so, i'm thinking i should apply for some kind of artist's grant. i
just want to go down to odsp first and determine if i'm allowed to do
that or not. it could conceivably provide me with another year or two,
if the odsp gets cancelled. and, if i'm able to make enough progress, i
could conceivably see myself putting the music aside within a year or
two and focusing solely on writing and organizing. i've been preparing
myself for this for some time now. the goal is to finish all the things
i've left unfinished, and then make a decision about whether i want to
carry on or not after that. i mean....yes, it's what i'd rather be
doing. at the same time, i need to face reality that i'm not going to be
able to find ways to allow myself to do this forever.
i've
mentioned before that this is part of the reason i moved down here, to
the center of canada's collapsing industrial base. it's a matter of time
before the area has some serious homeless issues, brought on by mass
joblessness. if i'm going to be organizing, i want to be organizing
within this "lumpenproletariat", rather than within organized labour,
who i've come to see as an obstacle in revolutionizing distribution to a
more communistic approach. i really do not believe that organized
labour has any revolutionary potential beyond increasing their own
salaries, and i'm rather convinced that the corporate state has
effectively derived ways to co-opt workers and keep them in line. i'm
following the early anarchist thinkers in declaring organized labour a
dead-end.
the only reason i need an odsp check instead
of a welfare check is to house that studio. if i were to give up on
this, i could see myself being relatively content bouncing around
libraries with a laptop, sleeping in squats and spending all my time
reading while i'm waiting for the shit to hit the fan. but, i know
better than to plan beyond the immediate future, because that shit just
never works out.
so, for now, i just need to focus on
ways to pay the rent for another year or two. if odsp doesn't think i'm
qualified, maybe the council for the arts might. and i'll go from
there....