are we this stupid?

really?

yes, those deals trump is signing need to be ratified by the us senate.

...unless he rewrote the constitution in sharpie at 3 am when people were sleeping.

total american manufacturing output is apparently about $3 trillion.

the 500 billion dollars assigned to japan is a lot.

in fact, congress might cancel this for that reason. if i was a us senator, i would not be happy about this.

the thing about ozzy is that he made no attempt to be taken seriously. so, what's the point of making fun of him?

go watch spinal tap.

i don't think the solo to crazy train is overrated, exactly. it is what it is. it's not original, or unique, or even that hard, but it is just about perfectly stereotypical. it's like spinal tap reformed with ozzy singing, for real. it's not something i'd listen to myself, but rock music wouldn't be the same without it.

as a rock musician and fan, i know exactly who ozzy osbourne was.

that is really all i have to say.

(i'm not a fan of ozzy osbourne. at all. sorry. no link, because i don't even know. i had a copy of the first black sabbath cd at one point, and i actually learned how to play crazy train when i was a kid, but it was like going to school and doing a project. i really didn't like the song very much.)

i sincerely hope they bury ozzy osbourne in an iron sarcophagus and put it on display in the rock and roll hall of fame.

i do support bans on public prayer in publicly owned spaces, which would include public parks. if the permit was for a religious prayer festival, i would support revoking it.

i don't support bans on artistic expression in publicly owned spaces, and they aren't the same thing. 

concerts should be allowed to proceed on public land, but religious gatherings should be told to find a private venue.

when it's christians, it's a public safety issue.

when it's muslims, it's a constitutional rights issue.

it's a clear double standard that needs to be attacked head-on.

https://www.ctvnews.ca/montreal/article/banning-prayer-in-public-legal-experts-sound-alarm-on-legaults-threat-to-use-notwithstanding-clause/

i would no doubt disagree with this guy on virtually everything, but i doubt his concert poses any kind of security threat, and i don't see how it's any more offensive to have a christian musician than it is to have a muslim festival. the latter would almost certainly not have been cancelled, and these same people have come out in opposition to banning muslims praying in public spaces in canada about the same issues (this is a real issue here, specifically in montreal), which is exactly the same thing. it sets a bad precedent and a double standard that the bourgeois left may regret one day in the near future, after a change in government cancels a concert critical of pierre polievre due to "security concerns". conversely, if they are going to apply this precedent fairly, they should be ensuring that muslim groups are not allowed to pray on public property, either.

i'm not a christian. i'm a secularist and an atheist. i'm concerned about the precedent. i have no solidarity with this guy.

we don't give free speech rights to foreigners in canada, so he doesn't have a case, but he has one in principle. this is the government infringing on the right to free assembly in a pretty blatant way. i would hope the ccla would step in, to get some kind of process in place to censure parks canada for an absurd decision.

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/nova-scotia/permit-revoked-maga-concert-sean-feucht-1.7591743

if trump wants to surprise me and prove that he's smart after all, he'll make a trade deal with the eu that re-establishes them as the export market. that is the way that the post-war economy was supposed to work: america builds it, europe buys it. it worked for a while and broke down after nixon went to china. this would be dramatically different from a deal with japan or korea.

this us trade deal with japan, if i understand, is designed to try to force japanese car makers (and other electronics manufacturers) to manufacture items for the american market in the united states, against market forces that would push production to mexico or canada. 

it's explicitly designed to force japan to make less cars in canada and more cars in the united states and it's doing so by increasing the cost of business across the board, and making it that much more expensive in canada. this is reshoring by manufactured inflation.

the result is that the price of japanese cars is going to substantively increase, and i can't imagine it will be substantively offset by the increase in wages associated with reshoring. that increase in wages will help a little, sure, but only for auto workers. everybody else is faced with a huge increase in inflation.

that said, the japanese are a special case. they have a history of spending huge amounts of money building factories in north america for the north american market. it's like they figured out that buying the factories that make the bombs makes more sense than bombing hawaii. it's almost colonialism, more than it is trade. the deal apparently specifically indicates that japan will spend half a trillion dollars building new factories and upgrading old ones in the united states. that will create jobs in the united states, and it will be good for the economy, overall. it's not "america first". it's foreign ownership of american production, and it may prove itself a national security threat in the long run, but it's a start in rebuilding american manufacturing, which everybody realizes still has incredible potential.

this might actually be a good deal for the united states, in the long run, even if it's a better deal for japan. it's also a direct attack on the canadian auto sector, who will be the massive loser, via collateral damage and negative externalities, even if it feels like it's on purpose. trump has clearly broadcast that canada and mexico are not invited to any special treatment, here. 

it's also not possible to apply the same ideas to other countries, with the potential exceptions of south korea and taiwan, who have similar relationships with united states tech manufacturing. this would not apply to china, to india, to any other country in the pacific rim, to anzac or to europe. the saudis might have gone down this path with their oil money, but they didn't; they just buy stock and flip it for profit. it's only these us-occupied asian countries that want to buy into american manufacturing on such a deep level, and that are pulling the old trick that the romans pulled on everybody for centuries, which is to colonize the imperialists from the inside out.

what i'm getting at is that i don't want to give trump too much credit. the japanese know what they're doing, and almost nobody else has the same kind of relationship with american capital.

is howard stern half orangutan?

those are the biggest arms i've ever seen.

he's like the arnold palmer of arms.

i've been dealing with migraines this week, and it really threw me off and knocked me out, as they do. i think i've avoided another drugging, to this point.

the over sleeping means i'm skipping a day.

- june 16th: doubled up salsa with chick peas, cheese, spices and vitamins.

- june 17th: onion soup bacon poutine

- june 18th: basic doritos nachos and french onon soup with bacon

- june 19th: doubled up salsa reprise

- june 20th: caesar salad without subs

- june 21st: 2nd onion soup poutine with onion soup and last chance salad

- june 22rd: 3rd onion soup poutine with onion soup with beets

- june 23rd: caesar salad without subs

- june 24th: caesar salad without subs

- june 25th: bacon and eggs without subs, no salsa

- june 26th: bacon and eggs without subs, no salsa

- june 27th: ad hoc pad thai

- june 28th: broccoli soup

- june 29th: fridge-clearing meal (oranges & garlic bread)

- june 30th: kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 1st:    kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 2nd:  kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 3rd:  10 packages of instant oatmeal, in 5 installments. spaghetti-os + spices & vitamins (cumin, cayenne, pepper, oregano, paprika, sunflower seed, hemp seed, nutritional yeast, frank's).

- july 4th:  a can of stew and a can of corn, plus spices & vitamins.

- july 5th: a package of jasmine rice i had put aside as a quinoa sub (it probably isn't), with a can of peas and a can of tomato soup, plus spices and vitamins.

- july 6th: a can of beans cooked in a can of vegetable soup, plus spices and vitamins.

- july 7th:  two cans of chicken noodle soup, plus spices and vitamins. tim's xl double-double coffee in morning. two builders protein mini bars in evening. 7-11 coffee with jalapeno taquito late at night.

- july 8th: food bank junk food eat through - two bags of "real vegetable chips" (one big, one small), a bag of goldfish crackers, one mini crispy crunch, some strawberry licorice, prime energy drink, two tim horton's donuts, little ceasar's pepperoni pizza with unlabelled chocolate milk product.

- july 9th: another prime energy drink with another unlabelled chocolate milk product, unlabelled food bank ginger bread (two loaves)

- july 10th: pasta with minor subs (1), third energy drink, sour cream n cheddar chips

- july 11th: sour cream 'n' bacon, sour cream 'n' onion chips

- july 12th: more licorice, pasta with minor subs (2)

- july 13th: jalapeno cheddar chips, pasta with minor subs (3)

- july 14th: 10 baby cookies, pasta with minor subs (4)

- july 15th: i ate most of the 14th pasta on the 15th and followed it with the remaining baby cookies (which are actually french butter cookies, not baby cookies. they look like baby cookies). i did not make pasta for the 15th.

- july 16th:.  pasta with minor subs (5)

- july 17th:  pasta with minor subs (6)

- july 18th (on the 19th):  pasta with minor subs (7)

- july 19th (on the 20th): cereal (one bowl of vector and all bran with paprika, flax, nutritional yeast, hemp seeds and soy, as per my normal diet and one bowl of instant oatmeal with a little real milk and an apple)

- july 20th (on the 21st): pasta with minor subs (8)

- july 21st (on the 22nd): past with minor subs (9)

- july 22nd: cereal day 2 in cycle 2 (final cycle 2 cereal day): one bowl of vector and all bran with paprika, flax, nutritional yeast, hemp seeds and soy, as per my normal diet and one bowl of instant oatmeal with a little real milk and two apples, one in the oatmeal and one standalone.

- july 23rd: i'm going to double up on the cereal this morning to start cycle 3.

i don't watch tv. at all. in fact, i don't even have a tv. i watch a fair amount of youtube, and i do keep up with jon stewart via youtube, which is largely nostalgic.

i don't think stephen colbert is very funny, myself. his schtick back in the day was impressive, but i don't think he's really transitioned well out of the persona and into a real person. i used to watch a lot of conan o'brien when i was a kid, and largely walked away from the entire concept of late night when he got screwed over. i don't keep up with any of them.

my read on the situation is that 11:30 is no longer a good time slot. young people today want to go to bed earlier, so they can wake up earlier and check their phones. i think that late night tv is misunderstanding this change in scheduling behaviour. people used to get up, fall out of bed, drag a comb across their head, find their way downstairs and drink a cup, look up, notice they were late, find their coat, grab their hat and make the bus in seconds flat. they don't that anymore. nowadays, they get up, roll over and stare at their phone for an hour before they fall out of bed. so, they have to go to bed early enough to get up to check their feeds.

that means that what colbert really lost out on was scheduling. it's too late at night, nowadays.

that doesn't mean that you just time-shift it like you're solving a relativity problem. the tv day is shorter, now, because people have phones; they used to spend 15 hours on tv, and now will spend 8 or 10. if you want to survive on actual tv (and not just youtube), you need a better time slot.

anarchism is not about abolishing government, it's about abolishing the state, which is a different thing. the idea is that you replace the state with democracy; you replace the state with a government.

definitions of the state are inexact. it's a similar idea to what the right calls the "deep state"; anarchists just call that the state. abolishing the state means abolishing private property (in the means of production). it means collectivizing production. it means democratizing everything. it means taking power away from an unelected upper class and giving it to the masses of people, instead.

the system of government sometimes called "market libertarianism" is not anarchism in any coherent sense, but is in truth fascism in disguise, as you need a totalitarian state to apply the market theory, and the aims and goals of such a system very quickly fall off into social darwinism and then nazism, if left to develop unchecked.

i've written a lot about this (it's all on the side), but it's coming up again so i want to summarize.

i frequently criticize free market ideology and people advancing and pushing free market ideology. it's the ideology of market theory that i'm railing against, and people that want to advance it and implement it. 

the question of whether we really live in free market capitalism is incoherent nonsense. free markets are impossible. if you abolished the government, you'd end up in hobbesian exploitation, and primitive feudalism. you need a government to define the rules to implement a market; markets are not natural, do not exist in the real world and cannot exist or function outside of government dominance and control. governments and markets are the same thing. it's up to the government to determine what kind of market it wants to create.

one example of this is antitrust legislation. if you took away the state, are the corporations going to compete? no, they're going to collude, because it's in their self-interest to collude. so, you need a government to step in and actually force them to compete. in the 50s and 60s, as a response to communism, you started seeing government psy-ops develop to try to engineer a population that was more competitive and less co-operative, so that they could actually have capitalism, which our human nature towards cooperative behaviour otherwise makes very hard. the government had to redesign us to be more competitive through social engineering and force us to compete by threat of violence in order to enforce capitalism on us. free markets? it's a joke.

many years ago, brezhnev set off a sarcastic response in the academic left by using the term really existing socialism to describe what we today call state capitalism. very quickly, the useful idiots in american media started talking about really existing capitalism. this remains the best way to talk about western capitalism. all capitalism is necessarily state capitalism, because capitalism can't function without a state to enforce it. we don't have a theory of capitalism the way we have a theory of socialism, because capitalism inherently contradicts itself, making coherent theory impossible. it's supposed to implode. right?

this is the irony of the western discourse; socialism actually seems pretty realistic and pretty easy to accomplish if we can tear down a few barriers, but capitalism doesn't work and is completely impossible. it's a pipe dream.

they don't teach you this in school, they just hand you 1984 and tell you to figure it out yourself.

however, it needs to be pointed out that, in the years since, attempts to apply free market ideology to western state capitalism have resulted in increasingly targeted applications of the flawed ideology of capitalism, so that really existing capitalism is probably about as close as the fuckers are ever going to get. if they ever tore down the state, their market would evaporate in ten minutes, but a totalitarian state enforcing market ideology by violence on a population that doesn't want it (this is not socialism, it's fascism) can potentially get them to the outcome they want, and we're pretty close to that in the west. 

a functioning real left understands that religion is the greatest root cause and the more fundamental problem. capitalism is a consequence of religion, and not the other way around. you have to abolish religion before you can abolish capitalism.

for that reason, the biggest enemy of the real left is often not the capitalist right but increasingly the bourgeois left, which poses it the biggest threat, in the form of tacit acceptance of religion as something to be tolerated in a free society.

let's be clear about this.

standing up for religion is not and is never left wing. standing up for religion is always conservatism and always right wing. no exceptions.

the left always advances secularism and always advances a post-religious society. it's foundational. it's definitional. religion is not compatible with a coherent left and cannot be tolerated or welcomed or accepted by a functioning left.

a left that interacts with religion as acceptable is a right in disguise, and that's been the case on this continent for a long time.

i did have to sleep. i spent the afternoon and evening in the shower, after realizing that the soap i put on my face as a defoliant had kind of backfired. 

my hair is finally almost clean. realizing what caused the problem helped me finally fix it. almost. i put exorbitant amounts of conditioner in it and let it sit for several days, then washed it out. i then shock washed it with shampoo three times, and put exorbitant amounts of conditioner in it again, this time only for about a half hour. the fact that it almost entirely came back after a half hour but didn't come back after hours and hours trying as recently as a few days previously, indicates i had to wash something out of the hair, and i'm sure now that that thing was sweat. it's still a little frizzy at the ends, but it's basically clean. therefore, i can bleach it tomorrow.

i still can't get into the account and have convinced myself that google is trying to force me to use a cell phone. i have it in a separate window and am going to need to just click "send" over and over until it works.

i need to get back to what i was doing tonight, but it's going to be difficult because the stalkers are chain smoking inside.

i need into this account.

i'm going to have to sit there and click "resend" over and over until it lets me in.

government pot.

government pot is not any fun, but it might be bettter than methadone, and that might be what it's really good for.

i don't want it in my system. at all.

yeah, it's telling me to use another device.

i don't have another device.

this address was created for this device. they go together, and i don't like to mix my devices with my accounts like that. i want to use this address for this device.

i've googled this and it's apparently a baffling thing that people deal with, and it eventually goes away.

i have extremely limited options in terms of testing on other devices. i don't have a cell phone and i don't believe in wireless internet. i don't want a wireless network in my apartment. everything is wired. my desktops are all in boxes. i have a very small number of usable laptops.

i tried it on a windows 7 device and it did exactly the same thing.

i think that google is blocking access because somebody tried to hack in and failed. i can't verify that. but it doesn't make sense to me that i would get this error message any other way.

i have in past scenarios gotten around weird google errors by recovering the account, but it's doing exactly the same thing.

i can wait a few minutes and click resend it again, but it doesn't send.

i don't think that the site has been hacked. i don't want to take chances, but that doesn't seem like what's going on to me. i've gone into my router, and it doesn't look like they got in. i've powerwashed this device several times. i've reset the firmware from usb.

i was worried maybe my browser is too old, but it is letting me log into other accounts.

i actually think that google is being confused by stupid police officers, who have been confused by dishonest landlords. they may have contacted google in the course of some kind of investigation into the identity of these different personas, who are all the same person, and all myself.

generally speaking, death.to.koalas is my real address and koala.central.command is my spam address, but what it actually had to do with was buying a different chromebook in 2019. at the time, i was using death.to.koalas to access email on my windows 7 laptop, but that laptop has since died. i bought a chromebook and didn't want to use the same address on the chromebook that i was using on the laptop, so i set up a new one. that was all there was to it.

the correct address for this chromebook is consequently koala.central.command, but i have not been able to set up an email laptop (despite many tries) due to these annoying stalkers that won't fuck off, so i'm using this chromebook for both addresse, as well as the pi address, the tv address and whatever else i need to use it for. i have one internet device, right now. that's it.

eventually, i'll go back to using the pi address for the pi, death.to.koalas on my email laptop and koala.central.command on what i'm calling my studio chromebook, which is intended to connect to sites like youtube and bandcamp. 

but these are my concerns.

i just need google to send me the txt and let me into my account, please.

*sigh*.

i stopped to sleep briefly around 19:00, and woke up around 21:30 to realize my chromebook had rebooted. the machine has no wireless internet connection. i checked the doors and windows and don't see how anybody could have possibly gotten in, except by climbing over the roof. it strikes me as exceedingly unlikely that it might have overheated.

google is not letting me log into my primary blogger acount, which is koala.central.command. it's not telling me the password is wrong, it's refusing to send me the access code to my voip site. i can use both accounts to access this blog, but i can only access the deathtokoalas blog and most of my other blogs, as well as most of my vlogs, from the koala central command account. all of the email goes through deathtokoalas first and then forwards to koala central command, which is the central command - it's where everything goes in the end.

for the idiots amongst us, i will explicitly state that all of these email addresses are owned by the same person, which is me. the koala central command is an anti-capitalist joke. it's supposed to be funny. you're supposed to laugh. there's only one person here. death.to.koalas, koala,central.command, etc are all me, jessica parent/murray. i've set up multiple email addresses because i demand separate google accounts on every single device (i don't want two devices to use the same account, that's gross), but i've had to turn almost everything off while i'm being stalked. i have one google address that is for email, one for the tv, one for the raspberry pi, one for my digital audio player, etc. this makes sure that everything is kept totally separate, and i can't access data meant for one device from the others. unfortunately, everything is disconnected until i can shake these losers off and put them in jail.

i don't know why google is being annoying, but i want to clearly state that death.to.koalas and koala.central.command are the same person. while most of my email does go through death.to.koalas, i need access to my central email address at koala.central,command and i need access to my blogs and my youtube sites.

i did make my coffee last night with two marshmallows and two crispy crunches, but it was after i went into a migraine and i didn't drink it until i woke up. it had sit for quite a while by then. this approach will fully dissolve the marshmallow fairly quickly and the chocolate bars a little more slowly, but all that was left by the morning was the traces of peanuts

in fact, i didn't eat yesterday at all. i was going to make the pasta for yesterday early in the morning, but i was forced into sleeping by the migraine, instead. i was just finishing up a short legal document when my vision went glassy, which means the migraine is imminent.

the issue appears to be that i closed the window last night because it was raining. it was when the window was closed that i triggered into a migraine, and it hasn't lifted yet. i didn't smell anything. 

i slept well, but i feel dopey - not drugged with steroids dopey, just dumb pothead dopey. i think everybody knows, at this point, that government marijuana makes people slow-witted and stupid. it wears off, but it's extremely unenjoyable when you're stuck in it. this is what has actually happened in canada - the government ruined marijuana by turning it into a prescription medication. you do not get high off government pot, it just makes you lethargic and retarded, like you're on opiates. i'm feeling that kind of dopey. but, the migraine had an aura, and i've been trying to figure out for a while whether i'm actually being drugged with some kind of psychoactive substance or not. it would be consistent with the pseudo-scientific stupidity being enforced on me against my will. these idiots do do that - they give people mushrooms or peyote as some kind of "therapy", which is the most idiotically retarded thing imaginable, but it's the level of abject dumbassedness in front of me, paired with unjustified confidence. if they had any brains, they'd have already stopped by now, but they just keep failing over and over.

the difference between ignorance and stupidity is confidence; stupidity is accurately defined as having confidence in one's ignorance.

as it is, it knocked me out. i had to suffer through it this morning and then i slept most of the day.

i don't feel like they drugged me with steroids again and i don't see any signs of entry. this drugging me with psychedelics is equally unacceptable, but it is in some ways less bad, and in some ways more annoying. the steroids at least don't render me useless and retarded for days at a time. what i'm worried about i that the migraines and the steroid injections often happen at the same time, while i don't think they're the same thing.

i have a new req. if they drugged me again, i'm marching right back to the blood lab.

for now, i'm editing my meal schedule a little to adjust for the missed meal yesterday. i'm going to have some cereal this evening, and catch up on the pasta tonight.

- june 16th: doubled up salsa with chick peas, cheese, spices and vitamins.

- june 17th: onion soup bacon poutine

- june 18th: basic doritos nachos and french onon soup with bacon

- june 19th: doubled up salsa reprise

- june 20th: caesar salad without subs

- june 21st: 2nd onion soup poutine with onion soup and last chance salad

- june 22rd: 3rd onion soup poutine with onion soup with beets

- june 23rd: caesar salad without subs

- june 24th: caesar salad without subs

- june 25th: bacon and eggs without subs, no salsa

- june 26th: bacon and eggs without subs, no salsa

- june 27th: ad hoc pad thai

- june 28th: broccoli soup

- june 29th: fridge-clearing meal (oranges & garlic bread)

- june 30th: kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 1st:    kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 2nd:  kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 3rd:  10 packages of instant oatmeal, in 5 installments. spaghetti-os + spices & vitamins (cumin, cayenne, pepper, oregano, paprika, sunflower seed, hemp seed, nutritional yeast, frank's).

- july 4th:  a can of stew and a can of corn, plus spices & vitamins.

- july 5th: a package of jasmine rice i had put aside as a quinoa sub (it probably isn't), with a can of peas and a can of tomato soup, plus spices and vitamins.

- july 6th: a can of beans cooked in a can of vegetable soup, plus spices and vitamins.

- july 7th:  two cans of chicken noodle soup, plus spices and vitamins. tim's xl double-double coffee in morning. two builders protein mini bars in evening. 7-11 coffee with jalapeno taquito late at night.

- july 8th: food bank junk food eat through - two bags of "real vegetable chips" (one big, one small), a bag of goldfish crackers, one mini crispy crunch, some strawberry licorice, prime energy drink, two tim horton's donuts, little ceasar's pepperoni pizza with unlabelled chocolate milk product.

- july 9th: another prime energy drink with another unlabelled chocolate milk product, unlabelled food bank ginger bread (two loaves)

- july 10th: pasta with minor subs (1), third energy drink, sour cream n cheddar chips

- july 11th: sour cream 'n' bacon, sour cream 'n' onion chips

- july 12th: more licorice, pasta with minor subs (2)

- july 13th: jalapeno cheddar chips, pasta with minor subs (3)

- july 14th: 10 baby cookies, pasta with minor subs (4)

- july 15th: i ate most of the 14th pasta on the 15th and followed it with the remaining baby cookies (which are actually french butter cookies, not baby cookies. they look like baby cookies). i did not make pasta for the 15th.

- july 16th:.  pasta with minor subs (5)

- july 17th:  pasta with minor subs (6)

- july 18th (on the 19th):  pasta with minor subs (7)

- july 19th (on the 20th): cereal (one bowl of vector with all bran, paprika, nutritional yeast, hemp seeds and soy, as per my normal diet and one bowl of instant oatmeal with a little real milk and an apple)

- july 20th (on the 21st): pasta with minor subs (8)

i'm going to say this one more time.

donald trump is not a master negotiator, he's an irrational buffoon. he's also a lame duck. his replacement will be less stupid.

canada's tactic should be to wait trump out, and not sign anything until he's gone.

i consider male facial hair to be a form of public obscenity. it's objectively disgusting, and there's no valid excuse for it. the science is clear that male facial hair is objectively unsanitary, and carries bacteria and diseases. that's the only thing of any importance, legally.

i'd have to see the text of a bill, but i would consequently support any law or bylaw that fines men for displaying facial hair longer than a very short specific length, as short as a cm, in public. i would also support any organization that instantly fires men for showing up to work with any level of visible facial hair, and don't think they have any sort of valid argument challenging getting fired for displaying facial hair, at all.

i think it's important that we set clear standards in the 21st century that reject male facial hair as unhygienic, unsanitary and entirely socially unacceptable.

trump seems to have a choice in front of him, but he might not be able to make it.

- if he does nothing, he's going to get overthrown by the far right.

- or, he can aggressively rebrand in the centre and try to push some of these crazy nutcases on the right out of power.

if trump lets himself get overthrown, a more serious problem may develop, as trump is not a right-winger, and that was the reason he won the nomination in the first place. trump has been blocking the right from retaking power for years, now. if trump gets pushed out, the floodgates open up.

i think this is maybe even a job to give to vance, to kind of clean the place up a little, and push the elements that are threatening to trump out of the party, before they start causing real problems.

there's little evidence that trump will make the right choices, here. he never does. so, his days are numbered, and what's coming might be even worse.

i'm going to call it cafe glower-mofo, because nobody eats werther's except grumpy old men.

this is how i'm going to suggest doing this.

- prepare coffee maker

- put three stale crispy crunches and three marshmallows in a pretty big coffee cup

- microwave for 33 seconds

- brew coffee while microwave is going

- dump hot coffee on microwaved gooeyness

- stir marshmallow is gone and crispy crunch is reduced to hard waver

- let sit for a while, stirring occasionally, until waver is mostly melted

- add milk

i'll try again later tonight.

i said caramilk.

they're crispy crunches. the problem is that they're rock hard like, suck candy hard. it's supposed to be crispy and crunchy, but it's like a hard candy that you suck on, instead. you can't eat these things.

i took three out of the package and wrapped each in a marshmallow and put them in a plate in the microwave for 33 seconds. i wanted to eat it with a knife and fork, like a pretentious shithead. the chocolate and marshmallow melted nicely, but the wafer could not be sawed through - not even with a butcher knife.

so, i'm back to putting crispy crunches and marshmallows together in the coffee. i have three of each in a single serving cup. no milk. let's see  how this melts.

right now, it looks like it's working exactly the way you'd expect a werther's would melt.

i'm not a dessert person. excluding my taste for caffeinated pop, which i've actually replaced with coffee, i eat very little sugar. i'm more of a bag of chips person than a cake and cookies person. i prefer salt to sugar, as a vice, but i don't eat much salt, either. when i do eat sugar, i'd rather eat fruit than candy.

but i don't want to throw this stuff away.

what i don't want to do is go overboard on it. i'll want to tone it down a little and eat it in smaller portions.

i think it's better to just take a marshmellow, a bit of pb and a mini caramilk and put it in the microwave and eat one or two of them at a time, so it lasts for a few weeks, rather than mix it all up in a bowl, make some pastry and then gain weight from it. 

however, i'll look at this differently next time. if i did make some kind of cookie or desert, i could cut it up into reasonable portions and eat a little every day.

i'm just not used to having these types of ingredients in the house. the ginger bread was actually pretty good, and didn't seem very sugary actually, but it might have been better to take the ginger bread, the butter cookies, the caramilk, the protein bars, the marshmallows and the peanut butter and mix it together, in hindsight. 

i've been avoiding the expired caramilk because it's just glassed over glucose. i can't even chew it. i think i kind of have to melt this down to even eat it, so the smores become a logical solution, in context.

i should have kept those cookies. i might have made st michel butter cookie peanut butter caramilk smores. with jam.

smores, i think, are the way to do this.

yes.

smores.

</evil laugh>. i don't know why.

you know, i also have peanut butter and two types of jam in addition to the caramilk and marshmallows.

hrmmn. 

if nietzsche were alive today, he'd be railing against gay marriage and transgenderism, and warning us it will destroy society, unless we repent.

nobody should read this guy. he was a moron.

this guy was a dumbass. he should be diagnosed with autism.

he lived in post-revolutionary europe, but couldn't get his mind out of the dark ages. the core of his writings is that he hypothesized that a cultural revolution that happened in the 1600s and 1700s might maybe happen some time in the future, unless we revert back to the religion that we threw away hundreds of years previously, as some kind of warning. he was utterly out of touch with reality around him. the people that knew him thought he was an idiot, and they were right.

https://www.cbc.ca/radio/ideas/nietzsche-passing-by-healthy-discourse-1.7434781

it's actually relieving that norad still works.

the bs aside, norad is important.

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/us-fighter-jets-bc-alleged-plane-hijacking-1.7588750

the temperature fell to 13 overnight, i have the windows open and i slept comfortably in a sheet and a bikini. this is in contrast to waking up shivering from hypothermia a few weeks ago when it was 25 and needing to warm up in a winter quilt.

i was clearly drugged.

my pasta with minor subs is updated.

pre-prep

- on a large flat plate add -  four-five mini tomatoes, one half a red pepper (diced), one avocado (diced), two cloves of garlic, one carrot, one beet, one tbsp of oregano, one tbsp of thyme, one tbsp of basil, some fresh dill (chopped). add one tbsp of processed pesto (includes italian cheeses).

- chop 150 g of fresh pineapple into small squares on a small plate. i got four actual pineapples at reduced price at the grocery store across the street because they were ripe, which is a good thing (who wants crunchy pineapples? it's better if they're a little soft.). it seems like i should get around 900 g 750 g of usable fruit per pineapple. i'm on pineapple 2 of 4 and they are in fact nice and soft. somebody at the store really didn't get it.

- peel and segment one lime. chop each segment in half. put on same plate.

- slice and chop up 50 g of salami into small squares (i'm using spicy genoa sold in a 600 g amount).

- fry in olive oil margarine until a little crispy. 

- chop off the top of 25 g of broccoli florets and place on a small plate. place any stems in a bowl in the freezer, which is cumulative.

- grate 100 g of marble cheese

- weigh 110 g of dry pasta, preferably fettucine, but i will not be using fettucine for the foreseeable future. i went through three days of egg noodles and four days of fusilli. day eight will be half fusilli and half penne.

- cook to al dente in a covered pot.

preparation:

- add pasta on top of vegetables, right out of the pot. flatten pasta.

- add 1 tbsp of olive oil margarine on pasta.

- add pineapple and lime on top of that. flatten fruit.

- add salami or other meat on top of that. flatten meat.

- add 1 tbsp cumin, 1 tbsp nutritional yeast, 1 tbsp paprika, 1 tbsp hemp seeds, 1 tbsp sunflower seeds (or just chomp the last one). distribute these items evenly.

- add a lot of ceasar dressing (this is the pasta sauce), and bunch it up in the middle.

- add 1 tbsp of processed pesto

- add the grated marble cheese

- microwave for 2:00

- sprinkle crushed broccoli florets

- add frank's, black pepper, a tbsp of cayenne pepper (sprinkled).

 

served with

- serve with some bread and olive oil margarine. the food bank gave me a lot of bread, including garlic cheese buns (first up), a baguette (second) and a loaf of unsliced italian bread (third). i'm currently on the baguette and using five slices with margarine.

- serve with tall glass of 25% grapefruit, 75% orange juice

i've got two packages of caramilk bars, a package of marshmallows and a pile of jello packets.

fun should be had with that, i think. 

yeah.

let me think this through.

this is unacceptable.

he should immediately resign.

https://orthodoxtimes.com/ontario-mpp-jonathan-tsao-visited-archbishop-of-canada/

i think this is exactly how police should have responded.

https://www.thewhitehatter.ca/post/why-toronto-police-didnt-lay-charges-against-a-teen-who-created-ai-generated-porn

this is like salem all over again.

https://www.ctvnews.ca/sci-tech/article/ai-generated-child-sexual-abuse-images-are-spreading-law-enforcement-is-racing-to-stop-them/

simply being gross can't be enough to criminalize.

i think male facial hair is gross, and i'm right. somebody else might think trans people taking hormones is gross, and i don't give a fuck.

the basis of harm as necessary for a law to be enforceable is central to canadian law, which is why child pornography laws are frequently unenforceable in the court system. conservative mps keep passing laws that try to criminalize child porn because it's offensive, and the courts keep tearing them down because the issues at hand aren't generating any harm to any kids.

anything involving real kids in any way at all can't be allowed, but i can't see any harm in drawing pictures, or writing stories, or singing songs, and the court has upheld that point repeatedly. ai sounds like artistic expression and not like child exploitation, to me.

again - we'll have to see exactly what this guy actually did. but, don't be surprised if the court says something like "the court has no business in the imaginations of the nation".

i don't see the harm in generating sexually explicit computer images of kids for personal use.

you and i may agree it's gross, but who cares? we have to go back to mill on this, i think.

i would be less comfortable when a sale of the images takes place, and i would argue it shouldn't be allowed to be placed on a publicly accessible website, either.

the case law in the united states is apparently a lot stricter than r v sharpe in canada, which goes back to what i was saying about hate crime legislation not being about criminalizing speech. on most issues, i would think canada has broadly freer expression laws.

no, this needs to be thought through carefully.

for example, we could imagine a dream sequence in a film with an ai child exploitation sequence. is that pornography? it really shouldn't be. if it is, you send netflix to jail for distribution.

is this child porn?

it has to depend on what he's doing with it.

canadian jurisprudence might decide that ai child porn is free speech, if it is convincingly argued that nobody was harmed.

i think the issue is distribution.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R_v_Sharpe

there's actually a good chance that the courts in canada will drop these charges.

it depends on exactly what he did.

https://www.ctvnews.ca/calgary/article/breaking-alberta-football-coach-charged-with-using-ai-to-create-child-porn/

i'm imagining how i would react if somebody caught me at a coldplay concert.

i expected eno to be there! honest!

listen, i'm a socialist. i've always thought liberals were losers. but, this cultural flip puts us in the hardest position of all.

we used to very quietly flip elections here in canada by voting for the cultural hegemon on the capitalist left.

that's not going to work anymore if the proportions have flipped. it doesn't help us to support the bourgeois left if they're going to lose anyways, so why bother? that, however, places us in perpetual opposition, like in the united states. it's an unsettling proposition to imagine canada swinging hard to the right for the next 50 years because the kids hate liberals for taking away their fun, but we're on the brink of it.

one more time.

as mentioned, i think this is required to refocus. it will help me remember what i'm doing and what needs to be done.

- june 16th: doubled up salsa with chick peas, cheese, spices and vitamins.

- june 17th: onion soup bacon poutine

- june 18th: basic doritos nachos and french onon soup with bacon

- june 19th: doubled up salsa reprise

- june 20th: caesar salad without subs

- june 21st: 2nd onion soup poutine with onion soup and last chance salad

- june 22rd: 3rd onion soup poutine with onion soup with beets

- june 23rd: caesar salad without subs

- june 24th: caesar salad without subs

- june 25th: bacon and eggs without subs, no salsa

- june 26th: bacon and eggs without subs, no salsa

- june 27th: ad hoc pad thai

- june 28th: broccoli soup

- june 29th: fridge-clearing meal (oranges & garlic bread)

- june 30th: kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 1st:    kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 2nd:  kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 3rd:  10 packages of instant oatmeal, in 5 installments. spaghetti-os + spices & vitamins (cumin, cayenne, pepper, oregano, paprika, sunflower seed, hemp seed, nutritional yeast, frank's).

- july 4th:  a can of stew and a can of corn, plus spices & vitamins.

- july 5th: a package of jasmine rice i had put aside as a quinoa sub (it probably isn't), with a can of peas and a can of tomato soup, plus spices and vitamins.

- july 6th: a can of beans cooked in a can of vegetable soup, plus spices and vitamins.

- july 7th:  two cans of chicken noodle soup, plus spices and vitamins. tim's xl double-double coffee in morning. two builders protein mini bars in evening. 7-11 coffee with jalapeno taquito late at night.

- july 8th: food bank junk food eat through - two bags of "real vegetable chips" (one big, one small), a bag of goldfish crackers, one mini crispy crunch, some strawberry licorice, prime energy drink, two tim horton's donuts, little ceasar's pepperoni pizza with unlabelled chocolate milk product.

- july 9th: another prime energy drink with another unlabelled chocolate milk product, unlabelled food bank ginger bread (two loaves)

- july 10th: pasta with minor subs (1), third energy drink, sour cream n cheddar chips

- july 11th: sour cream 'n' bacon, sour cream 'n' onion chips

- july 12th: more licorice, pasta with minor subs (2)

- july 13th: jalapeno cheddar chips, pasta with minor subs (3)

- july 14th: 10 baby cookies, pasta with minor subs (4)

- july 15th: i ate most of the 14th pasta on the 15th and followed it with the remaining baby cookies (which are actually french butter cookies, not baby cookies. they look like baby cookies). i did not make pasta for the 15th.

- july 16th:.  pasta with minor subs (5)

- july 17th:  pasta with minor subs (6)

- july 18th:  pasta with minor subs (7)

i tried the marshmallow coffee again today and while it did melt better, it didn't sweeten up the coffee very much. i guess it speaks to how strong my coffee is. it's not an espresso, but i'm taking about three ice cream scoops per 15ish oz cup.

i was going to use jello in the coffee too, because it's not food either, but now i don't know.

what else can i do with 20-30 marshmallows?

i am constantly getting spun around in circles by these disgusting losers. i need to catch up on my email and go through the narrative at the blog simultaneously. 

i've figured out what's wrong with my hair. it was just about cleaned out, and then they drugged me again. i've been going through hot flashes over the last few weeks, and sweating it out. i think it's just more pronounced this time, for some reason i don't want to guess at, but the testosterone is building up in my hair and essentially ruining it. the reason i've had such great hair for so long is that estrogen makes your hair stronger and softer.

these people are disgusting fucking retards. my great hair is of extreme importance to me; i don't give the slightest fuck about their disgusting fantasies.

i had to spend the day washing my hair, again, but it seems like it's washing through. they cannot continue to do this. it's revoltingly gross., and they're revoltingly gross people. when will they fucking learn?

i'm beyond sick of this.

he would, of course, just pardon himself. and he would.

following the precedent set by biden, he could even pardon himself for any future indictments, that haven't yet been defined.

i mean, this is how trump thinks. these are the things trump is likely actually concerned about.

i'm not sure he'd even care if there was evidence of him having sex with a 17 year old from twenty years ago. my read is that there isn't, but i don't think it's what he's actually thinking about.

the other thing you should realize about epstein and trump is that this is the trump show. this is not the epstein show. do you think he wants to get upstaged by this dead guy?

i'm also thinking about what would happen next if the fbi actually released a list of wealthy pedophiles.

the answer is they'd all fly to countries where the us justice system can't get them, like russia or china. 

that can't be what anybody actually wants.

rather, if you want to catch anybody that the department has a lead on, it's better to let them explore the lead on their own terms, and wait until they can move to indict.

i mean, maybe there's a basic disconnect here. this isn't a political issue. this is a legal issue. it's not about ruining the political lives of anybody involved, it's about trying to press charges against them.

this request to release a list of people the fbi is investigating consequently doesn't make any sense, unless you're on the list and want to know to flee the country.

why exactly is it that democrats care so much about muslims and so little about the poor?

because muslims have better lobbyists.

that is the actual truth.

the reason that politicians seek the influence of muslim voters, and powerful muslim lobby groups that often represent foreign governments rather than local voters, is precisely because they have large amounts of money to contribute to their political campaigns. that's the point. the arab blood money has deep, deep pockets.

transgendered people are a repressed minority on this continent, and increasingly so.

muslims are not. they are a part of the elite.

the reason trump won in 2016 was because he was the centrist candidate. rubio, cruz and kasich were far right. he swung to the extremes in the election to get the vote out and it worked. it's never been where he is in the spectrum. he's always been a liberal republican.

he's a lame duck now.

he should rebrand back to the center and try to take some of these freaks down.

if there's some conflict developing between pam bondi and the maga losers, trump should fire the maga losers. ms bondi appears to be the only person around him that is halfways educated and moderately bright. she's an asset. people like laura loomer and marjorie taylor greene are liabilities.

in fact, it might be good for the country for trump to primary some of these losers and get rid of them.

maybe we should just donate all the cheap steel to russia, or to starving construction firms in africa.

again.

what they're doing is trying to build a wall around a us-canada economic zone by unilaterally aligning with us policy in the hopes the white house will change it's mind, and it's so delusional and stupid that it's borderline treason. that is the way this should increasingly be looked at, as the canadian government continues to make decisions that are not in the best interests of canadians.

is the construction industry complaining that the cost of steel is too low?

what the fuck?

it's not a problem. it's cheap capital input.

we should take as much cheap steel as we can get. it will lower prices.

why are we so fucking stupid? do we want inflation?

https://www.bnnbloomberg.ca/tariffs/2025/07/18/understanding-canadas-moves-to-block-cheap-steel-imports/

don't let their propaganda confuse you. you're being brainwashed.

they represent a far right, extremely social conservative political agenda that wants to turn the clocks back to the dark ages. as hitchens said, they pose as victims, but they aren't. they masquerade on the left, but they don't exist in it. they have tremendous wealth, tremendous influence and tremendous power. they pose a serious threat to the secular foundations of western democracy that needs to be taken seriously and blocked before it gets a toehold on power, which they will use to enforce their religion on everybody.

i don't want people of any faith making political decisions; i don't care if you're a christian, a muslim, a hindu, a jew, a sikh, whatever. if i think you believe in god, i won't vote for you. if you tell me you believe in god, i'll campaign against you.

i've been targeted by muslims here in windsor, but i might have been targeted by christians, and i wouldn't react differently if it was christians that were attacking me. that's not what i'm dealing with.

we need to address this problem head on, to ensure that our secular political institutions don't get taken over by backwards religious ideologies. it's imperative and sort of an emergency, and it's going to remain that way for at least a generation, until we can find some way to strip muslim immigrants of their faith, and assimilate them into the secular culture. that's going to be a serious challenge, but we succeeded in secularizing the irish and italians and jews and forcing them to abandon their faiths and we will succeed in secularizing the muslims and stripping them of their faith, too.

in the short run, until they are assimilated, they can't be in government making decisions. i would not welcome them, as i would not welcome christians, and i would not welcome jews or sikhs. 

if you let them turn the clocks back, they will. for now, we still have a democracy, and we can still use it to keep them out of power.

muslims are one of the most successful demographic groups in the country.

there is no systemic discrimination against muslims in north america. there is, however, a lot of healthy apprehension about the consequences of allowing people that adhere to religious ideologies to make political decisions, and that apprehension should be adhered to.

if it turns out that new yorkers decide they don't want to be ruled by a muslim, that's a valid expression of democracy, and one i'd be in agreement with.

there's nothing wrong with that, and americans should take offense to and push pack against the idea that there is. the west has already been through the difficult process of being colonized by and getting rid of christianity; it has good reason to want to learn from it's mistakes, and not want to turn the clocks back to christian hegemony.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2025/jul/18/zohran-mamdani-islamophobia-new-york-mayor

what trump actually did with epstein is likely equivalent to behaving like an immature, wealthy 25 year old male, when he was 50. there's likely dozens or hundreds of reasons for him to be ashamed and embarrassed, in hindsight. i don't suspect there's many reasons to send him to jail.

what is my reading on this?

my reading on this is that it was trump that went after epstein in the first place. trump is obviously trying to hide something, but it might be the opposite of what you think.

i don't doubt that trump probably has some skeletons in his closet. i think he's gay. however, my perception is that that's just exactly the point - it was trump that had the data to put epstein away, not the other way around. look at the women that trump has spent time with publicly, and compare them to ghislaine maxwell.

my guess is that trump is embarrassed and rightfully so and that he would have been a key witness against epstein, but i strongly doubt that he has much to answer for himself. that's my perception.

want better answers? subpoena melania.

why exactly would the fbi have a client list for jeffrey epstein?

did epstein keep an excel file of pedophiles on his laptop?

does this actually make any sense?

you'd think that if there's some collection of data in the form of wires, etc it would be more complex than a list.

i want you to think about this the other way around.

perhaps these guys were fbi spooks doing psy ops in the first place. 

isn't that the only thing that makes sense?

to me, this is a bigger story.

this woman lived such an awful life. i sincerely hope that the people that harmed her are held to account and brought to justice.

i actually believe trump. he didn't write this letter.

that doesn't matter. he's done.

you're fired, donald.

now, who's running the pentagon? rupert murdoch? fuck.

don coyote thought he signed a good deal with the uk.

well, now you've gone and done it, you've pissed off rupert murdoch.

https://www.vanityfair.com/news/story/rupert-murdoch-media-empire-trump-tariffs

i would support subsidizing canadian steel manufacturers explicitly to produce steel to build subsidized housing, including housing on reserves.

https://nationalpost.com/news/politics/afn-national-chief-says-fast-tracked-projects-bill-should-come-with-plan-for-infrastructure-for-reserves

he said it himself.

He said foreign steel accounts for about two-thirds of Canada's consumption for the metal, which is used in the construction of infrastructure projects, the production of cars and ships, and in manufacturing. 

so, expect the cost of housing, the cost of cars and the cost of anything else you buy with steel in it to go up dramatically, purportedly to save less than 1000 dirty coal-smelting jobs that i'd be happy to outsource to china altogether, but in truth to appease american military goons.

https://www.morningstar.com/news/dow-jones/202507166090/canada-imposes-limits-on-steel-imports-from-all-countries-except-for-us-mexico

it's one thing for the government to buy steel from local producers and use it in government projects. that's ok. it may not be the decision the market would make, and it may not be the most efficient use of taxpayer dollars, but it is a decision by local government to subsidize local industry. the items being made are not going to be sold on any sort of a market, so it sort of doesn't matter. it's a handout to industry.

it is another thing to tell the local real estate market or the local automobile sector - which the media is not even mentioning - that it has to pay 30% or 90% more for steel by buying locally because it is no longer able to access resources at more competitive prices. that is going to lead to massive increases in the prices of the goods that are going to have gigantic markups, and in sectors that we can't afford to see that happen in.

the right approach is to allow foreign steel manufacturers to import steel at lower prices for goods being sold as commodities and to subsidize local industry by prioritizing local contracts in government building. that saves the jobs (which i don't think are that valuable, but whatever. that's government policy i disagree with.) without creating tremendous inflationary pressure in key, specific sectors that we need prices to come down in. that means you ban foreign companies (including american companies!) from competing on government contracts, but you don't put tariffs on the general import of foreign steel. i strongly oppose the latter measure, as it will create absurd amounts of inflation.

as it is, i don't particularly care about building weapons for nato. that's not on my priority list. my priority list is building more housing. this policy is going to hurt canadians and help american military planners in washington. 

it's so blatantly stupid that it's almost treasonous.

i don't want to import milk from new zealand. it's on the other side of the world.

that's retarded.

https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/political/567278/new-zealand-reaches-deal-with-canada-in-long-running-dairy-trade-dispute

this is terrible policy.

we're retarded.

https://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/article/thousands-of-canadians-to-start-receiving-invitations-to-apply-to-sponsor-parents-and-grandparents/

i did not think and still do not think that prolonging the lives of 85 year olds by a few months was worth the restrictions on civil liberties that young, healthy people had to endure, and my perception is that the fact that it was the capitalist left that became the no fun party during the pandemic is what has shifted so many young people to the right, in what appears to be the start of a long term cultural reversal. conservatives are now the cool kids, and liberals are now the losers. michael j fox is shaking in his seat.

i want to repeat that i'm sure i was vaccinated against measles some time in the 80s. i'm 44 years old. this was decades ago.

i did not think covid vaccination was something healthy people should do, because the chances of complications from the vaccine, while low, appeared to be higher than the chances of complications from the virus. strictly playing the odds actually meant you should try to beat it on your own. nor was i very concerned about building herd immunity to the common cold, or did i think it was very plausible to happen. i argued it was the responsibility of the vulnerable to protect themselves from infection, not my responsibility to protect them from getting infected.

measles, on the other hand, has a 20% hospitalization rate. it's a much more serious disease, and you should absolutely vaccinate your kids.

actually, it's apparently not even italian, it's from fucking seattle.

i'll make sure i get an even flow of coffee over it, and maybe checker the marshmallows in a coloured pattern.

what i'm describing is apparently an italian delicacy called Caffè Gommosa, with an extremely unnecessary accent grave that i find starkly offensive. you damned wops didn't need to pull that accent grave out like that. fuck. settle down.

the answer is that it does get rubbery, and i'm supposed to like it.

i guess we'll have to see.

the food bank gave me marshmallows. are marshmallows food? i'm not sure. 

i don't think i've had a marshmallow in over 20 years.

so, what do i do with these things? i decided to try them in my coffee, and it didn't work because i put the cold milk in first (and i used a fair amount of milk). the result is a coffee with a sugar flotilla.

next time, i'll try to put the marshmallow in first, let it melt, and then add the coffee. does marshmallow stay melted or does it re-marshmallowize?

what canada is doing in response to trump is repeating exactly the same mistake that stalin made, and which devastated their economy, and stopped communism from working in russia.

we are the dumbest country in the world.

maybe everybody should sit down for ten minutes and give this a read through:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comparative_advantage

mark carney is the apparatchik that just keeps on failing.

we could have had a smart response to trump. instead, we're getting socialism on one continent.

carney is about the last person in the world that i'd expect to ignore the lessons of ricardo, but here we are. and it's going to hurt.

i mean, i should have <1. if >4 is concerning, 3.9 is a concern. my logic is still valid.

based on that article i posted, i still want to follow up, but it's merely mildly concerning, not the emergency google tried to sell me on.

the creatinine, however, remains extremely high, and remains a clear indirect marker of being drugged with steroids.

see, then you go the webmd and see it's the same as the ai and think it confirms it, but that's backwards. the ai got the wrong information from the webmd.

this is a classic example of why relying on ai is dangerous.

this is wrong because it's confusing urine and blood levels, but the ai only reports what you tell it, and the same mistake being presented in the ai exists at webmd and other sites

and, in fact, i'm realizing that the internet is confused about blood and urine ketone levels.

many, many relatively reliable websites define ketonuria using blood concentrations. that is, they say that urine ketones over 3.5 is a medical emergency, but the ranges they are reporting seem to be the same as blood, which seems suspect.

i had to dig down the results a little, but i think this is a better definiton:

We categorized ketosis according to blood β-OHB levels as absent (<0.6 mmol/l), mild (0.6–1.5 mmol/l), moderate (1.6–3 mmol/l) or marked (>3 mmol/l). Ketonuria was semi-quantified as mild, moderate or marked for urine ketone levels of 1–4 mmol/l, 5–14 mmol/l and ≥15 mmol/l, respectively. The presence of ketoacidosis was assessed using both definitions suggested by the American Diabetes Association (ADA) and the Joint British Diabetes Society (JBDS) [15, 16].

https://ccforum.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13054-016-1462-7#:~:text=Definitions,15%20mmol%2Fl%2C%20respectively

at 3.9, that would put me in the mild category, and not be that concerning at all.

but if the blood results were 3.9, i'd be dead.

there's a reason i couldn't make sense of it - it was wrong.

if you ever saw lou rip a chew toy to pieces, you'd understand his concern.

when i was a kid, i had a dog named lou. it was technically my sister's dog; my dog was goldie. they were sisters, from the same litter. lou didn't live very long, as she got bone cancer.

lou was a good enough dog, but you couldn't give lou anything to chew, as she'd rip right through it. this worried my father, as lou's teeth were extremely sharp and he had two young kids of his own, in addition to extended family and kids in the neighbourhood to worry about. so, he took lou to the vet.

lou, it turns out, was genetically superior to other dogs. those sharp, pointy teeth were wolf dna. it didn't make her more dangerous, but it did mean that humans around her would have to be a little careful.

maybe i'm like lou; maybe i'm genetically superior.

it doesn't alter the evidence that i've been drugged with steroids.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2995232/

ok.

i don't eat several times a day. i eat once a day. i drink liquids like water, coffee, pop, milk, soy milk and juice through the day. it had been about 10 hours since i'd had a meal when i took the test, but i would not have eaten before that for a full day, and a full day before that, etc. i will only rarely do things like eat a bag of chips or a pile of cookies in between, and i may end up skipping meals on days that i do.

i'm not starving myself. i'm not anorexic. if i was more hungry, i would eat more; in fact, i often have to force myself to eat what i do eat. i also make gigantic meals, as can be verified. these pasta plates are restaurant-sized portions and full of carbs.

but i'm eating one plate a day, even if it takes me a few tries. i could go 15, 20, 25 hours before the next meal.

some level of urinary ketones make sense in that context, because i'm burning the fat i'm storing. i eat well and stay thin because my metabolism is working. i was said to have a fast metabolism as a child.

it doesn't explain the extreme elevation. that ketone level should mean i'm dying; it's unhealthy. but, i should have some low level of ketones, and i suppose it's possible that my daily 15+ hour fasts are amplifying the steroid results.

i think that makes a moderate amount of sense.

trump's actually got a problem in front of him, in that his base has realized he's not a republican and never was. they seem to have figured out the truth that nobody else can see, which is that trump is in truth the lamest of all lame duck presidents, and are seeking to push him out.

i'd say his days are numbered.

you heard it here first: expect trump to resign within three months, so they can focus on the midterms. he's done.

canada should do nothing, but wait. vance looks like a bum, but he will pull back on these dumb tariffs.

one more time.

as mentioned, i think this is required to refocus. it will help me remember what i'm doing and what needs to be done.

- june 16th: doubled up salsa with chick peas, cheese, spices and vitamins.

- june 17th: onion soup bacon poutine

- june 18th: basic doritos nachos and french onon soup with bacon

- june 19th: doubled up salsa reprise

- june 20th: caesar salad without subs

- june 21st: 2nd onion soup poutine with onion soup and last chance salad

- june 22rd: 3rd onion soup poutine with onion soup with beets

- june 23rd: caesar salad without subs

- june 24th: caesar salad without subs

- june 25th: bacon and eggs without subs, no salsa

- june 26th: bacon and eggs without subs, no salsa

- june 27th: ad hoc pad thai

- june 28th: broccoli soup

- june 29th: fridge-clearing meal (oranges & garlic bread)

- june 30th: kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 1st:    kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 2nd:  kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 3rd:  10 packages of instant oatmeal, in 5 installments. spaghetti-os + spices & vitamins (cumin, cayenne, pepper, oregano, paprika, sunflower seed, hemp seed, nutritional yeast, frank's).

- july 4th:  a can of stew and a can of corn, plus spices & vitamins.

- july 5th: a package of jasmine rice i had put aside as a quinoa sub (it probably isn't), with a can of peas and a can of tomato soup, plus spices and vitamins.

- july 6th: a can of beans cooked in a can of vegetable soup, plus spices and vitamins.

- july 7th:  two cans of chicken noodle soup, plus spices and vitamins. tim's xl double-double coffee in morning. two builders protein mini bars in evening. 7-11 coffee with jalapeno taquito late at night.

- july 8th: food bank junk food eat through - two bags of "real vegetable chips" (one big, one small), a bag of goldfish crackers, one mini crispy crunch, some strawberry licorice, prime energy drink, two tim horton's donuts, little ceasar's pepperoni pizza with unlabelled chocolate milk product.

- july 9th: another prime energy drink with another unlabelled chocolate milk product, unlabelled food bank ginger bread (two loaves)

- july 10th: pasta with minor subs, third energy drink, sour cream n cheddar chips

- july 11th: sour cream 'n' bacon, sour cream 'n' onion chips

- july 12th: more licorice, pasta with minor subs

- july 13th: jalapeno cheddar chips, pasta with minor subs

- july 14th: 10 baby cookies, pasta with minor subs

- july 15th: i ate most of the 14th pasta on the 15th and followed it with the remaining baby cookies (which are actually french butter cookies, not baby cookies. they look like baby cookies). i did not make pasta for the 15th.

- july 16th: i have not eaten yet today but will make pasta just after 23:00, before i take an overdue shower.

the real reason they're doing this is not to protect jobs, anyways. they don't even have a labour minister. they don't care about workers.

what they're trying to do is align their policies with american policies in hopes that it will change the white house's mind, which is magical thinking. it's utterly delusional.

ricardo is frequently cited by free trade economists, but i know he was a socialist.

in fact, i could aggressively argue that one of the reasons socialism has historically failed is that it won't listen to ricardo. this is what trump has done to us - he's got us making the same mistakes the soviets made in the 20s and 30s.

blocking steel imports to try to protect jobs is stupid. there's no other way to put it. it will fail, and it will wreak havoc in the housing sector.

this is going to increase the cost of building, and lead to less construction, at a time when we need to build more houses. it will have minimal to no effect on steel production in canada.

if canada can't compete in the steel industry, it should shift to the production of goods it can compete in. that's what ricardan theory is supposed to teach us. adding tariffs to save canadian steel production when it simply can't compete is stupid and counterproductive

meanwhile, if the americans want to dramatically increase the cost of building by forcing domestic production, it's local economy can and will suffer the consequences of that. this will not benefit them in the long run, it will just lead to less manufacturing.

https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/carney-steel-support-steel-1.7586256

the point of this document, which will be quite lengthy, is that i'm presenting evidence that i have been repeatedly drugged with what has over time clarified itself as anabolic steroids since at least the summer of 2023 in an attempt to aggressively undo my decision to undergo gender transition. the new piece of evidence i am presenting to police is a recent drug test taken on july 7, 2025, with results made available between july 9, 2025 and july 15, 2025. however, this is also the first in a series of blood tests that are forthcoming.

introduction

i'm using blogger.com as a word processor to write this document because my property remains semi-packed and will remain semi-packed until a series of issues is resolved. i would like to stay in this apartment, but i need the issue of the harassment addressed and neutralized, along with a number of other concerns that need to be addressed. i can't stay here and just keep getting assaulted indefinitely.

i have been being stalked since at least november, 2021 and have brought the issue up to police, to property owners, to property management, to the court, to doctors and to lawyers and paralegals. despite clear evidence, i have not succeeded in convincing any party to act (except my doctor, in the limited capacity that he can), which is a consequence of clear prejudicial attitudes about my gender and gender identity. when i have moved to prosecute legally and civilly for repeatedly harassing me, i've been further victimized by systemic attitudes of transphobia and, frankly, of underlying misandry and misogyny working together that don't take the idea of me being harassed seriously because i happen to have been born male. these macho attitudes are discriminatory and need to be discarded. i need action taken and arrests made; i need this to stop.

it has been clear since mid 2023 that some party is periodically drugging me with testosterone in a failed attempt to undo a gender transition that i've been living partially since 2002 and intensely since 2009. my family appears to be responsible for financing this harassment, which has been carried out by the local religious muslim community on terms set by their religious laws, which have no legal basis or legal value in canadian jurisprudence. while this has been clear to me, i have struggled to generate the evidence required to prosecute in a court of law; the level of proof required to understand you've been drugged is not the same thing as the level of proof required to prosecute somebody for drugging you. i've also come up against a very conservative police force and a very conservative court system, that almost seems to take the side of the muslim clerics in their decision to forcibly drug me, and at the least isn't very interested in the individual rights crusade of somebody trying to stand up for their right of freedom from religion.

i am not aware of any muslims in my extended family. i have recently conducted a dna test at ancestry.com, and it came back primarily norse (it identified markers that were swedish, finnish, norwegian, north scots, irish, east slavic (polish, russian or ukrainian), italo-gothic, anglo-dutch and franco-norman), with a secondary minor roman/latin origin franco-italian ancestry that the dna clarified as real but is confusing due to my italian grandmother being adopted after her parents were tied to a set of railroad tracks in an apparent mob hit in ottawa in the 1930s. my father's family's connection to organized crime is something i have no real grasp of and don't at all understand, and i don't know if it is relevant to the situation, but it very well might be. the ancestry.com results suggested i'm related to the gotti clan on my father's side, and that is the only real evidence i've ever had presented to me that i have mob ancestry. my father's family was quebecois catholic and my mother's family was western canadian anglican, but i was not raised religiously. in addition to the norse and latin ancestors, i do appear to have one jewish ancestor from spain on my mother's side that settled in philadelphia in the 18th century, a trace amount of directly celtic welsh ancestry and one semi-legendary mikmaq ancestor from colonial francophone quebecois lore that appears to be real due to the existence of clovis markers (indigenous genetic identifiers) in parts of my dna. my father's family understands it has indigenous ancestry, but does not identify as indigenous or metis but rather considers itself franco-italian. my finnish ancestry is from the part of finland that was founded as a swedish colony and appears to be almost entirely swedish in origin; i don't have ethnic finn markers in my dna. i consequently identify as north germanic or norse-celtic, as that is where roughly 85% of my dna originates (germanic-norse-celt-slav), with almost all of the rest of it being latin (franco-italian). i can also identify trace jewish and mikmaq markers in my dna and realize there are probably trace relics of ethnic finn ancestry in my dna that were not measured in the test. i tested my y-dna as being r1b and austrian celt, with the mutation having first developed in the bronze age indo-european celtic civilization of central europe (the halstatt culture). the point i'm making is that i have made a substantive attempt to understand where i'm from, and i'm not arab or muslim. i'm simply not interested in middle eastern legal systems or middle eastern cultural traditions; i would prefer to live in the cultural inheritance of my own ancestry, which is the social and cultural system of scandinavia and the common law legal system of germanic england, which is a strictly secular legal tradition. i would be extremely hostile to people of arab descent attempting to enforce muslim religious values on me; i would consider it to be colonization, and insist it should be struggled against on those grounds, explicitly.

however, i have a history of legal conflict with the local muslim community, which i have settled two human rights complaints against, previously (both from complaints of transphobia). i previously filed human rights complaints against a grocery store and against an er doctor for discrimination against me because i'm transgendered, both of whom are muslim. in both filings, i brought up concerns about arabic law being enforced upon me and the need to protect myself from this and push back against it. i do not know if that information is relevant, but have repeatedly suspected it is. the previous conflict with the muslim er doctor may provide a lead for police in determining where the drugs are coming from. i also have a history of conflict with the windsor police department itself and have wondered periodically if i'm dealing with a grudge or process of revenge being carried out, in retribution for having officers fired due to misconduct.

i had a strong suspicion that the locks would be changed if i left to take a blood test, so i repeatedly sought blood work at home between the summer of 2023 and the spring of 2025 (and refused to leave the house at all), but was repeatedly refused. my doctor sent out several requisitions as he wanted the blood work done more than anybody. windsor has a local blood lab (medical labs of windsor) with roughly a dozen locations, and they refused to send somebody to my home due to claimed safety concerns, which i believe were manufactured by police. it is true that my door was slightly barricaded to try to prevent people from getting in to drug me, but this did not cause any discernible safety concerns for phlebotomists looking to come in. this is the kind of victimization i'm constantly dealing with in trying to navigate how to prosecute my stalkers and harassers. the barricades were there for my safety, they did not pose a definable safety hazard. neither lifelabs nor dynacare responded to my doctor's requisition at all. i had an ambulance show up at my door at one point that refused to do blood work but did do ecg testing that provided strong evidence that i'd recently been drugged with anabolic steroids, when i wasn't sure at that point what i was being drugged with (meth? testosterone?). since that point in time, i've been trying to very carefully generate evidence that i'm being periodically drugged with steroids, specifically.

after a lengthy process that i believe was riddled with legal and factual errors and coloured by systemic levels of transphobia, and which i am continuing to appeal, i was evicted in april of 2025. i saw my doctor at the end of may and got a blood requisition, but i wanted to wait until i was certain they'd pick something up. a game of chicken with my stalkers set in over june and i believe i was drugged either on june 26th or on july 1st, or both. police were called on july 4th and july 6th. bloodwork was done on july 7, 2025.

as the primary purpose of this document is to present the bloodwork, let me address it first. i will then work through the history backwards, presenting further evidence in a backwards manner.

why i waited to get bloodwork done

police have repeatedly expressed confusion about why i didn't get bloodwork done sooner. if i'd really been drugged, why didn't i go get evidence? it's not quite that easy.

first, note that i was concerned about the safety of leaving the house. in hindsight, i can't really know how real my concerns were, or if my locks would have been changed when i was gone, but i believed them to be very real and believed my locks would be changed. my concern initially stemmed from the observation that the new property owner apparently spent her entire summer holidays in the new house, apparently waiting for me to leave. why? i was operating on body language and a series of blatant cues, including people banging on my door. i was being overly cautious, but i think my concerns were real. i did not want to end up sleeping outside and felt it was a very real concern. i was not able to get a home lab visit, and i did try more than twice.

second, note that i take a lot of hormones and that anything introduced to the hormones i take voluntarily is added to the mix. i predicted that this would make it difficult to pick up a clear signal and would require that i get my blood taken in a very limited time frame after being drugged in order to actually catch somebody drugging me.

- i take high dosages of estradiol every six hours. my estradiol should be in the 450-900 range.

- i take progesterone every six hours. my progesterone should always be above 15 and usually be above 20.

- i also take testosterone blockers every six hours. my testosterone should be trace, that is <0.3. the result should say trace or unmeasurable, and be <0.3 or <0.4. to be clear: the result should be less than an upper limit, and not a measurable amount. any measured amount of testosterone would indicate a spike in t levels.

the fact that i take testosterone blockers every six hours means i'm constantly giving my body powerful tools to clear any testosterone from my system. if somebody is able to get into my apartment and drug me when i'm sleeping, or put something in my food, they may at most be able to introduce more testosterone every 24-36 hours, depending on my habits. i generally eat once a day, but i might not always eat the item that was tampered with. more realistically they might be able to introduce testosterone at most every 48 hours or even only once or twice a week. it follows that i will have at least four opportunities to block the testosterone for every opportunity they have to introduce it - and probably at least 10 opportunities - and i intend to make use of those extra opportunities and always have made use of them to remove the introduced testosterone at every point. i do not want to go off t-blockers to catch them, as i'd have to suffer the consequences of that. that make this very hard.

i have long suspected, without clear empirical evidence but rather based on what i experienced, that the drugs were being removed from my system extremely efficiently. i am pretty healthy; in recent years (since the pandemic), i have consumed almost no alcohol and smoked almost nothing. i have recently bicycled a little less than i did a few years ago due to circumstances, but i still get a fair amount of cardio in. it's also simply the case that what i experienced was being drugged, in the sense that i felt myself "get high on testosterone", i experienced very short term physical effects while i was high on testosterone that could not be explained any other way, and then i very clearly "came down" and watched the effects dissipate. it was pretty clear that the testosterone they were drugging me with was not working very well, and thankfully so, as it was about the last thing in the world that i was interested in. however, if the testosterone only took a few days to clear from my system, it would take up to two weeks to fully undo the most egregious result, which was unwanted face and body hair. it would, however, quite predictably clear in a relatively short amount of time, until they drugged me again. the primary way i've been determining if i've recently been drugged again or not is to take note of whether i'm growing hair on my stomach or not, as i did not grow hair on my stomach before i want into transition in 2002 and i certainly shouldn't be randomly growing hair there now. that particular metric is clear and unambiguous.

i also want to take note of the fact that i was castrated in the summer of 2021 in a surgical procedure called an orchiectomy. this castration process fully removed my testicles, which renders me unable to produce testosterone, except via my adrenal gland.  i need some small amount of testosterone to manufacture red blood cells. the small amount of testosterone i produce now, post-castration, is bio-identical to the amount that ciswomen produce, also primarily for the purpose of red blood cell manufacture.

it is impossible to explain how i would spontaneously grow hair on my stomach after being castrated when i never did before and i'm continuing to take t-blockers without introducing some external source entering my body via tampered with food, pills and/or injections. there have been other painful and embarrassing symptoms, but it is the stomach hair that is most clearly the result of an introduced substance, as i never, ever grew hair there previously, at all.

urine testing as a better way to catch being drugged with anabolic steroids

given that my experience has been that i'm very efficiently clearing any drugs being non-consensually introduced into my system by force, i asked my doctor to test my liver and kidney functions to determine if i was experiencing signs of damage. 

my blood test for liver function came back in the normal range:

ALT / SGPT - 21                                      (range: 0 - 54 IU/L)

this would suggest my liver is in good health. this is relieving. however, the tests for kidney health are less clear.

CK - 68                                                     (range: 24 - 170 IU/L)

CREATININE - 88                                   (range: 40 - 100 umol/L)

eGFR  - 69 if female, 96 if male                (range: > 90 is normal, 60-90 is slightly damaged)

note that egfr is a gender-based test and that the result is determined by a constant that is altered for gender. this results in a higher value for men than women, based on the same data, but the healthy ranges are the same for both genders, despite the existence of this manipulative constant. that's why there's two results; there are two different formulas, with distinct constants in them. i have spoken to an endocrinologist about this, and it is not clear how to adjust the egfr calculation for a transgendered person, other than to do both calculations and make a reasonable analysis. as my ck and creatinine are both in normal ranges, and my egfr is on the lowish side (low but healthy if male, slightly damaged if female), it would suggest that my kidneys are slightly overworked but are working well at efficient clearance and not experiencing damage. if my kidneys were damaged, it would also result in high ck and creatinine in addition to the low egfr, because they wouldn't be getting cleared.

the urine test result upholds this:

URINE CREATININE - 37.84                  (range: 5 - 16 mmol/L for females, 7-18 mmol/L for men)

URINE ALBUMIN  - 19                           (range: 0 - 20 mg/L for females)

ALBUMIN/CREATININE RATIO  - 0.5  (range: 0 - 2.8 mg/mmol)

this result, when cross-referenced to the blood test result, clearly indicates that i've successfully recently removed a very large amount of creatinine and a relatively large amount of albumin from my bloodstream and that it put some stress on my kidneys but left me with healthy blood test results. it would suggest i'm still healthy and have normal blood test results, but that i recently experienced a little bit of organ stress, and that had the test been taken 24-48 hours earlier (when i experienced symptoms of being drugged), that that elevated creatinine result would have probably been in my blood rather than my urine. this is exactly what i was worried about in potentially missing the positive result due to the high amount of t blockers being consumed, and trying to guess when the best time to take the test would be. if i had taken the test 48 hours later, i might have missed it altogether.

the question to ask is what would cause so much creatinine and so much albumin together and the correct answer is that it is strong evidence of being drugged with anabolic steroids. 

alternate explanations

1) protein. a combination of normal blood creatinine and high urine creatinine may also be caused by having recently eaten a very, very large amount of meat protein. creatinine is not present in plants. i have been taking note of my diet recently and that is not the case:

- june 30th: kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 1st:    kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 2nd:  kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 3rd:  10 packages of instant oatmeal, in 5 installments. spaghetti-os + spices & vitamins (cumin, cayenne, pepper, oregano, paprika, sunflower seed, hemp seed, nutritional yeast, frank's).

- july 4th:  a can of stew and a can of corn, plus spices & vitamins.

- july 5th: a package of jasmine rice i had put aside as a quinoa sub (it probably isn't), with a can of peas and a can of tomato soup, plus spices and vitamins.

- july 6th: a can of beans cooked in a can of vegetable soup, plus spices and vitamins.

- july 7th:  two cans of chicken noodle soup, plus spices and vitamins.

while there is a little bit of processed meat in this diet, and i add a reasonable amount of essential amino acids to almost every meal in the form of hemp seeds and nutritional yeast, it is not very likely that the chicken noodle soup i had on the morning of july 7th or the can of stew i had on the morning of july 4th caused such extremely elevated creatinine levels, even with a tablespoon of hemp seeds and a tablespoon of nutritional yeast. urine creatinine at twice healthy levels would require consuming something like an excess multitude of hamburgers or a very, very large steak. that is really a crazy test result.

2) dehydration. creatinine may be elevated during dehydration, but blood urea is a better indicator and my urea was normal, indicating i was likely not substantively dehydrated:

UREA - 4.9                        (range: 2.5 - 8 mmol/L)

i did not feel dehydrated. it was a little cooler out on the 7th than it has been for much of the summer.

3) strenuous exercise. i had not done any strenuous exercise on this day. i had bicycled a short distance to the lab and was not at all stressed by it.

ketones in urine, not diabetic

a second marker in my urine is considered a symptom of extreme levels of diabetes and a medical emergency:

KETONES, URINE - 3.9 mmol/L     (range: <0.6)

however, i'm not diabetic:

1) HbA1C - 5.0                 (non-diabetic range is 0 - 6 %)

2) RANDOM GLUCOSE - 4.9     (range: 3.6 - 8 mmol/L)

in fact, my random glucose was in normal fasting levels, when i was drinking a coffee, which is actually quite low. it had been several hours (roughly 10) since i'd eaten a big bowl of chicken soup, but i had just consumed a third an xl cup of coffee with a double double. there was a line at the blood lab, the tim's was across the street and i just forgot i was fasting and went across the street to get a coffee to wait in line. i wanted coffee. clearly.

i am struggling to understand this result, which google tells me is a medical emergency and should trigger a trip to the emergency room, but it can be explained by steroid use triggering insulin resistance. however, again, i have no symptoms of diabetes or insulin resistance.

i am in fact going to go to ask my doctor for an urgent monthly blood req when i'm done this document that will use what i learned from this blood test to build a more focused blood test to hone in on specific results that might catch the steroids more directly in blood and in urine. i may also need to go to the er to get particular tests done, such as a direct steroid test. i will add further results to the top of this document.

steroid test not covered by ohip

why didn't i get tested for steroids? because it's not covered. i am not critical of the fact that ohip does not cover this as getting drugged with steroids is not common, but i do need to get tested directly for steroids and will need to figure out how to get that covered. my ketones result is serious enough that i might get this done at an er.

what exactly are ketones?

ketones are created as a byproduct of your body metabolizing fat instead of glucose/sugar. when your metabolism is working correctly, you convert sugar into energy. when you can't convert sugar to energy, your body begins to break down fat and use it as fuel, instead. this is a sign of diabetes because it suggests you aren't getting sugar out of your blood, which is what insulin does; that clearly isn't the problem i was having. rather, this needs to be put in the context of the massive creatinine urine level:

what exactly is creatinine?

creatinine is produced into the blood when muscle breaks down and is then removed via kidneys and excreted in urine. very high creatinine in urine like this suggests a recent loss of a lot of muscle. given my blood and hormone chemistry, the actual question that needs to be asked is where the muscle came from in the first place, as i should have a very difficult time building any muscle, by design. i don't want to be muscular (i think it's gross) and take hormones and have had surgery to ensure i can't build muscle. i do a fair amount of cardio that is designed to burn fat, not to build muscle. i do not lift weights. i do not engage in resistance training. i shouldn't have all this creatinine to excrete. the only way i could have this much muscle buildup in my system in the first place is if i was drugged with steroids, experienced short term muscle build up and then experienced rapid muscle loss due to immediate withdrawal from the steroids. that is why the very, very high creatinine result suggests involuntary steroid use and withdrawal, in a process that mimics muscular dystrophy. the high creatinine and high ketones in my urine together suggest i was also burning fat for energy in addition to losing large amounts of muscle mass. could that be because the steroids forced me to deposit more fat, in the absence of weight-training and exercise?

i need to do more testing, clearly. 

blood hormone levels

as mentioned, testing my blood testosterone directly is difficult due to the amount of hormones i take. these are the results:

PROGESTERONE - 19.9 nmol/L

ESTRADIOL - 452 pmol/L

FSH < 0.2 IU/L

LH < 0.2 IU/L

PROLACTIN 30.93 ug/L

TESTOSTERONE 0.5 nmol/L

these are good results for a transgendered woman, but i want to note that i generally have a non-zero fsh and lh and that my testosterone is usually less than 0.5. while good for most transwomen, these results are different than what i expect. fsh and lh both at zero happens in men who take steroids. the non-trace testosterone, combined with the other blood and urine results, is also indicative of having recently been drugged, and having removed it via urine. i wish i had a urine testosterone result and will ask for that as a part of the new req.

broad spectrum toxicology

i tested negative for all drugs, including for meth and for mdma. on some level this is relieving, but it's also been a while since that was a concern. i was not tested for steroids, for viagra or for psilocybin.

new blood req

items requested for monthly req:

- blood and urine tests for anabolic steroids

- blood and urine cortisol (for corticosteroids)

- blood and urine tests for ketones

- blood and urine creatinine and albumin

- testosterone - blood and urine

- estradiol

- progesterone

- lh

- fsh

- prolactin

- urea

- ck

- alt

- efgr

- fasting glucose and fasting cholesterol

- hba1c

- broad spectrum toxicology

- any further tests determined as necessary

recent history

a small number of calls were made to police between when i moved in on may 9th and when i requested police arrive at my door on july 4th. i believe they succeeded in drugging me a few days before my doctor's appointment in may, as  experienced psilocybin like effects (something that happened repeatedly from 2023-2025). for that reason, i decided to wait until they drugged me again before i went to get the blood work done. i also made sure they knew i had a blood req ready to go, hoping it would scare them into leaving me alone.

i did not go outside between june 16th and july 7th, except to accept packages, check mail and talk to police.

my property manager sent a worker here on june 26th to seal some holes in the kitchen and bathroom. the worker noted that the bathroom sink was still leaking, despite there being somebody here to fix it a few days earlier. this worker was here early in the morning and disrupted my sleeping schedule, so i went back to sleep in the afternoon when he left. i woke up again around 16:00 to a plumber in my apartment (without notice) and began to notice effects of the drugging, including bumps on my stomach, within a few hours. i would consider it unlikely that the plumber drugged me, but they may have accidentally allowed the stalker in to the apartment when i was sleeping. i began to hear the stalker's voice claim "i can't believe this worked". the stalker is always very proud when he succeeds in harassing me, which i find baffling and disgusting. he would apparently rather brag about his crimes than try to hide them.

on july 1st, i woke up with a brutal splitting headache. early on the morning of july 3rd, i had the first of several bouts of vicious diarrhea. i woke up around 8:00 am on july 3rd shivering from near hypothermia, in 23-25 degree weather outside. i first noticed actual hair (rather than bumps) on my stomach on july 3rd, and had to stop to pluck it out. also on the 3rd, somebody repeatedly buzzed my door, which is an issue that traces back to the previous apartment (and which i documented then). on july 4th, they woke me up by generating an erection, which can't happen unless they drugged me recently, and which dissipated within a few seconds of waking up but left me in a painful and embarrassed state. i called police to document this. this happened again several times on the 4th, 5th and 6th and i called police a second time on the 6th. during these days, they told me they were going to enforce arabic law on me, they demanded i stop taking hormones so that they didn't interfere with their "therapy" and, at one point, they told me they wanted to engage in oral sex on me. it's been clear for a long time that they are doing this because they want to have sex with me, and are not interested in my repeated refusal to consent. i got my blood taken on the 7th and did not sleep in the morning on the 7th, 8th or 9th. i was not woken up on those days. i did notice some unwanted hair start to build up on the 9th, which was very time consuming to eliminate. they did wake me up again on the 10th in the same way they did on the 4th, 5th and 6th, leading me to wonder if they drugged me again. however, when they tried to wake me up on the 12th and 13th, they did not succeed in generating an erection, but only in waking me up (repeatedly), indicating the drugs had worn off. when i am not under the influence of the drugs they give me, i am not able to become erect because (1) i'm castrated and (2) i take t-blockers post-castration. i very, very rarely experienced erections pre-castration due to the t-blockers; i got surgery to stop taking t-blockers to save my liver, but went back on them when this started happening. they can still train me to wake up on command when i'm not under the influence of the steroids, and i will wake up when they command me to, but i don't wake up with the half limp but painful three second long erections i get when they drug me, i just wake up. sometimes, i may have heart palpitations (i did on the 13th), and i've learned that the heart palpitations are resolved by taking calcium in the form of extra strength antacids. calcium resolves the heart palpitations (a symptom of steroid use) because it is a muscle relaxant. 

as of the 14th, i believe i have cleared the most recently introduced steroids, there is no hair on my stomach, the hair on my legs has softened and thinned back to normal levels and the hair on my face that popped up after the 9th has largely been washed off. i expect that i'll be back to normal within a few days. this has forced me to stay inside and sit in the shower for hours, instead of go out to buy used furniture for my new apartment.

i also taped over some of the windows when i woke up on july 4th and some more of the windows on july 10th. it would in theory be possible for somebody to climb the roof at 747 windsor and jump though the open windows, as the houses are very close together. you could talk to the owner there. somebody could also potentially go out the window in unit 4, climb up to the roof and drop down through the open window. both procedures would be very dangerous and arguably stupid, but i have learned that these people are overwhelmingly obsessed with me. i need to document the possible, not just the plausible. the windows are now taped up.

they were at the hotel, from late april to early may

it took a few days for them to get there. but the same voices showed up at the hotel i stayed at, which was the royal windsor hotel on huron church, and they drugged me with some kind of psilocybin-like substance on several occasions, which i did not enjoy. i initially went into shock because i was finally starting to feel and look normal again near the end of april, only for them to show back up again and drug me at the hotel. i became extremely depressed by this and did not know how to react. checking the records of the hotel from april 10th to may 10th and cross-referencing it with records for people staying at 1227 curry and 751 windsor could help identify who these people are.

the identity of the stalkers

i don't know who these people are with any clarity, but i have recognized the following voices over the last three years:

- i believe my mother, kerry murray, was upstairs at 1227 curry for a period of time. i believe she lived there for a while in 2023. i heard her voice quite frequently then but have not in a long time. she may have been intending to move into my apartment.

- i believe my half sister, hannah boucher, was staying there with my mother periodically in 2023. she was frequently referenced indirectly. 

- i believe my mother's sister, pamela murray, also flew into town periodically over 2023 and 2024 and spent weekends upstairs at 1227 curry. i also heard her voice. she seemed to be meeting somebody there on the weekends, and perhaps engaging in some kind of prostitution. if the question is "why would she fly in", that would seem to be the answer. i would have to assume it was worth her time. it would seem as though some people in the area of bayswater avenue in ottawa thought that pam and i were the same person, because we sequentially lived in my grandmother's apartment (not at the same time, but one after the other) and happen to be very similar looking. that confusion might be at the core of this; she may have been more open to suggestions than i am, and i am not open to suggestions. when i asked pam about this at the start of it, she responded by telling me that she thought the "therapy" would be good for me. it left me with the uncomfortable perception that she had some knowledge about what was happening.

- i believe my full sister, megan giacomelli (megan parent) was upstairs at 1227 curry on a small number of occasions, to check on progress, at the start of this. i think it likely that she might have initially organized it. this is also because i heard her voice. i do not think she's come back to windsor in a long time.

- in recent months, i have not heard my family but have rather heard a team of three voices working together.

- the three voices are a deep and husky male voice that i believe is a male of arabic ancestry, a more midrange male voice that sounds more white and a female-presenting voice that i sometimes think is a gay man, sometimes think is a female and sometimes think is a transfemale. there is periodically a fourth voice that sounds like a black male due to his use of african american vernacular, and that appears to be working as protection for the other three.

- the team of three people apparently wants to move into my apartment and wanted to move into my apartment at 1227 curry, previously. they have indicated they are producing some kind of film. they have indicated they want control of my websites and want to steal my recording equipment.

- for that reason, i'm actually convinced that what is actually going on here is a very bizarre attempt at identity theft and that this isn't about harassing me, exactly, but about taking control of my web persona. 

- they have repeatedly repeated the phrase "she paid sean." or "she paid chan(telle)". i actually don't know what that means, but they keep saying it. it would appear to indicate some level of financing underlying the harassment, which aligns with what i otherwise deduced. they appear to be trying to explain, that seems to be why they keep saying it, but i don't understand what they mean.

- one of them has claimed they have a master's degree. another has claimed they're a doctor, but i don't believe that. they do seem to have some level of education in freudian or jungian psychoanalysis, which is what they are doing. 

- i have periodically convinced and unconvinced myself that one of the three voices is chantelle simpson, also initially from ottawa, but i did not see her at 1227 curry after the fall of 2023 and have not seen her at 751 windsor. she has strenuously denied being in windsor at all, but i did see her repeatedly over the summer of 2023.

- i observed several drug deals take place at 1227 curry. a male named cody levesque, who i think was the initial stalker, was at the centre of these drug deals. i became convinced over 2023 that the house was bought by organized crime, and i was stuck in it. it is also possible that the midrange voice belongs to cody levesque.

- i also saw the owner of the husky voice through a window at 1227 curry on one occasion, when they just moved in, at the start of may 2023. he was a heavy set, bearded male of apparent bearded ancestry

- on one occasion in late 2023, somebody that i knew from high school named sean hansel appeared at my door and tried to coerce me to open it. this appeared to be a tactic to get me to open up. i told him to fuck off. sean shows up as a guest of the team of three voices, periodically. he may be here in an attempt to steal some of my recording equipment, and it may be tied into the attempt at identity theft.

- since mid 2023, the team of three voices has ensured i can't see them, ever. they do not want anybody to know they even exist at all, but they do.

- all i can say for certain is that i have been followed by a group of three people from 1227 curry to the hotel to 751 windsor that is insisting on putting me through this therapy, involuntarily. they keep telling me somebody paid "sean" for it, in an attempt to explain.

- i have deduced - without evidence, besides that i've been followed - that 751 windsor may have been recently purchased by the same people that bought 1227 curry. this was as a personal investment by a worker employed by the upper class real estate company sotheby's, which never made sense to me. it indicates some deep wealth bought a small house that it shouldn't have cared much about, and i was the apparent target, not the house.

- i have a phone number sent to me in november 2021 in the context of a request for random sex by a stranger that i think is cody levesque's and is the only piece of clear evidence that i have in potentially identifying any of these people.

- if they would simply leave me alone, i wouldn't have to do this, but they have now followed me to three dwellings and i have no choice but to do whatever is required to put them behind bars in order to get them to stop.

the ambulance visit in dec, 2024

i requested an ambulance visit in dec of 2024. the following is a document submitted as a part of a previous police report, 2024-307533.

===

i have been dealing with an ongoing sexual harassment for months, since my duplex was purchased in early 2023. somebody is trying to detransition me for an unclear reason, but they have clarified that they want to have sex with me, which i am not interested in.

on the morning of dec 6 at 4:00 am and again on dec 7 at 6:00 am i woke up erect, for roughly 10 seconds before it dissolved. i am a castrated transgendered female, so the idea of me ever having any sort of erection is biologically impossible, in the absence of drugs, which i strenuously do not want in my system. this indicates i've been drugged, as it would otherwise be impossible. i have been experiencing the effects of this unwanted drugging since mid 2023, coming from an entity upstairs that delusionally expects to have sex with me, which there is no possibility of ever happening. in fact, it is a foregone conclusion that i will react extremely violently if forced to defend myself from any sexual advances. i have done everything i possible can to broadcast my complete and total lack of consent, but they appear to be from a middle eastern country and don't seem to understand or care, due to some kind of culture shock.

i am being spoken to when i am asleep in order to generate the arousal. the process being utilized is operand or pavlovian conditioning, although they think they are doing freudian talk therapy. there is a literature on the idea that you can "cure" queer people via talk therapy, which is frankly overwhelmingly stupid and not any kind of science, but is more accepted in eastern cultures. pavlov, however, is science, and they can get the result for ten seconds after i wake up, but only if they drug me first. if they have drugged me recently or a lot, i will have to suffer through an excruciating level of agitation for hours afterwards, which they seem to think is pleasureful, but is actually extremely difficult and at times outright painful.

on these two days - dec 6 and 7 -  i woke up with apparent injection marks on my scrotum, which had not happened before. i also noticed my underwear was damp, which may have been from swabbing the scrotum. by the morning of the 7th, the area was extremely red and sore and full of broken skin. i called police to try to get pictures to them. 

an officer was sent early in the morning, who i talked to briefly over the phone, and who suggested i file a report online if i want to upload pictures. i am apparently unable to do this. i will post a link to this document.

i also asked that an ambulance be dispatched so that i could get some documentation and they did not look at it, but they did take an ecg and the paramedic actually suggested taking me into a hospital as i was under threat of a heart attack due a heightened t-wave, which he suggested was due to a potassium imbalance. i am not experiencing symptoms of a heart attack. one of the causes of potassium imbalance is kidney stress or failure, which is what would happen if you continually drugged a castrated transfemale with testosterone in order to try to make them get an erection and my actual concern in claiming the harassment is a causing me to fear for my safety. it would appear that the results are in general the type of ecg that would be expected to be observed from a male on steroids, rather than a transgendered female.

i do not want to take steroids, or build muscles. i have never done any weight-training or taken any steroids before in my life and i would consider the premise to be disgusting. i am neither attracted to muscular men nor would i want to be one. i don't like jocks, i don't like gay men and i don't like thugs. i know enough about human metabolism to know that i won't build any muscle if i don't lift any weights, and i have actually even stopped my cardio workouts until i can extricate the testosterone form my system, as i don't want to accidentally build muscle when i'm actually trying to lose weight.

the ambulance did not take blood tests. i have not been able to get a blood lab to perform a home visit and it's not clear why.

as of the afternoon of the 7th, my scrotum remains extremely sore and agitated and i'm extremely frustrated, confused and angry. i have previously made accusations of being drugged rectally that i couldn't prove (besides taking pictures of soiled underwear) and suspect they changed their tactic because it wasn't getting the outcome they wanted, by injecting me in my scrotum instead. my rectum is not currently sore. my perineum (the skin between the scrotum and anus) is extremely sore.

this is the ecg, with:

1) spiked t-waves suggesting kidney failure

2) spike p-waves, a dipped s wave and a benign early repolarization, which is strongly suggestive of high testosterone levels

all four are seen in athletes or men that take steroids, which is what i'm accusing my neighbour of drugging me with. this is an abnormal ecg and demonstrates that my body is under extreme stress and that i'm not imagining being drugged or making it up.

these are pictures of the agitated scrotum, which i think is demonstrating injection marks:

i believe each of these three red lines is an injection mark that causes the ten second erections and the ecg indicative of steroid use. as mentioned, the region remains sore and raw, even late on the evening of the 7th.

i am going to be contacting my doctor about an appointment early in the week. my doctor actually has an expertise in "sports medicine" and would be able to analyze this, if given to him.

j

================

summary of 2021-2024

i am not going to attach complaints i made about being anally drugged over late 2023 because they aren't medical documentation and i did not report them to police in that context. however, there is a document presented to police called "the saga of the tossed around dick pick" that summarizes the situation up to the end of 2023: 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1CLSg1GJ47jjy4xkJeMyfF7F1G2WG6v_O/view?usp=drive_link

i presented this document to local justices in windsor in an attempt to press mischief charges against the owners at 1227 curry via private prosecution, but hit a dead-end when told i had to go to the courthouse, as i didn't feel safe going outside.

the situation over most of 2024 stagnated. i made it very difficult to get into my apartment by barricading the doors shut, and that largely prevented them from drugging me for most of the year, but i also made a handful of mistakes, and they made me pay for it. at one point, i had to go outside to call teksavvy, and they got and drugged a bunch of my food. i struggled to find the source of what i thought was testosterone but now think was steroids, and eventually concluded that my vitamins (c, d) were doctored, my grapefruit juice was punched and my hot sauce was spiked. i was not able to get police to test these items, and they did not offer advice as to how to have them tested privately. as mentioned, i could not get a home lab visit. 

there were many calls made to police over 2024. i could not generate the evidence they wanted, and felt myself in a catch-22; i'm not a detective. the police could not do the kind of work i needed them to do for me, and rather expected me to do it and provide it to them, and i couldn't. i need the police to do the police work to get the evidence the police needed to do the police work. i was locked in a basement for two years, hiding from people trying to drug me, and reaching out to anybody i could find for help. all i received was frustrating results.

a document presented to the ltb contains a summary of those police reports:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1U4b8B_nwpdTytx8QBNV599n5Hgd2-ckC/view?usp=gmail

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1TV9xs4asTq39qlAjXdQDqi7MqqSdFhnN/view?usp=sharing

conclusion

my inability to generate drug test results while i was locked in the basement made it difficult for me to advance my argument, but these cases remain in appeal and i need to do what i can to get the information out, now. i am happy to do things like file motions for fresh evidence. i think the situation justifies it.

as mentioned, i don't know the identity of the three stalkers. one is an arab muslim male, one is female-identifying (or very, very gay) and the other one is sort of a mystery. as further drug tests come in and it becomes increasingly clear that my concerns were justified and real from the very start, i need to make an increasing appeal to anybody involved to act like a decent human being and get information to police if you have it. this document will eventually be presented to police in relation to report number 25-70223. if you can identify one or more of these three individuals, or you have further information to provide to police, please provide it, so i can put end to this difficult period of constant harassment and get on with my life.

as it is, i have more bloodwork to do.