is not properly aligned along the edge, which prevents it from fitting snugly into the case and makes plugging cords into it impossible, otherwise. i do have the os up and running, i can connect to the internet and the kvm does work. mostly.
however, i don't yet know how to get the os to read the rca card and will need to spend some time tonight understanding how to do that in order to set up the device so that it performs it's intended task.
13:58
aug 25, 2023
the difficult part was in finding the right google search terms.
this explains the install process, and it is not at all complicated:
the update is to use the following as config code, instead of the device discussed:
dtoverlay=hifiberry-dacplus
0:15
it instantly sounds way better. great.
0:15
now that i'm certain that the rca card works, the next thing to do is to completely dismantle all wireless access to the pi. i'm of the opinion that it certainly should have come with all wireless functionality disabled by default, but so be it.
0:18
i spent the night fighting with what might have been some script kiddies upstairs and think i have blocked them with tinfoil. i'll do a write-up later.
16:44
what happened last night when i sat down to set up the pi was that i realized the device had been hacked, and that the only likely suspects were the kids upstairs. on the one hand, it's an easy target for them due to the way the install process operates. on the other hand...what a bunch of fucking losers.
you can't turn the wifi or the bluetooth off during the install process or immediately on first boot, which makes it a triviality to sit upstairs and hack into it, if you have some rudimentary video game hacking skills. it's childish behaviour that has no outcome or purpose but annoying me, but it's the kind of thing you expect from childish kids or, perhaps, from immature boys that have a suppressed crush on you.
the reinstall process is simple enough; i just need to reflash the card from an airgapped machine. however, it is annoying and counter-productive to have to do this repeatedly. as i have done more generally with my network topology, i instantly decided that i didn't want to get into a fight with them but rather wanted to find a way to physically disable all wireless access to the device so that they couldn't possibly bother me, whether they wanted to or not. i quickly realized that i'd be a sitting duck during the install, unless i could physically block the signal. the way to physically block radio waves from interacting with a device is by placing it in a faraday cage, which in context can be emulated by wrapping the pi in tinfoil.
based on what i observed, i am also concluding that the kvm itself must have somehow been taken over remotely, which is presenting what i was experiencing last winter from a different perspective. i consequently wrapped the kvm in tinfoil, as well.
how well can tinfoil legitimately block radio waves? broadly, probably not very well. however, bluetooth and wifi both function at very high frequency levels, which makes something like tinfoil more likely to be effective. tinfoil is probably pretty good at blocking wifi, specifically.
by coincidence or effect, this tactic worked well enough to allow me to get through the install, uninstall the drivers and firmware for bluetooth and wifi on first boot and then uninstall all ssh server packages, as that is the vulnerable backdoor that's open. i haven't seen any evidence of the device being controlled remotely, since.
do i think i'm reacting to annoying children hacking an open wireless signal during a weak point i can't defend against within a naive install process? the reality is that my keyboard and mouse were both quite apparently under the control of an external entity. it legitimately seemed as though somebody was logging into the machine remotely.
i can only react to evidence as i experience it.
23:53
aug 27, 2023
i spent the 26th cleaning and catching up on sleep, including cleaning myself, but i purchased a few products at the end of the day in advance of cancelling my amazon prime trial tomorrow, namely two ethernet switches to ensure that i don't run out of physical ports on my network and two usb 3.0 hubs because i've been experiencing slow transfer rates on usb 2.0 devices through usb 3.0 ports recently. usb 3.0 is supposed to be backwards compatible, but the 2.0 hub through the 3.0 interface has difficulties keeping up and frequently hangs. the 2.0 devices work fine in 2.0 environments. i need a usb 3.0 7 port hub for the typing machine to utilize the 3.0 keys i bought, and i also bought a 5 port hub for the pi because i'm going to be moving the mp3 drive and mp3 player from the typing machine to the stereo; i want to make sure i have enough ports.
i'm going to be working on setting up the pi tonight, but i'm reposting this writeup because, like everything else that's been posted here, it's unfortunately been vandalized by the unwanted retarded editor who i would like to shoot in the face and feed to the animals and consequently needs to be corrected.
something that has recently changed in my apartment is that i've decided where to permanently place the stationary bicycle. i hope this doesn't replace my outside bicycling in the long run, but it does give me an option to get some exercise in the winter and it has prevented me from getting too flabby while i'm stuck inside this year.
i haven't decided if i can ride the walmart bicycle outside or not, but breaking it in inside is probably the safest way to test it.
leaving my bicycle in this position in the apartment allows me to listen to both sets of speakers when i'm exercising, which is an immersive experience that i stumbled upon by accident.
1:57
aug 28, 2023
the last update was late on friday night and narrates what happened early friday morning, when i had to stop to get a few hours of sleep. i was largely content at that time that i had succeeded in removing access to all wireless devices:
these were the steps i took:
1. with the device off, wrap it in tinfoil
2. on a different computer (preferably air-gapped), format the sd card. do not do a quick format. do three passes, even.
3. reflash the sd card using whatever tool you'd like to use. i am using a very small freeware tool called usbwriter, https://sourceforge.net/projects/usbwriter/.
4. connect a usb mouse and keyboard to the pi, insert the sd card and turn the device back on, while still in the tinfoil.
5. skip any sort of updates during install. do not search for wireless networks, obviously. be prompt.
immediately on first boot,
6. run:
sudo rfkill block wifi
sudo rfkill block bluetooth
7. fix raspberry pi configuration
- no auto-login
- no serial in
- no wifi country
- also, disable screen blanking
8. reboot
on second boot, go to add/remove in the start menu:
9. search for and uninstall all bluetooth packages, reboot (search term: bluetooth)
10. search for and uninstall all wireless packages, reboot (but don't delete wireless tools - library or you'll lose the gui) (search term: wireless)
11. search for ssh and uninstall all of the server packages, reboot (search term: ssh, but only choose the server packages).
12. search for vnc and uninstall all of the server packages, reboot (search term: vnc, but only choose the server packages).
it should now boot with no bluetooth icon at all and with no wireless interfaces, as well as with no remote access.
i then stopped to sleep; i removed the tinfoil and turned the device off before i did.
4:06
when i woke up, i turned the device back on and plugged an ethernet cable in to make sure it connected. i have it set up to connect to a reserved ip on my router, as determined by the device's mac address, but it's running dhcp (by default) on the device. wait for the update icon to come up, and install all of the updates. reboot.
4:11
the next step was to update the /boot/config.txt file, as per the posted video, with the aforementioned update code. these are the lines to change:
# Uncomment some or all of these to enable the optional hardware interfaces
#dtparam=i2c_arm=on
dtparam=i2s=on
#dtparam=spi=on
#dtparam=spi=on
# Enable audio (loads snd_bcm2835)
#dtparam=audio=ondtoverlay=hifiberry-dacplus
# Enable DRM VC4 V3D driver
dtoverlay=vc4-kms-v3d, noaudio
max_framebuffers=2
after a reboot, make sure to choose the right audio device by clicking on the sound icon at the top right.
i then streamed the first mt zion record to check to see what it sounded like and was pleased to hear that it recovered it's headroom; the lowpass was gone. great.
4:15
i then spent a few hours on the bicycle, listening to a few early godspeed records. i picked these records because i know they have a wide harmonic spectrum and because i know them extremely well; these are records i've certainly heard hundreds of times and have maybe even heard thousands of times through headphones or high quality systems and that i consequently knew i would be able to very quickly judge the sound quality of at extreme volume levels. if something was muffled or blurry or some frequency range was cut, it would be immediately obvious to me. now, this is not a technical analysis, and perhaps somebody might find a dac that has better specs, but i was trying to fix an obvious audible defect and i can state with some force that these records sounded outstanding streaming from youtube over hd and out into my amp, and then into a 4 speaker setup that includes two vintage kefs and two vintage celestions. i couldn't hear any noise. moya was fucking immersive. i hope the kids upstairs enjoyed it (</sarcasm).
5:39
august 29, 2023
i stopped this morning in order to eat and then to sleep and eventually woke up around 11:00, in order to once again wait for a package, the one with the two switches and the two usb hubs. the package did arrive early in the afternoon. i was able to get on the bicycle for more exercise from 14:30 to 17:30ish, stopped to eat again around 18:00 and then intended to spend a few hours cleaning before showering and then sitting down to finish this write-up. i am just getting back to finishing the narrative, now.
where was i?
as mentioned, i spent the 26th cleaning. i then spent the 27th and 28th fixing vandalism in this post. the usb hub for the pi is in, but i haven't touched the actual device; i have been listening to di meola through it, streaming in hd from youtube, and it sounds great. di meola is a good test artist because it provides for an opportunity to listen to the overtones on the guitar, which is exactly the kind of thing i'm using the pi to rescue.
the overtones from al's playing on these records are distinct through this signal and...overtones are not clear. that's the point. you can hear the decay on them, though. as mentioned, the specs may not be spectacular, but i've spent enough time with sound (and with a neurotic audiophile father) to know that specs are useless. i am knowledgeable about sound (as a musician), i have good ears and i'm happy with the outcome.
the last thing to do before i can put the pi back in the case is ascertain if i can use the kvm or not. i'm going to swap out ports and cords and see what happens.
3:00
unfortunately, the kvm is continuing to act as a backdoor and i don't quite understand it. this is not a wireless device and it shouldn't have any sort of wireless access at all.
i suppose i'm not going to be able to use the kvm, then. i have extra usb mice and keyboards; this wold be a minor annoyance.
i suppose i might consider purchasing a new kvm, but it's not helpful if i don't understand how it's being used to connect to the pi. that doesn't strike me as script kiddie stuff, that sounds more like organized crime hacking. that would require some kind of advanced emi interference.
3:53
hacking is boring.
i'll just avoid the device and do something less boring, thank you. problem solved. next.
3:58
the kvm switch isn't causing problems on the windows 98 machine. granted, there's no network connection on the 98 machine, but that's an absolute pre-requisite on the pi.
(yes, i have a windows 98 machine in my studio because it has a 16-bit soundcard with an onboard effects rack)
it also strikes me as somewhat odd that the thing gets hacked every time i plug it in, almost instantly. is it broadcasting? are they sitting there 24/7?
it seems like the pi is obviously being taken over remotely, but if there's something wrong with the cord, it could have a similar outcome. i could be assigning order to chaos. i don't think so, but i need to be thorough.
let me try the xp machine.
5:27
the way i have it set up right now is that the video is going through the kvm and the mouse and keyboard are separate through usb 2.0.
this isn't what i want; i want it all connected through the same mouse and keyboard.
5:28
am i done with the pi now, though?
tentatively.
if i'm not using the keyboard or mouse inputs, that's it. it's done.
5:31
yeah, i had some weird experiences with the xp machine last year, but it's not being remote controlled. again, the xp machine is air gapped, like all the pcs in here.
hrmmn.
is it the cable, then?
5:47
if i connect the keyboard and mouse directly to the pi through the cable, it functions properly.
oddly, the pi never reads the keyboard or mouse when you plug it in directly, you have to unplug and replug the mouse in and sometimes it doesn't read the keyboard at all. it makes you wonder if the channel is getting captured over the plug, but if it needs the kvm for the exploit.
*shrug*
i'm going to get some rest, and decide if i want to buy a new kvm or not in a few hours. clearly, this one is causing me some problems.
i don't want to figure it out and block it, i want to unplug it altogether and spend my time doing something more enjoyable. i have at the least tied the issue directly to the kvm and directly to the pi, or at least directly to the usb side of the ps/2<---->usb conversion.
6:29
aug 30, 2023
i intentionally slept all day today because i needed to catch up on it and then spent all night scraping off the consequences of the last week's worth of caked on makeup, including taking two showers. now, it's 3:00? time can sometimes evaporate, entirely.
whatever i'm experiencing with the pi, i'm learning that the adapter i purchased isn't the correct connection to use, in context:
The vast majority of commonly available ps2 to USB converters are simple passive ADAPTERS that simply change the plug shape to match the outlet. These ADAPTERS only function to connect the ps/2 wires to the approximate USB wires. Simple ps/2 to USB adapters do not use specific software drivers.
In general, most users having trouble connecting their keyboard to newer computers are looking for a ps/2 to USB signal CONVERTER. These devices use an integrated circuit (pre-programmed chip) to actively translate the ps/2 keyboard signal and convert it into a USB keyboard signal.
like most people, i just bought the adapter and didn't think further about it. in fact, i checked the amazon product page for the adapter i bought and there are a lot of complaints about it. i was able to find a converter with a lot of comments indicating that it works, including the exact combination of a kvm to drive a raspberry pi. i'm going to need to need to try this next before i convince myself i'm really being hacked.
the pi may eventually end up connected to the monitor i'm currently using to watch lectures when i eat instead of the recording room monitor, along with a newer amp. if the second adapter doesn't resolve the problem, i should consequently not replace this kvm, but continue to utilize the external mouse and keyboard, for now.
i suppose that's the end of this, then, or for now. i'll need to take everything apart, untangle all the cords, put everything back together in a cleaner and more organized way and move some of the external drives over to the stereo, from the table near my bed.
4:26
sept 2, 2023
did i sleep or clean on the 30th? i think i probably did a little of both, and then got some more bicycling in. i've been forced to deal with idiot drug addicts upstairs this weekend that won't fuck off and move out. they think they're gangsta, so i've been blaring the benny goodman and count basie. that's real gangsta. they seem not to like it, indicating that they're in truth fakers and poseurs. i think my converter is in on the 5th.
i don't remember what day i took this picture on, but this is a pragmatic place to leave the pi. also pictured is the usb hub and an old sansa mp3 player.
unfortunately, the pi cannot be put to sleep. what can be done instead is to decide on a collection of tabs and then instruct chromium to load the last session on restart. when you boot back into the pi, you can then re-open chromium to carry on the session, like you're waking the machine up. you could also run chromium in the autostart script, but i'd rather launch it myself.
i don't need that update.
the system is relatively responsive, for a phone, which is what this should be compared to. it's like installing linux on your samsung or nokia and sending it out to a monitor, except it also has a stereo-system quality sound card.
i listened to {e} this morning and it sounds correctly, finally. i think i realized it was a volume issue from the start, but i tried other things, regardless. i'm going to be be back to listening to my discography while exercising relatively soon, but i'm going to move forwards, this time.
i will be using the pi as a streaming device for exercising more than anything else, but it's also connected to the 4-way speaker system, meaning i can listen to it while in bed, typing. this is also a pretty intense system for sex, if i ever let any men down here, which i never do. i'm very picky about men, and tend to prefer to have sex somewhere other than where i sleep. it's true, though; this is a little sex pad down here at this point, and i'm becoming cognizant of it.
the cd player is still connected and i do still use it fairly regularly but the reality is that most music gets streamed nowadays. i was looking at hd streaming sites, and the best quality streams are for free from youtube. i'm consequently very likely to stick with the combination of youtube + bandcamp, rather than move to any sort of paid streaming platform, due to quality issues and due to royalties issues. in fact, i want to start buying more physical cds, again.
there is a record player in the other room, but it's not connected to anything, and i don't have any records any more. i used to have a collection of 70s jazz, prog and fusion records, but i haven't held on to them. there are some things - like mike oldfield, who is one of my biggest influences - that sound better on vinyl, but i generally prefer digital production to analog production. it's always frustrating to try to explain to pro-vinyl people that the reason they prefer the older technology is it technically sounds worse; their ears prefer the noise and the harmonic distortion to the cleaner digital signal. there isn't a correct answer in full generality; it depends on the recording.
14:34
the pi will be connected to the music review youtube account,
i will have access to the deathtokoalas blog from that account, and will be doing show and record reviews from the pi, as i correct the vandalism in the blogs and rewrite them from scratch in pdf format. note that this post continues to be vandalized, and the idiot doesn't understand or deosn't care that i'm just deleting it. they seem content to waste their time altering my writing, only to have me undo it.
15:28
i am assigning each account to a different device. the chromebook-tv in front of the couch is connected to the koala oversight committee account (which replaces the 90s pc, which can no longer connect to youtube), the linuxbook will be connected to the blogging and vlogging accounts (which replaces my fried hp laptop) and this chromebook will be connected to the music production accounts (which takes over that function from the now air gapped xp production machine, which also used to act as the streaming device, which is something this chromebook cannot do effectively).
i know this is a slow process and that i haven't been very productive while i've been doing it, but the reality is that i lost a substantive amount of my hardware a few years ago and that it's been a difficult and frustrating process in slowly replacing it.
15:33
sept 3, 2023
i'm caught up on this, now. i've been struggling with cleaning myself up this week, and it has taken up a lot of my time. my face is frustratingly dry; i've been struggling to sufficiently moisturize. i need to do some filing on the other machine before i move the mp3 drive over. the converter will hopefully be here on the 5th, which should clean up the space around the pi.
i can think of three further issues to consider:
1) if the pi is almost always on, can i install a security camera? can i use this with zoom?
2) can i lock the pi's screen?
3) i have been using chromebooks in guest mode for so log that i've forgotten about browser extensions. i should be able to go back to normal ad blocking in chromium, right?
let me get something to eat, first.
5:59
sept 5, 2023
the converter fixed the kvm issues. great.
13:20
sept 9, 2023
the converter package also came with some new exercise clothes so that i can start to more regularly wash my bra after working out, which is how this raspberry pi is primarily being used.
before exercising:
and after three hours on the bicycle, looking a little rough until i can get in the shower:
my hair is growing. it's almost manageable, finally.
i was distracted this week by an update vlog, but intend to finish this in the next few hours.
14:37
sept 11, 2023
i had to spend the 4th and 5th waiting outside for deliveries, which put the exercise that was scheduled for the 5th off until the 6th. i then spent the 6th-8th working on an update vlog that will be finished soon, spoke to my doctor on the 7th, had a vicious migraine on the 8th that felt like i got drugged by something (it's possible i was.), tried to clean my skin off when i woke up (those migraines dehydrate me), exercised on the morning of the 9th and then spent the later part of the 9th and all of the 10th on the pi. i also have an unusual request by the court of appeal to file a document in a case i thought was closed. i'm currently stuck inside protecting my apartment because my duplex is being cased by the new property owners, who would like to lock me out if they could. every time it looks like it's getting better, it gets worse.
i have now answered the questions i posed previously:
1) i will wait to play with the webcam. linux is not plug and play, and i'l need to install software and know it. it is not pressing to me right now, as i'm inside anyways. i should probably research it. i will likely also need to install something other than the default vlc for flac and wav playback. i also still have old mp3s.
2) you create an entry in the menu to lock the pi's screen by going to the menu editor and adding the following command:
command /usr/bin/dm-tool lock
3) ublock is pre-installed. i also added html5blocker because youtube is annoying, but i wish it didn't block playlists.
i would also suggest the following minor tweaks:
- as stated previously, continue where you left off in chromium. i would rather not have it load on boot up, but you can do that, too, to make it seem like it's waking up.
- there is a memory saver feature. use it, but also use the exceptions list. my exceptions list has the open blog posts at the deathtokoalas site, for now. i suspect that list will be rather static.
- you can tell chrome not to do things in the privacy section and you should.
i can and will file the mp3 drives before i do anything else on the typing pc, which just gained two usb 3.0 ports (i also bought a 3.0 hub, so i have lots more ports, now). however, i need to do some other things first, namely the court of appeal document and the update vlog. i will get back to this when i look into playback software.
5:13
=============
5:27
tuesday sept 12, 2023
there is apparently some childish pre-occupation to try to understand what my sexual fantasies are.
the reason this is delusional is that it's based on the assumption of pseudo-scientific theories in the non-scientific field of psychology. psychology is absolute bollocks and utter nonsense. i don't have deep sexual fantasies, and the theory that claims i should is neither scientific nor even properly labelled as academic. this is strictly charlatanism and the outcome you're observing is what should be expected when charlatanism is examined.
i am not a willing test subject and i expect compensation in terms of remuneration in the end for my troubles and for my patience.
if i have a fantasy, it would actually be to meet an older female that wants to treat me like a human being rather than like a bag of meat. over the length of my life, i have found the shallowness of contemporary women in late capitalism to be very frustrating, to the point that i tell people i'm not attracted to women; all women ever want to do with me is have sex with me, and i'm not attracted to that at all. people that don't want to do anything except have sex (and maybe do drugs) are horribly boring, to me. i used to think women were better than men, but i've had my preconceptions shattered by experience. i don't think this recent increase in the depravity of women is biological, i think it's taught and that the world i have lived my whole adult life in, at least, is one where women are every bit as evil and disgusting to their core as men are. i find this disappointing rather than liberating. i actually want to find the fairer, purer sex and connect with it; i'm not interested in these gross, perverted projections of women as depraved sex addicts. yuck.
i'm a human being with ideas and feelings and beliefs and thoughts. i'm a sound artist and a multi-instrumentalist, as well. these things are important to me, and i do wish that i could find women interested in sharing these things with me rather than women that don't want to do anything but have sex, which is all i seem to be able to find and the reason i tell people i'm not attracted to women at all. sexual gratification is not important to me, and my reaction to women that approach me on first principles by showing a sexual interest in me is that i'm unlikely to want to be their friend at all; i'm more likely to decide that they're gross people i wouldn't enjoy the company of.
this is an old tune, and perhaps it presents an old perspective, but maybe the truth is that i'm an old woman, and one that isn't struggling with aging or trying to stop the clocks from turning.
5:16
i spent a little bit of time with this topic in undergraduate law school.
liberals want to give everybody a second chance, and it's commendable and everything, but the legal system has historically had a hard time understanding the consequences of what it means for somebody to be incapable of understanding what they're doing. the doctors show up and tell the judges "this person will never understand", and the judges think that is an affront to liberal legal theory. it isn't. we can have liberalism for the capable, but we need to follow the science for the incapable.
that means being very careful, granted. it's a different argument to point out the need for a high bar. we can't be labeling people incapable, willy nilly. there are, however, examples where a person simply cannot be allowed to be free because they simply don't understand what they're doing.
this premier in bc is unusual. he sounds right-wing on crime on first approach, but he's actually taking the furthest left position and advancing arguments similar to the ones i advanced when i was in school. i'm going to need to follow this from a distance and see if he ends up as an anomaly or if he's generating a new movement.
19:32
wednesay september 13, 2023
i have ptsd and debilitating enough social anxiety that i live on disability for it. i am not mentally or physically disabled; i have three university degrees and i am in excellent shape. my disability is a vicious inability to deal with humans, and it is a real thing that people in ear shot of me are perhaps learning about.
i need a quiet place to live with the smallest number of people in it possible. i can't live in a rooming house. i am having difficulty existing in the same complex as a rooming house upstairs. i don't just need to be alone almost all of the time, i need solitude in my surroundings. i'd be happy in a literal bunker.
i hate drugs and don't want to get fucked up to deal with people in my own house that i can't otherwise fucking stand. i want a quiet, clean place where i'm not forced to have to fucking tolerate the existence of other fucking humans that i just don't fucking like. i had one, until the property changed hands. this isn't my fault.
the people that bought the house were told i had ptsd and could not deal well with social situations, but they don't seem to have taken it seriously. the reality is that this is what happens when you try to move a bunch of very social kids into a house with somebody with ptsd; the person with ptsd frequently freaks out because they simply can't co-exist with the very social kids. i can't handle the stress created by living in close proximity to all of these people that i don't fucking like.
i'm not dangerous, but i simply can't deal with the social stimulation, and there's not going to be a different outcome. they should have listened; they should not have bought this house, if the intended use of it was to have so many people living in it and coming in and out of it, because i can't handle that.
i have no intention of leaving the property; i will have to chase every fucking idiot out of here one by fucking one.
"you think you're having all the fun; you know me, i hate everyone."
19:02
trudeau is at the point in his mandate where he needs to have goal posts defined, at the least.
if trudeau thinks he can continue governing much longer for the sake of governing's sake, he's going to quickly start sounding like an arab sheikh, and maybe he might want to get dressed up for it, if that's the case. if that becomes reality, if he starts to govern for governing's sake, he should be removed for removal's sake.
if he wants another mandate, he needs to tell us exactly what he wants to do with it, as a basic starting point. he also needs to be setting goals for retirement in the form of accomplishments he feels he can walk away from this with.
i'm actually surprised it's been hard to get rid of him. he's not well liked at international events, and never fits in anywhere. his wife isn't into it, and seems to have dumped him. he'll get a nice retirement salary. why isn't he running to the nearest ski hill in the rockies, as soon as he can?
21:22
september 14, 2023
when i walked in to see dr. barwin in 2001 to ask for hormones, he told me i passed and prescribed on the spot - no hormones, no treatment, nothing. he said i didn't need therapy, he was convinced by one look at me. all i did was comb my hair and put on a blouse, and i looked like a girl, at 20. i actually got hit on by a guy at the bus stop on the way to see him.
i worked as a cashier at an a&w at the time. usually, boys work in the back at fast food restaurants, but the boss insisted i work in the front, because i was the prettiest girl on staff. in fact, he used to ship me around to different stores because i was so pretty. this was before i was even out as a girl at all, but the other cashiers all agreed i had girl power (as was the fashion at the time, ala the spice girls). high fives all around. everybody knew because it was fucking obvious.
i was actually even hired to work as a cashier at the body shop (an organic makeup store), before i was out. they told me later that they hired me because i was "cute", but what they meant was that i looked like a girl. how many male cashiers have you seen at the body shop?
when i told my sister, who is now a right-wing airhead, that i was going into transition, she asked me why it took so long for me to come out. there was no surprise, there was expectation. that's how obvious it was. again, this was at the age of 20.
you can look at my picture archive and see for yourself:
so, don't fucking tell me i don't pass, or that i'm a "cute boy". that's idiotic nonsense. i was so transgendered at the age of 20 that you'd have had to have been willfully blind to miss it. even as a teenager, some of the asshole guys i hung out with used to call me "bitch" to my face.
it's true that some young bisexual or bicurious girls (usually blonde.) might think i'm cute because they're queer and don't realize it, and i've experienced that several times, but that's not my issue to work through.
19:15
i'm making a choice and i insist on framing it that way because i insist you respect my choice. that is the issue, in my view.
but, i really couldn't actually be a dude if i wanted to, and it doesn't take anybody more than ten minutes to realize that. anybody claiming otherwise is being disingenuous, and their motives are consequently suspect. cited characteristics (like that i play guitar, or ride a bicycle.) are surface level shallow and don't hold up to any sort of scrutiny. they don't mean anything and quickly unravel.
i have an ex girlfriend out there that's allowed to insist i ought to be a guy, but you have to consider the source. she can be delusional, that's ok. everybody else should get it pretty quick.
i may be a victim of an attempt at transition therapy but i'm only piecing together what's going on and i'd rather it just cease and desist than that i need to actually disentangle it.
nobody's getting very far trying to dudify me, trust me.
19:47
september 15, 2023
this is half done.
i'm exasperated.
i posted this a few days ago, and some of the language isn't my own. this has clearly been deep edited/faked.
again, this is impossible unless google is allowing it, and google couldn't be allowing it unless it is the state that is responsible for it. editing video is very easy and everything, but this is being edited on site. somebody is editing it at youtube, which you can't do through the youtube editor. it would be very hard to hack into youtube's servers and replace the file, right?
what is the state's motive in this harassment? i don't understand.
0:38
ugh.
some unattractive lesbians from toronto recently purchased the house i live in and showed up here late on a friday night looking to hookup. i turned them down because they were too unattractive, and then pretended i was a virgin and didn't have sex with women at all. i didn't expect them to turn the apartment upstairs into a sex lounge and might have reacted slightly differently if i had, but i'm nonetheless glad i rejected them outright.
now they're telling people i'm a gay man because i didn't want to have sex with them, as lesbians.
the fact is that they're both unattractive women and that they're not good enough for me, in terms of appearances, for random sexual encounters. these are women i wouldn't talk to at a bar; despite that, they brazenly bought the house i live in expecting i would consent to a sexual encounter with them. they are now attempting to save face, so i have to call them out: i rejected them. they're both gross, albeit for different reasons.
as an aside, though, their argument is backwards. what i've told them, and this is at least true, is that i'm not going to fuck them like a man, which is what they want. the reason i'm not interested in and won't fuck them like a man is that i'm not one. gay men, on the other hand, tend to be hyper-masculine. the irony is that the men they moved in are actually stereotypical gay men, in the sense that they frequently walk around with their shirts off, do hard drugs and drive muscle cars.
we're not going to get along with each other and i would like for them to either sell the house or to offer me a pay out, but the reason they don't like me is that i'm *not* a gay man and the reason i don't like them is that they're macho, asshole guys. they're both misogynist dykes; they don't like spending time with effeminate people, they want everybody to be dude-like, and i'm not dude-like at all.
i don't have any gay friends, i've never identified as gay, i've never been in a relationship with a gay man and i've never had sex with a gay man. i've had sex with a handful of straight men, and they all thought i was cis until...surprise.
the reason they're insisting that i'm not a transfemale but actually a gay man is that they're embarrassed that they bought a house to fuck the tranny in it, only to find out that the tranny in it thinks they're gross and won't touch them. the warped skew on reality is the idea that i won't touch them because i'm gay, rather than the truth, which is that i won't touch them because they're unattractive. the simple reality is that they're wrong; i have no resemblance to a gay male in behaviour or appearance, and i have never identified as a gay male nor will i ever identify as one.
i walk around in little pink shirts, colourful makeup and women's underwear and i weigh about 130 pounds. gay men are aggressive, muscular and dominant people that enjoy their masculinity. they revel in it, they like to express it; conversely, i have no masculine side at all, and express nothing but effeminate projection. the idea that i'm not trans but gay is completely diametrically wrong.
further, the reason i'm not attracted to the men they moved in is precisely because they're stereotypical gay men (due to the exaggerated masculinity), and i'm really only attracted to far less macho guys that are far more straight than they are. i actually think that macho gay men are kind of gross, for the reason that they're so macho and dominant. i prefer the company of men that are more secure in their masculinity, and even of men that have a bit of a sensitive side. as borderline rad fem misogynist dykes, these lesbian women don't grasp that kind of thing, they just want everybody of both sexes to be macho freaks, all the time. one of them was actually previously in a relationship that consisted of two female bodybuilders, which was two macho women that both acted and thought like gay men. that's the level of repressed misogyny these women have; they hang out with gay men all the time, and fit in with them perfectly, whereas i couldn't sit in the same room with a bunch of gay guys for five minutes without getting bored and wanting to run off and do something else.
the biggest problem with the guys upstairs is that they're fucking dumb; they're clearly uneducated dumbasses. pretty girls tend to prefer guys that are more articulate and that have higher levels of education.
22:58
saturday, september 16, 2023
i've actually had bar staff ask me to leave gay bars (which i like to dance at, because i don't get hit on by straight guys at them) because i was bringing too much feminine energy into the space, and it was actually weirding out the actual gay guys. gay men do not hit on me, because i'm a girl.
conversely, i've also had a blast dancing at underground gay bars until 8:00 am.
0:58
it was a slow summer in terms of concerts in the region, in my opinion, and that was expected, coming out of the pandemic. were things going to get cancelled if they got booked? there are some shows in detroit that i might want to go to in the fall, but i won't feel safe going out to any sort of party until these losers stop coming to my house and getting fucked up on meth or something worse on the porch, and the unfortunate and frustrating reality that i have to deal with is that they've come back here every single weekend since may. i can't go out and have fun at any sort of a real party until they stop coming here and getting crunk in the backyard like the crackhead and junkie losers that they are, because i'm convinced that they're going to break into my apartment as soon as they think that i'm gone. i will need for them to be gone for a substantive length of time and for the nature of the tenancy upstairs to become more clear before i will feel safe enough to leave the apartment. further, i'm going to require that the locks upstairs be changed before i consider going anywhere, as well.
6:54
the people that bought the house that i live in are dangerous drug users and i don't and won't feel safe leaving my apartment until after they've left and moved on.
7:13
i have purchased a new vlog camera:
i paid $35 for the last one in 2015 and $45 for this one today. that is not awful inflation. i dropped the $35 one on the concrete floor down here a few years ago and actually bought crazy glue to put the piece back together but never did and am deciding i should get a new one, instead.
this camera increases the potential quality of the recording, although i will likely continue to record in marginal quality, should allow me to transfer without removing the sd card and can also be charged via usb. it's still batteries, but it's a lot more convenient to be able to plug it in. otherwise, it's a similar low end vlog camera, which is all i need.
i would not expect new vlogs uploaded any time soon, but i want to get back to narrating my life on a more regular basis, for an eventual return to uploads.
9:55
what actually happens when you take mushrooms is that your body goes into shock. the "trip" is your body shutting down as it is eliminating a poison. there's nothing natural about it at all.
that said, it's also a less damaging drug than others because it actually doesn't target your brain at all. it's more like you're undergoing really vicious food poisoning.
i don't really oppose this. mushrooms are generally not smoked, so mushroom legalization requires minimal bylaws. i'd be less annoyed by psilocybin using neighbours than pothead neighbours.
however, i don't actually expect this to be successful because the market for mushrooms is overwhelmingly under 21 and the experience doesn't have a lot of potential as a mainstream drug. people tend to grow out of pot, but older potheads do exist. nobody keeps doing mushrooms as they mature, due to what it is like to do mushrooms. everybody grows out of mushrooms.
18:40
monday, september 18, 2023
i think this is a timely post.
this is my sixth solo record. these tracks are completed versions of songs i wrote and demoed in 2001-2002, some of them with a guest vocalist, who did nothing more or less than overdub vocals on to pre-recorded demos. as of 2014-2015, these demos have have been rebuilt from source, remixed, remastered and completed as instrumental recordings. most of the songs have associated singles full of remixes and alternate versions.
my seventh solo record also contains some material from that period that was rebuilt from source, remixed, remastered and completed as instrumental recordings. this occurred at the end of 2015 but the record was not fully sequenced until mid-2021.
sean can be damo suzuki if he'd like. i'd encourage it. really. it's helpful to me, even.
i just need you to also reaize that i'm all of the other four members of can, combined into one person.
there are four releases that fully document the demos, and they are demos:
symphonic poem:
noise ep:
demo lp:
acoustic tour ep:
=======
these records truly sound outstanding on this system via flac playback in qmmp or audacious, or via mp3 playback in vlc. it's a known issue that vlc has issues with flac in linux, but i had to experiment to learn it. in fact, they sound better through the pi into this system than they do through my production machine into it; this is the first time i've heard these records sound as good on loud speaker playback as they do through my high end 80s sennheisers. i'm very impressed, and it's sort of emancipating to hear your own music sound correctly through your own speakers for the first time.
what it proves is that the output is flat and that the output is clean and that's what i want - pure reproduction, no interference. great.
13:03
sikhs are shockingly over-represented in the canadian political system, and that fact has consequences in terms of policy.
extra-judicial killings are messy things, but i do not condemn the indian government for eliminating this individual, which all evidence suggests was in fact a dangerous extremist. sikh independence is a particularly egregious form of ethnic nationalism that any leftist should be diametrically opposed to. nato conducts assassinations of terrorist suspects in foreign countries on a routine basis. the canadian government is engaging in a comical level of hypocrisy, here.
yes, it indicates that the relationship with india right now is not very good, but it should not be over-stated. what it really demonstrates is how petty and vindictive the trudeau pmo is; this would not have happened, had they come home with a trade deal.
trudeau needed revenge on india for denying him a trade deal. doesn't that make the rejection self-explanatory?
22:23
i am not shy about the fact that i prefer polytheism to monotheism. the hindus are more like my european ancestors, and better represent the culture that was deprived of us due to forced christianization. i will generally side with hindus against sikhs and with hindus against muslims.
22:50
i just think that these sex worker organizations don't have a strong grasp of the economic ramifications of the policies they are promoting. they want libertarianism because they think markets are freedom; they don't seem to be cognizant of the reality that the greatest threat to their freedom is capitalism, and that markets are in fact the thing they need to be most protected from.
i agree with this ruling, albeit for very different reasons. this would have been a pyrrhic victory for sex workers, indeed.
and, yes, i need to align with labour. always. i don't like their lifestyles, but they're proletariat. i know what my class is and who i'm in solidarity with.
22:55
tuesday september 19, 2023
ms. chow is hinting at the right answer, which nobody wants to talk about.
if there's developing agreement that the issue is structural, the solution isn't transferring more money to toronto but uploading more services to the province.
uploading services is the only answer that doesn't push the problem down the road.
18:21
wednesday, september 20, 2023
nato routinely kills what it calls terrorists in afghanistan, iraq and syria without any sort of legal process, as well as in ukraine and increasingly in russia, as well as perhaps in libya. israel routinely kills dissidents extra-judicially.
i don't see a difference between india carrying out a strike on a terrorist in canada and nato killing a terrorist in syria, and i don't say that to condemn nato. while i oppose frivolous attacks on civil liberties, i actually very strongly support state action to dismantle actual terrorist networks, such as islamic extremist networks and sikh extremist networks, as well as christian extremist networks where they can be found, which is mostly in africa. it is widely understood internationally that canada is a safe haven for sikh extremism and terrorism, and it is really up to the canadian government to crack down on it, which it refuses to do; if we won't behave responsibly in dismantling sikh extremist networks, the indians have a justification to act in the presence of our negligence.
the reality is that canada is a rogue state on sikh extremism and that we need to realize that and alter how we approach it. we're also a rogue state on carbon emissions. trudeau's snowflake higher groundism is delusional; he's one of the most right-wing and one of the least responsible actors on the stage.
10:26
it's disappointing to see what has up to this point been an american problem imported into canada, and these protests do certainly have a lot of overlap with the ones in the united states, but the demographic difference is substantive. the religious right in the united states remains primarily white and primarily christian; that is not true in most of canada and is especially not true in ontario and quebec. in the centre of canada, the religious right is dominantly brown and of various religious minorities, most visibly muslim. conversely, the queer movement in canada is overwhelmingly composed of white liberals. this sets up a very different political demographic, as you have a dominantly brown conservative religious right squaring off against a white liberal left. this isn't just about queer and trans rights, but that might be the biggest flash point.
what canadians should be concerned about is the potential of racial conflict developing. it's easy to get frustrated when you look at a crowd of right-wing protesters and see a sea of hijabs, and the flip side is that the queer movement lacks minority perspective. its a different dynamic that requires some savvy bridge-building.
the expectation is that the religious minorities will assimilate, but that's exactly what they're protesting, policies designed to assimilate their kids. further, it's not clear if tactics developed to assimilate white catholics will be successful on brown minorities of non-christian faiths or if different strategies will be necessary.
19:08
friday, september 22, 2023
india should draw attention to some of the indian citizens that the british empire has killed.
8:11
you can't share this link on facebook in canada, right now.
14:15
i'm not possessive, but i don't like to share. there's a big difference.
a person may be possessive and not like to share, and that's the scary type; such a person becomes jealous and aggressive.
further, a person may be possessive and also like to share, which is a type that is more common amongst the wealthy than the poor. i would find this type of person to be creepy and gross, but others may interpret them as...let's use the term 'generous'. i don't like the underlying assumption of ownership, even if it supposedly comes with a concept of benevolence attached to sharing. i think this is disgusting, but i can't be bothered to care much, either.
the fourth logical choice is not well defined. if somebody is not possessive and still likes to share, what does that mean? it means they're not invested and likely to be cast aside. this is a person that doesn't build relationships at all.
but, a person like myself that is not possessive and doesn't like to share doesn't get cast aside, they walk away. we don't get angry, we don't get jealous, we don't fight. rather, we expect the people we're interested in to also be interested in us, and become disinterested when they aren't. we don't concern ourselves with people that aren't into us but rather seek actual mutual interest, which has unfortunately become weird standing here in late capitalism, where everything has been marketized and turned into a product. it doesn't seem to matter if the other person likes you back anymore, because it's just a market relation, to be flipped at our convenience.
the person that is not possessive and doesn't like to share is best characterized by their disinterestedness in almost everybody, which i believe i am known for. marx himself argued in his own words that all sex in capitalism is necessarily prostitution and that this cannot be avoided; really, you'd might as well get used to it. if, like me, you're not possessive but don't like to share, there's no solution besides disinterest, unless or until you meet somebody else that doesn't like to share, either. then, watch out.
18:54
saturday, september 23, 2023
i learned tonight that my online banking service generates virtual prepaid credit/debit cards as "gift cards" for free, which is an incredibly useful piece of information. tonight, i needed a way to pay for a foia, but i may be able to use the tactic to order groceries from stores other than walmart, as well. my debit card is finnicky. this might be more stable.
3:03
i've decided to stop posting here so that the fact of the unwanted editor's vandalism can reverberate.
the vandal is not the author of this blog, but her schizophrenia is such that she thinks that she is. what she does is re-order sentences in such a way that she thinks is more grammatically correct but is often literally incoherent and which imposes a style that is not my own and that i do not like. my grammar is admittedly non-standard and that is my preference but it is also complex and these facts are interrelated in a way that she is not intelligent enough to comprehend. she thinks she is "fixing" my grammar but is in fact ruining my writing in the process of "fixing" it and she will not stop and fuck off and go away. rather, she is deeply mentally disturbed and needs to be exposed before she can seek help or help can be imposed upon her.
she has somehow managed to convince powerful people that she is the author, which has given her access to the account. i am forced to deny her of content in order to expose her as a fraud. it could be a while before i post again.
she can't write like i do. she can barely write at all. she has a grade 9 education and thinks she's a genius. i don't know how long this will take, but i'd ask readers to help me with the process.
apologies.
14:37
sunday, september 24, 20123
i feel an obligation to explain something to the outside world. you can seek out other sources and verify these claims.
the north american soft-left is currently very harshly anti-indian due to longstanding religious tensions that have to do with perceived persecution of muslims by the indian government. despite consistently being the most aggressively oppressive identifiable group on the planet, muslims have a bizarre persecution complex, and much of the soft left has fallen for it. hitchens spoke and wrote widely about this; it has no connection to reality, but it's very widespread. the muslim-hindu conflict in india goes back to the era of islamic colonialism in india, when muslims aggressively conquered and then brutally enslaved hindus for centuries. islam is always the victim, even of it's own aggressive actions.
sikhs are also bizarrely over-represented in the canadian government. i choose that word carefully: the over-representation is bizarre. if you thought jews were over-represented in america, they've got nothing on the sikh over-representation in canada.
these two things together, combined with trudeau's recent snub by modi in india, make a belligerent attack on india a useful political tactic by the trudeau liberals and i do insist that this is what this is actually about. trudeau's statements may have reverberated louder than intended; they were intended for internal consumption.
7:12
we should just change the border to the 42nd parallel, making the canadian part of america a part of canada.
i've decided to spend the ~$200 in order to purchase the linked to mini computer for use as a dedicated streaming device in my stereo system:
i haven't looked at the typing machine yet, despite the post i posted last monday. i spent the week doing things like cleaning, sleeping, bicycling and purchasing the new mini pc, which i'm going to start the process of setting up tonight. i had to accommodate a plumber mid-week.
i will finish setting this up in a few hours, after i've eaten and completed my three hours for today on a stationary bicycle.
dtoverlay=hifiberry-dacplus
i suppose that's the end of this, then, or for now. i'll need to take everything apart, untangle all the cords, put everything back together in a cleaner and more organized way and move some of the external drives over to the stereo, from the table near my bed.
i don't need that update.
i paid $35 for the last one in 2015 and $45 for this one today. that is not awful inflation. i dropped the $35 one on the concrete floor down here a few years ago and actually bought crazy glue to put the piece back together but never did and am deciding i should get a new one, instead.
13:11
i'd like to be able to email a letter to canada post and have them print it and package it, then pay for it online.
15:37
=======================
i'm not reposting this document until i am certain it is free of vandalism. this document is intended for my pi drive as a reinstall guide and will be almost immediately taken down. i don't know why you waste your time harassing me like this, as you constantly ruin everything because you're fucking retarded. please fuck off and go die somewhere, you stupid cunt.
august 19, 2021
i'll also need to purchase ps/2 to usb and vga to hdmi cables so i can connect the pi to the kvm running the studio peripherals. this will split the chromebook i'm currently using as an internet gateway device into two devices, one for streaming music (and occasionally video, potentially) and the other for uploading audio and other data to the internet. the pi will now also be how i send media locally from an external audio drive into the stereo system, making it a general digital audio streaming input into the stereo system.
(edit: i've also purchased a usb hub and a dvd/cd-rom for the pi so that i can rip music directly to the external drive through the pi and also so that i can connect my mp3 player, which needs to be upgraded, to it. together, that isolates the pi as a complete audio player and storage centre that is not connected to any of my other pcs and that actually sounds better than any of them as well.)
i had the intention back in 2013 of connecting an external audio drive to the 90s pc, which was being used as a media pc at the time, and writing an html front-end to access the audio that stored reviews and documented connections between the individuals that made the music in the collection, and i purchased an external drive for this reason and copied all of my audio data to it, but the computer was unstable. i did not find myself sitting on the couch listening to music very often, either, as i had a laptop on my bed that i preferred for that role. the 90s pc was instead used to watch youtube videos when i was eating on the couch. the pi is a computer; i can use it to write reviews for the html front-end on the external drive like i intended to back in 2013 and likely will if it's accessible. this is long overdue, really. the 90s pc is back in the studio, with it's initial hardware back in it; the pi will now be the media pc, with a specific focus on audio streaming.
the idea of having a quarantined streaming device on the network that is connected to the stereo system as an audio component has developing utility when applied to the stereo systems of the future; unfortunately, i'll have to buy a new device to get the appropriate dac, as i don't have an appropriate old computer to repurpose. stereo systems need to stream at a decent quality level today and will need to stream more at a better quality level in the future, so this is now as important a component in a stereo system as a cd player once was. i don't want to plug my pcs into the internet anymore and the headphone out on the chromebook has demonstrated it's limitations, which are limitations inherent to any laptop-type device (it's not a line-level out). rather, i need an actual computer that i can both plug into the internet and install a sound card into so that i can stream audio from the internet and into the amp at a decent volume level and that's where a mini pc like this pi is uniquely ideal. this specific pi is designed intentionally as an audio component and i'm going to be using it that way.
i could also use the pi to stream video, but i don't stream video very often (in this room). i currently have the stereo in the same room as the studio (the main room) and the tv in front of the couch in the side room; i may eventually put the studio back in it's own space and combine the tv and stereo back into a normal living room, in which case the pi will take over tv duties from the broken chromebook, in the form of two workspaces rather than a kvm. for now, it's going to sit on top of my cd player and become the streaming device in my stereo system, which currently means streaming bandcamp and youtube (as well as local streaming) but may expand to some paid service, if i think it's worth paying for the higher fidelity. i would consider that unlikely. in fact, the highest quality audio i'm aware of is currently at youtube and i'd even like to get back to building my physical cd collection, instead. there's a high chance that i might end up streaming a lot of flac, if i get back back to the reviews.
if i can get on to the zoom network with it, the pi is how i will need to connect to video conferencing for the foreseeable future, and i may also set up a security camera to youtube for when i leave the house, in order to catch my landlord coming in here. i may eventually use it to boot the ip phone, as well; for now, the 90s laptop is actually pretty convenient for that purpose.
i don't know how people build stereo systems nowadays, but i'd suppose that the number of inputs into the amp has decreased and that standalone dvd or cd players are being replaced by dedicated laptops or even by cell phones. the rca jack is what i need for the equipment i have and the right way to get the internet into the stereo in a directed and quarantined way that allows for enough volume for it to be stereo system level quality.
let me list the different specialized devices i've set up for personal use:
- i have a chromebook in use as a tv that is connected to an external monitor that sits on a table in front of the couch that i eat on.
- i have a cisco ip phone beside it running a customized cisco operating system. this device has an ip address on my network and is connected directly to the voip servers through the router, over tcp/ip and not over udp (which is what allowed it to work).
- there's a 90s laptop running a very minimal stripped down xp that i use as a tftp server to boot the ip phone. the laptop and the server both have ip addresses and are in some sense separate devices. i can also use the 90s laptop to google things and take notes when i'm on the phone.
- i do have a koji phone that i want to put a custom android on and use strictly for roaming but i can't get the sim card out and have never gotten around to it. i think i've used it twice. i understand that i will eventually need a phone, but i'm still currently at the point where i adamantly don't want one.
- the kvm in the studio now has it's four inputs filled: a 16-bit recording pc with windows 98, a 32-bit recording pc with windows xp, a 64-bit recording pc with windows 7 (being built) and the incoming raspberry pi, connected to the stereo system as a streaming device. only the pi has internet access.
- there will remain an expired chromebook in the studio for uploading audio and other data to the internet.
- there are two broken laptops in the apartment. i would like to convert one of them into a floor-level guitar effects processor, but i've had bad luck replacing components in the screen. i think i can fix this laptop, but it's getting old enough that it's becoming uneconomical to bother doing so. the other one is likely unfixable; it's currently beeping that the processor is damaged, but i think the board is actually fried. laptops are expensive wastes of money that work for a few years and break by design and i have decided to avoid them in the future in favour of cheap/expired chromebooks that will also work for a few years and break by design, but at a price point that is more acceptable.
- i like to have a glorified typewriter by my bedside. i had my pc in my bed through high school and left the 90s pc there for years, after i upgraded the production machine, before i replaced it with the two broken laptops, in succession. i then left the chromebook there for a while, but have been without a good bedside typewriter for a few years. the typing machine i'm currenty building is an air gapped windows 7 pc with a stylus pen input and a satellite chromebook being converted into a linuxbook for email and general internet access. the idea is to use the chromebook for internet writing and the windows 7 machine for offline writing, and to move data back and forth via usb.
that's four pcs, two broken laptops, one working laptop, three chromebooks, an ip phone, a shelved cell phone, an mp3 player and a mini pc pi. all of these devices are performing specific functions that they are best suited for. i think this is how we keep old computers out of the landfill, we recycle them into dedicated use devices.
4:20
that site was in the eu and wouldn't take my payment method. i also didn't realize it was $200 usd. the device at that site is conveniently constructed, but also somewhat overpriced.
i don't mind paying for the device because while it's going to primarily be for streaming audio it's also going to be used for the other stated purposes and i need a broadly more flexible internet device. the pi will be in a throwaway security zone.
i decided to slightly upgrade everything by building it myself, and it cost less:
for $250, this is going to be a very useful addition to the network.
13:24
the case is not going to fit and i didn't realize the case comes with a cord, making the extra one unnecessary. i may have to drill holes in the side, and the fan may not fit on top of the dac. i'll have to experiment to determine an agreeable outcome.
conversely, i may put it aside and buy a second case. i will probably replace some of these chromebooks with pis, eventually.
15:17
on second thought, that case is designed to plug the hat into the outside, which will make installing the fan frustrating, so i bought a second case that is designed to allow the gpio chips to plug into the board and for the result to still fit in the case.
hopefully, i can just take the first case and put it in the second case. if not, i can hopefully take the insides of the first case (the fan.) and place it in the second case.
15:39
that doesn't make sense, though.
can i find an example of a pi with a fan and an add-on?
15:42
i can't. it doesn't make sense.
i'll just use the second case for this device and put the other one aside. it's $20. it'll get used eventually. i can maybe use some of the heat sinks.
15:56
august 21, 2023
you know these pis are small.
you don't realize how small until they get here.
i bought the wrong size adapter for the display, so i'll have to wait until an adapter gets here, tomorrow. given that i have double of all the accessories, i'm wondering if i shouldn't just buy another pi right away, maybe an older one.
let me start on this install. i'll have to download the os, right?
12:24
something that's changed since i quit smoking is that i don't like to get into bed until after i've showered for the night, which makes it impossible to work on the typing machine when i haven't showered in a while, such as when i'm waiting for products to arrive, like i am right now.
the bigger case and the adapter will be here tomorrow and the next day and what i can do is minimal until they get here but i should at least get the operating system downloaded and installed to the card by the end of the night.
20:26
i quickly installed the rca card into the pi, which i have placed beside some items of well known size to demonstrate how small it is. i thought it would be more similar to the size of a novel, rather than the size of a credit or debit card.
i guess it's worthwhile to point out that the pi is smaller than most phones, even as it's not a good reference for myself as i don't use phones.
there is a 1.5 ghz quadcore chip with 4 gb of ram in the pi, which is a standard mid-level phone processor as of c. 2020 (used in nokia or samsung phones). i've never used an arm processor, so that might be a change. the os is based on debian. you can see the 4 usb slots (2 3.0, 2 2.0) and the rj-45. there's a micro-sd slot on the other side.
this is the reason that i purchased the mini pc to act as a streaming device into my stereo system:
the rca outs are going into an analog amp, but what i'm actually looking for is a fixed-volume line level signal (rather than a headphone jack, which is what is in the chromebook i'm using and what is built in to this device) so that the output doesn't constantly sound like it needs to be turned up to drive the amp properly. this is particularly noticeable in music with a wide harmonic spectrum, which is what i tend to listen to and also what i tend to create; while it may be less audible in most contemporary popular music, and especially so in most contemporary rock music, sending a signal with a wide harmonic spectrum through a headphone out and into an amp will create a muffled lowpass effect that cuts out the high frequencies, which i've recently audibly noticed when listening to music through the headphone out on my chromebook. there's also a line-in on the soundcard.
you can read more about the difference between line outs and headphone outs here, but be careful about bad information on the topic on the internet:
the card is physically connected to the board with the gold screws and attaches to the cpu via a 40-pin connector. that's apparently standard.
21:00
should i put android on this device instead?
that might be useful to me, as i don't use cell phones. it doesn't give me access to a sim card, though. it is not having access to a sim card that is the part of not using a cell phone that is causing me annoyances because the corporate state uses sim cards as a way to uniquely identify people, which is something that is going to become more and more invasive in the future, which means that it is consequently going to become more and more difficult for people to exist without them. i'm going to need a cell phone at some point, but i'm still at the point where i adamantly don't want one. i still think cell phones are for self-important assholes; it turns out that the world is full of self-important assholes.
21:32
there's not a convincing reason to put android on this device, other than the sake of it, which is counterproductive. i'm going to install the pi os for now and then decide if it's sufficient or if it'd rather use a different linux distro. unfortunately, i don't think i can avoid using a phone by installing android on a pi; i'm going to rather need to wait for the state to expand it's surveillance to the voip network, instead. i also don't have a touch screen monitor, which would make it difficult to impossible to use android on this device, at this point.
23:10
august 22, 2023
i have now downloaded the image and it is a simple enough process to install it on the card. however, it's going to give me the partition back, right? i bought a 128 gb card so that i'd have temporary space on the drive, i don't want to lose the partition to a storage process.
0:54
i burned the image to the sd card this morning; it seems to boot.
i can't do anything else until the hdmi adapter gets here.
6:35
the adapter has arrived, but the hdmi connector is not the correct size to fit into the pi. how many different sized hdmi connectors are there?
let me try this again.
19:48
i bought an hdmi to mini hdmi adapter; what i need is an hdmi to micro hdmi adapter. ugh.
the item was inexpensive and has potential eventual use value. having extra adapters is never any sort of waste.
19:50
the micro adapter should be here with a handful of usb keys tomorrow, along with the bigger case.
20:15
august 23, 2023
i've spent a very large part of august sitting around and waiting for products to be delivered, which has unfortunately had a substantively negative effect on my productivity. a frustratingly large part of the day ends up wasted sitting around and doing nothing while you're forced to wait around for products to arrive before you stop to eat or take a shower or whatever else in order to pivot.
if i wasn't stuck waiting for a product to be delivered right now, i'd be working on setting up the typing machine, but i'd need to get in bed to do that, and i'd need to take a shower before i get into bed; right now, i can't get into bed because i'm stuck waiting around for a product to get here before i take a shower, first. ugh.
the adapter has been out for delivery since 9:30. why is it taking so long?
14:51
the remaining products have now arrived.
i've spent so much on adapters to connect the pi via my ps/2 & vga kvm at this point that it might have made more sense to get a new kvm, except that i'd then need to get adapters to connect the new kvm to the old computers connected to it (a windows 98 pc and a windows xp pc), which would defeat the point; i'd need to purchase new adapters, regardless.
as mentioned, having extra adapters is never a waste.
once connected together, this is what all of the adapters look like:
the kvm's vga in connects to the vga to hdmi adapter, which needs a supplementary hdmi to micro adapter and which was botched yesterday due to getting a hdmi to mini adapter, instead. fuckers. the micro hdmi adapter then connects to the pi's video out.
the ps/2 cables connect to a combined usb connector and this is efficient in the sense that i only need to waste one of my usb 2.0 connections instead of two.
17:19
as an aside, i'm listening to the first mount zion record through the headphone out on the chromebook and hearing the same low pass effect that i've been hearing on my own recordings, indicating that it is the signal path and not the audio source. opening up this low pass filter is what i'm trying to fix in installing the pi as a streaming device with the rca out, which is replacing the maudio audiophile in the xp recording machine, which is what used to perform that function when i listened to music coming from the internet through speakers more frequently many years ago, and which is now air-gapped and off the network (but still connected to the amp, for local playback of my own recordings).
17:22
i have now put the pi in the bigger case, but i had to improvise because the sound card has two defects that make lining it up with the holes in the case impossible; the line in jack is out of line with the rca connections and there is a white plug on the top that might be removable but not in any obvious way, which makes closing the lid impossible. i had to carve out a space for the line in with a pair of pliers and then just used packing tape to keep the top in place. i did poke a few holes in the tape, as well. the top keeps the dust out, but you also want some air flow, given that there is no fan.
we're doing jewish music while exercising this month, so it's going to be a gybe/asmz run.
17:36
aug 24, 2023
i had to pry the case open in multiple spots because the card is not properly aligned along the edge, which prevents it from fitting snugly into the case and makes plugging cords into it impossible, otherwise. i do have the os up and running, i can connect to the internet and the kvm does work. mostly.
however, i don't yet know how to get the os to read the rca card and will need to spend some time tonight understanding how to do that in order to set up the device so that it performs it's intended task.
13:58
aug 25, 2023
the difficult part was in finding the right google search terms.
this explains the install process, and it is not at all complicated:
the update is to use the following as config code, instead of the device discussed:
dtoverlay=hifiberry-dacplus
0:15
it instantly sounds way better. great.
0:15
now that i'm certain that the rca card works, the next thing to do is to completely dismantle all wireless access to the pi. i'm of the opinion that it certainly should have come with all wireless functionality disabled by default, but so be it.
0:18
i spent the night fighting with what might have been some script kiddies upstairs and think i have blocked them with tinfoil. i'll do a write-up later.
16:44
what happened last night when i sat down to set up the pi was that i realized the device had been hacked, and that the only likely suspects were the kids upstairs. on the one hand, it's an easy target for them due to the way the install process operates. on the other hand...what a bunch of fucking losers.
you can't turn the wifi or the bluetooth off during the install process or immediately on first boot, which makes it a triviality to sit upstairs and hack into it, if you have some rudimentary video game hacking skills. it's childish behaviour that has no outcome or purpose but annoying me, but it's the kind of thing you expect from childish kids or, perhaps, from immature boys that have a suppressed crush on you.
the reinstall process is simple enough; i just need to reflash the card from an airgapped machine. however, it is annoying and counter-productive to have to do this repeatedly. as i have done more generally with my network topology, i instantly decided that i didn't want to get into a fight with them but rather wanted to find a way to physically disable all wireless access to the device so that they couldn't possibly bother me, whether they wanted to or not. i quickly realized that i'd be a sitting duck during the install, unless i could physically block the signal. the way to physically block radio waves from interacting with a device is by placing it in a faraday cage, which in context can be emulated by wrapping the pi in tinfoil.
based on what i observed, i am also concluding that the kvm itself must have somehow been taken over remotely, which is presenting what i was experiencing last winter from a different perspective. i consequently wrapped the kvm in tinfoil, as well.
how well can tinfoil legitimately block radio waves? broadly, probably not very well. however, bluetooth and wifi both function at very high frequency levels, which makes something like tinfoil more likely to be effective. tinfoil is probably pretty good at blocking wifi, specifically.
by coincidence or effect, this tactic worked well enough to allow me to get through the install, uninstall the drivers and firmware for bluetooth and wifi on first boot and then uninstall all ssh server packages, as that is the vulnerable backdoor that's open. i haven't seen any evidence of the device being controlled remotely, since.
do i think i'm reacting to annoying children hacking an open wireless signal during a weak point i can't defend against within a naive install process? the reality is that my keyboard and mouse were both quite apparently under the control of an external entity. it legitimately seemed as though somebody was logging into the machine remotely.
i can only react to evidence as i experience it.
23:53
aug 27, 2023
i spent the 26th cleaning and catching up on sleep, including cleaning myself, but i purchased a few products at the end of the day in advance of cancelling my amazon prime trial tomorrow, namely two ethernet switches to ensure that i don't run out of physical ports on my network and two usb 3.0 hubs because i've been experiencing slow transfer rates on usb 2.0 devices through usb 3.0 ports recently. usb 3.0 is supposed to be backwards compatible, but the 2.0 hub through the 3.0 interface has difficulties keeping up and frequently hangs. the 2.0 devices work fine in 2.0 environments. i need a usb 3.0 7 port hub for the typing machine to utilize the 3.0 keys i bought, and i also bought a 5 port hub for the pi because i'm going to be moving the mp3 drive and mp3 player from the typing machine to the stereo; i want to make sure i have enough ports.
i'm going to be working on setting up the pi tonight, but i'm reposting this writeup because, like everything else that's been posted here, it's unfortunately been vandalized by the unwanted retarded editor who i would like to shoot in the face and feed to the animals and consequently needs to be corrected.
something that has recently changed in my apartment is that i've decided where to permanently place the stationary bicycle. i hope this doesn't replace my outside bicycling in the long run, but it does give me an option to get some exercise in the winter and it has prevented me from getting too flabby while i'm stuck inside this year.
i haven't decided if i can ride the walmart bicycle outside or not, but breaking it in inside is probably the safest way to test it.
leaving my bicycle in this position in the apartment allows me to listen to both sets of speakers when i'm exercising, which is an immersive experience that i stumbled upon by accident.
1:57
aug 28, 2023
the last update was late on friday night and narrates what happened early friday morning, when i had to stop to get a few hours of sleep. i was largely content at that time that i had succeeded in removing access to all wireless devices:
these were the steps i took:
1. with the device off, wrap it in tinfoil
2. on a different computer (preferably air-gapped), format the sd card. do not do a quick format. do three passes, even.
3. reflash the sd card using whatever tool you'd like to use. i am using a very small freeware tool called usbwriter, https://sourceforge.net/projects/usbwriter/.
4. connect a usb mouse and keyboard to the pi, insert the sd card and turn the device back on, while still in the tinfoil.
5. skip any sort of updates during install. do not search for wireless networks, obviously. be prompt.
immediately on first boot,
6. run:
sudo rfkill block wifi
sudo rfkill block bluetooth
7. fix raspberry pi configuration
- no auto-login
- no serial in
- no wifi country
- also, disable screen blanking
8. reboot
on second boot, go to add/remove in the start menu:
9. search for and uninstall all bluetooth packages, reboot (search term: bluetooth)
10. search for and uninstall all wireless packages, reboot (but don't delete wireless tools - library or you'll lose the gui) (search term: wireless)
11. search for ssh and uninstall all of the server packages, reboot (search term: ssh, but only choose the server packages).
12. search for vnc and uninstall all of the server packages, reboot (search term: vnc, but only choose the server packages).
it should now boot with no bluetooth icon at all and with no wireless interfaces, as well as with no remote access.
i then stopped to sleep; i removed the tinfoil and turned the device off before i did.
4:06
when i woke up, i turned the device back on and plugged an ethernet cable in to make sure it connected. i have it set up to connect to a reserved ip on my router, as determined by the device's mac address, but it's running dhcp (by default) on the device. wait for the update icon to come up, and install all of the updates. reboot.
4:11
the next step was to update the /boot/config.txt file, as per the posted video, with the aforementioned update code. these are the lines to change:
# Uncomment some or all of these to enable the optional hardware interfaces
#dtparam=i2c_arm=on
dtparam=i2s=on
#dtparam=spi=on
#dtparam=spi=on
# Enable audio (loads snd_bcm2835)
#dtparam=audio=ondtoverlay=hifiberry-dacplus
# Enable DRM VC4 V3D driver
dtoverlay=vc4-kms-v3d, noaudio
max_framebuffers=2
after a reboot, make sure to choose the right audio device by clicking on the sound icon at the top right.
i then streamed the first mt zion record to check to see what it sounded like and was pleased to hear that it recovered it's headroom; the lowpass was gone. great.
4:15
i then spent a few hours on the bicycle, listening to a few early godspeed records. i picked these records because i know they have a wide harmonic spectrum and because i know them extremely well; these are records i've certainly heard hundreds of times and have maybe even heard thousands of times through headphones or high quality systems and that i consequently knew i would be able to very quickly judge the sound quality of at extreme volume levels. if something was muffled or blurry or some frequency range was cut, it would be immediately obvious to me. now, this is not a technical analysis, and perhaps somebody might find a dac that has better specs, but i was trying to fix an obvious audible defect and i can state with some force that these records sounded outstanding streaming from youtube over hd and out into my amp, and then into a 4 speaker setup that includes two vintage kefs and two vintage celestions. i couldn't hear any noise. moya was fucking immersive. i hope the kids upstairs enjoyed it (</sarcasm).
5:39
august 29, 2023
i stopped this morning in order to eat and then to sleep and eventually woke up around 11:00, in order to once again wait for a package, the one with the two switches and the two usb hubs. the package did arrive early in the afternoon. i was able to get on the bicycle for more exercise from 14:30 to 17:30ish, stopped to eat again around 18:00 and then intended to spend a few hours cleaning before showering and then sitting down to finish this write-up. i am just getting back to finishing the narrative, now.
where was i?
as mentioned, i spent the 26th cleaning. i then spent the 27th and 28th fixing vandalism in this post. the usb hub for the pi is in, but i haven't touched the actual device; i have been listening to di meola through it, streaming in hd from youtube, and it sounds great. di meola is a good test artist because it provides for an opportunity to listen to the overtones on the guitar, which is exactly the kind of thing i'm using the pi to rescue.
the overtones from al's playing on these records are distinct through this signal and...overtones are not clear. that's the point. you can hear the decay on them, though. as mentioned, the specs may not be spectacular, but i've spent enough time with sound (and with a neurotic audiophile father) to know that specs are useless. i am knowledgeable about sound (as a musician), i have good ears and i'm happy with the outcome.
the last thing to do before i can put the pi back in the case is ascertain if i can use the kvm or not. i'm going to swap out ports and cords and see what happens.
3:00
unfortunately, the kvm is continuing to act as a backdoor and i don't quite understand it. this is not a wireless device and it shouldn't have any sort of wireless access at all.
i suppose i'm not going to be able to use the kvm, then. i have extra usb mice and keyboards; this wold be a minor annoyance.
i suppose i might consider purchasing a new kvm, but it's not helpful if i don't understand how it's being used to connect to the pi. that doesn't strike me as script kiddie stuff, that sounds more like organized crime hacking. that would require some kind of advanced emi interference.
3:53
hacking is boring.
i'll just avoid the device and do something less boring, thank you. problem solved. next.
3:58
the kvm switch isn't causing problems on the windows 98 machine. granted, there's no network connection on the 98 machine, but that's an absolute pre-requisite on the pi.
(yes, i have a windows 98 machine in my studio because it has a 16-bit soundcard with an onboard effects rack)
it also strikes me as somewhat odd that the thing gets hacked every time i plug it in, almost instantly. is it broadcasting? are they sitting there 24/7?
it seems like the pi is obviously being taken over remotely, but if there's something wrong with the cord, it could have a similar outcome. i could be assigning order to chaos. i don't think so, but i need to be thorough.
let me try the xp machine.
5:27
the way i have it set up right now is that the video is going through the kvm and the mouse and keyboard are separate through usb 2.0.
this isn't what i want; i want it all connected through the same mouse and keyboard.
5:28
am i done with the pi now, though?
tentatively.
if i'm not using the keyboard or mouse inputs, that's it. it's done.
5:31
yeah, i had some weird experiences with the xp machine last year, but it's not being remote controlled. again, the xp machine is air gapped, like all the pcs in here.
hrmmn.
is it the cable, then?
5:47
if i connect the keyboard and mouse directly to the pi through the cable, it functions properly.
oddly, the pi never reads the keyboard or mouse when you plug it in directly, you have to unplug and replug the mouse in and sometimes it doesn't read the keyboard at all. it makes you wonder if the channel is getting captured over the plug, but if it needs the kvm for the exploit.
*shrug*
i'm going to get some rest, and decide if i want to buy a new kvm or not in a few hours. clearly, this one is causing me some problems.
i don't want to figure it out and block it, i want to unplug it altogether and spend my time doing something more enjoyable. i have at the least tied the issue directly to the kvm and directly to the pi, or at least directly to the usb side of the ps/2<---->usb conversion.
6:29
aug 30, 2023
i intentionally slept all day today because i needed to catch up on it and then spent all night scraping off the consequences of the last week's worth of caked on makeup, including taking two showers. now, it's 3:00? time can sometimes evaporate, entirely.
whatever i'm experiencing with the pi, i'm learning that the adapter i purchased isn't the correct connection to use, in context:
The vast majority of commonly available ps2 to USB converters are simple passive ADAPTERS that simply change the plug shape to match the outlet. These ADAPTERS only function to connect the ps/2 wires to the approximate USB wires. Simple ps/2 to USB adapters do not use specific software drivers.
In general, most users having trouble connecting their keyboard to newer computers are looking for a ps/2 to USB signal CONVERTER. These devices use an integrated circuit (pre-programmed chip) to actively translate the ps/2 keyboard signal and convert it into a USB keyboard signal.
like most people, i just bought the adapter and didn't think further about it. in fact, i checked the amazon product page for the adapter i bought and there are a lot of complaints about it. i was able to find a converter with a lot of comments indicating that it works, including the exact combination of a kvm to drive a raspberry pi. i'm going to need to need to try this next before i convince myself i'm really being hacked.
the pi may eventually end up connected to the monitor i'm currently using to watch lectures when i eat instead of the recording room monitor, along with a newer amp. if the second adapter doesn't resolve the problem, i should consequently not replace this kvm, but continue to utilize the external mouse and keyboard, for now.
4:26
sept 2, 2023
did i sleep or clean on the 30th? i think i probably did a little of both, and then got some more bicycling in. i've been forced to deal with idiot drug addicts upstairs this weekend that won't fuck off and move out. they think they're gangsta, so i've been blaring the benny goodman and count basie. that's real gangsta. they seem not to like it, indicating that they're in truth fakers and poseurs. i think my converter is in on the 5th.
i don't remember what day i took this picture on, but this is a pragmatic place to leave the pi. also pictured is the usb hub and an old sansa mp3 player.
unfortunately, the pi cannot be put to sleep. what can be done instead is to decide on a collection of tabs and then instruct chromium to load the last session on restart. when you boot back into the pi, you can then re-open chromium to carry on the session, like you're waking the machine up. you could also run chromium in the autostart script, but i'd rather launch it myself.
i don't need that update.
the system is relatively responsive, for a phone, which is what this should be compared to. it's like installing linux on your samsung or nokia and sending it out to a monitor, except it also has a stereo-system quality sound card.
i listened to {e} this morning and it sounds correctly, finally. i think i realized it was a volume issue from the start, but i tried other things, regardless. i'm going to be be back to listening to my discography while exercising relatively soon, but i'm going to move forwards, this time.
i will be using the pi as a streaming device for exercising more than anything else, but it's also connected to the 4-way speaker system, meaning i can listen to it while in bed, typing. this is also a pretty intense system for sex, if i ever let any men down here, which i never do. i'm very picky about men, and tend to prefer to have sex somewhere other than where i sleep. it's true, though; this is a little sex pad down here at this point, and i'm becoming cognizant of it.
the cd player is still connected and i do still use it fairly regularly but the reality is that most music gets streamed nowadays. i was looking at hd streaming sites, and the truth is that the highest quality streams available are from youtube rather than any paid site. i'm consequently very likely to stick with the combination of youtube + bandcamp, rather than move to any sort of paid streaming platform, due to quality issues and due to royalties issues. in fact, i want to start buying more physical cds, again.
there is a record player in the other room, but it's not connected to anything, and i don't have any records any more. i used to have a collection of 70s jazz, prog and fusion records, but i haven't held on to them. there are some things - like mike oldfield, who is one of my biggest influences - that sound better on vinyl, but i generally prefer digital production to analog production. it's always frustrating to try to explain to pro-vinyl people that the reason they prefer the older technology is it technically sounds worse; their ears prefer the noise and the harmonic distortion to the cleaner digital signal. there isn't a correct answer in full generality; it depends on the recording.
14:34
the pi will be connected to the music review youtube account,
i will have access to the deathtokoalas blog from that account, and will be doing show and record reviews from the pi, as i correct the vandalism in the blogs and rewrite them from scratch in pdf format. note that this post continues to be vandalized, and the idiot doesn't understand or deosn't care that i'm just deleting it. they seem content to waste their time altering my writing, only to have me undo it.
15:28
i am assigning each account to a different device. the chromebook-tv in front of the couch is connected to the koala oversight committee account (which replaces the 90s pc, which can no longer connect to youtube), the linuxbook will be connected to the blogging and vlogging accounts (which replaces my fried hp laptop) and this chromebook will be connected to the music production accounts (which takes over that function from the now air gapped xp production machine, which also used to act as the streaming device, which is something this chromebook cannot do effectively).
i know this is a slow process and that i haven't been very productive while i've been doing it, but the reality is that i lost a substantive amount of my hardware a few years ago and that it's been a difficult and frustrating process in slowly replacing it.
15:33
sept 3, 2023
i'm caught up on this, now. i've been struggling with cleaning myself up this week, and it has taken up a lot of my time. my face is frustratingly dry; i've been struggling to sufficiently moisturize. i need to do some filing on the other machine before i move the mp3 drive over. the converter will hopefully be here on the 5th, which should clean up the space around the pi.
i can think of three further issues to consider:
1) if the pi is almost always on, can i install a security camera? can i use this with zoom?
2) can i lock the pi's screen?
3) i have been using chromebooks in guest mode for so log that i've forgotten about browser extensions. i should be able to go back to normal ad blocking in chromium, right?
let me get something to eat, first.
5:59
sept 5, 2023
the converter fixed the kvm issues. great.
13:20
sept 9, 2023
the converter package also came with some new exercise clothes so that i can start to more regularly wash my bra after working out, which is what this raspberry pi is primarily being used for.
before exercising:
and after three hours on the bicycle, looking a little rough until i can get in the shower:
my hair is growing. it's almost manageable, finally.
i was distracted this week by an update vlog, but intend to finish this in the next few hours.
14:37
sept 11, 2023
i had to spend the 4th and 5th waiting outside for deliveries, which put the exercise that was scheduled for the 5th off until the 6th. i then spent the 6th-8th working on an update vlog that will be finished soon, spoke to my doctor on the 7th, had a vicious migraine on the 8th that felt like i got drugged by something (it's possible i was.), tried to clean my skin off when i woke up (those migraines dehydrate me), exercised on the morning of the 9th and then spent the later part of the 9th and all of the 10th on the pi. i also have an unusual request by the court of appeal to file a document in a case i thought was closed. i'm currently stuck inside protecting my apartment because my duplex is being cased by the new property owners, who would like to lock me out if they could. every time it looks like it's getting better, it gets worse.
i have now answered the questions i posed previously:
1) i will wait to determine how to install a security camera. i'll need to install software and know it. it is not pressing to me right now, as i'm inside anyways.
2) an entry in the menu to lock the pi's screen can be entered by going to the menu editor and adding the following command:
command /usr/bin/dm-tool lock
3) ublock is pre-installed. i also added html5blocker because youtube is annoying, but i wish it didn't block playlists.
i would also suggest the following minor tweaks:
- as stated previously, continue where you left off in chromium. i would rather not have it load on boot up, but you can do that, too, to make it seem like it's waking up.
- there is a memory saver feature. use it, but also use the exceptions list. my exceptions list has the open blog posts at the deathtokoalas site, for now. i suspect that list will be rather static.
- you can tell chrome not to do things in the privacy section and you should.
i will do some filing on the mp3 drive before i do anything else on the typing pc, which just gained two usb 3.0 ports (i also bought a 3.0 hub, so i have lots more ports, now). however, i need to do some other things first, namely the court of appeal document and the update vlog.
5:13
sept 21, 2023
on second thought, i'm back at this. it's most of the way through september now and i'm just starting september today, unfortunately. i finished the document for the court of appeal last monday morning (the 11th), slept for a few hours, spent some time in the evening exercising on the bicycle, caught up on sleep on monday night, spent tuesday morning scraping dry skin off my face, wasted most of the day on tuesday waiting outside for an rx to show up due to the incompetence of the local shopper's, caught up on some more sleep on tuesday night, spent wednesday morning cleaning, showered on wednesday afternoon and spent wednesday evening and thursday morning cleaning up this document and copying data off the external mp3 drive, so i could move it to the pi. i did need to sleep on thursday morning and then spent thursday afternoon uploading the first part of the update vlog, while continuing to exfoliate. it's not entirely clear why, but i've had extremely dry skin over the last few weeks and exposure to the outside air seems to be making it substantively worse, which is the opposite of what is normally the case; usually, the increased level of humidity in the outside air has a positive impact on my skin. i wonder if it's due to the air quality around the house being so horribly degraded as a consequence of the drug habits of the upstairs tenants.
this is the pi shelf, after connecting the external drive and with the mp3 player plugged in charging. everything is taped in place, like a pedal board. i would like to replace the mp3 player with something that reads flacs, but nobody makes them as minis with decent dacs and most people today use their phones. i just bought a usb cd player from ali baba for $3.00 and that should allow me to rip cds to the external, moving forward.
i was initially intending to use the same 1 tb drive that i've been using as the audio drive for years, but i recently upgraded my video storage to a 5 tb drive, which leaves open a 2 tb drive that was previously used for video. i've consequently moved the 2 tb drive into place, instead, which should give me ample space for quite some time:
after thursday the 14th until today, i could not get to the point where i could sit down and finish anything, although i did start some things. i did some bicycling on thursday evening, published the rest of what is done of the update vlog on friday morning and think i spent the overnight cleaning and showering, as well as perhaps correcting vandalism made to this page. the weekend, until sunday night, was unfocused but i spent some time doing some of the following things.
- sorting through blog archives to build point form notes to finish the update vlog
- too much exfoliating
- purchasing a new vlog camera to finish the update vlog with:
this camera increases the potential quality of the recording, although i will likely continue to record in marginal quality, should allow me to transfer without removing the sd card and can also be charged via usb. it's still batteries, but it's a lot more convenient to be able to plug it in. otherwise, it's a similar low end vlog camera, which is all i need.
i would not expect new vlogs uploaded any time soon, but i want to get back to narrating my life on a more regular basis, for an eventual return to uploads.
- reorganizing the external drive from the pi to prepare it to be a storage device
the camera arrived at the front door on sunday afternoon and i remember going to grab it in my clean bra with branca playing. i think i then made some salad before i got on the exercise bicycle and listened to branca, a place to bury strangers and 65daysofstatic, which was an intentional break from the constellation records mix i'd been listening to. i then had some fruit and started writing an introduction to the deathtokoalas page:
i have not finished writing that post yet, but i have to finish writing this one. i haven't decided who i want to start with. i then copied the index page over to the front of the mp3 drive early on monday morning before falling asleep in my exercise clothes. i intentionally skipped a shower on sunday night and no doubt smelled badly for it because i was waiting for the dry skin on my face to turn over and wanted to allow myself to heal; after spending all day outside in makeup waiting for an rx near the start of september, my face was so dry the week previously that i couldn't use soap to wash it, i had to clean it with moisturizer to allow it to rehydrate.
23:26
sept 22, 2023
the next thing to do to finish setting up the pi was to determine what kind of audio player software i wanted to use and i didn't see any reason not to use the default vlc so i decided to test it by listening to my 6th and 7th records on flac and mp3, which i copied over from the other machine via usb key. i learned relatively quickly that vlc cannot decode complicated audio sources encoded via flac well and had to spend some time determining what other player i would be using instead.
on googling the question, i learned that a lot of people that are doing what i'm doing want to set up some kind of high-end multimedia system using peripherals like tablets, phones and remotes. i haven't seen a remote in so long it would be weird to me at this point but people still use them and i know it. i've actually never used netflix; do you change channels in netflix? you don't change channels on youtube. the most popular design is that you use the pi as a cpu to run the actual programs and then communicate with the pi through the peripherals via wifi and as a result need to use a custom built operating system to run all of the peripherals through the pi. this is user friendly in some sense once it's installed if you're used to using touchscreens on iphones and ipads, but i'm actually not and it's not what i wanted. frankly, these systems (like volumio or picoreplayer) look a lot to me like microsoft's media centre, which i thought everybody hated, or at least did until it was rebranded as itunes, right?
while these systems are labelled "audiophile", there doesn't seem to be any logic in it given the modular way that linux operates. they all use the same drivers and the same subsystem. what they have is different uis. so, what ui do i want?
the search feature in these music library programs is useful, but what i'm doing with my external drive is very much building my own front-end that would replace an itunes, a media centre or a volumio and i'm doing it via html. something that's changed since 2013 is that everything uses html5 now. i can probably embed the audio using the player i built for my liner notes, but i'm apprehensive about low quality decoders in chrome or html5.
rather, i wanted to find a standalone audio player like vlc that is in the pi repository and doesn't skip on playback and what i've downloaded for now is qmmp and audacious for testing. i'm still testing these but i'm currently enjoying the output from qmmp a lot and i'm still trying to determine if vlc is skipping due to vlc, as software, or if it's a subsystem issue that can be fixed by changing the driver path. i have now also installed smplayer because i've been using it on windows for years but it didn't initially appear in the repository. having playback options is preferable and that is something else that might be difficult on specialized "audiophile" oses.
monday evening was spent deciding on qmmp and audacious as alternatives to vlc. i also ordered some groceries to be delivered in the morning because i was out of eggs and went back to finishing the deathtokoalas front page post, until i had to accommodate an inspector around 10:00. i then slept for most of tuesday afternoon, before waking up in the evening and focusing again on finishing the post to the front-end of the deathtokoalas page. however, i then slept for most of wednesday morning and actually had some difficulty getting the day going, before getting on the bicycle in the afternoon, showering in the evening and then spending the overnight on legal work. i slept in too late on thursday and then spent thursday evening getting these ideas in order and finishing these posts.
1:49
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what this really proves is that it doesn't matter what you put in front of them, mps simply clap like trained seals.
19:27
i'd rather see the government make a legitimate attempt to restrict the number of sikhs it lets in the country.
europeans should realize that hindus are the closest thing that exists to our ancestral culture and be particularly welcome to them. hindus are of least concern to me; it's the monotheists that frighten me.
19:44
tuesday, september 26, 2023
i've recently purchased a raspberry pi to increase the sound quality of audio coming from the internet into my amp (the previous status quo was via the headphone out in my chromebook, which wasn't sending a loud enough signal to drive the amp correctly) and have now moved my external audio drive to the pi, which i then upgraded from the existing 1 tb drive to a 2 tb drive via redeploying the external drive that i had previously used to store vlog data (and which was no longer in use because i recently upgraded the external i use to store vlog data to a 5 tb drive), and which has subsequently converted the pi into the computer that will be used to transfer files to and charge my portable music player (since 2006, a sandisk usb key with no proprietary software) and consequently necessitated the addition of a usb 3.0 hub to the pi in order to increase the number of modern usb inputs into the mini pc. these components were taped in place to a wooden shelf like a pedal board and placed underneath a table.
however, the shelf was subsequently moved to underneath the neighbouring table in order to allow the geometry of the underlying daisy chain to make way for further peripherals, and also to reclaim the previous space for my voodoo labs power supply, for use with an actual pedal board.
the last usb 2 port was left open for a web cam, which i intended to utilize as a security camera; however, in the process of googling terms while typing this paragraph, i've subsequently decided against multitasking the pi in this way as an audio device and a camera. as i last left the house on june 7th, 2023 and it will likely be quite some time before i go out again because i don't trust my new landlords at all, this is not currently a pressing concern; i've functionally locked myself inside until they leave or pay me out. i've decided that i will want to connect the webcam to a different pi (a raspberry pi 1 b is most appropriate) or a different mini pc and that if i'm going to go through the process of building a pi as a web cam that i'll also want to record through multiple webcams simultaneously, which is in fact possible. as i have a case and an adapter, i should watch ebay for a cheap older pi and some throwaway usb cams.
what else is required in order to make this digital audio streaming station self-contained?
i have since decided that i am going to use the pi to resume my music web and cd review project, which functions as an idiosyncratic html front-end to organize and access my music collection on my external drive, much as the various media centre or itunes derived music library programs would. certainly, my html frontend exists instead of itunes or, more frequently on the pi, a program similar to volumio or rune. i'm currently using qmmp, audacious, vlc and smplayer for audio playback, which mimics the standard winamp-foobar-vlc-smplayer setup i use on my various windows machines. i will likely hardcode a series of links to playlist files in the html documents, but i would also like to consider ways to embed the files into the documents and may consider using a different programming medium if i can't find a useful api. i like html because it's light and text based but there may be comparably light options if i can't find a software audio player with a pre-existing plugin that integrates into html5 seamlessly. i think the raspbian os mostly uses python. i don't use it, but i do have a programming degree and this really isn't that difficult of a problem to solve, so long as it is actually properly understood first.
i am not going to be uploading this to the internet any time soon; rather, this is going to a project that exists locally as a front-end for my personal music collection on the external drive. the internet is a substantively different entity today than it used to be. back when the internet was a smaller and less populated place, it may have made some sense to have something like a cd review site on the internet because you might have wanted people to find it and interact with it and know who you were and get to know you; today, unfortunately, the internet has become an overcrowded place full of asshole fuckfaces and not only do you not expect that many people are looking for you but you don't want the people that are looking for you to find you, because they might do something crazy like buy your fucking house and try to fucking fuck you. i'd rather keep this to myself, for now. i may in the end want to do something like publish the reviews by collecting them in pdf booklets, organized by substantive artists that have complete discographies - jessica's guide to david bowie, for example.
the last thing that i can think of for right now that is required to resume the music review project is a way to rip cds to flac via the pi so that they can be saved directly to the external drive. i've now purchased a usb 3.0 cd/dvd drive in order to carry out this function that will also be taped to the board like a pedal and will need to ascertain what the best software package for linux is to carry out this task.
after months if not years of searching for the right replacement gadget, i've also finally purchased a new portable audio player. what i've been looking for and waiting for for years is either a firmware update for my sandisk that allows it to play flac files or a replacement item that is almost exactly the same thing but newer and better, in the sense that it has more space and plays lossless audio. the sandisk only has 2 gb of internal memory and a few hours of running time, but it is otherwise exactly what i want, and i don't want to replace it with something with proprietary software or something with weird cables and whatnot. unfortunately, the device is now 18 years old and doesn't hold a charge as well as it used to, which isn't to say it doesn't hold a charge at all. the buttons are starting to go. the firmware is flaky. i can still get 2 hours out of it and it still works, but it is simply getting to end of life and that's all there is to it.
there will not be a firmware update to allow the device to play flac, unfortunately. nor had i been successful in finding the device i was looking for at a price i was willing to pay, until tonight. this is what i want and what i bought, despite it being twice what i wanted to pay for it:
the reason i paid for it tonight is that i recently learned that apple discontinued the ipod about a year ago, which was a strong signal to me that the . i was waiting for the idea of a usb key that runs flac to come down in price due to increased availability, but learning about the discontinuation of the ipod suggested to me that the opposite thing was happening, namely that the technology was dying and that i'd better get it immediately. $50 after customs and shipping is not terrible, really; maybe i was demanding an unrealistic bargain, although i should note i have to import this device. yeah. i was also lucky to actually find the item i wanted in stock. agptek also makes a similar device, but i could never find it anywhere for less than $100; the pecsu device that i bought was always out of stock, until tonight. there are generic chinese devices that purport to play flac at walmart, but they're actually far more expensive. unfortunately, this player doesn't have a lock button on it, but the days in which i'm going to be able to find anything like this at all are numbered. i found it in stock at a price that's not terrible and i went for it.
this is going to be one of the last posts here for a long time, but i am posting it here now because i'm currently archiving posts here from the last several months and this post will soon be moved to the raspberry pi setup instructions pdf, which will live in the pi's usb key. all of my computers now have dedicated usb keys as install and backup drives. i've been working on a 50 page how-to pdf document for much of the last month.
14:30
friday, sept 29, 2023
it's not clear to me what the purpose of a holiday to celebrate "reconciliation" with indigenous groups is.
i don't think they want a holiday. i think they want reparations. like, what am i supposed to do today? go to church and pray for forgiveness? it was the church that was the cause of the oppression.
the reconciliation process is in truth just the latest colonial mind trick. it's empty language to gloss over assimilation policies intended to christianize the savages, which is what canada has such a long history of. i took a third year university course in indigenous law in 2012 and did a history project on the indian act and what i learned was that the history is really about shifting fancy language intended to hide a static history of assimilationist policies that don't change and remain what they were 200 years ago. it's a reminder that 1984 is really about the past and not about the future.
substantive reparations are not about declaring national holidays, although i do hope that those that actually take this absurdity seriously take a moment to reflect on the issue of substance abuse in the indigenous population, as you take this holiday as your latest excuse to get drunk at 2:00 pm.
13:47
jello was right - feinstein really did die in office. i think it was in about 1995 that he was telling people that california would never get rid of her.
at least she's finally gone.
13:53
today's the day where we celebrate indigenous culture and pretend to be a real indian by getting shit-faced drunk by noon.
right?
14:03
saturday, september 30, 2023
i am attracted to straight men the most, to femme women mildly and not to gay men at all. lastly, i am utterly revolted by butch women.
i'm sorry, it's just wrong; i have no remote interest in gay men. at all. i never have.
i've had sex with men that thought i had a vagina until they got their hands in there. i've never had sex with men that thought i had a penis, nor has the issue ever really come up. gay men are not attracted to me, either. i don't find myself avoiding gay men because they don't hit on me. the feeling is really pretty mutual.
the fact that i'm not attracted to gay men aside, i acknowledge that not all gay men have gay personalities. i don't like men that are macho, men that are conceited, men that are dominant, men that are narcissistic, etc; i also don't like men that are faggy in the stereotypical sense. not all gay men are like that. ok. i'm certainly not like that. yet, the basic problem is that i'm 100% sub and 0% dom. there is no possibility at all that i'm ever going to fuck a man, for the same reason that i'm never going to fuck a woman. i simply have no desire to fuck at all; my fantasies are 100% about getting fucked. for that reason, it really only makes sense for me to have sex with straight men. i'm not sexually compatible with gay men because i have no interest in performing as a man at all.
it's kind of a dumb consideration, because i cannot maintain an erection long enough to have sex with a man, anyways. i'm about as trans as you can fucking get.
these dipshit rad fem dykes are going to have to deal with it.
6:05