From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: sister’s email address
it's
mostly the fridge. if it's almost enough for a cheap fridge, i can use
the microwave. see, there's a discarded fridge and stove down there, but
the fridge is useless. he said the stove is ok...
that
probably sounds like a sketchy landlord. i don't think so. seems
extremely fair, actually. drove me around town for a bit, even. really,
he just didn't want to be responsible for replacing the appliances.
seems like a standard rental thing, sure, but considering that this
place would run for around $1200 + utilities in ottawa, and i'm getting
it for $650 all inclusive in windsor, the profit margin on the rent is a
lot lower. it's a bit of a shift in mindset: in windsor, property
owners need to budget carefully, too. and, to be honest, that's fine
with me, anyways. having a fridge and a stove is probably a benefit to
me in the long run.
j
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
re: money
From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: sister’s email address
well, i was sitting with the surviving uncle, the oldest aunt and his mother when he gave it to me if you want witnesses. if you really want it back, i dunno. let me try it on again and think about it. it kind of fits me perfectly, but i'm honestly not sure how often i'd wear it, if at all. if you think you'd make better use of it...
excluding the stuff i'm taking to windsor, i think the only thing i'd ask is that i get first crack on the records and cds. there's quite a few in there that have been important to me over my life.
i'm a little skeptical about sending her an email right now, but i'm in town and can help plan. so let me know if there's anything i can do.
also, she had said something about giving me a sears voucher for couches. i can pick up some couches somewhere for free and am fine with doing that, but the place doesn't have a fridge or a stove. that voucher was factored into the decision to get the place, i just hope it's close to enough. i'm happy with the cheapest fridge and stove on the market....don't need fancy ice makers and timers and stuff...
i have the keys and the lease here. i can move in whenever, i just have to call ahead to let them know when. you know how italians traditionally have two kitchens, one in the basement? well, it's sort of like that, except with a separate entrance downstairs. recently renovated - very nice fancy italian stuff with the big half circle separating the living room from the kitchen. two bedrooms. nice bathroom.
what i want to find is somebody that will just rent a van for three days at a flat rate + gas. i don't know if i can do that, though. i think mom might be willing to drive and stay the night (she's talked about wanting to go down there ever since i told her).
esa has a room in a house lined up. i've offered space, and am not sure if she's going to take it in the end or not. but it should be a very small amount of stuff, as well. some string instruments, a keyboard, clothes...
the amount of things here i'd add is negligible. the stepmother’s a moving pro. can you ask her to tell me what size of van i'd need to fit my stuff in so i can look for that?
the last thing i need to do is go down to odsp tomorrow and have a chat.
j
To: sister’s email address
well, i was sitting with the surviving uncle, the oldest aunt and his mother when he gave it to me if you want witnesses. if you really want it back, i dunno. let me try it on again and think about it. it kind of fits me perfectly, but i'm honestly not sure how often i'd wear it, if at all. if you think you'd make better use of it...
excluding the stuff i'm taking to windsor, i think the only thing i'd ask is that i get first crack on the records and cds. there's quite a few in there that have been important to me over my life.
i'm a little skeptical about sending her an email right now, but i'm in town and can help plan. so let me know if there's anything i can do.
also, she had said something about giving me a sears voucher for couches. i can pick up some couches somewhere for free and am fine with doing that, but the place doesn't have a fridge or a stove. that voucher was factored into the decision to get the place, i just hope it's close to enough. i'm happy with the cheapest fridge and stove on the market....don't need fancy ice makers and timers and stuff...
i have the keys and the lease here. i can move in whenever, i just have to call ahead to let them know when. you know how italians traditionally have two kitchens, one in the basement? well, it's sort of like that, except with a separate entrance downstairs. recently renovated - very nice fancy italian stuff with the big half circle separating the living room from the kitchen. two bedrooms. nice bathroom.
what i want to find is somebody that will just rent a van for three days at a flat rate + gas. i don't know if i can do that, though. i think mom might be willing to drive and stay the night (she's talked about wanting to go down there ever since i told her).
esa has a room in a house lined up. i've offered space, and am not sure if she's going to take it in the end or not. but it should be a very small amount of stuff, as well. some string instruments, a keyboard, clothes...
the amount of things here i'd add is negligible. the stepmother’s a moving pro. can you ask her to tell me what size of van i'd need to fit my stuff in so i can look for that?
the last thing i need to do is go down to odsp tomorrow and have a chat.
j
at
15:40
Location:
Ottawa, ON, Canada
Coat
From: stepmother’s email address
To: "'jessica murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
I would really appreciate it if you would return this coat to your sister. She did buy it for her father as a Christmas present. As well it is a man’s coat so I am not sure why you want it anyway.
To: "'jessica murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
I would really appreciate it if you would return this coat to your sister. She did buy it for her father as a Christmas present. As well it is a man’s coat so I am not sure why you want it anyway.
at
15:23
Location:
Ottawa, ON, Canada
re: money
From: sister’s email address
To: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
No he didn't, and I bought it for him and want it back. Please bring it.
Should we expect you on Thursday? Have you signed a lease in Windsor?
To: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
No he didn't, and I bought it for him and want it back. Please bring it.
Should we expect you on Thursday? Have you signed a lease in Windsor?
at
15:04
Location:
Ottawa, ON, Canada
re: money
From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: sister’s email address
he didn't lend it to me, he gave it to me. sorry.
To: sister’s email address
he didn't lend it to me, he gave it to me. sorry.
at
14:58
Location:
Ottawa, ON, Canada
Monday, July 29, 2013
re: money
From: sister’s email address
To Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
Can you please bring me the black Moore's overcoat back that Dad lent you? I would like it.
To Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
Can you please bring me the black Moore's overcoat back that Dad lent you? I would like it.
at
18:31
Location:
Ottawa, ON, Canada
so, it's official: i'm moving to windsor. lease signed, first/last down, receipt received, keys in pocket.
i'll be leaving some time next week.
i got the place i wanted, not the one i was an hour away from settling for.
currently at the greyhound station; will take the 5:30 out. should be home in the morning.
now, if you'll excuse me, i have to go fill up a few mountain dew bottles for the ride home...
i'm supposed to be like "don't worry, i'll visit". but that's a lie. i don't celebrate holidays. i'm not going home for christmas. most of you are never going to see me face to face again, unless you come here or we meet in some third location. i'm not going to throw any kind of party, but if you want to say goodbye, or you always wanted to kick my ass, then you've got a few days to get in touch.
i'll be leaving some time next week.
i got the place i wanted, not the one i was an hour away from settling for.
currently at the greyhound station; will take the 5:30 out. should be home in the morning.
now, if you'll excuse me, i have to go fill up a few mountain dew bottles for the ride home...
i'm supposed to be like "don't worry, i'll visit". but that's a lie. i don't celebrate holidays. i'm not going home for christmas. most of you are never going to see me face to face again, unless you come here or we meet in some third location. i'm not going to throw any kind of party, but if you want to say goodbye, or you always wanted to kick my ass, then you've got a few days to get in touch.
at
17:00
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
Re: i'm in windsor
From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: grandmother’s email address
i got the one i wanted, which is $650 all inclusive and fucking beautiful.
the stepmother wired me $1600. the sister has the $1500 mom gave her, and she's going to use it to help me move.
i’m taking the 5:30 bus and will be home early in the morning.
j
To: grandmother’s email address
i got the one i wanted, which is $650 all inclusive and fucking beautiful.
the stepmother wired me $1600. the sister has the $1500 mom gave her, and she's going to use it to help me move.
i’m taking the 5:30 bus and will be home early in the morning.
j
at
16:23
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
Re: i'm in windsor
From: grandmother’s email address
To: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
how is everything going now?did you get the apt? Did your sister say the money was from your step-mother?When are you coming back?Waiting for your Email.
To: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
how is everything going now?did you get the apt? Did your sister say the money was from your step-mother?When are you coming back?Waiting for your Email.
at
11:48
Location:
Ottawa, ON, Canada
mom
Hope everything works out for you. And I love you very much! I wish I wasn't so drunk when I saw your sister last night...I hardly ever see her and just wish I would have been sober.
You can't claim anything by the way with Disability ...The cut out the moving allowance.
They
I have to get some better glasses...The ones I have are crap!
Be very careful what you disclose to them!
My advice is to NOT TELL THEM MUCH...Except J...They are going to know!...Because they have access to your bank account!
They can be real fuckers!
Remember when you lived with me? I had to pay all this large amount of money back....They took it off monthly....It just stopped last month!...I finally don't owe them any money anymore.
Of course apparently I owed them thousands from before you were living with me too.
They don't let you get away with ANYTHING!
I think if it is an inheritance....You are OK with it.....I think your stepmother may have to give a letter or something.....Tell her to include mine in there as well...
Jessica Amber Murray
i can claim up to a certain amount as a gift, not an inheritance. that's my plan. the moving allowance is still on the web site, but it's 'discretionary’.
Hope everything works out for you. And I love you very much! I wish I wasn't so drunk when I saw your sister last night...I hardly ever see her and just wish I would have been sober.
You can't claim anything by the way with Disability ...The cut out the moving allowance.
They
I have to get some better glasses...The ones I have are crap!
Be very careful what you disclose to them!
My advice is to NOT TELL THEM MUCH...Except J...They are going to know!...Because they have access to your bank account!
They can be real fuckers!
Remember when you lived with me? I had to pay all this large amount of money back....They took it off monthly....It just stopped last month!...I finally don't owe them any money anymore.
Of course apparently I owed them thousands from before you were living with me too.
They don't let you get away with ANYTHING!
I think if it is an inheritance....You are OK with it.....I think your stepmother may have to give a letter or something.....Tell her to include mine in there as well...
Jessica Amber Murray
i can claim up to a certain amount as a gift, not an inheritance. that's my plan. the moving allowance is still on the web site, but it's 'discretionary’.
at
11:02
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
re: money
From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: sister’s email address
yeah. i've been in sort of a daze. i don't know. i had a big cry in the bathroom here, did a lot of dramatic writing. i'm kind of not sure if it hasn't hit me yet or if i'd already dealt with it before it happened. it's clicking, but it's not entirely clicking.
i'm sort of struggling with what to write here. i haven't slept much in the last week. but my facebook page is sort of like a journal, and i think if sorting through the last week (scroll down to mid july) is the best way for me to explain what i've been feeling.
To: sister’s email address
yeah. i've been in sort of a daze. i don't know. i had a big cry in the bathroom here, did a lot of dramatic writing. i'm kind of not sure if it hasn't hit me yet or if i'd already dealt with it before it happened. it's clicking, but it's not entirely clicking.
i'm sort of struggling with what to write here. i haven't slept much in the last week. but my facebook page is sort of like a journal, and i think if sorting through the last week (scroll down to mid july) is the best way for me to explain what i've been feeling.
at
01:16
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
bitch better have my money (or what happens when you realize you gave away $1500 while blackout drunk)
mom
J....Did You Get Your Money?....
J..Did you get your momey!????????????????
Jessica Amber Murray
in the end, the stepmother wired 1600. so the sister still has the 1500. she's going to hang on to some of it for moving costs and then give the rest back to you. i can claim some of the moving costs after (it's 'discretionary').
mom
Please tell me whether you got it or not?????????!!!!!! I gave it to your sister.
Jessica Amber Murray
yup, the sister still has it. the 1600 from my stepmother went through and that should cover what i need for the moment.
mom
She was supposed to have given it to you!
Jessica Amber Murray
i agree with her decision. it was an emergency replacement amount. in the end, the stepmother agreed to wire it. so, i don't need it right now. i *will* need it in a week or two when i move, and i can use it for that.
mom
I gave her $1500.....................!!
To give to you!
Jessica Amber Murray
i will get the $1500, soon! moving a big truck of stuff from windsor is extremely expensive. it might cost close to $1000.
mom
You Are BOTH A BUNCH OF LIARSQ.................................................................................L
LIARS!....................
Thanks a lot.
Jessica Amber Murray
i wasn't expecting the stepmother to transfer, but i guess she clued in when my sister left that i was serious. i'm definitely not lying. if you want, i can tell her to give it back.
i really, really appreciate that you were willing to lend or give me the cash at all. but the original plan worked out in the end. it probably worked out *because* the sister agreed to the whole thing. so, thank you even for that.
mom
Hey!,,,,I just gave you $1500.00 dollars...Are you unaware of this fact?
Jessica Amber Murray
i am keenly aware of this fact.
mom
Who gave you more?
Jessica Amber Murray
well, she gave me 1600.
mom
You are an ASSHOLE!
YOU USE PEOPLE FOR YOUR OWN PURPOSES!
Jessica Amber Murray
do you honestly believe that i set up an elaborate plan to trick my own mother into giving me $1500? c'mon.
mom
I am ENRAGED AT YOU!
Jessica Amber Murray
well, do you want the cash back?
mom
NO.
Jessica Amber Murray
ok. then i don't know why you're mad....?
mom
But you could have been more honest about it.
Anyways...Love You....
Going to sleep now...
J....Did You Get Your Money?....
J..Did you get your momey!????????????????
Jessica Amber Murray
in the end, the stepmother wired 1600. so the sister still has the 1500. she's going to hang on to some of it for moving costs and then give the rest back to you. i can claim some of the moving costs after (it's 'discretionary').
mom
Please tell me whether you got it or not?????????!!!!!! I gave it to your sister.
Jessica Amber Murray
yup, the sister still has it. the 1600 from my stepmother went through and that should cover what i need for the moment.
mom
She was supposed to have given it to you!
Jessica Amber Murray
i agree with her decision. it was an emergency replacement amount. in the end, the stepmother agreed to wire it. so, i don't need it right now. i *will* need it in a week or two when i move, and i can use it for that.
mom
I gave her $1500.....................!!
To give to you!
Jessica Amber Murray
i will get the $1500, soon! moving a big truck of stuff from windsor is extremely expensive. it might cost close to $1000.
mom
You Are BOTH A BUNCH OF LIARSQ.................................................................................L
LIARS!....................
Thanks a lot.
Jessica Amber Murray
i wasn't expecting the stepmother to transfer, but i guess she clued in when my sister left that i was serious. i'm definitely not lying. if you want, i can tell her to give it back.
i really, really appreciate that you were willing to lend or give me the cash at all. but the original plan worked out in the end. it probably worked out *because* the sister agreed to the whole thing. so, thank you even for that.
mom
Hey!,,,,I just gave you $1500.00 dollars...Are you unaware of this fact?
Jessica Amber Murray
i am keenly aware of this fact.
mom
Who gave you more?
Jessica Amber Murray
well, she gave me 1600.
mom
You are an ASSHOLE!
YOU USE PEOPLE FOR YOUR OWN PURPOSES!
Jessica Amber Murray
do you honestly believe that i set up an elaborate plan to trick my own mother into giving me $1500? c'mon.
mom
I am ENRAGED AT YOU!
Jessica Amber Murray
well, do you want the cash back?
mom
NO.
Jessica Amber Murray
ok. then i don't know why you're mad....?
mom
But you could have been more honest about it.
Anyways...Love You....
Going to sleep now...
at
01:04
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
re: money
From: sister’s email address
To: J <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
i hope you are feeling alright. i have had a very long day. i'm sure you miss dad too.
To: J <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
i hope you are feeling alright. i have had a very long day. i'm sure you miss dad too.
at
00:44
Location:
Ottawa, ON, Canada
re: money
From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: sister’s email address
ok, i misunderstood your facebook messages; when you said 'she', i thought you meant the stepmother. i thought nana was going to wire money from mom.
i spent all day flipping out that i was going to go home with nothing and in the end i got three transfer options.
yeah. hang on to it, please. and just give what's left back. i don't need to double on this.
i don't know how much of the moving costs i can claim through odsp after. it's 'discretionary'. i'm also trying to figure out if i'm helping esa move as well. seems silly to go down in two trucks if it would fit in one.
i'll get that info to you soon.
j
To: sister’s email address
ok, i misunderstood your facebook messages; when you said 'she', i thought you meant the stepmother. i thought nana was going to wire money from mom.
i spent all day flipping out that i was going to go home with nothing and in the end i got three transfer options.
yeah. hang on to it, please. and just give what's left back. i don't need to double on this.
i don't know how much of the moving costs i can claim through odsp after. it's 'discretionary'. i'm also trying to figure out if i'm helping esa move as well. seems silly to go down in two trucks if it would fit in one.
i'll get that info to you soon.
j
at
00:40
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
i'm still in that same tim horton's. it's been about 30 hours, now, stuck here.
i'll dream about this place for the next twenty years as an archetype of purgatory. i'm going to avoid this line of thought. of course, i'm not actually avoiding it, i'm just avoiding typing about it.
really, the day has essentially been spent trying to find a means of escape from this place. i can't count how many bagels i've eaten, or how many times i've brushed the coffee off my teeth, or how many conversations i've overheard (oh, that's just a weird way of saying palisher), or how many plans i've created that twirl through obstacle courses with incomprehensibly frustrating and entirely unpredictable twists before they come out as dead ends. what i mean to take 3 hours took 30, but it's done.
midnight is too late to check in anywhere. it's raining. it's even kind of chilly out.
....but i'll be out of this place of absurdity the second i see the first ray of sunshine come up, and very much ready to start something entirely new.
i'll dream about this place for the next twenty years as an archetype of purgatory. i'm going to avoid this line of thought. of course, i'm not actually avoiding it, i'm just avoiding typing about it.
really, the day has essentially been spent trying to find a means of escape from this place. i can't count how many bagels i've eaten, or how many times i've brushed the coffee off my teeth, or how many conversations i've overheard (oh, that's just a weird way of saying palisher), or how many plans i've created that twirl through obstacle courses with incomprehensibly frustrating and entirely unpredictable twists before they come out as dead ends. what i mean to take 3 hours took 30, but it's done.
midnight is too late to check in anywhere. it's raining. it's even kind of chilly out.
....but i'll be out of this place of absurdity the second i see the first ray of sunshine come up, and very much ready to start something entirely new.
at
00:30
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
money
From: sister’s email address
To: J <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
I just got back and the stepmother is telling me she just transferred $1600 to you. Use that money for your first and last's month rent, and your bus ticket.
The money mom gave me to deposit was to be used for your first and last month's rent. It feels disingenuous to just transfer it without her knowing that you already have that taken care of now, however it should now be used to pay for the cost of moving your belongings to Windsor. We can arrange for movers as soon as you have an address. If there's any leftover I will transfer it to you.
Let me know your address when the lease is signed tomorrow.
To: J <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
I just got back and the stepmother is telling me she just transferred $1600 to you. Use that money for your first and last's month rent, and your bus ticket.
The money mom gave me to deposit was to be used for your first and last month's rent. It feels disingenuous to just transfer it without her knowing that you already have that taken care of now, however it should now be used to pay for the cost of moving your belongings to Windsor. We can arrange for movers as soon as you have an address. If there's any leftover I will transfer it to you.
Let me know your address when the lease is signed tomorrow.
at
00:25
Location:
Ottawa, ON, Canada
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Re: i'm in windsor
From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: grandmother’s email address
actually, she sent it over email.
it's done.
no need to transfer.
sorry for waking you up early.
To: grandmother’s email address
actually, she sent it over email.
it's done.
no need to transfer.
sorry for waking you up early.
at
23:49
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
INTERAC e-Transfer
From: <notify@payments.interac.ca>
To: "jessica murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: "jessica murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
at
23:48
Location:
Ottawa, ON, Canada
Re: Rent
From: "jessica murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address
i'm planning to get the keys for august 1st, so it should be gone by september 1st.
To: stepmother’s email address
i'm planning to get the keys for august 1st, so it should be gone by september 1st.
at
23:33
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
Re: i'm in windsor
From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: grandmother’s email address
i think you should probably ignore most of this. i was very frustrated and basically talking nonsense.
she claims she's going to wire a little after all, through my sister. around $1600. the money from my stepmother is a gift from my father and wouldn't need to be repaid. i'd appreciate it if you went ahead with the $2000 anyways, and i'll pay back whatever is extra (i'll just transfer it back). if everything works out, i should be able to transfer it as soon as i get back to ottawa. but i don't really want to rely on her. i trust my sister - in this context. but the stepmother has really burned those bridges.
like i say, if both go through, i'll just give it back immediately. but if the stepmother’s doesn't come through, and you don't do it, i'm really profoundly screwed.
the important information is the transfer information. just please send me off an email in the morning.
To: grandmother’s email address
i think you should probably ignore most of this. i was very frustrated and basically talking nonsense.
she claims she's going to wire a little after all, through my sister. around $1600. the money from my stepmother is a gift from my father and wouldn't need to be repaid. i'd appreciate it if you went ahead with the $2000 anyways, and i'll pay back whatever is extra (i'll just transfer it back). if everything works out, i should be able to transfer it as soon as i get back to ottawa. but i don't really want to rely on her. i trust my sister - in this context. but the stepmother has really burned those bridges.
like i say, if both go through, i'll just give it back immediately. but if the stepmother’s doesn't come through, and you don't do it, i'm really profoundly screwed.
the important information is the transfer information. just please send me off an email in the morning.
at
23:08
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
intervention
mom
Geesh!...My Love....I hate that this on facebook in any shape or form.
Jessica Amber Murray
i called nana again. she says she'll do it. you're probably on the phone with her right now.
mom
what did she say?
i'm not on the phone with anyone
Jessica Amber Murray
she said she'd call you and that she'll transfer the money in the morning.
mom
like i'm going to pay her back then?
or she's just going to give it to you?
Jessica Amber Murray
i think she was expecting you'd give it to her. i'm planning on paying you back either way, so it's sort of up to you guys to talk about. just let me know who i'm paying back :)
sister via mom’s facebook account
This is your sister. I will send you an email interac transfer when I get home. I will send $1500, and she will give me the cash. That is how much she can give you right now.
As you can imagine, I don't feel as though I'm being a selfish bitch for not responding to emails every five minute right now. I was up all night the last three nights in a row, and needed to get some sleep today.
Anyway, hopefully that is enough for you to both get the place you want and get a bus back in time for Thursday.
She is yelling about how you better not be spending it on drugs.
Jessica Amber Murray
ok. i just got back from a pay phone and see that she sent me an email saying essentially as much. in the sense that i was over-reacting, i apologize; to be oppressively logical, as i so often am, the fact is that you did actually respond, so the premise that you weren’t going to is flawed and the conclusion that would have followed had you not responded does not follow now that you have. that said, you can imagine i'm not feeling the grandest at the moment, either. i don't do drugs...
ask her to use death.to.koalas@gmail.com.
sister via mom’s facebook account
Ok, anyway, with regards to the bus ticket, the web fare for greyhound is WAY cheaper than you walking in an buying a ticket.
I suggest you use an online bank transfer for it through the greyhound website.
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah. it's cheaper if you buy more than three days in advance, too. i'm just not sure what the best day to go is yet. i may be here until wednesday morning, even. i'll figure this out tomorrow afternoon.
sister via mom’s facebook account
Ok, I HAVE to get out of here right now, as you can imagine.
I'll email you when I get home / at Dad's.
Geesh!...My Love....I hate that this on facebook in any shape or form.
Jessica Amber Murray
i called nana again. she says she'll do it. you're probably on the phone with her right now.
mom
what did she say?
i'm not on the phone with anyone
Jessica Amber Murray
she said she'd call you and that she'll transfer the money in the morning.
mom
like i'm going to pay her back then?
or she's just going to give it to you?
Jessica Amber Murray
i think she was expecting you'd give it to her. i'm planning on paying you back either way, so it's sort of up to you guys to talk about. just let me know who i'm paying back :)
sister via mom’s facebook account
This is your sister. I will send you an email interac transfer when I get home. I will send $1500, and she will give me the cash. That is how much she can give you right now.
As you can imagine, I don't feel as though I'm being a selfish bitch for not responding to emails every five minute right now. I was up all night the last three nights in a row, and needed to get some sleep today.
Anyway, hopefully that is enough for you to both get the place you want and get a bus back in time for Thursday.
She is yelling about how you better not be spending it on drugs.
Jessica Amber Murray
ok. i just got back from a pay phone and see that she sent me an email saying essentially as much. in the sense that i was over-reacting, i apologize; to be oppressively logical, as i so often am, the fact is that you did actually respond, so the premise that you weren’t going to is flawed and the conclusion that would have followed had you not responded does not follow now that you have. that said, you can imagine i'm not feeling the grandest at the moment, either. i don't do drugs...
ask her to use death.to.koalas@gmail.com.
sister via mom’s facebook account
Ok, anyway, with regards to the bus ticket, the web fare for greyhound is WAY cheaper than you walking in an buying a ticket.
I suggest you use an online bank transfer for it through the greyhound website.
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah. it's cheaper if you buy more than three days in advance, too. i'm just not sure what the best day to go is yet. i may be here until wednesday morning, even. i'll figure this out tomorrow afternoon.
sister via mom’s facebook account
Ok, I HAVE to get out of here right now, as you can imagine.
I'll email you when I get home / at Dad's.
at
22:27
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
Rent
From: stepmother’s email address
To: "'jessica murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
I will deposit $1600 in your account tomorrow to cover your first and last month’s rent and a bus ticket if you choose to attend your father’s funeral. That will be all the money you will ever receive from me. I will be putting this house up for sale so you will have to move your stuff elsewhere within the next month.
To: "'jessica murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
I will deposit $1600 in your account tomorrow to cover your first and last month’s rent and a bus ticket if you choose to attend your father’s funeral. That will be all the money you will ever receive from me. I will be putting this house up for sale so you will have to move your stuff elsewhere within the next month.
at
22:11
Location:
Ottawa, ON, Canada
Jessica Amber Murray
actually, no. ack. she's drunk and not thinking clearly. i may be stuck here until the first. last chance is to go down to odsp in the morning and see if they have any magic solution.
ESA
Nooooo ok. Lemme know if u need my help
actually, no. ack. she's drunk and not thinking clearly. i may be stuck here until the first. last chance is to go down to odsp in the morning and see if they have any magic solution.
ESA
Nooooo ok. Lemme know if u need my help
at
21:57
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
mom
J...The only way I can wire you some money is if I hook up my account to yours.... I cannot compromise myself like that!.... I am only allowed a certain amount of money!....I have it here for you...If someone else could come and pick it up and deliver it to you....I know!...Rather UseLess!
Jessica Amber Murray
i agree. hopefully, my sister responds soon, or nana does. i may be here longer than i wanted to be, then. such is life, i suppose.
mom
If one of them wants to the technical crap required.... I am good for the cash!.....
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, i'll let them know.
mom
I can just pay them back.
J...The only way I can wire you some money is if I hook up my account to yours.... I cannot compromise myself like that!.... I am only allowed a certain amount of money!....I have it here for you...If someone else could come and pick it up and deliver it to you....I know!...Rather UseLess!
Jessica Amber Murray
i agree. hopefully, my sister responds soon, or nana does. i may be here longer than i wanted to be, then. such is life, i suppose.
mom
If one of them wants to the technical crap required.... I am good for the cash!.....
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, i'll let them know.
mom
I can just pay them back.
at
21:52
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
Jessica Amber Murray
seems like my mom saved the day, and then some. not going to be here until the morning, though.
ESA
Wait.... youre coming to ottawa?
Jessica Amber Murray
no, she's going to compensate for the lost wire transfer, hopefully short term. now i just have to hope today was a bad day and tomorrow is a good day and i get the one i want.
seems like my mom saved the day, and then some. not going to be here until the morning, though.
ESA
Wait.... youre coming to ottawa?
Jessica Amber Murray
no, she's going to compensate for the lost wire transfer, hopefully short term. now i just have to hope today was a bad day and tomorrow is a good day and i get the one i want.
at
21:37
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
too drunk to go outside
mom
J...Do you really think in the midst of highly emotional pain that either one of us is a priority??....She is ignoring me too.
Jessica Amber Murray
i sure hope we are. we're alive. he's dead. it's not like he got hit by a train. he's been mentally retarded for months. as an individual, bob died some time in the spring. he's been a shell ever since. he was living a horrible, painful existence. this is a release from agony. it should be a celebration, really. i don't expect either of them to really get that. but to suggest that i should go starve so they can mourn over somebody who's been dying a horrific, slow, painful death for the last two years is just ridiculous.
i would have pushed for euthanasia weeks ago. it would have been the humane thing to do.
mom
I hear you J....But your sister is devastated...I don't know how to approach her right now? We have to remember that she is with a precious child!....I really don't want to stress her out any more right now.
Jessica Amber Murray
sitting on the computer for five minutes to help her sibling carry through with a universally understood plan that was in fact already budgeted for via a request that was entirely expected for days shouldn't be a stressful occurrence. if she can't do that for me, fuck her. selfish bitch.
i don't really have much patience for any of them anymore. they're all a bunch of self-absorbed assholes.
mom
I know exactly your aggressive feeling right now!....
Jessica Amber Murray
it's not aggression, it's frustration. i'm not asking for her to drive out to get me. i'm asking for her to check her email, respond with whether she can help or not and, if she can, help. it's not going to interfere with whatever she's doing. seems like all i can do is go into odsp tomorrow and ask if they have any kind of advance system for rent. if they don't, i'm not giving up the apartment to go cry with a bunch of people that clearly don't give a fuck about me. i'll mourn on my own. i don't need a fucking parade. fuck them.
there's no rational way to interpret this than that nobody cares. i'm sorry; it's the only way to parse it.
why should i give a fuck about somebody that can't be fucking bothered to take five minutes to answer an email? this isn't the first time i've had to deal with this self-absorbed, myopic fucking me-me-me attitude. it's despicable, really.
mom
OK!...How can I help? There is a money thinggy down the street from me.
Jessica Amber Murray
what is it, exactly? a western union?
mom
I thinks so
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, i'm not sure. i've never used it before. it might even be closed. let me google quickly.
mom
What do i do?
Jessica Amber Murray
two minutes, i'll check.
mom
K
Jessica Amber Murray
wait. are you sober enough to walk out of the house with a lot of money and feel safe?
mom
Well... I guess I could be...But have to fix my face!LOL
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, well that's the least of my concerns.
mom
Where do I go?
Jessica Amber Murray
ok. first, can you call this number and see if they're open: ***********. it's an "ez cash" down montreal road. there's a money mart that's closer but i don't think they do wires.
there may be a $20 charge, but just take it out of whatever you're wiring, that's fine.
mom
SO THEN..If they don't do wires(which I am suspect about)...How do you want me to send?
K...got your information. Will do my best K
Jessica Amber Murray
you wouldn't be able to without using online banking or walking into a bank very early in the morning with the same information i just provided you with. are you comfortable transferring from your bank account? the bank would make you do that. but it's probably safer to wait, if you're comfortable, and can be sure you can be at one at like 8:00.
mom
Is there anyway to do in online?
Jessica Amber Murray
you can do it online, but you have to do it from bank to bank.
at this time of night all the banks are closed, so the money would have to be *in* the bank already. if you're tipsy, stay in, mom.
mom
Only poblem with online is that the money is not in the bank!
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah. so you can't do it like that. did you call the place? are they open?
mom
No... I have to walk out of here with a shitload of cash.
You know how I look!... I will be a sitting duck!
I will do it tomorrow.
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah. ok, so that's not a great idea at this time of night on foot, i agree. so, if you walk into a bank and wire it from your account will they track it?
the answer is probably yes.
mom
Not sure how this system works? I was thinking I would just bring my cash in(and of course their eyes will pop out of their heads!(.......And Deal with them accordingly....
Jessica Amber Murray
lol. yeah. maybe bring a friend you trust? and can you just make sure you keep in touch in the morning so i know what's happening?
mom
K... I am not afraid during the dayrtime.
Jessica Amber Murray
alright.
J...Do you really think in the midst of highly emotional pain that either one of us is a priority??....She is ignoring me too.
Jessica Amber Murray
i sure hope we are. we're alive. he's dead. it's not like he got hit by a train. he's been mentally retarded for months. as an individual, bob died some time in the spring. he's been a shell ever since. he was living a horrible, painful existence. this is a release from agony. it should be a celebration, really. i don't expect either of them to really get that. but to suggest that i should go starve so they can mourn over somebody who's been dying a horrific, slow, painful death for the last two years is just ridiculous.
i would have pushed for euthanasia weeks ago. it would have been the humane thing to do.
mom
I hear you J....But your sister is devastated...I don't know how to approach her right now? We have to remember that she is with a precious child!....I really don't want to stress her out any more right now.
Jessica Amber Murray
sitting on the computer for five minutes to help her sibling carry through with a universally understood plan that was in fact already budgeted for via a request that was entirely expected for days shouldn't be a stressful occurrence. if she can't do that for me, fuck her. selfish bitch.
i don't really have much patience for any of them anymore. they're all a bunch of self-absorbed assholes.
mom
I know exactly your aggressive feeling right now!....
Jessica Amber Murray
it's not aggression, it's frustration. i'm not asking for her to drive out to get me. i'm asking for her to check her email, respond with whether she can help or not and, if she can, help. it's not going to interfere with whatever she's doing. seems like all i can do is go into odsp tomorrow and ask if they have any kind of advance system for rent. if they don't, i'm not giving up the apartment to go cry with a bunch of people that clearly don't give a fuck about me. i'll mourn on my own. i don't need a fucking parade. fuck them.
there's no rational way to interpret this than that nobody cares. i'm sorry; it's the only way to parse it.
why should i give a fuck about somebody that can't be fucking bothered to take five minutes to answer an email? this isn't the first time i've had to deal with this self-absorbed, myopic fucking me-me-me attitude. it's despicable, really.
mom
OK!...How can I help? There is a money thinggy down the street from me.
Jessica Amber Murray
what is it, exactly? a western union?
mom
I thinks so
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, i'm not sure. i've never used it before. it might even be closed. let me google quickly.
mom
What do i do?
Jessica Amber Murray
two minutes, i'll check.
mom
K
Jessica Amber Murray
wait. are you sober enough to walk out of the house with a lot of money and feel safe?
mom
Well... I guess I could be...But have to fix my face!LOL
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, well that's the least of my concerns.
mom
Where do I go?
Jessica Amber Murray
ok. first, can you call this number and see if they're open: ***********. it's an "ez cash" down montreal road. there's a money mart that's closer but i don't think they do wires.
there may be a $20 charge, but just take it out of whatever you're wiring, that's fine.
mom
SO THEN..If they don't do wires(which I am suspect about)...How do you want me to send?
K...got your information. Will do my best K
Jessica Amber Murray
you wouldn't be able to without using online banking or walking into a bank very early in the morning with the same information i just provided you with. are you comfortable transferring from your bank account? the bank would make you do that. but it's probably safer to wait, if you're comfortable, and can be sure you can be at one at like 8:00.
mom
Is there anyway to do in online?
Jessica Amber Murray
you can do it online, but you have to do it from bank to bank.
at this time of night all the banks are closed, so the money would have to be *in* the bank already. if you're tipsy, stay in, mom.
mom
Only poblem with online is that the money is not in the bank!
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah. so you can't do it like that. did you call the place? are they open?
mom
No... I have to walk out of here with a shitload of cash.
You know how I look!... I will be a sitting duck!
I will do it tomorrow.
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah. ok, so that's not a great idea at this time of night on foot, i agree. so, if you walk into a bank and wire it from your account will they track it?
the answer is probably yes.
mom
Not sure how this system works? I was thinking I would just bring my cash in(and of course their eyes will pop out of their heads!(.......And Deal with them accordingly....
Jessica Amber Murray
lol. yeah. maybe bring a friend you trust? and can you just make sure you keep in touch in the morning so i know what's happening?
mom
K... I am not afraid during the dayrtime.
Jessica Amber Murray
alright.
at
20:16
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
Re: i need to ask you a favour
From: "jessica murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: sister’s email address
now she says she wants to give me $3000. i’m not totally taking that seriously, but i could handle borrowing a little more. if i could get a train back and find somewhere to sleep tonight that would sure be nice, though. she’s saying you could even pick it up tonight, if you want.
it all depends on what’s in your account. if you can wire $1500, that would be better. she’ll give it to you when you decide to go get it.
To: sister’s email address
now she says she wants to give me $3000. i’m not totally taking that seriously, but i could handle borrowing a little more. if i could get a train back and find somewhere to sleep tonight that would sure be nice, though. she’s saying you could even pick it up tonight, if you want.
it all depends on what’s in your account. if you can wire $1500, that would be better. she’ll give it to you when you decide to go get it.
at
20:01
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
she would have promised me a pony if i asked for one
Jessica Amber Murray
it was $1300.
mom
I will give you$3,000.00....
Will that be enough??
Jessica Amber Murray
wow. well, that's a whole lot, mom. that's more than enough.
mom
Well.. Perhaps pay a few months rent with it.
Don't tell disabilty though!
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah, that would be perfect for that. listen, i'm going to jump offline for two seconds to walk across the street to try and call my sister. i'll be back in a few minutes.
mom
K
Tell her to call me. Or just show up at my door.
Jessica Amber Murray
k. i tried to call collect, and it was blocked. then i tried to call nana collect, and it was blocked. so i spent five dollars on an answering machine message. great. now i have to wait and see how she responds.
it was $1300.
mom
I will give you$3,000.00....
Will that be enough??
Jessica Amber Murray
wow. well, that's a whole lot, mom. that's more than enough.
mom
Well.. Perhaps pay a few months rent with it.
Don't tell disabilty though!
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah, that would be perfect for that. listen, i'm going to jump offline for two seconds to walk across the street to try and call my sister. i'll be back in a few minutes.
mom
K
Tell her to call me. Or just show up at my door.
Jessica Amber Murray
k. i tried to call collect, and it was blocked. then i tried to call nana collect, and it was blocked. so i spent five dollars on an answering machine message. great. now i have to wait and see how she responds.
at
19:20
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
i need to ask you a favour
From: "jessica murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: sister’s email address
mom will lend me the cash, but she won’t wire it. even if i can get a hold of her, i don’t really trust nana to figure out how the computer works.
i assume you do banking online already. if so, sending an email transfer is super easy. if not, setting up an account with your bank will take two minutes. so, i was wondering if you could go pick it up, deposit it into your account and wire it.
now, it’s after 7:00 on a sunday, so if you deposit it into a bank machine, it’s not going to show up for a few days. so, you’d have to already have the cash in there. the places i’m juggling are 600, 650...so i asked to borrow $1300. in order for this to work, you’re going to have to already have $1300 in your account, then go get the $1300 from her and replace it.
honestly, you’d be better off waiting until tomorrow to get the money from mom. first, she’s clearly drunk right now. second, if you give it to a teller it will show up immediately; you won’t have to wait the few days for the machine to process it.
mom is claiming i shouldn’t pay it back, but she’s drunk. i can get her $650 on the first. i think the city will likely give me roughly $500 on top of that. and i am still expecting some money from the stepmother in the near future (she offered me $2000 up front just a few days ago, which is where that number came from).
i have to get this to the guy by tomorrow, otherwise i’m probably coming home with nothing. of course, in that scenario, i’m coming back, likely within a week. now that i know how cheap rent is here in windsor, i’d be a fucking idiot to go back to ottawa where i’m paying twice as much.
so, please let me know if you can do this ASAP.
j
To: sister’s email address
mom will lend me the cash, but she won’t wire it. even if i can get a hold of her, i don’t really trust nana to figure out how the computer works.
i assume you do banking online already. if so, sending an email transfer is super easy. if not, setting up an account with your bank will take two minutes. so, i was wondering if you could go pick it up, deposit it into your account and wire it.
now, it’s after 7:00 on a sunday, so if you deposit it into a bank machine, it’s not going to show up for a few days. so, you’d have to already have the cash in there. the places i’m juggling are 600, 650...so i asked to borrow $1300. in order for this to work, you’re going to have to already have $1300 in your account, then go get the $1300 from her and replace it.
honestly, you’d be better off waiting until tomorrow to get the money from mom. first, she’s clearly drunk right now. second, if you give it to a teller it will show up immediately; you won’t have to wait the few days for the machine to process it.
mom is claiming i shouldn’t pay it back, but she’s drunk. i can get her $650 on the first. i think the city will likely give me roughly $500 on top of that. and i am still expecting some money from the stepmother in the near future (she offered me $2000 up front just a few days ago, which is where that number came from).
i have to get this to the guy by tomorrow, otherwise i’m probably coming home with nothing. of course, in that scenario, i’m coming back, likely within a week. now that i know how cheap rent is here in windsor, i’d be a fucking idiot to go back to ottawa where i’m paying twice as much.
so, please let me know if you can do this ASAP.
j
at
19:17
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
can you identify somebody being blackout drunk solely via text message?
Jessica Amber Murray
i have a favour to ask. i'll understand if it's impossible, but i'm getting sort of desperate. i came down to windsor looking for a place to stay. the rent down here is very cheap. i've got two offers out for two bedrooms - one is $600 + hydro and is the entire top floor of a house, the other is $650 all inclusive and is a basement apartment that is bigger than any basement i've ever lived in. both would run over $1300 in ottawa. it's literally half price. now, i went down here expecting the following things: 1) that my stepmother would wire me around $400 on or around july 26th. 2) that i would get a lease signed near the end of july. 3) that i could take the lease to odsp, which would upgrade me to the full $1025 rental + basic needs amount. 4) that i would be eligible for some kind of first-and-last rent helper program. i don't know what exists in windsor, but such things do exist in ottawa. it's obviously not possible to place first & last down from a single odsp check, and it's not reasonable to expect any savings from an income that is 60% of the minimum wage. 5) that the $400 + $1025 + helper money would be enough to get first and last down and eat for the month (although not much more). 6) that my dad would still be alive when i got home. what's actually happened is that everybody wants first and last before the first. i didn't think it would the biggest problem. i had a talk with dad and the stepmother last week, where she promised him that she'd take care of me by wiring me some money when i needed it. it was a direct "bob, i promise" sort of thing. she initially offered to give me $2000 cash on the spot, but i was a little skeptical about taking that much at once for a number of reasons. i thought it would be a better idea to wire me small amounts at once. that's where the $400 amount came from. the idea, though, was that they should hold on to the cash until i needed it for something. at the moment, i need it for something, but she's refusing to even wire me the $400. she claims she doesn't have any money, which is of course bullshit. to begin with, she had $2000 to give me last week. it's not a leap of logic to deduce that she just doesn't want to wire me any money. that was a promise to her husband, made on his death bed, and broken in less than 12 hours after his death. i don't know how this is going to work out, but i'm beyond livid. i'm sitting alone in a tim horton's in windsor, and she just doesn't give a fuck. i'm not above suing her and dragging it out as long as possible. i'd probably even take pleasure from seeing her completely ruined and penniless. the hate is hard to quantify. i've been sending out emails to nana all afternoon, with the hope that she'll read them when she gets home from the cottage. i'm not sure that she will. further, i'm not confident that she's going to be able to figure out how to wire it over the internet. i've sent her directions, but she's just so horrible with computers... i asked the stepmother for the $2000 she initially offered me. i asked nana for $1500 to cover first/last rent, a hostel for the night (i can claim this through odsp living expenses) and a ticket home (i didn't want to miss the funeral...but it's been pushed back to thursday, so i should be able to hitch it if i have to, now). i'm going to ask you for just the $1300 for the rent. as for paying it back, i can get $650 back to you immediately on the first of august (out of the 1025...i need to eat...), plus whatever the city gives me tomorrow (i'm thinking it's probably around $500). on top of that, i do expect some money from the stepmother soon, so if the city gives less i can pay it back from there. i know it's a big chunk. and i need it wired here by tomorrow morning. if this is impossible, i understand. if it's not, it might be my last chance to not go home without a place here. (if i do go home without a place, i'd come back for september. there's no possible way i'm paying ottawa prices anymore, not after i've seen the prices down here.)
it could in theory be wired immediately over the internet, and i can help you do that. you'd really just have to set up an internet banking account with your bank.
mom
Yes...I can give your money....
Only thing is ...I can only give in cash.
No.. I am not willing to set up with an internet dumb site!
You have to come to my house and see me in person...
You don't have to pay anything back...It is my gift to you...
Jessica Amber Murray
ok. i appreciate the gift, but that won't work. i need to get the downpayment down before i leave windsor. also, i promise we'll go for lunch before i leave. and, yes you can come visit. i was even thinking of maybe asking you to drive the moving van down (i'd pay for it). is your license still suspended? i wonder if i could get my sister to go pick it up and wire the cash. are you in vanier?
mom
Yes.. I am in Vanier. And Yes...My license is valid...
Jessica Amber Murray
if i asked my sister to go pick it up and then set up an internet account (she probably already has one) and then wire it to me would you be ok with that? it's just that the whole point is getting the place. if i go home and get the cash, i'm going to lose the place; if i come back in a few weeks, i probably won't need the cash anymore. and i'll pay you back. i promise that. possibly immediately when i get home (depending on how the odsp thing works out).
mom
Well.. My Love...You wouldn't have to worry about paying me back....Is your sister in town? She would have to pick up my cash then??
Jessica Amber Murray
as far as i know, she's with my stepmother right now. of course, i'll have to ask her. what i need is it wired. if you don't want to wire it, maybe she'll wire it. i mean, i'm in windsor, i can't come get it...
mom
I am immoblized(sp?) right now!.....I can give it to her..If she wants to come here and pick it up??
Jessica Amber Murray
yup, that's what i'm going to ask. it's after 7:00, though, so she wouldn't be able to deposit the money right away. she could maybe come pick it up tomorrow if you'd rather. or maybe she'll just lend it to me herself.
mom
Whatever... I am good for it!
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, i'm sending her an email right now.
mom
K
Ok...How Much?
i have a favour to ask. i'll understand if it's impossible, but i'm getting sort of desperate. i came down to windsor looking for a place to stay. the rent down here is very cheap. i've got two offers out for two bedrooms - one is $600 + hydro and is the entire top floor of a house, the other is $650 all inclusive and is a basement apartment that is bigger than any basement i've ever lived in. both would run over $1300 in ottawa. it's literally half price. now, i went down here expecting the following things: 1) that my stepmother would wire me around $400 on or around july 26th. 2) that i would get a lease signed near the end of july. 3) that i could take the lease to odsp, which would upgrade me to the full $1025 rental + basic needs amount. 4) that i would be eligible for some kind of first-and-last rent helper program. i don't know what exists in windsor, but such things do exist in ottawa. it's obviously not possible to place first & last down from a single odsp check, and it's not reasonable to expect any savings from an income that is 60% of the minimum wage. 5) that the $400 + $1025 + helper money would be enough to get first and last down and eat for the month (although not much more). 6) that my dad would still be alive when i got home. what's actually happened is that everybody wants first and last before the first. i didn't think it would the biggest problem. i had a talk with dad and the stepmother last week, where she promised him that she'd take care of me by wiring me some money when i needed it. it was a direct "bob, i promise" sort of thing. she initially offered to give me $2000 cash on the spot, but i was a little skeptical about taking that much at once for a number of reasons. i thought it would be a better idea to wire me small amounts at once. that's where the $400 amount came from. the idea, though, was that they should hold on to the cash until i needed it for something. at the moment, i need it for something, but she's refusing to even wire me the $400. she claims she doesn't have any money, which is of course bullshit. to begin with, she had $2000 to give me last week. it's not a leap of logic to deduce that she just doesn't want to wire me any money. that was a promise to her husband, made on his death bed, and broken in less than 12 hours after his death. i don't know how this is going to work out, but i'm beyond livid. i'm sitting alone in a tim horton's in windsor, and she just doesn't give a fuck. i'm not above suing her and dragging it out as long as possible. i'd probably even take pleasure from seeing her completely ruined and penniless. the hate is hard to quantify. i've been sending out emails to nana all afternoon, with the hope that she'll read them when she gets home from the cottage. i'm not sure that she will. further, i'm not confident that she's going to be able to figure out how to wire it over the internet. i've sent her directions, but she's just so horrible with computers... i asked the stepmother for the $2000 she initially offered me. i asked nana for $1500 to cover first/last rent, a hostel for the night (i can claim this through odsp living expenses) and a ticket home (i didn't want to miss the funeral...but it's been pushed back to thursday, so i should be able to hitch it if i have to, now). i'm going to ask you for just the $1300 for the rent. as for paying it back, i can get $650 back to you immediately on the first of august (out of the 1025...i need to eat...), plus whatever the city gives me tomorrow (i'm thinking it's probably around $500). on top of that, i do expect some money from the stepmother soon, so if the city gives less i can pay it back from there. i know it's a big chunk. and i need it wired here by tomorrow morning. if this is impossible, i understand. if it's not, it might be my last chance to not go home without a place here. (if i do go home without a place, i'd come back for september. there's no possible way i'm paying ottawa prices anymore, not after i've seen the prices down here.)
it could in theory be wired immediately over the internet, and i can help you do that. you'd really just have to set up an internet banking account with your bank.
mom
Yes...I can give your money....
Only thing is ...I can only give in cash.
No.. I am not willing to set up with an internet dumb site!
You have to come to my house and see me in person...
You don't have to pay anything back...It is my gift to you...
Jessica Amber Murray
ok. i appreciate the gift, but that won't work. i need to get the downpayment down before i leave windsor. also, i promise we'll go for lunch before i leave. and, yes you can come visit. i was even thinking of maybe asking you to drive the moving van down (i'd pay for it). is your license still suspended? i wonder if i could get my sister to go pick it up and wire the cash. are you in vanier?
mom
Yes.. I am in Vanier. And Yes...My license is valid...
Jessica Amber Murray
if i asked my sister to go pick it up and then set up an internet account (she probably already has one) and then wire it to me would you be ok with that? it's just that the whole point is getting the place. if i go home and get the cash, i'm going to lose the place; if i come back in a few weeks, i probably won't need the cash anymore. and i'll pay you back. i promise that. possibly immediately when i get home (depending on how the odsp thing works out).
mom
Well.. My Love...You wouldn't have to worry about paying me back....Is your sister in town? She would have to pick up my cash then??
Jessica Amber Murray
as far as i know, she's with my stepmother right now. of course, i'll have to ask her. what i need is it wired. if you don't want to wire it, maybe she'll wire it. i mean, i'm in windsor, i can't come get it...
mom
I am immoblized(sp?) right now!.....I can give it to her..If she wants to come here and pick it up??
Jessica Amber Murray
yup, that's what i'm going to ask. it's after 7:00, though, so she wouldn't be able to deposit the money right away. she could maybe come pick it up tomorrow if you'd rather. or maybe she'll just lend it to me herself.
mom
Whatever... I am good for it!
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, i'm sending her an email right now.
mom
K
Ok...How Much?
at
18:38
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
Re: i'm in windsor
From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: grandmother’s email address
ok, so this is how this would have to work.
What is Interac e-Transfer and what are the associated fees?
The Interac e-Transfer service allows you to securely send or receive money online via email. Here's how it works: the person sending money enters the recipient's email address, the amount they wish to send, and a security question. The recipient receives an email notifying them of the transfer and, once they correctly answer the security question (chosen by the sender), they can deposit the money to any Canadian-dollar bank account held at a Canadian financial institution. Once the recipient has deposited the transfer, the sender will receive an email confirming that the transfer was successfully completed.
Interac e-Transfers cost $1.00 to send. There is no fee to cancel an Interac e-Transfer if you do so within 24 hours of sending. However, after 24 hours there is a $5.00 fee to cancel.
so, that's what this is. you get to send me the security question, and i get to answer it.
you're with td. what you need to do is follow the instructions here, which are pretty simple. just create an easyweb account with td and use the interface on the page.
http://www.tdcanadatrust.com/products-services/banking/electronic-banking/ways-to-pay/email-transfer.jsp?cm_sp=cPAY000-022
i'm in a tim hortons, but i have groceries in my bag. i'm going to go sit outside and eat a salami sandwich. if you need me to call, please send me an email and i will call from a pay phone.
again, i'm sorry, but my stepmother just shot me in the face. if there was any chance of reconciliation, it's just evaporated.
To: grandmother’s email address
ok, so this is how this would have to work.
What is Interac e-Transfer and what are the associated fees?
The Interac e-Transfer service allows you to securely send or receive money online via email. Here's how it works: the person sending money enters the recipient's email address, the amount they wish to send, and a security question. The recipient receives an email notifying them of the transfer and, once they correctly answer the security question (chosen by the sender), they can deposit the money to any Canadian-dollar bank account held at a Canadian financial institution. Once the recipient has deposited the transfer, the sender will receive an email confirming that the transfer was successfully completed.
Interac e-Transfers cost $1.00 to send. There is no fee to cancel an Interac e-Transfer if you do so within 24 hours of sending. However, after 24 hours there is a $5.00 fee to cancel.
so, that's what this is. you get to send me the security question, and i get to answer it.
you're with td. what you need to do is follow the instructions here, which are pretty simple. just create an easyweb account with td and use the interface on the page.
http://www.tdcanadatrust.com/products-services/banking/electronic-banking/ways-to-pay/email-transfer.jsp?cm_sp=cPAY000-022
i'm in a tim hortons, but i have groceries in my bag. i'm going to go sit outside and eat a salami sandwich. if you need me to call, please send me an email and i will call from a pay phone.
again, i'm sorry, but my stepmother just shot me in the face. if there was any chance of reconciliation, it's just evaporated.
at
17:26
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
the queen of windsor
ESA
Omg the lady i might rent a room with sounds so awesome. She sounds like the queen of the windsor arts scene
Jessica Amber Murray
good for you.
i'm sure she'll be floored by my musical brilliance, then.
ESA
Ok, ross.
Jessica Amber Murray
i don't even know if that's an insult or not.
ESA
Lol
Bahhj this lady sounds so awesome. Shes obseased with doritos too
Jessica Amber Murray
really? sounds like some fun dorito nacho parties are to be had.
ESA
She was also impressed by my ability to find condomsband tanpons by the thousand. A good sign
Omg the lady i might rent a room with sounds so awesome. She sounds like the queen of the windsor arts scene
Jessica Amber Murray
good for you.
i'm sure she'll be floored by my musical brilliance, then.
ESA
Ok, ross.
Jessica Amber Murray
i don't even know if that's an insult or not.
ESA
Lol
Bahhj this lady sounds so awesome. Shes obseased with doritos too
Jessica Amber Murray
really? sounds like some fun dorito nacho parties are to be had.
ESA
She was also impressed by my ability to find condomsband tanpons by the thousand. A good sign
at
17:07
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
i don’t actually even really know what the fuck she’s even talking about
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at
16:44
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
Re: i'm in windsor
From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: grandmother’s email address
i just called td to ask them if there was an easy way to transfer money over the phone. there isn't. however, it can be transferred over email.
i need to set up an account, first. i'll then write you a tutorial that explains how to do it.
i'm sorry, but i was really relying on that transfer. i was there in the room when she promised in front of him. they were going to give me $2000 up front, but i asked them to hold on to it for a bit so that it could be applied towards something i needed.
this is something i need...
...and he wasn't even dead for a day before she broke that promise.
i can almost assure you that she's planning on giving that money to my sister instead. and i hate to say it, but i'm going to drag her ass through court if she wants to play like this.
i'll have another email coming in a few minutes.
To: grandmother’s email address
i just called td to ask them if there was an easy way to transfer money over the phone. there isn't. however, it can be transferred over email.
i need to set up an account, first. i'll then write you a tutorial that explains how to do it.
i'm sorry, but i was really relying on that transfer. i was there in the room when she promised in front of him. they were going to give me $2000 up front, but i asked them to hold on to it for a bit so that it could be applied towards something i needed.
this is something i need...
...and he wasn't even dead for a day before she broke that promise.
i can almost assure you that she's planning on giving that money to my sister instead. and i hate to say it, but i'm going to drag her ass through court if she wants to play like this.
i'll have another email coming in a few minutes.
at
16:26
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
Re: i'm in windsor
From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: grandmother’s email address
my stepmother is NOT wiring me the money she promised to wire me.
To: grandmother’s email address
my stepmother is NOT wiring me the money she promised to wire me.
at
15:41
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
ugh. she fucking bailed on me. again. i'm not getting a dime out of this woman without taking her to court.
gotta call my grandmother...
gotta call my grandmother...
at
15:39
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
RE: your dad
From: stepmother’s address
To: "'jessica murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
your sister says Leo's phone is ***********.
I have no money at the moment. The service is on Thursday at McEvoy-Shields and the internment is Friday at Pinecrest.
To: "'jessica murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
your sister says Leo's phone is ***********.
I have no money at the moment. The service is on Thursday at McEvoy-Shields and the internment is Friday at Pinecrest.
at
15:37
Location:
Ottawa, ON, Canada
oh no, he didn't....
Illuminous
i just want you both to know that i really appreciate you making me laugh last night. i really needed it, after talking to my dad.
ESA
Hahaaaaaa lol ok. Any time. Were jess and i more hillarious than usual? Jeeeeebusss
Illuminous
the rondeau rivalry was a good distraction
ESA
RONDO.
Jessica Amber Murray
i think illuminous is quite correct, actually.
i just want you both to know that i really appreciate you making me laugh last night. i really needed it, after talking to my dad.
ESA
Hahaaaaaa lol ok. Any time. Were jess and i more hillarious than usual? Jeeeeebusss
Illuminous
the rondeau rivalry was a good distraction
ESA
RONDO.
Jessica Amber Murray
i think illuminous is quite correct, actually.
at
15:10
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
Re: your dad
From: "jessica murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address
ok, i'll have to leave tuesday night, then.
i'm sorry to be irritating about this, but she's not going to be back until tonight, and i can't even be sure if she's going to check her email. i don't even know leo's phone number. i might not be able to even contact her.
it should be something you can do over the internet. if there's a fee, i'll swallow it.
i understand there are costs involved in planning a funeral and that they take precedent. however, i have to know if you're wiring or not so i can plan around it (which might mean hitching out tomorrow afternoon empty-handed).
j
To: stepmother’s email address
ok, i'll have to leave tuesday night, then.
i'm sorry to be irritating about this, but she's not going to be back until tonight, and i can't even be sure if she's going to check her email. i don't even know leo's phone number. i might not be able to even contact her.
it should be something you can do over the internet. if there's a fee, i'll swallow it.
i understand there are costs involved in planning a funeral and that they take precedent. however, i have to know if you're wiring or not so i can plan around it (which might mean hitching out tomorrow afternoon empty-handed).
j
at
13:56
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
RE: your dad
From: stepmother’s email address
To: "'jessica murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
The service will start around 10:00 AM Wednesday....
To: "'jessica murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
The service will start around 10:00 AM Wednesday....
at
13:52
Location:
Ottawa, ON, Canada
incrementally pivoting away
ESA
How are you doing?
Jessica Amber Murray
i'm alright. i had a little cry this morning, but it passed quickly. i'll probably take the bus home...the funeral is on wednesday... i was expecting a wire transfer from my step mother a few days ago, but it didn't go through because she couldn't leave the room while he was dying. everything revolved around that transfer. i'm not certain it's coming anymore. so i'm stressing about that a bit. but i'm emotionally stable. i mean, this has been two years coming. i've had a lot of time to cope. it was just watching him go through the process of actually dying that i wanted to avoid. it might hit me harder later, but right now i'm really more glad it's over for everybody - especially him. he was always very stoic, but the last few months were terrible for him.
i was hoping to get a room by noon and start calling people, but i need the transfer to cover it. i sent a lot of emails out last night and didn't get anything back except 'rented'. it's getting late, though, so i'm going to hit the pay phones....
ESA
:( :( :( :( :( :( :(
so you're still in Windsor? When is the bus ?
I'll see I I can find you money or something
Jessica Amber Murray
you *are* turning into your mother - yes i'm in windsor!! i'd catch the bus out probably tuesday night, maybe wednesday morning. i'll find a way to scrobble something together, don't worry about it....it'll be either my stepmother or my grandmother at the last minute...
ESA
WOAH
I AM A MOM.
It didn't click in until right now.
Jessica Amber Murray
lols. i think you can settle for worried friend :P. i'll be in windsor until i bus out, though, k? i'll be in ottawa for wednesday at the latest. and i'm leaving with a place, too. in fact, i already have one. i just have to get him a check. i'm pretty sure i have two, even. i'm just looking to see if i can find something better... all is well.
ESA
If I can't take Leroy, do you want him for a bit? I'l buy kitty pheromones
I found a room, I think with some artist/photographer lady. she seems kewl.
It would be until I find a permanent place for him. I'll pay for food and litter and stuff
Jessica Amber Murray
actually, i kind of wanted to have a talk with you about crashing with leroy. i've seen what leroy is capable of. i think it depends on the place. i don't mind cats in general, but leroy has some glandular problems and some anger management issues and i'm not really comfortable with dealing with that. with the one on high street, i think he could be an outside cat for a few weeks. i could put some food out for him. if he wants to chill, we can play in the yard. in the house? not so keen on that. for the one on marion (which is the one i really want), it's a little less safe for him to be outside, i think. there's a yard in the back, but i suspect he'd escape. maybe the change of scenery will modify his behaviour. in all honesty, though, i'd prefer you find another person to watch him for a bit.
ESA
I think he needs to be outside. he has so much energy. He's been great for the last 2 weeks though. ever since i got rid of that couch.
Jessica Amber Murray
hrmmn. well, i'm not going to make a decision that's going to result in you losing your cat. can you brainstorm other ideas, though?
ESA
somebody else in Windsor. They haven't emailed me back, but it seems like its a ground floor house...
I meant, the place with the room is a ground floor house.
If they don't want him, then maybe he can live with illuminous? But I don't know what his plans are
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, i like being the backup plan for leroy better :)
ESA
kk :)
Jessica Amber Murray
i also just want to reiterate that if you're just looking to crash for a few weeks and then find something else then i'm perfectly comfortable with you crashing with me. not pressuring, just pointing out that you don't *have* to pay that temporary rent (although i suppose it was smart to plan around me, considering my payment plan is in a questionable state)
i think illuminous mentioned that if he doesn't hear back from one of the places that an application was filled out for then he's going to stay in ottawa. that being said, i think he was kind of basing his decision on living with at least one of us. and guess it's down to etan at this point.
ESA
Yeah. I just don't want to deal with the pressure of dealing with them. If illuminous wants a roommate, then he should find one, and not rely on me to figure it out. Maybe he can contact etan.
I'm going to talk to him tomorrow about it. Or the next day. Need a few to figure my own shit out
Jessica Amber Murray
k. sorry to be apprehensive about leroy, but if you need me to do anything else down here in the next day or two or the next upcoming weeks i probably can.
ESA
No probs. I got everything under control. Also, you can use all my stuff if u want......shower curtain, dishes etc. I dont want to pay for a storage container
Jessica Amber Murray
i should have a ton of that stuff, but i don't mind hanging on to it. i should have a little bit of temporary storage space. not a whole lot, though.
ESA
Oh oknever mind then. I just thought u might need it.
Jessica Amber Murray
i've still got dishes and most other things of the nature from my last place. they're in my dad's garage. like, i'm going to need a big van to move. and a shower curtain is $5.
ESA
Lol my shower curtain waa fifty
Jessica Amber Murray
is it made of out of print vinyl? wow....
ESA
Well its a cloth one which was 35 and the liner was 7
Its very beautiful
God im bourgie
Jessica Amber Murray
aaaah. well, maybe i *will* take your shmancy shower curtain, then!
ESA
Ok but ill want it back. It was sort of an investment for my future.
Jessica Amber Murray
you should put it in a lock box, the value of cloth grows exponentially over time.
ESA
Hahahjaha
How are you doing?
Jessica Amber Murray
i'm alright. i had a little cry this morning, but it passed quickly. i'll probably take the bus home...the funeral is on wednesday... i was expecting a wire transfer from my step mother a few days ago, but it didn't go through because she couldn't leave the room while he was dying. everything revolved around that transfer. i'm not certain it's coming anymore. so i'm stressing about that a bit. but i'm emotionally stable. i mean, this has been two years coming. i've had a lot of time to cope. it was just watching him go through the process of actually dying that i wanted to avoid. it might hit me harder later, but right now i'm really more glad it's over for everybody - especially him. he was always very stoic, but the last few months were terrible for him.
i was hoping to get a room by noon and start calling people, but i need the transfer to cover it. i sent a lot of emails out last night and didn't get anything back except 'rented'. it's getting late, though, so i'm going to hit the pay phones....
ESA
:( :( :( :( :( :( :(
so you're still in Windsor? When is the bus ?
I'll see I I can find you money or something
Jessica Amber Murray
you *are* turning into your mother - yes i'm in windsor!! i'd catch the bus out probably tuesday night, maybe wednesday morning. i'll find a way to scrobble something together, don't worry about it....it'll be either my stepmother or my grandmother at the last minute...
ESA
WOAH
I AM A MOM.
It didn't click in until right now.
Jessica Amber Murray
lols. i think you can settle for worried friend :P. i'll be in windsor until i bus out, though, k? i'll be in ottawa for wednesday at the latest. and i'm leaving with a place, too. in fact, i already have one. i just have to get him a check. i'm pretty sure i have two, even. i'm just looking to see if i can find something better... all is well.
ESA
If I can't take Leroy, do you want him for a bit? I'l buy kitty pheromones
I found a room, I think with some artist/photographer lady. she seems kewl.
It would be until I find a permanent place for him. I'll pay for food and litter and stuff
Jessica Amber Murray
actually, i kind of wanted to have a talk with you about crashing with leroy. i've seen what leroy is capable of. i think it depends on the place. i don't mind cats in general, but leroy has some glandular problems and some anger management issues and i'm not really comfortable with dealing with that. with the one on high street, i think he could be an outside cat for a few weeks. i could put some food out for him. if he wants to chill, we can play in the yard. in the house? not so keen on that. for the one on marion (which is the one i really want), it's a little less safe for him to be outside, i think. there's a yard in the back, but i suspect he'd escape. maybe the change of scenery will modify his behaviour. in all honesty, though, i'd prefer you find another person to watch him for a bit.
ESA
I think he needs to be outside. he has so much energy. He's been great for the last 2 weeks though. ever since i got rid of that couch.
Jessica Amber Murray
hrmmn. well, i'm not going to make a decision that's going to result in you losing your cat. can you brainstorm other ideas, though?
ESA
somebody else in Windsor. They haven't emailed me back, but it seems like its a ground floor house...
I meant, the place with the room is a ground floor house.
If they don't want him, then maybe he can live with illuminous? But I don't know what his plans are
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, i like being the backup plan for leroy better :)
ESA
kk :)
Jessica Amber Murray
i also just want to reiterate that if you're just looking to crash for a few weeks and then find something else then i'm perfectly comfortable with you crashing with me. not pressuring, just pointing out that you don't *have* to pay that temporary rent (although i suppose it was smart to plan around me, considering my payment plan is in a questionable state)
i think illuminous mentioned that if he doesn't hear back from one of the places that an application was filled out for then he's going to stay in ottawa. that being said, i think he was kind of basing his decision on living with at least one of us. and guess it's down to etan at this point.
ESA
Yeah. I just don't want to deal with the pressure of dealing with them. If illuminous wants a roommate, then he should find one, and not rely on me to figure it out. Maybe he can contact etan.
I'm going to talk to him tomorrow about it. Or the next day. Need a few to figure my own shit out
Jessica Amber Murray
k. sorry to be apprehensive about leroy, but if you need me to do anything else down here in the next day or two or the next upcoming weeks i probably can.
ESA
No probs. I got everything under control. Also, you can use all my stuff if u want......shower curtain, dishes etc. I dont want to pay for a storage container
Jessica Amber Murray
i should have a ton of that stuff, but i don't mind hanging on to it. i should have a little bit of temporary storage space. not a whole lot, though.
ESA
Oh oknever mind then. I just thought u might need it.
Jessica Amber Murray
i've still got dishes and most other things of the nature from my last place. they're in my dad's garage. like, i'm going to need a big van to move. and a shower curtain is $5.
ESA
Lol my shower curtain waa fifty
Jessica Amber Murray
is it made of out of print vinyl? wow....
ESA
Well its a cloth one which was 35 and the liner was 7
Its very beautiful
God im bourgie
Jessica Amber Murray
aaaah. well, maybe i *will* take your shmancy shower curtain, then!
ESA
Ok but ill want it back. It was sort of an investment for my future.
Jessica Amber Murray
you should put it in a lock box, the value of cloth grows exponentially over time.
ESA
Hahahjaha
at
12:35
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
Re: your dad
From: "jessica murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address
ok. presuming some money gets wired from one source or the other, i'll take the bus home on tuesday night or very early wednesday morning. it's about ten hours. nana won't be back in town until tonight. i should probably book that soon, though. what time are you planning for?
i have something lined up for sure tomorrow afternoon, i just have to get him a letter from odsp (which i'll have to get in the morning) and a check, but there's another place i like better that i'm hoping to hear back from first. i'll have to call them in the morning. thing is i can't stall the other one too long.....
j
To: stepmother’s email address
ok. presuming some money gets wired from one source or the other, i'll take the bus home on tuesday night or very early wednesday morning. it's about ten hours. nana won't be back in town until tonight. i should probably book that soon, though. what time are you planning for?
i have something lined up for sure tomorrow afternoon, i just have to get him a letter from odsp (which i'll have to get in the morning) and a check, but there's another place i like better that i'm hoping to hear back from first. i'll have to call them in the morning. thing is i can't stall the other one too long.....
j
at
11:53
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
RE: your dad
From: stepmother’s email address
To: "'jessica murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
We are looking at Wednesday for the funeral....
To: "'jessica murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
We are looking at Wednesday for the funeral....
at
11:40
Location:
Ottawa, ON, Canada
Re: i'm in windsor
From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: grandmother’s email address
he died this morning, around 1:45.
i think it's for the best that the process is over. it's been long, slow and painful for everybody, especially for him. with the kind of life he's been living over the last few months, death should be viewed as an escape from the cage of conscious existence.
it seems like what they did was take him off the anti-seizures and then load him up with sedatives. i haven't heard the exact cause yet, but it was probably a brain hemorrhage, and he probably went in his sleep.
there wasn't any other possible outcome. the drugs were just prolonging the inevitable.
that means she should, in theory, be able to wire it today. i'd appreciate it if you acted otherwise unless i send another email, though. she's not always reliable in the best of times, and she rarely is in the worst of them. if she's mad at me or resentful over me not being there, she won't wire it. altruism and empathy are two of the things that her psychological conditions do not allow for.
i'll be back in town in a few days for the funeral. i couldn't handle watching him die, but i definitely want to go to that. i need to find out when that is, too. i want to get something signed in the next day or two, get the keys, then leave immediately afterwards.
if neither of you wire it, i'm sort of fucked. if you both wire it, i can just give you the money back when i get back.
i'll let you know if she sends me any more info.
j
To: grandmother’s email address
he died this morning, around 1:45.
i think it's for the best that the process is over. it's been long, slow and painful for everybody, especially for him. with the kind of life he's been living over the last few months, death should be viewed as an escape from the cage of conscious existence.
it seems like what they did was take him off the anti-seizures and then load him up with sedatives. i haven't heard the exact cause yet, but it was probably a brain hemorrhage, and he probably went in his sleep.
there wasn't any other possible outcome. the drugs were just prolonging the inevitable.
that means she should, in theory, be able to wire it today. i'd appreciate it if you acted otherwise unless i send another email, though. she's not always reliable in the best of times, and she rarely is in the worst of them. if she's mad at me or resentful over me not being there, she won't wire it. altruism and empathy are two of the things that her psychological conditions do not allow for.
i'll be back in town in a few days for the funeral. i couldn't handle watching him die, but i definitely want to go to that. i need to find out when that is, too. i want to get something signed in the next day or two, get the keys, then leave immediately afterwards.
if neither of you wire it, i'm sort of fucked. if you both wire it, i can just give you the money back when i get back.
i'll let you know if she sends me any more info.
j
at
11:03
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
Re: your dad
From: "jessica murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address
i'm sorry i couldn't be there at the end, but i would like to be home for the funeral.
To: stepmother’s email address
i'm sorry i couldn't be there at the end, but i would like to be home for the funeral.
at
07:41
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
your dad
From: stepmother’s email address
To: "'jessica murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
Passed away Sunday morning at 1:45
To: "'jessica murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
Passed away Sunday morning at 1:45
at
02:22
Location:
Ottawa, ON, Canada
Saturday, July 27, 2013
you, you’re awesome
ESA
Jess, you're awesome.
Jessica Amber Murray
thanks?
ESA
i just read your post.
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah.
ESA
next time i see you, im gonna give you a hug
Jessica Amber Murray
k. thanks.
ESA
are you still in Windsor?
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah.
i'll be here a few more days.
i'm not going to do the hostel thing tonight, but i probably will tomorrow.
ESA
oh ok
did you have a fun day with ZID ?
Jessica Amber Murray
zid?
ESA
the wobblies.
Jessica Amber Murray
oh, no. i left before they got up. i know you're thinking i should call them. mackaye did give me his number. i'm kind of enjoying sitting alone in the coffee shop for the night, though. if things get heavy, though, i won't hesitate. i know my trigger symptoms.
ESA
ok, or if you want to call me thats cool too
Jessica Amber Murray
umm. are *you* still in windsor?
ESA
no
Jessica Amber Murray
k. yeah, i think i'm ok. i'm just really....calm. i'll probably want to talk later, in small bits. but right now, not so much.
ESA
Ok. I'm going to bed around midnight hopefully. have to work in the morning.
Jessica Amber Murray
sleep well, erin.
ESA
good luck in the hunt.
call me if you need to
Jessica Amber Murray
thanks :)
Jess, you're awesome.
Jessica Amber Murray
thanks?
ESA
i just read your post.
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah.
ESA
next time i see you, im gonna give you a hug
Jessica Amber Murray
k. thanks.
ESA
are you still in Windsor?
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah.
i'll be here a few more days.
i'm not going to do the hostel thing tonight, but i probably will tomorrow.
ESA
oh ok
did you have a fun day with ZID ?
Jessica Amber Murray
zid?
ESA
the wobblies.
Jessica Amber Murray
oh, no. i left before they got up. i know you're thinking i should call them. mackaye did give me his number. i'm kind of enjoying sitting alone in the coffee shop for the night, though. if things get heavy, though, i won't hesitate. i know my trigger symptoms.
ESA
ok, or if you want to call me thats cool too
Jessica Amber Murray
umm. are *you* still in windsor?
ESA
no
Jessica Amber Murray
k. yeah, i think i'm ok. i'm just really....calm. i'll probably want to talk later, in small bits. but right now, not so much.
ESA
Ok. I'm going to bed around midnight hopefully. have to work in the morning.
Jessica Amber Murray
sleep well, erin.
ESA
good luck in the hunt.
call me if you need to
Jessica Amber Murray
thanks :)
at
22:38
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
so, i'm slowly sorting through apartment listings in a tim horton's in windsor by myself because i'm afraid that if i go home i'll get episodic.
the irony was never really lost on me. i first clued in on the ride here. i almost didn't leave at all; i didn't think i was in a stable enough mindset. i thought i felt him pass on sunday night and took it as evidence of needing to turtle for a few days. that was a freaky night (this is why i slept in and screwed up my plan). i felt alright enough in the morning, though. or did i just trigger myself? was not feeling episodic a part of the episode? i'm still not sure. at least i feel fairly calm. i've been calm all week, pretty much. well, i got a little snappy in a game of scrabble, but that's it. i'm not at all frantic in any way. i'm just slowly sorting through apartment listings in a tim horton's in windsor by myself.
very calmly.
if i can compare episodes and argue that one type of episode is better than the other, i think i picked the less harmful option. i trust my ability to improvise more than i trust my ability to cope.
all hope is lost, but he's still hanging on. he wasn't supposed to make it through wednesday night. he wasn't supposed to make it through 2012, either. he has a habit of making it through things nobody expects him to make it through. so, it's sort of typical.
fuck, he might hang on until i get home.
no. he won't.
and then it won't be home anymore...
i recognize that this seems like a strange thing to think about on the brink of one's father's death. a monty python skit? yeah. but, it was a frequently reproduced one. he strongly identified with the black knight, here. i'm not sure how he managed to interpret the skit as a parable for perseverance, but he somehow did. if there was a hint of irony, a touch of sarcasm, a commentary on the futility of struggle, then i never really picked up on it.
it's a dark analogy, but it's been running through my mind the whole week.
the irony was never really lost on me. i first clued in on the ride here. i almost didn't leave at all; i didn't think i was in a stable enough mindset. i thought i felt him pass on sunday night and took it as evidence of needing to turtle for a few days. that was a freaky night (this is why i slept in and screwed up my plan). i felt alright enough in the morning, though. or did i just trigger myself? was not feeling episodic a part of the episode? i'm still not sure. at least i feel fairly calm. i've been calm all week, pretty much. well, i got a little snappy in a game of scrabble, but that's it. i'm not at all frantic in any way. i'm just slowly sorting through apartment listings in a tim horton's in windsor by myself.
very calmly.
if i can compare episodes and argue that one type of episode is better than the other, i think i picked the less harmful option. i trust my ability to improvise more than i trust my ability to cope.
all hope is lost, but he's still hanging on. he wasn't supposed to make it through wednesday night. he wasn't supposed to make it through 2012, either. he has a habit of making it through things nobody expects him to make it through. so, it's sort of typical.
fuck, he might hang on until i get home.
no. he won't.
and then it won't be home anymore...
i recognize that this seems like a strange thing to think about on the brink of one's father's death. a monty python skit? yeah. but, it was a frequently reproduced one. he strongly identified with the black knight, here. i'm not sure how he managed to interpret the skit as a parable for perseverance, but he somehow did. if there was a hint of irony, a touch of sarcasm, a commentary on the futility of struggle, then i never really picked up on it.
it's a dark analogy, but it's been running through my mind the whole week.
at
21:30
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
Re: i'm in windsor
From: Jessica Murray<death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: grandmother’s email address
ugh. ok. this is the email i didn't want to send...
i think i've found a nice spot that i like. it's a really nice two bedroom basement apartment in a traditional italian design. 1000 square feet. $650 all inclusive. i'm waiting to hear back, but could move in on the first. i've also found a second place that's about the same price, but a little further out of town. it's mine if i can get him first and last by monday.
now, i can handle most of first and last if i can get him to give me lease info and then wait until the first. unfortunately, that will probably cause me to lose the apartment.
i had a talk with my step-mother the other day and she said she was going to start wiring me around $400 on a monthly basis. the first and last depended on the odsp (which needs a lease) and the wire. she can't do the wire right now because he's literally on his death bed and cannot leave his side. it'll be any day now.
i feel i'm better off not being there. i've been through several mental collapses over the last few years, and i'm virtually certain that watching him convulse and cry and scream in fear and pain as he takes his last few breaths is going to send me right to the crazy house. i have to place reason over passion, here. i'm going to continue living. my mental health consequently takes priority. i'd be lying if i said i wasn't a little upset about this, but that's just how it is.
i also feel like i've already let go. really, he died a long time ago as far as i'm concerned. i thought he was dead when he went for the last surgery. i thought he was dead when he was in the hospital. i've done my crying, gone through my stages of loss and don't want to trigger myself back into it. i want to carry on, now.
i could wait for a few days, but that means i'd be looking for something for september and wasting lots of money on lots of silly things (i haven't paid for a hotel room yet but would have to if i'm here that much longer, eating fast food, etc). also, i just want to get this over with. and i honestly like this place.
so, i'm wondering if you could transfer me about $1500 asap. it can actually be done over the internet. i can get $650 of that back to you on the first of august, $400 near the beginning of september and the rest at the beginning of october.....unless she wires a larger chunk, in which case i could get it all back to you sooner.
after that, i can also start paying you back some of the other money i owe you. i can do something like $200/month.
again, i didn't want to send this. the money is coming in, though, and i am certain it will come back to you relatively quickly.
j
To: grandmother’s email address
ugh. ok. this is the email i didn't want to send...
i think i've found a nice spot that i like. it's a really nice two bedroom basement apartment in a traditional italian design. 1000 square feet. $650 all inclusive. i'm waiting to hear back, but could move in on the first. i've also found a second place that's about the same price, but a little further out of town. it's mine if i can get him first and last by monday.
now, i can handle most of first and last if i can get him to give me lease info and then wait until the first. unfortunately, that will probably cause me to lose the apartment.
i had a talk with my step-mother the other day and she said she was going to start wiring me around $400 on a monthly basis. the first and last depended on the odsp (which needs a lease) and the wire. she can't do the wire right now because he's literally on his death bed and cannot leave his side. it'll be any day now.
i feel i'm better off not being there. i've been through several mental collapses over the last few years, and i'm virtually certain that watching him convulse and cry and scream in fear and pain as he takes his last few breaths is going to send me right to the crazy house. i have to place reason over passion, here. i'm going to continue living. my mental health consequently takes priority. i'd be lying if i said i wasn't a little upset about this, but that's just how it is.
i also feel like i've already let go. really, he died a long time ago as far as i'm concerned. i thought he was dead when he went for the last surgery. i thought he was dead when he was in the hospital. i've done my crying, gone through my stages of loss and don't want to trigger myself back into it. i want to carry on, now.
i could wait for a few days, but that means i'd be looking for something for september and wasting lots of money on lots of silly things (i haven't paid for a hotel room yet but would have to if i'm here that much longer, eating fast food, etc). also, i just want to get this over with. and i honestly like this place.
so, i'm wondering if you could transfer me about $1500 asap. it can actually be done over the internet. i can get $650 of that back to you on the first of august, $400 near the beginning of september and the rest at the beginning of october.....unless she wires a larger chunk, in which case i could get it all back to you sooner.
after that, i can also start paying you back some of the other money i owe you. i can do something like $200/month.
this is
the necessary bank info:
account
#: ***************
branch
no: *******
institution
no: *** (scotiabank)
swift
code: *******
again, i didn't want to send this. the money is coming in, though, and i am certain it will come back to you relatively quickly.
j
at
20:08
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
Re: i'm in mississaugua
From: "jessica murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address
i'm sorry i had to ask, in all honesty. i couldn't handle what you're doing right now at all, and am not even going to try and say anything.
he knows i love him, but make sure it's clear if he asks.
j
To: stepmother’s email address
i'm sorry i had to ask, in all honesty. i couldn't handle what you're doing right now at all, and am not even going to try and say anything.
he knows i love him, but make sure it's clear if he asks.
j
at
19:39
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
too little, too late
ESA
Hey i think im quitting smoking
Well cutting down to five a day.
Jessica Amber Murray
probably a good idea. i'm going to need to do that soon, too. the drinking is also going to be cut down a lot when i get my shit set up. i'm going to try and set up some more viewings over the next few days. i think i'm going to give myself until the first to try and find something here before i move on to other cities in the area, but i think it should find something by monday, probably. i may settle for a one bedroom, if it's big enough, and just never invite anybody over for drinks. i'm finding nice ones for around 550-600 all inclusive, and nice two bedrooms for around 650 after utilities (or all inclusive), meaning that, realistically, you're probably looking at around 450-550 for a nice bachelor in a non-crappy area. that's not the $300 that you were hoping for, but it's still relatively cheap (those prices are impossible in ottawa). how you feeling about things, really? i know this trip was probably sort of a downer and not just because nothing was found but because it doesn't seem like what you were hoping to find is currently on the market. if you want to rant at all, let loose. it'd be nice to have a friend down here, but don't forget that staying at carleton and in ottawa remains an option.
if you really really want the space for your cat and the possibility of maybe moving a piano in, you could always try to get a room in somebody else's house. chances are low that they'll even run a credit check at all. there seems to be a lot of listings like this for 300-450. here's one...http://windsor.kijiji.ca/c-ViewAd?AdId=500184770
ESA
i'm definitely leaving ottawa. I have to. I dont have any options. The trip was not such a downer... it was good, but me finding an apartment was sabotaged. Im also quite frustrated about my friendship with iluminous, and that he can't make decisions for himself. Its a lot of pressure to figure shit out for two people. I've been feeling lately that people take advantage of my initiative, like I'm being followed around by a bunch of lost puppies all of the time. I'm going to start figuring things out for myself first, because I'm not together enough to figure shit out for other people.
Well you weren't a lost puppy, you were just waiting things out.
I'm not going to talk over the internet.
Could you please help me find a place once you're in Windsor?
Jessica Amber Murray
yup, i'll help. this place might be big enough for the two of us, if you could handle living with me. well, if we could handle living together. getting a piano down the stairs might be a problem. but it looks like there's enough space for one down there. good cat neighbourhood. a bit out of town, though. not too bad. it's south of the centre of the city, at least. looks about the same distance as westboro to the rideau centre (if i were to guess). http://windsor.kijiji.ca/c-real-estate-apartments-condos-2-bedroom-2-BDRM-650-00-HYDRO-HEAT-INCLUDED-CLOSE-TO-DEVONSHIRE-MALL-W0QQAdIdZ506973240
ESA
this one? i'm looking for you
http://windsor.kijiji.ca/c-real-estate-apartments-condos-2-bedroom-Just-reduced-avail-Immediately-Great-Central-Location-595-W0QQAdIdZ507889145
and then i'll come crash if i need to
Jessica Amber Murray
ESA
You should get the one on high street. its super nice.
Jessica Amber Murray
it is, but it's far. and the other one is actually *nicer*.
Hey i think im quitting smoking
Well cutting down to five a day.
Jessica Amber Murray
probably a good idea. i'm going to need to do that soon, too. the drinking is also going to be cut down a lot when i get my shit set up. i'm going to try and set up some more viewings over the next few days. i think i'm going to give myself until the first to try and find something here before i move on to other cities in the area, but i think it should find something by monday, probably. i may settle for a one bedroom, if it's big enough, and just never invite anybody over for drinks. i'm finding nice ones for around 550-600 all inclusive, and nice two bedrooms for around 650 after utilities (or all inclusive), meaning that, realistically, you're probably looking at around 450-550 for a nice bachelor in a non-crappy area. that's not the $300 that you were hoping for, but it's still relatively cheap (those prices are impossible in ottawa). how you feeling about things, really? i know this trip was probably sort of a downer and not just because nothing was found but because it doesn't seem like what you were hoping to find is currently on the market. if you want to rant at all, let loose. it'd be nice to have a friend down here, but don't forget that staying at carleton and in ottawa remains an option.
if you really really want the space for your cat and the possibility of maybe moving a piano in, you could always try to get a room in somebody else's house. chances are low that they'll even run a credit check at all. there seems to be a lot of listings like this for 300-450. here's one...http://windsor.kijiji.ca/c-ViewAd?AdId=500184770
ESA
i'm definitely leaving ottawa. I have to. I dont have any options. The trip was not such a downer... it was good, but me finding an apartment was sabotaged. Im also quite frustrated about my friendship with iluminous, and that he can't make decisions for himself. Its a lot of pressure to figure shit out for two people. I've been feeling lately that people take advantage of my initiative, like I'm being followed around by a bunch of lost puppies all of the time. I'm going to start figuring things out for myself first, because I'm not together enough to figure shit out for other people.
Well you weren't a lost puppy, you were just waiting things out.
I'm not going to talk over the internet.
Could you please help me find a place once you're in Windsor?
Jessica Amber Murray
yup, i'll help. this place might be big enough for the two of us, if you could handle living with me. well, if we could handle living together. getting a piano down the stairs might be a problem. but it looks like there's enough space for one down there. good cat neighbourhood. a bit out of town, though. not too bad. it's south of the centre of the city, at least. looks about the same distance as westboro to the rideau centre (if i were to guess). http://windsor.kijiji.ca/c-real-estate-apartments-condos-2-bedroom-2-BDRM-650-00-HYDRO-HEAT-INCLUDED-CLOSE-TO-DEVONSHIRE-MALL-W0QQAdIdZ506973240
ESA
this one? i'm looking for you
http://windsor.kijiji.ca/c-real-estate-apartments-condos-2-bedroom-Just-reduced-avail-Immediately-Great-Central-Location-595-W0QQAdIdZ507889145
and then i'll come crash if i need to
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah, i saw that one, but i can't handle $800 after utilities. if you're more comfortable crashing and finding your own place, that's fine. that one i sent just looks unusually huge, and we'd both save some cash in the end... the one i saw yesterday is this one: http://www.rent4all.ca/listings/tohouse.php?id=992_1&s=. sucks that there aren't pictures, but it's as nice inside as the one i saw today (and have if i want it) which is here (and has pictures). http://windsor.kijiji.ca/c-real-estate-apartments-condos-2-bedroom-2-bedroom-upper-duplex-unit-5-min-east-of-Walkerville-area-W0QQAdIdZ507622327
ESA
You should get the one on high street. its super nice.
Jessica Amber Murray
it is, but it's far. and the other one is actually *nicer*.
at
18:15
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
RE: i'm in mississaugua
From: stepmother’s email address
To: "'jessica murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
I am sitting by your dad while he is dying. I cannot leave for any reason so I suggest at this time you ask your grandmother....
To: "'jessica murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
I am sitting by your dad while he is dying. I cannot leave for any reason so I suggest at this time you ask your grandmother....
at
17:56
Location:
Ottawa, ON, Canada
Re: i'm in mississaugua
From: "jessica murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address
i got the message from my sister saying he probably wouldn't make it through the night. i know i'm far away, but i also know there's not much i can say or do right now.
i tried to explain to my sister that i feel it's better for my own mental health to stay away from everything right now. i don't think i can do anything for anybody else, either. i've done a little crying over the last week, but i'm in a stable mental state right now and i kind of want to keep myself that way. when i get overwhelmed by things, i'm prone to extreme mental collapses and irrational, outlandish behaviour. when i'm not overwhelmed i'm the opposite; i suppose this is one of those times where i'm just being incomprehensibly rational: i feel i'm at peace, that everything that needed to be said and felt and released has happened, and that the only possible result of being there would have been to create a level of trauma that would haunt me for the next several years or decades. i'm sorry, but i feel it's better for me to avoid that.
i know this isn't the best time to ask, but i need to ask you to wire some cash. i guess we talked about this, but my plan for first and last has run into some complications. i was thinking i'd sign a lease for the upcoming month, then get the lease to odsp. at that point, they'd give me enough cash for first and last. however, it seems that the places i've been looking at want the money before the first. odsp won't front it. i could borrow the money from my grandmother, but the end result is that it would be repaid from the money you're giving me anyways.
i understand why right now isn't the best time to have this talk, but if it's possible to send me around $2000 in the next day or two that should be enough to let me get things in order and then some (in fact, it'd give me significant breathing room). we can talk about how we want to do the rest later (i'd prefer to let the $2000 be a five or six month advance and then do it monthly, but we can talk later).
j
To: stepmother’s email address
i got the message from my sister saying he probably wouldn't make it through the night. i know i'm far away, but i also know there's not much i can say or do right now.
i tried to explain to my sister that i feel it's better for my own mental health to stay away from everything right now. i don't think i can do anything for anybody else, either. i've done a little crying over the last week, but i'm in a stable mental state right now and i kind of want to keep myself that way. when i get overwhelmed by things, i'm prone to extreme mental collapses and irrational, outlandish behaviour. when i'm not overwhelmed i'm the opposite; i suppose this is one of those times where i'm just being incomprehensibly rational: i feel i'm at peace, that everything that needed to be said and felt and released has happened, and that the only possible result of being there would have been to create a level of trauma that would haunt me for the next several years or decades. i'm sorry, but i feel it's better for me to avoid that.
i know this isn't the best time to ask, but i need to ask you to wire some cash. i guess we talked about this, but my plan for first and last has run into some complications. i was thinking i'd sign a lease for the upcoming month, then get the lease to odsp. at that point, they'd give me enough cash for first and last. however, it seems that the places i've been looking at want the money before the first. odsp won't front it. i could borrow the money from my grandmother, but the end result is that it would be repaid from the money you're giving me anyways.
i understand why right now isn't the best time to have this talk, but if it's possible to send me around $2000 in the next day or two that should be enough to let me get things in order and then some (in fact, it'd give me significant breathing room). we can talk about how we want to do the rest later (i'd prefer to let the $2000 be a five or six month advance and then do it monthly, but we can talk later).
j
at
16:33
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
a high stakes game of russian poker
Jessica Amber Murray
i definitely got the place i looked at today. dude thought i was awesome in the unstable sort of way. he thought odsp + unstable mental health + musician + hitchhiking was like the definition of being cool. i'm supposed to drop him off first/last tomorrow afternoon, and get the keys on tuesday. i'm going to try and stall him for a few days, though. the location has pros and cons. it's a five minute walk to the east of walkerville, on the other side of a trainyard. getting there means walking all the way around the train yard and then all the way under the train yard. clearly a con in terms of travel time, but also a pro in terms of it being isolated. it's also on the edge of an older working class neighbourhood that's in the process of being updated to newer houses. no human would possible go to this street unless they lived on it. i sort of like that. it's cheap. 595 + hydro. but the other one was 650 all inclusive, bigger, nicer and in a more central part of town. so, i'd rather take the other place, but i don't hate this place, either. i don't know when i'll hear back, though. so, it's kind of a tender operation - if i stall this guy too long he'll rent it to somebody else. let's hope i can juggle this right.... if things fall through and one or both of you come back looking again, i suggest you try to avoid the rental companies in favour of going directly to small property owners. that's what i've learned from this experience. no management company would think hitching for hundreds of kilometres to build a recording studio is a cool thing to do. either way, i'll be in windsor for a while still. i'm currently in the walkerville branch of the windsor public library, which is on tecumseh just southeast of where we were staying. this afternoon, i'm going to do a really comprehensive survey of the rental market in southern ontario.
ESA
How long u in Windsor for?
Jessica Amber Murray
not sure. depends. if i get the place i liked, possibly forever (except to come back and get shit).
ESA
Hehe kewl
i definitely got the place i looked at today. dude thought i was awesome in the unstable sort of way. he thought odsp + unstable mental health + musician + hitchhiking was like the definition of being cool. i'm supposed to drop him off first/last tomorrow afternoon, and get the keys on tuesday. i'm going to try and stall him for a few days, though. the location has pros and cons. it's a five minute walk to the east of walkerville, on the other side of a trainyard. getting there means walking all the way around the train yard and then all the way under the train yard. clearly a con in terms of travel time, but also a pro in terms of it being isolated. it's also on the edge of an older working class neighbourhood that's in the process of being updated to newer houses. no human would possible go to this street unless they lived on it. i sort of like that. it's cheap. 595 + hydro. but the other one was 650 all inclusive, bigger, nicer and in a more central part of town. so, i'd rather take the other place, but i don't hate this place, either. i don't know when i'll hear back, though. so, it's kind of a tender operation - if i stall this guy too long he'll rent it to somebody else. let's hope i can juggle this right.... if things fall through and one or both of you come back looking again, i suggest you try to avoid the rental companies in favour of going directly to small property owners. that's what i've learned from this experience. no management company would think hitching for hundreds of kilometres to build a recording studio is a cool thing to do. either way, i'll be in windsor for a while still. i'm currently in the walkerville branch of the windsor public library, which is on tecumseh just southeast of where we were staying. this afternoon, i'm going to do a really comprehensive survey of the rental market in southern ontario.
ESA
How long u in Windsor for?
Jessica Amber Murray
not sure. depends. if i get the place i liked, possibly forever (except to come back and get shit).
ESA
Hehe kewl
at
15:04
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
mom
So...Do you think that you will be actually living in Windsor? Can I come and visit you!? I would love to live there! So much warmer!...
I lived there for about 4 months way back when the distant, unknown aunt and the correspondingly distant and unknown uncle lived in a trailor there. I lived with them and worked as a waitress. I loved it!
It was more like 8 months actually.
Jessica Amber Murray
it appears that way, but i'm not entirely sure yet. i'm going to spend a few days exploring the area on my way home. i think i will end up somewhere in southern ontario though. i'll let you know what's going on when i know more.
mom
K...Good Luck! Love You. ^_^
Jessica Amber Murray
here's an email address i check regularly in case you go off facebook again: death.to.koalas@gmail.com
So...Do you think that you will be actually living in Windsor? Can I come and visit you!? I would love to live there! So much warmer!...
I lived there for about 4 months way back when the distant, unknown aunt and the correspondingly distant and unknown uncle lived in a trailor there. I lived with them and worked as a waitress. I loved it!
It was more like 8 months actually.
Jessica Amber Murray
it appears that way, but i'm not entirely sure yet. i'm going to spend a few days exploring the area on my way home. i think i will end up somewhere in southern ontario though. i'll let you know what's going on when i know more.
mom
K...Good Luck! Love You. ^_^
Jessica Amber Murray
here's an email address i check regularly in case you go off facebook again: death.to.koalas@gmail.com
at
10:36
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
Re: dad
From: "jessica murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: sister’s email address
i think i found a two bedroom in windsor. it's actually really, really nice. $650 all inclusive. i'll find out soon.
esa's mom vetoed letting her hitch with me and bought her a bus ticket. she went down on the bus with a mutual friend, illuminous. i kind of didn't want to spend $200 on bus tickets and hitched by myself.
hitching up the 401 is safe if you know how to do it, which is to hang out at truck stops. i hitched with truckers most of the way down and will hitch with truckers most of the way back. not a concern.
this guy illuminous is basically just following her around, and she's totally taking advantage of it. she would have been ok with us all getting a place together, but he keeps pushing for a two bedroom for the two of them and she doesn't want that. at all. yet, she needs to get to windsor because she's transferring to the university here. he kind of screwed things up, and it's kind of her fault for letting him rather than telling him to stay home.
so, it's now my responsibility to find a place she can crash at for a bit until she can find her own place. i totally saw this coming, though.
i'm going to take the slow route home. hit a few small towns. try and stay in the area in case something in windsor comes up for the first, or, if it doesn't, in case i can find something in another town around here.
so, i won't be home for at least a few days.
it seems like i'm moving on quickly. it's not like i haven't been thinking about this almost non-stop for the last two years. it's not like the decisions i'm making right now are in a vacuum. i'm sure you have, too.
i just feel like everything i have to let go of, to deal with, to compensate for and whatnot has already been worked through. death is final. i'm extremely glad they're medicating him. i hope it's as painless as possible. but i've dealt with that on a psychological and emotional level. as much respect as i have for dad, i realize that the exact emotions that run through his mind as he is dying are inconsequential to all remaining living beings. i need to focus on the living. i need to keep going. he'd want that.
at this point, i don't know if he made it through the night or not. he knows i love him, but if he needs reassurance you can tell him i've sent an email stating i do.
personally, i need to clear my head, not get bogged down in a type of depression that i don't have the psychological tools to deal with and prepare for the rest of my life.
jessica
To: sister’s email address
i think i found a two bedroom in windsor. it's actually really, really nice. $650 all inclusive. i'll find out soon.
esa's mom vetoed letting her hitch with me and bought her a bus ticket. she went down on the bus with a mutual friend, illuminous. i kind of didn't want to spend $200 on bus tickets and hitched by myself.
hitching up the 401 is safe if you know how to do it, which is to hang out at truck stops. i hitched with truckers most of the way down and will hitch with truckers most of the way back. not a concern.
this guy illuminous is basically just following her around, and she's totally taking advantage of it. she would have been ok with us all getting a place together, but he keeps pushing for a two bedroom for the two of them and she doesn't want that. at all. yet, she needs to get to windsor because she's transferring to the university here. he kind of screwed things up, and it's kind of her fault for letting him rather than telling him to stay home.
so, it's now my responsibility to find a place she can crash at for a bit until she can find her own place. i totally saw this coming, though.
i'm going to take the slow route home. hit a few small towns. try and stay in the area in case something in windsor comes up for the first, or, if it doesn't, in case i can find something in another town around here.
so, i won't be home for at least a few days.
it seems like i'm moving on quickly. it's not like i haven't been thinking about this almost non-stop for the last two years. it's not like the decisions i'm making right now are in a vacuum. i'm sure you have, too.
i just feel like everything i have to let go of, to deal with, to compensate for and whatnot has already been worked through. death is final. i'm extremely glad they're medicating him. i hope it's as painless as possible. but i've dealt with that on a psychological and emotional level. as much respect as i have for dad, i realize that the exact emotions that run through his mind as he is dying are inconsequential to all remaining living beings. i need to focus on the living. i need to keep going. he'd want that.
at this point, i don't know if he made it through the night or not. he knows i love him, but if he needs reassurance you can tell him i've sent an email stating i do.
personally, i need to clear my head, not get bogged down in a type of depression that i don't have the psychological tools to deal with and prepare for the rest of my life.
jessica
at
03:02
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
Friday, July 26, 2013
crazy few days.
think i found something. not yet clear. find out soon.
going to take the slow route home, through a number of small towns. should be fun, if nothing else.
think i found something. not yet clear. find out soon.
going to take the slow route home, through a number of small towns. should be fun, if nothing else.
at
21:30
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
Re: dad
From: "jessica murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: sister’s email address
i actually don't think i can handle that.
i know i can come off as a little cold sometimes, and i guess this is one of those situations. i think watching him die is just going to upset me. possibly extremely profoundly. i'd rather be as far away as possible.
i felt i said goodbye on the phone the other day, and i'm at peace with that.
i'm sorry. i just don't think i can handle it.
To: sister’s email address
i actually don't think i can handle that.
i know i can come off as a little cold sometimes, and i guess this is one of those situations. i think watching him die is just going to upset me. possibly extremely profoundly. i'd rather be as far away as possible.
i felt i said goodbye on the phone the other day, and i'm at peace with that.
i'm sorry. i just don't think i can handle it.
at
11:00
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
Re: i'm in mississaugua
From: "jessica murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address
i'm here with ESA and a mutual friend named illuminous. there is possibly a fourth person coming, etan.
the main idea was to try and find a house for super cheap. she doesn't want to pay more than $300, she wants space for a piano on the main floor and she wants a porch for her cat. i need studio space, which means i'd get the basement. i tried to explain before we left that we probably wouldn't find that. i mean, these places exist. we're staying in a hundred year old house with four bedrooms and a huge basement for $750. but they're not plentiful - there's nothing currently on the market. realistically, rent would have to be around $400-450, minimum. which is still cheap, but...
i was expecting this plan would fall through and i'd get a two bedroom, and i've told them that.
we were able to find one place and we put down an application for it but it's not really what any of us want. i'd get the attic rather than the basement. it's second floor. no porch (but a backyard). we don't think they'll rent to us, anyways.
they're going home tomorrow morning. i'll keep backpacking around the area.
keep me updated. i'm glad they're medicating him though, i really wasn't liking thinking about what he must be thinking.
To: stepmother’s email address
i'm here with ESA and a mutual friend named illuminous. there is possibly a fourth person coming, etan.
the main idea was to try and find a house for super cheap. she doesn't want to pay more than $300, she wants space for a piano on the main floor and she wants a porch for her cat. i need studio space, which means i'd get the basement. i tried to explain before we left that we probably wouldn't find that. i mean, these places exist. we're staying in a hundred year old house with four bedrooms and a huge basement for $750. but they're not plentiful - there's nothing currently on the market. realistically, rent would have to be around $400-450, minimum. which is still cheap, but...
i was expecting this plan would fall through and i'd get a two bedroom, and i've told them that.
we were able to find one place and we put down an application for it but it's not really what any of us want. i'd get the attic rather than the basement. it's second floor. no porch (but a backyard). we don't think they'll rent to us, anyways.
they're going home tomorrow morning. i'll keep backpacking around the area.
keep me updated. i'm glad they're medicating him though, i really wasn't liking thinking about what he must be thinking.
at
10:55
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
dad
From: sister’s email address
To: "jessica murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
he’s not going to make it through the night tonight. they were surprised he made it through last night. if you want to say anything or simply be here, i suggest you come home asap.
To: "jessica murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
he’s not going to make it through the night tonight. they were surprised he made it through last night. if you want to say anything or simply be here, i suggest you come home asap.
at
07:53
Location:
Ottawa, ON, Canada
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Re: i'm in windsor
From: grandmother’s email address
To: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
I am glad you are safe!Take your time before committing to staying in Windsor, Perth certainly is a lot closer to this part of the world.I'm sorry to hear about your dad,I hope he dose not suffer too much.I have been back & forth to the apt & spent the past 2 days cleaning,vacumming etc quite a job!Leo has a dr's appointment tomorrow so kind of scary as it will tell us how the treatment is proceeding. We will then go to the cottage as normal on the weekend.Take care Jessica,thanks for the update I'll look forward to your next message.luv nana
To: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
I am glad you are safe!Take your time before committing to staying in Windsor, Perth certainly is a lot closer to this part of the world.I'm sorry to hear about your dad,I hope he dose not suffer too much.I have been back & forth to the apt & spent the past 2 days cleaning,vacumming etc quite a job!Leo has a dr's appointment tomorrow so kind of scary as it will tell us how the treatment is proceeding. We will then go to the cottage as normal on the weekend.Take care Jessica,thanks for the update I'll look forward to your next message.luv nana
at
18:35
Location:
Ottawa, ON, Canada
RE: i'm in mississaugua
From: stepmother’s email address
To: "'jessica murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
Your dad can no longer get out of bed. He is having a hard time with oral meds so most of his pills have been changed to injections. He is resting comfortably because the doctor has been giving him phenobarbital for seizures because she is reducing the other anti-seizure meds which must be taken orally.
He is thus sleeping a lot.
Did ESA go with you?
Stay safe!
To: "'jessica murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
Your dad can no longer get out of bed. He is having a hard time with oral meds so most of his pills have been changed to injections. He is resting comfortably because the doctor has been giving him phenobarbital for seizures because she is reducing the other anti-seizure meds which must be taken orally.
He is thus sleeping a lot.
Did ESA go with you?
Stay safe!
at
12:05
Location:
Ottawa, ON, Canada
Re: i'm in mississaugua
From: "jessica murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address
i made it to windsor. it took about 24 hours. i'm staying with a friend of a friend's.
windsor is a little boring, but i feel safe enough in certain areas. there's a few areas i'd want to avoid.
the price of a two bedroom for myself seems to be about 600-650. that's way cheaper than here, obviously. however, i'm going to be putting my standards up a bit, because it's boring. cornwall is also cheap and boring, but way closer.
if i can find something i really like, i'll stay. i'm not going to compromise or the sake of it being windsor, though.
i'm probably going to be gone a while, as i'm likely going to stop in a few other places. chatham is even cheaper, but i think i'll probably end up in waterloo. can you keep me updated on his status every day or two?
j
To: stepmother’s email address
i made it to windsor. it took about 24 hours. i'm staying with a friend of a friend's.
windsor is a little boring, but i feel safe enough in certain areas. there's a few areas i'd want to avoid.
the price of a two bedroom for myself seems to be about 600-650. that's way cheaper than here, obviously. however, i'm going to be putting my standards up a bit, because it's boring. cornwall is also cheap and boring, but way closer.
if i can find something i really like, i'll stay. i'm not going to compromise or the sake of it being windsor, though.
i'm probably going to be gone a while, as i'm likely going to stop in a few other places. chatham is even cheaper, but i think i'll probably end up in waterloo. can you keep me updated on his status every day or two?
j
at
11:12
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
i'm in windsor
from: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: grandmother’s email address
it took about 24 hours to hitch here.
i'm staying at a friend of a friend's.
i'm looking at two bedroom apartments for myself. they're around $600-650, which is still very cheap. i'm going to see what's available and make a decision from there. windsor is kind of boring from my perspective, so i'm going to be setting my standards high. i don't totally mind living somewhere boring if i can get the space i need to record.
that being said, i'm going to check rent prices in places like perth before i make a decision. that's a lot closer.
i was upset the other day because my dad had just called. he was slipping into paralysis and was calling to say goodbye before he lost his ability to talk. i was really borderline in a state of shock. talking just didn't interest me, i wanted to think.
it's probably going to be a while before i get back. i'll keep you updated.
j
To: grandmother’s email address
it took about 24 hours to hitch here.
i'm staying at a friend of a friend's.
i'm looking at two bedroom apartments for myself. they're around $600-650, which is still very cheap. i'm going to see what's available and make a decision from there. windsor is kind of boring from my perspective, so i'm going to be setting my standards high. i don't totally mind living somewhere boring if i can get the space i need to record.
that being said, i'm going to check rent prices in places like perth before i make a decision. that's a lot closer.
i was upset the other day because my dad had just called. he was slipping into paralysis and was calling to say goodbye before he lost his ability to talk. i was really borderline in a state of shock. talking just didn't interest me, i wanted to think.
it's probably going to be a while before i get back. i'll keep you updated.
j
at
11:07
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
arriving in windsor for the first time
Jessica Amber Murray
i've been here for a little over an hour, but got stuck in a timmy's with broken wifi during the rain. had to walk up to the next timmy's... so, what next? i'm just off highway 401, i'll get the address in a second, let me check google. i guess the important thing i need to know is if i need to check into a hostel tonight or not.
k, so i'm at tecumseh & huron church line (highway 3)
sorry. no line. just tecumseh & huron church.
ESA
were in walkerville
Jessica Amber Murray
so...you wanna meet somewhere? doesn't look like that far a walk, but i need an exact intersection or place because i have to find wifi and plug in to communicate. also...hostel. did you contact mackaye? i'd obviously rather not book a hostel if i don't have to, but if i do have to i want to do it soon.
ESA
Yeh u have a place at mackayes. Well meet u at kildare house. Its a pub in walkerville. 40 minutes? Dont know the address
Its on the corner of wyandotte and kildare
Jessica Amber Murray
k, i can't judge how long it will take, but if i go up highway 3 i can turn right on wyandotte and make it to kildare. leaving now, unless you want to say anything else before i leave.
(pause)
k, i'm gone.
i've been here for a little over an hour, but got stuck in a timmy's with broken wifi during the rain. had to walk up to the next timmy's... so, what next? i'm just off highway 401, i'll get the address in a second, let me check google. i guess the important thing i need to know is if i need to check into a hostel tonight or not.
k, so i'm at tecumseh & huron church line (highway 3)
sorry. no line. just tecumseh & huron church.
ESA
were in walkerville
Jessica Amber Murray
so...you wanna meet somewhere? doesn't look like that far a walk, but i need an exact intersection or place because i have to find wifi and plug in to communicate. also...hostel. did you contact mackaye? i'd obviously rather not book a hostel if i don't have to, but if i do have to i want to do it soon.
ESA
Yeh u have a place at mackayes. Well meet u at kildare house. Its a pub in walkerville. 40 minutes? Dont know the address
Its on the corner of wyandotte and kildare
Jessica Amber Murray
k, i can't judge how long it will take, but if i go up highway 3 i can turn right on wyandotte and make it to kildare. leaving now, unless you want to say anything else before i leave.
(pause)
k, i'm gone.
at
16:11
Location:
Windsor, ON, Canada
so, mavis was a horrendous place to hitch from. heavy traffic, and nowhere to stop. plus, the off ramp looked sketchy.
so, i took a west just north of the 401 hoping to get to the next exit, ended up getting lost in a wealthy neighbourhood, and came out on the side of a farm road. hey, a bus stop. more importantly, a map in the shelter.
i forked out the three dollars to get to the next off ramp, which was scalable, and caught a ride with another trucker pretty quickly to a service station outside ingersoll. had to hide in there for a few minutes due to opp hanging around the on ramp. made me wonder if he called me in.
i caught a ride almost instantly out to the outskirts of london, but it's unfortunately begun to rain. forecast claims this will happen lightly all afternoon. going to finish this coffee at this denny's here and likely just deal with it.
as an aside, i'm sort of enjoying this, excluding that creep, which i'm going to blame on being in the jane street area. i think i'm going to take the scenic route home.
so, i took a west just north of the 401 hoping to get to the next exit, ended up getting lost in a wealthy neighbourhood, and came out on the side of a farm road. hey, a bus stop. more importantly, a map in the shelter.
i forked out the three dollars to get to the next off ramp, which was scalable, and caught a ride with another trucker pretty quickly to a service station outside ingersoll. had to hide in there for a few minutes due to opp hanging around the on ramp. made me wonder if he called me in.
i caught a ride almost instantly out to the outskirts of london, but it's unfortunately begun to rain. forecast claims this will happen lightly all afternoon. going to finish this coffee at this denny's here and likely just deal with it.
as an aside, i'm sort of enjoying this, excluding that creep, which i'm going to blame on being in the jane street area. i think i'm going to take the scenic route home.
at
13:30
Location:
London, ON, Canada
RE: i'm in mississaugua
From: stepmother’s email address
To: "'jessica murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
He is in bed all the time now...He is still lucid and wants to eat mainly sweets....Yhe doctor has asked for a daily nurse from 7-3 who will be starting today. The doctor thinks he needs a catheter now and I know that will be a big fight!
Stay safe!
To: "'jessica murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
He is in bed all the time now...He is still lucid and wants to eat mainly sweets....Yhe doctor has asked for a daily nurse from 7-3 who will be starting today. The doctor thinks he needs a catheter now and I know that will be a big fight!
Stay safe!
at
06:54
Location:
Ottawa, ON, Canada
got a few hours sleep. the sun should be up soon. had to take off somewhere else.
i try to be compassionate to schizophrenic people. while it's something that is fairly mild and infrequent, i've been through my share of episodes. but sometimes the things that come out of their mouths are legitimately unsettling in a way i'm not able to deal with.
the surgical mask is a pretty common characteristic. there's germs in the air. in truth, there's enough smog and pollution in the air in most major cities to turn the question around: why aren't we *all* wearing air filters? i can absolutely see the logic in this.
his grandmother wasn't around, though. she's likely long dead (he looked roughly 50). even that's not such an upsetting thing to interact with. so he's talking to his dead grandma. like, i know he's *really* talking to himself, that's just how he does it. to an extent i'm doing exactly the same thing right now, really.
it's when the topic turned morbid that i got unsettled, because i didn't know what he had in his bag. see, supposedly the big tsunami a few years ago was some kind of spiritual event. i wasn't able to follow the narrative entirely (it wasn't fully coherent, and i was trying to get a little rest), but it seems to be that there were angels that came down during the tidal wave and that they spread from vancouver across north america. i'm ultimately going to interpret that racially, and assume he's talking about asian immigration to north america and speciously connecting it to the tsunami. as god is evil (he is constantly lying, and only a fool would trust him), the angels are by extension the enemies of humanity. it's up to the humans to fight the angels. that's not his fault, either - the blood is on god's hands.
now, even that in itself wouldn't be enough to incite me to leave. it would leave me a little perturbed, concerned, but i get that schizophrenic people are schizophrenic and they're working out whatever they're working out. i can't construct the specific narrative because i don't know the guy, but it's likely a perfectly reasonable allegory for whatever life events have left him traumatized - it's his confused way of understanding whatever he can't really understand. there's a way to decode the message, even if i have no idea how. that's fine.
unfortunately, i felt targeted, and started wondering if he may have seen my facebook post. i allow followers, and have dozens of them that i know almost nothing about. hey, i run a more interesting than average profile. i've temporarily switched this post to friends only for that reason. he kept talking about how he finally found "him" (no, we didn't have a talk about gender pronouns), and what happens next is on god's hands. the common themes of god's hands and violence made me very uncomfortable.
he was also talking about how there will never be another one like "him" and it's humanity's only chance and he's sorry grandma but...
he just kept saying "him". no further specification. but it seemed like he was looking for somebody and found that person, and i was the only other person there.
so, yeah, i'll be glad to get out of toronto. the bike he was riding isn't going to get him very far down the road.
maybe i should interpret it as a compliment. if i picked up his message clearly, he was calling me an angel.
...but if he walks in here, i'm going to freak out.
i try to be compassionate to schizophrenic people. while it's something that is fairly mild and infrequent, i've been through my share of episodes. but sometimes the things that come out of their mouths are legitimately unsettling in a way i'm not able to deal with.
the surgical mask is a pretty common characteristic. there's germs in the air. in truth, there's enough smog and pollution in the air in most major cities to turn the question around: why aren't we *all* wearing air filters? i can absolutely see the logic in this.
his grandmother wasn't around, though. she's likely long dead (he looked roughly 50). even that's not such an upsetting thing to interact with. so he's talking to his dead grandma. like, i know he's *really* talking to himself, that's just how he does it. to an extent i'm doing exactly the same thing right now, really.
it's when the topic turned morbid that i got unsettled, because i didn't know what he had in his bag. see, supposedly the big tsunami a few years ago was some kind of spiritual event. i wasn't able to follow the narrative entirely (it wasn't fully coherent, and i was trying to get a little rest), but it seems to be that there were angels that came down during the tidal wave and that they spread from vancouver across north america. i'm ultimately going to interpret that racially, and assume he's talking about asian immigration to north america and speciously connecting it to the tsunami. as god is evil (he is constantly lying, and only a fool would trust him), the angels are by extension the enemies of humanity. it's up to the humans to fight the angels. that's not his fault, either - the blood is on god's hands.
now, even that in itself wouldn't be enough to incite me to leave. it would leave me a little perturbed, concerned, but i get that schizophrenic people are schizophrenic and they're working out whatever they're working out. i can't construct the specific narrative because i don't know the guy, but it's likely a perfectly reasonable allegory for whatever life events have left him traumatized - it's his confused way of understanding whatever he can't really understand. there's a way to decode the message, even if i have no idea how. that's fine.
unfortunately, i felt targeted, and started wondering if he may have seen my facebook post. i allow followers, and have dozens of them that i know almost nothing about. hey, i run a more interesting than average profile. i've temporarily switched this post to friends only for that reason. he kept talking about how he finally found "him" (no, we didn't have a talk about gender pronouns), and what happens next is on god's hands. the common themes of god's hands and violence made me very uncomfortable.
he was also talking about how there will never be another one like "him" and it's humanity's only chance and he's sorry grandma but...
he just kept saying "him". no further specification. but it seemed like he was looking for somebody and found that person, and i was the only other person there.
so, yeah, i'll be glad to get out of toronto. the bike he was riding isn't going to get him very far down the road.
maybe i should interpret it as a compliment. if i picked up his message clearly, he was calling me an angel.
...but if he walks in here, i'm going to freak out.
at
04:30
Location:
Mississauga, ON, Canada
i'm in mississaugua
From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: stepmother's email address
i had a plan to be in kitchener by the end of the night, but it went awry. i was trying to avoid hitching up the 401 in toronto because i know it's awful. but i missed the go train.
where i am is past the worst of it. it should be a quick ride tomorrow.
i don't expect the answer to this question to be good, and i sort of dread asking it, but i need to know: how is he?
j
To: stepmother's email address
i had a plan to be in kitchener by the end of the night, but it went awry. i was trying to avoid hitching up the 401 in toronto because i know it's awful. but i missed the go train.
where i am is past the worst of it. it should be a quick ride tomorrow.
i don't expect the answer to this question to be good, and i sort of dread asking it, but i need to know: how is he?
j
at
01:20
Location:
Mississauga, ON, Canada
Monday, July 22, 2013
please, people. don't honk at hitchhikers unless you plan to actually stop. it's heartbreaking. especially on the fucking 401 in toronto.
the fucking 401 in toronto.
i had a plan to avoid the fucking 401 in toronto. it involved hitching to oshawa early, hopping two different legs of the go train and eventually ending up in kitchener, where hitching is less strenuous. see, the side of the 401 in toronto is a scary place. of course, i slept in and it all fell apart and i ended up doing what i tried to plan around.
yes, a long day, but an interesting one. currently in a mcdonalds in mississaugua for the night. will get a few hours of sleep on the grass outside and keep going when the sun comes up. select stories follow...
so, i meant to be up and out by 7:00 but wasn't out of the house until a little after 10:00. despite other slight problems, this is the singular problem that fucked everything up.
the plan was to hop the back of the 96 at tunney's and get off in stittsville, but i got confused about the route. i thought the bus was going to circle back to hazeldean in the end. yet, it did no such thing. i should have known better than to try and hitch up fernbank; i think i did, really, i was more thinking i could walk up to highway 7. yet, a few minutes down the road it became clear that i was walking into an area that has more coyotes than people. so, around i turned and up carp road i went back to hazeldean...
i stopped in a coffee shop with wifi to touch in with some people only to find out that my laptop isn't recognizing my hard drive. great. see, it does that sometimes; it just needs a few tries. i need to get the data off this thing and switch laptops. but it didn't want to work quite right then.
whatever, keep going.
some ski bum dude that looked like he was on his way to go stalk jack white gave me a lift up to the highway 7 turnpike, which was a creepy walk down. again: i wanted to be off that road quickly due to coyote issues. luckily, it was only a few minutes before somebody gave me a lift out to carleton place....
it seems like a life time ago now, but some time in the distance past i dated a nice young lady from carleton place for a few years. she warned me time and time again: "never try and hitch out of carleton place!".
well, it took three hours, but it turned out ok in the end. i got a lift from a trucker up highway 7 right into toronto. transporting milk, he was. an older dude - mid 60s. slight lisp, probably from a stroke or two. seemed to sort of dad me. won't get into that right now.
he had a friend a few trucks up; i got to listen to a very long radio conversation between the two of them.
"what other industry has held the same wages since 1986?"
i didn't pull out my wage/inflation chart.
"we should shut them down for a few days. that'd get them to fucking listen."
"naw. the young drivers would never go for it. they're talk, but no action."
"fuck, i remember back when we had the teamsters. when we voted, we acted. and the people that didn't act ended up at the bottom of the river."
"yeah, and what are we now? we're just a fucking piece of shit is what we are."
they went on about this for a while. i said nothing. just listened.
"i've been doing this for 45 years and people ask me when i'm going to retire. i ask them when they're planning the box."
"but, i've had enough of driving trucks. i used to haul gravel. i don't want to do that anymore either. maybe i'll just get a job at home depot or something."
"yeah, maybe i'll apply for something at walmart."
ack.
he let me off at a split from the express into the collector going off to highway 400. it only took a few minutes before i realized that hitching from there was as unlikely as it was unsafe. so, i hopped across the feeder lane with the intent of going into toronto and seeing what might happen...
the hop across the lanes wasn't too bad; there was even a path along the far side of the highway on the other side of a concrete barrier. so, i hopped that. i wasn't sure if i was at ground level or elevated and wanted to get to ground level. after a short walk i came across a road that ran underneath the expressway; unmarked, no exit. yet, that was ground level...
i found out later it was jane street. for those unfamiliar with toronto, that's the street you don't want to be on.
i didn't know that at the time, though. getting down to the road seemed like a challenge, but not an impossible one: a small hill, a mild jump from a concrete slab overlooking the road. yet, on closer inspection, the jump seemed a bit too much. ok, i'll go around. problem: a barbed wire fence.
i took a walk up to the end. surely, they didn't actually fence in a grassed area on the side of the road? yes, they actually did. trapped! found a tree stump, took a pair of extra socks out and put them over my hands to deal with the wire, but i wasn't tall enough to get over the fence with it. kept looking; there must be a hole or a weakness. indeed, there was a space that had been uprooted to crawl under. my bag got trapped momentarily, i felt like i was stuck, but i was able to squirm out and sneak under. freedom...
a mall is ahead of me. ok. where am i? first sign says "beverly hills". thank you universe for your sense of humour. hilarious, really.
kept walking up what i later learned was jane street, in the general direction of finch. found a subway.
"where's the closest go train station"
no answer. try the beer store. didn't know. fuck. hey, there's some punk kids over there...
"do you know where the closest go station is?"
"there isn't a close one."
"is there a university campus somewhere near here i could sleep at?"
"no."
"how long do the connector lanes in the 401 go on for?"
"not sure."
"ok. then, what's the best way to keep going parallel to the 401?"
"i don't know, but if you follow this road here it should get you in the right direction."
ok, then. down wilson with my thumb out...
so, here's my creepy pick up story for this trip. every hitching trip has one.
older dude picks me up.
"where you going?"
"windsor."
"why windsor?"
"i'm meeting some friends there."
"is one of them your boyfriend?"
*pause*
"no, but one of them is my girlfriend."
(apologies to erin, that's not true and wasn't stated with intent, i was just trying to throw him off)
"i think you should be my girlfriend."
"nnnnnno. i don't think so."
"what? don't you like to hear about how sexy your body is?"
“i want you to let me out right now."
"i want to drive you home"
"NO. NOW."
he slowed down a little, tried to turn into a parking lot. i opened the door as he was turning, which made him stop immediately.
"creep."
there's a bus stopped down the street. great. escape. run...
"how far can you get me in the direction of kitchener?"
"i'm with the toronto bus, and i only go down the street, then the brampton bus takes over."
i've heard of this before, this bus service in toronto that isn't remotely connected and requires absurd transfers in weird places. i explained there was a creep weirding me out, so he just let me on for free down the street.
when i got off i was at the intersection of weston and albion. the on ramp there was closed; bad to hitch at. so, i took a look at some maps and realized the best thing to do was walk down weston to dixon, then up dixon to the dixon-401 ramp.
turns out the map's scale was a little smaller than expected. that was an hour walk. it was a nice walk, though, over the humber and through some bourgy neighbourhoods. by the time i got there it was definitely dark...
i decided to wait until 11:00 and if nobody picked me up i'd walk to the airport and crash there. somebody did pick me up, though, a nice south asian dude with a minivan full of carseats. unfortunately, he dropped me off in pretty much the same sort of on-the-401 situation i had tried to escape from previously.
this was a slightly better place to hitch, though. there was an extended median in the road, and the traffic was a little lighter. i was getting impatient, though. hitching on the 401 is a bad idea to begin with. hitching on the 401 in the dark with dark clothes on is just flat out stupid. i was literally turning around to try and get into brampton when i took one last glance and saw somebody was waiting...
older hippie dude this time.
"you need to get off the highway immediately before the cops come pick you up."
"honestly, they may get me close to where i'm..."
"just get in."
he proceeded to completely berate me for hitching in the dark. what the fuck was wrong with me?
"i know, i've done this before and..."
"well, then you should know better."
"i do know better."
"then what the fuck are you doing?"
"well, it's circumstance."
"i'll drop you at mavis, and hitch from the fucking on ramp."
i decided to go get something to eat and found this mcdonalds that i'm at. he's right. i do know better. i'll start again when the sun comes up.
the fucking 401 in toronto.
i had a plan to avoid the fucking 401 in toronto. it involved hitching to oshawa early, hopping two different legs of the go train and eventually ending up in kitchener, where hitching is less strenuous. see, the side of the 401 in toronto is a scary place. of course, i slept in and it all fell apart and i ended up doing what i tried to plan around.
yes, a long day, but an interesting one. currently in a mcdonalds in mississaugua for the night. will get a few hours of sleep on the grass outside and keep going when the sun comes up. select stories follow...
so, i meant to be up and out by 7:00 but wasn't out of the house until a little after 10:00. despite other slight problems, this is the singular problem that fucked everything up.
the plan was to hop the back of the 96 at tunney's and get off in stittsville, but i got confused about the route. i thought the bus was going to circle back to hazeldean in the end. yet, it did no such thing. i should have known better than to try and hitch up fernbank; i think i did, really, i was more thinking i could walk up to highway 7. yet, a few minutes down the road it became clear that i was walking into an area that has more coyotes than people. so, around i turned and up carp road i went back to hazeldean...
i stopped in a coffee shop with wifi to touch in with some people only to find out that my laptop isn't recognizing my hard drive. great. see, it does that sometimes; it just needs a few tries. i need to get the data off this thing and switch laptops. but it didn't want to work quite right then.
whatever, keep going.
some ski bum dude that looked like he was on his way to go stalk jack white gave me a lift up to the highway 7 turnpike, which was a creepy walk down. again: i wanted to be off that road quickly due to coyote issues. luckily, it was only a few minutes before somebody gave me a lift out to carleton place....
it seems like a life time ago now, but some time in the distance past i dated a nice young lady from carleton place for a few years. she warned me time and time again: "never try and hitch out of carleton place!".
well, it took three hours, but it turned out ok in the end. i got a lift from a trucker up highway 7 right into toronto. transporting milk, he was. an older dude - mid 60s. slight lisp, probably from a stroke or two. seemed to sort of dad me. won't get into that right now.
he had a friend a few trucks up; i got to listen to a very long radio conversation between the two of them.
"what other industry has held the same wages since 1986?"
i didn't pull out my wage/inflation chart.
"we should shut them down for a few days. that'd get them to fucking listen."
"naw. the young drivers would never go for it. they're talk, but no action."
"fuck, i remember back when we had the teamsters. when we voted, we acted. and the people that didn't act ended up at the bottom of the river."
"yeah, and what are we now? we're just a fucking piece of shit is what we are."
they went on about this for a while. i said nothing. just listened.
"i've been doing this for 45 years and people ask me when i'm going to retire. i ask them when they're planning the box."
"but, i've had enough of driving trucks. i used to haul gravel. i don't want to do that anymore either. maybe i'll just get a job at home depot or something."
"yeah, maybe i'll apply for something at walmart."
ack.
he let me off at a split from the express into the collector going off to highway 400. it only took a few minutes before i realized that hitching from there was as unlikely as it was unsafe. so, i hopped across the feeder lane with the intent of going into toronto and seeing what might happen...
the hop across the lanes wasn't too bad; there was even a path along the far side of the highway on the other side of a concrete barrier. so, i hopped that. i wasn't sure if i was at ground level or elevated and wanted to get to ground level. after a short walk i came across a road that ran underneath the expressway; unmarked, no exit. yet, that was ground level...
i found out later it was jane street. for those unfamiliar with toronto, that's the street you don't want to be on.
i didn't know that at the time, though. getting down to the road seemed like a challenge, but not an impossible one: a small hill, a mild jump from a concrete slab overlooking the road. yet, on closer inspection, the jump seemed a bit too much. ok, i'll go around. problem: a barbed wire fence.
i took a walk up to the end. surely, they didn't actually fence in a grassed area on the side of the road? yes, they actually did. trapped! found a tree stump, took a pair of extra socks out and put them over my hands to deal with the wire, but i wasn't tall enough to get over the fence with it. kept looking; there must be a hole or a weakness. indeed, there was a space that had been uprooted to crawl under. my bag got trapped momentarily, i felt like i was stuck, but i was able to squirm out and sneak under. freedom...
a mall is ahead of me. ok. where am i? first sign says "beverly hills". thank you universe for your sense of humour. hilarious, really.
kept walking up what i later learned was jane street, in the general direction of finch. found a subway.
"where's the closest go train station"
no answer. try the beer store. didn't know. fuck. hey, there's some punk kids over there...
"do you know where the closest go station is?"
"there isn't a close one."
"is there a university campus somewhere near here i could sleep at?"
"no."
"how long do the connector lanes in the 401 go on for?"
"not sure."
"ok. then, what's the best way to keep going parallel to the 401?"
"i don't know, but if you follow this road here it should get you in the right direction."
ok, then. down wilson with my thumb out...
so, here's my creepy pick up story for this trip. every hitching trip has one.
older dude picks me up.
"where you going?"
"windsor."
"why windsor?"
"i'm meeting some friends there."
"is one of them your boyfriend?"
*pause*
"no, but one of them is my girlfriend."
(apologies to erin, that's not true and wasn't stated with intent, i was just trying to throw him off)
"i think you should be my girlfriend."
"nnnnnno. i don't think so."
"what? don't you like to hear about how sexy your body is?"
“i want you to let me out right now."
"i want to drive you home"
"NO. NOW."
he slowed down a little, tried to turn into a parking lot. i opened the door as he was turning, which made him stop immediately.
"creep."
there's a bus stopped down the street. great. escape. run...
"how far can you get me in the direction of kitchener?"
"i'm with the toronto bus, and i only go down the street, then the brampton bus takes over."
i've heard of this before, this bus service in toronto that isn't remotely connected and requires absurd transfers in weird places. i explained there was a creep weirding me out, so he just let me on for free down the street.
when i got off i was at the intersection of weston and albion. the on ramp there was closed; bad to hitch at. so, i took a look at some maps and realized the best thing to do was walk down weston to dixon, then up dixon to the dixon-401 ramp.
turns out the map's scale was a little smaller than expected. that was an hour walk. it was a nice walk, though, over the humber and through some bourgy neighbourhoods. by the time i got there it was definitely dark...
i decided to wait until 11:00 and if nobody picked me up i'd walk to the airport and crash there. somebody did pick me up, though, a nice south asian dude with a minivan full of carseats. unfortunately, he dropped me off in pretty much the same sort of on-the-401 situation i had tried to escape from previously.
this was a slightly better place to hitch, though. there was an extended median in the road, and the traffic was a little lighter. i was getting impatient, though. hitching on the 401 is a bad idea to begin with. hitching on the 401 in the dark with dark clothes on is just flat out stupid. i was literally turning around to try and get into brampton when i took one last glance and saw somebody was waiting...
older hippie dude this time.
"you need to get off the highway immediately before the cops come pick you up."
"honestly, they may get me close to where i'm..."
"just get in."
he proceeded to completely berate me for hitching in the dark. what the fuck was wrong with me?
"i know, i've done this before and..."
"well, then you should know better."
"i do know better."
"then what the fuck are you doing?"
"well, it's circumstance."
"i'll drop you at mavis, and hitch from the fucking on ramp."
i decided to go get something to eat and found this mcdonalds that i'm at. he's right. i do know better. i'll start again when the sun comes up.
at
23:55
Location:
Mississauga, ON, Canada
stopping for the night
Jessica Amber Murray
so, i slept in and it fucked everything up. the idea of hopping the go train to kitchener is that i know that hitching in toronto up the 401 is fucking impossible. truth has a habit of proving itself right. i didn't get into toronto until around 7:00, so i missed the train. i had a choice between delaying everything a day and trying my luck; i tried my luck. i made it to the far end of missassauga by 11:00. that's actually pretty good for hitching through toronto. i'm in a macdonald's and will stay here until the sun comes up. that doesn't change the general end goal of windsor tomorrow afternoon. interesting day, though. i'll write a long status update.
ESA
Lollll amazing!!
Jessica Amber Murray
how about you guys? on the bus? things going as planned?
ESA
Yep yep. Were in Toronto. You can catch a bus from missassauga to windsor definitely for cheap.
So tiredddddddddd. Where r u sleeping?
Jessica Amber Murray
probably just crash on the grass outside the macdonalds, or even slouch in the seats a bit. i'm not at all tired just this moment though.
ESA
Haha lol ok.
Jessica Amber Murray
read my status update. it's going to be a short story. well, it *is* a short story...
so, i slept in and it fucked everything up. the idea of hopping the go train to kitchener is that i know that hitching in toronto up the 401 is fucking impossible. truth has a habit of proving itself right. i didn't get into toronto until around 7:00, so i missed the train. i had a choice between delaying everything a day and trying my luck; i tried my luck. i made it to the far end of missassauga by 11:00. that's actually pretty good for hitching through toronto. i'm in a macdonald's and will stay here until the sun comes up. that doesn't change the general end goal of windsor tomorrow afternoon. interesting day, though. i'll write a long status update.
ESA
Lollll amazing!!
Jessica Amber Murray
how about you guys? on the bus? things going as planned?
ESA
Yep yep. Were in Toronto. You can catch a bus from missassauga to windsor definitely for cheap.
So tiredddddddddd. Where r u sleeping?
Jessica Amber Murray
probably just crash on the grass outside the macdonalds, or even slouch in the seats a bit. i'm not at all tired just this moment though.
ESA
Haha lol ok.
Jessica Amber Murray
read my status update. it's going to be a short story. well, it *is* a short story...
at
23:21
Location:
Mississauga, ON, Canada
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