ok, i think i need to take a step back.

the intelligence industry is not a leviathan, and "the establishment" is not of a monolithic mind. we tend to get these notions in our heads that the elite operates in lock step. if it did, we wouldn't have wars.

i pointed out several months ago that there appears to be a part of the security establishment, specifically, that wants clinton barred from office. i don't think that this insight has proven wrong so much as that it seems that hillary is actually outflanking them. i understand that the security agencies are blaming things on russia, but these are exactly the same networks that seem like they're in control.

let's try a thought experiment.

suppose that you're deep state and you want to leak documents to julian assange to make hillary clinton look bad. assange doesn't need to know where he's getting the documents from. is there a non-zero probability that you wouldn't blame it on russia? i mean, all the other bad guys are gone, except that dipshit in north korea that nobody is going to believe can even spell his own name.

so, if you're trying to take her down from the inside, that's exactly what you do: you leak the documents and you blame it on russia.

the reason i've been avoiding this topic is not that the scenario is unclear so much as that it hasn't mattered. and, one could easily make the case that re-opening the email case isn't going to matter, either, because it's not an issue of much importance to anybody except the most extreme elements within the republican party - elements she was never going to reach, even if she's at least as good a candidate by their own metrics. i'd accept the argument, still.

however...

i'm a little uncomfortable about the way some of the polling is being manipulated. the abc tracking poll is particularly outrageous to me - this data is obviously being squeezed. why? well, ratings looks like a good reason. but, what if it's designed to provide evidence for a trump come back?

abc has very strong historical links to the security establishment that seems to be active in the election.

they have been accused, repeatedly, of acting as the propaganda arm of the security establishment.

something else that i pointed out at the time was that there may be some legitimate justification for this kind of deep state security interference. educated opinion on the topic does seem to be that there's a high chance that her foreign policy is essentially for sale. the emails and the benghazi thing may be largely frivolous, but that is a legitimate national security issue: the idea that she's for sale. if you're deep state, you likely know the answer with a higher degree of certainty. and, what if the details are bad enough that it's actually tripped us into a war game, a contingency plan?

i know this sounds outlandish. but, you need to adjust your mental goal posts. it really isn't.

what i'm getting at is that the idea of a rigged election to ensure the establishment candidate wins is perhaps not so absurd. it is basically what happened in 2000. but, maybe we should be more careful in determining what the establishment - the real establishment - actually is, and who their preferred candidate is.

however this works, it is absolutely clear that clinton has serious enemies in the deep state and that if the election is allowed to happen fairly then she's going to be spending her entire term fighting them.

clinton can't rig the election by herself. the security establishment can. and, i think it's clear that they're backing trump.

just keep this in mind: if trump ends up as president, it's not some accident. it's not some victory of the unwashed & ignorant. it's what the bastards actually want.

you don't defeat the establishment. especially not if you're donald fucking trump.

and, if you're one of these idiots that thinks otherwise, just remember: he only got there because he made a deal.

"nobody knows more about corruption than me, folks."

you could get donald trump to literally fuck himself in the ass if you dangle a dollar in front of him. you can't even get hillary clinton to drink a glass of water. who's going to be easier to control? the woman that thinks she's the second coming? or the guy that couldn't find benghazi on a map?

i'm not saying this is clear, yet. i'm saying it looks like it. i don't see any evidence that the polling has shifted - i think she's still ahead 9-10 points. in the end, that might not mean anything.

the surviving uncle
Been wondering how you're dealing with all that fucking humidity. Do you like Windsor? Seems to me, there must be all kinds of shit happening right across the border.Music, hockey, other things... It's been awhile so I'm gonna throw in a few things. What did you think of the Subban/Weber trade? Ever heard this? What do you think? Hear it through, it gets interesting.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdQTYN05wqs

jessica
i actually love the humidity. i'd be happiest in malaysia or something - except that i have somewhat of an irrational fear of large cats, so i'd be constantly on the lookout for tigers.

what's pissing me off is that the guy upstairs wants the building bone dry and 15 degrees. he turned the air on in march and hasn't turned it off yet...

....so i actually had the windows open to let the humidity in and the heat set to 33 degrees all summer. and it was still cold in here, sometimes.

i would suppose that living in windsor is probably not a lot different than living in hull, except that detroit is a lot bigger than ottawa. it's dirt cheap. the small downtown core is nice, but the rest of it is falling apart, until you get out to the suburbs. there's lots of drunks. they smoke in church. i actually haven't been in a church
here, but indoor smoking is pretty standard...

i have been paying absolutely no attention to any sports at all whatsoever. that's the first i've heard of subban getting traded. but, my immediate impression would be that, from what i remember, weber always looked better on paper.

the music scene in windsor is actually fairly lively, but it's completely outside of my spectrum. i did not know before moving down here that windsor is a very active place for heavy metal. it's actually a bit annoying because the kinds of smaller, house party punk shows i would have gone to in ottawa are metal shows here; i have essentially no interest in the music scene here, as a result of it. i can get out to a few math rock shows, but they're infrequent.

detroit is actually not a lot better. the way that detroit has deindustrialized has turned it into a collection of loosely connected small towns, rather than an integrated metropolis. imagine the gta, without toronto. the result is a whole bunch of very small music scenes, none of which are of much note.

they get touring bands in, though. sort of. some of them won't even come into town, they make you transit out. i'm still getting to know the area, and floating around from place to place to see this or that band has actually really helped me do it.

i've always found the neo-prog thing to have lost the plot somewhere. it just doesn't have the excitement of novelty, and instead loses itself in this kind of bland product replication. but, you also have to understand that i grew up in the 90s, not the 70s. so, i see that stuff in a historical context. some of those records - not all of them - are legitimate works of art. when i pick up a crimson or floyd record or something, i'm not connecting with a memory or a point of  identity so much as i'm understanding a relic of the culture i exist in. listening to 70s prog isn't a lot different, to me, than listening to debussy or beethoven or something - and i mean that fully experientially. so, what is the point of reliving neo-prog to somebody that didn't live through it in the first place?

i'm usually going to want to get something at the source. but, my own logic kind of breaks down with a couple of types of punk rock. i'll listen to sonic youth knock-off artists by the bucketful, without enforcing any kind of artistic integrity on them because i just like the head cave. so, i get what you're coming from. i'm just very much attached to a different era.

i've taken to vlogging recently, which is the same thing as blogging except with a video camera. which basically means i'm running a video journal. so, i actually have quite a bit of footage built up of
concerts i've seen in detroit. it's up here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DH9y-_dCwf0&list=PLrHImg7oLm2aBNQYDAsBZrz0eVnScD5yT

it's not completely comprehensive, but it's actually pretty close. i'm not sure how much of it you'll like but it's there...

life is otherwise actually pretty good. i'm focusing on finishing my own body of compositions, and while i got a little side tracked the last year or so i do think i'm back on track.

j

nana wants me to call her...

jessica
i'm going to.

but, i'm going to be calling her from a pay phone outside of a 7/11. i just never got a phone. i don't need one....

i'm a little apprehensive. are you aware of any reasons why nana would want me to call her? and am i better off getting them in an email than outside a 7/11?

i'm still vlogging daily adventures, however exciting or trivial:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCinQSeEtF0vSN1XVhQGfwKA

sister
why don't you use gmail to call? that's how i do it. i don't have a phone either.

at its most simple, i can only think that she wants to talk with you. i'm not aware of any kind of 'situation' having occurred that might be relevant.

i hope all is well. let me know if you'd like to remain in contact otherwise. we are still in montreal.

(pause)

in a freak coincidence, i clicked on a random video and you are talking about mri results?

i have this in my anterior left lobe:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arteriovenous_malformation

after numerous scans, etc., i was told that they don't usually find something like this unless an autopsy is requested/performed (as a result of an unexplained death due to a brain related incident).

anyway, the more you know.

jessica
the last time i checked, that didn't work in canada. maybe it does now.

my vascular loop is behind my ear. i'm getting the hemi-facial spasms and the vertigo. there's some hearing loss. i had a period of aphasia last year that they told me was a common migraine side effect. except that i don't really have a history of migraines.

i managed to catch myself on camera sputtering out:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgNetAISshM

it's after a long rant about the wisconsin primaries..and i'll warn you that it's pretty disturbing.

(although i didn't mention in the video that somebody gave me a handful of marinols of unknown dose at the son lux show the night before and i hadn't slept much in several days)

i don't how related this all is. the doctor wanted to check for a tumor, but i didn't think that was right. it's hard for me to explain what it feels like, other than that something in there is crooked - as though i feel off a bike and it never healed right or something. i was thinking i had a pinched nerve or a dislocation or even a bone fragment. the vascular loop is sort of like a pinched nerve, actually - what they're saying is that a specific nerve is tangled up with some blood vessels behind my cochlea.

i'm actually going this afternoon to talk to an ear doctor about a broader understanding and some tactics. my understanding is that there may be a surgical procedure to untangle the vein from the nerve. i can deal with a little bit of a facial spasm, but i want to save my hearing! i'm not done with recording yet...

and, you basically have the same thing. i guess that's a strong argument for genetics, especially considering what happened to dad. when they scanned you, did they inject you with gadolinium? because i refused this. i just don't have symptoms of cancer, and it's been bothering me for years. i'm wondering, now, if maybe i should request a deeper scan.

i sent you the email because my immediate thought is that it has something to do with mom. i would think, otherwise, that if nana wanted to talk to me, she'd ask mom to send me something over facebook. well, i'm going to call her soon...

sister
if gadolinium is the stuff that makes you feel like you peed your pants, then yes. fucking weird. i had multiple mri scans as well as a full cat.

they told me what i have is basically a clump of veins that doesn't drain properly, resulting in an intense feeling of pressure at the base of my head where it meets my neck. i, however, DO have a history of migraines, although i strongly believe them to have been hormone and diet related, as i have not experience one in a very long time.

do you also have pressure or discomfort in your sinuses or anything? that's all related in there. you may recall that i had my tonsils removed at the age of 27 (apparently THE MOST painful adult surgery), due to extreme inflammation. it definitely had effected my hearing, though i was not aware of any quantifiable difference until after they had been removed.

anyway, keep me posted, i'm interested to hear what they have to say (pardon the pun).

jessica
i'm actually going to get the sinus thing clarified today. it said something like "mild sinusitis". which i'm interpreting as meaning i had a cold..

i sneeze a lot. i tell people i'm allergic to nitrogen (and i'll probably marry the first person that actually gets the joke, rather than asks me what season that allergy is in). it's never bothered me enough to really figure out.

but they did pull something out on the scan.

gadolinium is a radioactive isotope designed to make bumps in the scan glow a little. one of the things i wanted tested for was ms lesions. it just struck me as an insane to inject me with a radioactive isotope of an earth metal when i had no real symptoms of cancer. but, it's apparently standard.

if they injected you with something, it was probably that.

the reason i'm asking is that the scans say the brain is "grossly normal", which *actually* means they can't see anything but can't rule out that a deeper scan would find something. i was happy with that until an hour ago... 

sister
i was never asked whether i wanted it or not, it was simply a part of the procedure so far as i understood. if my neurologist considered it necessary, i didn't really think to reflect on it first.

ground control to major tom.

also, in case you were not informed at some point, you have a niece. 

jessica
yeah. i'm not letting anybody inject me with anything until i figure out what it is first. it's a low probability concern, and probably at least as safe as a vaccine, but there are some potential neurogenerative side effects and what i think is a pretty high certainty that it's going to linger in your fatty tissues. what they're doing is basically injecting you with something that is completely foreign to your system (it's a specific isotope of an *earth metal*) and then assuming that your liver and pancreas can flush it out of your system. but, not only do i think that assumption is sketchy, i even think it's kind of obviously wrong. you could think of mercury as a comparison. small amounts of mercury that you ingest will stay in your body for years and years. in fact, if you ingest mercury, you're probably ingesting it from an animal that ingested it - and it got stuck in that animal's tissue, then isn't going to break down in your stomach and will instead get stuck in your tissue. and, sure enough, if you do a little research online, you'll see that there is evidence that that's exactly what's happening with gadolinium. so, you may be walking around now with some glowing earth metal build-up in your fatty tissue....

but, i mean, nothing's completely safe, right. i just saw it as a question of risk management. if i thought i had an advanced stage of cancer or something, a little bit of gadolinium in my fatty tissue would be a minor concern - and the small risk of a reaction would be reasonable to take. as it is, i saw no good reason to gamble on it.

it's the kind of thing that your doctor didn't design. the radiology department knows how to operate the machine and read the scan. the "contrast agent" is coming to you from a chemical company - like bayer or dow. and, these have historically been pretty disinterested in anything but maximizing profit. bayer ran the fucking gas chambers in nazi germany. and, google "bhopal incident" if you're not aware of it. so, i'm not saying not to trust your doctor. but, i am saying that you might want to think twice about trusting the corporations that are manufacturing the technology that the doctor is using, under the realization that your doctor is not a chemist or a technologist and probably doesn't know much more about how it actually works than you do.

i went down a winding path to end up at the doctor today. my gp initially wanted to send me to a neurologist, but i insisted on ruling out an ear infection before i jumped to something more complex. i didn't have an ear infection, but i remained convinced that there was something fundamentally wrong with my ear so the ear doctor suggested i do a hearing test to see if they could infer something, and it did come back with some hearing loss that she deduced must be due to pressure behind the ear. so, i went for the initial scan to check for a tumour. i was always skeptical about this but i thought the scan may pick something else up. the initial scan was inconclusive, so they wanted me to come back for a second one with the gadolinium; i did the second scan, but without the gadolinium. this is where they picked up the vascular loop, which i should point out is a controversial cause of the symptoms i'm experiencing (but which *is* associated, however weakly, with essentially all of them).

what the ent told me today was that because the vascular loop is behind the cochlea, it's out of her expertise and i need to see a neurologist. i'll need to see the gp again in early november.

sounds like a waste of time, but i actually think it worked out the way i wanted it to because now i can go in to the neurologist with some specific information about my ear and with ear related issues ruled out. i think being thorough is more important than playing probabilities.

sister
i care so little about the majority of the medical profession at this point that none of us have a doctor. if there is an emergency situation, i will deal with it then, instead of having 'regular checkups' with someone burnt out, not necessarily relevant, and barely in re/cognition of myself or my family.

my tests were done almost 10 years ago. i know the thing is there, but i would never have a surgery to deal with it, so it is what it is. i'm not aware of any hearing loss, though i do feel some pressure in my head still sometimes.

you can also tell the neurologist that your sister has an AVM, and your father was afflicted with a GBM. that will more than likely affect the way you are perceived and potentially diagnosed if there is any deeper or further cause.

as for the test, are you really so concerned about the metal in your system? i mean, you smoked for over a decade...just saying. 

jessica
but, i also quit smoking. mostly. habitually. i'm still smoking a little bit. like i say: it's risk management. but i think that maybe the disconnect is in realizing that we're talking about metal poisoning. if somebody told you they were going to crush a metallic rock up into a powder and inject it into your veins, you'd probably want to think about that; if the doctor just says "hold still, this is going to hurt for a second", it just never registers. 

sister
you call yet? 

jessica
yeah, i just got off the phone with her over google voice. an hour and a half. typical nana. but there was no issue, she just wanted to talk...

i have a voip mailbox that costs me a buck a month, which is useful for doctors and government agencies and stuff, and i've just been using a payphone for years to make outgoing calls when i have to. google voice is actually what i wanted to do when i moved down here, but it wasn't available here at the time. so, this is useful to know.

i will eventually get a used android phone and connect it to voip. for now, this is going to save me from standing outside and dropping coins on answering machines.

sister
do you want me to add you to my 'updates email' list? once a month or so, i send an email to a bunch of folks with pics of the kids, etc.

jessica
not really, no.

hillary is at best a teenager. but, trump is a screaming toddler.

www.cbc.ca/news/world/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-ohio-voters-1.3801038

finalizing inri015

it took eighteen years and multiple attempts at a construction, but this record is finally permanently completed as an instrumental electronic work and i am finally proud to refer to it as my first record.

while most of these songs have defined concepts underlying them, i have ejected these concepts from the final recording and left them in a series of singles. i would prefer that this album be understood solely as the instrumental recording of electronic music that i am presenting it as.

written and demoed in multiple stages from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in june, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reconstructed and resequenced jan 6-10, 2016 from parts that were rebuilt over 2013-2016. audio permanently closed on aug 10, 2016. finalized on oct 10, 2016. this is my first official record; as always, please use headphones.

the original, unaltered files are also available (along with the original 1998 cd sequence, the failed 2013 remasters and the final reconstructions - all in flac) as 112 kbps mp3s, as i found them, on inriℵ0:
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri-box-set

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1996, 1997, 1998, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016).
credits
released June 20, 1998

j - guitars, effects, bass, synthesizers, drum programming, orchestral & other sequencing, sampling, vocal relics, cool edit synthesis, windows 95 sound recorder, production, found sounds, strategies, soundraider, hammerhead, sound design, metronome, digital wave editing, production

the rendered electronic orchestra includes piano, organ, electric guitar, orchestra hit, pizzicato strings, synth pads, violin, viola, cello, contrabass, electric bass, sitar, tubular bells, tinkle bells, synthesizer effects and flute.

finalizing inri014

i'm moving slower than i'd like, but here's the first one, anyways:

--

this single was created by running tracks 9,10 and 11 on the cd together; it was never meant to be a unified track. 9 and 11 are proper tracks, whereas 10 is an experimental segue directly into 11. the process of compiling singles kind of accidentally led to this construction as a very natural combination and i'm now very content with it as the permanent home for both of these pieces.

these songs were both always musically driven, with kind of throwaway vocals that i don't really have any meaningful analysis for. neither of these tracks was ever conceptual or confessional or ever meant much to me on a personal level, so they don't have the kind of stories or explanations that the other tracks that were important to me do. i have not remixed the vocals into either of these songs; all of the tracks on the physical release are entirely instrumental. why bother releasing a single, then?

the reason is that i ended up with a number of mixes for both of them and just needed a place to house them. of course, that's not actually any kind of an interesting concept to build a single around. it was precisely because there was no retained concept underlying either of these tracks that the singles seemed pointless. but, once they were connected via the segue, the purpose of a single became readily apparent in that connection, itself.

the decision was sealed by a curious synchronicity in time. they were both originally written for the 1996 cassette demo, and separated there by a guitar/bass cover of "mellon collie and the infinite sadness". the entanglement is probably not entirely coincidental; i have a vague recollection of checking the tape to ensure i didn't forget any songs, and i may very well have repeated recording them in succession for that reason. however that happened to be, the synchronicity is a big part of what allowed me to create this ep the way that i've created it as it allowed me to label demo versions of the track with the same title.

while neither of these tracks have meaningful vocals, they are both important in my musical development. schizoid features my first multi-part string accompaniment and terrorists is a serious step forward in harmonic complexity. even the segue (titled "abusive") is something different: it's my first run at a 909 emulator, and a step out to lunch in abstract sound design.

so, as the last piece completed for my first record, this is somewhat of a portal to transit through, in terms of the developing complexity in my compositional abilities. but, it does not and never did have any worthwhile conceptual meaning to me. as such, there is no story to tell.

initially written in 1996. recreated mostly in feb, 1998 (schizoid, terrorists) but also partly in june, 1998 (abusive). sequenced in this form in june, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. "terrorists" was reclaimed june 28-29, 2015 & remixed july 15, 2015. the main mix was corrected on nov 19, 2015. "schizoid" was reclaimed on july 12, 2015 & reprogrammed on dec 31, 2015. the main mix was corrected on jan 3, 2016 and remixed repeatedly jan 3-5, 2016. the lead track was sequenced on jan 5, 2016 and split back apart on jan 8, 2016. audio permanently closed on aug 1, 2016. release finalized on oct 9, 2016. as always, please use headphones.

the album version of this track appears on my first record:
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-3

this release is compiled on inriℵ0.
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri-box-set

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1996, 1998, 2013, 2015, 2016).

* - download only
credits
released June 16, 1998

j - guitars, effects, bass, vocals, synths, drum kit, drum programming, sequencing, soundraider, hammerhead, cool edit synthesis, tapes, noises, found sounds, sound design, sampling, digital wave editing, production.

the rendered electronic orchestra includes organ, sitar, bells, violin, viola, cello, contrabass and synthesizer effects.

how about this, guys?

it doesn't make any difference at all. it's just politics. the government is pretending it's doing something about the problem, while the opposition is pretending that it's going to be a catastrophe.

if you have a lot of wealth and use a lot of energy then your taxes will go up (you're supposed to use less energy, not complain about your taxes). if you're poor and use minimal energy then you'll get a rebate. if you're in the middle, it will truly be revenue neutral. the right answer is that lisa's friends will probably get a check at the end of the month at the expense of trudeau's family, which will get a tax increase.

the media has a responsibility to explain this. but, they'll sell far more papers scare-mongering about tax increases. which is why it's essential that the government implements the policy immediately so the checks are already out by the next writ drop. which, of course, they're not doing.

so, that's the money question: as wealth is strongly correlated with energy use, the policy will redistribute wealth from the top to the bottom through the intermediary of taxation. those that are legitimately concerned about the poor should look at the policy more carefully and understand that it is in their benefit. beware of demagogues that try and take advantage of the ignorant and uneducated in order to scare them.

but, what about emissions? will it reduce them?

the answer is that this doesn't work as an emissions reduction plan. the rich eat the costs because they can afford it, anyways. again: it's going to offset with the middle classes. and, the poor (who don't use much energy...) will get checks in the mail from it.

i'm poor. i don't have a car. most of the food here is imported. i couldn't do much more to reduce emissions if i wanted to. but, i'm likely to get a nice check in the mail. to me, this is just money from the sky. it's not going to change my behaviour...

if i was in the middle class, it would balance out. i need to be clear: i don't expect this to drive inflation and nobody else does, either. you won't find a working economist that thinks prices are going up. it's just scare mongering, really. but, they'll spend a little more on energy and then get it back through tax cuts. how does that change behaviour if it comes out in the wash?

if i was rich, i'd spend a lot of money on energy and i wouldn't care if taxes go up because i have a lot of money, anyways. they don't change behaviour, either, then.

so, if nobody has a meaningful incentive to reduce their use, how do emissions reduce?

here's the thing, then - do you want some wealth redistribution? are you down with that? do you think it's a good idea to tax the rich a little more and give it to the poor? well, this is a good way to do that. it *will* work in accomplishing *this* task.

but, do you really want emissions to come down, too? are you concerned that we're not meeting our international obligations? well, you might want to push for a different policy, like direct investment in converting infrastructure.

www.cbc.ca/news/politics/wherry-climate-change-trudeau-raitt-1.3792865

his platform didn't talk about carbon pricing, it talked about an investment bank for green infrastructure. if you care about something that will be *effective* in reducing emissions, the infrastructure bank in the platform was a far superior approach. in fact, it's the primary reason i voted for the liberals.

the truth is that this isn't a serious discussion. the science is in: carbon pricing doesn't work in reducing emissions. rather, this is smoke and mirrors for political purposes.

but, i'm frankly not opposed to that, if it has the effect of keeping the conservatives out of power. i don't care if they do this or not. what i want to see is that infrastructure bank set up and put in motion in actually converting infrastructure.

put another way: i don't care who pays for this. i'm tired of stalling over budgets. i want to see shovels in the ground.

www.cbc.ca/news/politics/canada-trudeau-climate-change-1.3788825