it should be blatantly obvious why muslim groups target the queer pride festival and seek to shut it down.

how are so many people so absurdly naive?

i don't identify as queer. i'm a heterosexual transgendered female. i don't have gay friends, and broadly don't like gay people.

however, it seems to me that if the queer pride movement is going to be discussing palestine at all, it ought to be drawing attention to the criminality of homosexuality in palestine. this is not a hamas thing, it's just as illegal to be gay in the west bank as it is in the gaza strip.

and people get severely punished for it. one of the punishments for "sodomy" in islamic law is being thrown off a building. it does happen.

i'm just constantly baffled by the ignorance. these people apparently don't even know that islamic law criminalizes homosexual behaviour. it's not even doublethink. it's just rank lack of understanding.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBTQ_rights_in_Palestine

https://nationalpost.com/news/a-dark-day-for-the-lgbtq-movement-montreal-pride-parade-organizers-bar-jewish-groups-from-march

if canada puts retaliatory tariffs on auto parts and construction materials (like steel and aluminum), it's just making a bad situation worse. it's dumb.

export taxes are a far better idea, to raise revenue.

i just ate the rest of the peanut butter and the rest of the white bread, in four slices, total.

the headache started a few hours ago, which i suspect means it's mostly run it's course.

i don't know what they imagine they're doing, but what they're actually doing is making me miserable and sick.

i avoided eating last night and tried to sleep it off today and it didn't make much of a difference. i've been defecating in small amounts all day and that has made a difference.

i must be breathing something in.

i will get tested soon. i just wanted to see if not eating made any difference over the course of a day, and it didn't.

this will wear off like all of the other times, but i need to get to the blood lab at the right time to get it.

it strikes me as more likely that epstein may have been killed, but motives may not be what is obvious to most.

https://globalnews.ca/news/11311278/jeffrey-epstein-jail-video-cbs-news-investigation/

you know who is going to love this is the chinese.

i'm pretty well read in history, and europe has had some crazy dictators, but the idea of firing the statistician is outside of the realm of what you expect from corrupt european despots and is rather very chinese.

https://www.cnn.com/business/live-news/trade-deadline-tariffs-trump-deals

i want to propose that canadians should revolt against these counter-tariffs and refuse to pay them.

throw the counter-tariffs in the bay of fundy. this is bullshit.

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c1w8jq88xzlo

i don't want to call it a priapasm, because it didn't quite work. in a binary, limp v erect, i was still limp. it never got air. but it lasted 15 hours, it made me exhausted and depressed and i was just unlimp enough and experiencing other symptoms enough to know it was chemical.

this is apparently a side effect of crack-cocaine use and may actually suggest i was breathing in second-hand crack cocaine from my neighbours. 

let me see how i feel over the next few hours.

this was a difficult day. the severely mentally ill religious freaks drugged me again. i was forced to sleep it off.

i have blood req #2 ready to go and i'll be out to get tested fairly soon. at least the headaches have stopped. what can i do but keep at it? as has been the case previously, the symptoms lifted when i defecated tonight, and seem to have been prolonged by the change in weather making me a little more constipated. i mean, it's nothing clinical, it's just a little slower; that seems to consistently be the factor. as soon as i shit it out, it's gone. it's almost as though somebody is sticking some kind of dissolving steroid in my ass, and the faster i shit it out, the less bad it is. what i need to do is actually catch it in the system or on the way out. i need to be able to say "look, somebody put these drugs in my body, here's proof", and then get to figuring out how they did it.

when the temperature came down last night, i decided to take a shower to wash my hair, with the plan to dye it today, but that's going to need to be put off again for a few more days. i microwaved a large piece of that frozen kfc chicken (it may have been a bucket put in a freezer bag) to eat with my meds, to start. i didn't get out of the shower until later, and didn't sit down to eat until 6:00. i fell asleep around 7:00, and they woke me up around 8:00.

it was different this time. when they have drugged me previously, they succeeded in making me erect for roughly five seconds before it dissipated. i am concluding that they drugged me with steroids on these occasions, as i am castrated and take t-blockers. this is an impossible event, unless somebody gave me enough steroids to overpower the t-blockers, at least for an hour, and replace the testosterone i can no longer produce on my own. these erections have been very short and very painful, but they have been actual erections. they've been a rush of hormones that instantly caves and have no stimulus and are not reflective of arousal or in any way sexual in nature. they really just last a few seconds and dissipate very fast, within ten seconds. a unpleasant and at times painful sensation will follow for a few hours, but i do not expect that these short experiences, as unpleasant as they are, would in any way suggest i'd be able to become erect on arousal (i voluntarily castrated myself. i don't want that to happen.), even for those five seconds. even after these events, i remained fully impotent and completely limp upon conscious awakeness, which is what i want.

what happened this morning was the opposite. i woke up around 8:00 to the need to urinate, completely limp, as i should be. there was no sign of drugging at the time. it was while i was urinating that i started to become erect and when i went back to bed that i realized something was off. this was the kind of 60% limp "erection" that you expect an impotent person to have. it never got air, but it started. i was not interested, and would never be interested, i was just tired and wanted to go back to sleep. i might have even ignored it, if it wasn't for that burning sensation. it hurt.

i ended up sitting in the shower for another hour, tried to sleep again for a few more hours, went back to sleep until around 14:00, woke up and took another shower, ate some pb & jam open bread slices and went back to sleep around 18:00. i woke up around midnight, still 30% erect and 60% limp, still no air, still disinterested. as mentioned, it was when i defecated that it passed. i feel better now.

this doesn't seem like it was steroids. it seems like somebody tried to drug me with viagra, and it wasn't enough to actually work. it was just enough to make me tired and depressed. 

food seems like a more obvious source than getting injected in my ass, even if the latter is where all of the evidence is, but that doesn't make sense to me. was something sitting in my large intestine and being absorbed, until i pushed it out? i didn't get a good look and maybe should have, but it was very much a beets poop. a beet is an ingredient in the pasta, in the guac and the quinoa, so i've been eating one beet every day for weeks. they're high in betaine, iron and b9.  i make an attempt to get a lot of betaine.

if they drugged my food, it's probably the hot sauce, and i need to catch it in the blood results, so i need to keep eating it. if they put something in my ass, i sent them an email threatening to withhold rent if it happens again.

i'm toying with the best response. do i get tested right away? if they drugged my ass, i should, but i'm having difficulty figuring out when. there was an even a few days ago where i woke up feeling swabbed, but it was humid out. if they put it in my food, it's going to get worse and i should wait until it peaks.

i need to think it through a bit over the next few hours.

i cooked the bison in a frying pan with olive oil, paprika, oregano, cayenne and cumin. the spices increased the weight back to 50 g. what i did, and what i'm going to do, is eat the 50 g of bison (raw) with a small 30 gram ish  piece of kfc chicken, and not double up like i said before.

- june 16th: doubled up salsa with chick peas, cheese, spices and vitamins.

- june 17th: onion soup bacon poutine

- june 18th: basic doritos nachos and french onon soup with bacon

- june 19th: doubled up salsa reprise

- june 20th: caesar salad without subs

- june 21st: 2nd onion soup poutine with onion soup and last chance salad

- june 22rd: 3rd onion soup poutine with onion soup with beets

- june 23rd: caesar salad without subs

- june 24th: caesar salad without subs

- june 25th: bacon and eggs without subs, no salsa

- june 26th: bacon and eggs without subs, no salsa

- june 27th: ad hoc pad thai

- june 28th: broccoli soup

- june 29th: fridge-clearing meal (oranges & garlic bread)

- june 30th: kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 1st:    kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 2nd:  kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 3rd:  10 packages of instant oatmeal, in 5 installments. spaghetti-os + spices & vitamins (cumin, cayenne, pepper, oregano, paprika, sunflower seed, hemp seed, nutritional yeast, frank's).

- july 4th:  a can of stew and a can of corn, plus spices & vitamins.

- july 5th: a package of jasmine rice i had put aside as a quinoa sub (it probably isn't), with a can of peas and a can of tomato soup, plus spices and vitamins.

- july 6th: a can of beans cooked in a can of vegetable soup, plus spices and vitamins.

- july 7th:  two cans of chicken noodle soup, plus spices and vitamins. tim's xl double-double coffee in morning. two builders protein mini bars in evening. 7-11 coffee with jalapeno taquito late at night.

- july 8th: food bank junk food eat through - two bags of "real vegetable chips" (one big, one small), a bag of goldfish crackers, one mini crispy crunch, some strawberry licorice, prime energy drink, two tim horton's donuts, little ceasar's pepperoni pizza with unlabelled chocolate milk product.

- july 9th: another prime energy drink with another unlabelled chocolate milk product, unlabelled food bank ginger bread (two loaves)

- july 10th: pasta with minor subs (1), third energy drink, sour cream n cheddar chips

- july 11th: sour cream 'n' bacon, sour cream 'n' onion chips

- july 12th: more licorice, pasta with minor subs (2)

- july 13th: jalapeno cheddar chips, pasta with minor subs (3)

- july 14th: 10 baby cookies, pasta with minor subs (4)

- july 15th: i ate most of the 14th pasta on the 15th and followed it with the remaining baby cookies (which are actually french butter cookies, not baby cookies. they look like baby cookies). i did not make pasta for the 15th.

- july 16th:.  pasta with minor subs (5)

- july 17th:  pasta with minor subs (6)

- july 18th (on the 19th):  pasta with minor subs (7)

- july 19th (on the 20th): cereal (one bowl of vector and all bran with paprika, flax, nutritional yeast, hemp seeds and soy, as per my normal diet and one bowl of instant oatmeal with a little real milk and an apple)

- july 20th (on the 21st): pasta with minor subs (8)

- july 21st (on the 22nd): pasta with minor subs (9)

- july 22nd: cereal day 2 in cycle 2 (final cycle 2 cereal day): one bowl of vector and all bran with paprika, flax, nutritional yeast, hemp seeds and soy, as per my normal diet and one bowl of instant oatmeal with a little real milk and two apples, one in the oatmeal and one standalone.

- july 23rd: cereal day 1 in cycle 3

- july 24: pasta with minor subs (10)

- july 25: cereal day 2 in cycle 3, same as 22 and 23, with the addition of 6 mini apple sauce containers.

- july 26: pasta with minor subs (11)

- july 27th - guac with white rice and canned corn. two pieces of white broad with plum better.

- july 28th: pasta with minor subs (12)

- july 29th: guac with white rice and canned corn. two pieces of white toast with olive oil margarine, and then two pieces of white bread with plum butter after. four more pieces of white bread, with plum butter and strawberry jam. 

- july 30th: pasta with minor subs (13), including fried chicken for salami.

- july 31st: a larger piece of fried chicken alone. pasta with minor subs (14), including a mix of buffalo and chicken for salami. six pieces of white bread for peanut butter and strawberry jam.

- aug 1st: will be quinoa with minor subs and some small adds.