as mentioned: as far as i can tell, she kind of 'gave up' on me after i told her i was back on hormones, which seems to mean something relatively romantic - she decided i wasn't going to be a father figure, or i wasn't going to be an income source, or i wasn't going to be some abstraction of a provider.

but, it was absurd for her to have thought that, because i had made it clear to her that i was never going to be that person, as early as 2002.

i guess i didn't really believe that she actually had those delusions, so it was just a kind of kneejerk reaction, and she'd get over it. and, that makes perfect sense from my perspective - we'd been friends a long time, we'd been through a lot, and she was just mad at me, and she'd get over it.

but, the only rational way to understand the situation is that she must have actually believed i was going to end up as a provider at some point, so that the realization that i never was going to must have eliminated some use value i had for her - otherwise, why would she have bothered to talk to me and invite me over for all those years, and why was she so upset about the final conclusion?

what i'm getting at is that she wasn't over me - otherwise, my gender identity wouldn't have mattered to her.